


Loved In Spite of Ourselves

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Bullying, First War, Homophobic Language, James!Lives, M/M, MWPP, Marauders' Era, Mentions of Violence, POC James, Panic Attack, PoC, Raising Harry, Remus Lives, Sirius Lives, eventual slash, long fic, mentions of abuse, mentions of torture, no azkaban, second war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:47:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 167,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4972204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It began with four boys, and one compartment."</p>
<p>Spanning across time, through the first war, and into the second.  The years were both kind and cruel for ones called Marauders, and for ones who came after.  But they knew friendship, and sorrow, and love, and joy.  And sometimes it was only things things which allowed them to survive--if that's all they could do.  Survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been plotting this for a while. It's going to be a long fic, each chapter will cover about a year, starting with the Marauder's first year. It'll be eventually Wolfstar and Drarry--but Harry and Draco won't be addressed until much later. I'm plotting an alternate sort of timeline. Now I want Harry to remain the "chosen one" in a sense--so trying to decide if only Lily is killed by Voldemort, or if both Potters are. Would love to hear preferences on that, if you'd be so kind.
> 
> I promise to keep tags updated, and the rating will increase as the marauders get older--but probably nothing more than gen until after sixth year. I don't consider it a spoiler to tell you Sirius lives, as does Remus, and I'm not a fan of Remus/Tonks for the age difference so there won't be canon there. Any major character deaths will be added, but none of the main ships.
> 
> I'll try to update this once or twice a week--and I'm taking a risk going multi-chaptered here simply because I can be dreadful at it. But I'm doing it anyway. Chapter length may vary, but it'll probably start off slower until it gets closer to the first war. Hope everyone enjoys. xx

**The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.  
Victor Hugo**

 

It began with four boys and one compartment.

The first boy had messy black hair, tanned skin, glasses, his wand out, and detention before he ever stepped foot inside Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The second boy had long black hair, piercing grey eyes, a bloody nose, and bruised knuckles.

The third boy with tawny hair, amber eyes, and a smattering of scars was holding together a torn robe.

And the fourth boy with mousy coloured hair and a round face was emptying his robe pockets of the chocolate frogs he’d purchased as soon as he found the trolley.

“Well you’re a Black. You’re sure to be in Slytherin,” said the boy in glasses.

The one holding the sleeve of his robe to his nose scoffed. “Oh that’ll be well good, mate. End up like this every night. I’m going to bribe the hat. Or charm it.”

“Can’t be charmed,” said the boy in the torn robe. He had his wand out now, trying and failing to fix the torn seam. “Who were they, anyway?”

“My cousins. The Noble and most sodding-shitting-arse-faced Ancient House of Black.” Dramatic as he was, the three other boys felt something for him as he collapsed against the window. “I’m well fucked.”

“I’m Remus,” said the tawny-haired boy. “You swear a lot.”

“What of it.” Black’s eyes narrowed. “What happened to your face?”

Remus turned pink but said nothing.

“Well I’m James. Potter. You’ve probably heard of me already.”

Three yes’s and one no—that one from Remus.

“You muggle-born?”

“No.” Remus picked at his hem.

“Half-blood?” James’ eyes were narrow.

Remus lifted his chin. “Does it matter?”

Black groaned and rolled onto his back. “Doesn’t sodding matter. He’s probably going to be better at everything than all of us Pure Bloods. Toujours Pur.” He swiped his robe again under his nose but the bleeding stopped. “Fucking rubbish.”

James sat back and his face softened. “What’s your name then?”

The mousy-haired boy shrugged. “Peter. Pettigrew.” He flicked the edge of his chocolate frog card, seemingly uncomfortable none of the other boys had opened theirs. “Half-blood.”

“So we’re half and half, then,” Black said. He rolled onto his stomach and let his legs fall onto Remus’ lap. “I’m Sirius. Bet I’m in Hufflepuff. That’ll really get me a sound beating.”

All three boys seemed uncomfortable over that, and eventually James rose. “I’m going to raid the trolley. Come on, Peter,” he snapped.

The other boy couldn’t seem to help himself as he scrambled off the seat and followed. Sirius rolled onto his back again. “What parent’s magical?”

Remus chewed on his cheek before he answered. “Dad. He met Mum when he was travelling in Wales.”

“Live there, then?”

Remus shrugged, picking at his torn robes. “Yeah.”

“Why d’you sound Scottish, then?”

“I am. Dad is. Lived there until a few months ago. We…moved a lot.” Remus turned his face away.

“You going to tell us about the scars?” Sirius kicked off his shoes and kneaded the balls of his feet into Remus’ thigh.

“No.” Remus thought he should be annoyed by this boy but he wasn’t. “What house are you going to ask the hat for?”

Sirius frowned. “What d’you mean?”

“Dad says you can ask. If you’re quick enough.” Remus stared at his fingernails like they were the most interesting thing in the world. “I think I’m just…I mean, you know. Happy to be in any house, really. Though maybe not Slytherin.”

Sirius worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “Maybe not Slytherin.”

Remus felt a twisting in his gut, and his hand closed round Sirius’ ankle. “I mean if you do get in Slytherin, it won’t be so bad.”

Sirius laughed, sounding a bit like a puppy’s bark. “Oh right, mate. Not so bad. Soon we’ll be hexing each other in the corridors.”

Remus swallowed. “I won’t hex you.”

“This lot won’t talk to me again.”

Remus took a breath. “I would.” When Sirius scoffed, Remus squared his shoulders. “I would. You’ll get sorted before me. I’ll ask the hat for whatever house you get. Then you won’t have to worry about it.”

Five minutes later, before Sirius could even begin to form a reply, James and Peter came in and banged armloads of sweets and pasties on the seats. “Tuck in, boys.” James then shrugged off his robes and thrust them at Remus. “Swap.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up. “Sorry?”

“I said swap. Robes. I don’t know any repairing charms and yours aren’t working. You’ll get detention and I’ve already got one from that Slytherin Head Boy for hexing Sirius’ cousin. So swap.”

“But…”

“Don’t be an idiot,” James said, and he stuffed half a pumpkin pasty into his mouth. “I have loads of robes. Mum went mad over making sure I was prepared.” He threw himself into the seat and held out his hand until Remus wriggled his way out of his torn robes and into James’ slightly larger, but very new and very untorn ones.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

James grinned and threw a packet of peppermint mice at him. “So, this is fun.”

There was a moment of pause, then all four boys erupted into giggles.

 

*** 

Remus threw up in the boat, Sirius nearly tipped it and was saved by James grabbing him by the back of the cloak. Peter let out a very undignified squeak when a giant tentacle poked out of the water and steadied the rocking.

A woman called Professor McGonagall was waiting for them at the entrance, and she gave a dry, casual speech about being welcomed and sorting and all that rubbish. Then they filed in.

Sirius was near his cousin Narcissa who was shooting daggers at him through her eyes, and he casually flipped two fingers up at her which made her turn away.

Sirius was the third boy to be sorted, and the hat needed almost no time at all. “GRYFFINDOR.”

He refused to look over at Bellatrix and Narcissa but he could feel their eyes on him. He had no idea when the howlers would arrive, but right now he didn’t care because he was at the Gryffindor table and it was a great big Sod-Off to his mum. And he wasn’t sorry.

Terrified, yes. But not sorry.

Remus was next. The hat took a little longer with him before it bellowed out the name to Gryffindor, and Sirius nudged the boy sitting next to him called Frank Longbottom who had just been sent over as well. “Budge up,” Sirius hissed. “Or I’ll hex you.”

“Sure you’re not supposed to be in Slytherin?” Frank muttered, but he did move and Remus plopped down next to Sirius with his cheeks gone all red and puffed out a little.

“Alright, Sirius?”

Sirius felt torn between pride and sick. “If James gets Slytherin I’m going to laugh for the rest of my natural life.”

Peter was before James though. And the hat took longest of all. Peter looked pale and shaking, but Sirius gave him a thumbs-up and suddenly the hat bellowed, “GRYFFINDOR,” and he raced over. Frank was shoved over once again.

Potter was after that. The hat barely touched his head before he was sent to the boys table and all four were reunited again. Under house unity and funny conversations from the train.

“What are the chances?” Remus asked as they tucked into the feast. Sirius wondered the same thing, but he couldn’t help noticing all four of them were smiling.

*** 

The howler arrived at breakfast two weeks after sorting. Just when Sirius was dropping his guard, because that’s when his mother liked to strike. When her boys least expected it. His great house Screech Owl let the red envelope flutter down to the table, and didn’t stop for a treat or nibble of breakfast.

Sirius stared at it so long, James panicked and grabbed it. “You have to.”

Sirius bowed his head and closed his eyes. Two words rang out in his mother’s harsh tones. “BLOOD TRAITOR.”

That was it.

But it was enough.

Not for the first time in his life—though for the first time since he set foot in the Hogwarts Castle—Sirius Black cried. Late at night when there was even breathing all round the dormitory. He sat knees to his chest, scrunched against his pillows and he tried to keep it quiet but within minutes he was sobbing behind his bed curtains.

James was the first to come in. He slipped through the opening and pulled back Sirius’ duvet and had his own pillow which he mashed up against the headboard. He didn’t say anything, just laid there.

Remus came in after. More hesitant without his pillow so he pulled Sirius’ over and laid down. There was just enough room for Sirius to stretch out and eventually he did.

“When I was four,” Remus said, very soft into the dark of the late night, “I hadn’t shown any magic yet. I think mum was relieved, dad a bit disappointed. We were in Edinburgh and mum found this little shop full of sweets. The lady at the cash till was really horrible though, and going on and on about how I’d be spoilt if I had anything. She had this horrible hair, like a giant pouf on top of her head, a sort of white blonde. And she was sneering at me so I sneered back and the next thing I knew, he hair had burst into this rainbow shower of colour. She screamed and screamed. Dad was petrified, mum…mum just kind of grabbed my by the wrist and yanked me out.”

Sirius couldn’t help his snort. “Your first accidental magic was turning a bird’s hair rainbow?”

“Everyone was so upset they didn’t realise I’d stuffed my pockets full of bubble gum,” Remus said. He turned to his side and hid his smirk into Sirius’ pillow. “I had enough to last me nearly a month. Mum found it but she was afraid to take it away because she didn’t know what might happen if I got upset again.”

Sirius howled. “Oh Merlin, you probably let her think it, too! Didn’t you?”

Remus huffed a laugh. “Maybe. Now that she knows I can get expelled for doing magic outside of school she’s less worried but…I might have used it to get my way a few times.”

“Listen to this, James. Our sweet little Remus here. He’s Slytherin as I am!”

“We’re Gryffindor,” James said, and he reached over, taking Sirius’ hand. “And that’s okay too. We can be cunning and brave.”

Sirius let himself feel comforted by these two people in his bed. People who were not his family. Who were not his kin. Who didn’t even really know him at all. But here they were trying to make him feel better like somehow they knew what was going on.

It didn’t stop the nightmares. But he felt a little less shattered by them come morning.

*** 

The first time Remus left to tend to his poorly mum, no one said a word about it. Not even Sirius who did notice fresh cuts on his arms, as hard as Remus tried to hide it. But he thought well, maybe Remus’ home life was a little too like his own and who wants to talk about that.

So they never did.

Instead when Remus would be returned feeling just dreadful and worn out, Sirius would lie on his bed and charm the ceiling to make funny constellations and spell out rude messages about the Slytherins and ask Remus to tell him about muggle things.

“What’s muggle school like?” he would say.

Remus would give a long-suffering sigh sounding ages older than the tender eleven years he’d lived. “Not like this. But not very different either. I went to a day school, so went home when lessons were over. And I studied maths and sciences and French.”

Sirius snorted into Remus’ pillow and nudged him with his elbow. “And you call me poncy.”

“You are poncy,” Remus argued. “But I dunno. It was just…muggle school. No magic. We read out of books and the professors wrote on chalkboards and we wrote on paper with biro and…”

“What’s a biro?”

When Remus attempted to explain it, Sirius demanded Remus bring some home next time he went to tend to his ill mum. And Remus did. And Sirius had great fun with them, writing all over himself and Remus and James and even poor Peter who was just trying to go unnoticed most of the time. He tried to charm them which never really worked and eventually McGonagall confiscated them all.

*** 

“Snape,” James ground out. “That greasy-haired Slytherin who’s mates with Evans.” They were at breakfast staring across the Great Hall and Sirius was under the table trying to undo an itching hex on James’ ankles. “I know it was him.”

“How?” Remus insisted. “How could you know?”

“Saw his wand move. The wanker.” He let out a sigh when the hex was off and Sirius popped back up.

“Revenge time,” Sirius said. “We could…”

“No,” Remus said, and when the other two looked affronted, Remus leant his head in. “We need to put something in his cauldron during potions. He’s always showing off.” Remus’ tone was irritated and low because though it had only been a few months into term, Remus was rubbish at Potions. And Snape knew it.

James and Sirius seemed to like the idea, though Peter groaned. “You’ll get detention. Slughorn always knows.”

“Tell us something we don’t know,” Sirius chastised.

“Tell us why we should care. He’ll probably give us detention with Hagrid anyway,” James said with a wave of his hand. “Thinks no one likes Hagrid.”

“Well he’s a bit…” Peter began.

“Shut up,” Remus said, and all three boys were a little surprised, but shouldn’t have been because Remus—though the others didn’t know it yet—knew what it was like to be othered. Like Hagrid. “Okay…so here’s the plan.”

They did get caught. Snape’s potion exploded and burnt off his eyebrows and not even Madam Pomfrey could fix them. They’d just have to wait to grow back. Course Slughorn found the beechnut oil in Sirius’ pocket and the four of them were given detention. Scrubbing out cauldrons, not with Hagrid.

But it was worth it to see Snape walking round.

“You could draw them on, Snivelly,” James called out as they walked in for dinner. “Or even paste them on with some grease from your hair.”

“Shut it, Potter,” Evans groused.

James smirked and Remus and Sirius hid their smiles behind their hands.

*** 

Christmas was good. All four boys went home but wrote letters and sent gifts. Mrs Lupin sent James, Peter, and Sirius homemade peanut butter fudge, and Remus included several sheets of muggle paper and a packet of biro for Sirius just because.

Sirius sent them all miniature quiditch figures flying round on brooms which Remus kept in his window sill for when he was at home and missing Hogwarts so much. James bought them all brooms. Nice ones. Nimbus’ which Remus’ mother attempted to force Remus to send back but James wrote saying his parents told him it was alright. They couldn’t bring them until the next year but Remus couldn’t get over how excited he was to have his very own broom. He got caught twice skimming the fields a few days after the moon.

Pete sent sweets—as usual, and he’d made a note of everyone’s favourite. Sirius was allergic to chocolate so he got candy floss and a lot of chewing gum. Remus was loaded up with chocolate frogs, and James with Bertie Bott’s Beans because he loved having them round for dares or pranks.

They returned happy to see each other, even though Remus had to leave again just weeks later. Yet again Sirius didn’t mention the new bruises and cuts, but he wondered how a mother who could make such wonderful muggle sweets could also hurt a boy like Remus who wanted nothing but to be kind and make friends.

When James returned from the hols, he showed his friends his own gift. “It’s an Invisibility Cloak,” he said proudly. “Dad said it always goes to the eldest son and since I’m the only—it’s mine.” He put it on to the delight of the other three boys.

Pranking became very different after James brought his cloak.

The professors all got to know them very well—mostly James, Sirius, and Remus though as Peter was very good at talking his way out of detentions. Though he was often scolded by McGonagall for his lack of paying attention during lessons.

And Remus went home once a month.

He came back with stories about muggle things for Sirius. And they all slept in each other’s beds during nightmares. And Sirius always kept Remus’ ceiling enchanted because Remus insisted it helped heal his wounds.

And the year was rapidly coming to a close and no one wanted to talk about it but James promised to have them all over for at least a week, and Remus said as long as his mum wasn’t ill he could go. And Sirius said he’d rather be anywhere than with his parents but not too long because he hated being away from his brother who was starting at Hogwarts the year after next.

Pete was just happy to be there, he said, and they all laughed a bit at him.

But Sirius was awfully quiet and eventually dragged James to go find the trolley not because he wanted more sweets, but because he had to talk to James. The prefect car was empty meaning they were on patrol, so Sirius ducked inside.

“What are you doing?” James demanded.

“He’s always gone at the full moon. I…” Sirius tugged on the sleeves of his robes. “I looked it up. I went to the library and I looked it up. I think he’s…” Sirius dropped his voice. “A werewolf.”

James stared at him. “Who?”

“Remus, you lunatic! Who the bloody hell do you think I’m talking about. Every full moon, James. And he’s always…hurt. And I don’t think it’s his mum or dad. They seem alright, don’t they?”

James swallowed. “But Dumbledore wouldn’t let…” He took a breath.

“Maybe he would. He’s dead weird.”

James licked his lips. “So?”

Sirius stuck out his chin. “So why wouldn’t he tell us? D’you think he’s evil?”

James snorted. “Remus? Who folds his pants and cleans our quills and sends you bloody muggle quill thingies for holiday presents?” 

Sirius let out a breath. “Why wouldn’t he though? We’re his best friends.”

“Maybe because he’s afraid. Would you tell? If you were him?”

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno. Think my parents would have murdered me because it’s bad enough having a blood traitor in the house, can’t think what they’d do if I was a dark creature.”

James’ eyes went dark. “You could come home with me, you know. Mum and dad…”

“Can’t. Reg.” Sirius swallowed. “So how do we let him know it’s okay?”

James ruffled his hair. “We could talk about them. Werewolves. We could say we think they’re alright. You know. Do research over the summer. That sort of thing. Then…I dunno. Just tell him, I guess.”

“Next year?”

James nodded solemnly. “Next year. We’ll sort it out over summer so he won’t be afraid.”

Sirius felt better, because the very last thing in the world he wanted was for Remus to be afraid.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year two, and they uncover Remus' furry little secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on the fence about James, but leaning toward going with canon deaths. Feel free to leave opinions in the comments. xx

The summer before second year, all four boys didn’t see one another. The Potters were visiting family between Kent and India, Peter’s family went on holiday to Australia and didn’t even make it to Diagon Alley until 31st August, Remus was too ill—or so his letters said—and Sirius was forced into formal function after formal function.

James and Sirius wrote though, all summer. They tracked the moon. James even found some books when he was in Bangladesh about werewolves, and though they were infused with muggle legend, they had some information.

They arrived on the platform eager to see each other, two boys in secret loaded up with information they would divulge at such a time they could be undiscovered.

Sirius and James were on the platform first. Sirius had been accompanied by his father and House Elf. He didn’t miss the scathing looks they shot James’ parents, but Sirius was raised with propriety and deference to Pure Blood families, and went over to say hello. He’d be punished either way, he supposed.

“Mum, dad!” James grabbed Sirius by his sleeve and yanked him over. “This is Sirius.”

He received firm handshakes and then a small hug from Mrs Potter who even ruffled his hair a bit. Sirius refused to look over at his father who wouldn’t dare come any closer.

“Orion,” Mr Potter said, nodding his head.

Sirius heard a gruff response, but again was too afraid to glance over. His ribs ached a bit under his shirt when he thought of the last time he’d displeased his father this summer. “Well boys,” Mrs Potter said, breaking the tension, “have you got all your things?”

“Yes mum, Merlin,” James groused. “You packed it for me. Twice.”

“Where are your other friends, raaje?”

James turned pink. “Dunno, mum.” He grabbed Sirius by the sleeve again. “We should go. I’ll write soon.”

Sirius was dragged aboard the express and they tore down the aisles until they found their compartment from last year. One boy, looked to be first year, was in it, and James glowered. “Find your own place, yeah.”

“But…”

Sirius pulled out his wand and gave it a lazy flick. Sparks shot from the end. “Out, firstie!”

The boy scrambled to his feet and hurried away, and James was about to walk in when a familiar redhead stood behind him, arms crossed.

“That was rude!”

“Oy, Evans. Good summer?”

Lily scoffed. “You’re not even going to apologise?”

“I will if he’s in Gryffindor,” James said with a shrug. “What’s it matter, this is our compartment.”

“No such thing,” Lily argued.

“Bugger off,” Sirius groused. He shoved James inside and shut the compartment door. “She’s bossy for a muggle-born.”

“Yeah and better marks in everything,” James pointed out.

Sirius raised a brow at the defence since Evans was always nattering at the boys to behave and stop losing them house points and whatever it was girls blathered on about. But right now they had more important things to do.

“So d’you have the chart? Last moon was what?” Sirius asked, reaching into his robes for the scroll. “Two weeks ago.”

“Yeah. And according to the book I found, he’ll be weaker as the moon approaches. Also he’s got an aversion to silver.”

“Not chocolate though, he eats it in heaps,” Sirius pointed out. “So not like a dog.”

James tapped his chin as he looked over their chart. “So he’s got a while before the next moon. When d’you think we should ask him? Should we tell Peter anyway? Or Frank?”

“Tell Peter what?”

The boys’ eyes went wide as Peter himself walked into the compartment and sat down, glancing at the chart. “Is that homework?” James tried to get the book back in his robes before Peter could see, but it was too late. “Werewolves? We didn’t talk about them. Have I missed something?”

“Look, we’ll fill you in later,” James said in a hurry, knowing Remus was probably not far behind. “But you’ve gotta keep your gob shut. Understand? Not a word to Remus?”

“But…”

“I will hex you. I know creative ones,” Sirius warned, flicking his wand again.

Peter went pale round the cheeks. “Yeah. Alright. But it’s not going to hurt him is it? Whatever you’re plotting?”

Sirius went funny on the inside, shaking his head. “We’d never hurt Remus.”

The other boy didn’t arrive until the train was moving, and he looked tired but broke into a grin when he saw his mates. “Wasn’t sure you’d be here. We were almost late.” Remus banged himself in the seat Sirius kicked Peter out of. “I was running to the doors as the train was moving.”

Sirius kicked off his shoes as he’d done before and rested his feet in Remus’ lap. At home, no one touched him ever at all. Not without intent to hurt. Not without a wand. It was something he was feeling now, addicted even, though he didn’t quite understand the meaning of it. But his craving to throw his arm round his mates and just hold them was barely restrained.

He settled for Remus’ gentle fingers prodding the arches of his feet absently, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Did you have your birthday over the summer, Sirius?” Remus asked after the witch had come by with the trolley.

Sirius, who was currently disembowelling a pumpkin pasty, looked up with wide eyes. “What?”

“Your birthday. James and me had ours in March. And Peter’s in May. I just realised we never celebrated yours.”

Sirius went pink in the face. “Well I er…I mean. I don’t usually. Celebrate birthdays.”

“Well that’s rubbish,” James said, sounding almost sorry he hadn’t mentioned it before Remus. “You got me loads of gifts. And Remus and Peter.”

Sirius looked away, flushing. “Well it…” He kicked Remus a little harder than he meant to, then was very afraid Remus would push him away. He didn’t breathe again until Remus resumed the foot rub. “Listen you tossers, it’s not important.”

“Why’re you being weird, Sirius. When is it?” James insisted.

“Fine. It’s November. The third.”

The entire compartment went a bit quiet. “But…” Remus shook his head. “We were at school then. We were friends then. No one said. You didn’t…no one sent anything.”

“It’s fine,” Sirius said sharply.

The word Blood Traitor screamed across the Great Hall seemed to be ringing between them all now. 

“Can we drop it please?”

“Course,” James said.

The conversation launched into Quidditch try outs this year. All four of them had brought the brooms James bought them. James was most excited of them all, and even Sirius got a little fidgety as he turned round and laid his head on Remus’ lap, just under the book his friend was reading.

“You’re going out for it, right Re?”

Remus shrugged. “Doubt it. I’ve…I have to visit home a lot. Probably not a good idea.”

Sirius’ eyes fixated on a new scar just under Remus’ chin and wondered how bad the werewolf thing really was. There had to be books. Restricted section would be hard to get into but with James’ cloak… He looked at James who was sharing his same look.

“Well I know I’m going. Keeper maybe, or Chaser. I’d be a shit seeker though.”

“Beater for me,” Sirius said, letting his gaze drift out the window. “Love to smash a few bludgers into Slytherin. Imagine their faces as they get knocked off their brooms…”

*** 

They approached the horseless carriages and climbed in. Frank was there now, and he grinned at them. “Good summer, lads?”

“Alright,” they chorused.

Conversation was pleasant and light, and at the castle the students were sorted. James and Sirius were grateful the new student they told off went to Hufflepuff instead of Gryffindor, though Sirius wondered how much they had to do with it.

Bedtime came too quickly, and the second years hurried up ahead of the new firsties, desperate to get in through the portrait. A prefect had the password waiting, and within minutes five second year boys were climbing into their pyjamas and arranging their beds like they’d never been gone.

“Do anything mad and muggle this summer?” Sirius asked, lying across Remus’ bed as Remus stacked his muggle novels on his bedside table.

“Nothing mad,” Remus said with a shrug. “Went to the cinema. Mum insisted I get some tutoring for muggle subjects. Maths and biology. That was dead boring but she thinks I might want a muggle job one day in case I can’t find something wizarding.”

Sirius frowned. “That’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you be able to find something wizarding?”

Remus went very pink and looked away. “No reason. She’s just…It’s just how she is, is all.”

Subject was dropped after that, and the boys climbed into their own beds. That is, until James woke Sirius with a few smacks on the arse. Sirius woke with a gasp, looking round, but saw nothing until a tousled head poked out of the cloak.

“Get in! We’ve got research to do.”

Sirius was yanked under the cloak after arranging his bed curtains, and together they crept out of the portrait hole, and down the library. Filch was on patrol, but they hid behind a statue until he was gone, and James used wand to unlock the library doors, and they snuck in.

It took them twenty minutes to find the books they needed, and by the light of Sirius’ wand, they sat crouched against the edge of the bookcase, reading. “If mum could see me now. Studying all on my own,” James said.

Sirius snorted. “Yes but this is for Remus, not studies. And could land us in about two million detentions.”

James raised an eyebrow.

“Fine. Twelve at least. With Filch. In the dungeons.”

James laughed, but went back to reading and the better part of two hours had gone by before they had their fill and both were feeling rather morose and a bit afraid. “You think he tears himself to pieces? Like the book said?” Sirius asked as they crept at a much slower pace back to their beds. “I mean…all those scars.”

James nodded. “I think so.”

“You think Dumbledore makes him go to one of those awful cells at the Ministry?”

“Dunno. I mean, where else?”

Sirius worried his bottom lip. “Maybe the Dungeons. Though you’d think we’d hear it. All that howling and wailing.”

James stopped Sirius before the portrait. “I think we should tell him after the next moon. I bet he’ll be in hospital, and we’ll sneak in with loads of his favourite chocolates and just tell him. Tell him it’s okay.”

“All those books,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “But he’s Remus. He’s…he folds his socks, James. Folds them. Pressed,” Sirius said, making a sort of sandwiched motion with his hands. “He ruddy reads muggle books for fun and gives me foot massages. How can he be a monster?”

“He’s bloody-well not one,” James said, and his voice was harsh and angry. “He’s not a monster and I swear I will hex anyone who tries to tell him he is.”

Sirius felt a swell of pride and—though he didn’t know it yet because rarely did he know this feeling—love for his best friend. And James was that. His best friend. “Same. We have to protect him.”

“Should we tell Peter?”

“He already figured us out. But let’s tell Re first, okay?”

James nodded. “Yeah, alright. After the next moon.”

*** 

“Quidditch try outs!” James crowed at too-bloody-early o’clock in the morning.

Sirius and Remus both threw pillows at him, but he was undeterred, jumping on Remus’ bed first, then Sirius, then for good measure both Peter and Frank who both said they wouldn’t even be attending to support.

“Wankers!” James said. He pulled out his wand and held it threateningly over Sirius’ head. “I know all the freezing charms. Freeze your bollocks right off. Get out of bed, you fucking tosser. We need to get a good warm up going.”

Then James was banging down the stairs to the common room whilst Sirius sat up, giving a muzzy-angry look over to Remus who was scrubbing sleep out of his eyes. “I’ll kill him,” Sirius said.

“You won’t after some breakfast. Once you get on your broom, you’ll forget all about it.” Remus, too wise for his twelve years, rummaged round for a jumper. “Besides fresh air will do us both good. I’ve er…got to go home tonight. Mum’s poorly again.”

Sirius side-eyed him but said nothing as he found his flying robes and shrugged them on over trousers and one of the jumpers he nicked from Remus’ trunk. Taking his friend by the arm, he yanked him in close and nuzzled his cheek. Something Sirius often did with all the lads, really.

“When do you get back?”

Remus’ blushing because everything made the boy blush these days, shrugged and put his fingers round Sirius’ wrist which was dangling from his right shoulder. “Day after tomorrow, I expect. Shouldn’t miss too much. Luckily she fell poorly over a weekend.”

Sirius licked his lips and was forming a plan in his head, one he’d share with James later. For now he dragged Remus down for breakfast where James was shovelling down toast and pumpkin juice. He had a stack with jam and marmalade on them already which he shoved at his mates.

“Tuck in. No time to waste,” he said, spraying toast bits at them.

Sirius flicked them off his robes and scowled, but managed to get down two pieces before James was hauling him off by the collar. “Catch us up, Re!”

Remus gave them a tired wave as Sirius was pulled down the corridor.

“He’s off tonight.”

James nodded solemnly. “We can focus on it once we’ve tried out. Until then, I want us focused on Quidditch. We need a plan. We have to make the team.”

There was no getting through to James when he was like this, Sirius knew. Even last year when he acted as though passing his flying lessons were more important than NEWTS. And Sirius knew the only cure was to make the sodding team so he’d shut up about it forever.

Sirius threw everything he had into the field that morning, and was warmed when he saw Remus in the stands cheering them on as he huddled in his jumper and waved his small Gryffindor pennant. Peter was there too, looking pink in the cheeks but excited for his friends and Sirius thought to himself, this is it. This is my home. This is my family and sod those other pinch-faced, stuck-up, blood purists who gave birth to him because he was not them. And every sodding curse his father or mother cast at him was just another tick in the column that said anywhere else, everywhere else, was where he belonged.

He and James did well. James did better as Chaser, which was good because the team had an opening. Sirius did better than James, but he had the motivation to, because right now he bloody wanted to focus on making sure that their friend was supported during his difficult time.

“We find out Sunday,” James breathed. “That’s a bloody long time to wait.” He threw his arms round Remus and Sirius, nodding at Peter to come along with them.

“It’ll be okay,” Remus said quietly. “You’re sure to make it. You were both really great.”

“Yeah,” Peter chirped. “Amazing flying.”

“Thanks Pete,” James said, winking at his friend. “Evans was there as well. Did you see her?”

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. “Didn’t notice.”

“Sitting with Alice, wasn’t she. Course Slytherin was there and I know she was probably watching for Snivellus. Stupid git. Too covered in grease, he’d fall right off his broom.”

Sirius snorted a laugh and shook his head. “We should put dungbombs in his cauldron.”

“Or,” Remus said, “we could be a bit more clever.”

*** 

They had no time for pranks, however, as Remus was packing his trunk and heading out. When he was gone and Peter was down with Frank studying, Sirius slipped onto James’ bed and pulled the curtains tight. “Can you do a silencing charm?”

“You know Frank and Peter will think we’re snogging,” James warned, though he cast the charm anyway.

“Oh who gives a fuck, James, this is important.” Sirius flopped down. “Now, we can be fairly certain Remus goes to hospital wing after he gets back from…well…wherever. So what we need to do is find out where they’re hiding him. Then we sneak down to the kitchens and nick some food. I bet we can get the House Elves to make a load of something really great and chocolaty. Maybe something French. I bet he’d like that.”

James tapped his chin. “I’ve got a plan, but it’s risky. It’ll mean detention for at least one of us.”

“As though we’ve ever cared,” Sirius insisted.

James’ eyes glinted as he pulled out his wand. “Well come tomorrow, I think one of us is going to need to get an injury.”

*** 

In the end, they decided it should be Sirius who was injured. It would have to be dreadful, something which required an overnight stay. James would then use the cloak to go down to the kitchens, then he’d sneak into the hospital wing, find Sirius, and then look round until they got Remus.

It was really fool-proof. Except that they were twelve years old and really, what was fool proof at twelve years old.

“I’ve got a charm,” James said quietly as he and Sirius were sat in armchairs by the fire. “It will remove a few bones.”

“How many is a few?” Sirius asked darkly. “And where would we cast it?”

“Arm, maybe?”

Sirius shook his head. “That would be daft. What if she can’t regrow them properly? How can I play beater if they’re not grown back proper?”

James ruffled his hair. “Er. Foot, then? I reckon you can fly just fine with a few improper toes, can’t you?”

Sirius contemplated this, then shrugged. “I reckon so. And if they’re improper, maybe McGonagall will let me skive off a few more lessons.”

Course they were both nervous, being young and having never cast the charm before. James was aiming for a few toes, but in the end Sirius’ foot went all floppy and just complete mush. It didn’t really hurt, but it was dead uncomfortable and he swore the veins were collapsing which he thought might actually kill him.

James called for Pete who ran for McGonagall who shouted until she was red in the face, then got Sirius to hospital but not before sentencing James to three full nights of detention—two with Slughorn and one with Hagrid.

James mouthed, ‘Success,’ to Sirius as he was being hauled off.

Then Sirius was choking down Skele-grow in the hospital bed and glancing round for some sign of their friend but there was none at all. Only there was a bed in the corner which just seemed…a bit off. Wards, he thought. Funny wards making the air round it all funny.

The Skele-Grow made him sleepy, but as the sun was setting and after Sirius had his dinner delivered to him, and Madame Pomfrey had gone to her quarters for the night, he hopped down off the bed, hobbling across the room with his wand, and poked at the funny air.

It wavered, and he slipped his hand inside and it tingled and went invisible.

“Wicked,” he breathed.

Then he hopped in. The room shifted a little, like he was looking round hospital through very clear water. Before him was a bed, and in that bed was a bandaged and very groggy Remus Lupin staring at him with petrified, wide amber eyes.

“Hallo, Re.”

Remus gulped. “What er…”

“Figured you out, I’m afraid.” Sirius flopped on the bed and hauled his leg up. “Only had to lose the bones in my foot to do it. Watch this.” He yanked back on a few toes then winced because the Skele-Grow was working down and tiny nubs of bones were cracking and reforming. “I hope you realise how much I love you. Not just any friend would lose the bones in their foot.”

Remus was shaking now, and Sirius frowned. “Sirius I can explain. I was er…”

“Come on, Re. We know. James an’ me. We know. About your er… furry little problem?” Remus really started shaking then, and a tiny sob escaped his throat and his hands clutching the duvet were so tight his knuckles were white. And Sirius, panicked and not sure how to deal with this at all just launched himself over Remus, making a sort of human-blanket. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ve made you cry.”

“Sirius,” Remus said, sniffling. “How…did you know?”

“You leave every full moon. I mean, most people are thick but we’re not. We charted it and everything. James and I spent the whole summer doing research, used his cloak too when we got back, for the restricted section.” Sirius flopped down onto Remus’ pillow, arms behind his head, injured foot propped up a little. “Merlin, it sounds dreadful. Is it?”

Remus looked uncertain. “It’s er…I mean. I handle it.”

“Clearly. How long?”

“How long what?”

“Have you been a werewolf, you tosser?”

Remus bit his bottom lip. “Since I was six. Was bitten.” He scrubbed his face. “You really shouldn’t be here. Merlin, I’m going to be in so much sodding trouble. No one’s supposed to know!”

Suddenly there was a shifting movement, then a bright face popping up from behind a cloak with a massive basket of food. “House Elves went a bit mad but here it is,” James hissed. He tipped the basket and the boys found chocolate cakes and pasties all over.

“Anything not chocolate?” Sirius asked.

“Course. Got cinnamon there,” James said. He clambered onto Remus’ bed and gave his friend a long, studious look. “Alright, Re?”

Remus shook his head. “No! I’m going to get expelled.”

“Oh sod off, they’re not going to expel us for nicking food from the kitchens,” James said, now mouth full of chocolate cake.

“No,” Remus insisted, his voice low and miserable. “No one’s supposed to know.”

“So?” Sirius said. He poked at a cinnamon pasty, then nibbled on the corner. “Not like we’re going to go blabbing, are we?”

Remus toyed with the hem of the blanket, his eyes fixed on a particularly decadent bit of cake which James eventually pushed over to him. “You won’t tell anyone?”

“Are you daft?” Sirius shook his head and nudged Remus with his elbow. “Christ, you’d think we’re some sort of depraved bullies who like to see our friends hurting.”

“Does it?” James asked. “The books made it sound fucking awful.”

Remus bowed his head, pinching a bit of the cake and he put it into his mouth. “Um. It’s not a tickling charm.”

Sirius snorted. “Is that Remus speak for it’s the worst shitting-awful thing I’ve ever gone through? Does it cause the scarring?”

Remus took a proper bite of the cake as he shook his head. “No. That’s the er…I mean…” He took a breath, then just went right for it. “That’s the wolf. Wants to run, to do other things but it’s all locked away so it hurts itself. Hurts me.”

There was a solemn quiet amongst those three boys right then, and Sirius felt something cracking deep inside him, something pouring out that just wanted to wrap round this broken boy and fix him back together like patchwork.

“Where do they stick you?” James eventually asked as he stretched out beside Remus.

“Not going to tell you.” Remus stuck his chin out as he always did when he was being obstinate or trying to get his friends to just behave, just for a minute.

“Go on, tell us!” Sirius prodded.

“No I won’t,” Remus declared. “If I do, you’ll do something mad and idiotic like try to come and see me and that’s…you can’t. You can’t do that.”

“Well what if…”

“No,” Remus said, his voice high and tight. “Because I could kill you, or bite you, then you’ll be wolves and it’s…and I’ll go to Azkaban.”

“Oh fuck off,” James said. “They’re not going to send a twelve year old to Azkaban.”

“They’ll send me,” Remus said, his voice low and grave. “They’ll send me because I’m not some twelve year old boy. I’m a twelve year old half-breed monster and they’re always looking for an excuse to put me down. Like a rabid dog, because once a month, I’m as good as.”

“No,” Sirius said, and his voice was suddenly low and full of heat. In spite of his foot he was on his knees and holding Remus by the face, forcing Remus to look him in the eye. “You’re not a rabid dog. You’re Remus Lupin and our best friend and no one is going to ever lock you away. Ever.”

Remus gulped, glancing over at James who wore Sirius’ same, determined expression. Remus then felt something of his own cracking and desperate because his entire life he’d just wanted to know he wasn’t a monster and not even his parents could give him that. Not with all their love and support. Because he was still other.

“You can’t follow me,” Remus said, just barely a whisper. “Promise me. It’s not safe. I’m not safe.”

Sirius let Remus go, settling back down, and shared a long look with James before they both took Remus’ hands. “We promise,” James said.

Sirius squeezed Remus’ fingers. “On our friendship, on our lives. On all the marauding we’ll do at this school for the next five and a half years. May I never play another prank again should I break my vow.”

Remus tried to be stern, but his smile broke free and he shook his head. “Alright. Fine.”

And they vowed never to say a word, never to put themselves or Remus in danger. But they all knew.

*** 

From that moment on, when Remus was torn to shreds by the moon, two—then eventually three—boys were there to piece him back together with cuddles and chocolates nicked from the kitchens. And Sirius would do Remus’ essays that he missed, and James would read to him from their lessons when Remus was too tired. And Peter would copy his potions homework because Peter was actually quite good where Remus was not.

And it wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t the best. But it was indeed very much better than Remus had ever felt about who—about what—he was. And it was all because of his Marauders.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius discovers Muggle London and punk rock.

It was 4th November. Remus was profoundly aware of it because yesterday was Sirius’ birthday and he was giving the death-glare to all his friends, daring them to bring it up. And it was upsetting really, because now that they all knew about Remus’ ‘furry little problem’, as Sirius was calling it now, they were taking care of him. And it was still torture but the waking up part was so much less so.

And he wanted to do something because thirteen was a big age. It was thirteen. Teen. It meant something. Remus was now profoundly aware of the lack of celebration, particularly from Sirius’ family who he knew were rubbish but now he really knew they were rubbish.

So he was wandering the corridors and thinking because he couldn’t think in the common room, or in the dorms. He was just wandering and thinking and…oh.

“Was there a door here before?”

Remus’ brow was furrowed because he was absolutely certain there was not a door there before at all ever. But now there was and something was urging him to just step forward and turn the handle. Inside was an expansive room with poufs on the floor and squashy arm chairs and a fire and…oh. Butterbeer. And food like they’d nick from the kitchens.

Remus backed out. Could they? Would it…? What was it?

“Don’t…please don’t leave. Don’t disappear,” he begged the castle, then turned on his heel and rushed back to the Gryffindor tower.

James was lying sideways across the arm chair, one leg kicked up on the arm, staring across the room at Evans who was occasionally looking over with a fierce glower. Peter was spread out on the floor at James’ feet working on his Care of Magical Creatures essay.

“Where’s Sirius?” Remus came to a crouch where James’ head was lolling off to the side.

“Detention. Got caught charming Snape’s breakfast this morning.”

Remus frowned. “Is that what McGonagall was going on about?”

James snorted. “Yeah. It was pretty good though. Turned his nose puce.”

“Was like that until just before Potions,” Peter cut in.

There was a slamming book, and Remus saw Evans stand up and storm out of the room. He let out a small sigh, then leant forward. “I want to talk about Sirius’ birthday.”

James let out a small groan. “Re, look, I know you want to do something, but he hates his birthday. We should just let it be.”

Remus sat back on his heels. “You’re telling me you didn’t get him anything?”

James’ cheeks went a bit pink. “Well I might’ve owled mum and dad. And got some things.”

“In your trunk?”

James nodded. “I reckon he can have them for Christmas.”

“Or,” Remus said, “we can have a small birthday party for him anyway.”

*** 

Late that night when the castle was asleep, Remus and James snuck out under the cloak, and Remus tried desperately to remember where the door was. At first there was nothing in the corridor, but closing his eyes, he begged the castle to show it again and when he heard James suck in his breath, he hurried forward and opened it.

It was as he’d left it.

“I know what this is,” James breathed. “Room of Requirement.”

“What?”

“Room of Requirement. Shows up when you really need something.”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. “Even Hogwarts wants Sirius to have a birthday. Come on, James. We need to do this for him. We can…” Remus’ brow furrowed in thought, and he hopped from one foot to the other. “Guy Fawkes night is tomorrow. We’ll tell him we’re plotting some prank or something to celebrate. We’ll say we’re blowing something up. He’ll go for it.”

“Then he’ll blow us up when he realises what we’re doing,” James warned. “Blow our bits off, he will.”

“He won’t,” Remus insisted.

James let out a puff of air. “If I have to get my bits regrown from Pomfrey, I’m taking it out on you.” But his tone was light because Remus could tell he’d won his friend over.

*** 

When they told Sirius about the plot, he was excited. “Oh. This is great, this is brilliant. Oh this is the best idea you’ve had yet, Re.” He was all-but bouncing in his seat. “Let’s do the Slytherin common room, shall we? Maybe it’ll blow them straight into the lake and the squid will eat them!”

Remus frowned. “I don’t think the squid eats students.”

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. “D’you know how? Have you got spells for it?”

“We’ve got what we need,” James said. He glanced over at Peter, then Remus who both nodded obediently. “Tonight, after curfew. We’ll use the cloak.”

The three boys plotting and planning took turns making sure they had everything sorted. Remus skived off Potions saying he was feeling a bit off-colour, and used the time to borrow James’ cloak to transfer the gifts into the Room of Requirement. For a short moment he was petrified it would all disappear, but he trusted the castle. The castle which wanted him there—which wanted Sirius to stop hurting, and these lonely children to find comfort in each other.

It was just about time to go when Frank turned over in his bed, and pushed his curtains aside. “Please don’t lose us any more points,” he begged.

James winked. “I make no promises, mate. Go back to sleep.”

Frank groaned, wrenching his curtains shut, and Remus felt a little bad, but he was too excited. Watching Sirius all-but bouncing on his feet as James sorted the cloak and they moved toward the door.

It was tricky with all four of them, but over the months they’d developed a sort of system and learnt each other’s gaits and silent signals when Mrs Norris popped round a corner. Remus was leading the way, and went into the corridor, wishing hard for the door.

It appeared and he hurried in, tugging them along and shutting it tight behind. There was a moment’s pause as James slipped the cloak off and Sirius stared round, his eyes full of wonder and accusation.

“It’s not technically your birthday anymore,” Remus began, taking a hesitant step forward. “So…we can call it an unbirthday celebration.”

Sirius’ eyes went narrow and hard. “I told you…”

“We know,” James said. He was standing by a table covered in sweets and pumpkin juice.

“But we don’t care,” Remus said, crossing his arms. “What would you have done if it were me? When it was me telling you lot I don’t want help after full moons?”

Sirius blinked, looked at James, then at Peter, finally at Remus before he launched himself at the werewolf, pinning him to the floor. His eyes were hard as steel and Remus thought for just one second Sirius was going to punch him.

Then he smirked. Then he winked. Then he licked Remus on the cheek. “You’re a fucking wanker, you know that?”

“Ger’off! You’re like a bloody puppy, it’s ridiculous.” Remus shoved Sirius away, scrubbing his cheek with his sleeve, but they were both grinning like mad.

They immediately tucked into the food and butterbeer, and feeling sleepy and full and lazy, James flopped over one of the poufs and began to bang presents in Sirius’ direction. He opened them all, eyes a bit watery though no one could ever accuse Sirius Black of crying ever at all.

And Sirius loved his friends. So much. He loved them so sodding much that it ached in his body from head to toe and he wished that it would be like this forever.

Every year after that, Sirius never had a birthday. But he had many unbirthdays, and those--he decided--were infinitely better.

*** 

Ten months of school. Ten full moons. Ten mornings waking up in hospital covered in gashes and full of potions that made Remus want to die just as much as the transformations. But there were also ten evenings of two, sometimes three, curled up in his hospital bed behind the wards. Ten months of hands holding his, fingers combing his hair and poking at his bandages to see, “Does it hurt if I do this? How about this?”

“Yes, Sirius it fucking hurts!”

“Will chocolate help?”

“Yes, chocolate will bloody-well help. Pass me the cakes.”

And in between there are weeks when Remus can forget what he is. What lies inside. And he can forget because these boys curled up on his bed with him telling stories about accidental magic, or the pranks they played in Snivellus and the Slytherins whilst Remus was incapacitated, never let him forget he wasn’t other. He just had something extra. Extra. Not other.

He could have wept. He did, when they were gone and it was quiet and he was on the verge of forgetting he was a boy just like they were.

“Remus,” Sirius asked on the train back. “If I come round yours this summer, can we do muggle things?”

Remus lifted his eyebrows. “What sort of muggle things?”

“You know. The things you talk about. Cimenas and shops.”

“Cinemas,” Remus corrected with a small grin. “It’s not great where I live though.”

“Come to London,” James said. “We’re going to be there all summer this year. Mum says you can. We’ll plan it so it’s not at the moon.”

Remus had to beg and plead and sulk and eventually his parents said okay. They spoke with the Potters and when Remus reminded them he’d be back long before he put anyone in danger, they said okay.

His first holiday over with the lads and he really could have cried then.

Sirius was already there when Remus stepped through the grate and onto the floor. Mrs Potter was quick to banish the ash and he was cleaned up and sent up to James’ room which was massive and looked like it had been magicked to accommodate two extra beds.

“Where’s Pete?” Remus asked, banging his pack on the bed.

“France.” Sirius was sprawled across the bed under the window with a liquorice wand sticking out of his mouth. “Won’t be back til August. We can meet up at Diagon Alley though, if you’re keen.”

Remus shrugged and looked round. He swore he’d never felt so happy.

“Will your parents let us go out?” Sirius asked, turning on his stomach to look at James who was pinning something to his wall. “On our own.”

James shrugged. “They might. Dad’s been a bit shifty after those muggles got murdered, though. But I can usually convince him.”

Remus had read about it. Growing support in favour of pure bloods and it meant that people like him, half-bloods, half-breeds, would be singled out. Targeted. Remus felt a prickle of fear he could hardly understand at thirteen years old.

“What do you want to do, exactly?”

Sirius gave him a wolfish grin. “Muggle things. I want to go on the muggle trains, and…anything that would get my parents really brassed, you know? I want to come home looking and smelling and talking muggle.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help his smile. “Yeah. You’re so ridiculous, Sirius.”

“Yeah but you love it,” he crowed, throwing his half-chewed liquorice at Remus. Remus took it and made a show about eating it in spite of the slobber. “Come on, lads. We’ve got muggling to do.”

*** 

The Potters humoured Sirius. In a way that was kind and unassuming and not patronising. They helped the boys exchange their galleons for quid—and Remus promised he’d make sure they were subtle, though that was a bit like promising he could stop Vesuvius from destroying Pompeii. But he would try.

They went to the cinemas first where Sirius cackled loudly at what muggles found entertaining. He enjoyed their sweets though, and found it odd none of the pictures on the walls moved, and the moving talking pictures couldn’t interact with them at all.

They went to muggle restaurants which he was dismayed to find it was mostly the same, except they didn’t use magic to serve any of the food and there wasn’t a House Elf in sight.

It wasn’t until they passed by a small shop selling records and things that Sirius was really taken in. “Oh. What’s that?”

“Record shop,” Remus said. “Muggle music.”

There was something blaring from the inside, a rough sort of pop music but Remus had never really been taken in by music at all. Sirius, however, was enthralled.

“Would this play? D’you think?” he asked James, cradling a record album that read Ziggy Stardust across the front. “It’s not eckletricity?”

“Reckon it’s not,” James said, frowning. “Re?”

Remus shook his head. “The record isn’t. We’ve got them for wizards. Reckon it’ll play.”

Sirius went mad after that. He bought twelve albums and funny black t-shirts with band names on them. He dragged the lads then to clothing shops where he found jeans and funny dark shades and then fell madly in love with a black leather jacket.

“I’m out of er…muggle galleons,” Sirius said miserably.

Remus still had some. Just enough for the jacket. He pulled it from the rack and saw it was a bit big, but took it to the counter and purchased it anyway. Sirius tried to refuse, but Remus shoved it at him. “You’ll grow into it.”

Sirius held it to his chest for a minute and looked at Remus with a funny expression. “You’re an idiot.”

Remus laughed. “I know. Put it on, you fucking muggle. Let’s see how it looks on you.”

Sirius found toilets to change into. He wore his jeans and his Stooges t-shirt—whatever that was, Remus wasn’t sure he wanted to know—and he slipped the jacket on which fell past his fingers. He twirled though, and grinned at Remus and James who were shaking their heads.

“Do I look like a muggle?”

“You look like a fucking tosser,” James said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver band. “Wear this.”

Sirius slipped it onto the middle finger of his right hand and stared at it. “What’s it for?”

“Dunno. Decoration, I guess. They were a pound at that record shop. Looks better on you,” James said, nodding.

Sirius’ eyes went wet and wobbly at the corners. “My parents are going to thrash me stupid. Probably won’t wake up until August if they see me in this.”

“So keep it at mine,” James said firmly.

Sirius stroked the jacket’s sleeve. “Maybe this. So they don’t destroy it. The rest…it’ll be worth it. I don’t want to be like them.”

His voice was dark and terrified, and James pulled Sirius between him and Remus and they held him tight. “You’re not like them, Sirius.”

Remus nodded. “Not even a little bit. One of your best mates is a werewolf for fuck’s sake. You’re not like them.”

Sirius threw his arms round them and pulled them in tight. “You’re right. I’m not. Fucking tossers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, the boys discover what an animagus is. And thus begins their journey. Third and fourth year will be crammed together in the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys work hard on their animagus forms, and their bond grows tighter.

James was standing with Remus on the platform talking to the Potters. Lyall was having a nice chat and the boys were busy trying to keep the snitch James nicked from the practise pitch hidden between them. Remus noticed Sirius first though, and nudged James.

He was walking with his head bowed, between his father and a small boy who looked so much like Sirius it was startling. He was thin and bony, but walked with a certain sort of pride Sirius never had. Narcissa was not far behind, and Bellatrix who was sneering at the students around them, daring anyone to say a word.

“What’s on his hand?” James hissed, jutting his chin toward Sirius.

Remus’ eyes narrowed and he recognised the bandages. “He looks injured.”

“That’s…but he’s in a wizarding house,” James spluttered. “How’s he injured?” James looked at his parents and Mr Lupin, then back over at Sirius. “Oy!”

Sirius’ grey eyes went wide and he gave the barest, sharp shake of his head.

“Don’t,” Remus hissed. “He’ll find us later.”

Sirius gave Remus a flicker of a smile, just a bit of relief, then he took the small boy by the shoulder and led him to the train.

“That’s not good,” James said. He glanced over and saw his parents along with Mr Lupin had been watching. “He’s hurt.”

“I see that,” Fleamont said, shaking his head. “You’ll check on him, won’t you? Write us?”

“Course,” James said. “Dunno what goes on in that house but…”

“Enough gossip,” his mum chastised. “Go on, boys. Write often.” She gave Remus and James both kisses on the cheek, then Remus hugged his dad and shook Mr Potter’s hand before they hurried to the train.

Luckily by this year no one had tried to slip into their compartment, and Peter was already waiting, but no sign of Sirius. “I don’t like it,” James said. “It’s getting worse. Why’s it always getting worse? Every year?”

Remus, who knew James was surrounded by so much love he couldn’t fathom the idea of any type of neglect, would never understand. Remus was loved, oh yes. His parents did everything they could to show him. But he was also a monster and he was never allowed to forget what he was capable of. At least when he wasn’t with his three best friends.

“What’re you on about?” Peter asked.

“Sirius’ hurt,” Remus said, filling in their friend. “Got bandages on his hand.”

Peter’s eyes went wide. “Where is he? Wasn’t he with you on the platform?”

“Regulus is starting this year,” James said darkly. The boys all knew that Sirius was both fiercely protective of his brother, and also constantly tormented for not being enough like him. Mummy’s boy, Sirius had once called him, but the term had darker implications than most would have used it with.

“Well he’s…” Remus trailed off when the train took off, and the compartment door swung open.

Sirius swaggered in, his hand still tucked into his side, but he was wearing a smirk. “Well lads, how are we, then?”

“Alright, Sirius?” James asked.

Sirius flopped down between James and Remus, putting his head on James’ thigh, and feet up on Remus’ lap. He was getting taller, but still short enough to fit. “Not bad, not bad. What about those Hogsmeade forms, then? Got yours signed?”

“Course,” James said.

Remus and Peter echoed the same.

“Mine as well,” Sirius replied after a second. “Almost thought they wouldn’t.” Sirius went quiet, then turned his head to look at Peter. “Oy Pete, feel up to harassing the trolley witch this early? James, bang him some galleons, would you? Buy her out, loads of liquorice wands and pumpkin juice. There’s a good lad,” he finished when Peter got up off the seat. 

Peter didn’t look pleased to be doing it, especially alone, but with Sirius otherwise occupying both his friends’ laps, he had no choice. And Peter almost never said no.

When he was out, James shifted Sirius up a little. “What happened to your hand?”

Sirius was quiet for so long, both James and Remus were sure he wasn’t going to answer. “She found the muggle stuff. Clothes, rings, all of it. She was furious. Got locked in my room for three weeks, Kreacher was delighted by that. Feeding me dry bread and whatever dredges were left from supper. Dad and I rowed after that, and he…” Sirius stopped and his voice went tight. “Anyway he told me if I wanted to be a muggle so badly, I could heal like one too.”

James’ entire body went stiff and Remus felt a lump settling in his gut. “Shall I fix it?” Remus asked, his voice soft. “I’ve learnt all the good spells for that after the years of transforming. Sometimes my feet will right themselves still broken.”

Sirius’ eyes flashed. “Dunno. I mean, how long will it take to repair the muggle way?”

“Weeks,” James said. He looked like he wanted to say something more, maybe even comforting, but he was reminded this was Sirius and the Ancient House of Black wouldn’t take to pity. So instead he said, “Too long and we’ve got Quidditch.”

Sirius huffed. “Yeah, go on then, Re. Won’t hurt too much, will it?”

“Nothing a bit of liquorice won’t take care of after,” Remus said. He flicked his wand a few times, and the boys all winced at the sounds of bones cracking and resetting. 

When it was over, though, Sirius could flex his fingers and he gave Remus a bright smile. “Brilliant. Have I told you I love you?”

“Not this term yet,” Remus said, his face going a bit pink in the cheeks.

Sirius swung his legs down then licked Remus’ neck. “There. For good luck.”

Remus swiped at the slobber, but was still smiling. “You’re so foul.”

“And you’re such a swotty nerd, I don’t know how I can stand being friends with you.” Sirius resumed his original position once he’d discarded the bandages.

“Says the one with highest marks in our year,” James countered.

Sirius stuck his hands behind his head and smirked. “Natural talent, lads. All natural talent. Now, soon as Pete gets back, we need to start preparing for our start of term prank. Needs to be grand, this one. Big year for us.”

*** 

And all was as usual. Their usual dorms, usual pranks, usual being told off by Evans, usual exchanging hexes in the corridors with Severus. Regulus was sorted into Slytherin to no one’s surprise, but there was a change about Sirius for a few days after.

He was distracted by the moon, which came disturbingly soon after the start of term, and this year he was determined to find out a way to make it easier for Remus. Because he was so tired of seeing his friend knitting back together in hospital once a month.

And the answer came. Between two classes.

The first was Transfigurations, when McGonagall turned into a cat and paraded round the room for students to scritch behind her ears and then transformed back. She explained the idea of the animagus to the lot, and a vague process—though it sounded far more complicated than just channelling your inner animal—whatever that was.

But then came Defence Against the Dark Arts which dealt with Dark Creatures. Sirius nearly got into a row with the professor when they were on werewolves, but then something caught his ear.

“They go after humans?” he asked.

Professor Wylde turned to Sirius and quirked an eyebrow. “Very good, Mr Black. You were listening.”

“Barely. Your lecture’s full of rumour and prejudice. But is that true? They don’t like…go chewing on rabbits and snakes and whatever else is out there?”

“The unfortunate werewolves still left to roam the wild—who should be rounded up I might add—do not go after animals. As they are much of that themselves. Instead they search out humans.”

James noticed the look in Sirius’ face after that. As did Remus, but no one knew what he was up to. Not yet.

*** 

“Re?”

Remus, who was spread out on his bed working diligently on his potions, determined not to blow up a single cauldron that year, looked over. “Hmm?”

“How’d you get bit?”

Peter and James, who were working together on their Divination scroll, froze, all years. Remus was a bit pink in the cheeks, and he let out a breath. “Well, it was er…” He coughed.

“You don’t have to say,” James cut in quickly.

Remus shook his head. “I just don’t want you to think bad is all. There’s a werewolf, really nasty sort called Greyback.”

“He’s been in the Prophet lately,” Peter supplied.

Remus worried his bottom lip. “He’s not a good sort. He and my dad had a bit of a row and well…rumour is—at least this is what I heard my dad telling my mum—he’s got a thing. For children.”

There was a collective shudder through the room at the implications. “And he went after you?” Sirius demanded, now sitting up on his elbow.

Remus shrugged. “I didn’t know anything about it. Not then. Was too young. Came after me one night, in my bed. Dad hadn’t thought to set wards. I mean, who would. We lived in the middle of nowhere. He dragged me from my bed, bit me five or six times. I was at St Mungo’s for about a month, not sure if I’d make it. The first transformation was a bit…” Remus gulped, now unable to make eye contact with any of the lads. “Some don’t make it past the first few. Especially so young. My body didn’t want to heal at first. Then after that I was…” He took a breath, then felt the bed dip behind him and suddenly he was being held tight. A sharp chin was poking onto his shoulder and he could smell Sirius. His stomach did a funny dip. “Greyback said it was repayment for my dad’s bigoted views.”

Sirius let out a long, slow breath. “Werewolves don’t go after animals, you know.”

“Well I didn’t know,” Remus said, leaning back into Sirius’ arms. “I’m always locked up, you see. Never really had the chance to frolic.”

“Er yeah. But…what if you could?”

Remus now shrugged away from his friend, turning to give him a confused look. “What are you on about?”

“Well, I was thinking about Minnie.” Sirius flopped back against Remus’ pillow, his long hair fanning out behind him. “About how she’s a cat.”

“McGonagall’s an animagus,” Remus corrected. “She’s not a cat.”

“She is when she transforms. She said so. She’s got a human mind but she’s a cat.” Sirius’ eyes were wide and bright. “D’you see what I’m getting at?”

“No,” Remus said.

But James was leaning forward. “You know that’s next to impossible magic. D’you have any idea how long it takes? It’s in your book, Sirius.”

“I read it. Read it through potions,” Sirius said with a dismissive wave. “And we’ve got time. Some time, haven’t we. I mean…think about it! What if we did? Wouldn’t it be easier? Wolf wouldn’t be so angry, would it? We could run round the Dark Forest as animals and it would get a good run. All dogs are a bit mean if you don’t give them a good run.”

“I’m a werewolf. Not a dog,” Remus said sharply. 

“Sure,” Sirius drawled, “but wolves are cousins to the dog and I bet if we did it, we could at least be with you. I mean come on, Re. Think about it.”

“I am and it’s mad. What if Professor Wylde is wrong and I do eat you?”

“Well then we’d be dead and I don’t reckon I’m going to care if I’m dead,” Sirius said, his voice sharper than usual.

Remus felt a pang in his stomach. “I would. I would very much care if I murdered my best friends.”

There was a pause, then Peter said, “I think we ought to try. At the very least. Because I don’t think Professor Wylde is wrong. And then Remus…” He went very quiet. “At least you wouldn’t be alone. Would you?”

It seemed in spite of Remus’ protests, the lads were all in. And somewhere, behind his fear and anxiety was this sunburst of love he had for these three boys who were doing this not because it was illegal—which it was, and not because it could get them in loads of trouble—which it could, and not because they wanted to prove they were better than everyone else—which on some level they were.

But they were doing it because they loved Remus.

They really did.

*** 

“Well lads, it seems I’ve become a man.” Sirius flopped down on James’ bed and put his arms behind his head.

“Found your bits did you?” James asked.

Sirius shoved two fingers at his friend. “Got asked to Hogsmeade. By Marlene.”

James was suddenly very interested in this, sitting up straight. “Oh? Is she bringing Evans with her? I mean, of course she is, they’re best friends. I should probably accompany you as a chaperone. Merlin only knows what sorts you’ll get up to on this date.”

Remus felt something hot and uncomfortable coil in his belly, but he assumed it was the impending moon. “You know, if you’d quit hexing her friends…”

James narrowed his eyes at Remus. “Only Snivellus and he deserves it. Besides, you’re the one who actually came up with the spell.”

Remus shrugged. “I’m not the one who wants Evans to notice me.”

James huffed and said nothing, turning back to Sirius. “So, going to snog her, are you?”

Sirius laughed loudly, flicking his wand at the ceiling and making it snow suddenly all over James. “I might do, yeah. It depends. I mean, she’s a good looking bird, don’t you think. All sort of…soft round the edges. Nice face.”

Remus shrugged. “Her face is nice.”

Sirius rolled onto his belly after James banished the snow cloud. “What about you, Re? You fancy asking anyone?”

“No. Considering I’ll be patching myself back together in hospital.” Remus tried not to sound bitter, but the full moon falling on Hogsmeade weekend wasn’t exactly how he envisioned his freedom as a third year.

Sirius’ face fell. “Bollocks. I forgot. I should cancel.”

“No,” Remus said in a hurry. “No point in cancelling. I’ll be stuck in bed all day and it’s your first, you know.”

“I’m going to Minnie,” Sirius declared. “Having it bloody rescheduled so it’s not on the moon weekend. It’s a conspiracy is what it is, you know. I bet Slughorn’s behind it. Trying to make the Gryffindors miserable.”

Remus couldn’t help his laugh, and the ugly thing in his belly went a little soft and wobbly at his friend’s concern. “It’s not a conspiracy you lunatic. It’s scheduled. Same every year, it is.”

“Lies and slander,” Sirius said. He jumped from James’ bed to Remus’ and proceeded to lick his cheek. “Shall I bring you back chocolates from Honeydukes? Risk life and limb from my allergy to make you happy, Re?”

Remus shoved Sirius off, but not hard enough to force the boy away, and he grabbed his quill. “Some chocolates would be nice.”

“I’ll buy out the shops. It’ll help heal you,” Sirius said with a nod.

“Or fill his mouth with cavities,” James muttered.

“So what. Pomfrey’s got spells for that.” Sirius flopped back down and flicked his wand at the top of Remus’ bed. The constellations burst into light and he waved his hand, making them flutter and spin. “How d’you reckon muggles cure their cavities?”

“Dentists,” Remus said as he scribbled a few last lines on his Transfigurations essay. “They’re like doctors—healers—who mind your teeth. They use little drills and scrape out all the bad stuff, then fill it in.”

“That’s the most barbaric thing I’ve ever heard,” James said, his head popping up. “They drill into your teeth?”

“It’s not pleasant. Happened to me once or twice,” Remus said.

“Someone should put a stop to that,” James said with a huff, bending back down over his own essay. He seemed satisfied with it, nodded, then began to roll it up. “Honestly I mean, we could sort out their teeth then obliviate them or something.”

“Don’t think it’s good for muggle’s heads to be obliviated all the time,” Remus said. He rolled up his own essay, then laid back against Sirius. “It’s not all the time though. Muggles get by.”

“They’ve got good music at any rate,” Sirius said softly, and shifted so his arm was under Remus’ shoulders. “And clothes.”

“Reckon we should get you more. Keep them at ours,” Remus said very quietly as he watched the stars gently laze round the top of his bed. “Don’t want anything taking away what makes you happy, Sirius.”

There was a quiet in the room then, and no one argued, and Sirius let himself lay there and be very loved.

*** 

Before they left for Hogsmeade, Sirius and James attempted to see Remus, but was stopped by Madam Pomfrey who had given up ever trying to stop the boys from getting into the hospital.

“Not today. I’m afraid Mr Lupin’s going to need extra rest. He’s…very poorly.”

Sirius felt a wash of fear grow over him. “No but…we just want to…”

“Not today,” she insisted.

The boys ran back to the dormitory and Sirius went right to James’ trunk, getting out his cloak. “Tell Marls I’ll reschedule with her. I’m going in.”

“Sirius, you heard what she said. If he’s really injured…”

“Then he shouldn’t be alone,” Sirius hissed. “James, what if it were me? What would you do? What would he do?”

James let out a defeated sigh. “You go with him, yeah? I’ll load up on Honeydukes and Zonko’s. That should cheer him up.”

Sirius gave a grave nod, then stopped, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “It gets…it’s getting worse.”

James’ eyes fell to the floor. “Seems like it. Like the older he gets, the angrier the wolf gets.”

“Where d’you reckon they keep him?”

“Dunno, but it won’t matter until we sort out our animagus forms.”

Sirius let out a sigh and tugged on a lock of long hair which fell over his shoulder. “It’s going to take ages, that spell. Ages. I mean, I want to do it. We are going to do it. But…”

“I know.”

Sirius licked his lips. “I’ll try and charm Minnie into giving some answers. Tonight we can raid the restricted section.” He turned round and glanced at the room. “Where the hell is Pete?”

“Having a letch in the common room. Saw him sliding up to Dorcas earlier.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Hopeless, that one. Well, take him with you, keep him out of trouble. Give Evans my love, will you?”

“I will not. Bugger off,” James said, but he was smiling. “And tell Re I’ll see him soon.”

*** 

Unfortunately Remus was in no state to be told anything. He was shredded. On the table beside him were potions to regrow bones, replenish blood, to repair massive gashes which were covered by bandages. He was a sort of grey colour all round his face, eyes sunken and blackened.

Sirius felt sick, and his stomach squirmed with the knowledge that someone he loved very much was hurt and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

So he did the only thing that came to mind. He clambered on the bed, still under the cloak, fixed his hand tight round Remus’ and closed his eyes.

He hadn’t expected to sleep, but he had, and woke when the boy next to him shifted. “Er? Sirius? James?” The hand was holding his tentatively and he realised he was still under the cloak.

Sirius pulled it down from his head and gave Remus a grin. “Hallo, Re.”

Remus rolled his eyes, and he looked a bit better, a pinkish tinge to his cheeks now. “How long have you been here?”

“Well Pomfrey kicked me out so I had to get the cloak. James went down to Hogsmeade. Should be back soon enough.” Sirius glanced round the bed curtains to see the state of the sky which was muzzy and dim. 

“You didn’t go?” Remus shifted, wincing at a wound on his side. “Your date.”

“Oh we can go again another time. I mean, it’s Marls, you know. Not like she matters.”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “That’s a bit cruel.”

“Maybe. But honest. You n’ Jamesies only ones who do.” Sirius huffed and put one hand behind his head. “Rough one, was it?”

Remus’ eyes went down. “Don’t remember much. But I’ve felt better.”

“Understatement.” Sirius gave him a gentle kick. “I reckon it’ll be much better once we sort out this spell, yeah. What d’you think I’ll turn into? I mean, really, what do you think lies deep within my soul?”

Remus snorted a laugh. “A dog. A mangy, flea-ridden dog.”

“Oy!” Sirius shoved over and licked Remus’ face. “If that’s true you’ll have to walk me and pet me and give me baths.”

“I do that anyway,” Remus said, but he was smiling wide now.

“What about James?”

“Something that flies,” Remus said, letting his eyes drift closed. He gave a great yawn and turned to the side. “Maybe a hawk.”

“Or a Raven. Or an Eagle. That’d be too good. Too rich. Could you imagine, him the standard for another house?”

Remus snorted a little. “Reckon he’d not be too pleased, but no one would know since we’re not telling anyone.”

“You should stop worrying about it already,” Sirius chastised. “We love you. We’re not going to sell you out. No matter what. Not under pain of torture or death or like…I dunno a billion detentions with Flitch in the dungeons.”

Remus was very quiet for a moment. “What about Pete, then?”

“Ferret.” Sirius dodged the playful swipe Remus took at him. “What? It’s not a bad thing. He could slip in and out of places easily. And he is a bit ferrety.”

Remus opened his mouth to say something when the curtains burst open and both boys were suddenly covered by a shower of sweets and prank items. James was grinning, his cheeks a bit pink from the cold, and he lobbed himself onto the end of the bed.

“Where’s Pete?” Remus said as he made a grab for a massive chunk of dark chocolate.

“Went back up with Frank. He said he’d see you in the morning. Bit knackered from the walk.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as he helped himself to a peppermint mouse. It gave a squeak as he bit the tail end off, and he chewed thoughtfully. “How’d it go with Evans?”

“As well as can be expected.”

“She hexed you?” Sirius asked.

James huffed. “Well it would have gone fine, you know. I mean, there we were and I was making your excuses to Marls—who was not happy just so’s you know—and I was offering to treat them to some butterbeer since it was the gentlemanly thing to do. And Evans was actually about to agree when Snivellus walks up and of course he’s being a prat so what was I to do?”

“Oh no,” Remus moaned. “What did you do?”

“Just the smallest stinging hex. Not even a bad one,” James defended. “But she retaliated. Got me right in my tender bits.”

Sirius howled with laughter, curling into Remus’ side, and Remus shook his head. “You can’t go hexing her friends if you want her to fancy you.”

“Well her friends shouldn’t be greasy snakey gits, should they? I mean, he’s never been kind to anyone but her,” James said.

Remus could hardly argue, so he merely shrugged. “Even so…”

“I just don’t know what she sees in him.”

“She’s a bleeding heart, that one. I’ve seen it before. All soft and soppy for the pathetic ones.” Sirius huffed. “S’why she likes Re.”

“I’m not soft and soppy,” Remus defended.

“No, but she doesn’t know that, does she. Doesn’t know how devious you are.”

James snorted. “Except for all the detentions. And the pranks. Just because Remus does his homework doesn’t mean he’s soft round the edges.”

“Oy, I’m sitting right here,” Remus defended.

“Oh yes. There you are.” James nudged his ankle. “So really though, you alright?”

Remus shrugged. “Feeling much better. In spite of the cavities.”

 

*** 

Three nights before the next Hogsmeade weekend found Remus, Sirius, and James sat in detention. Peter had been part of their prank, but managed to worm his way out of responsibility. McGonagall didn’t like Peter much, was always on about his work in class, but he was rarely found at fault with any of the pranks.

This one had been a particularly good one where they’d managed to charm the Slytherin practise bludgers and fill them with glitter which turned the entire team a violent shade of sunny yellow. Took Flitwick nearly six hours to undo the charm.

They were in McGonagall’s classroom doing lines now, none of them really fussed about it as it could have been much worse.

“So Professor,” Sirius said, leaning his chair back on two legs. He kicked one foot up on his desk. “Minerva. Minnie. Can I call you Minnie?”

Remus rolled his eyes and James snorted. 

“You absolutely may not,” McGonagall said. “And sit in your chair properly.”

Sirius huffed and dropped back down with a loud bang. “How does one become an animagus?”

McGonagall’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s neither here nor there, Mr Black.”

“Well it’s a bit here, as we’re here and you’re here and you are one. A cat. Did you think you’d become at cat? Do you feel feline as a human?”

Remus had to hide his head in his sleeve to cover up his snort of laughter and James stared, wide-eyed.

“And what, pray tell, has got you interested?”

Sirius sat forward a bit, knowing he had her attention. “Well you said in class, it’s difficult to master. Takes years and patience…”

“Of which you have neither,” she countered.

“True. It’s a curse of mine, really.” Sirius flashed her a winning smile. “But dear Minnie, it’s just a particular interest of mine. You see, I do wonder why all wizards don’t become animagus. Seems like it could be dead useful.”

“Each witch or wizard will have their own reasons.” She stared at them hard. “It’s not a skill one takes lightly or with such careless attitude, Mr Black. One must want it, more than anything in the world. And the process is arduous and discouraging. Most witches or wizards find their time used better elsewhere. Like finishing their lines in detention.”

Sirius grinned again. “You break my heart, Minnie.”

“One more and I shall give you another night.”

Sirius huffed, but was still smiling. “Suppose one does want it more than anything in the world. Suppose one has reasons,” he tried not to look at Remus, but failed. “Where might one begin the process?”

“Those spells, especially to third years, are restricted.”

Neither boy in the classroom that night missed the emphasis she put on the word ‘restricted.’

*** 

They found the book the next night, and hid it under James’ cloak in his trunk.

“One month,” Sirius declared, staring at the spell. “A mandrake leaf in my mouth for a month? How? How the ruddy hell?”

“There’s got to be a way,” Peter said, squinting down at the small writing. “McGonagall did it, didn’t she?”

“Yes well, she’s the fussy sort who probably could with her pinched cheeks,” James said. He ruffled his hair and shook his head. “It’s not impossible but…”

“I think maybe,” Remus said from his place on his bed, “it might not be worth the effort.”

There was a pause, then James and Sirius tackled the boy down. James dove at his ribs, tickling him, whilst Sirius licked his face. “Take it back,” James demanded.

Remus gasped, then choked out, “Fine you tossers. I take it back!”

Sirius huffed, giving Remus a shove. “You’re worth it, you berk. And we’ll not hear another word about it.”

*** 

The next Hogsmeade weekend fell on Sirius’ unbirthday, so instead of their usual party, the four boys decided to go together. James and Remus charmed the gifts to pile up on Sirius’ bed whilst they were gone, and as it was snowing, they bundled up in cloaks and hurried down.

It was nice to be out of the castle, and Remus was very much enjoying being able to feel free of it all. The moon was weeks away and he was calm and collected. At the Three Broomsticks, Sirius even manged to flirt his way into three—very small—glasses of firewhiskey. They all coughed and sputtered, then got a little loopy in the head.

James spotted Evans and Peter spotted Dorcas, which left Sirius and Remus at their table together.

“Marls is there,” Remus said, nodding at the group who were currently glowering at James at Lily’s request. “You could go save James and maybe make up for the lost date.”

“Sod the date. Dates are boring.” Sirius grabbed Remus’ sleeve. “Let’s go do something else. I’m bored.”

Bored Sirius was a dangerous Sirius, Remus often knew. But it had stopped snowing so maybe taking his dog-like friend on a walk would do him some good.

And it was, until they got down the path and in the distance, Remus saw the small house and froze. He startled when he heard a laugh, and felt Sirius’ hand close round his wrist.

“Scared of ghosts, are you?” Sirius shoved Remus toward the warded path which led to the Shrieking Shack. “You know it’s supposed to be haunted. Not like the ghosts at Hogwarts. Proper, evil ones. I reckon I’ve heard them screaming a night or two.”

Remus’ face was white. “Well I er…”

“Come on, let’s sneak down. Let’s see what’s in there. I can get past these wards easy.”

“No,” Remus gasped.

Sirius, who had his wand out, turned slowly. “You’re not really scared are you? It’s just a ridiculous story that…” Sirius trailed off when he saw the look on Remus’ face. “Re?”

Remus was shaking his head, backing up. “I don’t want to go there. Sirius please. Please don’t make me.” His voice had gone tight and his eyes watery.

“Re. Hey it’s…we don’t have to. Hey.”

Remus wasn’t hearing him though. His heart was thudding in his chest and he couldn’t breathe. He was backing up and didn’t stop until his back hit a tree, then he collapsed to his knees and Sirius rushed forward, taking his face in his hands.

It was clear by the look on Sirius’ face he knew. “It’s there. Isn’t it? That’s where…that’s why…” He stopped.

Remus, who was getting control of himself again, flushed a violent red. “It’s…it was the only way that I could stay near the castle. Close to help if I needed it. You know. After. So Dumbledore let everyone tell the stories about the house.”

Sirius was rubbing his thumbs along Remus’ cheeks. “How d’you get in?”

“Whomping Willow,” Remus said miserably, knowing his secret was completely out so what was the point in hiding any of it. “There’s a knot. Freezes it. And a secret passage. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I’ll tell James,” Sirius said with a shrug. “But no one else. I swear.”

Remus gave a miserable nod, pulling away from Sirius to curl in on himself. “I don’t…I have to sit there you know. Before the change. It smells like my blood and it’s torn to bits. I just… I don’t want to see it if I don’t have to.”

“You never will. Merlin, Re, I swear we’ll sort out this animagus spell and you won’t have to be alone again.” His voice was hard and icy, and so determined.

*** 

Winter turned into spring. Which brought James and Remus’ birthdays. They celebrated by sneaking into the kitchens and having the House Elves bring them cake. Summer was rapidly approaching and the boys again planned to spend time together. Not able to use magic outside Hogwarts, their work on their animagus was stalled, but they could research.

Sirius spent a lot of time at home, often not allowed to visit, but for one glorious week he went to the Lupins’ with James and Peter and they ran round Wales like mad boys with not a care in the world.

Rumours of Lord Voldemort were growing. Supporters gaining power, and there were more and more witches and wizards coming out in favour of his policies. Pure blood. Putting down dark creatures and subjugating muggles.

But they were fourteen years old and didn’t understand it.

Fourth year brought with them two obsessions—working on their animagus forms, and creating a map. Having been in trouble too often for getting caught and having nowhere to run, it had been Peter’s idea. They could use James’ cloak to scour the corridors, and Sirius was a decent artist. He could sketch everything they found and Remus pointed out that a simple charm could be placed to track anyone inside the castle grounds.

They caught Snape enough times trying to peer over their shoulders that Sirius suggested they put something in there to repel the slimy git, and James was on board with that one.

By the end of that term, Sirius had been able to produce a massive patch of black fur on his face, prompting James to declare he was probably going to become a bear, and though they hadn’t got it yet, they were close. So close.

Something was in the air the summer before fifth year. Something bringing about change. But none of them were aware of it just yet. Sirius would be turning sixteen, it would be a terrible winter, and things would be brought to light no one expected.

But the boys wouldn’t know that just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, the animagus reveal, feelings are discovered, some are hurt, and things start to change. Sirius ran away when he was sixteen, and since he turns sixteen in his fifth year--I'm going with that time line for the next chapter--though I think canon is fuzzy what summer he left his family.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stirrings of new feelings. 
> 
> I was debating about Sirius' sexuality since I've read a lot of great fics about him thinking he's straight until he discovers his crush on Remus. But even in Canon when he's mentioned he's paying zero attention to anyone but James and Remus so I've decided to ignore the Sirius is a lady's man trope because there's no real indication he was one.
> 
> Hopefully I'm keeping them in character, but these are all my head!Canons. I've very deliberately ignored the homophobic!James trope and I'm going with the, I'm straight but shouldn't you fancy me, look how gorgeous I am, James. And of course Oblivious Moony. There won't be proper Wolfstar until Sixth year, but that's only two chapters away.
> 
> Trigger Warnings; Self-deprecation and slight internalised homophobia in this chapter.

“Floo for you, raaje!”

James scrambled off his bed and tore down the stairs and into the lounge where Sirius was brushing himself off. He gave James a huge grin as Mrs Potter used a quick wave of her wand to banish any remaining soot.

“Mrs Potter, lovely to see you again,” Sirius said with a wink.

She rolled her eyes but yanked him in for a hug. “How long are you with us, Sirius?”

“Two weeks, if that’s alright. Mum and Dad are taking Reg to Albania.” There was a funny pink to his cheeks that James didn’t bring up. “Is anyone else here?”

“Nah, just you,” James said, and grabbed Sirius by his sleeve. “Come on, Remus isn’t getting here until Saturday.” He yanked Sirius toward the stairs and they stomped up. “Moon’s tonight.”

“Bollocks, how did I forget. We really need to make some sodding progress with our forms.” Sirius threw himself on James’ bed and groaned. “I mean, a patch of fur is great and everything, but not going to do him much good if he’s tearing himself to shreds and we can’t be there.”

James’ face fell. “I know. We’ll get it. We will. This is our year, I can feel it.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, mate. You get your Hogwarts letter yet?”

“Over there.” He jutted his chin out at his desk where it was spread out. “Mum and dad were both annoyed I didn’t make prefect.”

“Oh who wants to be sodding prefect. Meeting and patrolling. Though I’d love to see the look on Minnie’s face if I had the badge.”

James snorted. “No way in hell she’d let you.”

Sirius shrugged. “Yeah well…bet it would have won some points off Evans if you had.” He sat up to waggle his eyebrows, and barked a laugh when James went pink in the cheeks. “Why don’t you just move on. Snog some other girls. There are plenty. I mean, you’re practically Quidditch Captain.”

James huffed. “And ignore my one true love?” He flopped down onto his chair and cocked one leg up on his desk. “And you’re one to talk. How many times you got asked to Hogsmeade after Marls, and you turned them all down.”

Sirius looked away. “Just not interested.” He threw his hands up. “I’m a rebel, Jamsies. A rebel. Can’t tie myself down.” His shirt rode up on his hip and he didn’t realise it until he heard James suck in his breath. He attempted to shove it down, but the bed dipped next to him. 

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“No we ruddy will not be talking about it,” Sirius snapped. He rolled onto his side. “Feed me, Jamie. I’m a growing boy.”

James narrowed his eyes, but knew not to push his friend. “Fine, you useless wank. Let’s go raid the kitchens.”

*** 

“Oh we should not be doing this.” James was holding his second glass of firewhiskey, leaning against his bedroom door. His parents had gone out for the evening, and he and Sirius were trying to get as much rebelling done as they could before they got home. Mostly because Sirius was oddly not fond of disobeying the Potters’ rules.

“You’re useless, Potter. A useless sidekick.” Sirius was on this third glass and well pissed by then. “Re’s coming soon, right? Day after tomorrow? He’ll be a better side kick. He’ll break all the rules.” He waved his glass, sloshing a bit out before licking it up. “Re. Sweet Moon-addled Re.”

James snorted as he sipped his drink. “Writing him sonnets, are you? Composing poetry to the sweet, furry werewolf who could rip your throat out.”

Sirius glowered. “Listen. Potter. Just…listen. Potter.”

James laughed so hard his eyes teared up. “You’re so pissed.”

“M’not pissed! I’m eloquent and aristocratic!” Sirius did a twirl, tripping and falling onto the chair. Most of his drink had sloshed onto the floor, but he didn’t seem to mind. “You’re a good man, Potter. Young man. Baby, in fact. I mean, you do realise how sodding much older I am than you are.”

“Four whole months.”

“Was on solids before you were even out of your mother’s womb.” Sirius said, pointing a finger at James.

“Gross.”

“You’re gross. Your face is gross. Your parents are gross. This sodding house with all the…the light and love and…shit. Gross. Everything’s gross.”

“You’re just jealous.” James drained his glass and set it on his desk, flopping onto his bed. “I’m sorry your house is shit.”

“It is shit, innit?” Sirius let his glass tumble from his hand, and his eyes went closed. “Dark with disgusting people all living in it. And Reg talking about those bloody Slytherins siding with that maniac Voldemort. He thinks they might be on to something, he says. Thinks they might be right. Thinks maybe…thinks maybe,” Sirius leant over the arm of the chair toward James, “people like Evans shouldn’t be allowed. Thinks they should find a way to keep people like Evans from having magic.”

James’ eyes narrowed. “She could hex their bollocks off without even trying.”

Sirius laughed. “That she could mate. They think people like Re should be put down. For their own good, Reg says. Their own good.” Sirius went quiet, then in a small voice he said, “I hit him. Punched him in the face. Then dad ordered Kreacher to punish me. ‘As you would punish yourself, Kreacher, for disobeying.’ And oh did he know how,” Sirius spat.

“Merlin, Sirius…”

“Don’t. Don’t Potter. Don’t sodding feel bad for me, okay? It’s…it’s whatever.” Sirius waved his hand, watching his fingers in the dim light of James’ lamp. “Fucking wankers. Blood purist wankers. I won’t…I won’t side with them, James. I won’t let them change my mind.”

There was a long pause. “Fuck them.”

Sirius cackled from his chair, twisting so his head was resting on the other arm, feet kicked out. “Yeah. Fuck them. Fuck…” He stopped. “I think I might be bent, James.”

For all the alcohol in the world, James could not have prepared himself for that confession. He sat up from the bed, leaning on one arm. “Bent?”

“Bent. Queer. Want to shag boys. Haven’t,” Sirius said. “Kreacher,” Sirius spat, “told mum I was wanking to a muggle photo of a boy.”

Feeling his throat thick and confusion amidst the alcohol setting in, James sat up. “Were you?”

Sirius’ grin spread out sharp and wolfish. “Yeah. Was a bit. Bloody hell, James. What the fuck is wrong with me?” A choked sob eclipsed that smile and his entire body crumbled. “M’fucked up.”

James, abandoning all pretence, was immediately up and pulling Sirius to the bed. He wrapped his arms round him tight. “Don’t cry. Please.”

“Look at me. Fucking…so pathetic, James. Can’t make the spell work to help Re. Can’t make my parents happy. M’a blood traitor and a fucking pouf. Can’t get much worse.”

“No one cares,” James said. “No one cares if you’re bent and it’s better to be a blood traitor than a dark wizard. And you know it.”

Sirius pulled back and let out a shaking breath. “You really don’t care?”

“Should I?”

Sirius ducked his head. “Dunno. You’re…I mean…s’not normal, is it?”

James laughed, his head shaking back and forth. “Christ, Sirius, when the fuck has anything about you ever been normal?”

Sirius stopped, then laughed as well. “Guess so. I’m gonna hate myself in the morning for telling you this, you know. Promise you won’t tell anyone else?”

“I promise.” James dropped a kiss to Sirius’ cheek. “Let’s get to bed. Don’t try and seduce me now.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved James. “As though I would, you fucking tosser. You’re not my type.”

James nodded solemnly. “I was afraid of that. You just don’t like them ridiculously good looking.”

*** 

They were waiting for Remus in the field, skimming the ground on their brooms as James lazily watched his stolen snitch flicker through the blades of grass. “Sirius?”

Sirius, who was leaning forward almost completely prone on his belly, looked over at James as he circled back round. “Yeah?”

“Why don’t you fancy me?”

Sirius blushed a violent red. “Why, Jamie? You jealous?”

“No. My heart belongs to Evans. She’ll come round. But…if you’re bent, why not me?”

Sirius shrugged. “Er. Dunno. Do we really need to talk about this?”

James made a sudden dive for the snitch, and barely caught it, though it wasn’t hard as one of the wings was damaged. “I’m just saying. I mean…you’re bent so you can tell me. I’m attractive, right?”

“Oh Merlin,” Sirius groaned. 

James stretched his arms up. “If I do this, d’you think it’s good looking?”

“James, I’m not allowed to use magic but I swear I will risk it and hex your bollocks off.”

James grinned. “Okay. Fine. But…am I though?” He then gave a loud shout as Sirius dove for him and tackled him off the broom.

They were still wrestling, brooms hovering lazily, when a tawny-haired teen who looked like he’d grown at least six inches, strolled over. He was in muggle jeans and a plain jumper, arms crossed, an amused look playing round his mouth.

“Lads.”

Sirius’ head poked up from the grass and bloomed into a sunny smile. “Re! Come here and help me smother James.”

“Mmm, I think I’ll refrain from committing murder today,” Remus said. He extended his hand, and Sirius took it, then tackled him into the ground, giving him a solid lick on the face. “Tell me again why I’ve condemned myself to two full weeks with you?”

“Because you love us,” James said, joining the sudden cuddle pile on the ground. He flung his arm round Remus and squeezed. “We were pining for you. Pining away.”

“Tossers.” But there was a heavy fondness in his voice. “Mind the ribs though. Rough moon.”

The lads backed off a little, rolling onto their backs to watch the brooms swaying in the wind. “Forgot to mention mum wants us to see if there’s a boggart in the attic,” James said. “Said I can use her wand to banish it. We could use the practise since it’s OWL year.”

Remus groaned. “Oh thanks for reminding me.”

“You’ll do fine. Honestly.” Sirius gave Remus a little kick. “We’ll help you study.”

“You never study,” Remus complained. “You’re too busy fucking off and scoring highest marks.”

Sirius grinned as he jumped up and held his hand out for his broom. “Let’s go in. Nearly tea and I’m starving.”

Remus got up too, and smiled down at his friend. “You eat a lot for someone so short.” Then he ran for it, though didn’t get far and was swept out by Sirius’ broom.

*** 

Few hours later, they were in the attic with Mrs Potter’s wand, pointing it at a wardrobe which had a suspicious rattle.

“You done this bit before?” James asked.

“Theory only,” Remus said. “I mean, I reckon it’s going to be scary but since I know it’s not real…just a boggart, it’s hard to be properly scared.”

“Well I think I’ll just stand back,” Sirius said, his voice tight and high.

James frowned. “You know what yours is?”

Sirius clenched his jaw, then let out a breath. “Dad, usually. Sometimes mum. Seen them enough this summer, thank you very much.”

“What about yours?” Remus asked James.

“Oh his is probably Evans agreeing to marry Snivellus,” Sirius said with a huff.

James shoved two fingers at Sirius. “Fuck off, it’s not. I’m not overly fond of spiders, is all.”

Remus took the wand from James. “Why don’t I handle it. Defence spells are the only thing I’m really any good at.”

The two boys allowed Remus to open the wardrobe, and second passed. There was nothing. Then with a whoosh, a cloud drifted from the wardrobe and erupted into a shining white moon. Remus wasn’t sure how he’d react. But it was panic. Instinct. He curled into himself and braced himself for the cracking bones.

That was, until James and Sirius both stood at his side and grabbed his arms. “Riddikulus,” James whispered into his ear.

“Isn’t real, Re,” Sirius said.

Remus stood up straight and cleared his throat. “Fuck. I…” He waved the wand and shouted the incantation. The moon turned into a balloon, deflating, with a pop, and it was gone. “Well. That was mortifying.”

Sirius nudged him. “Nah, it’s not. You just gotta take the power back. You know. Let’s go back to James’ room. James, Moony.”

The boys froze and Remus narrowed his eyes. “Sirius don’t you dare—”

Sirius grinned. “What? Honestly it makes the most sense. And it’s cute.”

James’ eyes widened. “Cute?”

Sirius shrugged. “Moony. Got a nice ring to it.”

Remus’ cheeks were pink, but James was grinning now. “It is, rather. Our Moony.” He slung his arm round Remus. “Come on, let’s go see if there’s anything else we can use to embarrass you with.”

And indeed there was.

“Oh my god this is the best day of my life,” Sirius said, brandishing the polished Prefect Badge. “Oh. Oh it…oh it’s Christmas come early!”

“Sirius, for the love of Merlin please…”

“Oh no. No. Our Moony. Our Moony is a prefect. He’s going to be all buttoned up. No more pranks, Jamie. You hear that. We’ve got to behave now, haven’t we?”

Remus was bright red in the face, curled up on James’ bed. “I…I didn’t expect. I mean, I don’t even know why Dumbledore would do this. I mean…how many detentions did we get last year?”

Sirius fell down on the bed next to Remus and yanked him down flat on his back. “Just means you can give us all the passwords and let us use the prefect’s bath.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I will not.” But there was no conviction in his tone. 

“Ah Moony, how lucky you are to have us,” James said. “How so very lucky.”

*** 

They met up with Peter on the train, but Remus had to head over to the Prefect’s car for their meeting. “Don’t pine too long for us,” James called into the corridor at the top of his voice. “We shall miss you. There might be chocolate when you get back.”

Remus gave his friend a dark look before he disappeared, and James slipped back into their car. “Pete, my good man. How was your hols?”

“Not bad, as usual. You three?”

“James and I got drunk at his,” Sirius said, flicking his wand over Peter, casting the charm to make it snow. “Fought off a boggart. Moony actually did it.”

“Do you mind?” Peter complained. “And what is a Moony?”

Sirius waved his hand, using his wandless magic to banish the cloud, and grinned at James. “Our wonderful, furry little friend. Who is a Prefect by the way. He’s going to be all stodgy and buttoned up from now on.”

James snorted. “Right. I’d like to see Moony try and give us detentions.”

“He’ll do it, unless you bribe him with enough chocolate,” Peter warned.

“Nah. Loves me too much.” Sirius flicked his fingers again, and four birds appeared, flapping round Peter’s head. He flicked them again and they were gone. “Bet Reg is shit with his wandless magic,” he mused.

“How er…” James sighed. “Your last week. Was it…?”

“Same as usual,” was the only answer Sirius would give.

Remus returned after they were loaded up with food and chocolate, and he was wearing a small smirk. “You’ll never guess who the second prefect is.”

“It’s Evans,” Peter said, and when they looked at him, he shrugged. “Spotted her on the platform. She said hi, and I saw the badge.”

“That means you’ve got weekly meetings with her,” James said, his voice rising. “You’ve got to put in a good word for me.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Think it might take more than a word, James.”

“Come on, Moony. Please.”

“Name’s really sticking around, is it?” Remus complained.

Sirius grinned and waggled his socked feet at Remus until his friend complied and began to massage them. Sirius groaned. “It’s fitting. And it’s not like anyone will guess.”

“Yeah,” James said. “I mean I reckon they’ll just assume you’re moon-faced.”

“Or you like to waggled your naked arse round the dorms—which they probably already think that anyway,” Sirius said, and earned a sharp pinch to his foot. “Ow! Tosser.”

Remus huffed, but resumed the rubbing. “Well Snape’s also prefect. He looked right pleased about it, too. Was sitting with Evans.”

James’ face went pink. “That fucking arse-faced shit. He really thinks smarming up to her’s going to win points.”

“About as much as you hexing people for fun,” Remus pointed out.

James huffed. “Yes well, I’m not a slimy git on track to become a sodding Death Eater, am I?”

“Snape came round for the hols. Was with Reg,” Sirius said quietly. “Not sure what they were getting up to, but willing to bet it wasn’t anything good.”

There was a decided quiet round the compartment after that. They were boys. Young teens, with their whole lives ahead of them, but no one could ignore the darkness on the horizon. Especially when part of it was sitting in Sirius Black’s home.

*** 

The nightmares hadn’t gone for either of the tortured boys in the fifth year dormitory. Each for their own various reasons, but tonight happened to be one Sirius Black, and maybe it was from the over-exertion on the Quidditch pitch that his body sent him into an almost fever-dream like state, but Remus Lupin woke to the sounds of muttered sobs against a pillow.

He first checked James, but the taller boy was splayed out just under his pillow, limbs lanky and every which way, mouth open with gentle snoring. Peter was, as usual, tucked in a foetal position just under the duvet, and Frank’s curtains were charmed shut so even if it was him, it wouldn’t have mattered.

But Remus didn’t really need to guess where the cries were coming from, and he slipped through the curtains of Sirius’ bed to find his friend only half-awake, though eyes wide with terror. Remus knew about these, these night terrors, and knew only a gentle, soothing touch to ease Sirius from his nightmare would work.

So his hand prodded gently along Sirius’ arm until the shaking stopped and his mouth closed and he blinked up sleepily at the scarred face of his friend. “Moony?” His voice was raspy and aching.

Remus noticed Sirius’ pyjamas had come undone at the top, revealing a sunset of bruising along his collar one. “That’s not from one Quidditch practice.”

Sirius flushed. “I could’ve let James heal it. But I wanted the reminder about why I hate them.” His voice was low and full of venom. “My body aches though.”

Remus let out a sigh, then crept out and into James’ trunk. The boy didn’t budge, not even when Remus’ fingers closed round the silky cloak. He reached through the curtains, pulled Sirius from the sheets, then draped them both together.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” Remus hissed as they made their way down the stairs and out of the portrait hall. “I’m a sodding prefect. I swear the things I do for you…”

Sirius gave a quiet snicker pressed into Remus’ shoulders as they went up to the fifth floor and Remus whispered the password to the Prefect’s bathroom. 

It opened wide and expansive. Remus hadn’t used it. Was refusing because something this lavish and wonderful he only ever wanted to share with his friends and if they were out, he was out. But he had looked. To see what he was missing.

“Turn those taps there,” Remus said, nodding as he shed the cloak into a squashy chair. A fire blazed in the hearth all on its own, and he appreciated the warmth.

Sirius obeyed, and played with each until he found a scent he liked and heavy, pink foam bubbles poured out. The tub the size of a swimming pool was filled much faster than it rightfully out to have, and the teens were careful to turn away as they disrobed and slid into the water.

Sirius let out a groan as he eased himself in the shallow end near Remus, letting his head fall onto his friend’s shoulder. “We’ve almost got our spell. I reckon the next moon, if not this one.”

Remus pushed his elbow back against Sirius playfully. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Oh believe it, Moony.” Sirius stretched his legs out, letting his toes creep up above the bubbles. “You’ve no idea about my absolute and incredible power.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “When you change into whatever tongue-lolling puppy you become, Sirius, I’m going to come up with the most ridiculous nickname you’ve ever heard. Something you’ll never life down. Like…Snuffles.”

Sirius sploshed him. “You won’t. No one will go for it. You’re not nearly as charming as I am.” He winked and pushed off from the wall, floating on his back. The bubbles muffled the sounds round the bathroom. “D’you think I’m fucked up, Moony?”

Remus startled in the water, leaning forward. “Do I think you’re what?”

Sirius lifted his head. “Fucked up? I mean, all this rubbish with my family and their love of dark things and for fuck’s sake Reg was meeting with Death Eaters. It’s bound to take some toll, hasn’t it? Can’t walk from that unscathed. Getting thrashed round by a sodding House Elf because I won’t stand for my brother spouting nonsense like those Blood Purists have got. But no one’s going to walk away from that clean.”

“I reckon not,” Remus said slowly. “But if you’re in for it, so am I. I shatter apart, become a raving wolf, then knit back together against my will. Every month. The wolf tries to devour itself to punish me. I’ve known pain since I was a wee bairn, unable to control it. So if you’re in for turning mad and losing yourself, I’ll be right along with you.”

Sirius kicked water at him. “Wee bairn. Your Scottish is showing, Moony.”

“We’re in Scotland,” Remus defended.

“It’s cute. It’s adorable, in fact.”

They crept back to the common room far too late to get any idea of sleep, but James stirred and beckoned them over, nuzzling Sirius, then turning to Remus to do the same. “Why d’you both smell like lavender?”

“Sirius chose the scents,” Remus defended as he tucked his legs into the backside of James’ knees.

“We had a bath,” Sirius said, and when James snorted into his shoulder, snuffling along his skin, Sirius shoved him. “We’ll take you next time. So you won’t be jealous. Moony and I can oogle you in the bubbles.”

“It’ll be a good time,” Remus said. He reached across James’ waist to take Sirius’ hand, and in the few hours they had left before morning, they slept.

*** 

By the first moon they had the map finished. At least the basics. Each boy would take turns with the cloak, documenting everything they could find as their dormmates slept. They got caught more times than they didn’t, and McGonagall got tired of seeing their faces doing lines so she’d send them to Hagrid. But it was worth it.

“I solemnly swear I’m up to no good,” Sirius said, activating the charm. The map flared to life and all four let out a delighted shout as footprints all over began to move and wander.

“My god. My god we are geniuses,” James said, throwing himself back on his bed. “This’ll really make it easier, won’t it?”

“We need to map the grounds though,” Remus said, tapping his quill on his lip. “Not just the insides. And I think we’ve only got a third of the sixth floor. And we missed some on ground at the very least.”

“No one’s got into Slytherin yet, either,” Sirius pointed out. “I refuse to do it on account of my delicate sensibilities.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “I’ll do it. Got friendly with a fourth year. She’s alright, not dark or anything.”

The lads slagged him for a bit, then went on making a detailed list of where they would explore next. “We need to test our Snivellus repelling charm at some point,” James pointed out. Maybe drop it when he’s with Evans.”

“We’ve only got so much time to get this done,” Remus warned. “Everything’s twice as hard now with the sodding OWL exams.”

“You’re just worried about potions,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “You’ll do alright.”

Remus sighed, but was too tired to argue. The moon was the next night and the boys had still not transformed. Not that he expected it to go well. Fifteen year old boys were not meant to master spells most grown witches and wizards could not.

Except, Remus wasn’t always right.

The night after the full moon, three boys came bounding into hospital without a care for Pomfrey or anyone else around. Sirius was glowing, and he wrenched Remus’ curtains shut.

“Moony, we’ve done it,” he hissed, barely able to contain his glee.

Remus was aching from head to toe, but he tried to sit up. “Done what? Oh no you haven’t done something to Slytherin, have you? Don’t make me take points…”

Sirius jumped bodily on Remus and licked him on the face. “I’m a dog. I’m a sodding dog!”

“Been telling you that now four bloody years,” Remus said, scrubbing at his cheek with the sheet.

“No! Bloody…you’re so thick. Remus I swear to…” Then, where once Sirius Black sat bothering him, was a giant, furry black dog with it’s tongue hanging out.

“Sirius,” James hissed, swiping at the dog’s muzzle. “Change fucking back! We cannot get caught!”

Remus was in too much shock as the dog shuddered and Sirius sat there once again. “Oh…oh. Oh. Merlin.”

Too full of his own pride, Sirius leant back as James brought the required sweets from Honeydukes and tipped them on Remus’ lap. “Told you. I told you we could do it. And we’ll be there next moon. It’ll be so brilliant.”

Remus was still pale, and his hands trembling. “And you two? Have you done it as well?”

James stuck out his chest. “Stag.”

“Ruddy great antlers too. I’m calling him Prongs now,” Sirius declared. “You should see them.”

“Expect I will,” Remus said in a very quiet voice.

Peter shuffled his feet and James barked out a laugh. “He’s a rat. He’s embarrassed.”

“I thought Pete was going to be a ferret. Instead he’s got a fat little body and a tail like a worm.” Sirius’ eyes lit with bright amusement. “A worm tail.”

“No,” Peter moaned. “Sirius…”

“Wormtail.” Sirius sighed and stuffed a cauldron cake in his mouth, chewing loudly.

“You’re disgusting,” Remus said when Sirius grinned all vanilla and cream at him. “And what about you. Snuffles?”

James snorted but Sirius stood up on his knees. “Padfoot.”

“What the hell is a Padfoot?” James demanded.

“Like the Grim,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“Aye. He wants to be nicknamed after a ruddy dog that means death. Typical.” Remus rolled his eyes, but he rather liked the way it rolled off his tongue and he wanted to torment Sirius a bit with Snuffles but he knew he had no arguments left in him.

Mostly he just wondered what it could mean.

“What if I hurt you?” Remus asked after a while. “Everything we know could be a lie. I could…”

He was quieted when James shuffled onto the bed and gave his cheek a sloppy kiss. “We’re going to risk it. And we’ll have an escape plans. Brooms and everything. But let us. Please. Because we’ve worked hard and it’s all we’ve got.”

*** 

It worked. Remus didn’t remember much. And he didn’t hurt much less when he woke on the floor of the shack. Except that it felt like he had been running, and aside from a few nicks and cuts, he wasn’t bleeding. And his throat wasn’t aching from his screams.

He was terrified, however, until he saw the bright eyes of Sirius peering round the curtain. “Lads are in charms. I had him hex me so I could see Pomfrey. I think Flitwick was on to me but I don’t care.” He slid up to Remus’ bed. “It was brilliant though. D’you remember?”

Remus shook his head, but there was a funny twisting in his gut when he realised he could smell Sirius this close. Smell him the way the wolf could and recognised him from it. From Padfoot. “I…it was. Good. It was good, Pads.”

Sirius’ smile could light the room if the sun had gone dark suddenly, and it warmed Remus down to his toes. “It was good, wasn’t it? It was better. We helped.”

Remus took his hand and squeezed it. “You helped.”

*** 

Just before the OWL exams, Sirius was cornered in the library by one enthusiastic Ravenclaw, Gideon Prewett. “You and James. Are you er…together?”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “What the hell?”

“You know. You know what I mean,” he persisted.

Sirius took a step back. “You’re barking.”

“I’m not though. So are you?”

“James is my best mate and I’m sure you can see by the way he keeps spectacularly failing to get Evans’ attention, no. He and I are not. Whatever you think we are.”

Gideon nodded. “Then maybe go with me to Hogsmeade, yeah?”

Sirius was so red and confused that he said nothing until Gideon turned on his heel and walked out like it was nothing at all. Like getting asked to Hogsmeade by some bloke in your year you never bloody talked to was just an every day sodding thing.

So he did what he could, and found James. “We need to talk immediately. Where’s Wormy and Moony?”

“Er. Dunno, mate. Why? We can get the map.”

Sirius grabbed James by the wrist and yanked him down the corridor until they found an empty classroom. Shoving him inside, he locked the door and spelled it silent.

“Are you going to try and snog me, because I love you but I don’t fancy you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Will you get over yourself, you fucking prat. I don’t fancy you.”

James stuck out his lip in a pout. “I know I’m dashing. I can see myself in the mirror.”

“Yes. You’re bloody wonderful. But I’m in the middle of a fucking crisis here, Prongs, and I don’t know what to do.”

James heard the panic in Sirius’ voice and immediately stopped. “What’s happened?”

So Sirius told him. And he was red and shaking and absolutely confused. “Are there poufs here, Prongs? Like proper ones who are just…okay with it? I mean bent, like me? Who just snog other boys and ask them out in libraries?” He threw his hands up, pacing a little out of nerves.

James let out a breath. “Dunno. Hadn’t really thought. I suppose it…could be normal. It’s not like people talk about it, do they? They just find empty classrooms or tapestries and snog. Don’t they?”

“Have you?” Sirius demanded.

James turned a funny shade of puce. “Well. I might have tried it when Dorcas asked me. And Marls when she was well gutted over you.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “And you didn’t say anything at all! Not a word. You’re out snogging and not telling us?”

James huffed. “Well seemed like it would be rude.”

Sirius levelled an accusing finger at James. “You don’t want it to get back to Evans, you dirty pervert! Oh you hexed them, didn’t you. Didn’t you?”

James looked away. “I might have used a charm which would identify if they’d said anything to her.”

“You’re vile and cruel. She’ll find out eventually, you know.”

James rolled his eyes. “Mate, this isn’t about me. This is about Gideon. Are you going to go with him?”

Sirius flushed again. “Well, he might expect things, and I’m not that kind of boy, Prongs. I’m good and proper.”

“That is the biggest lie you have ever told,” James countered.

“Be that as it may,” Sirius said with a wave of his hand, “I have a reputation to maintain.”

Leaning against a desk, James crossed his arms. “He’s alright though, Gideon. Not bad to look at. Might be good practise for someone you do fancy.”

Sirius turned red again. “Thing of it is, if it gets back to anyone in my family…”

James sighed. “So tell him that. Go in secret. Or do what every other respectable fifth year does and snog in quiet corridors so no one sees. You’re sixteen, what d’you need a bloody date for?”

“Might be nice to be romanced,” Sirius said, putting his nose up.

James snorted and yanked Sirius in, taking his hand. “I’ll romance you, you bloody great pouf. With candles and even sweets—not chocolates. And then you can use Gideon for his snogging skills.”

*** 

Problem was, Sirius hadn’t wanted to tell any of the other lads, so when Remus caught him and Gideon behind the One-Eyed Witch, it was a bit of a shock. To say the least. Remus hadn’t even taken points, just turned on his heels and hurried the other way.

Sirius sat there for an hour until James found him on the map and bodily dragged him back to the dormitory where Remus was waiting, sat on his bed and not looking up. Pete and Frank had been exiled, it seemed, which was just as well.

“We’re sorting this out right now,” James said.

Remus looked up. “You’re…you like…”

Sirius stuck out his chin. “Blokes. Yeah. Why? Is the werewolf going to get bigoted on me.”

Remus’ face flared red and he flinched like he’d been slapped. “I…the werewolf?”

Sirius realised his mistake immediately but being Sirius Black didn’t take it back. “So I’m a pouf. I mean, I’m not…a beast.”

“That is enough,” James hissed. “Sirius I love you more than anything but I will hex you into sodding Christmas if you insult him like that one more time.”

Remus’ eyes were wide, shocked, even watery as he backed up on his bed. “I was just…startled.”

Sirius felt guilt sink into his stomach like solid led. “I…Moony I…”

“It’s fine. I mean, you’re not wrong, Sirius. I am a beast.” It was more venom than either boy had ever heard Remus use in his tone, and they were stunned silent. “The fact that you’d…” Remus shook his head. “You don’t know me at all, it seems. It’s fine, Sirius.”

Sirius’ lack of nickname rang out louder than anything in the room, and Sirius knew he’d fucked up. “I’m…I didn’t mean it, Moony. I’m sorry.”

Remus let out a laugh. “Sure.”

Sirius was panicked now, because he trusted no one more than these two in the room right then and his skin started to itch with desperation to just go back in time and shut his fucking mouth because it was always the source of everything wrong in his life. Instead he just acted, as he always did, and climbed onto Remus’ bed and grabbed the sleeve to his robe. “I’m sorry. I was scared. I didn’t…James knew. I got pissed at his and told him and then I was so damn scared because I’m already fucked up. Everything…my family and being a Black and everything. And I wasn’t sure I could handle this other thing.”

Remus’ resolve was cracking and he turned his arm, letting his hand touch Sirius’ arm. He felt the bed dip down when James realised it was safe to come over. “Fine. I forgive you.”

Sirius shook his head. “You shouldn’t. I say things and I hurt people.”

Remus let out a long-suffering sigh and shifted so he and James could take Sirius between them. Sirius’ head rested against James’ chest and Remus put his fingers in Sirius’ long hair, brushing it gently. “Padfoot, you’re an idiot. A careless one, most definitely.”

“But you still love me?” he asked, grey eyes wide.

Remus took a moment to appreciate the profound size difference between the smaller teen between them, and him and James. “We do. Merlin only knows why. But we are unequivocally devoted to you.”

“Unequivocally devoted. Did you learn that from one of your muggle books, you fucking swot?” Sirius asked, leaning sideways into Remus.

“Maybe.” He grinned. “So you have to tell us though, d’you like Gideon?”

Sirius flushed, then absently brushed his fingers along his mouth. “I liked snogging. Felt nice. He’s a bit of a wanker though.”

James laughed. “You’re a bit of a wanker, so it all works out.” He stretched, then slid off the bed. “Speaking of snogging, Evans is in the common room and I want to see if she’ll talk to me.”

“Lost cause, mate,” Remus called.

James shoved two fingers up at him. “Never. Not until my dying breath.”

“Tosser,” Sirius huffed, leaning into Remus. “You really do forgive me, right?”

“Yes,” Remus said after a moment, resuming the hair petting. “Sometimes I think I shouldn’t, but seems with you and James I can’t help myself. I should dock points. Off Hufflepuff at least.”

Sirius groaned. “Then he’ll think you’re a jealous boyfriend.”

Remus very cleverly hid a shock that ran though him. “Yes well…I’m sure he thinks loads of things about the three of us.”

Sirius snorted. “He does a bit.” Sirius finally turned on his back, flicking his fingers at the top canopy of the bed and a shower of stars erupted. “James snogged. Dorcas and Marlene. So your turn, Moony. Who’re you sneaking off with? Please don’t say Pete.”

Remus pulled a face. “That would be no one, actually. But I think I sort of made my peace with that ages ago. Being what I am. Not like most people will understand, you know. I mean, you weren’t entirely wrong. I am a beast. Once a month.”

Sirius’ entire body went hot with rage and he turned. “No.”

“Yes, Sirius. I am. And…maybe it just hurt so much hearing it because it’s true and twenty-nine days a month I can pretend I’m not, but that one night makes up for it.” Remus let out a sigh and let his fingers fall into Sirius’ hand. “But I’ve got you. And I’ve got James, and that’s okay. That’s enough.”

Sirius closed his eyes and his entire body ached with a feeling he didn’t have words for. But he liked this. These fingers in his. It soothed him and he felt a love for his friends he couldn’t describe in proper words. “You’re enough for me too, you know. You and James. Snogging is great and everything but I think in the end it should be us.”

“Unless he wins Evans over.”

Sirius snorted and kicked Remus in the shin. “He’ll never stop being a giant prat, and she’ll never forgive him for that. But it’s okay, because he’s got us too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, Snape's worst enemy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Retelling of Snape's worst memory.
> 
> I should note in Canon I think James and Sirius were definitely on the bully side of things, but Snape was aligning himself with a racist group of terrorists, so it's hard for me to feel sorry for him. So there were motivations for all their actions.
> 
> Note: there is a kiss in this chapter between Sirius and James, but it's not ProngsFoot (although I've found that if I'm not shipping WolfStar I rather like ProngsFoot). Because it's not a romantic kiss I'm not adding it to the tags, but just know it's there. You've been warned xx

“How’d you make it without being seen?” James stepped up next to Sirius who was perched near the edge of the astronomy tower, an unlit cigarette clenched between his front teeth.

Sirius gave James a wolfish grin, sharp and glinting in the half-moon. Instead of answering, he kicked the foot hanging off the edge, and James peered over to see the broom floating. “Nicked it from the Quidditch cupboard. No one gives a fuck what I do, Prongs.”

James let out a sigh, letting the cloak fall to his feet, and he slid onto the edge next to Sirius. “Where’d you get the fags?”

“Nicked them from Slughorn’s desk.” He reached into the leather jacket he was wearing, and pulled out the pack. “They’re muggle.” He waited as James took one, then with a wave of his hand and muttered incantation, the tips sparked. Sirius took a long drag, letting the smoke fall from his lips and James wondered how long he’d been smoking and hadn’t known.

“Was it the letter?”

“Stop going through my shit, Prongs,” Sirius said, but there was no venom in his voice.

“The entire fucking Great Hall saw your owl, Padfoot,” he countered. “What did she say?”

“Not to bother coming home for Christmas. They’re having guests,” he sneered, “that might not be overly fond of seeing a Blood Traitor.”

“Merlin. You don’t think she means the Dark…”

“Nah,” Sirius said, waving his hand. “Not him. Death Eaters, though, probably. Trying to influence Reg.” He gave a shudder. “Also sent me a gift. Belated birthday present, I’m assuming.” He lifted his shirt and James sucked in his breath when he saw a smattering of boils.

“Fucking bitch.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “Right in one there, mate.”

Without a word, James pulled out his wand and cast a cooling charm on them. “Til you can get something from Pomfrey. Tell her Snivellus did it.”

Sirius bared his teeth. “That git. Moony had the map with him yesterday. Caught Snivellus going through his pack during the prefect meeting.”

“He hex him?”

“Itching hex in his pants,” Sirius said with a small laugh. “He couldn’t prove it though.”

They sat there a while, smoking their cigarettes and watching the smoke tendrils rise into the clear winter sky. “I’m gonna stay for Christmas.”

“Don’t be a git, Prongs…”

“I’m not. What am I going to do? Eat fucking brussels sprouts and sit round with my parents knowing you’re here alone. Fuck you for thinking I’m okay with that.”

Sirius dropped the rest of his cigarette, watching with vague interest as the glowing cherry fell to the ground, spreading a faint smattering of glowing embers before they burnt out. “I don’t want to go back there ever. I’m tired of being this fucking miserable.”

James crushed his cigarette out and dropped it. Sliding away from the edge, he yanked Sirius with him and pulled the cloak up over their legs. Sirius rested is head on James’ shoulder, nose turned in toward James’ neck, and careful fingers curled into Sirius’ long hair.

“I love you.”

James laughed. “I know, you nance. Hard not to, being as gorgeous as I am.”

“Some day you’ll stop being so fucking full of yourself,” Sirius said, but there was something a little lighter in his voice. 

James let out a breath. “You want to snog?”

Sirius coughed. “Er. Mate, I know you’re still dealing with me being pouf but it’s getting ridiculous. You’re not gay.”

“No. I mean probably not. And you don’t fancy me besides.”

“True.”

“But sometimes snogging feels good.”

“You just want to go on record saying you snogged Sirius Black.”

James threw his head back and laughed. He reached over and took Sirius by the chin. “So what if I do?”

“You won’t like it,” Sirius warned.

James shrugged, then closed the distance between them. Neither one of them were unfamiliar with the mechanics of kissing. But where there would have been groping hands and tongue and teeth, instead were gentle, warm lips pliant and friendly. Neither one of them parted way for more.

“Hmm.” James let Sirius tuck his head back into his neck. “Not bad, Black.”

“Same for you. Still don’t fancy you. Prick’s still a limp noodle under these jeans.”

“You disgust me.”

Sirius snorted. “No I don’t.”

“Nah. You don’t.” James kissed the top of Sirius’ head. “Bugger your entire family, Sirius. You’re too good for them.” He put his hand in Sirius’ and clenched it. “Let’s go raid Moony’s bed. He’s got the best cuddles when he’s sleepy.”

Sirius grinned as he let James pull him up. “He does. Reckon he won’t even take points if we let him have the middle.”

Sirius forgot about the nicked broom as James wrapped the cloak around him and they hurried through the corridors back to the common room. Remus’ curtains were closed, but when the teens slid in, sandwiching Remus between, amber eyes drifted open.

“You both smell,” Remus complained, winding an arm round Sirius’ waist whilst James curled up behind. “What were you doing?”

“Bad, vile things,” Sirius muttered. “Smoking, snogging, nicking brooms from the Quidditch cupboard.”

“Snogging each other?” Remus asked, his voice still muzzy with sleep.

“Bit, yeah. You want a go?” James asked, nudging Remus in the ribs.

The werewolf gave a yawn and nuzzled into Sirius’ side. “Maybe tomorrow. Five points from Gryffindor though.”

“Git,” Sirius said, but he didn’t have it in him to be angry. “You’ll regret that tomorrow.”

“I’ll have to shower extra to wash off the smoke smell,” Remus said. He kissed the side of Sirius’ neck. “Now go the fuck to sleep.”

And they did.

*** 

The afternoon just after the full moon, and three days before their first OWL exam, Sirius and James were strolling down the corridor toward the hospital wing to bring Remus a few Cauldron Cakes as the werewolf had requested.

They were just rounding the corner when Sirius, who was looking at the map, halted. “Snivellus is following us,” he muttered.

James reached into his pocket for his wand, and they resumed walking like nothing was wrong, but as they turned the corner, they flung themselves against the wall, and James shot out a stinging hex, hitting him in the legs.

Snape went down, hissing, but was quick to remove it and fire his retaliation which missed, but only barely.

“Fuck off, quit following us you snake,” Sirius hissed.

“Where are you off too, then?” Snape sneered back. “Going to go off to do depraved things to your beast?”

James’ eyes narrowed. “We don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, nor do we care. But I’ll make you very sorry if I catch you following us again.”

“Ten points for the hex, Potter,” Snape said.

James shrugged. “I’ll win it back by tomorrow.” He shoved two fingers at Snape who spun on his heel and hurried off.

When they were alone, James sagged a bit. “Fuck.”

“Caught him last month too, trying to see where Moony was,” Sirius said. “He’s going to figure it out.”

“Like hell,” James growled. “We need to get him. To teach him a lesson once and for all that nothing we do is any of his business.”

Sirius nodded, and they resumed their pace back to hospital where their aching friend waited.

*** 

The next morning at breakfast, the Marauders were sat together with their heads bowed. “Well we need to do something,” James said.

Remus scoffed. “Prongs, whilst I appreciate your utter devotion, we have OWLs. And I for one do not feel wholly prepared as I’ve just come off the moon.”

“You’ll be fine,” Sirius said, waving an impatient hand. “You’ve been studying ages.”

“He’s staring at us now,” Peter said, and nodded across the hall at the Slytherin table where Snape sat, his beady black eyes narrowed at them.

“One hex,” James said, reaching for his wand.

“No,” Remus insisted. “After the bloody exams you can do with him what you will. But not before. I’ll not have my studying nights wasting away in detention. I need Os.”

“Moony,” Sirius groaned, but knew when Remus was determined, he wouldn’t be moved. So they let it go and attempted to finish their breakfast.

A few minutes later, however, there was a decided hush and Peter choked a bit on his pumpkin juice. Turning his head, Sirius’ eyes went wide as his own landed on the narrow glower of his brother flanked by Snape and two other Slytherins Sirius didn’t recognise.

“What the bloody hell…?” Sirius asked.

Regulus lifted his nose. “Just came to see the queer blood traitor.” His voice rose, and Sirius blanched. “Figured maybe you were giving Potter here a handjob. Or maybe one to your little beastly friend. Pity no one’s put him down yet.”

Sirius was on his feet, going after his brother with fists, not wands, and it took Peter, Remus, and James to haul him back as McGonagall rose from the staff table.

“Calm down, mate,” James hissed in his ear. “Not here. Okay? Don’t.”

Pushing his friends off him, Sirius watched as Regulus smirked and walked away with the others trailing him. “That fucking useless waste of space,” Sirius growled. “Look at him. Look how superior he thinks he is.” He lowered his voice as he dipped his head low. “Did you hear what he said about Moony?”

“Honestly Pads,” Remus said as he urged his friends back to the table, “it really doesn’t take a genius to notice the signs. I’m gone every full moon.”

“I’m not…I don’t…” Sirius ran his fingers into his hair and growled.

“Did you see how pleased Snivellus looked?” Peter put in. “I bet he’s a Death Eater already.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as he grabbed a piece of bacon and stuffed it into his mouth. “Sod off, Wormy. What the fuck would a wizard like Voldemort want with a greasy piece of pond scum like Snape?”

Remus sighed, reaching for his goblet, but when he tipped his pumpkin juice to his lips, he let out a violent cry and dropped it. Pressing the sleeve of his robe to his mouth, his eyes filled with tears and when he pulled it away, there was a bleeding wound across his top lip where the juice had touched.

“Bloody hell,” James hissed. “Moony?”

“Silver,” Remus whispered from behind in sleeve. “In my goblet.”

“Those fucking monsters,” James growled. His entire body was shaking as Sirius pulled Remus over to inspect the damage. “Did you swallow any of it?”

Remus shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Just touched my lip. Bloody hell.”

“I’m going to kill them,” Sirius said.

“Please don’t,” Remus begged. He let out a small shudder as he pressed a napkin to his mouth and closed his eyes. “If you do, if they say anything…”

Sirius gulped and looked away from his bleeding friend. “You need someone to walk you to Pomfrey?”

Remus shook his head. “No I just…I should sort it out where they can’t see me. Don’t want to give them any real evidence.”

“You’re not going alone,” James said determinedly. “If they’re slipping silver into your goblet…”

“Tell Dumbledore,” Sirius said. “I’m not joking, Moony. Tell him.”

“After OWLs,” Remus said. He rose and James was on his feet with him. He looked like he was about to tell James off, but instead let out a resigned sigh and let his friend accompany him to be healed.

*** 

Over the next several days, pranking ceased and the students—even Sirius—were consumed with their exams. Sirius was far more nonchalant about it, as he’d always had a decent aptitude for magic, but he was more subdued than usual and stopped pestering Remus and Peter who were far more concerned with how they’d do.

Their final exam for the day was Defence Against the Dark Arts. Sirius, who was well finished with sitting for hours, was leant back in his chair, one leg cocked up on his desk. James, who was second, looked over and Sirius lolled his tongue out bit like Padfoot, and gave him a thumbs up.

James rolled his eyes, then glanced back at Remus who was just finishing, then at Peter who had ink on his nose and hair stuck up at odd angles from running his fingers through it.

When they were finished, Sirius was on his feet first, yanking Remus toward him. “Well lads, how was it? Did you like question ten, Moony?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, brilliant that.”

“You think you got all the signs?” James asked with a snort.

“Well let’s see. One, he’s sat in my chair. Two, he’s wearing my robes. Three, his name’s Remus Lupin.” He laughed when Sirius nudged him with his elbow.

“Well I got the snout, and the ears. And…” Peter gave a huff. “I dunno.”

“Christ, Wormy. You run with a sodding werewolf every full moon,” Sirius complained.

“Be nice,” Remus warned.

Sirius groaned, yanking Remus by the sleeve toward the lake where students were all starting to stand round, relaxing after the arduous testing. He flopped down by the tree as James reached into his pocket and pulled out a snitch with newer looking wings.

Ruffling his hair, he let it fly a bit, catching it, then letting it go.

“New one?”

“Nicked it from Hufflepuff,” James said with a shrug. “Mine was all banged up.” The snitch got a bit far, and James dove for it, grabbing it just before it was out of reach.

Peter let a whoop, and clapped, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “Put it away before Wormy pisses himself.”

“It’s banged up because you keep doing that,” Remus muttered as he pulled his Transfigurations text out of his pack and turned to the middle where he’d marked it.

Sirius watched him for a second, then groaned. “I’m bored.” He glanced at James who was still playing with the snitch, but stuffed it into his pocket as soon as he caught Sirius’ eye. “Wish it was the full moon tonight instead.”

Remus eyed him. “You’ll wish it tomorrow. We’ve got transfigurations. You can quiz me if you want though.”

“Nah. Know it already. Reckon I got Os on everything so far.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Course you do. Bloody ridiculous pureblood.”

“Oy,” Sirius said, giving Remus a playful kick.

The mood shifted when James leant forward a bit. “Excellent. Won’t be bored for long. Look who it is.”

Sirius glanced over and was immediately on his feet. “Snivellus.”

“Please don’t,” Remus said, his voice tired. “Prongs, Padfoot, please.”

“You really want us to let it go? After the bloody silver in your goblet. They’ll do it again, Moony,” Sirius said, his voice high and tight.

Remus sighed, climbing to his feet and scrambling after James and Sirius who were not to be deterred. Snape was ahead of them, his back turned, and Sirius nudged James before taking out his wand.

“Alright, Snivelly?”

As though on cue, Snape spun, his wand out, but Sirius had been ready for him. “Expellairmus!”

Snape’s wand went flying, and James caught it between his fingers. Giving it a twirl, he laughed when sparks shot out of the end. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but James pointed Snape’s wand back at him, sending Snape sprawled into the dirt, and laughed.

“Who’s the filthy beast now?”

Snape turned up angry, beetle-black eyes at the Marauders. “Your queer bitch dog. How’s it sticking your cock in his arse. Bet he…”

But James had gone pink round the edges and pointed the wand again. “Watch your bloody mouth, Snape. Scourgify!”

Snape leant forward, gagging on foam which came pouring from his throat. James took a threatening step forward, but a shrill voice stopped him. “Leave him alone, Potter.”

James’ eyes widened and he turned, his hand going into his hair to muss up his already disastrous locks as he smiled at Evans. She was holding her books to her chest, her eyes angry and narrow. 

“Alright, Evans?”

“Why are you such a prat, Potter? Why can’t you just leave him alone?”

“Why’re you defending this greasy git?” James countered. He took a step back and crossed his arms, still holding Snape’s wand. “Tell you what, I promise never to hex Snivelly again if you go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend.”

Lily’s eyes went wide. “You’re joking.”

“Not at all.”

With a scoff, she shook her head. “I’d rather date the giant squid than you.”

“Bad luck, mate,” Sirius said, elbowing James.

Rolling his eyes, James shrugged. “Your loss.”

“Give him his wand back,” Lily bit. She took a step toward Severus who was on his knees, but the Slytherin shot his hand out, pushing her back. A crowd of Slytherins were gathering, and Sirius eyed his brother who was watching from the fringes of the crowd. Snape’s eyes followed his, then he sneered.

“I don’t need help from some filthy Mudblood.”

There was a marked silence, thundering round them, and James’ eyes went wide. He looked at Lily who’d gone pale, and she stood up straight. “I…fine. Fine.” She turned on her heel and ran off.

James was near purple now, and beside him Sirius was shaking. Even Remus who had been determined to stay out of it, was narrowing his eyes at Snape.

“You disgust me,” James hissed. He pointed the wand. “Levicorpus!” Snape was whipped into the air, and with a flick of his wand, was turned upside down. His robes dropped, revealing greying pants, and the crowd tittered a laugh.

Remus’ face went pale and he stepped forward. “Prongs…”

“Did you hear what he said?”

“We’re going to get detention,” Remus hissed.

“I don’t care. This…this foul, disgusting thing…” James turned back to Snape. “Who wants to see me take Snivelly’s pants off.”

Everyone laughed, but before James could do anything, Remus touched his arm. “Please. If you think they’ve come after me now, this’ll only make it worse.” He clutched James’ robes and nodded to the Slytherins who were watching, cold-eyed and curious.

“Lily too,” Remus insisted.

That seemed to shock him out of it, and he dropped the wand, breaking the spell. Snape fell in a heap on the ground, sputtering, and James threw the wand at him.

“If I ever catch you coming after me or my friends, or Evans—and I don’t care how much she hates me—I will make you very sorry.”

With that, James turned on his heel and the Marauders, very slowly, followed him.

*** 

Two nights later found Remus, Sirius, and James in the prefect’s bathroom well after hours. It was warm, a fire blazing, and James had chosen a woodsy scent for the heavy bubbles. He was floating in the centre of the bath, Remus and Sirius lounging in the shallow waters, heads leant back against the edge of the tub.

“You reckon they’re going to try something again?” Sirius asked.

Remus absently brushed his hand over his lip which had a fresh scar not even Pomfrey could get rid of. “Dunno. Probably.”

“I hate them,” James said. He popped his head up, squinting at his friends without his glasses. “That sort of thing… I mean isn’t he supposed to be her friend? He’s not even pureblood.”

Sirius closed his eyes and spoke, his voice soft. “Doesn’t matter. You know, you throw yourself in with that lot and they’ll forget so long as it’s convenient to. And Reg is walking round like he’s King Slytherin the way he is…”

Remus reached over and took Sirius’ hand. The other teen froze for a second, going tense, but as Remus rubbed his thumb along Sirius’ palm, he started to relax. “I’m sorry, Pads.”

Sirius moved closer, dropping his head onto Remus’ shoulder. “I just…I can’t believe how bad it’s getting. Dumbledore has to do something. You can’t keep being petrified to eat or drink. I mean, what if you’d swallowed that, Moony?”

“I could have died,” Remus said with a small sigh. “But you know…I knew that. I was warned, when they let me come here. It’s not only Death Eaters who think things like me should be, you know…put down.”

James sat up in the water, his face drawn. “You’re not a thing, Moony. You’re… fuck. You’re not a thing.” He swam over and crouched down in the water in front of Sirius and Remus. “We’ll fight them.”

“Who? Reg and Snape?” Sirius asked with a scoff.

“The Death Eaters. The Dark Lord. Anyone who wants to spout this nonsense. I’m pureblood, but I’m not an idiot. And you, Pads. You come from the sodding house of Black and you’re not…like that.”

Sirius gulped. “Could’ve been. Easy.”

“But you’re not,” James said. His jaw went tense. “I don’t care how much Evans hates me. I won’t sit back and let them think they’re better than her.”

Remus let out a breath. “I just want to finish Hogwarts in one piece. And…right now I’m doing that.”

James ruffled his hair again and then leant against the side near his friends. He felt Remus’ free hand take his, and he closed his eyes. “I know. It’s…I just love you both. Maybe more than I love Evans.”

Sirius snorted. “Right.”

“Differently, you tosser,” James said, squeezing Remus’ fingers. “Let’s just make sure we take care of each other. And others who can’t.”

It was a solemn vow. And maybe they weren’t the kindest boys. But they wanted to do what was right. And they were getting there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, Sirius leaves his home for the Potter's, and The Prank. More feelings are revealed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with The Prank. Emotional fall-out, and some PTSD symptoms (including hallucination) so if you're triggered, please be warned. It starts when Sirius goes to confront Remus in the Prefect bathroom after The Prank.

“Don’t.”

The dark-haired boy laughed and laughed, his head thrown back, cheeks flushed. “Don’t. That’s all you’ve got to say?”

Sirius clenched his cigarette between his teeth, and when his brother slapped his face, he didn’t budge. “You’ll regret it.”

“What the fuck would you know? I reckon they’re all right about you? Queer, half-breed loving, blood-traitor.”

“At least I’m standing up for something.” Sirius brushed his hands back through his hair. “You can say no.”

“I don’t want to,” Regulus said, tilting his nose up.

“You’re fourteen years old. You’re going to regret this.”

Regulus’ jaw tightened and he levelled his wand at his brother. “You’re going to regret it.”

Sirius’ head bowed and his eyes shut. “Probably. But go on, Reg. Get on with it. Induct yourself.”

The curse flew and Sirius almost laughed in spite of the pain because the Unforgivables only worked when you meant them to. And oh fuck, Regulus meant it to.

*** 

Sirius had always been good at wandless magic. A talent, really, useless at most times except now being able to break the wards on his bedroom window and climb out was far from it. He didn’t know where the Potters would be, but he was pretty sure they’d take him in. His head turned up to the sky and saw it wasn’t close to a full moon yet. Remus wouldn’t need them just yet.

His back arched and he transformed in spite of the pain. Even as Padfoot he could taste the blood in his mouth and every bone in his body was on fire, but it was better this way. He could run this way.

It took him four hours to find them. It was in the middle of the night, probably close to dawn, he couldn’t be sure. But he resumed his form and knocked on the door anyway because someone would answer. A House Elf, maybe? Or the disgruntled parents of his best friend.

Instead it was James and though his brown eyes went wide at the sight of Sirius just standing there half-bloody and shaking, he didn’t say anything. A blessing, really. He opened the door wider and let Sirius in.

“How long did it take you to get here?” James asked.

Sirius winced. “Few hours. Ran as Padfoot most of the time.” He coughed and blood dribbled down his chin.

“Fuck.”

Sirius waved his hand, but a wave of dizziness struck hard and he had to brace himself on James’ shoulder. “It’s a curse. I think. Not sure. I mean Cruciatus doesn’t usually leave you bleeding. Must be something else. Don’t remember all of it.”

James swore under his breath again but took Sirius to the couch and he was almost blacked out as he laid his head on a cushion.

There was a flurry of movement after that. Time was meaningless for a while, he drifted in and out. Someone gave him a potion, cast a few charms over him. There was a blanket at one point, he thought. A warm hand on his brow. Didn’t matter.

He was healing. He could feel whatever was broken on the inside stitching itself back together and he was able to breathe without feeling like his lungs were full of small, sharp knives. “M’sleepy.”

James was on the floor by his head, and was leaning against his shoulder. “Go to sleep, Pads. Mum’s got you fixed up. You’re alright now.”

Sirius smiled, a little broken, only one eye open but he was warm now. “Yeah. Am that.”

*** 

Sirius didn’t speak for a few days. He ate when asked to. Bathed. Slept. He was given the room next to James, but he didn’t sleep in it, or if he did, it wasn’t alone and the adults in the house didn’t say a word about it.

His body was exhausted but he was getting better. He just couldn’t talk about it. About anything.

The first weekend at the Potters, James dragged him out to go flying. “I’ve sent an owl to Moony and he says after the moon he can come spend a week or so.”

Sirius’ eyebrows went up. “We’re not going for the moon?”

James shrugged. “He doesn’t want us to. Thinks it’ll be too dangerous. He’s in Wales anyway, mate. Not sure we could get up there and back in time without being spotted.”

Sirius put his fingers in his hair. “So he’s supposed to go it alone all summer?”

James shrugged. “You’re in no condition to be running round like that anyway.”

Sirius leant all the way forward on his broom, letting his arm dangle down as he drifted in a lazy circle. “M’fine Prongs.”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “So.”

“So, you’re not fucking fine and you’re not running round with Moony.”

“So you go, then. You can’t abandon him just because I fucked up.” Sirius sat up suddenly, nose-diving toward the ground. He heard James shout at him, and contemplated letting himself crash, but pulled up at the last second, toppling off and rolling over to the side. His broom drifted away in the wind, and he laid flat in the dirt.

James came over a few second later and gave him a shove. “What the fuck.”

“What?”

“You know what.” He flopped down onto the ground and laid his head on Sirius’ thigh. “You going to self-destruct all summer?”

Sirius ran his hands into his hair and had the sudden, mad thought of cutting it all off. Course he would never but… “Reg joined the Death Eaters.”

James stiffened, lifting his head up. “What?”

“You heard me.” Sirius’ voice was soft, but so angry. “He joined the sodding, shitting, pureist, shit-weasels who are currently responsible for everything wrong in our world. Took the mark. His induction was torture. Loads of fun for him, I bet.”

“You.” James’ voice was dark, furious, and he was shaking. 

“He wasn’t alone. There were a few others.”

“Anyone we know?”

“Nah.” Sirius closed his eyes, knowing which one behind the mask was Regulus, but he didn’t recognise any of the others. “Couldn’t really tell anyway. He was the youngest though. Bella was there, laughing like a bloody maniac. Giving him tips,” he spat.

James rolled onto his side, looking up at Sirius’ chin. “How long?”

Sirius shrugged. “Lost time a bit. Mum stopped them after a while, asking if I’d change my mind. Told her what I thought about that, and she made me watch her blast me off the tapestry. So disinherited. So now I’m poor.”

“You’re not. You’re…I mean you’re here. My parents will take care of everything.”

Sirius closed his eyes, pain radiating in every pore. “Prongs. I just…”

“Don’t. Because you know what the fuck you’d do if it were me. You know.”

Sirius winced, but couldn’t argue because it was true. He would do literally anything for his friends. “I’d say don’t tell your parents, but I think they already know. Heard your dad telling your mum earlier something about when the heir is disinherited.”

“They said you can stay here.”

“Reckon so, since they managed to get my trunk,” Sirius said with a bitter laugh. The third day of his arrival he woke to find his trunk, broom, and wand sitting at the foot of his bed. No one said anything about it, but Sirius accepted it for what it was.

“Let’s go inside and raid the kitchen. Bet there’s curry left.” James got up and extended a hand to Sirius who rose and with his hand summoned their brooms to follow. The walk back was long, but felt good on his legs.

James didn’t bring it up again, though. There was no need to.

*** 

The full moon came a week and a half later, and Sirius found himself awake, sitting on the window ledge with his feet dangling out, a cigarette between his teeth. He was staring up at the clear sky and fancied he could hear Remus howling all the way from across the country.

“Sorry Moons,” he whispered. It would do no good even if his voice could reach. The feral wolf wouldn’t care. He hated himself a little for not being there. Because caring for his friends was the only thing that made the ache in his chest go numb. At least for a little while.

He glanced back at James who was staring at him, sat up against the headboard. “Got a spare?”

Sirius nodded to the desk, and James climbed out of the sheets, taking one and standing in front of Sirius who waved his hand, lighting the tip with a flicker of magic. James sucked in a long drag, letting the smoke flow out of his nose.

“I’m well fucked, Prongs.”

“Nah.” James sat on the chair and leant against Sirius’ arm. “I mean, maybe a bit. But it won’t last forever.”

Sirius let out a small laugh. “When did you become such an optimist?”

“Since that day on the train when I hexed Bellatrix and dragged you and Moony to my compartment.”

Sirius laughed again, this time feeling it deep in his gut. “Yeah. The Black Family outcast and a sodding werewolf. How did you get so lucky?”

James fixed him with a hard, genuine stare and took his hand. “I don’t know, Sirius. But I swear to Merlin I will make sure I appreciate it every day of my life.”

Sirius looked away when his eyes began to burn, and his throat tightened up. “You're bloody mad, Prongs.”

James laughed as he squeezed Sirius’ hand again. “Guess I am, mate.”

*** 

Remus arrived two days later, looking worse for the wear, but not as bad as he did his first year at Hogwarts. He came by floo, giving James and Sirius a watery smile as he brought his things up to James’ room.

“How was it?” Sirius demanded, giving Remus a once-over.

“Had worse.” Remus lowered himself into James’ chair. “You going to explain exactly what happened?”

Sirius turned his chin up. “No. Unless you want to get me drunk tonight. You know I can’t keep my fat mouth shut when I’m pissed.”

Remus sniffed, then smiled. “Yeah, guess you’re right. I brought you something though.” He got up and went to his pack, rummaging round until he came up with a small bottle filled with a black-cherry coloured liquid. He gave it a shake, then twisted off the cap.

“Merlin what the hell is that smell?”

“Polish.” Remus sat down at Sirius’ feet and took his hand. Uncapping the bottle, he dragged a tiny brush across Sirius’ nails and the colour spread out like blood. “It’s muggle.”

Sirius watched, wordless and fascinated as Remus dragged the brush over each nail. Puckering his lips, he blew across them for a few minutes, then sat back and admired his work. “Nicked it from my mum. She used to make me polish her nails for her when I was younger, always whinging that she didn’t have a daughter she could share it with.”

Sirius lifted one hand and admired the colour in the fading light of the evening sun. “Looks good on me, yeah?”

James looked over and smiled. “Fetching.”

Sirius stuck two fingers up at James who laughed. “So mates, we getting pissed tonight or what?”

*** 

They did. Sirius over-indulged as they expected him to, and before midnight was passed out with his head in Remus’ lap. James and Remus sat against the headboard of Sirius’ bed, Remus’ fingers in Sirius’ hair, stroking their way through the soft locks. James was resting his shoulder against Remus, his eyes closed.

“You’re going to keep him, right?” Remus asked after some time. He kept his voice low, but Sirius didn’t stir.

“Course.”

“No matter what. Even if they ask for him back. Even if he tries to go.”

James glanced over. “Moony, what do you take me for?”

“A sodding git,” Remus said with a smile. “Also I just needed to hear it. Because I’m terrified for him.”

“I know.” James let out a sigh and curled his hand into the back of Sirius’ shirt. Still the teen didn’t move. “Me too.”

Remus looked down at Sirius’ profile and let his eyes close half-way. “I’m in love with him, I think.”

James startled a bit, shifting to the side so he could get a better look at his friend. He didn’t say anything though, just stared quietly.

“It’s mad, I know. But I cannae help it. Maybe it’s the wolf, making me crave the bold and reckless.” Remus looked over at James with a grin. “Bit in love with you as well, Prongs.”

“You’re just saying that so I don’t feel left out,” James countered, but he was grinning.

“Never.” Remus leant his head over to nuzzle James for a second. “It’s different with him.”

“Seems like it always is,” James said quietly.

“Don’t tell him, okay?” Remus closed his eyes for a second, a pained look crossing his face. “It’s…he’s got enough to deal with and I’ve been pining away since third year. I always reckoned I’d never…you know, have some grand romance. And it’s fine. I’m not allowed to marry anyway, or have children. That woman at the Ministry, Umbridge. Just got appointed to the head of some department—I forget which. Dad was talking about it. She’s petitioning the Minister for Magic to have human rights revoked for Werewolves. Asking for us to be tagged and monitored. Put in areas where we can be kept under watch.”

James felt a white-hot shudder coursing through him. “I won’t let that happen.”

Remus shook his head. “There was a massacre last week. Ministry’s trying to keep it hushed up, they don’t want to induce panic. Signs are pointing to the Dark Lord but…it was a werewolf attack. Some muggle village outside of Cornwall.”

James swore under his breath. “This isn’t okay.”

“I know.” Remus resumed stroking Sirius’ hair. “It’s going to get worse for me, you know. After school. My education’s going to worthless if I’m not allowed to work. But…dad says there’s a war coming.”

“Reckon so,” James said from behind a breath.

Remus was silent another minute. “My mum’s ill.” He looked at James and his eyes were watery. “Really ill. Something muggle. They can’t…she’s not…” He stopped. “Didn’t want to tell Sirius after everything. They don’t expect her to make it past next Christmas.”

“Fuck. Moony.” James’ voice was harsh, breaking a little because why was everyone he loved so fucking much always in so much pain. He shifted over and kissed Remus several times across his cheek. “Moony, I’m sorry.”

Remus smiled. “I know. Just…for now let’s have it all out there, but just between us. Sirius needs to get better, and you know what he’ll do if he finds out. He’ll stuff it all down and it’ll fester. He won’t heal.”

James breathed. “I know.” After a pause, “You should tell him you love him though. You never know. He’s bent.”

Remus chuckled. “I know. But the thing of it is, I love him too much to tie him down to a Dark Creature. What kind of life would he have with me, James?”

“A fucking good one,” James all-but growled.

Remus shook his head. “It’s too much. Let’s survive our last two years, and then I’ll think about it. For now, I’m happy.” He met James’ eyes. “Promise.”

*** 

Remus returned to the compartment after the prefect meeting, flopping onto the seat next to Sirius whose mouth was stuffed full of a Sugar Quill he’d found in his trunk. It was a bit stale, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Snape’s not prefect this year.” Remus stretched his legs out in front of them, and they’d got so long, they reached the other seats. “Evans saw him in the corridor though, and refused to look at him.”

“Good,” James groused. “That fucking slimy wanker…”

“You reckon he’ll try and poison Moony again?” Peter asked, balancing an exploding snap card on the seat next to him.

“Doubt it. I let Dumbledore know,” Remus said. “He didn’t say anything to me about it, but I don’t think he’s going to let the Slytherins get away with it. Rumour has it he’s part of some force against the Dark Lord.”

“Not a surprise. He’s the one who defeated Grindelwald,” Sirius said, turning round so he could rest his head in James’ lap. He snuggled in and grinned round the top of the sugar quill. “Anyway, I think we’ve got more important things to discuss.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow up at Sirius. “As in…?”

“Finishing the map. And winning the sodding Quidditch Cup this year. Now that Prongsies here is captain.”

James couldn’t help his blush, nor the way his chest puffed out. “Well I think I’ll focus on try outs at least for a while. Lost four good players we did. Can’t being to think of who to replace them with…”

And for just a little while, the sixth years in the small compartment on the train could forget. 

The sorting was quick enough, and the feast was lively. The Slytherin table were mostly quiet, and Remus couldn’t help but notice Sirius glancing over from time to time. Regulus sat cosied up to Snape, talking with their heads bent low, but Sirius caught him glancing over from time to time.

“How much trouble d’you reckon I’ll get in if I hex him from here?” Sirius muttered.

“Please don’t make me take points on the first night,” Remus begged. “What’s it going to solve.”

“Make me feel better at the very least,” Sirius muttered.

Remus worried his bottom lip, moving just a little closer to Sirius. “Don’t do it and I’ll fly with you tonight.”

Sirius glanced over. “You hate flying.”

Remus shrugged. “It’s fine. Prongs’ll come. We’ll nick something from the kitchens and go flying. And I’ll polish your nails again.”

Sirius glanced at his now-clean nails and then over at James who was watching them intently. “Yeah. Alright.”

Late into the night, the three teens, who found it increasingly difficult to slip under the cloak together, headed out of the Gryffindor Tower to the Astronomy one. Sirius summoned their brooms and they jumped on, rushing into the deep, chilly night air.

Remus didn’t like flying, but he did very much like watching what it did to Sirius. He was free up in the air, calm. His face serene, eyes lit like the twinkling star bearing his name in the September sky. Remus couldn’t help his smile. He was in pain sometimes, when he looked at Sirius. Knowing he would love him probably forever and knowing it probably meant nothing.

Sirius was a super nova. He was bright and furious and would go out in some blaze of glory. He was reckless and so loyal it made Remus’ insides ache all over. He was content though, just to know him. To love him from his own distance.

“Come on lads,” James called. “It’s getting late. Let’s have a bit of cake and then get back to the tower.”

The three landed back on the stone, curling up against the side with James’ cloak spread over their lap. James passed out the nicked vanilla cakes, and with Sirius sandwiched between them, they huddled close together.

“You reckon this year will be alright?” James asked.

“Dunno. Still planning to try and pull Evans?” Sirius challenged.

“Most likely.” James grinned round the cream. “Unless you want a go with her?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Bent, practically broken, you twat. You could ask Moony here, though. He’s got access to her. You fancy Evans, Moony?”

Remus nearly choked on his cake. “Er. No. James would kill me and I didn’t spend years trying to survive being a werewolf just to have my best mate murder me in my bed.”

“My bed tonight,” Sirius said, his voice solemn.

“Not for me. Remus is too bloody tall,” James said, and cast a look over at Remus who blushed just a little.

“Fine. No cuddles for you.” Sirius leant toward Remus. “Ever again.”

“Liar,” James said with a grin. “You can’t resist my charms.”

“You’re so fucking full of yourself, Prongs,” Sirius said, but he was laughing and it sounded genuine and happy. “It’s amazing how Evans hasn’t fallen down at your feet.”

“She will,” James vowed. “We’ll get married and have a dozen babies that we’ll be dropping by yours so you can mind them and Evans and I can have a ton of sex all the time.”

“Merlin please never ever tell her that. You’re…depraved and disgusting. And what the fuck would anyone want with a dozen children?” Sirius brushed cake crumbs from the cloak and stood, pulling his friends with him. “I’m shattered.”

The other two agreed, and with the map, they made their way back to the dormitory where Frank and Peter still lay asleep. True to his word, James crawled into his own bed, saying nothing as Sirius pulled Remus down with him.

“There’s plenty of room you fucking tosser,” Remus hissed out.

“S’okay. Sirius always hogs the blankets and I’m feeling particularly chilled tonight.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and yanked Remus down, nuzzling into the back of his neck. “Who fucking needs him anyway. He can cuddle himself.”

Remus, torn between pleasure and pain, merely closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the ghost of something he was sure he would never have.

*** 

If anything could be said for sixth year it was two things. One, the Marauders—whilst no less creative in their pranks and general maraudering, had felt a bit more tame. They still ran round with a werewolf once a month, but seventeen—or nearly seventeen—leant itself to something akin to feeling a bit more grown up.

And two—there was a war on, and things were tense. Very tense. There wasn’t a day that went by that some Muggle village hadn’t been raided, or someone was arrested in suspicion of aligning themselves with the Dark Lord. And it was getting worse. Dumbledore was away too often, and the students noticed the absence.

People felt less safe.

“James is a bit…I mean,” Evans said one evening as she and Remus headed back for Gryffindor Tower. “He’s quiet this year. Hasn’t asked me out hardly at all.”

Remus smiled a very quiet smile and shrugged. “Reckon he’s getting over himself a bit.”

“Only a bit. I saw his little display after the last match with Slytherin.”

Remus almost laughed at the memory of James ripping off the top half of his Quidditch robes and flaunting his well-fit chest in the rain to all the girls round him. “Yes well…he’s still James, isn’t he?”

Lily groaned. “Unfortunately. But he’s got less detentions. Lost us not nearly as many points.” She tugged on a lock of her red hair. “And Black. What’s got into him?”

Remus felt his cheeks pink. Sirius was hot and cold. Some days reckless and rude, refusing to work in class, smarming off to professors, hexing innocent Slytherins just for the fun of it. Other days he was quiet, doing his assignments, saying very little.

Remus knew why, and he didn’t know how to fix it. 

“I heard he’s with the Potters now,” Lily said after a second. “I mean, I don’t expect you to tell me. I know the three of you are…weirdly close.”

“It’s not weird,” Remus defended immediately.

“That’s not what I…” Lily let out a pained noise. “They care for you, that much is obvious and I guess it’s…I mean it’s good, isn’t it?”

Remus swallowed and ruffled his tawny hair. “Reckon so.”

“You could do a little more to tame them. Tired of it being down to a handful of points at the end of the year. Ravenclaw beat us by five last year.”

Remus gave a sheepish smile because the ten they lost the day before their last had been their fault. “Well if you have a way to try and tame James Potter and Sirius Black, I’m all ears.”

Lily pinked round the cheeks. “Never mind.”

Remus laughed. “I know they both seem like big-headed gits. They are big-headed gits. But they’re alright.”

“They’re mean,” Lily said. “Snape…”

“Maybe,” Remus said, his voice going dark, “he deserved it. Everyone heard what he said to you. And we know what he’s got up to, Evans. Dark magic. Death Eaters.”

Lily looked like she might be ill, then shook her head. “He’s…it’s not…” She stopped. “We’re not friends anymore so I don’t see why it matters.”

“Yet you continue to punish Potter for standing up to someone like that. I’m not saying he was right. Not all the time. And I’m not saying that he was mature. But maybe his reasons were…kind.” They’d reached the tower now, and Remus gave the portrait the password as Lily stared at him, mouth in a thin line. “Night, Evans.”

*** 

“These showers are rubbish,” Sirius whinged as he felt the water shift from warm to cold to warm again.”

“You reckon someone cursed them?” James asked. He soaped his hair then shoved his head under the stream, grimacing when he got stuck with a face full of frigid water.

“Probably. Ravenclaws are just brassed we beat them. Again.” Sirius rubbed soap over a particularly nasty bruise on his arm caused by a missed bludger, but he wasn’t fussed about it.

“We can nip over to the Prefect’s bathroom tonight,” James said. He turned the knob and grabbed his dressing gown from the wall. “Moony’ll want a good soak after moon recovery.”

Sirius breathed in a burst of steam before turning his water off and following James to go dry off. “Shall we do that instead of the Room of Requirement?”

“Means no Wormtail. Not exactly interested in him seeing my bits floating round in the tub.”

Sirius smirked as he reached for his robes. “Aww Prongsies. Does that mean you like me and Moony oogling you?”

James rolled his eyes. “Only because the pair of you know how to appreciate perfection.” He turned round, still naked, and waggled his arse at Sirius.

“Still not attracted to you mate, but you can keep trying.”

“Whatever. You know this is class A wank material.” James mussed his hair before putting on his pants, then went to the sink to brush his teeth. “Oh. But I have something for you.”

“I already told you I don’t want your cock, Potter,” Sirius said, dropping down into a chair.

“I’m being serious,” James said, then went pink. “No I…”

“Not nearly sexy enough to be me,” Sirius replied.

“Damn it.” James huffed, then went to his robes where he dug round, and came up with a tiny package. With a flick of his wand, he enlarged it, then handed it over to Sirius. “Happy Unbirthday, you fucking wanker.”

Sirius tore into the package immediately, and came out with a rectangle-shaped mirror with a small, brass frame round it. “Er. Mate, I know I’m good looking but I don’t need to stare at myself all day.”

“No you fucking…” James huffed, then reached into his robes and pulled out an identical one. He tapped the mirror with his wand, and Sirius gasped when he saw James’ face instead of his own. “They’re charmed, so we can talk any time.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “I…did you do this?”

James shrugged, looking at the ground. “Er. Yeah. I reckoned maybe it’s a good idea. And that way we won’t be so bored if we get separate detentions. And if we get you know, separated. For any reason.”

Sirius was staring at it for the longest time, then jumped up and grabbed James, placing a wet kiss on the corner of his mouth. “You know I fucking love you, right?”

James laughed, cupping Sirius’ cheek. “Yeah, I do. Lucky, that, because I love you too.”

“We’re so disgusting. We should probably just shag already and get it over with.”

“Ah darling, alas I am tragically pining for one Lily Evans. And furthermore, you keep insisting you’re not interested in my arse.”

“Always gotta bring logic into it,” Sirius said with a dramatic sigh. “Put your robes on, you pervert.”

James flashed him two fingers before doing just that.

*** 

The Hogsmeade weekend just before Christmas found the Marauders huddled in the Three Broomsticks. It was snowing a fluffy white blanket all over the village, and though it was the middle of the afternoon, the sky was dim and threatening.

The four teens crowded up by the fire, Sirius reclining back in his chair, half leant into Remus, and James was leaning on the table with his chin cupped in his hand. Peter sat on the edge, staring longingly at a group of Gryffindor fifth year girls who hadn’t given any of them the time of day.

“Going to have a letch?” Sirius asked Peter, giving his chair a kick. “You’re a year older, bet they’ll let you buy them a round.”

Peter went pink in the cheeks. “Tried already.”

“Bad luck.” Sirius gave him a wolfish grin as he leant further into Remus. “You fancy one, Moony? I could warm one up for you.”

Remus coughed, looking away. “I’m not interested in letching on a bunch of fifth years, Sirius. I’m not that bored.”

“Aw go on. They’re a bit cute,” Sirius pressed.

“Really really not interested. And how the bloody hell would you know?” Remus challenged.

“I can appreciate, just because I don’t want to put my cock in one.”

Remus choked on his drink. “Christ, Sirius.”

He grinned, then gave Remus’ cheek a long lick with the flat of his tongue. “You love me.”

“Yes. And you make it so easy to,” Remus replied, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

Sirius let out a huff, but his eyes darted up when the pub’s door opened and Lily walked in. Her green eyes scanned the room, and her face fell when whomever she was searching for was nowhere to be found. “She looks lonely. Shall we invite her?”

“I’m not in the mood to be humiliated tonight,” James said miserably.

“Who said she will,” Sirius said. “She likes Moony well enough.” The Marauders protested, but Sirius leant forward. “Oy! Evans! Come over and have a drink, yeah? Pete, give her yours. You haven’t touched it have you? No dodgy potions floating round?”

Peter went pink. “Er. No.”

“Come on then,” Sirius called again, ignoring her suspicious glower. “We don’t bite…”

“Just once a month,” Remus muttered under his breath, and James bowed his head to hide his laughter. 

“Afraid?” Sirius challenged.

After a moment, Lily threw up her arms and huffed, then walked over, taking the seat furthest from James. “Alright, lads?”

Sirius grinned. “Better now. Who were you looking for?”

“Dorcas. Said she’d be here at half four.”

Sirius glanced at the clock. “Stood you up, has she? Not as charming as we all thought.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Remus, how are you?”

“Comfortable,” he replied honestly.

“Course he is.” Sirius snuggled in deeper. “Next to James, I’ve got the best cuddles. And the softest bed.”

“He has, that,” James muttered.

Lily’s eyebrows went up. “I do not want to know what you lot get up to.”

“No,” Peter said. “You really don’t.”

There was a few moments of quiet, then James let out a very undignified snort, and Remus looked over to see Sirius making a very obscene gesture into his mirror. Peter and Lily looked over, but the pair had stuffed them away, and James was attempting to hide his laughter in his butterbeer whilst Sirius was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“I swear I’m losing brain cells sitting with you lot,” Lily complained.

“Nah,” Sirius said. “We’ve got top marks in our year. You should know.”

“Unfortunately,” Lily moaned.

“You know we’re really not all that bad, Evans,” James said after a second.

“When you’re not hexing unsuspecting students and tormenting Snape.”

James went a bit pink round the ears. “He deserved it.”

“Not always,” Lily ground out.

There was a pause before James said, “True. Not always.” His hand went up to his hair and he ruffled it.

“You look ridiculous when you do that,” Lily commented. “Honestly what is wrong with your hair?”

Sirius leant forward and grinned. James looked at him and shook his head. “Don’t you sodding dare, Sirius.”

“Lily, did you know Jamie here is loaded?”

Lily’s eyebrows went up. “Oh?”

“Millions, in fact.”

“Sirius shut the hell up.”

Sirius grinned, knife-sharp. “D’you want to know how?”

“I’m going to hex him,” James said.

“Sirius, please,” Remus began.

But Lily was having none of it. “What are you so embarrassed about, Potter?”

James clamped his mouth shut and made a weak, ‘go ahead’ motion with his hand. Sirius grinned. “Sleekeazy’s hair potion.”

Lily froze. “What. What?”

Sirius nodded. “His dad invented it. Made loads. Millions and millions of galleons.”

Lily stared between Sirius and James, then threw her head back and roared with laughter. “You’re not joking?”

James was flushing hard and he looked away. “Unfortunately not.”

“He’s…and you…” Lily took a breath. “God Potter, why in the world would you want to look like that?”

“Oh come off it,” Remus said, shaking his head. “His hair is gorgeous.”

“Only you would say that,” Sirius said, giving Remus a smaller but no less wet lick on his cheek. 

Lily shook her head. “You’re mad.” But she settled back in her chair, smiling a little at the three of them, and then helped herself to Peter’s butterbeer.

*** 

Remus’ birthday had just passed. And things were going well. Lily had taken to studying with the Marauders, getting on with Sirius best of all which surprised the lot of them. They hadn’t hexed a Slytherin in weeks, and twice now James saw Snape trying to talk to Lily, and her turning away, refusing to acknowledge him.

In fact, one of these episodes both Sirius and Remus had been there, and Sirius cackled when Snape tried to slink away. “Bad luck, Snivellus. Looks like all that fraternising with the Dark Lord gets you nothing. No one will ever give a shit about some greasy worm like you.”

Snape turned dark, angry eyes on Sirius, but said nothing as he marched away.

Remus sighed. “He’ll retaliate.”

“Fuck him,” Sirius said. “He can do what he wants. He tries silver again and I’ll murder him in his sleep.”

Remus took Sirius’ hand. “Let it go, Pads.”

Sirius turned his hand into Remus’ and twisted their fingers together. “I won’t let him get away with hurting people. I…I don’t care what I have to do. I’ve already lost Reg.”

Remus bowed his head, but said nothing.

The following week was the full moon, and the teens were now getting antsy and ready for it. Remus was exhausted, as he always was before it happened, and the evening of, he bade them farewell before he hurried off to meet Pomfrey.

“See you in a while?”

Sirius grinned. “Always.”

Then he was gone and Sirius let out a sigh. “I’m peckish. You want to nip down to the kitchens?”

James, who was working on his Transfigurations essay, shook his head. “No. But nick me a sandwich if the House Elves are keen.”

“Aren’t they always?” Sirius decided against the cloak, swaggering out of the portrait hall and heading in the direction of the fruit portrait.

He was very nearly there when he saw something round a corner, and stopping, he pulled out his wand and darted into the corridor. He was met with another wand pointed at him, and Snape’s yellowed sneer.

“Black.”

Sirius took a step back and crossed his arms. “Skulking about. Why am I not surprised.”

“Getting ready for a moonlight stroll.”

Sirius lifted his chin. “What would you know?”

“I know you’re hiding something. I know that you’d do anything to keep it a secret. I’ve got…ideas. You think the Dark Lord is depraved, well just wait and see what he has in store for your little friend. I, for one, can’t wait to be present for that one. I think I’ll take great pleasure in…participating when the beasts are put down.”

Something in Sirius snapped. A buzzing in his head. The corners of his vision went white and his mind was taken over by Regulus’ sneer as he cast Cruciatus over and over. Initiation, he was told. And he had loved it. Just as Snape would love torturing Remus.

And Sirius wouldn’t let that happen.

His insides were chaos. Pure chaos, but his smile was easy. “You know what, Snape. Why don’t you find out for your sodding self. Go prod the knobby bit on the Whomping Willow, just under the largest branch. Prod it with a stick and there’s a little passage there. Then you can sate your curiosity and leave us alone.”

“And what am I supposed to find?”

Sirius grinned, his teeth close to snapping. “Nothing at all, Snivelly. Nothing at all.”

Sirius returned to his dorm without the food, nearly an hour later, wearing a self-satisfied smirk.

“Where’s my sandwich?” James muttered as he prepared to finish up the last of his essay before they had to leave.

Sirius blinked, then shrugged. “Didn’t get it. Ran into Snivellus.”

James groaned. “Lovely. Did you get a detention?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nah. Better.”

Setting his quill down, James turned to his friend. “What did you do?” He knew that tone, the self-destructive, angry tone in Sirius’ voice, and his insides were quaking. “Padfoot…”

Sirius scoffed, waving a dismissive hand at James. “Maybe I told him how to freeze the Whomping Willow. He wants to threaten Moony, wants to make him feel weak. Like a beast. We’ll see how much he pisses his pants when he gets a glimpse of those fangs.”

But James was immediately on his feet, grabbing Sirius by the front of his robes. “You did what?”

Sirius shoved him off. “What’s the problem, Prongs? You know he deserves it!”

“And what if Moony gets to him? Fuck, Sirius, did you think…”

“So what if he does. So what! He’s already tried to kill him with silver. He’s already been poking over our shoulders every bloody month. He deserves it.”

“And Moony,” James hissed, his voice low. “What will they do to him when Moony bites a student? Or kills him? Merlin, how fucking stupid are you, Sirius?”

Sirius’ mouth was gaping, his face white and his hand shaking. “James I didn’t…”

“Stay here. Just…fucking stay here. I have to stop him.”

*** 

It could have been easy. Should have been. But the moon was out and Remus was transforming and James didn’t get to the willow in time. He was already in the passage. James broke into a run, wand out, but as James slipped through the entrance, he could hear the howling.

Snape turned to see him, and sneered, picking up his pace. 

“Snape, don’t!”

“Fuck off, Potter. I’ve had enough of your little games. You think you’re so clever. Think you’re so…” But his words were cut off when a snarl filled the tunnel and the teens both turned to see the werewolf staring with amber eyes.

James felt panic welling in his gut. If he transformed, it was over. He, Sirius, and Peter would be found out.

Snape was backing up, his wand pointed, and James grabbed him by the back of his collar. “Get out, now!”

Snape was scrambling, waving his hand, casting stunning spells, but the wolf was stalking forward. James was shoving at Snape who was making a mad dash for the entrance, but turning suddenly, Snape pointed his wand and cast a spell James had never heard before.

“Sectumsempra!”

There was a wild yelp, pain like James had never heard before, and so much blood. So much. Feeling sick, James shoved Snape through the entrance and without thinking, ran for Dumbledore’s office.

“He’s…hurt. He’s hurt. Snape. He saw. Got through the willow. Cast a…spell.” James was gasping for air. “He’s bleeding. So much blood, Professor.”

*** 

Remus nearly died that night. In his wounded state, Dumbledore was able to subdue the wolf enough to manage most of the gashes, and Remus remained nearly knocked out during the transformation. Moving back to human reopened all the wounds, and when James checked on him in the morning, Pomfrey said it was a close call. He’d be unconscious for a long time, and he’d need a lot of potions to heal.

But he’d live.

“He’ll live,” James said brokenly, holding himself up by the doorframe.

“He will, Mr Potter. But you need to give him some space.”

James nodded, wordlessly heading back up to the tower and found Sirius curled up on himself against his bed.

“Is he…”

“Snape used some spell I’ve never bloody seen before. Shredded him.” James ruffled his hair and felt his stomach twisting. “He didn’t have a choice.”

Sirius said nothing, his eyes glazed.

“Part of me wants to punch you in the fucking face, Sirius. But I don’t think that’s going to solve anything. Nothing I can do is worse than what you’re doing to yourself.” He sat down on the bed. “I…just. Why?”

Sirius’ jaw worked, but it took several minutes for him to speak. “I was angry.”

“So?”

Sirius licked his lips. “He…he said the Dark Lord would let him participate in…in torturing and killing Moony. And…he looked pleased.” Sirius gulped, his face a bit green. “He looked fucking pleased, James. Like it would be his greatest moment. And I…didn’t think.”

James ran his hands into his hair, holding them there as he bowed forward. “I don’t know if he’s going to forgive you for this.”

Sirius blinked, then let out a small sob, though he didn’t cry. “I’m fucked up, Prongs. What did you lot expect?”

James let out a slow breath. “Maybe that you love us as much as we love you.”

*** 

Remus didn’t forgive Sirius right away. He was quiet, hurt, out of class for the better part of a week whilst Pomfrey healed the curse Snape had used. Snape had detentions for a month, Sirius as well. James served a few, but was rewarded for saving Snape’s life, and Snape was never more furious for that.

When Remus did return, he was quiet. He didn’t look at his friends, though several nights Sirius woke alone in his own bed to see Remus there with James curled up, awake, but not saying anything. No one knew what it would take. James had explained it all and Remus said he understood why Sirius was reckless, but he never expected it to hurt so much.

Sirius snapped one night, two weeks before term ended. Remus was gone, and using the map, Sirius found him in the prefect’s bathroom, curled up in a chair near the fire with a book on his lap.

Remus’ gaze snapped up, fixing on Sirius. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius blurted, running his hands into his hair. He gave a pained, slightly mad laugh. “You know I don’t even know if I said it. To you, I mean. I mean I don’t even…fuck. Moony I wasn’t thinking.”

Remus’ gaze was cold, but he wasn’t shutting Sirius out. But oh, he was angry. “You said it.”

“Oh.” Sirius deflated for a second because there was a tiny part of him that thought maybe he just hadn’t said it aloud and that’s all Remus would need. Foolish. It was so foolish. “I…can we…”

“No.” Remus closed the book with a heavy snap and set it on the arm of the chair. He twisted his legs round and leant over them. “I will forgive a lot of things, Sirius. Too damned many. I’ve been party to hexing nearly as many Slytherins as you have. But I can’t just…” Remus waved his hand between the two of them. “Snape had to nearly kill me so I wouldn’t kill him and maybe you’ve forgotten what I really am, but I haven’t.”

Sirius felt his knees wobble a bit and he clenched his hands. “What you are?”

“A beast. Half-breed. Monster.” Remus spat the words out that Snape had used just before Sirius snapped. “Killer.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Remus said, and he rose. “Sometimes I wonder if maybe the witches and wizards who want people like me put down are right. Because I am dangerous. And it’s all well and good for you to forget it when we go banging round the grounds once a full fucking moon, Sirius, but I still have to live with what I am. Every day. Every sodding day. I don’t have the option of being anything else than this.”

“You’re not…”

“But I am. And you know it,” Remus hissed. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have sent him there. Because I know what your intentions were, Sirius.”

“He deserved it!” Sirius bellowed. “He wanted to believe you were a monster…”

“And you proved him right,” Remus hissed. He rose from the chair and levelled a violent glare at Sirius. “You sent him to the monster.”

Sirius’ eyes were wet, he could barely see Remus. “I love you.”

“I know you do. Merlin do I know how much you and James love me,” Remus said with a bitter laugh. His voice took an icy turn and something in Sirius started to give way. His vision went white again, and he heard somewhere in the distance his mother shouting at him about what a pathetic waste of a son he was. “You love me so much you’d make me a killer in order to protect me.” Remus threw his hand up.

There was a wand in his hand. Raised at him. Sirius took a step back, shaking his head. Remus’ face was contorted, flickering in and out of the shadows. 

“Please don’t. Please don’t, Reg…”

He raised it and Sirius heard the curse hissed across masked lips as it ghosted out, “Crucio!”

Sirius flew back, his head hitting the tiled floors, and everything went dark.

*** 

James was in the bathroom mere minutes after Sirius had come in, just in time to see Sirius throw himself back and crack his head on the tile. Remus, who had been pointing his finger at Sirius during the row, was staring pale-faced and confused.

“What happened?”

Remus took a hesitant step forward. “I…he confronted me. Then he…” Remus shook his head, something breaking and he rushed forward, falling to his knees. He put his wrist against Sirius’ head. “He’s cold.”

“Shock,” James said after a second. “Summon some towels or something, would you?”

Remus jumped up, finding his wand, and had several towels zooming over to James who wrapped them round Sirius. “What was that?”

“Dunno,” James breathed. He shifted Sirius’ head onto his lap and felt for his pulse. It was weak, but steady, thrumming like a bird against his fingers.

Remus put his palm to Sirius’ face. “He called me Reg. Right before he…” Remus gestured to the floor.

James’ face twisted up. “Fuck. Fucking…that fucking…” It seemed he was capable of nothing more than violent swearing for several minutes. “I think he got sucked back to that night. At his, before he ran away.”

Remus paled further. “Merlin. I didn’t…he was just…” He took a breath. “I shouldn’t have shouted at him.

“Yes, you should have. He deserved it. He fucking deserved it,” James spat. “We’ve all got our demons, Moony, and he can’t let his control him like that. He can’t hurt you.”

Remus shook his head. “I keep telling myself I shouldn’t forgive him.”

“But you do.” James shot him a wry smile.

“If it had been anyone else, I’d be begging for their expulsion. I’d be hexing them stupid. I don’t…know. But I certainly wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” He was quiet a second. “Loving him hurts.”

“I know,” James said quietly.

Remus used his wand and cast a warming charm over the towels, then took Sirius’ hand in his and they waited. “We need to get him back up to the tower. Dumbledore’ll have my badge for this if we get caught.”

James laughed. “After everything we’ve done?”

They sat until Sirius began to stir, then grey eyes opened and he groaned. “What happened?”

“Cracked your head,” James said. “Can you stand up?”

He was wobbly at first, but managed to rise to his feet and James checked him over for any real damage to his head. The shock was wearing off, and he started trembling a little, not daring a look over at Remus who was gathering his things.

Subdued, they headed back to the tower, keeping the map at hand but no one was anywhere near by. They slipped through the portrait and into their dorm where Frank and Peter were still sound asleep. Remus went straight to his own bed, pulling back the curtains, then looked at the two teens.

“In or out?”

Sirius’ face tensed and he looked over at James who nodded at him. “Get in the sodding bed, Padfoot. You’re not sleeping alone tonight.”

“And you?” Remus asked when James took a step toward his own bed.

“I think I’ll take the space. M’a growing boy, you know.”

“You’re a growing idiot,” Remus said, but didn’t argue when James climbed beneath his own covers. He waited, Sirius still standing in the middle of the floor with wide eyes. “Sirius,” he said impatiently.

Sirius blinked. “You…are you…”

“Get in the fucking bed.” 

Sirius, as though propelled by magic, slid into the covers and Remus leant over him, closing the curtains. Settling back, there was space between them, but only for as long as it took Remus to pull Sirius close.

“Moony I…”

“I know.”

“How long will you be cross with me?”

Remus buried his face in Sirius’ shoulder. “A while. Should be longer.” He took a long breath, then reached out and found Sirius’ hand, holding it tight. “M’not going to let anyone hurt you. Not even me. But use your fucking brain, Sirius. Love us as much as we love you.”

Sirius’ voice was choked, pained, and he let out a shaking sigh. “M’trying. I swear I am.”

Remus breathed into him. “I know.”

 

*** 

Two weeks before term ended, and things were better. Not back to normal. Remus was jumpy and the transformations after that were dodgy at best, but they were getting there. Sometimes they slept alone, sometimes just two. Often all three. Evans was becoming more friendly, and James had relaxed around her enough to where they had something that might be called friendship.

Then the owl arrived over breakfast, dropping a rather official letter in Sirius’ lap. He opened it carefully, knowing what kind of curses his family was capable of sending, but after several moments he dropped it, eyes going glassy and confused.

“Pads?” James asked, reaching for the letter.

Sirius startled, then moved it away from his friend. “My uncle died.”

James quirked an eyebrow. “Your uncle.”

“Alphard. Decent bloke, cursed off the tapestry as well, round the same time as Andromeda was.” Sirius scrubbed his hand over his face. “He’s named me heir.”

There was a collective silence round the four of them. “What does that mean?” Remus asked.

“Not poor anymore.”

“Oh thank Merlin,” Remus drawled.

Sirius tried to smile, but failed. “So. There’s that.” He sat back and shoved the letter into his pocket. “Fuck you mum.” He glanced over at the Slytherin table where he saw the sharp eyes of his brother watching. Sirius gave him a wicked smile before turning his gaze away.

“So what now?”

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe I’ll get a flat. Maybe in muggle London. We can spend the summer hols there.”

James nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “Not in great shape to know what I want right now, mate. But…it’s a nice idea, innit?”

Just then, a redhead plonked down next to Sirius, across from James, and helped herself to toast. “Morning lads.”

“Evans,” James said, smiling at her.

“If I got a flat in Muggle London, would you come and hang out with us?” Sirius asked.

Lily’s eyes went wide. “Who, me?”

“Could be fun,” Sirius prodded. “We’ll get up to all sorts of rubbish. You and Remus can boss us round since you two know what it’s like to be proper muggle.”

Lily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “I might. Owl me, yeah?”

Remus and Sirius didn’t miss James’ brilliant smile before he hid it in his goblet of pumpkin juice.

So yes, things weren’t all the way better. But they were getting there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, Summer Hols in Sirius' new flat, Sirius gets a motorbike, James and Lily get closer, and more confessions from our boys.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small trigger warning for this chapter- deals with grief in the loss of a parent, and it's all through the chapter so if that's something that bothers you, feel free to skip it and read the notes at the bottom.

“Well. This is it.” Sirius walked a small arc in the middle of the lounge, his arms flapping a bit uselessly at his sides. He glanced over at James once, then twice, trying to gauge his best friend’s reaction. “I mean…it’s not much. You know. It’s not…whatever.”

“It’s fucking brilliant, mate.” James was grinning, and something in Sirius’ chest gave way, and he felt like he could breathe again.

The flat was in Hampstead, smallish, near the muggle University, and it was all his. At least for the summer. He’d spotted the for let sign when he’d been banging round the city trying to go unnoticed and he just sort of…made a mad grab for it. He had been overly tempted to owl Remus and force him to aid the situation in converting his galleons to quid, and filling out all the paperwork. And honestly it had taken a bit of actual charms considering he didn’t really have any muggle paperwork of any sort, and he was too young by muggle standards to do any of this.

But he didn’t feel too bad about it. It was just a couple of months. The place was furnished, a threadbare sofa, scrubbed breakfast table, uncomfortable bed in the only bedroom, and a loo which was dodgy at best, but the shower worked and the water was hot most mornings.

“I want to decorate. Do something, like…I mean I’m not going to keep it.” Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, spinning in a circle again. “But I want it to feel like mine. For a bit.”

“Well mum and dad let me off on my own now that we’re allowed to use magic,” James said slowly. “Reckon Moony’s parents would let him for a few weeks. Maybe longer. We can go shopping, get whatever. Anything you buy we’ll just keep charmed in your trunk and when school’s over…”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, and his face broke out into the first real smile he’d had since he’d escaped his parents’. “We’ve got to celebrate. Come on, I’ve got Iggy in my bedroom, I’ll get a letter to Moons and Wormy, then we can go get take-away.”

“You’re really doing this the muggle way?” James asked.

Sirius laughed. “Mostly. Mostly I am. And it feels fucking good, Prongs. It really really does.”

*** 

They got pizza and beer, taking it back to the flat, and they sat round the electricity-powered things and had the telly on which fascinated Sirius for hours on end. It was nearly dusk when a tapping at the window alerted them to the owl, and Sirius heaved himself over James, wrenching it up.

“Oh good, it’s Moony.” Sirius gave a bit of pizza crust to Iggy as he thumbed the parchment open. “He says he can come tomorrow and stay for the week.” His face broke out into a massive grin. “Brilliant.”

“Nothing from Pete?” James wondered.

Sirius flopped back against the side of the sofa. “Ah you know he always takes ages and ages to reply. Probably trying to work out how to use a quill since he forgets everything over the hols.”

“You’re mean to him,” James complained, nudging Sirius with his knee. He shifted over and the two laid length-wise along the sofa, Sirius in the crook of James’ arm.

“You’re no better.” Sirius breathed long and slow. “I’ll invite Evans as well. We’ll have a proper party here.”

James flushed, and Sirius laughed at him, earning a slap upside his head. “Oy, enough of you. I’ve been really good round her lately.”

“Almost like you don’t fancy her at all,” Sirius said, smirking. “But I know your dirty secrets, Potter.”

“I hate you,” James muttered.

“Nah. You love me. So much you can hardly stand it.”

James wrapped his arm round Sirius harder. “I guess I do. Not that you make it easy though.”

Sirius huffed a laugh, his eyes drifting closed. “What kind of friend would I be if I made it easy?” There was a long silence, then, “D’you think I’ll be alright, here?”

James blinked down at his friend, then held him just a little tighter. “Course, Sirius. You’ll always be okay.”

*** 

Now allowed to Apparate, Remus arrived in the morning, popping into the corridor before knocking, then pushing the front door open. He dropped his pack near the door, and his eyes found a sleepy James sitting at the breakfast table with his hands curled round a tea mug.

“Morning.”

James turned his face up and smiled. “You’re here! Sirius’ showering but he’ll be excited. He wants to go shopping.”

“From the enthusiastic demands that I find him all things muggle and punk rock,” Remus said as he dropped into the chair near James, “I figured.”

James sipped his tea, then sat back. “Alright, Moony? How are er…things?”

Remus couldn’t meet James’ eye, and he shrugged. “I reckon it’ll be any day now. I… I almost didn’t come, you know. Because if she…” He took a breath. “She’s not really there anymore. She’s gone quiet. Raves at night if she wakes up, talks mad. Doesn’t know who I am. Dad thinks it would be better if I’m not there.” His voice was tight and cracked a bit at the end.

“Shit. Moons I…”

James was cut off when Sirius strolled into the lounge with just a towel round his waist. His eyes lit up when he saw Remus and he rushed over, grabbing Remus by the face and kissing him on the corner of his mouth. 

“You’re here!”

Remus’ cheeks flared a bit pink and he ducked his head. “Yeah. Just got in.”

Sirius spun in a circle, losing his towel in the process and he picked it up. Instead of putting it back on, he slung it over his shoulder and winked at both Remus and James. “What do you think?”

“About your gratuitous display of depravity and inappropriate?” Remus asked mildly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Oh please. My body is a treasure to behold. But I’m talking about the flat.”

With a small grin, Remus shook his head. “It’s the best thing I’ve seen so far this summer, Pads. It really is.”

Sirius brightened and straightened his shoulders. “You know I love you both, right? So much.” He rushed off to the bedroom to change as Remus laughed.

“He been like this since you got here?”

James’ mouth quirked. “He really wants us to like it.”

“Well I do.” Remus looked over at the lounge. “It’s fitting. It…it’ll be good for him, yeah? To feel like he’s not…not…”

James nodded as Remus struggled to find the words. “Yeah, mate. It will. I just want to make sure that between us we’re not, you know, leaving him alone.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Dunno that he’s even slept alone in his bed for the last six years,” Remus said with a grin.

James sat back, peering down at the closed bedroom door. “So er…you still. You know. Fancy him?”

Remus shrugged. “Reckon so. Lines are always blurred with you two, if I’m being honest. Right now though I think I’m a bit full with my mum and…and everything.”

James let out a sigh. “Well if you need to leave, we’ll understand. You should tell him, though. He’s better now.”

Remus let out a breath. “Yeah. Maybe tonight.”

Sirius appeared a few moments later, hair dried with a charm, chewing on a sugar quill. “I’ve sent Iggy off with a letter to Evans. I don’t think she lives far. If Pete gets back to us, we could have a very good weekend.” He dropped his hand on Remus’ shoulder and squeezed it. “Come on lads, let’s go out.

*** 

Sirius dragged them round London, and eventually they returned loaded up with a turntable that ran on electricity, a stack of vinyl, several posters to hang on the walls, some funky dishes they found in an antique shop, and after a short trip to the super market, enough food to feed nearly all of Hogwarts for a week.

It was by the grace of a shielded alley they were able to charm and shrink it all to pocket the lot as they hopped on the bus and got back to Sirius’ flat. When they arrived, James’ owl was waiting with post.

“Bugger. Mum and dad are asking me home.”

“No worries, mate,” Sirius said as he lounged on the sofa, staring at the telly. “Be back tomorrow though, yeah?”

“Definitely. You got the mirror? I’ll keep you posted.”

Sirius jutted his chin toward the bedroom. “By the bed. Moony, you’re staying, right?”

“Nowhere to be til the moon,” Remus said. He lowered himself to the floor near the end of the sofa where Sirius’ head was resting. He reached a hand up and felt Sirius take it. “You need someone to go with you?” he asked James.

“Nah. Just Apparate.” James came over, bending low to give Sirius and Remus both a kiss on their cheeks. “Remember to call for me if you need anything. Keep wards up. We’re in muggle London but there’ve been attacks.”

“We’ll be good boys, we promise,” Sirius said, batting his eye lashes. “I’m going to make Moony polish my toes and we’re going to watch Muggle vellytision…”

“Television,” Remus corrected absently, closing his eyes as Sirius played with his fingers.

“And get full and sick on all the shit food we bought. We’ll miss you though.”

James winked. “Course you will.” Then with a loud crack, he was gone.

Sirius let out a sigh and turned toward Remus, bringing his other hand to stroke along Remus’ tawny curls. “You want something to eat?”

Remus shook his head, letting the side of his face fall half against the sofa, half against Sirius’ shoulders. His insides were quaking, torn between comfort of being with the person he was mad for, and knowing somewhere across the country his mum was dying and he wasn’t there. And the guilt that came with knowing he was a little bit glad of being away because seeing her like that just hurt.

“Bored?”

Remus cracked one eye open and looked at Sirius. “Not really. Unless you are. Which could be dangerous.”

“Hmm. I think I’m alright for now.” Sirius grinned sharply and resumed stroking Remus’ hair. “Moons?”

“Yeah?”

“You alright?”

Remus licked his lips. “Er. I’m fine.”

“You’re a sodding liar is what you are. You get all twitchy about the eyes when you’re not. Is it the…I mean…are you uncomfortable without Prongs here? Because of Snape?”

Remus’ eyes snapped open and he sat up. “Sirius, no. When I said I forgave you, I did. Completely. I probably shouldn’t have, but I can’t help it when it comes to you and James.”

Sirius grinned, a bit of cheek to it. “Okay. So what is it, then? You’re still all funny round the eyes and you’re all stodgy and prefectly which is only okay at Hogwarts.”

Remus took a breath and then turned to face Sirius, holding away from the touching just until he said it. “My mum’s dying.”

Sirius went very still, his eyes blinking. “Are you…it…how? Since when?”

“Since last year,” Remus said, his tone going miserable and pained. “Something muggle. They tried all these medical treatments but they just don’t have anything that can fix what she’s got.” Remus ran his hand down his face. “Got bad a few weeks ago. I thought about staying but honestly seeing her like that…” His voice cracked again, and after a second he found himself pulled up to the sofa and wrapped in thin, tight arms.

“Moony,” Sirius breathed against his hair. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I…do you need to go? Or…”

“I don’t want to,” Remus said, feeling flayed open and raw as he was honest with both himself and Sirius. “I should. I should want to be there with her but she doesn’t even know who I am and it just hurts. I want…I need…” He pulled Sirius tighter.

“Well you’ve got me. You’ve got me. I’m all yours, okay?”

Remus fought back a small sob and nodded. So far he had not cried. Not over his mum, not over the prank, or the mounting fears of what life was going to be like outside of Hogwarts once he had to face the world as a registered werewolf. But now he was unable to hold it back. He clung to Sirius hard, the emotions boiling over, and his chest was aching with an almost violence to it.

Sirius didn’t say much, held him tight and rubbed his back, and Remus wondered behind his outburst how Sirius could just know what he needed. Just like that.

*** 

Hours later, Remus had fallen to sleep and Sirius was still holding him, watching the telly though not quite comprehending what was on. He heard a funny scratching sound and he extracted himself from the werewolf’s arms to stand up.

“Whazzit?” Remus asked, eyes still closed.

“I think it’s Iggy back with Evans’ reply. Go back to sleep, Moons, I’ll be right back.” Remus didn’t need telling twice as he buried his face in the cushion, breathed deep once, then was out again.

Sirius hurried to the bedroom to open the window, and sure enough, Iggy soared through, dropping the letter before heading to his cage where his seed and water waited for him. Plonking down on his bed, Sirius tore at the letter to read the short note.

Black,  
Mum and dad said it’s fine, but won’t let me come alone. Any chance you lot could come and fetch me? They’ve heard disturbing things about murders and I’m really not too keen to go on my own. Please don’t just send Potter if you go.   
Cheers,  
L. Evans

Sirius banged the letter down on his nightstand just as a little, “Hssst,” sounded from it. He blinked in surprise, then realised what it was. Grabbing the mirror, he flopped down against his pillow.

“Hallo, gorgeous,” Sirius said.

James, however, did not look as cheerful as Sirius. “Listen, I can’t come back tomorrow, but mum and dad want you and Moony to Apparate over in the morning. There’s…” James stopped, his brown eyes narrow and worried. “Dumbledore’s here.”

Sirius sat up. “What? Why?”

“Something he wants to talk about. With us. Can you?”

“Yeah. Just make sure wards are set so we can get in. Ask mum to make curry would you?” He bat his eyes at James who rolled his. 

“You’re so spoilt. But you know she will. I’ve got to go but…is everything alright there?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah well…Moony had a moment. Did you know? About his mum?”

James’ face twitched. “Yeah. Is she…has she…?”

“Died?” Sirius shook his head. “No I don’t think so. He hasn’t said. He cried though and fuck, James. He’s really hurt.”

James’ face fell. “Fuck. Look, maybe mum and dad will let me come back tonight after everything.”

“It’s fine mate, really. He’s asleep on the sofa right now and I’m shattered myself. We’ll see you in the morning.”

James hesitated before nodding. “Alright. But if anything comes up…”

“You know you’re first on my list. Love you,” Sirius said.

“Love you, Pads.” The mirror went dim, and Sirius set it back down.

Confused about what this all meant, he rose and headed back to the lounge where Remus was sitting, scrubbing the traces of tears from his face. He looked up at his friend with a sheepish grin.

“Lost it a bit there, didn’t I?”

“Mate, when your mum’s dying, it’s not called losing it.” Sirius flopped down, all limbs all over, and gave Remus a sideways look. “It’s just being sad and you know, what the fuck are me and Jamie here for if not for that.”

“Tormenting Slytherins, destroying my shining prefect reputation,” he said, counting on his fingers. “Irritating Evans, hexing Snape, going down as the most notorious pranksters at Hogwarts, using illegal magic…”

“Yeah alright,” Sirius said, unable to help his grin. “All that as well.”

It was obvious Remus was uncomfortable with his previous display of emotion, so Sirius let it go and instead went to the kitchen to fix them sandwiches. He forced Remus to follow him to the bedroom, and they flopped down on the duvet to eat. He quickly filled Remus in on what James wanted, then laid back on his pillow to look at his friend.

“Take your jumper off, you tosser. It’s June.”

Remus huffed, then pulled it over his head to reveal a white t-shirt which showed most of the scarring on his arms. Sirius knew a handful were from the curse Snape used when he’d gone to the Shack, and it sent his stomach twisting into an unpleasant knot.

“Moony?”

Remus looked up from his food. “Hmm?”

He stared at him for a second, then shook his head. “Nothing. M’just tired.”

“We can go to sleep soon. How early should we get to James’?”

“Not too early. Need my beauty rest, you know.” Sirius ran his fingers into his hair and grinned.

With a snort, Remus shook his head. “Sirius, you are literally too beautiful for words. All that ridiculous, aristocratic inbreeding. You do not need to look more gorgeous than you already do.”

Sirius’ heart did a funny jump in his chest. Which was a bit…new. He sat up a little and quirked an eyebrow. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

Remus flushed hard and shoved Sirius’ leg. “You bloody well know you are. Are you really trying to get compliments out of me for your looks?”

“It’s just…” Sirius picked at a loose thread on the duvet. “It doesn’t matter when other people say it. It’s different with you.”

Remus swallowed his bite, then put their plates on the desk and turned back round. “Different with me?”

“Just coz you know you’re…you. Moony. And you’re all nice to look at and you see me all the time. Thought you might have got used to me by now.”

Remus huffed, then shoved Sirius over before climbing under the duvet. Sirius joined him after a moment, and they wriggled out of their trousers so they lay there in pants and shirts, Sirius’ hand playing over a thick scar just above Remus’ wrist. 

“Sirius, you’re mad. You’re…you’re like an explosion no matter what you do. And I doubt anyone could ever get used to you. And I’d never want to.”

Sirius made a small noise, then turned and buried his face in Remus’ neck. “M’not going to stop being sorry for what I did. I just…I guess I can’t believe you’re here right now and we’re still…we’re okay.”

Remus huffed and ran his fingers into Sirius’ hair. “We’re very okay. And you can be stupid sometimes. Merlin can you be fucking stupid. But you’re okay too, Sirius.”

His heart ached because what they had was a small taste of what Remus craved, but he forced himself—especially right now—to just let it be enough.

*** 

Morning came, and with it an owl from Peter saying he was in France with his family but would come by in July. Remus and Sirius took a bit of toast and tea for breakfast, then Apparated onto the Potter’s front step before letting themselves in.

Mrs Potter was heading into the parlour when she saw the boys, and quickly beckoned them over. “Oh good. Right on time. Dumbledore’s already awake and we’re just waiting on you.”

Sirius froze. “What erm…what’s this about?”

Mrs Potter pulled Sirius in and kissed his cheek. “He’s got something to talk with you boys about. It’s alright, you can stop looking as though someone’s got a wand pointed at your delicate bits.”

Sirius blushed as he stepped away. “That was something I could have done without hearing.”

She laughed and gave his cheek a pat. “Come on then. And oh, Remus, how are you. You look like you’ve grown at least a foot.”

Remus grinned. “Just a bit, Mrs Potter. You look lovely today.”

“Ah you boys.” She shoved them along into the parlour where the bearded Albus Dumbledore sat with a cheerful smile.

“Ah, and the rest have arrived.”

James was already on the sofa, looking too upright and proper. His hair was even as tame as it could be considering, and his glasses were on straight, and he was wearing robes instead of muggle clothes.

Sirius looked down at his jeans, feeling a bit unsure. “Should we er…change?”

Albus frowned, then grinned again and shook his head. “Informal meeting, I assure you. Please have a seat.” As they do, he glanced over at Mr and Mrs Potter who then take their leave of the room, which sets all three teens on edge.

“Er,” Sirius said, shifting a little closer to Remus. “Headmaster, what’s this about, exactly?”

Albus looked at them all, slowly, one at a time before he spoke. “I think the three of you are, in some respects, more aware than others about the growing discord in our world. Mr Potter, your parents being purebloods but champions in your history for the rights of both muggles and muggleborns, have in some circles been labelled blood traitors.”

James gave a solemn nod. “Hasn’t affected me much but…”

“And Mr Black, I am aware of your present situation and the reasons for your defecting from your family. I am also,” he said very carefully, “aware of your brother’s choices.”

Sirius went pale. “Er. Right.”

“And Mr Lupin. Your condition is most unique as you are one of the first to become educated at Hogwarts. But it puts you in a precarious position to be made very aware of how certain brethren of yours might be proceeding.”

Remus’ face went hard. “They’re not brethren of mine.”

Albus’ face softened. “Of course not, my boy. Forgive me for using such a broad term. However the reason I’ve come here today is because I am also very aware that the three of you are exceptional students. Mischievous, of course. Perhaps not following the rules as often as a Headmaster should like it. But those talents have set you apart.”

The three blinked, glancing at each other, but no one dared say a word.

“Your Head of House informed me that you Mr Potter and you Mr Black have considered posts as Auror after Hogwarts.”

James licked his lips. “Something we thought maybe we’d be good at.”

“Indeed, indeed you would be. And I would like to encourage you in that direction. You’re of age and yet uncomfortably young for me to be asking this of you, but a resistance to the Dark Lord is growing, and I would like to hope…”

“Yes,” Sirius said in a rush. He blushed but didn’t break his gaze with Dumbledore. “I mean…well I mean yes, Professor.”

Dumbledore softened. “It won’t be easy. Wizards and Witches all over are losing their lives in this fight, but we need powerful people. Ones who aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in.”

They were silent a moment, then Remus cleared his throat. “Professor, I understand why you’d want James and Sirius but…why me?”

“Moony don’t be stupid,” Sirius began, but Dumbledore held up a hand for silence.

“Because you’re a werewolf, Mr Lupin?”

Remus nodded. “They won’t trust me. It’s not just the Dark Lord’s supporters who don’t like werewolves. I’m not human.”

“Remus,” James said, his voice tight with emotion.

“I’m not though, James,” Remus countered sharply. “I mean, not all the way. Not all the time. And wizards don’t trust me. They won’t. It’ll be a miracle I find a job at all, and I want to fight, I want to help, but I can’t imagine anyone wanting me there.”

There was tension in the room before Dumbledore spoke again. “You remind me why I’m happy with my decision to fight on your behalf, Mr Lupin. You see, the world we live in, even the seemingly kindest witches and wizards are subjected to terrible bigotry. The assumption that a Magical Creature is less human, therefore less worthy, is rampant amongst our kind. Others like you have been shunned, forced into unpleasant work just to get by, and when the Dark Lord reminded them of this, of how seemingly good magical folks have treated them, the choice for them was easy. But you, on the other hand, were accepted. Dearly loved by your peers and friends. People who fight for you on a daily basis to remind you that you are, in fact, worthy.”

The three teens sat a bit speechless, chests tight. “We won’t fight without him,” Sirius said eventually.

Dumbledore chuckled. “I would assume not. For now, rest easy. Finish your year, do well on your NEWTs. Enjoy this time to be young and careless. Experience love and all its painful edges. There’s going to come a time when we might forget that there’s hope on the other side, and it’s these memories we build that keep us together.”

He rose and the boys with him. They shook his hand and then the Potters returned, sending the teens into the kitchen for tea.

When it was clear he was gone, James hung his head. “He explained it all to me last night. He was…” He took a breath. “I’m scared.”

Sirius reached over and threaded his fingers with James. “Me too, a bit. But…I mean we’ll be together, right?”

James let out a breath and looked at Remus who was still very quiet and pale. “Yeah. No matter what.”

Remus blinked, then offered a watery smile. “He’s right. We shouldn’t be moping. Not yet.”

*** 

“Oh bloody hell this is far,” Sirius whinged for the twenty-seventh time.

“It’s an hour out of London and the bus got us most of the way there. You’re such a sodding child,” James complained as they turned up the high street.

“Why couldn’t we’ve just Apparated?”

Remus nudged Sirius with his elbow. “Listen you poncy piss-baby, you want to do all things muggle this summer, so we’re doing things muggle. Besides, it’s not a good idea to just pop into existence in the middle of an all-muggle neighbourhood. It’s alright for Lily’s parents to know but not the others.”

Sirius stuck his chin out. “Well all things muggle so long as it doesn’t require me walking my bloody feet off.”

“Christ, we’ve been on the road five whole minutes,” James muttered. “And look, that’s hers there.” He reached up to muss his hair, then stopped and his cheeks went a bit pink as he stuffed his hand back into his pocket.

Sirius snickered, head shaking, but he didn’t say anything as he tromped up to the door and pushed the buzzer.

A moment passed before the door opened, and a tall woman with black hair and a wide smile answered. “Yes?”

“Er. We’re here to see Lily,” Sirius said. He glanced back at James who seemed unable to come up any further. “I’m Sirius. Friend from school. That’s James and Remus.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh. Right yes, of course!” She took a step back and turned her head. “Lily, your friends are here.”

There was a pause, then Lily came down looking very pretty with her hair flowing round her shoulders, in high-waisted jeans and a button up top. She saw the lads and smiled. “Alright, boys?”

“You didn’t tell me your friends were all er…not girls.”

Sirius snickered. “We promise we’re a good sort, Mrs Evans. We’ll just be banging round London but we solemnly swear to take good care of her.”

Lily’s mum’s cheeks went a bit pink, but she nodded. “You’ll telephone, darling. If you need anything.”

Lily groaned. “Yes mum. Goodbye mum.” She wrenched the door from her mother’s hand, then hurried along the pavement. “Honestly, you couldn’t have got a single girl to take with you? Not even polyjuice yourselves into some?”

“Well you know Moony, always blows up cauldrons and it would take too long besides,” Sirius said. “Alright summer, though?”

Lily fell in step next to Remus, James just a few paces away, and she smiled. “Not bad. Are we really going to take the bus?”

“Better idea?”

“Come on, there’s a park round the corner. We can Apparate from there.”

Sirius grinned wildly. “Evans, have I ever told you I love you?”

That earned him a punch from James and a loud, protesting, “Oy!”

*** 

“Evans, you are brilliant,” Sirius said, grinning over the top of the nicked beer bottle. Two hours before, bemoaning the fact that they had food and a flat but nothing to celebrate with, Lily suggested they use a discrete Accio to “borrow” alcohol from unsuspecting neighbours’ open windows.

Several cleverly timed spells landed them plenty of beer and one nearly-full bottle of muggle whiskey which was now half-gone as was the night. They had take-away pizza, and although the spells had caused an electricity surge which blasted the telly to an unusable state, it didn’t really matter to them.

They were all pleasantly pissed, sitting round an old muggle board game called Operation which Lily had explained and—especially Sirius and James—found absolutely hilarious.

“Muggles don’t really do it like this, do they?” James asked as he attempted to remove the spare ribs. The game gave a loud Zssssst! and James flew back a bit.

Sirius snorted at him. “Prongs, mate, you’re actually losing.”

“Shut up,” James hissed, then looked back over at Remus who was on the sofa with Sirius, holding the polish bottle whilst Sirius finished up making his toenails a metallic silver.

“No James. I mean, alright, I suppose they do cut people open when necessary for surgeries, but not like this.”

“Seems barbaric,” James said.

“It’s not,” Lily said hotly, brushing her fringe out of her eyes. “It’s not barbaric.”

“I’m not…” James took a breath. “That’s not what I meant.”

Sirius flexed his legs out and admired his work. “I’m getting good at this. Don’t you think?”

James raised an eyebrow. “I like it.”

Sirius grinned. “Prongs, love, can you bring me another?” He waggled his now-empty bottle. “I would but I’m all wet and I don’t want to smudge them.”

James huffed, standing up and stretching his back. “Fine. Give us a kiss first.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but grabbed James’ t-shirt to pull him down and planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Honestly, so needy.”

“Right, I’m the needy one,” James argued. “Prongs, can you fetch me my dressing gown, it’s all the way over on the other chair. Prongs, can you fetch me my toast, it’s all the way on the table and I’m here sat on the sofa.”

Sirius shoved two fingers up as James sauntered into the kitchen.

Lily watched the exchange with a bemused look. “Are you lot shagging?”

Remus, who was taking a delicate sip of his whiskey, choked a bit. “Shagging?”

“I think it’s a fair question. You’re always handsy and you’re…you kiss each other. Are you lot all gay?”

“Tragically no,” James said as he slapped a fresh beer into Sirius’ hand. “Though Sirius does make it difficult.” He winked at Sirius who was stretched back and grinning.

“Well he’s speaking for himself. I’m very gay.” Setting his bottle down, he took the polish back from Remus and gave him a wicked look. “Shoes and socks off. I need more practise.”

“No,” Remus said.

“Come on. It’s not real silver,” he begged.

Remus went pink in the cheeks. “Sirius, do you mind.”

Sirius glanced over and rolled his eyes. “Oh I bet she’s worked it out on her own. She’s clever enough.”

Lily worried her bottom lip, then said, “You mean about the werewolf thing?”

Remus choked again, giving a small squeak. “Merlin, does everyone know?”

“Nah,” Sirius said, reaching forward and capturing Remus’ ankle between his hands. He shoved his trouser leg up and began to unlace his trainers. “Just the smart ones.”

“And you?” Remus challenged.

“Unkind. Cruel and unkind. Why do I love you?” He removed Remus’ sock, then gave his toes a quick massage before positioning Remus’ foot on his thigh and pulling the brush out of the polish bottle.

“It’s because we’re the only ones who want to put up with you,” James said as he went for the broken heart on the game board. “Bugger fuck!” It buzzed at him again, and he tossed the pincers down. “This game hates me.”

“You’re just clumsy outside the Quidditch pitch, mate,” Sirius said, his tongue sticking out from between his teeth as he concentrated on making Remus’ toes look nice. When he was finished with both feet, he propped Remus’ legs up length-wise on the sofa. “Don’t smudge them. I’m going out for a fag.”

Leaning down, he pressed a lingering kiss to Remus’ mouth, then ruffled his hair before walking to the window which led to James’ charmed and very small terrace. They’d hung the invisibility cloak, and James had worked out a spell to turn the thin, iron railing into something like a comfortable sofa.

Propping himself up, he pulled out a fag and lit the tip. A second later, another body wriggled out, and Lily looked round, impressed. “Got a spare?”

Sirius handed one over, then with the tip of his finger whispered, “Incendio,” and it flared to life.

Lily gave an impressed laugh and shook her head. “Part of me wonders what I’ve been missing hating you lads all this time. And part of me,” she glanced back at James who was now trying to charm the game board, “is glad I kept my distance.”

“Well you’re stuck with us now, love. You know that, right?”

“That smells dreadful,” Remus whinged. “Close the window, Pads.”

Sirius huffed, but leant over and shut it with a slam, hoping to convey his irritation over being bossed about. “Never happy, that one.”

Lily looked at him sideways, then smiled. “Does he know?”

Sirius lifted his brow. “Sorry? Does who know what?”

“Remus. Does he know you’re in love with him?”

Sirius, who had just taken a massive lungful of smoke, coughed, spewing it out of his mouth and nose. “Warn a bloke before you say something like that, Evans! Christ!” He pounded on his chest a second, grimacing. “And what in Merlin’s name makes you think I’m in love with him.”

“Well, I’ve seen you two together all day. You’re besotted.”

“I…” Sirius turned pink. “We’re always like that. All three of us.”

Lily nodded. “Yes. I mean, I see all the kissing and touching but…” She glanced back at Remus who was now absorbed in a novel, his feet still propped up. “But you don’t look at James the way you look at him. You…you look at James like you would tear the world to pieces just on his word. Like you would literally do anything for him. But Remus you…” She licked her lips, then took a drag and blew the smoke out. “With Remus you look at him like you want to protect him from it when you do tear the world down.”

Sirius felt something constricting in his chest. Something he’d been feeling for…well he wasn’t sure how long and he just never had the name for it before now. And damn Evans. “Damn you,” he whispered.

“So he doesn’t know.”

Sirius gulped. “It never came up. He got upset when he found out I was bent. Not…I mean not because I was, I don’t think. Or he didn’t say. He was upset I’d kept it a secret. But I don’t…” Sirius ran his fingers into his hair, then dropped his hand before Lily took it. “Don’t say anything. He’s got a lot going on right now.”

“Wouldn’t anyway,” Lily said. She glanced back through the window where she saw James now sat on the floor near Remus’ shoulder. Remus had one hand in James’ hair, the other propping the book up, and he was reading aloud. “James still fancies me, doesn’t he?”

Sirius laughed. “Yeah. He’s irrevocably in love with you. Since third year, I think.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “He was such a prat.”

“He’s still a prat, Evans. But he’s also one of the best people you will ever know. Ever.” Sirius’ voice took on something hard and fierce. “There aren’t many people worthy of his love, but even the ones who aren’t, he loves them anyway.”

There was a long pause before Lily stood up and moved toward the window. She paused though, looking back at Sirius. “You are though. Worthy of it. From him and Remus. And for what it’s worth, I think Remus loves you back, so when you tell him, it’ll probably end well.” 

She left Sirius sat outside on his own, wrapped up in emotions he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to handle.

*** 

With the sun came consciousness, and Sirius found himself wrapped round Remus in his bed. It wasn’t unusual. It would have been him or James, but Lily had gone and said something, and now all Sirius could think about was, what if there were more? More hands, more skin, lips to lips. But to redefine something so important to him sent waves of anxiety coursing through his body.

Remus shifted, sensing the tension, and he reached out, pulling Sirius closer. “Time’s it?”

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno.”

Burying his face in Sirius’ neck, Remus huffed a breath. “S’prongs here?”

Sirius shook his head, letting his arm come round Remus in spite of the squirmy feeling he was getting. “Think he slept out on the sofa.”

Remus poked his head up. “With Evans?”

Sirius couldn’t help his grin at the flash in those amber eyes. “Reckon so. Think they shagged?”

“Nah.” Remus flopped his head back down, but his hold on Sirius didn’t get any lighter. “Not here. We could go see though.”

Sirius wanted to lie in bed with Remus all day and just feel him there, to ignore the lingering doubts and what-ifs. However he was Sirius Black and his curiosity eclipsed nearly every other emotion in him. They grabbed at dressing gowns and attempted to make their feet quiet on the floor as they crept into the lounge.

“You two are the worst sneaks ever,” Lily said. The couch had been charmed into a bed-like state, and she and James were cuddling, her hand handing lazily from his, his face pressed against her shoulder.

Sirius’ eyes went up. “Did you two…”

“Perverts, the lot of you,” James said in a sleep-thick voice. “And no. We did not. But I think she might actually like me.”

Lily’s cheeks blushed just a little and she couldn’t seem to help her smile. “Maybe just a little bit.”

Sirius felt a rush of something in his gut. A mixture of excitement and pride and fear because this could mean change. For all of them. Because they weren’t young boys anymore just trying to find bare-bones comfort with each other to make the pain of life seem that much far away. They were crashing head-long into adulthood which came with it war and bloodshed and heartbreak.

He’d seen it enough.

And yet they looked content, and he felt Remus’ hand close round his wrist and pull him in. “Let’s make the lovebirds breakfast, yeah? We’ve got enough supplies.”

Sirius nodded, shoving the morose and melancholy somewhere deep in his belly. “Coffee or tea, you two?”

“Tea,” they echoed.

“Gross. You’re both gross and disgusting already. I’m going to be dead by the end of the year from how disgusting you two are,” Sirius moaned.

“Shut it,” James hissed, and snuggled deeper into Lily’s arm.

Sirius grabbed Remus by the sleeve of his dressing gown and yanked him into the kitchen. “He’s going to be insufferable now.”

Remus snorted as he put the kettle on the burner and lit it. “What, like he wasn’t before? You don’t think it’ll be nicer not having him moan about Evans not wanting to go out with him?”

Sirius shrugged. “Might be easier if I could hate her.”

Remus smirked. “I told you she was nice.”

Sirius bumped him with his hip. “Oh yes, King Remus in all his wise ways. You should be a seer, Moony. With all your insights.”

Remus rolled his eyes and smacked Sirius upside the head. “Don’t be a git. Be happy for them.”

Sirius banged the frying pan onto the burner and started it up for the sausages. Remus began to mind the eggs, and had toast going with a flick of his wand. They fell into a rhythm, a funny step which worked only because it was Sirius and Remus, and only James could have entered into it and not caused a stir.

But Sirius realised halfway through tipping sausages onto a serving plate, that it worked with just the two of them as well. And this was his flat, which he was only keeping for the summer but after Hogwarts he’d get another. And maybe he wouldn’t have to be in it alone. Because maybe…

“Moony?” Sirius asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet, “I was wondering…”

“Oy! Pads!” James’ voice interrupted. “There’s an owl at your window. Might be Pete’s.”

Sirius walked out, Remus close at his heels, and he peered at the brown bird. “Nah that’s not his. That’s…”

His voice stopped when Remus gave a sharp intake of breath. “That’s mine. My…that’s my…”

Sirius turned sharply to see Remus pale and shaking. “Oh. Oh shit.”

James seemed to get it to, because he scrambled out of Lily’s arms, wrenching the window open for the bird who flew in and dropped the letter before flying directly out.

“What is it?” Lily asked.

No one could speak a word as Remus crossed the floor. With trembling fingers, he picked up the letter but didn’t open it. It was very small, just a scrap of parchment really, folded haphazardly. He turned wild eyes to both James and Sirius.

“I er…”

“Let me,” James said, and carefully took it from his friend. He unfolded it, and his eyes went wide, then narrow and sad. “Oh.”

“She’s…isn’t she?” Remus asked, his voice strained against his throat.

“Er. Last…er…last night,” James said.

Sirius was immediately at Remus’ side, holding him tight by the waist. For a second Remus tensed, like he wanted to push him away, but instead he folded into Sirius’ chest. He didn’t cry. His body felt frozen, unable to move, to react. But he was being held and that anchored him.

“What else does it say?”

“That er…you should just stay where you’re at until next week for the er…” He looked at Lily then remembered the night before. “For the moon. And after they’ll have the…” His voice dropped. “The funeral.”

“Right. Yeah. Okay.” He took in a breath, then gave Sirius a small push. “Mind if I just have a short lie down? Feeling a bit…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

Sirius wanted to stop him, but didn’t as Remus walked back down to the bedroom, and the door closed with a soft click. Turning round, Sirius flicked his wand at the food which began to deposit itself onto plates and serve itself to the kitchen table.

“What’s happened?” Lily asked, her voice very quiet.

James cleared his throat, turning his dark brown eyes back to her. “Remus’ mother died last night.”

Lily’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh. Oh Merlin.”

“She’s been ill for a while,” Sirius filled in. “But…”

“I should go,” Lily said. She looked round for her shoes, and stopped only when James touched her arm. “No,” she said, and grabbed his hand. “It’s alright. This is…you know this is one of those moment he’s going to need you two. Just owl me.”

She didn’t protest or hex him when James pulled her in and kissed her. It was light, comfortable, and her eyes fluttered closed. “I promise I’ll keep you up to date. And I’ll see you soon,” he promised in an almost hard tone.

Lily smiled, then reached out and yanked Sirius into a hug, kissing his temple. “I see what you mean now about not saying anything,” she whispered in his ear. “Take care of him, okay?”

Sirius gave her a wobbly smile. “Later, Evans.”

She Apparated from the lounge, leaving Sirius and James stood there wondering how they were going to get their best friend through this. They’d dealt with a lot, but none of them had lost a parent. Not to a death, and both of them felt in over their heads.

*** 

Preparing for the worst, Sirius and James were thrown when Remus eventually emerged red round the eyes and subdued, but not in hysterics. When he realised they were staring at him, waiting for some type of explosion, he let out a small laugh and went to the kettle, giving it a sharp tap with his wand to heat it.

“I’m okay.”

Sirius, who was bouncing from one foot to the other, took a breath. “Well you know, you don’t have to be, Moons. You can…you know. Not be.”

“Eloquent,” Remus said dryly. He fetched a mug and the tea, and served himself. “It’s…I’m.” He took a breath and lowered himself to a chair whilst James and Sirius stood back a few paces. “It hurts. It’ll probably feel worse during the funeral. But I knew this was coming.”

“We know,” James said, and walked over carefully, dropping a hand to Remus’ shoulder. “But you’re allowed to be sad.”

Remus looked up at them with a frown. “Well I am sad. I’m really sodding sad. I love my mum and…” His voice went tight, but he shook his head and cleared it. “I’m not going to fall apart. Right now I think I’d just like some tea and…” he glanced over at the lounge. “Any chance you were able to fix the telly?”

Sirius jumped up. “No, but I’ll go out and get another. I’ve got muggle galleons or whatever. I can bang round the neighbourhood until I find something.”

“Sirius I…” But he was gone with a loud crack, leaving Remus sitting at the table, mouth full of small sighs. “He’s mad.”

“He just doesn’t know how to help,” James said. He eased himself down into the chair next to Remus. “And he’s Sirius so he’s…going to do mad things.”

Remus shook his head again, but he had a small smile. After another sip of tea, he looked at James. “So you and Evans. Finally.”

James’ eyebrows lifted. “That’s what you want to talk about right now?”

“Don’t want to talk about my mum. Or my dad. Or being sad so…yes. Please.”

A few emotions flickered over James’ face, then he shrugged. A grin spread out over his face, one he’d been keeping in since the owl arrived bearing the bad news, and he was able to show it now without crushing guilt. “She snogged me.”

Remus barked a small laugh. “I guess I’m not surprised because she’s Evans and she sort of…does mad things like that. Gryffindor and all that. Was it nice though? I mean, the expectations after pining away all these years.”

James let out a tiny sigh, his mouth flitting into the most gentle smile Remus had ever seen him wear. “It was better. You know I worried for a long time. Like what if she finally gave in and we got together and then there was nothing there. Or it was bad. Or…I dunno, about a thousand different terrible scenarios. But it wasn’t any of those things. It was the best.”

Remus couldn’t help James’ infectious mood, and by the time Sirius got back, hauling the ridiculously cumbersome telly through the door, he was chuckling at James’ recount of how he and Lily had finally made it work.

The teens were on their feet, and James rushed over to help Sirius bang the thing down in front of the old, broken one. “There,” Sirius said, wiping sweat from his brow.

“You didn’t steal this, did you?” Remus asked cautiously.

Sirius walked over and gave Remus’ cheek a small pat. “No my beautiful space satellite. I did not. I have committed very few crimes today.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but grinned as he turned away and went over to put the plug in. They adjusted it, and tried everything out until they settled on some show full of actors with American accents. They weren’t really paying attention as they sprawled out on the charmed sofa, merely taking comfort in the moment, in each other, in these quiet spaces where things didn’t have to hurt so much.

It would get worse before it got better. It was something Remus’ mother used to say, and for the first time in his life, Remus understood exactly what those words meant.

*** 

July came quickly, and Remus was mostly recovered from the funeral. He spent June’s moon in his shed with Padfoot and Prongs nearby. They left before his father found him, but returned later that morning to make sure he was healed and resting.

They stayed on for the funeral, and when it was over, Remus returned with Sirius to the London flat. Lyall Lupin was really in no condition to be minding his teenaged son, and Remus knew when to step back. So he did.

Sirius, of course, was pleased to have James and Remus there, and several times a week Lily would pop over. James, to Sirius’ great dramatic declarations, had abandoned them for dates, so Remus cheered him by taking him to the muggle cinemas and replenishing his wardrobe with more tattered jeans and band t-shirts.

Things began to settle.

In mid July, Peter returned and they invited several of Lily’s friends, including Marlene, Dorcas, Frank and Alice—who were a thing by then—and they had a proper party where everyone ended up pissed and rowdy, but wands had been stored away so as not to disturb the muggles, and the night ended with Lily and James on the sofa, Pete on the floor nearby, and Remus and Sirius back in the bed laughing as they attempted to climb out of their clothes and beneath the duvet.

“M’too pissed for jeans,” Sirius whinged, flopping over with them stuck round his knees.

Remus rolled his eyes and gave them a careful tug. They caught on his knobby knees, but eventually gave way and landed in a heap on the floor. “There, you sodding piss-baby. Now come to bed.”

“Words hurt, Moony,” Sirius said as he threw himself beneath the duvet. “You’re so cruel to me.”

Remus snorted his laughter, pulling Sirius closer. “I only tell the truth, Pads. It’s out of love, you know.”

Sirius nuzzled Remus’ face, giving him a tiny lick. “I reckon I do.”

Remus scrubbed at the wet spot. “Bloody puppy.” But he was grinning, and his hand reached out, running through Sirius’ hair. “I always knew you’d end up a bloody great dog, what with your licking and demands for all these pets.”

Sirius hummed his pleasure, nuzzling his face closer. “You love it.” He turned on his side, pulling away from Remus’ hand, and reached out, drawing his fingers down one particularly large scar over Remus’ cheek. “Lovely. So damn lovely. You know that?”

“Sirius…” Remus’ voice was choked a bit. “I’m not…”

“Oh don’t you dare. Don’t you sodding dare, you ruddy wolf. You’re…” Sirius shook his head. “M’too pissed I know I shouldn’t…” He took in a shaking breath. “Fuck, Re. I look at you and go all soggy about the knees and it’s so not fair.”

Remus blinked, feeling a strange warmth at that old nickname they’d used before their animal forms had taken over. Sirius was looking at him, deep and intense, those grey eyes piercing like they could see straight through him. His head was fuzzy from the whiskey and his tongue heavy. He wanted to say something, anything.

“Lily’s the one who found me out. Didn’t even really think about it myself, except that there were days when I just wanted to…” He stopped, drawing his finger in a line under Remus’ lip. “It’s just you have this way about your mouth and…fuck.” He stopped, starting to pull away, but Remus—unable to help himself—reached out and curled his fingers round Sirius’ wrist.

“What are you trying to say. Use your grown-up words, Pads.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Even when you’re lecturing me I just want to pin you down and snog those silly words right out of your vocabulary. Then I think no, Sirius. Don’t do that. Because he’s your friend and if anything goes wrong it’ll just…”

But Remus wasn’t hearing him after that because something snapped and he was pulling Sirius in. And their lips met and crushed hard together. Sirius’ breath hitched at the contact, his fingers spasming a little until suddenly they found purchase in a tattered old t-shirt clinging to Remus’ chest. And he yanked Remus tight and hard against him as their lips parted.

It was nothing like he’d experienced. Not with Gideon, not with James, and it was better than he’d ever imagined. Remus’ breath was whiskey-soured and hot, but it was the best thing Sirius had ever experienced.

Remus was shaking, his entire body quaking because this was years and years of fantasy and desperation coming to life and it was almost too much. There was a tightness in his chest as Sirius held him firm, and a hesitant tongue darted out to explore Remus’ mouth.

They parted after a little bit, both breathing hard and pointedly ignoring the growing stiffness between their legs.

“I…was that…?” Remus sounded so insecure that Sirius felt his chest hitch again.

“That was good. That was…Merlin’s saggy balls, Remus.”

“You’re not going to wake up tomorrow sober and regret it?”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “You think…” He scrubbed his face. “Will you? I mean, I’m the bent one here. I’m the…”

“I’ve been pining for you since fourth year,” Remus blurted. “I didn’t…well I told James last summer. Begged him not to tell anyone because you were going through so much and I didn’t want you to…” Remus shrugged. “I dunno. I was scared, I think.”

Sirius trailed his fingers down Remus’ cheek, drawing them along his neck to curve round the back and hold him tight. “That long?” he whispered. He bowed his head and pressed it to Remus’ forehead. “You never…I mean, I didn’t…I couldn’t tell. I had no idea.”

Remus laughed a little. “Rather the point, Pads.”

“But why?”

Remus blushed. “Because you’re you. You’re bright and beautiful and…and you’re wonderful. And I’m me. You know. The soggy toast prefect who breaks the rules then feels bad about it. I’m the scarred up werewolf with old-man bones and a price on my head if half the ministry has their way.”

Sirius felt his eyes sting, and he shook his head hard. “No. Fucking hell, Moony. You’re so much more than that. Haven’t I…I mean, please tell me I’ve not made you feel less than you are.”

“No,” Remus said, hard and tight. “No. You’ve made me feel more. And sometimes I wonder if I deserve it at all. Stood there next to you and James and I’d think why me? Why do they love me?”

“You’re an idiot,” Sirius breathed.

Remus laughed. “Reckon so. But you were one first.”

Sirius growled, then dropped his face down for another, smaller kiss. “I want you. Not just…” he waved his hand toward Remus’ crotch, making the werewolf blush red. “Well that’s a lie, I want that. But I want…can we…”

Remus clutched at Sirius’ hand and nodded. “If you’ll have me. I mean, I’ve always been yours, you know. So nothing’s changed there.”

Sirius held him tight for the longest time, as the night waned. “School’s soon. You reckon we should say something?”

Remus, who was teetering on the edge of sleep, shrugged. “M’okay with whatever you are, Pads.” He nuzzled his face in and realised that he’d always had him. Sirius. “Just so long as I’ve got this.”

“Forever,” Sirius vowed, and kissed his forehead. “Coz I was always yours too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this wasn't too abrupt of a get-together scene for Wolfstar. The chapters will go up to explicit, but that won't start until the summer after seventh year. Next chapter is them slagging James a bit for getting Head Boy and their very last adventures as Hogwarts students. There will be some drama and issues of bigotry in the next chapter involving the Slytherins.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels a little all-over the place if I'm being honest. But my head canon was that their final year was uneventful for the most part, so I just tried to hit the bigger moments. This does have some Explicit-ish content though, and since the marauders are all of age the rating will stay up for the rest of the fic.

As Sirius stuffed nearly an entire piece of bacon into his mouth at once, James rolled his eyes and Sirius grinned round it. “Problem, Prongs?”

“Merlin, you…I mean honestly have you no manners at all?”

“Listen,” Sirius paused to chew a moment, “I was raised by a bunch of dark-magic loving, blood purists. What can you expect?”

There was thwap upside Sirius’ head as Mrs Potter came round the table. “I happen to know you were raised with some manners.” But she was smiling, and Sirius blushed, taking a drink out of the goblet.

They were sat at the Potters’ breakfast table having a late meal. Remus had gone back to his for the last week before school, and Peter as well. Sirius and James packed up the flat, and the Potters allowed him to store everything he’d bought for it at the manor.

“Oh look.” Fleamont nodded at the window as two owls swooped over. “Effie, would you darling?”

She rose and opened the latch, letting the birds drop the letters in front of the boys. Sirius grabbed his, but frowned when he realised James’ looked different. 

“Oy, what’s yours about, mate?”

James frowned, tearing it open, and a small, shiny badge reading HB dropped to the side of his plate. “Oh my god,” James said, looking panicked.

Sirius, on the other hand, looked like Christmas had come early. “No. No!”

“What is it, raaje?” Effie asked, leaning over.

“Oh no! Oh our Jamie did it!” Sirius was on his feet, a grin threatening to crack his face in half. “Oh just wait until Moony hears about this! Head boy! Prongs!”

“This has got to be a mistake,” James said, staring at the badge like it might explode. He turned accusing eyes to Sirius. “Is this a prank? Is this going to turn me blue or make my hair or eyebrows fall off or…”

But James’ mum had the letter and she was smiling, shaking her head. “You’ve been getting in less trouble, minding your studies,” she said. “You got Os on our OWLs and you’re doing well in your NEWT classes. Why shouldn’t you be Head Boy?”

“Oh this is too good, too brilliant.” Sirius plonked back down in his seat to scan the letter and his supply list. He was taking Auror-required NEWTs which meant his supply list was large, but it wouldn’t matter. With his uncle’s gold he would be well set. “Oh I can’t wait until start of term.”

James was red in the face, shaking his head. “This is mad. What’s Dumbledore playing at? I had like seventeen detentions last year.”

“Yeah but it’s a far cry from the…” Sirius’ brow furrowed. “Dunno how many we had before that, mate, but it was a lot. And most of those detentions were trying to stop me.” He spread his hands and grinned.

Mrs Potter gave him a slightly withering look, but shook her head and laughed. “He sees leadership potential in you, raaje. Now, finish up eating. We’ll go to Diagon Alley after you’re tidy.”

Sirius pushed his plate away. “I’m finished. Need to bang out a letter to Moony and Pete and see if they’re going to meet us at the platform.”

Sirius hurried up the stairs to his room where Iggy sat on his desk expectantly. He grabbed a quill and hastily scratched out a note to Remus letting him know the good news about James, and the consolation that Remus hadn’t made it—though he reckoned with his monthly absences it was better he wasn’t.

So far they hadn’t told James about their relationship, but Sirius was itching to do so. He knew James wouldn’t mind. James and Lily had been inseparable all summer, which was likely why they hadn’t noticed Remus and Sirius sneaking off for snogs any chance they could get.

Sirius quickly penned a second note to Pete, telling him the news, then sent the owl off, and grabbed his leather jacket before hurrying down the stairs. He paused at the last step, hearing James’ raised voice curving fast and rapid at his mum round Bengali. He sounded cross, and when she replied to him, she sounded cross as well.

His face heated up, not wanting to interrupt, but before he could turn back round, Mr Potter came out from the lounge with a small smile. “Oh just ignore them. You know James, always got his wand in a knot about something.”

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair and gave a slight laugh. “Yeah well…family rows. Not something I particularly enjoy.”

Fleamont put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder and squeezed it. “Son, it’s not something you have to worry about here. We don’t solve our problems at the end of the wand, or the start of a curse. Ever. Perk of being a Potter, even unofficially.”

Sirius felt something hot blooming in his chest, and he took a breath as James’ dad pulled him along to the lounge where James was rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up in the air. When Effie looked over and saw Sirius, her expression softened.

“All ready then?”

Sirius shuffled his feet as James’ dad moved away. “Er. Mostly. Everything alright?”

“Spiffing,” James said. “I need to grab my wand, I left it upstairs.”

“Shall I…come with?”

James shook his head. “Two seconds, mate. Everything’s fine, I promise.” He gave Sirius’ shoulder a squeeze before dashing out of the room.

With that, Effie took the opportunity to pull Sirius over. “Listen, Monty and I wanted to give something to you. Now James has and continues to refuse to give up your birthday…”

“Is that what all that rowing was about?” Sirius blurted.

She shrugged. “I understand you’re a private person, Sirius…”

“I’ve just never had great birthdays. We don’t… I’ve never really… celebrated.”

“Well as I’m sure you know, it’s tradition for a wizard to receive a watch for his seventeenth. A coming of age gift,” she said, her tone light. “And we know that your parents,” she spat the word, “wouldn’t be participating in that tradition this year so we’ve taken it upon ourselves as it’s become clear your birthday has passed.”

Sirius felt his throat tighten as Mr Potter reached into his pocket for a small box. His hands trembled a little as he took it, but he didn’t pull the top off. Clearing his throat he said, “It’s third of November. My birthday.”

“Oh it passed so long ago,” Effie fretted.

Fleamont put his hand on her shoulder. “Now’s as good a time as any. That watched belonged to my grandfather. James got his as well, from my father-in-law. I suppose we could have gotten you something new but…”

Sirius shook his head as he pried the top off. It was a very simple watch, muggle from the look of it. A small hand was ticking round the face, the frame and band gold. “No it’s…” He took a breath and chanced a smile. “This is great. It’s brilliant, in fact.”

Fleamont took it and carefully clasped it round Sirius’ wrist. “It’s charmed, so you won’t lose it. I know how you boys are with your Quidditch and…other activities. Keep the box in your trunk and if you ever get too far from it, it’ll pop back there.”

Sirius nodded, then turned as James walked into the room. “Granddad’s watch,” he said, eyeing the band.

Sirius’ face turned red. “I…I mean if you…”

“Don’t be an idiot,” James said, his voice thick with a fondness Sirius still wasn’t used to. “Come on, we need to head out, I don’t want to be banging round the alley all sodding day.”

Taking Sirius’ hand, he dragged him to the corner of the room and with a loud crack, Apparated away.

*** 

“I think this is where I have to leave you,” James said, glancing round at the students milling about. “I’ve got you know, train duties or whatever.”

“Ah, yes. Head Boy duties. Head Boy responsibilities,” Sirius drawled. “Was thinking about what I might get up to on the train but I wouldn’t want a detention.” He nuzzled up to James with a wide grin.

“Sod off.” James gave him a shove, but not too hard. “You seen Evans?”

“Didn’t she say she would be here?” Sirius and James had gotten a reply from Evans saying she’d been made Head Girl, which Sirius had a laugh over for several hours until James threatened to hex him. “Anyway where the hell are Moony and Pete?”

James’ eyes scanned the crowd, then he froze as Severus Snape and Regulus Black started their way. “Wand out, mate.”

Sirius followed James’ gaze, then reached into his pocket. “Merlin save me,” he muttered.

James pressed close to his side as the two Slytherins walked by. “Head Boy. Impressive, Potter,” Regulus sneered.

“I’m amazed you can understand him what with his head shoved so far up his mother’s arse,” Sirius hissed.

“Our mother…”

“Your mother,” Sirius corrected. “That banshee is no longer my mother. She made that very clear. Now fuck off, you Death Eater. Before Head Boy Potter takes points.”

Regulus’ jaw went tense, but he nodded his head sharply toward the doors and Snape grimaced as he followed.

“That’s right, obey your master, Snivellus,” Sirius called out. “Like the good little dog you are.”

Snape turned, wand out, but Sirius was too quick and blocked the hex. James stepped up, his own wand out, eyes narrowed. “Go. Before I make you regret your existence.”

Snape’s eyes narrowed again, but he spun and was gone in a flurry of his robes.

Sirius felt his heart hammering against his ribs, and he shoved his hands in his pockets to avoid anyone noticing they were shaking. “Fucking tosser.”

James reached out and gave the back of Sirius’ neck a small squeeze. “I’m sorry, Pads.”

Sirius shook his head. “Just…what’s he thinking, really? Why would he…” He stopped and breathed. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”

James opened his mouth to reply, but his eye caught a familiar tawny haired teen walking toward them with a massive grin, pushing through a crowd of nervous-looking first years. “Oy look. Moony!”

Sirius felt a supernova exploding in his chest at the sight of Remus’ face. They hadn’t seen each other in a week, but it felt like so much longer. And whilst they hadn’t told anyone about them yet, Sirius abandoned all pretences and yanked Remus toward him, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his mouth.

“Missed you,” he said, and felt like he could breathe again.

Remus was flushing a little as he returned the embrace. “Missed you too, Pads,” he murmured against Sirius’ ear.

Shoving Sirius aside, James grabbed Remus and kissed his cheek. “Save some affection for me. I pined as well.”

“Oh yes, couldn’t ignore our Head Boy, could we. He might take points,” Remus drawled.

James cuffed him, but laughed then hugged him again. “Seen Evans?”

“She’s with Alice and Frank. They’re on their way.” Remus nodded toward the crowd which was parting for the three seventh years.

James stood up straighter, squaring his shoulders, and Sirius barked a laugh. “Mate, she already fancies you. You can stop the preening.”

James kicked Sirius in the shin, but without malice. He was bouncing on his feet as Lily, Frank, and Alice got closer, and when she was within reach, he yanked her over and pressed a kiss to her face. “You look gorgeous.”

Lily’ face erupted into a blush. “Yes well. Don’t we have something important to be doing?”

“Can’t think of anything, really,” James said with a smirk as he wrapped his arm round her waist. “Alice, Frank, alright? How was your summer?”

Alice smiled as she leant into Frank. “Quite good. Thanks for having us over.”

Frank was staring at James and Lily, shaking his head. “You know, I always thought if she ever lowered her standards and gave in to this ponce, he’d get better, but I have a feeling it’s going to get so much worse.”

James pointedly ignored him when he spotted Peter walking up, and he waved him over. “Oy! Wormy! We’ve been waiting.”

Peter’s cheeks went a bit pink as he hurried over and smiled when Remus put an arm round his shoulders. “Alright you lot?”

“Better now,” Sirius said. “Come on, the Heads need to do their Hogwarts duty and we need to make them work for it.”

“Please don’t make me take points on the train,” Lily begged.

Sirius shot her a sharp grin as he pulled Remus by the hand onto the train and into their compartment. Throwing the door open, he strolled in with Remus still clutched by the hand, and Peter followed whilst Alice insisted they go find Dorcas and Marlene.

“See you lads,” Frank called.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he settled back against Remus who had put his back up against the wall near the window. When warm arms came round him, Sirius felt almost overwhelmed, and was torn between blowing their cover and snogging Remus right there, or just closing his eyes and letting himself sleep.

“You think James will be busy the whole ride?” Peter asked after a little bit.

“Nah.” One of Remus’ hands trailed up and down Sirius’ arm. “I think they just need to make sure everyone’s sorted, go talk with the new prefects. He’ll be by with sweets and everything, I’m sure.” His fingers stopped when they hit the watch, and he pulled Sirius’ sleeve up. “Oh. That’s lovely.”

Sirius turned his wrist. “Mr Potter gave it to me. As my er…birthday present. Bit late.”

“Because you’re a berk who refused to tell,” Peter said.

Sirius gave him a wolfish grin. “Yes well, it worked out anyway. It’s a Potter heirloom so I guess I’m officially accepted.”

Remus snorted and shook his head, tightening his grip on Sirius. “Idiot. They accepted you officially ages ago.”

Sirius closed his eyes and leant back a little more. “I’m exhausted. Mind if I have a kip?”

“No. I’ll wake you up when James gets back.” Remus fell silent and stroked Sirius’ hair until his breathing went even and he was asleep.

“Should we keep it down?” Peter all-but whispered.

Remus shook his head. “You know this one. Can sleep through nearly anything.” He looked down at the person he’d been in love with for years, and having him here, even if he couldn’t kiss him the way he wanted to, it was enough. Better than enough. “How are you then, Pete? Wish we could have seen you more this summer.”

“Well you lot did alright without me,” Peter said, and Remus almost missed the sharpness in his tone. “Parents kept me busy though.”

“Well this summer will be better. I mean, I know we’ve got to get jobs but maybe you could stay near London? Sirius was talking about getting another flat.”

Peter shrugged. “Might do. They’re going for Auror, aren’t they?”

“Yeah. Dunno about me. I mean you know…with my condition.”

Peter looked at him for a long moment. “Well I reckon Dumbledore will have something for you.”

Remus wondered for a moment if Dumbledore had paid the Pettigrews a visit as well, but thought it best not to bring it up yet. “Maybe. What about you, then?”

“Something Ministry, I suppose.” Peter leant back against the seat and put his arms behind his head. “Been seeing a bird.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up. “That’s wonderful. Do we know her?”

“Nah.” His eyes went shifty for a moment. “She’s muggle. Lives near my parents. Fetching, really. Too fetching for me, I think.”

Remus shook his head. “Don’t sell yourself short, Pete. You’re a good catch.”

Peter let out a derisive snort. “Not like you lot. I mean…can’t tell you what it’s like to try and follow you through the common room. I got pity snogs, and consolation snogs because they couldn’t catch his eye. Or Prongs’.”

Remus winced. “Well with the good ones, with the ones that matter, it’s different. They don’t…they don’t look at the flaws.” He absently ran his fingers over a scar, and saw something flicker in Peter’s eye. “I hope she makes you happy though.”

Peter smiled now, his face going soft. “She does, yeah.”

“Well you’ll have to bring her round. Prongs will want to make sure she’s good enough for our Wormy.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway, and Remus sat content and quiet half wrapped round the love of his life.

*** 

Remus woke to the sound of a muttered silencing spell, and let out an ‘Oomph’ when a soft body fell on top of his. A warm mouth began to nibble along his neck, and hot breath ghosted over his skin.

“Merlin, been waiting for this all night,” Sirius whispered into the crook of Remus’ neck.

Remus let out a small chuckle as his arms wrapped round Sirius’ back. They’d been at school two months now, doing their best to hide their relationship which wasn’t hard as James was still distracted by Evans and Quidditch, and honestly their friendship had been so handsy no one noticed a difference.

“Sorry I fell to sleep. M’body just hurts all over.”

Sirius shifted over. “Are you okay? You want me to go back to my bed.”

“No, you wank. I want you right here forever.” Remus pulled him down, shoving back the duvet so Sirius could climb in. His head turned and he captured Sirius for a slow, lingering kiss, leaving the taste of sugar quill on his tongue.

“Merlin I…I can’t get enough of you,” Sirius breathed. “I hate being here. I want to be back in London, no wandering professor’s eyes, no…no hiding.”

Remus shrugged as Sirius nuzzled him. “Soon enough. We’ve just got this last year and then we’re free.”

“Except then we’ve got all that…that other rubbish. With Dumbledore and…and everything.” Sirius’ voice was low, tense and tight with the worry of what would happen once they were no longer in school. Wars were bloody and full of death and anger and knowing he could lose what he loved most was almost too much to think about.

“It’ll be alright,” Remus vowed, carding his hands through Sirius’ hair. “I promise.”

Sirius made a low whimper of distress as he held Remus tighter. “It just feels like it won’t be.”

Remus breathed and kissed the side of his face because just then he realised Sirius was right. It might not be. But the only thing he could give Sirius was this.

*** 

They meant to keep everything a secret. Being a NEWT year, even James and Lily had calmed a little on their initial, near-hysterical snogging and walking round like they were attached at the hip. At any given year since third, anyone could have spotted Remus and Sirius, or Sirius and James, or James and Remus walking down the corridors hand in hand, nuzzling faces and exchanging short kisses.

It was nothing new.

Except just after James’ birthday when Peter ran up to the dormitory to retrieve his forgotten spare ink because he had Divination—the only one of the marauders who bothered with that ridiculous class—and he caught Sirius straddling Remus on the bed, their mouths attached firm and almost desperate.

He let out a small squeak, coughing then spluttering as he tripped backward. “Merlin I…oh my god. Oh you two? Really? Really?”

Sirius pried himself from Remus just a little, enough to turn his face and give Peter a withering glower. “Alright fine. You’ve found us out. But could you do us a favour, Wormtail, and fuck off? Because we’re a bit busy here.”

“Sirius,” Remus admonished, trying to extract himself from the other man. “Peter, listen…”

“No,” Peter said, his hands flailing up. “No it’s…I don’t want to know. It’s fine it’s…” He rubbed his face. “Does James know?”

“No,” Sirius said, “and if you tell him, we’ll make all our hexes on Snape look like bloody tickling charms.”

“No we will not,” Remus growled. “Sirius, stop it.” He pulled himself up off the bed and took a step toward Peter who took a step backward. “Pete…are you okay with this?”

Peter’s face bloomed red. “I…I mean… I didn’t. Well the three of you were always a bit…” He cleared his throat. “I always thought it was just a weird thing. Is James…have you with him?”

Remus shook his head. “No. We didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.”

Sirius, who was lounging back against the headboard, gave a weak shrug. “It’s sort of why we chose our free period, mate. To you know, do this. Should’ve reckoned it would be you to forget something, Wormy.”

“Stop,” Remus hissed again. “Can you just stop being an arse to him for five seconds?”

“Whatever, Moons.” Sirius flopped forward, his attitude indignant and petulant as it had been since he realised adulthood was actually just round the corner.

“Peter, we’re sorry,” Remus said.

Peter’s eyes narrowed. “He’s not.” He jutted his chin out at Sirius.

“S’right. I’m not bloody sorry for snogging my boyfriend, Peter. I mean, I get that you’re forever and ever a sodding virgin and won’t know what it’s like to have someone’s tongue in your mouth, but you don’t need to be jealous.”

Peter’s face reddened again. “I…that’s…”

Remus walked forward and pushed Peter out of the dorm. “He’s having trouble with…everything. Life.” Remus sighed and touched Peter’s shoulder, but his friend pulled away. “We’ll be more careful if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Peter cleared his throat. “Just a shock is all. And don’t apologise for Sirius. He is who he is. Always will be.”

Remus sighed, wishing he could say something else, but Peter was right. Sirius had never been overly kind to Peter. “We’ll tell James tonight. That way you don’t feel like you need to keep it a secret. Okay?”

Peter pursed his lips, then nodded. “Yeah, alright. I reckon I won’t see him until dinner anyway.” He worked his lips again, like he meant to say more, then turned on his heel. “See you, Remus.”

Remus hung his head down and waited til Peter was down the stairs before he turned back to the dorm and walked in. Sirius was lounging now in just his pants and t-shirt, his robes hanging off the side of the mattress. He grinned wolfishly at Remus.

“Alone again.”

“Sirius,” Remus groaned, but his words were cut off when Sirius’ thin fingers closed round his wrist and pulled him down. “You don’t have to be so mean to him.”

“Why not?” Sirius put his face in Remus’ neck and sucked at a sensitive spot, making Remus’ face go wobbly and soft. “He’s pretty pathetic.”

“He’s not. Just because he’s not…oh…ah…he’s not particularly…oh god will you stop that, I’m trying to talk,” Remus gasped.

“What’s the fun in that?” Sirius asked, and with a wicked grin, he gathered Remus’ robes, bunching them round his knees. “You know, meant to give you a gift for your birthday…”

“Ah,” Remus gasped, his face going flush, “that was ah…weeks ago, Sirius.”

“Mmm indeed it was. Eighteen. My little Moony’s growing up so fast.” Sirius’ fingers ghosted along Remus’ thighs, his fingertips pressing just enough to make Remus gasp. “Course James had to ruin my plans by having a sodding party.”

Remus leant forward, trying to catch his breath as Sirius’ fingers crept higher and higher. “Yes well…ah. I think you made out okay on that night.”

Sirius chuckled low as he fingered the elastic at the top of Remus’ pants. His finger poked just under it, drawing back and forth against the flushed skin. “I did, rather. But I was hoping for something a little more…” He bent his head down and licked a slow arc over Remus’ exposed neck. “Something like this?” His fingers dove in and closed round Remus’ erection.

“Oh shit,” Remus gasped, and felt his hips buck involuntarily against Sirius’ hand.

They hadn’t done much, hadn’t the chance really. There were really only so many broom cupboards and secret passages and with James having access to the map, he could find them at any time. Head Boy or not, he wanted privy to all the pranks and there was hardly an excuse Remus or Sirius could have thought up to explain why they needed to sneak out at midnight.

Now, with these free periods, they were learning each other’s bodies. Learning what they liked, what they wanted. Navigating this new part of their relationship and Remus was almost overwhelmed with it. Sirius began to tug on him, stroking him in a slow, delicate motion, and Remus’ hands scrabbled against him, desperate for purchase.

“Shit. Oh Pads god that’s…”

“Like it, do you?” Sirius smiled against Remus’ neck. “Just get you all hot and weak at the knees?”

“Fuck.” Remus was shaking with need and desire, and he grabbed Sirius by the face, kissing him hard. “Why do you do this to me?”

Sirius sped up his hand, making Remus’ eyes roll back in his head. “Well I rather think it’s because you fancy me. And you like me having my hand round your cock.”

Remus meant to say something back, even be snarky, but he was taken by his orgasm. It surprised him, and he gave a little cry, his legs shaking as he tensed up and released all over Sirius’ knuckles. Sirius was laughing a low, gentle sound over him, pressing light kisses to his face.

“You’re so gorgeous, Re. I…I just…can’t get enough.”

Remus felt the afterglow wrapping round him tight as he pulled Sirius down against him. “M’all sticky.”

Sirius waved his hand, using his wandless magic. “Scourgify.”

Remus shivered with the cleaning spell, then let himself breathe. “Merlin. You want me to er…”

Sirius grinned, holding Remus tight against him. “Nah. Maybe later. Just wanted to see you come.”

Remus shivered again, and blushed hard. “Feel like I’m never going to get used to this.”

Sirius’ eyes went a little dark and he looked back up at the ceiling where at night constellations of charmed stars would appear. “Well I was thinking maybe you would. Because maybe we could you know…I mean…I meant to get a flat again and I thought we could er…”

Remus was blinking up at him. “With me?”

Quirking a brow, Sirius pulled away a bit. “Well…yes?”

“Me? You want to flatshare with me?”

“Flatshare, bedshare, you know…all of that.” Sirius waved his hand dismissively. “I mean, unless you’d rather…”

But he couldn’t finish his sentence when Remus had jumped on him and peppered his face with kisses. “Fucking berk. Like you had to ask.”

Sirius laughed, holding Remus by the face. “Well apparently I did, you git. Since apparently you’re surprised.”

“I just… you know, didn’t think you’d want me round all the time.”

“Merlin. Nearly seven sodding years of having you in my bed just about every night and you think suddenly now I’d want you away?”

Remus shrugged and he pressed a kiss to the tip of Sirius’ sharp nose. “Just…wasn’t sure.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Remus grinned. “And that means I love you, in Sirius, right.”

Sirius grinned. “You know me so well.”

*** 

When Sirius and Remus got to lunch, they spotted James and Lily immediately, but Peter was nowhere to be found. Remus let out a small sigh, but Sirius seemed oblivious to the absence of their friend. He plonked down next to James and immediately stole a few chips from his plate.

“Oy mates, alright afternoon?”

Frank, who was having a rather heated discussion with James about the Canons v the Harpies, and James looked mortally offended as he glanced over at Sirius.

“…and if you seriously thing that Wallace has a chance this year,” James spat, “then fine. But when they lose—and they will, Longbottom, I’ll be laughing in your face. In your actual face.”

Frank scoffed and threw his hands up. “You’re mad, Potter. Barking.”

James sneered, then shoved Sirius away from his plate. “Bugger off, Sirius.”

Sirius laughed a little and began to pile both his plate and Remus’ with a sandwich and chips. “So lads, what’s on the agenda for tonight?”

James quirked a brow. “We’ve got NEWT revisions.”

Sirius threw up his hands. “NEWT revisions. You’re joking. Prongs, this is our last handful of weeks here. Ever. And you want me to waste time with revisions? We can’t just…”

“That was my plan,” Remus cut in. “Not everyone has your natural aptitude for bullshitting your way through exams.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “Judases, the lot of you. Sodding Judases.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but let his hand draw across Sirius’ lower back and he relaxed into it before tucking into his food. Remus took the opportunity to pull his Transfigurations book out onto the table and turned to the page he’d been studying earlier before Sirius had the brilliant idea of tossing him off on his bed for the free period.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius finish his food, then nick a few chips from his plate. Remus huffed, pulling it closer to him, and took a bite of his sandwich. His eyes scanned his sentence, but Sirius did it again, and he pulled his plate further over.

“There’s a sodding bowl of chips right in front of you, Sirius,” Remus groused.

“Yours taste better,” Sirius whinged. He reached out for one, but Remus slapped him away. 

“Stop it.”

“No.” Sirius made a mad grab for it, and Remus pulled away too sharply, falling to the floor with the sandwich, chips, and book on top of him.

Red-faced from holding back a laugh, Sirius jumped up. “Moony, I’m sorry…” He was choking on his giggles, and Remus shoved him away.

“You’re such a pain in the arse!”

Sirius picked him up and brushed him off. “Kiss make it better?”

Remus rolled his eyes, but was too flustered to realise where they were, or what they were doing, and he shrugged. “It might. But it had better be a sodding good one.”

Sirius took that chance to grab him by the face, mash themselves mouth to mouth, then stuck his tongue between Remus’ lips.

There was a clang, and Remus was wrenched back to the present. He peered round Sirius’ face, blushing and sheepish as he saw James staring at him open-mouthed.

“You’re joking.”

“Er,” Sirius said, giving James a small grin.

“You just snogged him. You just snogged Moony. In…in front of everyone.”

Sirius glanced over at Lily who was smirking into the sleeve of her robe, her green eyes sparkling. “Oh shut it, Evans.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she defended.

“Yes but it’s what you weren’t saying that needs to shut it,” he declared. Throwing his hands up in very dramatic, Sirius Black fashion, he threw his head back and shouted, “Yes, I snogged Remus Lupin. I’ve been snogging him! Is everyone happy?”

There was a laugh from the Ravenclaw table where someone then shouted, “No one’s surprised, mate. We worked that out ages ago!”

Remus was bright red as he used his wand to right his mess, then plonked down at the table and bowed his head. “Fuck this day.”

James shifted over as Sirius still stood there looking a bit gormless. “Er? Moony?”

Remus groaned. “Pete walked in on us earlier. Snogging and…stuff.”

“Stuff?” James pressed.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Decent stuff. Clothes were on and everything.”

“Until he left,” Sirius crowed.

“Oh my god Sirius, please,” Remus begged. “He was put off. Obviously. So we figured we should tell you but it wasn’t supposed to be like that. I wasn’t…thinking.”

James rubbed his hand down his face, then shrugged. “I mean, you know I don’t care.”

Sirius laughed as he bent forward and draped his arms round James’ shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. “We know you don’t.”

“And I think I speak for all of Gryffindor,” Frank said, “when I said it’s more of a surprise that this is a new thing. I think we were more shocked by James and Lily because we thought he was in one of your beds. Or both.”

The three Marauders all grinned and shrugged. “Just jealous is what you are,” Sirius said, pointing a lazy finger at Frank. “But now everyone knows. Remus and me are together. Proper together.”

“Nothing about you is proper, Pads,” Remus huffed. He grabbed a goblet, sticking his finger in it to test for silver—hating he had to do that—then took a long drink of pumpkin juice. “Now, if we’re done with theatrics, I really do need to study.”

*** 

“It’s it. It’s over lads. I’ve let us down. I’ve betrayed us!” Sirius threw himself to his bed, one arm covering over his eyes.

Remus, who was sitting with James on James’ bed with their Charms book between them, looked over. “Er?”

“The map,” Sirius groaned.

“We may need slight clarification.”

Sirius looked up, his eyes narrow. “Sodding Filch! He caught me in the corridor because someone wouldn’t let me use the cloak,” he sent a withering glower at James. “He got the map.”

James rubbed his nose, letting out a small sigh. “Was it deactivated?”

Sirius’ glower deepened. “Do I look like an idiot?”

“Er…” Remus began.

“That ‘er’ had better be followed with, ‘No Sirius, you absolutely do not, so let me come over there and snog you until you feel better.’”

Remus snickered and rolled his eyes over to James. “You reckon we can get it back?”

“Probably.” James leant back against the headboard and closed the book. “Sirius, love, will it make you feel better if we take the cloak and go look?”

“Yes, but Moony can’t come,” Sirius complained. “He’s too bloody tall and they’ll see our feet.”

“That’s alright. Moony has a load of revision to complete so Moony doesn’t score less than zero on his exams and have wasted his entire seven years at Hogwarts.” Remus shot Sirius a grin who did not return it.

“You had better be here when I get back for a consolation snog. Naked.”

“Merlin’s balls, Sirius,” James groaned, wrapping the cloak round Sirius’ shoulders. “Come on, piss-baby, let’s go find the sodding map.”

Remus chuckled and shook his head, going back to his books as James and Sirius left. He got ten solid minutes into Charms when the door creaked open, and a blonde head poked through. “Everyone decent?”

Remus let out a sigh. “Peter, I said we were sorry and we’ve been quite good about it since then.”

Peter flushed, but hesitated before taking a step in. “I know. But…”

“It’s only me. Filch confiscated the map so James and Sirius went to see if they could get it back.” He shifted onto his stomach and reached for Transfigurations. “You need something?”

“Was looking for Sirius, actually.” Peter walked over and sat on his bed. “Maybe it’s better he’s not here. I er…ran into Regulus in the corridor.”

Remus’ face darkened. “And?”

“And he gave me this.” He pulled out a sealed letter from his pocket and set it down. “It’s from Reg, not his parents.”

Remus’ jaw tightened. “Still doesn’t mean it’s not cursed.”

Peter sighed. “Reckon you’re right, but…” He rubbed his face.

“Anyway you want to hold off until tomorrow. He’s already in a really foul mood.” Remus didn’t want to think about what he’d need to do if Sirius was dragged into any more of his family drama. “We’re nearly done with school and I just want to get through these last few weeks in one piece.”

Peter nodded. “D’you think Sirius would ever you know…go back to them?”

Remus’ eyebrows went up and he couldn’t help barking a laugh. “To a family full of Death Eaters? Not bloody likely, mate.”

“Well…I mean I’m not saying Sirius is a blood purist because clearly he’s not, but you don’t think he’s got some dark in him?”

Remus laughed again. “Maybe, but don’t we all? Ultimately I think he wants to be a good person.”

Peter looked at Remus, his expression thoughtful. “I’m not so sure. Sirius has enough love for you and James, and he’s warmed to Lily I guess. He tolerates me and Frank, but that’s it. He tolerates. I’m not so sure he’d be willing to fight for anything except you, James, and his own arse.”

Remus felt something shifting in his gut. Confusion and worry. “Why are you saying this? Pete, you’ve been our friend nearly seven years…”

“I’ve been here. Invited by obligation or habit. Bloody hell, Moony, I’m not even a useful animagus. I’m a sodding rat. If I transformed with you, you’d eat me.”

Remus’ jaw clenched, prepared to defend himself—but how could he when it was probably true. But he was bothered Peter felt that way. “I thought we were friends.”

Peter let out a small sigh. “You’ve always been a good sort, Remus. I’m not saying it about you. I mean, Merlin knows you’ve a blind spot where those two are concerned. James could set fire to the girls’ dormitories and you’d find some way to excuse him or forgive him. Sirius nearly committed murder and you still found your way into his bed.”

Remus felt his stomach knot. “Peter…”

“No, don’t. I get it, I do. I’m not angry or anything. I mean, I’m grateful you three paid attention to me at all. And I know you care about me.”

“Good,” Remus said, his voice hard, “because we do. I do. And I would hate for you to go off after this thinking that these long years we’ve spent together under some of my most painful circumstances meant nothing to me other than obligation.”

Peter’s cheeks pinked. “I hurt your feelings.”

Remus let out a sigh and shrugged. “A little. But whatever you feel…it’s fair.”

Peter looked cowed, and he rose from the bed. “Just see to it he gets the letter, alright?”

Remus nodded, and watched as Peter left the room, closing the door with a soft click. The conversation had been strange, but maybe a long time coming. Maybe it was time to acknowledge their fourth marauder was nothing but a fringe being, someone who sat on the outside looking in. And he wasn’t wrong. Sirius wasn’t ever the kindest person, and Remus did forgive both him and James for more than he ought to.

But he couldn’t help it. He was in love with them both, in different ways but it didn’t change things.

With a sigh, he got up to fetch the letter and tucked it into his robes. Whatever Reg had to say could wait for another day.

A week later, Remus turned it over and without a word, Sirius dropped the letter, unopened, into the fire. He took Remus by the face after that and kissed him hard. “I don’t care what he has to say. He’s not my family anymore.”

Remus held him just as tight, but worried that Sirius may regret it one day. But then again, there was a lot Sirius would likely regret and Remus’ job was to be there to comfort him. And that was something he could do.

*** 

They did not get the map back. Between Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter, no one could figure out how to uncharm the drawer on Flich’s desk. Someone at one point suggested picking the lock the muggle way, but none of them could work out how—in spite of their best efforts. Just after NEWTs passed, they declared it a loss.

“Not like we’ll need it when we leave here anyway,” James said with a shrug.

“Yes, but it’s our legacy,” Sirius whinged, throwing himself into an armchair by the fire. “We’re supposed to leave it to our children.”

“Oh I shudder to think of allowing children to get up to what you lot did,” Lily said, her head shaking.

James, who dropped down next to her on the sofa, kissed her cheek. “Darling, it’s in my blood. There’s no escaping it.”

“Then here’s hoping my womb is barren as a desert,” she said.

“Oh that’s hurtful. That really is,” James said.

With a snicker, Remus dropped onto the arm of the chair and let Sirius nuzzle up to his side. “So what say you? Hogsmeade this afternoon?”

“Yes. I’m getting properly pissed in celebration of finally being done,” Sirius declared, yanking Remus down hard on his lap. It was awkward, Remus being so much taller, but Sirius held him tight without effort. 

“You go back up to school pissed and you’ll get detention,” Lily warned.

Sirius snorted. “Lils, love, you don’t think I know that. I’m counting on going out with a bang. With any luck I’ll have my detention with Minnie.”

“I can’t believe you call her that to her face,” Lily said, leaning into James.

James snorted. “I can’t believe she lets him.”

“I’m charming,” Sirius said, nuzzling into Remus’ neck and kissing him loud and sloppy. “What can I say?”

“Sorry. You can say sorry for what you put us through,” Remus replied, but he was blushing and grinning.

“You two are disgusting,” Lily said.

“You’re no better,” Sirius bit back.

Remus turned Sirius’ head and kissed him, effectively shutting him up. Sirius mumbled against Remus’ lips for a second, then melted into the kiss, throwing his arms round Remus’ neck. When they finally broke apart, James and Lily were up and heading for the portrait hole.

“When you two tarts are finished,” James called, “we’ll be at the three broomsticks.”

Sirius waved them off. “Enjoy yourselves. We sure will.”

*** 

They were really only ten minutes behind, seeing as seventh year or not, end of the year or not, they were still at a crowded school. “Merlin I cannot wait to have the privacy of our own flat.” Sirius played with Remus’ fingers as they walked the path toward Hogsmeade.

Remus flushed, the idea of having his own place with Sirius on their own and no one else, was still new. As was the idea of really and truly being wanted. “I know. Me too.”

Sirius beamed up at him. “I can’t believe you really want to.”

Remus laughed. “Oh, and deny Sirius Black anything he wants? We’d hear your tantrum all the way to Antarctica.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and yanked Remus in a little closer. “Oy there, be careful. I’m fragile.”

Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ temple. “Sorry love,” he murmured.

Nuzzling close, they headed into the village, popped by Honeydukes for a few sweets, then headed to the Three Broomsticks where they found James and Peter at their usual table. James had his arm laying on the back of Peter’s chair, talking enthusiastically about some World Cup or another.

“…and if we could have been there, Pete…I mean honestly there won’t be another game like it.”

“Merlin save us,” Sirius whinged as he dropped into a chair. “Where’s Lily? Doesn’t she usually put a stop to all this Quidditch talk?”

“She got dragged out by the girls,” James complained. “It’s just been me and Pete pining away for you two.”

Remus gave Peter a careful look, but Peter was smiling jovially. “I’ll get drinks. What are you lot having?”

It was firewhiskey all around, and Remus slid up to the bar and smiled at Rosmerta who didn’t need to be told what to get. “You boys,” she said fondly. “We will miss you round here.”

Remus laughed. “Oh I’m sure. Sirius and all his flirting drinks out of everyone and wreaking general havoc.”

She shook her head. “Oh trust me, we will miss it. I hope you boys visit once in a while.”

Remus smiled at her. “We’ll do our best. I mean, you never know.”

“Well I could see you working at the school one day, you know.” She winked at him as she plonked four whiskeys down on a tray. “You’d be quite good at it.”

Remus blushed, shaking his head. “Me?”

“I’ve seen the way you are with your friends. Merlin only knows how bad they would have got without you.” She gave his face a pat. “Go on then, enjoy your last weekend before the big bad adult world tries to gobble you up.”

That set a hard stone sinking into the pit of his stomach as he grabbed the drinks. He managed to plaster on a pleasant grin though, as he set the drinks down, and even a laugh when Sirius pulled him down onto his lap.

“Oy! None of that,” James ordered. “No snuggling unless it’s with me.”

“So snuggle Wormy,” Sirius said, “if you’re so jealous. Not like you and Lily are any better when she’s here anyway.”

“It’s a conspiracy against me, Pete,” James said as he grabbed his drink and threw his arm round Peter. He took a long sip, then shook his head. “Oh look at me, getting all melancholy. How am I supposed to sleep without you lads?”

There was a sombreness at the table then, as four heads bowed just a bit. “We’ll be alright,” Remus said after a bit. “We’ll still see each other loads.”

“Too right,” Sirius said. “Standing invite to mine and Remus’.” He tipped his glass up, and Remus noticed the startled look on James’ face.

“Yours and Remus’?” Peter asked. “So you two…”

“Oh like you’d expect anything different,” James said, shaking his head with a grin. He pulled Peter tighter and slapped a sloppy kiss to his cheek. Remus wondered if that was the first one Peter had ever got, because he blushed and didn’t seem sure if he should be pleased or disgusted. “Well lads, we should toast a very fine seven years, shouldn’t we? Four friends I’d die for, four friends I couldn’t live without. And seven long years of making everyone’s lives slightly more wonderful and entertained simply because we were part of them.”

“Hear hear!” Sirius said, smacking his hand on the table.

The four of them raised their glasses, and drank to that.

*** 

Sirius glanced over at the fading dusk, a rock clenched in his fist. The wind was still biting in spite of the summer, and he felt a stinging in his gut. He was going to miss this place. He was afraid. He was so damned afraid of losing everything he’d built once he was out on his own.

Pulling his arm back, he chucked the stone into the lake, listening with some satisfaction as it hit the water with a loud plonk. Sitting back on his elbows, he looked up at the tree he, Remus, James, and Peter had sat under so many times he’d lost count.

They wouldn’t have that, either. Just busy streets and jobs and war. Bloodshed. They’d lose people they cared about.

“Sirius?”

Turning his head, Sirius saw James coming up over the hill. He felt a warmth settle inside his chest as he shifted over to make room for his best friend. James hitched his robes up to his knees to sit more comfortably, and laid his head against Sirius’ shoulder.

“Got this for you.” James reached into his pocket and pulled out a charmed bit of parchment shaped like a bird. Its wings were flapping weakly. “From Moony.”

Sirius took it, but didn’t open it right away. “Jamie?”

“Hmm?”

“D’you reckon it’s all going to fall apart once we leave here?”

James turned his head to look at Sirius. “What’s going to fall apart?”

“This,” Sirius said, waving his hand between them. “I mean, I’ll be off with Moony, and you’ll be off with Lily. Wormy will be…I dunno. About. Somewhere. And…and what if we become those people who just…aren’t. Anymore.”

There was a pause, then James reached out and pulled Sirius close to him. “That will never happen. If you think I could stand to be away from you for longer than a few days, you’re mad.”

Sirius took a breath, holding tight to the familiar scent that was James, the familiar arms that had held him countless times over the near decade. “I’m…scared.”

“Don’t be.” James let out a breath as he ran his fingers into Sirius’ hair. “I love Lily. I mean, haven’t told her that yet, but I do. And I want to marry her and have a family and all that other rubbish, but…Sirius, you and Moony are…” He stopped and shook his head. “There aren’t words for what you two are to me. No matter what, is what you are. No matter what.”

Sirius took in a shaking breath. “I…you’re the same, James. And I know it’s different with me and Moony now, what we’ve got. I’m in love with him, you know?”

James laughed. “Sirius, I could have told you that ages ago. And honestly he’s been the same with you.” He turned Sirius’ face by the chin and kissed him gently on the mouth. “I fucking love you too. And nothing is going to take that away from us. I promise.”

Sirius let out a shudder. “There’s just so much…so much world, so much dark stuff out there waiting for us.”

James nodded. “I know.”

After a moment of silence, Sirius opened the paper bird and saw two words printed. ‘Shrieking Shack.’

They’d never been invited there before, not as humans. It was a standing rule that they should only see it in animal form because it was a place of torture for Remus. And they’d all respected that. But now Remus was asking for him.

Sirius was startled when James gave him a small push. “Go. I think he needs you tonight. He was looking a bit frayed round the edges when I saw him last.”

Sirius’ eyes shut for a second as he let James hold him a bit longer. “Alright. See you back upstairs?”

“Course. Idiot.” James pressed a kiss to his face one more time before he got up and started back toward the castle.

Sirius took his time getting up, making his way toward the willow without worrying who might see him. Their last full moon as werewolf and animagus had already passed. There would be no more sneaking out, no more forbidden forest runs, no more worrying and hiding from the others.

He gave the knot a prod, waiting for the branches to freeze, then slipped into the passageway and began the trek down the tunnel toward the door. He paused there for a second, hand pressed to the side of the tunnel, and he breathed.

It was saying goodbye to a piece of his childhood. To a devotion to a scarred-up, tawny-haired boy who was terrified that if anyone knew his secret, he’d be cast out. Sirius had nearly ruined that for him, and that would weigh on him forever. A vicious reminder that he could have been just as bad as the family he loathed. The ones aligning themselves with the Dark Lord.

Taking a breath, he pushed inside to the shack and looked round. It was strange to see the inside with human eyes. He wondered why Dumbledore had ever bothered to furnish it. Everything was in tatters, most of the windows busted, and all the furniture in shreds from a time when Remus Lupin had no one to keep him safe.

“Moony?” Sirius glanced round, and didn’t see Remus anywhere.

After a pause, an answer came from up the stairs. “I’m in the first bedroom.”

Sirius took the steps, careful as they seemed worn and creaky, and he slipped into the first bedroom. Remus was there, sitting under the window staring out with his knees clutched to his chest. Instinct took over and Sirius crouched behind him, going down to his knees, and wrapped his arm round Remus, resting his chin on his lover’s shoulder.

“How long have you been up here?”

Remus let out a breath, leaning back into Sirius just slightly. “Dunno. An hour, maybe two. James found you?”

“Yes. The bird was cute.” Sirius nuzzled against Remus’ neck and felt his cheek lift with a smile. “Is er…there a reason you’re here?”

“Couple.” Remus was silent for a few moments. “Wanted to have something good from this place before we left. Something…human. I guess.”

Sirius felt something uncomfortable twist in his gut as it always did when he was forced to remember that the man he loved wasn’t always human. “And the other?”

Remus shifted, then pulled a letter from his pocket. “That woman, the one who took over the Department of Magical Creatures…Umbridge.”

Sirius felt a sneer cross his mouth. “What of her?”

“She’s written a new law. Just passed. Dumbledore passed it along to me.”

Sirius took it with one hand, keeping the other firmly attached to Remus. He unfolded it and read, his brow furrowing. “What…what is this?”

“It’s a requirement that all registered werewolves in Britain must check themselves into the Ministry at every full moon to be monitored during the change. In cells.”

Sirius felt his throat tighten. “I…so…you…you have to do that?”

Remus shifted back just a little further. “Dumbledore took care of it. He managed to er…carefully lose my record. Told me this afternoon over a game of gobstones whilst you and James were out on the pitch.”

Sirius felt the knot in his belly uncoil just a bit. “Oh. So you’re…”

“Technically not a werewolf in the eyes of the ministry. However he…” Remus took a breath. “Asked me for a favour in return.”

Sirius stiffened. “What sort?”

“Something to do with fighting the Dark Lord. He hasn’t told me the specifics yet but he’s asked me to keep it a secret. From everyone.”

Sirius felt something uncomfortable shift through him at the idea that Remus would keep anything from him. Was that what it would be like later, as well? But for now, he could feel Remus was in pain and it was no time to be pouting about it. Not yet.

He shifted down and turned Remus in his arms. It was awkward. Remus was nearly an entire head taller, but he shifted up as high as he could, taking Remus’ cheeks between his palms and tried to pour every ounce of love he had to give into the kiss.

Remus groaned a little, melting into the embrace. When they parted, Remus pressed his forehead to Sirius. “Something else I need to say. I…I mean maybe it’s mad that I say it here but…” He stopped and gripped Sirius’ robes right over his heart. “I’ve had feelings for you since fourth year, and even when I told James, I wasn’t entirely sure what they were. I mean, apart from wanting to throw you down and snog you stupid.”

Sirius laughed. “Yeah?”

Remus nodded. “Yeah. But…it’s…something shifted and…”

When Remus stopped talking, Sirius felt panic grip him. And what? And what, Remus, he begged. Was he telling him he no longer felt that way? This was a place of pain, and would there be more tonight?”

“…and I mean I know I’m only eighteen and you’re the only person I’ve ever been with so what the fuck do I know? But I love you, Sirius. I’m in love with you. Every fibre of my being belongs to you and probably always will. And I was afraid to say it because it means that you have the power to flay me open with nothing more than a word, but…there it is. And you deserved to know.”

Sirius felt his throat tighten and his eyes went suspiciously foggy and wet. He tried to say something, but the only sound coming out of his mouth was a choked mutter so instead he grabbed Remus by the front of his robes and pulled him in for a searing kiss.

“How do you do this to me? How,” he hissed against Remus’ lips.

Remus, who looked just as emotionally wrought, shook his head. “Can I take that to mean you feel the same way? Or close to it? I mean… you don’t have to. I know we’re young but…”

“Shut up,” Sirius hissed, and kissed him again. “Of course I feel the same way. Of course I’m fucking in love with you, you great wobbly tart. I…” He lost his words again and shook his head. “You are everything,” he finally said, his voice almost vicious. “Everything.”

Remus let out a breath and then closed his eyes and let Sirius hold him, and letting this place of pain know that he hadn’t been beaten. He was loved, and he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, first summer in the flat. First jobs, they meet Lily's family, and Sirius gets his motorbike.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more dark and angsty than the previous ones. And it jumps round a bit during the years after Hogwarts, before Harry's born, so just be warned about that. I'm building up to the spy suspicions, and the eventual culmination of the Dark Lord coming after Harry. I've decided that I am going to keep this a James!Lives. Also because it's set in the seventies/eighties, it's not as inclusive as I like to make my stories, but I'm trying to work round that as best as I can. Especially regarding talk of gender, etc.
> 
> Anyway hope you like the update. xx

“Oh I can’t believe she talked us in to this,” Sirius whinged as they trudged up the street. “She’s going to owe me.”

Remus rolled his eyes as he adjusted his shirt. “You like muggle things.”

“Yes well, good muggle things. Not stodgy anniversary parties where no one knows about wizards.” Sirius huffed again, and stopped walking to feel for his wand just under the leg of his jeans.

“Will you stop that. It hasn’t fallen out, I’d have told you,” Remus said, giving Sirius’ arm a smack.

Sirius huffed as he righted himself and they started walking again. “Little Whinging. What kind of barmy name is that? Little Whinging.”

“Oh I don’t think wizarding places are any better,” Remus mused. He stopped Sirius and pulled him in for a quick kiss. “Now stop. We haven’t seen James in over a week and he’s asked us to come and support her.”

It was late August now. Remus and Sirius had their own flat in London, and James and Lily started living together after June when her parents were in a car crash, killing them both on impact. It had been a shock, and Lily was just now coming out of it when her sister announced her wedding anniversary to a rather dreadful man called Vernon.

James made it clear Lily meant to keep what small relationship she had with her sister on good terms as she was the only family she had left. Which meant attending this party together, as muggles, and behaving themselves.

It was tense outside of their small flat. The war was waging. Muggles were dying, wizards and witches were disappearing, and the Ministry—according to Dumbledore—was falling bit by bit to the Death Eaters. No one was to be trusted.

James and Sirius were working as Aurors, reporting to the Head of the Department, but Dumbledore as well. They’d seen Peter a handful of times, though he was quiet about what Dumbledore had him up to, and Remus was keeping to himself, waiting for Dumbledore to call him in on the favour.

But they could ignore it sometimes. Like now, when they trudged up the street to be there for their best friends.

“Listen Moony I…” Sirius’ voice trailed off, and when Remus turned to see what he was staring at, he shook his head. Parked on the street was a motorbike in severe disrepair with a For Sale sign attached to the side.

“Sirius,” Remus said.

“Look at that, Moony. Would you look at that.”

“I am looking at it,” Remus said, taking Sirius’ hand in his. “It’s a motorbike. Which, I might remind you, you’ve no idea what to do with.”

“But it’s cool,” he breathed.

“Very. Very cool, but again very muggle and something you’ve never been on.”

Sirius was tugged along, but his gaze kept going back. “I could though. Merlin, could you imagine tearing round London on that with me?”

“Only in my nightmares,” Remus murmured.

“You’re such a wanker,” Sirius said, giving him a thwack. “I could charm it. I could charm it to fly.”

“That’s illegal, Sirius,” Remus warned. “Besides, when would you have time? You’re too busy. Come along now, it’s just here.”

There was a noise from the back garden, the sound of voices murmuring, and the gentle tinkling of harp music. 

“Are we really doing this?” Sirius hissed.

Remus glowered at him before pushing the bell on the door, and took his hand away from Sirius. Not only were they not to be wizards, but they weren’t to be together as Mr and Mrs Dursley did not approve of such things either.

“I just really want to…” Sirius didn’t finish his sentence as the door swung open and the pinched-faced Petunia Dursley answered. Her hair was pulled back away from her face, and Remus struggled to see the resemblance between the two sisters.

“Can I help you?” She turned her nose up at the pair.

“Er. Yes, Lily asked us to come,” Remus said. “I’m…”

“We’re friends from school,” Sirius drawled, leaning forward a bit. “And it’s rude to keep us waiting out on the street.”

Petunia blinked rapidly, her breath sucking in, then she stepped aside. “I sincerely hoped Lily went over the rules with you two.”

Sirius snorted. “Course she did. And we’ve agreed. For her.” Sirius yanked Remus along who shot Petunia a somewhat apologetic smile as they marched through the house, to the back garden where several tables laden with finger foods and champagne flutes sat just out of the sun.

“Where in Merlin’s name…” Sirius muttered, then his eyes brightened as he saw Lily and James arm-in-arm, talking to another couple. “Oy!”

James looked over, attempted to scowl, but was unable to at the sight of his best friends. He bent down to whisper something at Lily, then hurried over with a grin. His hand went up, mussing his hair a bit.

“Alright you two? You’re a bit late.”

“Well seeing as we had to do it the muggle way,” Sirius said, sticking his chin out. “And Moony wouldn’t let me get a motorbike.”

James sputtered. “A what? What the hell would you want that for?”

“Because it’s cool,” Sirius said again.

Remus rolled his eyes. “He wants to charm it.”

“Merlin save us. Anyway, thanks for being here. Lily’s a bit on edge. Her sister’s already been dreadful to her.”

Sirius scoffed. “Yes, we have the misfortune of greeting her at the door.” He glanced over as Petunia re-joined the party, giving the three of them a withering look. “D’you think anyone would notice if I gave her a quick hex? I could do it wandless.”

“Don’t you dare,” James warned. “Just get us through this afternoon. Just…just go eat something. Have a drink. Be…muggle.”

Sirius scoffed, but Remus took his hand and pulled him toward the table of champagne, pushing a glass into his hand. “We can do this for James and Lils.”

“Fine,” Sirius huffed. “But I want the motorbike.”

Remus’ grin was vaguely amused. “You know what, love. Fine. If you can work out how to pay for it, and how to get it running, _and_ how to drive it, you can have the bike.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “Really?”

Remus snorted. “Not your keeper, love. Have at it. You’ve a proper job and everything. Just…I hope you know what you’re getting into.”

*** 

Three hours later found Sirius and Remus ready to leave, and were looking round for Lily. They found her cornered in the back of the garden by her sister and her purple-faced husband.

“You’re mad if you think we’d come to that…that, abomination you call a wedding,” Petunia hissed.

Sirius crept closer as he heard Lily’s weak reply. “You’re my sister. Tuney, I was at yours. I just… you’re all I’ve got left.”

“Far as I’m concerned, as long as you continue running round with those…those freaks, we are not sisters.”

“But…” There were tears in Lily’s voice and it set Sirius off.

He strolled up, a wolfish grin across his mouth, and slung his arm round Lily. “Hello darling. How are we then?”

“Sirius,” she said, her voice a little wobbly, “I thought you’d left.”

“Not without you, love.”

She gave him a small smile. “I was just…”

“Oh I heard,” Sirius said, rounding on the pair of muggles, his grey eyes going narrow and vicious. “I heard what she called us. Freaks, was it?”

“Well,” Vernon spluttered, “it’s what you are, isn’t it? Magicians,” he spat.

“Mag—I…sorry, what did you just call me?” Sirius said.

“If you honestly think…” Vernon began, but Sirius had flicked his fingers at the rose bushes which erupted into flames.

“Can magicians do that?”

“Sirius,” Lily begged.

With a huff, he removed the fire and the roses stood there unharmed. “I’ll not have them spouting abuse at you, Lily. I will not tolerate it. As the person who loves you second most in this world—James of course being first—I will not hear it. Not at all. Ever.” He narrowed his glower at the pair. “Do I make myself clear?”

Neither of them said a word, but they looked cowed.

“Lily, your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. And if you have to bully your sister and Vernon into being there…”

“No, I know,” she said, breathing. “You’re right.” She put her arm round Sirius’ waist and looked back at her sister. “You don’t want me in your life, fine. That’s fine. But one of these days you’re going to realise just how lonely that is, Petunia. And I won’t come calling.”

With that, she tugged Sirius along. “Where’s James and Re?”

“Reckon they’re outside looking for you.” Sirius stopped her beside a cupboard door under the stairs and took her by the shoulders. “Lils, are you okay?”

She nodded, then stopped and shook her head, her green eyes going wet and red. “No. She’s…I mean…my parents and…and I don’t understand why she hates me so much.” Her voice cracked at the end, and she burst into tears.

“Oh darling,” he said, and pulled her close. “You know if anyone can understand shit family, it’s me, right?”

She chuckled and looked up at him, swiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I know. I’m sorry, I’m completely falling apart. It’s just…there’s so much going on. Order meetings and James keeps coming home and his eyes look darker and darker every night. I…I’m scared. And now my parents are gone and Petunia just doesn’t care.”

Sirius pulled her in for another hug. “We’re doing what we’re doing because we want to protect you. Okay? Not just you, everyone we love. And it’s dangerous and a bit terrifying, I know. Some nights I just lay there next to Moony and wonder—what if this is my last night here? What if something happens and I…” He stopped and shook his head as she pulled away. “But I have to believe it’s going to be okay.”

Lily swiped at her face again. “I love you, Sirius. You and James and Remus and Peter. I really do.”

He laughed a little, but felt his heart swelling a bit. “Merlin knows I love you all. It’s going to be okay. It will.”

He took her hand and tugged her toward the door. “Come on, let’s get out of this muggle hell hole and you can all come back to mine for pizza and beer. We’ll sit round and not think about weddings or sisters or muggles or war. Okay?”

She took in a last, shaking breath and nodded. “Alright. Yes. Let’s do that.”

*** 

Four and a half weeks later found Sirius Black stood at James’ front door banging on it. His grin threatened to split his face in half, and when James answered, he yanked his friend outside.

“Bloody hell, Sirius, it’s just gone midnight. What are you doing?”

Sirius dragged him out to the kerb where he pointed at the still rather rough looking motorbike. “I’m calling her Magnolia—Maggie for short. I thought a flower name would be appropriate since Lily’s the strongest woman I know and I want her to have a fucking strong namesake.”

Ruffling his hair, James looked back up to his flat window, then at the bike. “You really got that damned thing running?”

“Charmed it and everything. It’s still having…issues, staying in the air, but rides great. Not even on petrol.” Sirius gave the handlebars an affectionate pat. “Come on, let’s take her for a ride.”

James looked dubious. “Er. Sirius…”

“Come on, man. Where’s your sense of adventure. Moony’s refusing to go…like the soggy toast that he is. Someone’s got to come with me,” he whinged. He slid up to James and nuzzled his neck until James laughed and shoved him away.

“Fine, you bloody tart. Let’s go.”

Sirius let out a whoop, then jumped on, urging James behind him. He revved the engine, then tore off down the street, wobbling at first, but going steady as he rounded a corner.

“And Moony thought I wouldn’t be able to get a handle on it.” Sirius revved the engine harder, his speed increasing as James clung to him.

They rode down the street, round a corner, and suddenly there were sirens behind them.

“Oh bloody hell. Muggle police!” James shouted.

Sirius cackled. “We can outrun them!”

“Don’t be daft,” James shouted in his ear. “We’ll end up in muggle jail.”

Sirius pushed the bike faster. “Nah! We won’t!” He considered stopping, but heard James laughing which spurred him on. They hit the open road and began taking sharp turns through quiet neighbourhoods until suddenly there was no one there.

Sirius was about to let out a breath of relief when he felt James stiffen. “Brooms,” James hissed in his ear.

Sirius’ head swivelled round to see three figures in hoods and cloaks following them. “Death Eaters.”

James had his wand out, and fired off a hex before one hit the bike. It spun out from under them, and he went flying. In a panic, his magic stopped him from skidding across the pavement, but he heard a sickening crunch of metal. 

“James!” he cried.

Red jets of light were shooting at him, and he immediately grabbed his wand and began to fire back. Suddenly, James was at his side and was grabbing his arm. “Fuck. Sirius, I think that’s…”

“AVADA KEDAVRA!”

The spell missed. By a hair.

James grabbed his arm, shot out a stunning spell, then Apparated with Sirius in tow.

They landed in front of Headquarters, and burst in to find the Longbottoms there, looking a bit worse for the wear. “Death Eater attack,” James said.

Alice nodded as she spread a bit of dittany over her arm where a large gash sat just under her elbow. “They got us as well.”

“Fuck,” James hissed, slamming his fist on the table. “Lily’s home alone.”

“She’s fine,” came the warbling tones of Dumbledore as he walked into the room. “Alastor was dispatched and he’s sent word she’s fine.”

James let out a shaking breath, but Sirius felt his stomach heave. “Remus…”

“Is here,” Albus said, nodding to the doorway as Remus walked through. He, too, looked harassed but was alright, and Sirius finally relaxed when his arms came round his lover.

“Fuck. Where?” Sirius breathed.

“I saw a Patronus on the street. I thought it was one of ours, but when I went out to get it, the set on me. Four of them. Only just got away.” Remus turned his face to reveal a shallow cut along his jaw.

Sirius felt rage welling up in him, barely controlled and only because Remus was still touching him. “How many of us got targeted.”

“Everyone they know about, I believe.” Dumbledore let out a breath. “I’m waiting on a few others. Marlene and her sister were supposed to be back an hour ago.”

Sirius felt his stomach sink as he looked over at James who had gone a bit grey in the face. “And?”

“The Prewetts.”

“Fuck,” Sirius hissed.

“We should all remain calm until we’re accounted for,” Dumbledore said. “There’s tea if anyone would like.”

Everyone began to filter toward the kitchen, but Remus, James, and Sirius stayed in the parlour near the fire, waiting on edge for others to arrive.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked after some time. He released Sirius and walked to James who was sporting a rather large patch of road-rash on the side of his face. Remus reached out, not quite touching it. “What happened?”

“We were on Sirius’ bike,” James said absently, staring at the flames. “They showed up behind us.”

Remus cursed under his breath. “Well I can’t blame that on the damned thing.” He looked back up at James, then took his hand. “She’s alright. She’ll be here soon.”

James made a choked noise, then nodded. “I know. I just…fucking hell, Moony. We just got married. Haven’t even had a honeymoon, you know. We’re just…” His shaking hands went to his face. “Merlin, I can’t do this anymore.”

Remus gave a pained look to Sirius who pulled James to the sofa, and sat him between himself and Remus. James put his head on Sirius’ shoulder, letting Remus take his hand, and the three of them sat there trying to remember what it was like when they took this sort of comfort because they wanted it, not because they needed it. Not because people were missing. Or dying.

The fire gave a green roar and James was instantly on his feet as Lily stepped out of the grate, Moony directly behind her. He abandoned all pretences as he pulled her in for a fierce kiss, holding her tight. “Merlin…Oh Lils…”

Moody gave them a withering look, then hobbled along to the kitchen to give his report to Dumbledore. Sirius caught the edge of it, but none of it was newsworthy. 

“Come on,” Sirius said, holding his hand to Remus. “Let’s go and see what they need us to do.”

Remus nodded, quiet and subdued as he let Sirius’ fingers curl round his. They left James and Lily in the parlour and found Dumbledore and Moody talking quietly. The room went very quiet when they walked in.

“Any news?”

Dumbledore glanced over at Arthur Weasley who had just Apparated in. “Arthur?”

“They’ve er…found two bodies.” Arthur’s voice was thick. “McKinnons.”

Sirius felt his knees go weak, and he grabbed on to the table for support. “No.”

“Got someone on it right now.”

Remus moved to take Sirius by the waist, holding him tight. “What about Peter? Has anyone heard from him?”

“We’ve received his patronus,” Dumbledore said after a moment. “He says he’s quite safe.”

Off in the other room, there was a cry from Lily, and Remus knew she’d just heard about the McKinnons. His heart was clenching hard in his chest, his hands trembling, but he forced himself to compartmentalise. If everyone else was about to fall apart, he had to keep it together.

“It would be best for everyone to lie low here, just for the night.” Dumbledore waved absently at a set of stairs. “Plenty of room.”

Remus tightened his grip on Sirius who was still holding the table. “Come on, love. It’s late. We should…we should get some rest.”

Sirius, who hadn’t spoken, gave a mute nod and let himself back up into Remus. They moved through the lounge, but wherever Lily and James had gone, Remus couldn’t see them. He pulled Sirius toward the stairs, and when they got up to the first floor, he poked his head into doors until he found an empty bedroom.

Giving Sirius a small push inside, Remus shut the door, set wards, then immediately crossed the distance and took Sirius into his arms. The shorter man gave one violent tremble, then his knees gave out and Remus only just managed to get him onto the bed.

“She…she’s… it’s…” Sirius’ voice was tight, trembling with fear and trauma.

“I know.” Remus eased him up onto the pillows, using his legs to kick the duvet out from under them. His hands immediately went into Sirius’ hair, petting him gently. “Love I…I’m so sorry.”

Sirius buried his face in the side of Remus’ neck, holding him in a death grip. “Why? Everyone’s dying, Moony.”

“Not everyone. I’m right here. James and Lily are here. They’re safe.” Remus pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s okay.”

“S’not though. Is it? I mean, who’s bloody next, Moony?”

Remus couldn’t answer that, so he kissed Sirius again and carded his hair until the other man finally relaxed. His breathing evened out, and after some time, he fell to sleep. Remus knew it wasn’t likely he’d be getting any sleep that night, but he could be content holding the man he loved until the sun came up.

*** 

Walking into the flat, Sirius immediately rushed back to the bedroom to change out of his robes. Remus was sitting on a chair near the window, staring out at the rain. It was coming down in heaps, and he’d meant to go to the shops but wasn’t up for braving the weather as the moon was only two nights before and both Sirius and James had been out on missions, leaving Remus to brave the transformation alone. It left him weaker and injured, but as he was still not working—requested by Dumbledore—he had nothing to do but recover.

Today, however, he’d got a letter. It was from Dumbledore requesting a meeting alone the next evening whilst Sirius was out on patrol.

“Moony, love?” Sirius called from the back room. “Can you heat the kettle?”

Remus reached for his wand and cast the spell. A moment later it whistled, and Sirius came bounding in, shaking his head a bit like Padfoot, water flying from his drenched locks. He gave Remus a wicked grin as he leant down to kiss him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Remus said, flexing his fingers. “Things knitted back together a bit wonky. Had to take a few extra potions.”

Sirius’ face fell as he backed a few steps away. “I’m so sorry. I…I tried to tell them that we couldn’t but…”

“No one’s supposed to know,” Remus finished for him. “I understand, Sirius. I’m not upset.”

“Well you should be,” Sirius muttered. He went into the kitchen, coming out a few moments later with a packet of biscuits and a mug of tea clenched in his hands. He dropped to the floor next to Remus’ thigh and leant his head on it, his mouth curved into a perfect, small ‘o’ as he blew onto the hot brew.

Remus smiled, letting his fingers drift into Sirius’ wet hair. “You know there’s charms to protect you from the rain. You don’t have to come home like a wet dog every time.”

Sirius snorted. “Yes, thank you for that, you fuck.” He gave Remus a playful nudge. “Felt good, honestly. Besides I thought it might look a bit barmy if me and Maggie were driving down a muggle street not getting wet at all.”

Remus hummed as he stroked his fingers along Sirius’ scalp. “True. So, how was your day?”

Sirius groaned as he leant into the touch. “Dreadful. Awful. The worst.”

Remus chuckled a little and increased the scalp massage. “Just disgusting, was it? Worst you’ve had in ages?”

Sirius made a keening noise in the back of his throat as he set his mug down and went up on his knees, pressing his face into the side of Remus’ neck. “Yes. It was. And I think someone should help me have a better one.”

Remus grabbed Sirius by the chin, lifting his head to kiss him soundly. “Mmm, I think that can be arranged. Tonight though. I’ve got too many pain potions in my system for me to be any good.”

Sirius scowled, but it was gentle and he sat back down, grabbing his tea again and taking a long drink. “And your day?”

Remus let out a breath. He couldn’t tell Sirius about the meeting, and it made his gut twist uncomfortably. “It was the same as usual. I sat here all by my pathetic self, missing you, of course. Just pining away and trying to survive until you could get home and pamper me.”

“Pamper you?” Sirius looked up at Remus with an amused glint in his eye. “Is that what you keep me round for?” 

Remus snickered. “That and you know…other things.”

Licking his lips, Sirius reached for a biscuit and nuzzled the side of Remus’ thigh. “Other things, hmm? Well you just tell me when those other things are ready for me.”

It was hours later, of course. Remus fixed them supper as Sirius finished off some of his Auror paper work and had a long fire-chat with Dumbledore about the next meeting. The war was going strong now, even worse than it was before. James and Lily had been attacked again by Death Eaters just round Christmas.

It was right when Lily announced she was pregnant, and in full panic mode, afraid for the safety of his wife and child, James had moved them to a new flat close to Sirius and Remus, and the protection wards were the strongest they could manage. They had emergency portkeys all over their flats, and charms which prevented anyone but approved Order members from entering each other’s homes.

After the McKinnon’s deaths, the Order went into hiding. But members were being attacked left and right and everyone seemed convinced that information was slipping through somehow. No one knew, but everyone was on edge.

“Sirius, everything’s ready,” Remus called.

Sirius poked his head round the corner, eyeing the table full of a hearty stew, and grinned. “Have I told you I love you today?”

Remus snickered as Sirius slid up, wrapping his arms round Remus’ waist and kissing him on the side of the neck. “Ah…not…not enough,” Remus breathed, his insides finally stirring for the first time that day. “But maybe we should eat first. Conserve our energy for…later?”

“Spoil sport,” Sirius breathed into his ear, but reluctantly let him go in favour of sitting down and helping himself to a massive serving.

Remus took only a bit, never a hefty appetite after the moon, but he ate enough to keep Sirius from complaining about it. “So, any updates today?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nothing new. You meant Order stuff, right?”

Remus shrugged. “Or baby stuff. She’s only got a few more months left.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but was grinning. “Not as of yet, but I told James he and Lily should come over this weekend. Dumbledore predicts we’ll have a bit of quiet, if their intelligence is correct. Thought it might be a nice change to do something relaxing. Maybe play some of those muggle games you lot enjoy so much.”

Outwardly Remus was smiling, but he wondered if he would be there. It all would depend on what Dumbledore wanted him for. “That sounds lovely. I’ll go to the shops tomorrow and make sure we have plenty to appease the pregnant one’s appetite.”

Sirius rolled his eyes with a laugh. “Yeah, Jamie said something about her latest craving being popcorn with pepper. I’m so glad I can’t have babies. Could you imagine?”

Remus shuddered, thinking about how emotional Lily had been in the beginning, and how sharp her temper was. “Merlin, no. I’m quite pleased with you as you are.”

Sirius grinned, wolfish and wonderful, sending a wave of affection coursing through Remus. “Well I quite fancy you as well, Mr Moony.”

Remus looked down, a shy smile spreading across his lips. “That’s…really good. Ahem. To hear.” When he looked up again, Sirius was staring at him, his eyes gone very dark, fists clenched on the table so hard his knuckles were white. “Er. Sirius? Are you…?”

“I should probably warn you I’m about four seconds from knocking everything off this table and pouncing on you,” he said in a gruff tone.

Remus’ eyes went wide, a flush creeping up his neck. “Oh I…I see. Well then, perhaps I should move away to avoid any…” His eyes made a slow sweep of Sirius, then of the table. “Mess.”

As he pushed his chair back, Sirius made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, then launched himself round, only knocking the table a little. Remus’ drink toppled over, but neither of them reacted. Sirius was straddling Remus in the chair, his hands gripping the sides of his face.

“How do you _do_ this to me, Re? How? I just…I look at you and I…” He let out a low growl, then captured Remus’ mouth in a searing kiss.

Letting out a muffled moan, Remus’ hands travelled up Sirius’ back, holding tight to the back of his shirt. “Merlin,” he breathed against the bruising lips. “Bedroom?”

“Mmm hell yes.” Sirius hopped off, twisting his hand into the front of Remus’ shirt, then pulled him hard and fast. Letting out a small yelp, then a giggle, Remus allowed himself to be handled down the hall and into the bedroom where he was unceremoniously flung to the bed.

Sirius was on him again, hands yanking at clothes, desperately trying to reach skin. “You’re like an addiction. The worst most best sort.” His mouth dove in to Remus’ scarred chest, tongue tracing out the lines, open lips trailing over one nipple, then the other.

“Sirius,” Remus breathed, his hand going into the dark locks. “Fuck I…oh I want you.”

Sirius looked up, capturing Remus’ gaze. “How much?”

Flushed and breathing heavy, Remus lifted his head, pulling Sirius in for a searing, desperate kiss. “More than I have ever wanted _anything_. More than a cure for my furry little problem. More than the fall of the Death Eaters. More than anything.”

Sirius’ eyes were dark and piercing. “That’s a lot of want,” he breathed.

Remus couldn’t help his laugh. “It is. It is indeed. But I can’t seem to help it, you know. Because I fucking love you.”

Sirius let out a strangled half-moan, half-sob, and kissed Remus hard. “I…” The words caught in his throat but he didn’t need to say them. Remus could feel them. He shifted his body so their hips pressed together, and he pushed up hard.

“Please,” he begged.

Sirius gulped, then nodded as he fumbled on the bedside table for lube. He wriggled the rest of the way out of his jeans as Remus undressed, and then Sirius urged him onto his side, curling into him against his back. “This okay?”

“More than,” Remus breathed.

Sirius’ fingers slipped between Remus’ crack, circling his opening, pushing one finger in. He kept his strokes light, short, until Remus let out a chest-deep moan which spurred Sirius on. He added a second finger, scissoring Remus open, then curled his finger against the spot deep inside that…

“Oh fuck me oh god please,” fell from Remus’ lips like a waterfall of need and want.

Sirius felt his prick thicken and throb as his shaking hands went back for more lube, coating himself before pressing against him. “On your knees, love,” Sirius breathed against the back of Remus’ neck.

Scrambling to comply, they shifted positions without losing too much contact, and Sirius pushed in. It was slow, Remus hissing at the burn, Sirius desperate to control his desire to thrust in and just take him hard and fast. Sirius’ hands were shaking as they held Remus by the hips, Remus with his head handing down toward the bed, elbows trembling to support himself.

But before long Sirius was in, deep enough so his pelvis was pressed against Remus’ skin, and his prick gave another throb which sent a shudder and gasp ripping out of Remus. “Oh move,” he begged. “Sirius please…”

Sirius did not need telling twice. He knew by now, after this time living together, exactly what Remus wanted. Hard, short thrusts with the angle just there so he would…

“Fuck oh god I’m going to…” Remus’ fingers were twisted hard in the sheets as he fucked back hard and desperate. Sirius let out a choked laugh, which was taken over by a moan as he reached round and began to stroke Remus’ cock in his slippery, warm fist.

It only took a few strokes before Remus was babbling, shaking, and coming all over the sheets. He tensed reflexively and the moment he shuddered with the last of his release, Sirius was letting go of his own, thrusting sharply against Remus’ arse as he emptied himself.

Matched breathing filled the air, boneless limbs falling over, unmindful of sticky spots or who landed where. Sirius sprawled out on his back, and Remus tucked himself into his lover’s side, his face resting in the curve of Sirius’ neck.

“Merlin that was…wow.”

Remus laughed. “Yes, it was.” One shaking hand went up to Sirius’ hair and stroked through the locks there. “I love you. So damn much.”

Sirius shifted, turning to capture Remus in a very soft, careful kiss. “Oh I know you do. And I love you too. Sometimes…sometimes it’s easy to forget how…” Sirius cleared his throat. “I mean with everything happening. It’s…” He shook his head, not really having the words for it. “But every time I look at you, I remember what we’re fighting for.”

Remus closed his eyes and for a second, he was back in the Hogwarts dorm listening to Peter tell him that Sirius only ever wanted to fight for himself. Himself, Remus, and James. But that’s not what Remus had seen over the long year and a half they’d been in the trenches. Sirius had thrown himself out there on the front lines to protect everything they held dear.

With a breath, he held Sirius closer. “I know, love. I really do. Just know that whenever it’s over, whatever happens, I’ll be here waiting to take you in my arms again and remind you.”

“Promise?” Sirius asked, his voice muffled by Remus’ skin.

Remus tightened his hold just a fraction more. “I promise.”

*** 

Some days there was a lull in fighting. Others, the attacks were so vicious the Order thought there was no way they were going to win. In mid-May the Dark Lord launched an attack, a magically modified plague of Dragon Pox. Dumbledore and the Order hurried to pass out potions to prevent infections, but scores of witches and wizards succumbed to the plague before it could be stopped.

Remus and Sirius were at home one late Saturday evening when their floo roared green, and James stepped through. Sirius began to smile until he saw the look on James’ face, and the quaking in his knees. The pair were instantly on their feet, Sirius the first to reach his best friend.

“What? God…who?” Sirius breathed.

James looked like he was trying to speak, but all that came out was a muffled groan. His eyes were wide, heavy with tears, and his head was shaking. “M…” He took a breath. “Mum and dad,” he finally managed, and when the words rang out, he collapsed to his knees and shook with sobs.

“No,” Sirius breathed. His face was blank, white with shock. “No. I…”

James’ fingers were clenched into fists on the floor, and he shook his head. “Someone intercepted their owl with the potions. It never…it never got there. They didn’t even know.” He let out a frustrated growl, and then punched the floor. “Why is this happening!”

Sirius was still unable to react, so Remus jumped in and knelt in front of James, taking him by the face. “James,” he said in a very soft tone. “James, please.”

Blinking his eyes up, they met Remus’ gold ones and he immediately calmed. “I…Moony I’m sorry.”

Remus’ fingers ghosted down James’ face, careful and tender. “I’m sorry,” he breathed.

James nodded, then launched himself at Remus and let the werewolf hold him tight and firm as he grieved. Sirius joined them once he processed it, and much like they had years before at Hogwarts when things were terrible, the three of them curled up together and slept.

Come morning, Lily had sent an owl making sure everyone was okay, and Remus used the floo to let her know that he’d be sending James back soon. 

“Just…keep him as long as he needs you,” she said. She was curled up on their sofa, a mug of tea in one hand, her other stroking her ever-increasing belly. “There are times when I think he just really needs you and Sirius more than me.”

“Lily…”

She shook her head. “I get it. I’ve always known. I was there all seven years, remember.”

Remus gave her a small nod. “But you come through if you need us.”

She waved him off. “Go.”

Remus pulled back, returning to the bedroom where Sirius was just starting to wake. His grey eyes opened, blinking against the harsh morning light. “Time’s it?”

“Just gone eight.” Remus sat down and stroked hair away from Sirius’ forehead. He glanced over at James who was still breathing steady and even in his sleep. “Merlin, I’m so sorry.”

Sirius’ jaw clenched, and he nodded. “I am too. They were…I mean…”

“I know. They loved you. You loved them.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ forehead. “Hold him, okay? I’ll go fix some breakfast and then we’ll…”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. He turned away from Remus to snake his arm back round James, and the taller man muttered in his sleep, then nuzzled closer.

Feeling a warmth in his chest, Remus smiled and went off to do whatever he could to make it easier. But he knew it was going to get worse. The meeting with Dumbledore told him everything he needed to know about his role in this war.

“We need you to infiltrate the werewolves. Not the direct Death Eaters,” Dumbledore said. “Not yet. But…I need someone on the inside.”

Remus felt his gut clenching. “They know, Albus. They know about my friendship with James. Everyone knows.”

“Then you’ll have to be convincing, won’t you.”

Remus let out a breath, shaking his head. “You overestimate my abilities.”

“Oh, Mr Lupin, after seven long years of seeing your abilities, I don’t believe I do.” His eyes twinkled. “We have intelligence, but it’s shoddy at best. We’ve reason to believe we have a spy in the Order, and things are…” Albus stopped, his head shaking. “If we are not careful, we are going to lose this war.”

The thought of what that would mean for everyone he loved shook him to his core. “Alright. Tell me when.”

And Dumbledore had.

Remus had met with the wolves on full moons. Albus had strategically—against all of Sirius and James’ protests—scheduled the Aurors for out of country missions on each one. And Remus had taken to turning with the other wolves. They didn’t trust him, not yet. Their loyalties were not secured on one side or the other, but Remus knew it was only a matter of time before Albus asked him to go into the wolf world further. To seek out others. Greyback. A name that still shook him to his core, and it was only a matter of when Albus said the word, and Remus knew he would not be allowed to refuse.

But for now, he could forget about that. For now he could fry up bacon and eggs, make toast and some tea with milk and sugar. He could bring these small comforts to the people he loved as they suffered in ways they did not deserve. And the darkness ahead could be forgotten, in these quiet moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, the birth of Harry, the Godfathers babysit, there's a spy in the Order, and the Prophecy is revealed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I might have rushed this chapter a bit--just because I really really hate the angst when Sirius believed Remus was the spy. Also I know it kind of ends on a tense note, but the next chapter will have immediate resolutions so you shouldn't have to wait long.

Sirius came bursting through the front door, his hair flying every which way, his hand shaking. Remus, who was curled up on the sofa with a book perched on his knee, was up in an instant. His heart hammered hard against his chest. “Sirius… what?”

“He’s here,” Sirius gasped, grabbing on to the back of their armchair for support. “He’s…he’s here!”

Remus started to reach for his wand, panicked. Death Eaters? The Dark Lord? Who? “Sirius,” he stressed.

Sirius was crossing the room, grabbing him by the wrists. “Remus! The baby!”

The entire mood shifted and Remus went from petrified to both elated and absolutely terrified because oh fuck, the baby. “He’s…Lily’s…”

“James called me on the mirror,” Sirius said, all but bouncing. “Come on! She had to have him at home because…you know…” He waved his hand in Remus’ face and seemed almost drunk. “We’ve got to Apparate now. Come _on_.”

Remus was bodily shoved into the bedroom, then Sirius had his arm and was doing the apparating for him. Remus kept his grip firm, Sirius’ excitement giving him a very real fear that he would get splinched. But soon they were standing at the edge of a street just outside London in a quaint neighbourhood.

The Potters had moved several times to avoid attacks by the Death Eaters. Three times they’d been targeted, and three times it had been near misses. But so far this place had been good to them, and he now had his hand in Sirius’ and they were tearing up the street.

Coming to a skidding halt just at the garden gate, Sirius used his wand in a pattern, allowing the wards to adjust to them, and after a second they burst in and Sirius was throwing the door open. “James!”

A second later, a messy head poked round the corner and he gave Sirius a firm glower. “Shhh. He’s just fallen to sleep. Merlin he cries a lot.” James looked petrified, running his hand through his hair as he stepped up to his best friends. “Did anyone ever tell you babies cry? A lot?”

Remus chuckled, then abandoned all pretences and yanked James in hard for a hug. “James, love, I have no experience with babies at all and even I know they cry a fair amount.”

James laughed, then grabbed Remus by the face and planted a wet, sloppy kiss on his mouth. “I’m a dad, Moony!”

Remus felt something hot and fuzzy and wobbly settling in his belly at the sight of James’ face. He was spun round, then left abandoned for Sirius who got the same treatment.

“Well, where is he? Where’s my godson?” Sirius demanded.

James took them both by the hand, then walked them quietly up the stairs, down the hall, and into their bedroom. Lily was there, dozing on a pile of pillows, and beside the bed was a small cot where a baby cocooned in blankets sat.

“Merlin,” Sirius breathed, sounding both awed and afraid. “James he looks like you.”

It was true. Harry shared his dad’s same dark skin and wild hair. His mouth was puckered, suckling on his own tongue, and his nose looked a bit squashed, though Remus reckoned that was from the birth.

“When did he arrive?”

“Last night. Just gone midnight and there he was. Lily was…” James looked over at his wife who hadn’t stirred. “Merlin, she was a bloody warrior. She was…” James voice went tense and choked. “Then there he was all…well horrifying, really. Covered in all sorts of…of stuff. And wailing those tiny lungs out and then he just sort of went quiet. He was quite hideous.”

“James, for the love of Merlin please stop insulting our new-born,” Lily said, her voice hoarse, her eyes refusing to open.

James gave her a sheepish smile in spite of the fact she wasn’t looking at him. “Sorry, love.”

Remus, deciding if no one else was going to move, pulled himself free of James’ hand and crept round the side of the bed. He peered down at the sleeping babe, but knew better than to wake him, so instead leant on the side of the bed and kissed Lily’s forehead.

“Hallo, love.”

Lily peered one eye at him, and grinned. “Hey Re. How are you?”

He chuckled. “Same as ever.” He stroked her hair and smiled as Sirius and James then joined her on the bed. “So James says you’re a warrior.”

“Too right, I am.” She winced as she turned onto her back a bit, attempted to raise her head, but gave up after a second and flopped back down. “Fifteen hours, he took. Fifteen. This child is going to owe me.”

Sirius laughed as he cuddled up to her side and wrapped a very ginger arm round her middle. “Don’t worry, love. He’s got us, you know. To keep him in line.”

Lily gave a large snort. “Oh please, I know what you lot get up to even now. With that influence, I’m doomed.”

Just then, as if on cue, Harry began to squirm and mewl. Lily groaned and started to sit up, but James held a hand up. “No, let me.”

Lily smiled a little. “He’s not let me get up once yet.”

James carefully reached down, picking up Harry with a gingerness of something that might explode if not handled properly, and cuddled him into the crook of his arm. Sirius and Remus watched, both awed, both transformed inside by the way James looked at the baby.

Remus felt his eyes prickle and he looked away. “Oh hell.”

“Don’t get me started, Moony,” Sirius demanded, his voice suspiciously thick.

“Oh Merlin, you two,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “James, you getting the nappy?”

“Changing it now, love.” James laid a loudly protesting Harry down and began the work of getting him clean.

Remus watched, and Sirius looked almost mesmerised. “How’d you learn to do that?” Sirius wondered.

James peered over his shoulder. “Oh those midwives showed me. It’s really easy. You’ll be working it out in no time.”

Sirius spluttered. “Me? Nappies…oh Jamie, my sweet love of my life…I don’t think so.”

“I do,” Lily said, giving Sirius a swat on the arm. “Who else’s going to watch the baby so James and I can get up to our own naughty things?”

Harry went quiet once he was dry and sorted back into his blanket, then James turned and fixed his eyes on the couple. “Who’s first?”

“Oh, Moony is,” Sirius said, sounding almost panicked. “I’m not…I mean, it’s me. And a baby…and…”

“Don’t be a twat, Sirius,” Remus admonished. “You’re his godfather for Merlin’s sake. Hold your godson.”

“You’re just as good as,” Sirius protested, but James was listening to Remus and crossing to the side of the bed where Sirius sat looking like he’d just ingested a tub full of flobberworms. His hands were shaking as James, refusing to take no for an answer, carefully eased the baby into Sirius’ arms.

“See, it’s not so hard. Just mind the head,” James said, holding Sirius’ elbow up just a little higher.

Harry squirmed a bit, before settling. “Oh,” Sirius breathed, and his eyes were suspiciously glassy. “Merlin oh. He’s all…squashy and small. He’s so small.” Grey eyes looked up at Remus. “You’ve got to try this, Moons.”

Remus laughed. “Looking forward to it, love.”

Sirius smiled at Remus, then looked down at the baby who was still asleep. “Well look at you, tiny thing. Just look at you. Giving your mum all those strange cravings and making her belly swell so large I swear she would burst. Then fifteen long hours of torture. Not sure she’ll ever let you forget that, small one.”

Lily was smiling, leaning against Remus now. “He’s going to be good at this,” she said very softly as Sirius stood up and began to walk a small circle near the bed. “You two should think about getting one of your own.”

Remus choked a bit. “Er. Not sure that’s in our cards, Lils.”

“Listen, I have a womb,” Lily said, nodding. “Not that I’d enjoy being farmed out but for you two…” She pulled him in for a snuggle. “Wake me when he needs to eat, okay?”

After a little while, Sirius turned to Remus and nodded his head toward him. “Come here and hold this baby. He needs to bond with all of his parents.”

“Oh Merlin,” Remus said, but James was laughing as he rose, easing the transition from Sirius’ arms to Remus’ who felt the weight of the small baby heavy and sudden. His arms for a second, threatened to fail him, but he took a breath and tightened his grip, and Harry only squirmed for a moment before settling into Remus’ chest.

“Oh he likes you,” James said, giving a solemn nod. 

Remus felt his throat tighten and he cleared it. “How can you tell?”

“Well by his face, of course. I mean look at him. I think I know my own son’s expressions.”

Remus snorted. “You’ve only known him a few hours.”

“Oh semantics,” James said. He fluffed Harry’s fuzzy hair, then settled down on the bed next to Sirius. Lily had fallen back to sleep against the pillows, and Remus stood there with the small babe cradled in his arms.

“He’s lovely,” Remus said after a moment. The baby was breathing steady and even, unaware of the darkness around him. Unaware that the man holding him once a month was a feral monster and unbeknownst to the people he loved, running round with others who would be easily considered cruel murderers. All on Orders for the greater good. This young, innocent thing had no idea of the horrors that could face him. All he knew were these warm arms and four people who had only known him a matter of hours and yet loved him like they had never loved before.

“He is, isn’t he?” Sirius said in a breathy tone. He put his arm round James and kissed his face gently. “You and Lily made something amazing, James. I can’t even…I just…fuck I love him so much.”

Remus eased himself into the arm chair by the bed, then took his free hand and touched Harry’s cheek, then his small nose, then the tiny clenched fist which opened then closed hard round his fingers. He could hardly stop the stray tear from his right eye as the baby squeezed hard and his mouth bubbled a little with a protruding tongue.

“Oh,” he breathed.

James was watching them carefully, an expression Remus couldn’t read. “You’ll…I mean you’ll be round a lot won’t you? I know Dumbledore’s been keeping us busy but…He needs to know you both. Please. If anything…I mean anything could happen at any time and he needs to know you.”

Sirius held on to James tighter. “Wild, rabid hippogriffs couldn’t keep us away, James. Nothing could stop me from being right here.”

James let out a shaking breath, then nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s just…things have been…” He didn’t continue and Remus just tightened his hold on the baby.

“We know,” Sirius said very quietly. “Merlin James, we know.”

*** 

“He’s big now,” Sirius said as they walked in through their front door. “He’s like…doubled in size.” He flung his cloak onto a kitchen chair and stretched his arms up toward the ceiling.

Remus, with a wry grin, set his wand and cloak down on the table. “Well yes. He is. Babies tend to do that you know, when they get older.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but crossed the distance between them and gripped the front of Remus’ shirt and yanked him in for a kiss. “Thank you for patronising me.”

Remus stroked his fingers down Sirius’ cheek. “Oh love, you know I’m joking.”

Sirius pouted until Remus kissed him again. “I almost never see you. I got hexed last week and this is how you repay me? Mockery?”

Remus dipped his head down into the crook of Sirius’ neck and kissed him along the skin there, hot and needy. “How can I make it up to you?” he murmured.

Sirius keened, pressing his hips closer to Remus. “I don’t know. This is an excellent start, though.”

Remus’ grin went a bit feral as he slipped his hands under Sirius’ shirt and began to stroke his long fingers up warm skin along his ribs. “You know, it’s almost your birthday. Which means it’s almost your unbirthday. I’ve been thinking of a few…” Remus let out a small hiss as Sirius sucked on the sensitive spot right under his ear. “A few ways to…unf…celebrate. _Sirius_.”

“Hmm?” he asked right against Remus’ skin. “You were saying? Ways to celebrate?”

With a low growl, Remus spun him and shoved him back up against the table. Sirius plonked back with his arse on the edge, letting out a surprised laugh which turned into a moan as Remus cupped his erection through his jeans and massaged just hard enough.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped. “Re…”

Spurred on, Remus freed Sirius’ erection from the jeans, then dropped to his knees. He dragged his hands along the fabric over Sirius’ thighs as he leant his head down, blowing hot air across the throbbing prick.

“Oh Merlin…are you going to…”

“I am,” Remus murmured, then took the cock into his hands, licking a long stripe from base to tip. He swirled his tongue round the cockhead and then, as Sirius bucked his hips hard, took the entire length in. Having had a year and a half of practise, Remus knew what his lover liked. He knew the right speed, the right way to hold his tongue. He knew to drag his nails up and down Sirius’ thighs as he hollowed his cheeks and sucked and sucked.

Sirius was letting out mewling sobs as his hips moved, his hands scrambling into Remus’ loose, tawny curls. “I’m…fuck I’m going to…”

Remus hummed hard.

“Shit fuck god oh my god Re…” A stream of curses then fell from his lips as Sirius threw his head back and let go.

Sucking down every drop, Remus pulled himself away, grinning as he put himself between Sirius’ legs and feathered light kisses across his face. Sirius grabbed on to the front of Remus’ shirt and dragged him in for a slow, languid kiss.

“Mmm, fuck. That was so good.”

Remus grinned against Sirius’ mouth. “Indeed.”

“You want me to return the favour?” Sirius dragged his hands up and down Remus’ arms.

“Maybe later, yeah? At bedtime. I just…wanted to give something to you.”

Sirius took a breath, buried his face in the front of Remus’ shirt, then let it out. “Merlin I love you so much.”

Remus thread his fingers into Sirius’ long hair and held him tight. “I know, Pads. I love you too.”

*** 

Walking through the door, Remus limped into the kitchen, and was startled when he saw Sirius there. His lover had a cup of tea between his hands, and looked a bit harassed and wind-blown. There was a vicious red mark on his cheek, and dark circles under his eyes.

“I thought you were on a mission,” Remus said.

Sirius nodded. “Was. Thwarted by Death Eaters.” He absently rubbed at the mark on his cheek. “You er…just getting back?”

Remus felt his throat tighten, and he cleared it. “I stayed on a bit. Rough one, this moon.”

Sirius winced. “I went to the farm,” he said slowly. “Thought since I was done early we could run together but you weren’t there.”

Remus fought back a blush. He’d never been good at lying to his friends. Others, yes. But Sirius… Even at Hogwarts when he was trying to convince him and James his mum was poorly he’d done a shit job of it. “Dumbledore asked me to meet with him, and it was too close to moonrise so he found a place for me.”

Sirius’ eyes flashed something akin to disbelieving, but it was gone as quickly as it came. He pushed himself from the table and walked over to Remus’, taking his lover’s face in his hands. “Can I get you anything?”

Remus sagged a little, waving a hand toward their cabinets. “Pain potion would be lovely.”

Sirius eased Remus onto the sofa, pulling the afghan Molly Weasley had knitted them, and threw it over his lover’s legs. “Tea?”

Remus nodded, looking up almost shyly. “That would be wonderful.”

Sirius stroked his hand down Remus’ cheek, then went off to heat the kettle. When he returned, he had two phials of potion, and a mug of something herbal and floral. Remus downed the disgusting stuff first, then took the warm mug between his hands and sipped it. “Merlin, this is exactly what I needed.”

Sirius settled onto the floor near Remus’ shoulders and leant his head on the cushion. “Haven’t been able to take care of you after a moon in…ages. I’ve been begging Albus to at least give me time off sometimes, but…”

Remus let one hand fall into Sirius’ hair. “I know. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine though.” Sirius’ voice was heavy and thick. He turned his head to face Remus. “I feel like I never see you. We never talk. Christmas is coming up and…I wanted…” He took a breath. “I saw Pete yesterday, we chatted a bit. Then James invited us all over to theirs to celebrate.”

“I assumed we would be. Harry’s first and all.” Remus was confused by Sirius’ tone, but didn’t call attention to it.

“So you’ll be there? You’ll…I mean…” Sirius blinked grey eyes up at him. “You want to?”

“Sirius,” Remus said, trying to sit up a little, but his aching bones refused to let him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I dunno.” Sirius rubbed his face. “Pete just mentioned how you’re never at the meetings anymore. How you’ve just been off on your own or here. He was just wondering if…if you wanted to be part of this.”

Remus felt his chest tighten. “I know I haven’t seen Peter in ages,” he said slowly, “but it’s not anything personal. I can only do so much thanks to my fucking furry little problem. I can’t…I can’t work with you and James and…Merlin, Pads, I’m doing my damned best here.”

Sirius’ expression flickered, then he turned and was up on his knees. “You still love me, right?”

In spite of his aching body, Remus sat up and pulled Sirius up with him, holding him tight. “There is not a force in this universe, Sirius, that could make me stop loving you. You, James, Lily, Harry. Even Peter. Hell, everyone we’ve been putting our lives on the line for. Do you understand that?”

Sirius bowed his head and nuzzled into the side of Remus’ neck. “M’sorry. It’s just…”

“We’re at war,” Remus finished for him. “We’ve become soldiers, killers, most of it against our will. We always knew it was never going to be easy.”

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed. He nestled in closer. “I’m scared, Re. I’m scared all the time now. It feels like a losing battle.”

Remus thread his fingers between Sirius’ and held tight. “I know. But we’re not going to lose. I have to have faith that we’re fighting hard because we’re going to win. I’ll never give up on you. On any of you.”

“Promise?” Sirius muttered.

“On my life.”

*** 

Three days later, James’ head appeared in the fireplace and he looked shattered. Remus was on the sofa reading, Sirius dozing in the armchair, but he woke the moment the head popped in. “Oy lads.”

“Prongsie!” Sirius’ voice was thick with sleep, but he was scrubbing his eyes. “Alright, mate?”

“Yeah we’re fine. I just…had a favour.”

Remus took one look at his best friend, then laughed. “You want us to take Harry a few hours?”

James’ face melted into a grin. “Could you? Merlin it would be… he just… I love the little sprog but I haven’t had ten minutes of peace for the last five days.”

“Bring him over. Far as we know, it’s a free weekend for us.” Remus sat up a bit. “Listen, why not bring his things, yeah? Sirius and I can handle one night with him.”

Sirius looked somewhat dubious, but James, desperate for some sort of break, was nearly bouncing on top of the flames. “Honestly?”

“Yes,” Remus said, nodding. “Moon’s not until next month and I’m recovered.” He looked over at Sirius who seemed a bit pale. “Right, love?”

Sirius blinked, then nodded. “Right. Yes.”

“I’ll tell Lily. Merlin I love you both so much.” With a pop, the head was gone.

Sirius rounded on Remus. “Are you mad? Overnight? What the hell do we know about taking care of a baby overnight?”

“Well I took care of you lot for seven years so…”

Sirius shut him up by flinging his pillow. “It’s different, you tosser.”

“Not much. We play with him, feed him, change him, rock him.”

“He’ll be up all sodding night crying,” Sirius warned.

“Like we didn’t get up to enough all nighters,” Remus countered.

“Yes, but for other reasons,” Sirius stressed.

“Stop being ridiculous. You love Harry.”

Sirius grumbled, but stomped off to the loo and Remus put his book away. Twenty minutes later there was a knock on his door, and he answered it. James was stood there with a grinning Harry against his shoulder. He was near to five months now, and was much bigger and more lively than he had been.

“Lily’s a bit nervous,” James said as he stepped in, “but I think she fancies the idea of sleep more.”

“We’re well protected,” Remus reminded him. He held out his hands for the baby and James transferred him over. Remus had minded Harry a few times when James and Lily had been called on to smaller missions for the Order. Harry was well acquainted with the werewolf and nestled up against Remus’ shoulder the moment he was passed over.

“I know,” James said, ruffling his hair. “And she knows. He’s been crying a lot though, mind. All sodding night.”

That was evident by the dark circles under James’ eyes. “We’ll be fine, James. Sirius and I can suffer loss of sleep for one night.” He bounced Harry a little who let out a small, tiny laugh.

James smiled and leant over to press a kiss first to Remus’ cheek, then to Harry’s. “Where’s Sirius?”

“Here,” Sirius said as he strolled into the lounge. He swept up behind Remus, poking his face round Remus’ shoulder to make Harry grin. “Moony’s right. We’ll be just fine.” He grabbed Harry from Remus and held him up. “Won’t we? We’ll only get up to a little hijinks. Maybe rob a bank or take Maggie for a spin.”

“Sirius Black you will not be putting my son on that…”

“He won’t,” Remus said, taking James’ arm. “We’ll be sat on the sofa reading him stories and doing absolutely nothing illegal.”

“Ever the prefect, isn’t he?” Sirius said to Harry, sticking out his bottom lip. “Always just a soggy bit of toast. When you’re older we’ll be doing loads of things. I’ll pass on all my knowledge to you.”

James rolled his eyes. “Merlin forbid.” Then he gave a huge yawn and Remus shoved him toward the door. “Go on. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Morning,” James corrected.

Sirius scoffed. “Listen, take advantage of giving your son a godfather and have a bloody lie-in.”

“Sirius, language,” Remus chastised.

“Remus,” Sirius said, mocking his lover’s tone, “he’s not been alive five full months yet.”

“Yes, but at this age they’re like sponges. You want his first words to be vile?”

“Well yes, a bit,” Sirius argued.

James let out an exasperated breath, but allowed Remus to shove him again toward the door. “You know where we are. If you need us.”

“And we won’t, so don’t worry your pretty head.” Remus pulled James in for a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Love you, and love to Lily. Go rest.”

James shook his head. “Too lucky, we are. Love you both. Be good, Harry,” he called over his shoulder, then with a loud crack, he was gone.

Remus shut the door and turned back to Sirius who was sat on the sofa with Harry on his knee, bouncing lightly to make the small boy giggle. “So, just the three of us.”

Sirius grinned up at Remus. “Playing at house. You know this could be us one day, Moony. A baby of our own. Being all…domestic. I can see it in your face, makes your knees all wobbly, doesn’t it?”

Remus settled onto the floor near the sofa and reached out to tickle Harry’s toes. “I’m not adverse to the idea, no. Maybe not now. With everything so…” He trailed off, letting his hand slip down to Sirius’ ankle where he gave it a squeeze. “But I could see it.”

There was something softer in Sirius’ eyes now, as they locked gazes. Then Harry gave a loud hiccup and dribbled all over his hand and Sirius laughed. “Well I’m not so sure Harry likes the idea.”

“He just takes after you,” Remus said, using his thumb to mop up Harry’s chin. He took the baby from Sirius so the other man could clean himself off. “He just likes all the attention to himself. Don’t you, sprog?”

Harry gave Remus a very toothless, wet grin and Remus felt something warm settling into him. He fucking loved this child. He loved the man now settling next to him. He loved James and Lily who were hopefully settling into a shag and sleep uninterrupted. He loved Peter, wherever he was—as afraid as he was. He would fight for this. He would give everything he had to walk away and have his happy ending. They’d been fighting for so long now, it was only fair. They deserved it.

*** 

March- 1980

Remus woke from his sleep and rolled over, but the other side of the bed was empty and cold. Sirius hadn’t come home that night. Not that he blamed him. Not entirely. Things had been more than tense. The Death Eater attacks were only increasing. Something was on the horizon, and Remus didn’t know what.

He was now being asked to meet with the Death Eater wolves, though he hadn’t got into the pack yet. But it meant more secrets. It meant leaving during the week and not telling Sirius. It meant not being home when Sirius got there, and not being able to tell him why.

It meant Dumbledore not giving Sirius answers either.

“If there was anything I had to worry about, you would tell me, right?” Sirius had asked not two nights ago.

Remus bowed his head. “I would tell you anything I could. But I’m not the only one on secret missions, Sirius, and you know it.”

Sirius’ jaw went tense, but he gave Remus a curt nod. “I suppose.”

He was leaving that night and wouldn’t be back the rest of the week. Remus watched him pack, watched as he slipped on his cloak and put his wand in his pocket before taking steps to the door. He didn’t kiss Remus goodbye, but he did turn. “You know I love you, right?”

Remus nodded, his eyes growing hot. “I know,” he whispered.

“You’d tell me if…”

“I love you, Sirius,” Remus said, interrupting, because he didn’t want to lie to another question.

Sirius’ eyes flickered, dropped, and then he was gone.

Swinging his legs over the bed, Remus eased himself to the floor and didn’t bother with a dressing gown as he padded to the kitchen for tea. There wasn’t much in the way of food, so he made toast, sitting at the table with his small jar of jam and felt an ache in his chest that had been there since the new year. Since Dumbledore started asking more of him. Since he could feel his friends and his lover slipping.

Trying to shake himself out of it, he finished his tea and rose for a shower when he heard it. A tapping at the window. Frowning, he saw an owl perched there on the ledge. Remus didn’t recognise the bird, nor did he recognise the letter it was holding, but he knew what it was.

Everyone in the wizarding world knew. The black envelope with the red seal. A post-mortem delivery, spelled to reach a person should the writer of said letter meet their end.

Remus felt his heart constrict because who was it for? Who could it have been? He hadn’t heard from Sirius in two days now and…no. No. I couldn’t…wouldn’t be…

Crossing the room, he rushed to the window, wrenched it open, and the letter floated in. The bird was gone and the letter was in his hands. The gold writing on the front read Sirius Black.

It wasn’t for him, then. It wasn’t from Sirius, it was for him. Which meant he was safe.

Remus felt his stomach twist and he knew he had to try and find his lover. Running for his robes, he tucked the letter away and ran for the alley beside their building. With a crack, he disappeared, reappearing right outside of the Order Headquarters.

He was let in immediately, and went to the kitchen where he was surprised to find James, Peter, and Arthur Weasley talking. They went quiet the moment he stepped in, but James’ eyes lit up.

“Moony!”

“Er. I was hoping to find Sirius.”

Peter and James exchanged a look. “He’s out on a mission,” James finally said. “Didn’t he…tell you?”

Remus nodded. “He did but…” He let out a breath.

Arthur cleared his throat. “I’ll let you lads sort this out. Just going to give my report to Albus.” Then he was gone and Remus was alone with his two best friends.

“There was a letter.” Remus pulled it from his pocket and set it on the counter.

James eyed it, his mouth drawing into a thin line. “For Sirius?”

Remus nodded. “Showed up about fifteen minutes ago. At our flat.” 

James and Peter both came round the counter, and James put his arm on Remus’ shoulder. “It’s Regulus.”

Remus blinked, out of surprise and confusion, then looked between Peter and James. “How do you know?”

“Reports. He…did something. Betrayed the Dark Lord,” Peter said slowly. “They haven’t been able to locate his body but…”

“Does Sirius know?” Remus demanded.

James squeezed his shoulder harder. “Not yet. He’s not due back until Wednesday.”

“Though you know he’ll be back if he hears sooner,” Peter put in.

Remus swallowed and bowed his head. “I haven’t opened it, obviously. I’m…I’m not sure whatever Reg has to say will be good for Sirius. I’m worried.”

James nodded. “Let me tell Albus, yeah? See what he wants us to do with it?”

Remus thought that was the worst idea. Albus was fixated on the end game, to win the war. And not that Remus blamed him, but it didn’t seem to matter who got hurt in the process. But who was he to defy their leader. So he let James take the letter.

“You okay, Remus?” Peter asked, his voice careful and slow.

Remus took a breath, then smiled. “Yeah, mate. I’m…” He stopped and let out a laugh. “Actually no. I’m not entirely okay. Things with Sirius are strained. All this fucking…this fighting. He’s been gone so much.”

Peter nodded. “He’s been acting a bit…different.”

Remus’ eyes snapped up. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Peter said quickly. “I mean, it’s just…I’ve noticed a change. Haven’t you?”

Remus felt his hands shake and he hid them in his pockets. “I think we all have a bit, haven’t we?” Then he smiled at his friend. “Well, not you much. Ever the steady one amongst us.”

Peter gave him a smile. “I wouldn’t say that. I mean, it’s taken a toll on all of us.”

Remus let out a breath, then pulled Peter in for a hug. “I know, mate. And I’m sorry I haven’t been the best friend lately. It’s…Dumbledore’s…”

Peter shifted, uncomfortable with the affection as he always had been, but Remus kept a hold on him anyway. “I know. We’ve all got our orders.”

Remus sighed, then looked up quickly as James entered the room. “Well?”

“He says it’s okay to pass it along.” James started to hand the letter back but Remus shook his head and James frowned. “Don’t you think you should…?”

“You’ll see him before I do, most likely,” Remus said in a rush. He dropped his arm from Peter’s shoulder and placed both hands on the counter. “And we’ve been…it’s been…tense. Between us.”

James’ eyes went pained a bit. “Once this is over…”

“I know,” Remus stressed. “I do. I know, and he knows, but right now it’s difficult.”

The kitchen door opened, and a bright head of red hair poked round the corner. Smiling, Lily stepped in when she saw Remus, Harry on her hip. “Moony! I thought I heard you.”

Harry was grinning, reaching out, and in spite of Remus’ tense mood, he immediately opened his arms out for the baby.

“Hallo, Haz,” Remus said, pushing his nose into Harry’s cheek, making the baby laugh.

“He’s been whinging for you,” Lily complained, but she was smiling as she walked over and leant her shoulder up against Peter. “Hasn’t he?”

Peter laughed. “Well he certainly whinges enough. Gets that from his dad, I reckon.”

“Oy, I resent that,” James complained, but he was smiling.

Remus bounced Harry on his hip. “Well I can stay a little bit, yeah?” He grinned when Harry leant his head down on his shoulder. “How’s he been?”

“Oh good. Sleeping better, though I think he misses his nights over with his godparents.”

Remus felt his stomach tense a little. It had been three months since they’d had Harry over. “Soon enough, yeah? When things are calmer.”

“Of course,” Lily said. “He’s gotten to see Uncle Wormy a bit though lately, since he’s had fewer out of country missions.”

Peter smiled, but it was tense. “Absolutely. Though never been a good mix, me and babies.”

James laughed, reaching over to clap Peter on the shoulder. “Don’t sell yourself short, mate. You were always the level one in our dorm. Fewest detentions, least house points lost.”

“Which the three of you well made up for,” Peter countered. “But I reckon if James can do the baby thing, anyone can.”

Remus smiled as he tickled the side of Harry’s face. “Well it’s good to see everyone.”

Harry yawned and closed his eyes, his weight getting heavier in his arms. He rocked the baby from side to side, and remembered months before when he and Sirius had talked—nothing concrete but still—and they’d mentioned having this. A baby. A home. A proper family. Lily had once offered to surrogate.

Now what where they? Where were they?

Feeling his throat tense up, Remus was almost glad of Albus popping into the kitchen to call him out. “Do you mind if I borrow him?”

James scowled, but took Harry from his arms. “Don’t slip out without a good bye, okay?”

“Promise,” Remus whispered, then followed Albus out for his next mission.

Turns out, Albus had an in for him. With Greyback. And he was to be there the full moon next.

*** 

The week before the moon, the week before Remus was to face the monster who took joy and pride in biting him and taking away what little chance he had to live a normal life, Sirius returned. Remus was packing, the mission planning to take at least a week, and he looked up in surprise when the door opened and Sirius walked in.

He looked tired, but he’d looked much worse in the past. Eyeing the case, he leant on the doorframe and crossed his arms. “Leaving?”

“Albus asked me to take on a mission.”

“And I suppose this one is also a secret.”

Remus let out a sigh. “It’s not just mine that are being kept under wraps, Sirius. As you know perfectly well.”

Sirius licked his lips, then glanced away. “Yes well…” He walked into the room, but his footsteps faltered and he stopped. “James gave me the letter.”

Remus blinked. “The letter?”

“The post-mortem delivery.”

Remus had seen Sirius only a handful of times since they learnt about Regulus’ death, and Sirius hadn’t brought it up once. Not once. Remus assumed that Sirius was shot of him if he hadn’t even asked for comfort from the man who loved him. But he also remembered Peter saying Sirius had been behaving strangely.

“Oh,” Remus said after a moment. “Right. I thought he’d done that ages ago.”

“He did. Last month. Said you came by Headquarters looking for me. Only you knew I wouldn’t be there.”

Remus licked his lips. “I knew. I thought maybe it was best James give it to you.”

“Why’s that?” Sirius quirked an eyebrow at him which screamed volumes of accusations.

“You’ve been hacked off at me. We hardly speak. You and James work together constantly. I can’t imagine how you felt hearing Reg died so…”

Sirius threw up his hands, letting out a growl. “You didn’t think I’d want…” Turning, he plonked himself down on the bed, shoving the case away from him. “What the hell happened to us, Re?”

Remus flinched at the nickname. “The war? Albus? Fucking everything that’s been tearing us to bits since we met?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You always do that.”

Remus looked away. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Running a hand down his face, Sirius pulled the letter out of his pocket and set it on his knee. “I haven’t opened it.” He stopped when Remus looked over, surprise evident on his face. “I didn’t want to read whatever he said without…” Sirius took a breath. “I didn’t want to do it alone.”

“James and Peter were both there.”

“James is busy trying to keep his family safe,” Sirius said through clenched teeth. “And Peter is a git. I mean, he’s been good lately, and he’s one of my best friends but he’s not…”

“Me,” Remus finished for him.

“I don’t know what’s happening with you. Where you go, why you won’t talk to me. Why we haven’t touched in months. I don’t…” Sirius growled. “But I need you, Remus. You and me we’re supposed to get _through_ this.”

Remus felt his throat tighten and he cleared it. “I know. We are. We will. Pads…”

Sirius tugged him down onto the bed, then let his wrist go. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder as Sirius thumbed the seal, then let the letter fall open. It was short. Two lines sitting stark black on the faded cream parchment.

You were right, Sirius. I’m sorry.

There was a sudden stillness in the room, like they both stopped breathing. Then Sirius bowed his head. “Fuck you, Regulus. Fuck you for…just…”

Remus carefully eased an arm round Sirius’ shoulder and held him. Sirius didn’t cry, but he took in several shaking breaths. “He loved you, you know.”

“I know,” Sirius whispered. “I fucking know he did, but it didn’t stop him from joining the sodding Death Eaters and getting himself killed. I was a fool for thinking that love would be enough.”

There was something else in his words, a second meaning. Remus felt his eyes close hard against tears that threatened to fall. Sirius thought it was him. The spy Dumbledore was convinced was in the Order. And in a way, Remus was a spy. He was infiltrating them and he couldn’t get caught. Which meant Sirius couldn’t know because if Sirius knew Dumbledore was sending him into the nest of wolves who were responsible for what Remus had become, there was no telling what his lover would do.

But it hurt. It fucking hurt to think Sirius didn’t trust him. And who else believed it?

“You know I love you, right?”

Sirius nodded. “I know.”

“And that I would do everything in my power to see this war end so we can all be safe. So that James and Lily can raise Harry without being afraid of the next attack. So the Dark Lord is stopped?”

Sirius turned to him, his eyes dark and watery. “War makes people afraid, Re. And people who are afraid to very stupid things.”

“I know. We’ve seen it before. I’ve been at the receiving end of terrified people doing stupid things.” It was a low blow, reminding Sirius of the Prank, but he was angry that Sirius would ever think, for even a second, that Remus would betray them.

Sirius, for his part, pulled away. “Right. Well. When do you leave?”

“Monday.”

Sirius blinked, then nodded. “Won’t be back before then. I just popped in to you know…” He waved his hand at the letter which was now sat on the bed. “Stay safe out there, yeah?”

Remus nodded, and it wasn’t until Sirius left the flat that he cried. And he cried. Until the day he had to pull himself together to keep his cover intact, Remus cried.

*** 

31 October, 1981

He came to, confused, every bone in his body aching like they’d been broken. For a moment he didn’t realise why, or how. It wasn’t the moon. It wasn’t. He was…it was… His eyes looked up bleary at the wolves surrounding him and he remembered. Peter. Peter had shown up. There. With the Dark Mark on his arm, and a grin on his face.

Peter had pointed his finger at Remus and outed him as the spy. For the Order.

The wet, sticky spot on the front of his robes reminded Remus that he was bleeding out. His wand was a few inches away from his arm, but the tendons had been ripped through and he couldn’t move it. He was dying, and Peter was the spy.

James and Lily had gone into hiding. Sirius as their secret keeper, kept them safe. At least, Remus assumed because he hadn’t spoken to Sirius since August. Since Sirius had stopped coming home. Remus stopped being invited to Order meetings, and Dumbledore had done nothing to curb the suspicions of the Order because Remus had to maintain his own cover. Whoever the spy was couldn’t know Dumbledore trusted him.

And now it was Peter, stood here next to Greyback saying, “I know where the Potters are.”

Remus didn’t know where he found the strength. Maybe it came from setting Harry’s green eyes peering up at him, that baby’s laugh bubbling from his chest. Or the way he could say, “Moon,” now when he wanted Remus. The way that James kissed him and hugged him still, and the way Lily was determined to make it right between him and Sirius because she knew they were just meant to work it out.

He’d always been shit at wandless magic, but it worked this once. His wand flew into his hand and he disaparated with a crack.

He was still bleeding out though, his steps sluggish. He was on the doorstep to Sirius’ place. The new place he’d been staying. Remus had known about it, but never showed up. Maggie was parked on the kerb, and there was a light on in the front window.

Peter knew where the Potters were, and it was only a moment of time before Voldemort did.

He stumbled up the steps and pounded on the door. He was shocked the wards let him this far, but perhaps they didn’t feel any threat by a man who was dying.

It swung open, and Sirius’ confusion turned to a scowl until the grey eyes fell onto hands dripping with blood. Remus took a step, fell, and was caught by strong arms.

“Fuck. Remus? Remus what the hell?”

“I…” Remus’ words were cut off by a gush of blood flowing past his lips. He tried to swallow it down. “Peter,” he gasped. “He’s…the mark. He’s got…” Remus felt his eyes rolling back and he fought against unconsciousness because Sirius had to know. “He knows where James and Lily are. Dark Lord…please Sirius. Please.”

Sirius eased Remus down, then a white-blazing stream fell from his wand. His patronus burst to life, and he whispered to it before it took off. Then in a flash, though Remus couldn’t tell how long it took, he was gone and back, tipping potions down Remus’ throat.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Sirius breathed.

“Greyback,” Remus managed. He could feel the magic attempting to knit him back together, to pull him away from the black abyss. “Dumbledore sent me…to spy.”

Sirius went rigid as he attempted to pull Remus’ robes up. He gasped at the sight. His chest was a criss-cross of gashes and wounds where he’d been clawed to bits. Human fingers, which were so much more cruel, more blunt than the claws of the wolf. “He sent you to that…to that…”

Remus nodded. “Couldn’t tell you,” he gasped as Sirius poured stinging dittany onto the wounds. “Wouldn’t let me. My cover.” He swallowed back against more blood, but he was coming to a little more now. “It was Peter. It was…” Remus felt his throat go raw and hot with pain. “Fuck. It was Peter.”

Sirius was trembling now. “I sent a Patronus to warn them, so they can get out. There should be enough time. There should be…” He rose, easing Remus up along with him. He stumbled a little, but got Remus to the sofa and knelt down next to him. “I’m going to kill him.”

Remus fisted his hand into the front of Sirius’ shirt. “No. We need to…we need to…”

Sirius drew bloodied fingers down Remus’ cheeks. “I’m so fucking sorry, Remus. Fuck. I’m…” He turned his eyes away. “Peter said you were acting strangely. Said he was worried about you. He fucking said…”

Remus let out a pained laugh. “Of course he did. He was…” Remus shifted, wincing, but he was no longer bleeding out. “Go find Dumbledore. Go tell him, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded, rising, but fell back down and took Remus’ face between his hands. “Fuck. Will you ever forgive me?”

Remus let out another laugh. “I thought we established years ago I’d forgive you for even the worst transgressions. But please go, Pads. Please.”

Sirius kissed him, soft and gentle and full of wonder. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Stay here. I’ll be back, I swear. I will.”

Remus nodded, then let Sirius go as he rushed for the door. His eyes started to close as the pain potions took hold and he could only hope against hope he was in time.

*** 

What Remus didn’t know then, was that when he woke, Lily would be dead, James and Harry’s bodies would be missing, and Sirius would be in prison for the death of the Potters, and the betrayal of the Order. The Dark Lord fell that night, but at a very high cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, Remus uses everything in his power to make sure Sirius is released from his false imprisonment. Everyone learns the truth about James and Harry and why they were missing, and the wizarding world celebrates the fall of the Dark Lord.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright well...here we go. This is heading right into the second war era. Hopefully it's not too abrupt. There will be more sorting of emotions and dealing with anger and stuff in the next chapter between James, Sirius, and Remus. The PoV will remain mostly Remus, Sirius, and James and Harry will be a secondary character. I'm going to try and follow the basic plots for most of the books, though as i stated before I'm ignoring a LOT of canon deaths (cough James/Sirius/Remus/Fred cough).

He couldn’t be sure how long he was unconscious. His memory was foggy as his eyes blinked open against the harsh rays of afternoon sun. There was the thick, intense smell of blood, and he could feel it on him, dry and caked. Remus let out a groan and peered round, no idea where he was.

What had happened?

Swallowing, it felt like someone had taken razorblades to the inside of his throat. 

He blinked his eyes a few times, willing the blur of pain potions away. Last night…it had been? Something? He turned on his side, realising he was covered with an unfamiliar afghan which contained a very familiar smell. One that hadn’t been round in months.

“Sirius,” he croaked.

It came flooding back. The meeting with the wolves. The torture. Greyback.

Peter.

Sitting up with a start, Remus winced against the pain. He tore at his robes which were in near shreds, and saw the wounds on his chest were healing. New scars were inevitable, but the potions Sirius had given him when he apparated had taken care of the worst of them. Especially on the inside.

Remus put a hand to his forehead. He had been so damned sure he was going to die. That Greyback had finished the job he started seventeen years prior.

Glancing round, Remus took in his surroundings. He had never been inside Sirius’ new place, but he’d known about it. It was barely furnished, dusty, take-away boxes on the counter, clothes strewn about, a pair of motorbike boots by the door.

He eased himself up and looked out the window. It was late afternoon, he reckoned, and the house was silent meaning Sirius had not yet returned. 

Something was unsettled in his gut, and Remus went to the back to see if there was a place he could wash up. His wand was missing, lost in the escape from the wolves, but that didn’t really matter. Sirius had a sink with a few flannels that smelled a bit dodgy, but would do the trick.

He soaped up and attempted to remove the dried blood from his skin. A long soak in a bath was a long way off, he knew, but when it was over and they got everything sorted, he would take full advantage. Maybe even beg Dumbledore to let him borrow the Prefects’ bath at the school.

Feeling a bit more human now, Remus tossed the flannel into the shallow sink and wandered into Sirius’ bedroom. It was a violation, he knew. They hadn’t ever made it official, but who needed words when you came home one evening to find your lover’s things gone?

His throat constricted, as it did every time he thought about Sirius missing. About the one person he vowed to love forever believing he was capable of being the spy. Of turning coat. Of giving his loyalty to anyone else.

Remus never knew if James believed it. Or Lily. He’d been with the wolves for too long to have asked. And he knew Dumbledore hadn’t bothered to dissuade anyone from the suspicion because it leant authenticity to his cover.

A white-hot ball of hate for that old man settled in his gut because Remus had nearly lost everything.

With a sigh, he collected himself and allowed himself the discourtesy of going through Sirius’ things for robes. Sirius was much shorter, but they did the trick, only hanging above the ankle. Remus ignored the ache in his body as he went back to the lounge and straight to the fireplace.

There was floo powder on the mantle but when he attempted to reach headquarters, there was nothing there. No fire, no magic. Nothing.

Scrubbing his face, Remus tried a few different places until, to his great surprise, he found Dumbledore back in his office at Hogwarts.

Looking surprised, Dumbledore leant forward. “Remus. Where are you?”

“Sirius’,” Remus replied. “Is he there with you?”

There was something flickering across Dumbledore’s face before his mouth turned down in a frown. “You’d better come through, Remus.”

Pulling back from the fire, Remus rested his hands on his thighs and stared at the flames. Something happened. He could tell straight away, but he couldn’t begin to guess. Standing up, he squared his shoulders and reminded himself he’d dealt with so much worse, so much more.

“Dumbledore’s office!” he cried into the flames. Spinning, he came to a staggering halt, bracing himself on the hearth as he climbed from the fire.

Dumbledore was there, still sat at his desk with Fawkes perched just to the right of his shoulder. He was watching Remus with a careful, guarded expression.

“You’re injured.”

Remus swallowed thickly. “Was outed. To the wolves.”

“Ah,” Dumbledore said, and Remus did not miss the hint of disappointment in Albus’ tone. “Please sit. Tea?”

Remus started to shake his head, but thought better of it. “Yes, actually. I’ve not had anything since…” He frowned. “I can’t remember.”

Albus waved his hand and tea along with some sandwiches perched on the edge of the desk. Remus eyed them, grabbing the cup first as his stomach was still recovering from whatever curses the wolves had flung at him. He sipped the hot brew and let out a long breath.

“After you finish, you might want to make use of the baths,” Albus said.

Remus quirked a brow. “The students?”

“Are home.”

The cup stuttered on its way to Remus’ mouth, and he set it down with a soft clink against the saucer. “They’re what?”

“We thought with the fall of the Dark Lord, we might let the students have a short, unofficial holiday.”

There was a strange buzzing in his ears, and he didn’t realise he was shaking his head until he got a bit dizzy. “I’m sorry Albus. I’ve been unconscious for some time now. Can you…can you…”

Albus held out his hand. “We’ve suffered a great loss, but our world is safe again.”

Remus wanted to be ecstatic but there was something in Albus’ eyes. “Where’s Sirius?” It came out a harsh whisper, his hands shaking.

“Azkaban.”

Remus’ entire body twitched, then his head shook again because that could not be right. That wasn’t right. How could he… “What the bloody hell do you mean Azkaban?”

“The Dark Lord found the Potters. Just before midnight.”

Remus’ head was shaking harder now. “No I…I got to Sirius on time. I told him…” His words cut off when a choked sob escaped his lips. “James and Lily? Harry?”

“I’m sorry,” Albus said.

“NO!” Remus roared. He was on his feet, leaning toward Dumbledore. “No. No! I escaped. I escape and…” His hands were clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms. “Why is Sirius in Azkaban.”

“As their secret keeper, only he was allowed to divulge their whereabouts. He was responsible…”

“NO!” Remus took a step back. “Peter. Peter knew, he was there. With Greyback. I saw his mark!”

At this, Albus rose as well. “What are you talking about?”

“Peter was the spy!” Remus howled. “Peter. He was the one…he was passing information! He was the one who told Greyback I was in the Order. He knew where they were!”

“That’s impossible.”

Remus gave a dark, bitter laugh. “It’s not, I can assure you. It’s very much not.”

Albus was shaking his head. “Unless you have some evidence…”

Remus was attempting to collect himself. To think, because the thought of Sirius locked up in Azkaban was too much to bear and he was panicking. Turning on his heel, his head snapped back into place. He rushed across the room to Albus’ cabinet, pushed his hand against it, and it twisted as the Pensive came into view.

His trembling hand reached out and plucked one of the empty phials from the shelf. Turning back, he marched to Albus’ desk. “If you might let me borrow your wand? The wolves took mine.”

Albus hesitated, then handed it over and Remus let it rest against his palm. It was warm, cautious, then eventually felt friendly to him. With a breath, he pressed it to his temple and began the complicated spell to remove the memory. It hurt, like ripping a limb off, and seeing those images again. Feeling the torture, watching Greyback’s face, and Peter’s smirk. Peter, whom he’d loved and trusted. They all had.

With a small cry, Remus dropped the silvery memory into the phial and handed it over. “See for yourself, Albus,” he muttered weakly.

Saying nothing, Dumbledore took the phial as Remus collapsed in the chair, and out of the corner of his eye, Remus watched Albus drop it into the massive cauldron and put his face in.

He bowed his head, not daring to touch food or drink. Instead he muttered prayer after prayer because Sirius should not be in there. Whatever happened between them, whatever happened now…

If James, Lily, and Harry really were gone…

It felt like an eternity passed before Albus was walking back to the desk. The memory was back, bottled up, clenched between his fingers. “I was mistaken.”

“Yes,” Remus said through clenched teeth. “You were. Everyone was, it seemed. We trusted him.”

“Do you have any clue as to his whereabouts now?”

Remus gulped, then shook his head. “What happened? At the Potter’s?”

Albus’ face turned a bit pale and he looked away. “From the evidence gathered, James was drawn from the house by a Patronus. Voldemort attacked, but something backfired. His body was destroyed.”

“So he’s gone?”

Albus nodded. “We cannot be absolutely sure but…”

“And…”

“Lily’s body’s here. Preserved until the funeral.”

Remus felt his throat tighten. “Harry and James?”

“Gone,” Albus said.

“Gone. Gone? But…”

“I’m sorry.”

Remus felt a sob building up in his gut. “Get Sirius out, Albus. Now. He should not be in there. That should be evidence enough.”

Albus gave a curt nod. “Don’t leave the school, Remus. Until I am returned.”

Then, in the blink of an eye, Albus was gone and Remus was alone. With his pain. With his grief. With knowing this war had cost him everything he loved and never in his life did he want to sleep and find himself not to wake up again.

*** 

It took one week of interrogation and investigation before Sirius Black was released from Azkaban prison. Remus was given guest quarters at Hogwarts, and was recovering from the moon when the door opened and a bedraggled and stumbling Sirius Black came through.

Forgetting his pain, Remus was instantly on his feet, wanting to cross the room but not daring to move. Sirius’ eyes were hooded, sunken, his hands at his sides. They locked gazes hard and furious, and then Remus cleared his throat.

“I tried to get you out sooner.”

“I know.” Sirius’ voice was raspy, and his head wobbled a bit. “Albus told me.”

“I…” Remus shook his head and said nothing as Sirius crossed the room and sat on the very edge of the sofa where Remus had been lying down. “He told me.”

Sirius looked up. “Did he tell you where the bodies were?”

Remus shook his head. “Just that they were gone. And he was sorry.” Daring to sit, Remus kept space between them in spite of everything Sirius had said before he rushed off to stop Peter that night.

“I don’t believe him,” Sirius said after a moment, and let out a harsh sigh. “I don’t…he’s not telling us something.”

Remus nodded. “I know.”

Grey eyes blinked at him, then Sirius’ mouth twisted into a grimace. “I thought you wouldn’t agree.”

“Why?”

“Because for the past year you’ve been doing anything and everything Albus says. In spite of what it cost.”

Remus winced, but anger bubbled hot in his gut. “And you? You’ve been better? When was the last time you told me about a mission, Sirius? Where you were? When you were coming back?”

Sirius looked away, letting out a puff of air. “I fucked up.”

“We all fucked up.” Remus was about to say more, but he saw a distinct tremble to Sirius’ chin and he realised what it meant. He abandoned all anger, all pretence and his arms came up and around the man he’d once loved. The man he did, in spite of himself.

Sirius stiffened, then collapsed and sobbed near silently against Remus’ chest. They fell back against the cushions, and somehow the blanket was up around them and Remus was holding Sirius so tight, as though he was afraid he would be gone suddenly.

Remus didn’t cry, not now. He was numb to it, afraid to give in. So he let Sirius do it for him and he just held on.

“They’re gone though.” Sirius swiped the back of his hand over his cheeks. “I saw the body. Lily’s. The funeral’s tomorrow.”

“I know,” Remus breathed. Sirius smelled a mixture of damp and sea from the prison. “I wasn’t sure I could go. Could face that.”

Sirius gripped onto Remus’ robes tighter. “I told Albus everything. We’d…I…it was my fault. I told James to switch. Told him no one would suspect Peter. And Peter was…he was so fucking eager. Like Christmas had come early.” Sirius let out a barking, angry laugh. “James kept asking for you. Saying it ought to be you, but I wouldn’t let him. He never believed me. He was the clever one, James.”

Remus felt his chest clench hard and angry at his loss because James hadn’t… But it wasn’t Sirius’ fault, he reminded himself. No one had trusted anyone by that point, and they’d lost so many. “It’s okay.”

Sirius turned his face up to look at Remus’. “It’s not bloody okay. It’s…I was so fucking stupid.”

Remus put his hands in Sirius’ hair the way he knew Sirius liked, and carded them gently. “I trusted Peter. I trusted him. When I saw him with Greyback I…I swear I’ve never felt pain like that in my life. I loved him too, Sirius.”

“I didn’t,” Sirius said through clenched teeth. “I never had enough room for him. It was always just you and James. But I wanted it because I wanted to…” Sirius stooped and took a breath. “I hate myself so much. I wanted to hurt you, Remus. Because I thought you betrayed us.”

Remus’ eyes went watery and hot, but he shook his head. “I gave you reasons not to trust me. I was spying.”

“For us,” Sirius spat. “Not for them.”

“I know,” Remus breathed.

“I’m…I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.”

Remus pulled Sirius up just slightly. “This was not your fault. This was Peter. Peter played us, he used us, and the moment he had power he murdered his friends. Not you. Your reasons might have been petty but you were trying to protect them.”

“I was sure they’d come after me,” Sirius said in a broken voice. “I was sure they’d find me. I didn’t think anyone would suspect the Potters had made someone like Peter their secret keeper.”

“I know,” Remus breathed.

Sirius’ jaw trembled again. “James trusted him. He did. And he never stopped trusting you. He loved you. Merlin…” Sirius broke off into a sob and Remus grabbed his face, kissing him soft and slow across his mouth and over the tear tracks. 

“Sirius,” he breathed.

“It’s never going to stop hurting,” Sirius moaned, burying his face into Remus’ neck. “Please tell me I haven’t lost you, Re. Please.”

Part of Remus wanted to make Sirius suffer for the hurt he’d caused, but he knew—as Peter had once said to him years ago—Remus would forgive Sirius and James any manner of sin. Including this. Because he was nodding. “I’m here. I’m right here. You never lost me.”

Sirius cried harder, until he was spent, and as the sun dipped into the sky and the two friends mourned the only other man they loved that much, they fell asleep.

***  
July, 1991

He was outside tending to the runner beans when he heard the rumble coming up the street. It was an all-too familiar sound, the stutter, the roar, the faint smell of petrol on the air. Remus couldn’t stop his smile, even if he’d wanted to. He looked down at the knees of his jeans, grimacing at the green stains he knew wouldn’t come out without charming them, and then down at his fingernails where were blackened with the new fertiliser he’d laid down.

Their garden would be good this year. It really would. It was lush and the rains had washed out any of the old, used up soil just before he’d planted. Standing up, Remus swung his hips from side to side, easing out a few kinks in his lower back. He felt old and arthritic, which wasn’t something a thirty-two year old man should be feeling. He supposed unless said thirty-two year old man was, in fact, a werewolf who broke apart and knitted back together once a month.

It was easier now with the potion. A clever Potion Master had been working on a concoction for years, attempting to help out wolves in spite of the heavy prejudice that still surrounded the wizarding community. It was expensive, but they could afford it.

There was a reason, though, that Remus loved this little house in this little neighbourhood far away from the hectic city. Far away from most wizards. He could sit behind the cash till of their little shop up the street and not worry about who might come in. Who might recognise him. Who might know.

Here he could just be Mr Lupin, the seller of used rare books and vinyl records Sirius procured through his occasional travels. One of which he was returning from now, and Remus felt a hot bubble of want and need in his gut. Sirius had been gone for a week, an old, half-dead rumour of a dark wizard on the lam. 

Neither of them could stop looking for Peter. Neither of them could let it go. Both still woke occasionally from nightmares, and neither could hear the name James, Harry, or Lily without their eyes getting hot and throats going tight.

Neither could let a January, March, or July slip by without spending a day moping round the house. Neither had a Christmas that didn’t feel just a little bit empty.

But it was summer now, August creeping into the air, and Sirius Black was climbing off Maggie, his leather coat off and slung over his shoulder. He swaggered up through the gate with a confidence Remus knew he could never pull off, and he kicked dirt from his boots before toeing them off and opening the door.

“Re?”

Remus shivered at the low, husky, wind-blown voice of his lover, and he walked in through the back door, through the kitchen where Sirius was now leaning against the counter, a glass of juice in his hand. He gave Remus a crooked smile and a wink as he swallowed the last of the liquid, then set the glass down, crossed the distance, and pulled his lover in.

Sirius kissed Remus on the lips first, then into the side of his neck and breathed in deep. “Mmm you smell like dirt and grass.”

“Your favourite things, I’m sure.”

“Snuffles’ favourites,” Sirius said with a small laugh. It wasn’t often he ran round as his dog form anymore, aside from the full moons, but when he did he was no longer Padfoot. Neither could bear their old names with James gone and Peter now a traitor.

Remus smiled as he ran his hands into Sirius’ slightly knotted hair, and held him tight. “How was your trip?”

“Dead boring. Hit rain up in Yorkshire, which was a real joy let me tell you. Had to stop off at this fucking pub which ended up being Wizard. Luckily no one knew me there. But it didn’t let up for bloody hours. Would have been home yesterday for tea had it not been for the rain.”

“Poor darling,” Remus crooned, and earned himself a smack on the arm. “Shall I fix you something? I just picked tomatoes.”

“Already?” Sirius asked. 

Remus smirked. “Might have helped them along. They taste good though.” He went to the cabinet and pulled out a loaf of bread. “Roast beef?”

“Sounds delightful.” Sirius plonked himself on the chair, putting one leg up on the side of the table until Remus nudged it down with his hip, and Sirius grinned at him. “Other than that, it was a wash. Which we expected, but you know me…”

“Yes, I do.” Remus put together the sandwich, slicing a tomato thin just the way Sirius liked it, then set it on the table. 

Sirius eyed the sandwich. “Did you wash first? I don’t want bits of cow shit in my teeth.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Outside, of course.”

Sirius grinned at him, then stuffed an outrageously large bite between his teeth, tucked the food into his cheek, and spoke again. “I think I might call this mission my last. But I got some good books for you. Charmed them. They’re still in Maggie’s storage.”

“I’ll check them later,” Remus said. “And we both know this is not your last mission. It’s alright, you know.”

Sirius let out a long breath, then shook his head. “Coming up on ten years, Re. Ten and there’s been nothing. If he’s going to turn up, show his rat-face…well he will. But I’m getting too bloody old to be traipsing round the country after old rumours and legends.”

Remus let out a sigh, then reached over and squeezed Sirius’ thigh. “I know, love.”

Sirius finished his sandwich, then pushed the plate away. “Harry would be eleven in three days. Would have been Harry’s Hogwarts year this year, you know.”

The statement rang across the quiet kitchen. Remus very much knew. He’d been thinking about it since they rang in the new year on that quiet, snowy night. How could he not think about it? How could he not know? Ten years ago he’d been staring at that small, chubby face with wide green eyes and silly laugh and thinking, “Oh shopping with you in Diagon Alley is going to be wonderful. And I’m going to cry on the platform when you get on the train.”

But there was none of that now. Nary a word for a decade from anyone. Occasionally Dumbledore would send a letter, checking on them. Offering positions at Hogwarts or Hogsmeade. They would politely decline jobs and tea. Sirius couldn’t stand to look Albus in the face any longer.

“Shall we have a roast for dinner,” is what Remus said instead of talking about Harry because it had been ten years and it still hurt. There was a sharp, empty space inside him that burned and ached and people always said it gets easier with time. He’d always wondered if it meant the pain would fade, but what he’d come to realise it he merely got used to the hurt always being there.

“Yes, please.” Sirius gave Remus a watery grin. “I think I’ll have a shower now.”

Remus tilted his head up as Sirius rose, and was rewarded with a gentle kiss once to the tip of his nose, then pressed to his lips. Remus reached a hand up, cupping his lover’s cheek. “I love you,” he breathed.

Sirius pressed his nose against Remus’ cheek and breathed him in. “I know. I love you.”

Then he was gone and Remus went to the basket on the counter where some of his freshly harvested veg sat waiting to be used. Potatoes, carrots, an onion. He gave them all a rough chop, put them in a roasting pan, then plonked a roast on top. He set the cover, heated the oven with a wave of his wand, and set it inside.

Dinner done, he moved to the lounge where his book from earlier was waiting. He considered going out to the bike and retrieving what Sirius had brought home, but it would be a task better suited for the next day at the shop.

He tucked himself up onto the sofa, legs under him, book perched on a crooked knee. Just as he was removing his bookmark, the fire spat onto the floor, then turned green.

It was rare they were called by floo, and he instinctively reached for his wand which was always sat on the side table. The flames spat again, but instead of a head or a person spinning into the lounge, a bit of parchment roared from the flames and landed primly at his feet.

Reaching down, Remus plucked it between two fingers and stared at the familiar scrawl.

‘Mr Lupin and Mr Black,  
If possible, I would appreciate a meeting tomorrow round tea. It’s regarding a highly important matter from the Order.  
A Dumbledore-‘

With a frown, Remus stared at the note until suddenly it erupted into flames and sprinkled ash all over his freshly hoovered floors. He grimaced and sat back. Sirius would not at all enjoy a visit with Albus. He’d skilfully avoided the old man since the day he’d been released from Azkaban, and talking him into this would likely be difficult.

But he would try.

*** 

“I can’t believe I’ve agreed to this,” Sirius whinged as they appeared with a pop just outside of Hogsmeade. They hadn’t been back since ’81. Since the day they left Hogwarts knowing that the three other people they loved most were dead. And the Wizarding World celebrated whilst Sirius and Remus laid a body in the ground at Godric’s Hollow, and set three tombstones up.

“It shouldn’t take long. You were the one mentioning the signs.”

“Just something Kingsley said last month over a pint,” Sirius muttered. “You know how he is.”

Remus quirked a brow. “Kingsley? How is he, then?”

Sirius waved an impatient hand. “I just don’t want to think about it, Re. The last time we got dragged into this I lost nearly everything I’ve ever cared about and one more fucking Order mission…” He trailed off and sighed, running his hands through his hair.

Knowing they could be a tad late, Remus quickly took Sirius by the shoulders, pulling him flush against the wall round the side of a building. He put his hands on Sirius’ cheeks, then kissed him deep and soundly. 

“You’re not going to lose me. Do you hear me?”

Sirius closed his eyes, then nodded. “I know. I just…fuck. Being back here, Re. I mean the fucking shack is still there. And everywhere I look I see James and Lily. I see fucking Peter,” he spat, shaking his head. “I see all these plans we had for Harry when he was a baby and I just…” His throat got tight and Remus kissed him again.

“We can say no, just remember that. Okay? We can and if we must, we will say no.”

Sirius nodded, pressing his hands to the top of Remus’ shoulders. “I fucking love you.”

Remus chuckled quietly and wrapped his hand round Sirius’ wrist, tugging him along. “Come on. The quicker we get this over, the quicker we can be home. And if you’re a very good boy I’ll even give you a special treat.”

Sirius’ eyes went narrow and heated. “Oh? Does it involve gratuitous nudity?”

Remus smirked at him. “That it does. And something with my mouth I know you love.”

Sirius growled and yanked him over to bite at his neck. “Unfair of you to say such things whilst we’re about to meet Albus of all fucking people. You know…there aren’t any students here though. You reckon we could find one of our old passages?”

Remus laughed and shook his head. “I’m sure we could, but I think Filch is here still.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as they trekked up the hill. “Oh sod that old squib, anyway. What’s he going to do? Hang us by our thumbs in the dungeons?”

Remus laughed again. “I think he’d only need a reason for it, love.” Their fingers twinned together and they made the familiar path up to the castle. Each step was like a stab in the heart as Remus did his best—though failing miserably—to not remember when it had been the four of them. Or five, when Lily finally came round.

But there was the tree they sat under. And the path they’d take to the Willow and out into the forest. And if he looked up he’d see the window of the Astronomy tower where once he’d hidden and cried after a terrible nightmare where the wolf had killed his friends. James found him that night and dragged him back to his bed where they cuddled until dawn. Neither were able to stop from falling asleep in all their classes, but the nightmare hadn’t come again.

_”You’d never hurt us, you wanker. We fucking love you, Re. We’re not scared of you.”_

_“But you should be, James. I’m a…”_

_“I swear to Merlin, Re if you call yourself a monster I will hit you. I will hit you and break your nose. You’re not a fucking monster.” Then James hauled him in and kissed him straight on the mouth, holding his face. “You’re a bit of an idiot, though.”_

_Remus had laughed and blushed hard. “Yes well…”_

_“So enough. You’re our Remus, and that’s the only thing that matters.”_

Remus wanted to die a little as they walked through the doors and headed for the Gargoyle statue. “Fizzing Whizzbees,” he muttered.

It turned and revealed a set of stairs, which Sirius glowered at before taking the lead up. The office was much the same as it had always been. The boys hadn’t been sent there a lot—though Remus had a few games of gobstones with the Headmaster over the years. But mostly they’d known—very intimately—the inside of McGonagall’s office and classroom as she had insisted on overseeing their detentions.

Fawkes was there, looking decidedly like it was near his burning day, and Dumbledore was sat at his desk with a stack of what looked like Hogwarts letters ready to be sent out.

“Ah. Glad you could make it. What sort of tea would you like, gentlemen?”

“None for me,” Sirius said, dropping onto a chair. “I’d actually like to make this very quick.”

Remus shot Albus an apologetic smile, but Albus didn’t seem fussed about Sirius’ rude attitude. Remus lowered himself next to Sirius and didn’t say anything when his lover took his hand and squeezed it.

“So what’s this about, Albus? Is everything alright?”

Albus let out a small sigh. “As I’m sure you know, there have been signs recently that are…of some concern.”

Remus blinked, then nodded. “We’ve heard rumour.”

“Nothing to be worried about as yet. But I’ve been doing a bit of research on my own and there might come a time I need to recall…”

“No,” Sirius said. “Absolutely not. Not us. Not this time.”

Albus steepled his fingers under his chin. “I understand your hesitation, Sirius…”

“Do you?” Sirius retorted, leaning forward a bit. “Do you understand? Can you begin to fathom the price we paid for the Order’s sodding missions?”

“The position we were in required the utmost secrecy.”

Sirius scoffed loudly, rolled his eyes. “Yes. Asking Remus to join the fucking wolf pack who was responsible for his condition. You abused your power.”

“Sirius,” Remus warned.

But Albus was staring at Sirius carefully. “We all made grave mistakes, and would that I could go back in time and change things…”

“Oh we’ve heard this one. And we all sing this song, Albus. We all fucking know it by heart.”

Remus sighed, then squeezed Sirius’ hand. “Albus, what was it you asked us to come here for?”

Lowering his eyes, Albus stared at a letter on his desk. “I need you to deliver this to me. To an address that’s been under a Fidelus protection.”

Sirius and Remus both blinked. “To whom?”

“It’s better that I don’t say. They were in grave danger after the war, and refused a certain level of protection I could offer. So I did the next best thing and became their secret keeper.”

Remus frowned. “An Order member?”

“Yes.” Albus reached for a quill, then a small bit of parchment and scratched out an address. He passed it along to Remus and when Remus’ eyes scanned it, he felt a shiver of magic. It was the Fidelus charm being passed to him. He slid the paper to Sirius who shivered when he read it.

“This…sounds muggle. This street,” Remus pointed out.

“They’ve been living away from the Wizarding World,” Albus affirmed with a nod. 

“And will they be expecting us?” Remus questioned. He tapped his fingers on Albus’ desk. “Do we know them?”

“They will be expecting me,” Albus said, making it quite plain he had no intention of answering Remus’ second question. “But I trust the pair of you to have this delivered without problems.”

Sirius stared at the envelope which was now pushed across the desk. “Bloody hell. We’re really going to play postman?”

“I would trust no other wizards for this task,” Albus said.

Sirius took it, then slipped it into his pocket. “Then we’re done? No more obligations? You accept our resignation to the Order?”

Albus stared at him for a long time. “If it’s what you wish, yes. But the offer to join us if and when you choose to, Sirius, is always open. And you know where to find me.”

Down in the village, Sirius gave a great sigh just as they approached the hill to apparate. “That fucking barmy old coot. What the hell is he playing at?”

“You don’t think this is a bit…odd?” Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. “Of course it’s odd, but when is it ever bloody normal with that man?” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Listen, let’s do it tomorrow, yeah? Let’s go home because I believe you promised me a special treat.”

Remus quirked a brow, thoughts of the letter forgotten for now. “I said if you behaved.”

Sirius dragged Remus over, diving right for the sensitive spot just under his ear. “I did behave,” he murmured. “I didn’t hex him or anything.”

Remus fought back a moan, giving in to his urge to push his hips against Sirius. “You’re insatiable,” he whispered.

“But you fucking love it.”

Remus pulled back with dark, lusty eyes. “Yeah.” He palmed Sirius’ cheek, licking his lips. “I’m afraid I do.”

*** 

Normally Sirius was the one for the lie-in, but Remus woke to an empty bed and the sounds of whistling from the kitchen. And… “Is that bacon?” Remus swung his legs down, grabbing his dressing gown on the way to the kitchen.

He stopped at the sight of Sirius at the cooker, minding a pan of bacon as he sang quietly. He was wearing a pair of muggle sweats slung low on his hips, shaking them back and forth to the seventies beat of Rolling Stones.

Remus smiled, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, watching until Sirius turned. He froze, then gave Remus a wide, shining grin. “Morning love.”

Remus chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re chipper.”

“Well when you get a shag so decent you have three orgasms before sleep, you’re bound to wake up chipper. Well…” Sirius crossed over and planted a kiss on Remus’ mouth. “Unless you’re a bit of old soggy toast. Then you wake up just in time for bacon.”

Remus snorted, then dropped to his seat, pulling the tea pot toward him. He got a whiff of extra strong brew, which made him smile, and he poured it into his mug, adding a bit of cream and two sugars. Sirius plonked the bacon on the table along with some fresh tomatoes and some toast.

“You reckon we should get this letter delivery business over with early?”

Remus nodded as he grabbed toast and the jar of raspberry jam. “Martin’s minding the shop today, and I think Carolyn is coming in at four. So we’re sorted there. They’re getting the new inventory set up.”

“Good.” Sirius stuffed an entire piece of bacon into his mouth and chewed loudly, lips smacking. “So we can sort this out early and have time to lounge round here.”

“Close your mouth, you heathen,” Remus said absently as he spread the jam. He took a dainty bite, chewed, then sipped his tea. “And yes, although lounging isn’t exactly what I had in mind.” When Sirius waggled his eyebrows, Remus rolled his eyes. “Merlin, it’s like you’re bloody sixteen again.”

“Feels like it. Honestly telling that old fucking codger that he can take my Order membership and wank himself with it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Remus sighed, but smiled, though he tried to hide it into his tea cup. “Yes well…I’m glad you got your moxie back.”

“Moxie?” Sirius crowed. “Holy shit, did you just use the word moxie at me?”

Remus flushed, but grinned. “So what if I did?”

Sirius smiled fondly at Remus, then finished up his breakfast, eating a whole tomato slice in a few chomps of his white teeth. Getting up, he planted a very wet, tomato-y kiss on Remus’ mouth, then wandered into the back room, still whistling as he dressed.

Remus finished his breakfast more slowly, then headed to the bedroom to change into muggle clothes. A pair of trousers and long sleeved shirt to hide his scars. He borrowed Sirius’ hair brush to make sure he looked tidy enough, then met his lover in the lounge.

“Shall we take Maggie? S’not far is it?”

Remus grimaced, but the address was imprinted in his mind and it was only a thirty minute ride. He wasn’t overly fond of Maggie, but he was better when Sirius was agreeing to keep her on two wheels rather than taking to the air.

“Yeah, alright. Just don’t take the corners too fast.” Remus grabbed up the boots he bought specifically for the motorbike rides, grimacing at the uncomfortable feeling on his feet. But he followed Sirius out, locking up the house with a few waves of his wand, then down to the kerb where the bike was perched.

Sirius kicked up the stand, then grinned wickedly at Remus who climbed on back and wrapped his arms round Sirius’ waist. Sirius waved his hand, casting a wandless cushioning charm round them which set Remus at ease, then with a roar of the bike engine, they were off.

The muggle village wasn’t far at all. Within twenty-five minutes they were coming round the corner of a quaint little neighbourhood with manicured gardens and thatched roofs. Down the street was a small park where a handful of children were playing, and a few people were sat outside watering the grass or simply enjoying the nice summer day.

It wasn’t a surprise the two blokes on a motorbike got a few odd glances as Sirius slowed his pace down the street and stopped a few houses away. He killed the engine and kicked the stand down. Remus climbed off, massing his tingling arse.

“Figured we ought to walk round the corner in case they get scared off. I reckon Dumbledore sent us since the person would be less than fond of seeing a white-beardy, ancient wizard bloke coming up on his front step.”

Remus snorted at the thought of Dumbledore in his robes in front of these muggles, then laughed harder at the thought of Dumbledore trying to wear proper muggle clothes. He straightened his shirt, ran his fingers through his hair, and nodded. “Right. Well, let’s make it quick, shall we?”

Sirius touched his back pocket to feel for his wand, then pulled the letter out of Maggie’s storage compartment and nodded for Remus to follow along.

The house they were after was at the corner of the street. It sat perched and so similar to the others the only way to tell it apart was the address numbers shining bronze, and a couple of footballs sitting in grass which was only slightly less mown than the neighbours.

Sirius scowled round them, then hurried up the walkway, his motorbike boots clacking on the cement as they walked up the two steps to the front door. With a huff, he pushed the bell twice, then stood back.

There was a very long pause, and for a moment Remus wondered if anyone was home. Then, as he stood there, the door opened.

Years later, when Remus thought back to this moment, he couldn’t remember how long they stood there. Long enough for it to be considered strange, but not as long as it felt. Because it felt like an eternity when the door opened and James Potter—of all people—were standing there staring looking just as surprised as Remus felt.

It was Sirius who reacted first. In the flash of an eye his wand was drawn, under James’ chin, and he was backing the taller man into the house.

Remus snapped out of his surprise, rushing after Sirius. “Put that away,” he hissed.

Sirius didn’t spare him a glance. “Who the fuck are you?”

There was an agony of silence before James’ mouth worked. “Hullo, Sirius. Remus.”

The voice. The voice Remus heard so often in his dreams—in his nightmares—in his memories that sent him spiralling into hot, bitter tears. It couldn’t be him.

“Polyjuice? Glamour? What?” Sirius demanded.

James licked his lips and shook his head. “How did you find me?”

Then it all clicked. The Fidelus Charm. Dumbledore. The bodies were never found.

Remus carefully walked up, shoving all of his emotions into teeny tiny boxed in his head so he could be rational because damn it, one of them had to be. He closed his fingers round Sirius’ wrist. “Put it away.”

Sirius’ jaw was trembling, his grey eyes wide and watery. “Remus I…” His voice cracked and his wand lowered to waist high. “It’s not… It can’t be.”

Remus opened his mouth to speak, when a smaller voice from the hallway said, “Dad? What’s going on?”

Everything Remus had been holding onto, tight and furious, threatened to erupt and it took only the most careful control not to fall to pieces. Walking into the open space was a boy, small with glasses and a shock of messy black hair. It was that small baby who used to laugh at Remus and pull at his hair. Grown now into a child with Lily’s green eyes and James’ face.

“Harry,” James said very carefully, “why don’t you go back to your room.”

Harry, who was staring between James, Remus, and Sirius, shook his head. “Dad?”

“Do as I say,” James said very carefully.

Sirius hadn’t looked over at the boy. It was obvious he didn’t dare. He lowered his wand all the way, then let it drop to the floor. Just when Remus let out a breath of relief, a fist flew back and smacked directly into the centre of James’ face. There was the sharp crack as his nose broke, and blood immediately began to spurt out.

Before Remus, Harry, or James could react, Sirius was spinning on his heel, rushing out of the house. Remus looked from James to the door, unsure what to do.

Harry, however, rushed to his dad. “Oh my god, Dad!”

“Son, if you’d be so kind as to fetch me a wet flannel?”

Harry looked at Remus, an expression of distrust and fear on his face, but he obeyed his dad’s order.

“I can’t say you didn’t deserve that,” Remus said, his mild tone not betraying his shock and pain.

“Did he leave?” James asked, holding the side of his wrist to staunch the flow.

Remus picked up Sirius’ wand before Harry could come back, pointed it at James’ face and said, “Episkey.”

James sucked in his breath, his eyes watering with pain as the nose snapped back into place. He laughed and shook his head. “It’s been almost ten years since anyone’s used a spell around me.”

Remus swallowed, this throat suspiciously thick, and he didn’t say anything. Harry returned a moment later and Remus had trouble looking at the boy as he handed over the flannel so James could mop up his face.

“Is it broken?” Harry asked.

James sniffed. “Nah. Just busted up. If I ask you to go to your room, will you?”

Harry snorted, sounding so much like his father did at that age, Remus felt his heart clench in his chest. “No. You just got punched in the face by some bloke.”

James sighed, pulling the bloody flannel away from his nose and sniffed again. The bleeding had stopped, and aside from it being a bit red, he was alright. “Well, unless you want to go after him, you can have a seat.” James motioned to the sofa in the lounge.

Remus felt his hands give a shake, and he pushed harder on those tiny boxes to stay put just for now. Just until he could sort it out. He took cautious steps toward the lounge, looking back to make sure the man and child he thought were dead—buried by his own hands—were following.

“Who are you?” Harry asked after a moment.

“My name is Remus.” He did not ignore the stab of pain over having to introduce himself to the child who used to know him. Who should have always known him.

“He’s an old friend from school,” James said.

“From University?”

James shook his head. “Before that.”

“Oh the…the boarding school,” Harry said.

Remus bit the inside of his cheek until it stung and he tasted blood. Out of the window, he caught a flash of black hair and knew Sirius was outside pacing. Likely trying not to hex James senseless in front of his son. 

Harry was looking at Remus with wide, curious eyes. “Dad doesn’t talk about his old mates from school. Ever.”

Remus blinked, then shook his head. “I expect not.”

“Who was the man who punched him?”

Remus realised Harry was directing his questions at him, not James, and it gave him a startled pause. “That was Sirius. He was your dad’s very best friend.”

Harry ran his fingers into his hair and ruffled it. Another awful stab in the gut, and this time Remus sucked in his breath. “Er, Mr Remus, will you tell me why dad got punched?”

Remus looked at James very carefully, then smiled and shook his head. “I’m afraid not.”

“Did he deserve it though?”

Remus laughed this time, in spite of how much it hurt. “Yes. He very much deserved it.”

Harry let out a long-suffering sigh. “Thought as much.” Then he was up off the sofa, wandering into the kitchen.

Remus looked over at James and raised an eyebrow. “Your son.”

James chanced a smile, though his lip barely quirked up. “Did Albus send you?”

Remus pursed his lips, but before he could answer, Harry came back into the lounge with a small, metallic silver pack in his hands.

“You reckon that man out there would punch me if I brought him ice for his fist? I heard something crack and if it wasn’t dad’s nose…”

“Harry I’m not sure…” James began.

“Go on,” Remus interrupted. “I think he’d like that.” He gave James a pointed look who didn’t argue. The front door opened then shut, and the pair waited for several long moments to see if Harry would be banished back inside. When he was not, Remus turned back to James and when he spoke, his voice was heavy and broken. “Tell me why I shouldn’t knock you in the mouth to go with that nose of yours.”

James looked at Remus for a long time. “I don’t have any excuses, Re. I was…it was…” He cleared his throat. “Albus said I had to go into hiding if I wasn’t going to let Lily’s sister take Harry.”

Remus blinked, his brow creased down. “I’m sorry, what? What do you mean Lily’s sister?”

“Something about blood magic.” James took in a shaking breath. “Sirius’ patronus arrived that night. I was playing with Harry in the lounge, trying to get him to sleep. I saw it off in the distance and I knew it was his, so I handed Harry off to Lily and ran out. When I got back…” James stopped and his brown eyes were wide, tears already pooling in the corners. “The door was broken off the hinges. I heard her scream before I came running. She was screaming Harry’s name. I knew it was him. I bloody knew.” James swiped at his cheeks. “Fuck, it’s been…I haven’t talked about this since the night this happened.”

Remus fought the urge to hug him. Instead he curled his fists and pressed them onto his knees. “Sirius’ patronus was warning you to get out. Because of Peter.”

James nodded, his chin quivering. “He was dead when I got up there. Just like Lily. And Harry was in his cot screaming for her. His head was bleeding. I was…she was… she was just lying there. Dead. Eyes open.” James stopped, now openly crying, head bowed toward his knees. He leant forward, scrubbing his face with his hands.

“Hagrid showed up with a portkey. Took us to Headquarters. Albus tried to…tried to take Harry. Said he had to…” James stopped and shook his head. “No that’s not right. No he went to the house. He went to the house and then came back. Told me if I wanted Harry to be safe, he had to be taken to Petunia.”

Remus sucked in his breath. “That vile woman?”

James nodded, his tears now gone but his chin was still trembling. “He said it was blood magic. Protection for Harry. I wouldn’t…I couldn’t let anyone else touch him. Albus wouldn’t listen, I wasn’t thinking straight. Kept asking where Sirius was, where you were. And Peter.” James stuttered over the name. “He sent me away, into hiding with Harry until they confirmed Voldemort was gone.”

Remus was unable to stop himself from moving closer, from touching James on the knee. The old feelings flared, the tiny boxes where Remus was holding his pain were crumbling under the weight of desire to comfort his old friend. “James,” he whispered.

James let his fingers lace down on top of Remus’ hand and he squeezed. “He showed up two weeks later and told me Sirius had been arrested, but you’d come forward with evidence about Peter being the Secret Keeper. Asked me for the memory of performing the Fidelus. I told him everything. About Sirius thinking you were…” James stopped and glanced out the window. There was no sign of Sirius or Harry, but James didn’t seem bothered by that. “I’m glad you two sorted it out. If you…I mean you did, didn’t you?”

Remus gave a slow, quiet nod. “We did. Apparently I will forgive both of you for the worst, most painful transgressions.”

James sucked in his breath and met Remus’ eyes fully for the first time. “I’m sorry, Moony.”

Remus felt his breath hitch at the old name, and he shook his head, willing himself to keep it together. “Sirius and I buried Lily. And you. And Harry. Albus let us believe you were dead.”

James squeezed Remus’ fingers harder. “He told me I didn’t have a choice. It was that, or let Harry live with Petunia. He became our Secret Keeper. Told me Harry couldn’t know anything. About…about anything.”

Remus blinked. “Anything? He doesn’t know you’re a wizard?”

James shook his head, a miserable look crossing his face. “It was easier at first. I mean, it took me ages to get used to all this…this muggle stuff. Electricity and everything. But eventually I got used to it. My wand’s in my vault. Albus sent letters every now and again, but eventually I asked him to stop. Told him I was content here. I didn’t want…I mean…Harry’s good here. He’s good.”

Remus took a long, slow breath then removed his hand. “Sirius is going to take some… convincing.”

James let out a small laugh. “Oh I know. Believe me.”

“I think we’ve come here to deliver Harry’s Hogwarts letter,” Remus said after a moment. “Seeing as it's his birthday and everything. And I have to tell you, I don’t think there’s a force on this earth that’s going to stop that boy from going.”

James covered his face again and let out a long, shaking breath. “I know. I don’t…I don’t know if I can go back there, Re. To all of it.”

“Don’t much think you have a choice, Jamie,” Remus responded in kind. “Once Sirius gets his head out of his arse and forgives you—and he will—you won’t be able to spirit you or Harry away again. We’ve spent the last nine years unable to talk about you or Harry because it fucking hurt too much. I don’t know how we’re going to handle having you back, but you can be sure we’re not letting go.”

James’ face twitched, then he reached out with some hesitation and drew Remus in. Remus felt his breath hitch again, but he held on tight, to both James and his convictions. If James and Harry really were back, Remus would be damned if they would ever let go again. 

*** 

Sirius was outside, pacing and swearing when the door opened and a cautious looking, green-eyed boy stepped out. Sirius spun, anger on his lips which died immediately at the sight of the curious face, head cocked to the side. 

“Mr Sirius?”

Sirius blinked, then barked a surprise laugh. “Er. Just Sirius, kid.”

Harry nodded, then stepped down from the door, closing it behind him. He had a small, metallic silver thing in his hands, and he was holding it out. “Here.”

Sirius stepped closer, but he didn’t move. “What?”

With a frustrated sigh that was so much like James it hurt, Harry reached out and curled his small fingers round Sirius’ wrist. He stared down at them and was forced to remember when they were small and chubby and barely able to fit round his index finger as he gummed it raw.

Now Harry was pulling his knuckles out, and pressing the metallic thing to them, which was very cold. “It’s an ice pack,” Harry explained. “Haven’t you ever used one before?”

Sirius glanced down at it, then up at Harry. “Don’t make a habit of punching people in the nose.”

Harry quirked an eyebrow, a very Lily expression. “Well you’re pretty good at it for a bloke who never does it. Dad was bleeding everywhere.”

Sirius barked another laugh and shook his head. “Good.”

“He said he deserved it.”

“He bloody well did,” Sirius affirmed, then flushed. “Sorry. For swearing.”

“But not for punching his nose.”

Sirius turned his nose up. “Not as such.”

Harry regarded him for a moment before he sat down on the stoop and stared pointedly until Sirius joined him.

“Ta much, Harry,” he eventually said.

Harry let out a long breath. “So that other bloke, Remus?” Sirius nodded. “Said you were my dad’s very best friend at school.”

Sirius winced, pressing the ice harder to distract him from the raging torrent of pain in his chest. “Yeah. I was.”

“Why’d you never come round?”

Sirius drew his free hand down his face. “Wasn’t invited. Honestly didn’t even know your dad was still round. I thought…”

“He died? Like my mum?”

Sirius felt his throat tighten and he cleared it. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Harry leant back against the door, kicking his feet out a bit and crossing them at the ankles. “He won’t talk about that. Like…ever. Never. Won’t talk about school. Never mentioned you. Or that Remus bloke. He just…goes off to work and comes home and asks after my homework and…well that’s it.”

Sirius blinked. “I’m your godfather, you know.”

That gave the boy pause, his eyes going wide, staring at Sirius like he was a new species of animal. “Really?”

Sirius nodded. “I knew you when you were a baby. You used to pull my hair a lot.”

“It’s a bit long,” Harry commented dryly.

Sirius snorted again. “Yeah well…it’s cool. I’m cool.”

Harry lifted an eyebrow, challenging him. “How?”

“I drive a motorbike. The kind that flies.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Do I look like an idiot?”

Sirius narrowed his eyes, then twisted his hand in an intricate pattern as he whispered an incantation, and a small flower appeared in his palm. “You don’t look like an idiot.” He dropped it on the ground and it disappeared in a small puff.

Harry was staring at it, wide-eyed. “How’d you do that?” he demanded.

Sirius pursed his lips and came to the realisation that not only had James and Harry been taken from him, but that Harry didn’t know about the wizarding world. At all. He wasn’t sure if it was James or Albus’ fault, but he didn’t care right now. 

He pulled the letter from his pocket and thumbed the corner. “I’m a wizard. I can do all sorts of things.”

Harry looked at him, disbelieving. “Liar.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you’ve never done anything…different? When you get really cross or…excited? Maybe scared?”

Harry blinked at him, then dropped his voice to a whisper. “There’s this awful bloke at school called Max. Turned his hair blue. I dunno how. He was slagging me for mine—like this is all my fault, you’ve seen dad!” Harry tugged at a messy handful and Sirius laughed a bit. “He wouldn’t stop, and got some of the other lads in on it. They were laughing and I was so…” Harry took a breath. “Then the next thing you know his stupid hair was all…blue. Felt all tingly in my fingers when it happened.”

Sirius nodded. “There’s a place where people like us…people like me and Remus and your dad…go to learn about magic.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Where?”

“It’s called Hogwarts. School for Witchcraft and Wizardry,” Sirius added, then passed the letter over. “The Headmaster sent this for you. Reckon it’s your letter.”

Harry took it, but didn’t open it. “And I can…I mean would dad let me? Go there?”

“Don’t reckon he has much choice in the matter.” Sirius scrubbed his hand down his face and realised he wasn’t angry. Hurt, yes. Terrified because every night since the night Voldemort attacked Godric’s Hollow, he wished for some miracle and this seemed like one. And Sirius Black did not believe in miracles. He believed in clever spells, pranks, and Remus Lupin’s unfailing love.

Harry carefully peeled the corner of the envelope up, and murmured as he read. “Bloody hell,” he breathed. “You’re not joking.”

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not. So what d’you reckon, kid? You feel like being a wizard?”

“Does it mean I don’t have to go to school with those wankers from up the street?”

Sirius laughed. “Reckon so. Doubt anyone else in this place will be getting a letter. All muggle.”

“Muggle?”

Sirius quirked an eyebrow and tried to ignore the sheer irony that Harry bloody Potter—son of James and Lily Potter, had no idea about magic or wizards. Or any of it. He sucked in a breath and let it out. “It’s the word for people who aren’t magical. Like the berks at school.”

Harry grinned. “Alright. Can we go in and tell dad?”

Sirius gripped the tops of his thighs and stared to push himself up. “Reckon we probably should.”

Harry got up as well, but then hesitated. “You’re er…not going to punch him again, are you?”

Sirius looked at the boy for a long time. “No. I don’t think so. I reckon I owe him a few hexes over the next nine years but…for now, I’ll keep my wand to myself.”

Harry smiled, then took Sirius’ hand. “So you’re really my godfather?”

Sirius tried not to feel overwhelmed by the hand in his. “Yeah. I am.”

Harry hopped from foot to foot then asked, “Can I have a go on your bike?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, Harry's entrance into the wizarding world, Diagon Alley, and heading to Hogwarts.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus take James and Harry to Diagon Alley for Harry's start of term items.

“Got a bit of chocolate, just there.” James swiped his finger along the side of his lip as he looked at Harry.

With a grin, the boy dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. “Alright, so now do I get to have a go on the bike?”

James’ eyes narrowed behind his glasses. “I cannot believe you told him it flies.”

Sirius shrugged, still giving James a nasty glower. “Not my fault you never bothered to tell your own son about sodding magic.”

Harry sucked in his breath a little, then glanced at Remus who hadn’t said much during dinner.

“I think this might be a conversation for later,” Remus eventually said, getting both James and Sirius’ attention.

“You never say anything in front of me,” Harry complained. “I’m not stupid, you know.”

James looked at his son for a long time. “I know, Harry. And it’s a bit more complicated than me thinking you’re not able to handle it.”

“He’s right,” Sirius said, and both Remus and James shot him a surprised look. “It’s more to do with how sometimes even people who are grown up can act like cowardly children in the face of…”

“Alright,” Remus said loudly, standing up. “Harry, that was a very lovely birthday dinner. And now that you’re eleven and allowed to see magic, why don’t you come outside and I can show you some neat tricks I can do with the stars.” He gave James and Sirius a pointed look.

“Oh brother,” Harry muttered under his breath. “You might as well just say the grown-ups need to have a chat. Like I said, I’m not stupid.”

“Your cheek could do with some work though,” James scolded. “Unless you want to find yourself grounded.”

Harry’s lip curled up, but he let out a resigned sigh. “Sorry dad. Er…okay Mr…I mean. Uh. Remus. I think I’d like to see more magic.”

With a small grin, Remus beckoned Harry out to the back garden, and they crossed the grass to sit near the single tree near the edge of the fence. Remus eased himself down against the base of the trunk and waited for Harry to join him. They were far enough away, he reckoned, that any shouting would go unnoticed by the boy.

“Does Sirius hate my dad?” Harry asked after a minute.

Remus regarded the boy for a moment, and before he answered, he waved his wand and a shower of stars shot out of the end. They sprinkled across the yard, hovering a few feet above the grass.

“Wicked,” Harry breathed.

Remus grinned. He waved his wand again, the charm Sirius had taught him back in second year, and the stars began to twinkle and dance. One cluster spelt out, ‘Happy Birthday, Harry,’ and the boy laughed.

“He doesn’t hate your dad.”

“He looks like he wants to murder him,” Harry said, glancing over at Remus.

Dragging his hand down his face, Remus flicked his wand and the stars began to swirl and dance, making intricate shapes as they swooped and dipped. “Sirius is hurt. Very hurt. We were all very close at school. And a bit after.”

“You both knew me. When I was a baby,” Harry replied.

Remus gave a curt nod, the idea of opening up that old wound far too unpleasant. But it wasn’t Harry’s fault. “We did. You used to spend the weekends with us sometimes. Me and Sirius. Give your mum and dad a break.”

Harry crossed his arms round his knees, hugging them to his chest, and rested his chin down. He watched the stars, a thoughtful expression on his face. “What happened? Why’d dad leave? Why’d you think we were dead?”

Remus felt his throat constrict, and he cleared it. He flicked his wand again and the stars became small, glowing flowers. Another charm Sirius had given him. “There was a war on,” Remus said, his tone slow and careful. “A dark wizard was taking over, people were dying. Sirius and I were…” He breathed in and out. “Everyone was in a bad place. One of our close friends betrayed us. Because of that, you and your dad had to leave the wizarding world until it was safe for you to return.”

“And is it?” Harry pressed.

Remus licked his lips. “I don’t know. I just know that it’s time now.” He looked over at the boy, his gaze raking across the scar. The piece of evidence left behind that Lily had given her life for her son to protect him.

“Was dad always so…” Harry shrugged as he looked up toward the house. “He’s just sad all the time. Quiet. Probably because he missed his family.”

Remus felt his eyes burn and he willed back the tears. “Well everyone missed him, of course. And you.”

Harry looked over at Remus, then nudged him a bit. “You know, this has been a really good birthday. I mean…weird. Bloody weird but…pretty good.”

Remus laughed through the threat of tears and nodded. “Yeah Harry, it’s been good for us as well.”

*** 

The door slammed, the silence ringing. James stared at Sirius, brown eyes daring. Hex me, hit me, hurt me, they begged. Sirius couldn’t meet the gaze though. Not yet. He could see the flicker of Remus’ wand, and the cascade of stars settling like a blanket over the grass. Part of him felt the strong temptation to rise to his feet and rush out the back door. To let himself fall into Remus’ arms and be held through all this pain because in spite of the hours that had gone by, he couldn’t wrap his mind round the fact that James was here. Sitting at this table. With him. 

Not dead.

Sirius heard the story. Heard what James had been forced into. Dumbledore, of course. Every painful thing Sirius had suffered after leaving Hogwarts had been down to that man. The secrets, the lies, all at his instruction.

He hadn’t been allowed to say a word to Remus, and Remus had been given the same command. Blindly, they followed it. Blindly they hated each other and loved each other and were nearly torn apart.

Blindly they lost half of themselves when they put up a tombstone reading James, Lily, and Harry Potter.

“I don’t know what to say,” James eventually whispered. 

Sirius looked over to see him leant on the table with his chin in his hand. “I know.”

James’ mouth tensed, like he wanted to smile, but today those had been very few and far between. None of them the careless grin of the man he’d loved so fucking much for all those years. “I want to make it better. I never thought Albus would send you.”

Sirius swallowed thickly, clearing his throat. “Did you think about us at all? About me and Re? About what we must _think_ about you and Harry? Did it cross your bloody mind that we would have mourned you for nine fucking years?”

“Yes,” James said. The answer came brutal and sharp. “I knew. If you think it didn’t hurt me to know that you were out there and I couldn’t have you…” James stopped abruptly, dropping his hand and curling it into a fist. “Sirius, do _you_ understand the choice I had to make? To keep my son and be forced to mourn my dead wife alone? Away from the two people I loved as much as I loved her?”

Sirius felt his throat clench and those god-awful tears burning again. He slammed his fist on the table, making James jump. “Don’t.”

James took a breath and sat back. “I’m sorry. I’ll never stop being sorry.”

“It hurt every day, you know,” Sirius said. He ignored the stray wetness coming from the corner of his left eye. “We couldn’t hear your name. Took us years to say it. We buried Padfoot and Moony along with you. I’ve been on the road nine years looking for that fucking rat.”

James licked his lips, then ran his hands down his face. “I don’t want Harry in the magical world. I know there’s not a force that can stop Dumbledore if he wants this but…”

“Fuck him,” Sirius spat. “Fuck him and his fucking God complex, James. I don’t work for him anymore. The only goddamn reason I’m sitting here right now was because I told him this was my last job for him.” Sirius leant forward. “And he bloody knew where he was sending me. He did it without a single word of warning. Without regard. Because he knew the moment I set eyes on you, I wouldn’t be leaving.”

“Sirius,” James breathed.

“Don’t,” Sirius spat again. “Please.”

James’ fingers clenched, his face going tight and Sirius knew from years and years of loving this man, it meant James needed arms around him. Comfort. But he couldn’t give it just yet.

“Why didn’t you tell him no?”

“Because Harry was at risk. Peter’s still out there and it was this or sending him to live with Lily’s sister. And if you think I could have done that to my son…”

“We could have protected him,” Sirius all-but shouted. “We can protect him. God damn it, James, I fought beside you for years! You and I did everything…” He breathed for a second. “We could have run away together.”

“And what? If Peter wanted to find Harry…”

“What about now?” Sirius challenged. “Why now?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t think Dumbledore’s going to tell us. Maybe he wants Harry educated. Prepared for what could happen.”

“Voldemort’s dead,” Sirius replied, but deep down he knew that wasn’t true, and from the look on James’ face, he could tell his old friend wasn’t buying it either. Sirius felt his resolve crumbling. His hands opened and closed on top of the table. “I don’t want to be angry at you anymore.”

James swallowed, then looked behind him out the window as the stars cascaded into glowing flowers. They illuminated Remus and Harry who were talking quietly.

“I wish I could say I made a mistake, but I don’t know if I did. I just know I had to protect him.”

“I know,” Sirius whispered. “But you have no idea what it did to me to bury you two. It was my fault.”

James shook his head. “We all made the choice. I could have said no to you.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “You never told me no. You never…”

James was on his feet, crossing the short distance between them. He yanked Sirius up, cupping his cheeks like he’d done so many times in the past, and he spoke in a low tone. “It was not your fault. It was not. Your patronus saved my life which meant Harry got one parent. I will never stop…I…it’ll never stop hurting. But if I’d been in the house, he would have killed me too.”

Sirius’ face was cracking, his jaw trembling, and his hands came up, closing round James’ wrist. “I should have…”

“You did everything you could. No one knew it was Peter. No one knew he turned.”

Sirius’ eyes closed against the torrent of pain and he shook his head as James held him firm against his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

James was kissing him then, closed-mouthed as he’d done so many times before. Then Sirius was up against his chest and shaking, though the tears were trapped behind his closed lids. But he held on to the best friend he thought he’d lost all those years ago and he wasn’t sure he could handle all those emotions at once.

“Stay tonight,” James whispered. “You and Remus.”

“Don’t think you could get rid of us even if you wanted to,” Sirius said, a shaking laugh in his chest. “Besides, you’ve not got a wand. You haven’t used magic in ages. I bet you’re total shit at magic now.”

James laughed, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re probably right.” Pulling away, he let go of Sirius with extreme reluctance, then glanced back out at the garden again. “Let’s call them in. We’ll have to arrange Harry’s supplies.”

“Tomorrow. We can go to Diagon Alley and you can get your sodding wand and let the whole of the wizarding world know that the boy who defeated the fucking Dark Lord is still alive. And so is his stupid dad.”

James laughed again, then walked to the back door. “Oy, you two. Have you had enough yet? Because I know it’s time for someone’s shower.”

“So he didn’t kill you, then?” came Harry’s small voice, and Sirius laughed.

“Still alive. Still got all my limbs. And I’ve seen Sirius do some fantastic work with curses.” James turned back and smiled. “Come on. Remus and Sirius are staying the night.”

Harry let out a small whoop and burst inside. He came to a skidding halt in front of Sirius. “And tomorrow I can have a go on the bike?”

“Christ,” James muttered. “Where’d you park her?”

“Round the corner,” Sirius said. “I should go bring her up to the drive.”

Remus stepped in and nodded. “I’ll come. We can walk it up the street.”

James hurried Harry along to his bath whilst Remus followed Sirius out the front door. They didn’t say much as they rounded the corner, but the moment they were out of sight from the house, Sirius fell to his knees. Remus was there to catch him almost instantly, his long arms curving round his lover and held him tight.

“Fuck,” Sirius breathed. He was shaking all over, fists clenched and pressed hard into the pavement. “Fuck, Re. Fuck.”

“I know,” Remus said. It was obvious Remus had known the moment they were alone together, Sirius would fall apart. But he wasn’t crying, he wasn’t screaming. He was just sat there letting himself feel it all. Hard and devastating. “It’s okay.”

“I know.” Sirius let out a broken laugh. “It hasn’t been until this moment and they’re fucking alive which means it is okay. But…”

Remus tilted Sirius’ face up and kissed him. “One day at a time. And we won’t forget the years we lost, but we’ve got time now.”

Sirius nodded, picking himself up and running a hand down his face. “You know this means it’s not over, right? Dumbledore wouldn’t have sent us if he hadn’t wanted to keep us. And he wants to keep us because…”

“I know,” Remus interrupted. He sighed and looked up at the partial moon sitting bright against the dark sky. “But we’re not going to let anyone take them again.”

Sirius gave a firm nod, then tangled his fingers up with Remus’ as they approached Maggie. Sirius kicked up her stand, then they began to push her toward James’. “He’s gotta move in with us. Or…or something. He’s not going to be on his own.”

“I think we should leave it to him,” Remus said. “Merlin, Sirius, we’re in our thirties. He’s a single dad, has a job, a life, a house. He’s not been in our world for nearly a decade. We can’t just…”

“Remus,” Sirius begged. 

“We can move. Closer,” Remus promised. “Or…I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what. But something. He’s not going anywhere, alright? Neither of them are.”

Sirius nodded, feeling his throat tense again. But he didn’t say anything until he’d put his bike up next to James’ car and they headed back inside.

James was nowhere to be found, but Remus and Sirius could hear Harry singing in the shower loudly. It was so reminiscent of James, Remus felt his heart constrict at the same time he was snickering into his sleeve. The pair sat on the sofa together, Sirius with his head leant on Remus’ shoulder, eyes closed.

“This is…surreal,” he breathed.

Remus reached up and pulled his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “I know, love.”

“I feel like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and it will all have been a dream. Like some fucking stress-nightmare because it was Harry’s birthday.”

“I know.” Remus cupped Sirius’ chin and turned him in for a kiss. It was light, chaste, but continued on for some time. So long, in fact, that there was a throat clearing and they looked up, a bit sheepish.

Harry was stood there, his shoulder leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his black pyjama top. “Er.”

“Sorry,” Remus offered.

Harry’s eyebrow quirked. “So you two are…”

“Yes,” Remus said very slowly.

“And my dad, is he…with you two as well?”

“No,” Remus replied. “We were very close but never…intimate.”

Sirius was blushing bright red at having even a vague sex talk with his eleven year old godson. “Ahem. Er. Well anyway, all sorted for bed there?”

“Mostly.” Harry took a tentative step into the lounge, glancing over his shoulder back toward his bedroom. “Are you two…I mean this is weird, right? This whole thing? You showing up and my dad being a wizard and…and me being a wizard?”

“It wouldn’t have been weird if things hadn’t gone wrong nine years ago,” Remus said very carefully. “But those matters were out of our hands. And I think after a while, once your dad gets acclimated back to the wizarding world, it’ll seem less strange.”

Harry gave up on his caution, crossing the distance between him and the two men, and plonked down in front of them. He crossed his legs, then put his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his fists. “Both my mum and dad were wizards.”

“Yes. James—your dad,” Sirius said very carefully, “is what we call pureblood.”

Harry’s eyebrows went up. “And that’s…?”

“It means my entire family line were all wizards,” James said, coming from round the corner. He gave Remus and Sirius a shy look, then sat on the floor next to his son. Remus could remember hundreds of evenings with James sat on the floor with baby Harry at his knee chasing colourful puffs of smoke from his wand, or conjured flowers, or bubbles which burst into a shower of rainbows. “I should have told you.”

Harry’s face darkened. “And mum?”

“She was muggle-born,” James said. He shifted, sitting leant back on his hands, and regarded his son for some time. “Her parents were muggles.”

“Are they alive?”

“No.” James’ face fell a little as the three adults remembered the pain Lily had gone through when her parents passed. “You have an aunt and uncle. They were…well we never got on with them, me and your mum.”

Harry’s brow was wrinkled in thought. “And yours? Your parents?”

“There was a plague during the war, an illness.” James swallowed, and Remus felt Sirius reach over and squeeze his hand.

“They were great though,” Sirius said, his voice a bit heavy. “The Potters.”

Harry’s green eyes flickered between all three men. “What else? What else should I know?”

“That you’re destined to be a great wizard,” Remus cut in. “That you’re going to be trained in magic just like your dad and mum, and when you get there, you’ll understand where you belong.”

James turned his head to regard Remus for a long time, then eventually nodded. “I wasn’t given much choice about taking you away, Haz. And I’m sorry for it. I should have talked about your mum more. You know how much she loved you and…” James stopped, unable to continue.

“It’s alright,” Harry said quickly, uncomfortable with his dad’s display of emotion. “So tomorrow I get to see it though, right? All the…the wizard stuff?”

“We’ll go to Diagon Alley,” James said. “You’ll get your school supplies and wand. And…dunno, what d’you reckon? Owl?” He looked over at Remus and Sirius.

“We’ve got one but…I think it’ll be a good first pet. Unless he fancies a cat?” Remus offered.

“Nah,” Harry interjected. “I’m not fond of cats.”

Sirius gave him a lopsided grin. “Dog person, are you?”

James snorted and rolled his eyes. “Alright, Haz. Off to bed with you, yeah?”

Harry got up, albeit reluctantly, and gave the three wizards a small pout. “I won’t be able to sleep at all, you know. It’s like Christmas.”

“You say that every Christmas,” James replied as he stood up. “And every Christmas you’re out early and beg me for a lie-in when I try and get you up.”

“Liar!” Harry declared, but he was grinning as he walked to the sofa and with one arm each, threw them round Remus and Sirius. “Thanks. For you know, showing up and making life less boring.”

Remus felt his emotions welling again as he gave Harry a small pat on the back. Sirius said nothing, but it was clear he was only barely holding it together. 

“Night, Harry. We’ll see you in the morning,” Remus replied.

Harry gave them one last look before hurrying off down to his bedroom. James shuffled his feet a bit, ruffling his hair up. “I should make sure he’s actually getting into bed. You er…you’ll wait here?”

“We’ve no plans to be anywhere else,” Sirius replied.

“Good. I’ve got whiskey. Muggle sort but it’ll do.”

“Aye,” Remus replied, getting up. “I’ll fetch it. You go on.”

James did so, and Remus ventured into the kitchen where he found the liquor stored in the cabinet above the cooker. He got the bottle down, with three large glasses and filled them each with more than they ought to have, but it was a more-than-they-ought-to-have sort of night.

He carried them back to the lounge, offering Sirius one, then setting James’ on the low table before he sat back down with his own.

“Not sure I should get pissed,” Sirius muttered before taking a long drink and grimacing. “I’m not entirely in control right now.”

Remus squeezed his knee. “It’ll get easier.”

“I know,” he breathed, scrubbing his face. “Merlin but he’s like James.”

Remus smiled a little, but didn’t say anything as he sipped on the whiskey and waited for James to come out. The two men assumed it would take longer than normal. They assumed Harry had a thousand and one questions, and a half hour had gone by before James finally appeared, looking worn and unsure.

Remus nodded toward the drink, and then shifted over so they could share the sofa as James snatched it up and took the whole thing down in one go. Letting out a low growl in the back of his throat at the burn, he swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, then dropped to the sofa.

“Well lads,” he said, looking at them.

There was a tense silence, then Remus started to giggle. He shoved the sleeve of his jumper over his mouth, but there was no stopping it. Sirius glanced at him, looking briefly horrified before he too joined in. James’ mouth quirked, then, like an avalanche, they were gasping for breath. James had his hand on Remus’ knee, Sirius leant over the arm of the sofa, and it just carried on.

James, of course, was the first one to stop, and he let out a sigh. “Fuck me.”

“You said it, mate,” Sirius said, tipping his glass at his old friend.

“We’re really going to do this, aren’t we? I’m really being dragged back into this.” James ruffled his hair once more.

Remus glanced at him, lips still twitching. “Looks like. You alright with it?”

James stared at them for a very long time before he answered. “Not that I have much choice, but I will say only because it’s down to you two. And for that reason alone I know at least Harry will be protected.”

*** 

Breakfast was tense, James rising early to do a full English only because he’d recently taken up stress-cooking. Remus and Sirius had charmed the sofa into a bed, waking sometime during the frying of bacon and sausages, and Harry rose shortly after that.

He stepped into the lounge just as Remus was waving his wand, sending the sofa back to it’s original state with a small pop.

“Wicked,” Harry breathed.

Remus looked over and smiled. “One of the more useful charms.”

Harry quirked a brow, then smiled. “Good to know. I mean, I don’t reckon making glowing flowers is entirely useful in life.”

“It is when you have a small baby who refuses to sleep, and his godfather is all out of options,” Sirius said, coming out from the loo. “You loved those, by the way. Could entertain you for hours.”

Harry’s cheeks went a bit pink. “What else did I like?”

“Books,” Remus said immediately. “You loved muggle stories.”

“You got that from him,” Sirius said, jutting his chin in the direction of Remus. 

Harry laughed. “Well I still like reading. Muggle stuff I guess, as I’ve not got a chance to see any wizarding literature.”

“You’ll get plenty of it today,” James piped up from round the corner. “Also breakfast’s ready. I have coffee and tea.”

“Tea,” both Remus and Sirius said together.

They made their way to the kitchen, all sat round the small table, and served themselves. No one said much as they tucked in, though Harry was glancing between all the adults, waiting for something to happen.

“Er…what time are we going?” Harry eventually asked.

“Soon as you finish,” James replied.

“Are we getting there by magic?”

“I reckon we’ll just drive. My car will fit everyone.” James leant his elbow on the table and gave Remus and Sirius a pointed look.

Sirius, however, was shaking his head. “I’m not leaving Maggie. Also I do recall promising a certain someone a go on it for his birthday.”

“No,” James said at the same time as Harry jumped up. When the boy deflated, James let out a sigh. “It’s dangerous.”

“It isn’t,” Sirius defended. “I’ll have you know I’m very responsible with her.”

“She flies,” James stressed.

“Not in muggle neighbourhoods,” Sirius ground out. “And I use cushioning charms otherwise Re wouldn’t even get on with me.”

“He’s right,” Remus interjected, hating that he was defending Sirius’ death-rocket. “He’s taken her all over sodding Europe, Jamie. I think it would be alright, especially if we’re right behind.”

Harry’s eyes went wide, snapping over to his dad. “He just called you Jamie.”

“So?” Sirius asked.

Harry looked over at his godfather. “He hates that. Nearly punched this bloke in the mouth for doing it. You’re not going to punch Remus, are you?”

James shook his head, looking a bit sheepish. “These two are allowed. They used to call me that a lot. Back at school. It only bothers me when…when other people do it.”

There was that tension again, settling back into their midst. Eventually Harry turned pleading eyes back on his dad. “They both say it’s safe. And you’ll be right there. Please. It’s my birthday!”

“It was your birthday yesterday,” James started.

“Which got postponed and all…taken over by your friends showing up and announcing magic and godfathering and everything,” Harry almost shouted. “It’s only fair.”

Sirius grinned wolfishly at James who eventually deflated and shrugged. “Fine. I mean, three against one is hardly fair but…fine.”

Harry whooped and ran off to get his shoes. When he was gone, Sirius leant back in his chair and crossed his arms. “There’s not going to be some Death Eater attack, you know. And I’m not drunk, and I actually do care that he gets to where we’re going safe and in one piece.”

James scrubbed his face. “I know. I know I’m a little mental about him. But after Lily died I…” James swallowed thickly. “He was all I had.”

Remus felt his heart constrict and he reached over, giving James’ hand a squeeze. “We get it. If you really don’t want him to…”

“He won’t let it go and honestly, it’s fine. I owe him simply for the fact that he had a world of shit dumped on his head last night and he’s taking it all rather well.” James let out a breath and rose. “Er…either of you mind sorting the food?”

Sirius rose, taking out his wand, and snorted a laugh. “I never thought I’d see the day that James Fleamont Potter was living like a muggle. Washing dishes, using electricity, driving a car.” He waved his wand and the food quickly packed itself up and put itself away for later use. “Remember when Lily’s wanker of a brother in law tried to take the piss by asking about your car?”

Remus’ eyes lit up as he laughed. “Right! And you started telling him about your Nimbus.”

“Goes two hundred kilometres on a good day, if I catch the wind just right,” Sirius said, mocking James’ tone with a laugh. “Great with the cushioning too, could ride it all day. Cost me nearly three hundred galleons but it was worth it!”

Remus and James were both chuckling. “I’d forgotten about that,” James said, sounding a little fond. “Reckon the one good thing of all this was Harry never got to know them. The way they treated Lily…”

“We know,” Sirius said, his voice turning a bit dark. “We remember.”

Before the mood could turn sour, Harry returned, shrugging on his jacket and stumbling over the laces to his trainers which were not done up. He huffed, going down to his knees, and made a couple of loose bows.

“I’m ready,” he declared when he was finished. “Can we go? Is it time?”

James smiled at his son, then went to the table to fetch the Hogwarts Letter before beckoning everyone to the front door. “Alright well…Sirius I don’t think I need to remind you…”

“No Jamie. You don’t.” Sirius’ voice was a bit sharper than normal, and Remus let out a small sigh, putting his hand on Sirius’ arm.

“Love, it’s okay.”

Sirius took a breath, heading out the door first with Remus trailing him to the kerb where Maggie was parked. “I get it. I get why he’s nervous. I get why he’s protective. But I can’t…I’m not…”

Remus took Sirius by the face and kissed him very softly. “Just breathe. Enjoy the ride with Harry. We have the rest of our lives to get past this.”

Sirius licked his lips, then glanced over at James and Harry who were just coming down the steps. “Yeah. Alright.” He took a step back and beckoned his godson over. “Alright, Harry? Not nervous?”

Harry was grinning from ear to ear. “Does it really fly?”

“Well er…not today,” Sirius said. “We’re going to travel through Muggle London.” He reached into the storage and pulled out a shrunken helmet. With a wave of his wand, it popped to a standard size and he fitted it to Harry’s head. “There. All sorted.”

James was fidgeting, so Remus walked over and nudged him. “I swear he’ll be okay.”

James nodded, ruffling his hair. “I know, I just…”

“Get in the car,” Remus said.

James let out a huff, but obeyed. Remus was quick to follow after a pointed look at Sirius, and he shut the door very carefully. The car was a bit of a mess. A few take-away paper coffee cups on the floor, a stack of papers on the back seat.

“Sirius is right. This is really bizarre. You were the boy who’d never heard of a television before I met you. Had never been near electricity.”

James barked a laugh, shaking his head as he switched the car on. “You’ve no idea how long it took me, Re. For the first three years of Harry’s life it was a mess. No wand, no magic, just sort of…reading books and trying to remember what I learnt in Muggle Studies in fourth year and all that shit we got up to during the summer hols with you in Sirius’ stupid muggle flat.”

Remus laughed again. “Well you did alright, yeah?”

James shrugged. “Depends on who you ask, I reckon.”

Just then, Sirius revved the bike’s engine, then took off out of the driveway fast enough to make James suck in his breath, though not an unreasonable speed. Remus squeezed James’ shoulder. “He’s going to be fine.”

“I know.” James pulled out, and kept a safe distance behind the bike as they made their way toward London. “It’s not just that, you know. It’s…well everything, really.”

“I reckon almost ten years you start to think the life you’re in is just it. Forever.”

James smiled, shaking his head. “You know, when things were bad…I’d fantasise about you two accidentally happening upon the village. Or me at work. Or…I dunno. Running into Harry on his way home from school. I’d take a thousand punches in the mouth from Sirius if I could go back and just keep you both. If I could find the strength to tell Albus to sod off and that he wasn’t going to take my family away from me.”

“You were grieving. You agreed before he let you had time to process,” Remus said, his tone very careful. “I’m angry, James. And not at you.”

“Sirius is.”

Remus barked a laugh. “Yes. But he’s also Sirius. He’s changed but he’s still…he’s still himself. He’s rash and consumed with his feelings. He lost you and Harry that night. He lost Lily. Very nearly lost me.” Remus then told James about what happened the night he was found out by the wolf pack. About the torture, about Peter, about showing up at Sirius’ thinking he was dying but knowing with his dying breath he was protecting his friends. “I thought I’d got there in time,” Remus finished, not able to look at James.

“I…” James took a breath. “When it first happened, the first night I was in that house alone with Harry just…completely alone and knowing that was it for us, I found myself wishing Sirius hadn’t sent the patronus. Because then we’d at least have been dead together. Harry screamed for her. For weeks. I didn’t think I could do it.” James scrubbed a hand down his face. “Then one day he just stopped asking for her. Stopped saying mumma. And one day I realised that my son didn’t remember her. He didn’t know her. She was a photograph on a mantle, a handful of stories—all tainted with lies because he couldn’t know about the magic. And I thought, what if it had been me as well? And one day Harry woke up wherever he was, alive, but with no memory of me. And I wasn’t angry anymore, and I stopped wishing I’d gone with her.”

Remus didn’t know what to say, so instead he curled his hand over James’ shoulder and held it there. It was enough. For the moment.

*** 

They parked both Maggie and James’ car a few streets away from the Leaky Cauldron. The four of them stood on the street, a little unsure of what to do next, Harry bouncing and looking round like he expected the street to be full of wizards and witches.

“So Gringotts, I reckon,” Remus said, looking over the list. “Have you got Galleons still, James?”

James snorted. “My dad was Fleamont Potter, Re. I’ve got Galleons.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes, rich boy, how could I forget. You remember that boy, few years behind us. Lockhart?”

James pulled a face. “Barely. Ravenclaw, yeah? Bit barmy?”

“Got famous,” Sirius said with a snort. “Loves your dad’s hair potions as well. Any inheritance you’ve made from it, you can thank him.”

“Right. Remind me to do that,” James said without a hint of sincerity in his voice.

“Dad, I didn’t understand a single word of that,” Harry complained.

“You will,” James promised. He looked at the Leaky Cauldron with some hesitation. “Does…do…people know? About me and Harry?”

“Reckon they might,” Remus said. “It’s all down to Dumbledore and there’s no doubt he’s spread the word. I mean, you two were presumed dead, and he never stopped us at the funeral, but there were never bodies so I think people might have assumed…”

“Right,” James breathed. “Right. Fuck.”

At this, Sirius abandoned his desire to be cross and pulled James in for a one-armed hug. “You know we’re with you, right? It’ll be fine.”

James nodded, a look of comfort and relief passing on his face. Remus beckoned Harry along ahead of him. “Look, why don’t I take Harry inside. You two can go through the other entrance. Apparate in. Harry and I can maybe visit Florean’s shop? Meet us there after Gringott’s?”

James looked relieved, and nodded as he and Sirius turned and headed for an alley. Harry looked up at Remus with a frown. “What’s Apparate?”

“The ability to disappear and reappear. You’ll learn that when you’re seventeen.”

Harry pulled a face. “Seventeen?”

“It’s the law,” Remus said patiently. With his hand on Harry’s shoulder, he beckoned the boy toward the Cauldron, but paused by the door. “People might know you, Harry. So…be prepared. And don’t leave my side, alright?”

Harry, for the first time, actually looked a bit scared and was all-but pressed up against Remus’ side. With a smile, Remus opened the door and drew Harry in directly to the dimly lit pub. It was quiet, only a few people sitting having a drink or pint, but as Remus’ eyes scanned them, he spotted a very tall, very bushy, very large man with his massive fingers curled round a stein.

“Come with me,” Remus murmured to Harry, pulling the boy along. He stopped by the table and gave Hagrid a very big smile. “Alright there, Hagrid?”

Hagrid looked up, first at Remus, then at the boy. “Remus?” He was on his feet then, engulfing the werewolf into a massive hug. “What in Merlin’s name you doin’ round these parts? Though’ you an’ Black were working somewhere Muggle?”

“Ah yes we do have a shop. We’re er... here for Harry’s Hogwarts shopping.” Remus gave a cautious look at the boy who was staring up at Hagrid with wide, nervous eyes.

Hagrid paused, like he’d been frozen in place. “Tha’s not Harry Potter, is it?”

Remus nodded. “I suppose Albus mentioned?”

“Tha’ he did.” Hagrid stared again. “Where’s James?”

“With Sirius, at Gringott’s,” Remus said. “Harry, this is Rubeus Hagrid. You’ll be seeing quite a lot of him at Hogwarts, I expect.”

“Hullo,” Harry said, sticking out his hand.

Hagrid stared at it, then yanked the boy in for a hug. “Can’ believe I’m seen yeh, Harry! You was just a baby las’ time I was round.”

Harry let out a muffled squeak as Hagrid hugged him, then was pulled away. “Er…sorry I don’t remember,” the boy offered.

Hagrid laughed. “Don’t ‘spect you would. Small thing, you was. On yer mum’s knee, an’ yer dad.”

“I think James would love it if you’d come and say hello,” Remus ventured.

“Well I’m off to Gringott’s actually, errand for Dumbledore.” Hagrid patted his pocket, then reached down for his stein, draining it in one go. “So I reckon I might just do that. Might have a word with Potter, I might. Disappearin’ all those years.”

“Well it wasn’t his fault,” Harry interjected, his tone a bit harsh.

“Course it wasn’t,” Hagrid said quickly. “I was only jokin’.”

As they headed out, they bumped into a wiry sort of man, looking decidedly nervous, and staring very pointedly at Harry. “Sorry there,” Hagrid said, clapping the man on the shoulder. “Oh Harry. This man is set to be your Defence Against the Dark Arts professor this year. Professor Quirrell.”

“Pleasure,” Quirrell said, seeming a bit distracted.

Harry nodded. “Hullo.”

Remus didn’t know this man at all, but he did know Defence professors never lasted over a year, so he gave the man a polite smile as they walked through the door and into the alley. “This is the muggle entrance,” Remus explained. He pointed to the brick above the bins, and Hagrid gave it a tap. The wall then melted away, revealing Diagon Alley, and Remus remembered all the years he and his parents—sometimes he and his friends—had gone for their Hogwarts supplies. Seeing the look on Harry’s face was worth it, and his heart both ached and sang as it had been nine long years of believing he would never get to do this with Harry.

“Wow,” Harry breathed as they walked along the streets. It was as Remus remembered it. Shops lining the street, witches and wizards muddling along with children in tow. The crowd was massive as the start of term was looming and everyone was eager to get their things sorted so they could be on their way and enjoy the rest of the summer hols.

“A wand shop?” Harry asked as they passed by Ollivanders.

“We’ll be headed there in a bit,” Remus promised. “Come on, we’ve to meet your dad and Sirius at Florean’s.”

“Well I’ll see if I can catch them up at Gringott’s,” Hagrid said. “Harry, I’ll be seeing yeh start of term.” 

Harry smiled. “Bye, Hagrid!” When he was gone, Harry turned wide, green eyes onto Remus. “He was massive.”

Remus nodded. “He is, indeed. He’s keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts. He’s not a wizard, per se. Expelled in his third year, I believe. Dumbledore kept him on though. He’s…well he’s got a soft spot for what he believes are students being treated unfairly, Dumbledore. Had a bit of something like that in my day. He fought for me.” Remus and Sirius had decided against telling Harry about his monthly problem. At least straight away.

Harry, however, was too overcome by the sight of magical things, that he let it go. Instead his eye was drawn to the broom shop where their newest model was displayed in the window. “Is that…a real broom? Do wizards fly on brooms?”

Remus laughed. “They do, indeed. In fact, our first year your dad brought all of us brooms as gifts. We weren’t allowed to keep them at Hogwarts until second year. He was a bit broom mad though.”

Harry walked up to the shop, pressing his hand against the window. “That’s fantastic.”

Remus laughed again. “Come on, or they’ll be panicking.”

Harry’s face fell. “Yeah. Dad gets a bit deranged when it comes to me not being where I ought. Guess it makes more sense now. With the whole…well, near death thing.”

Remus felt his stomach drop a bit, but beckoned Harry along to the colourful ice cream shop where he bought him a massive sundae. They sat outside to wait for James and Sirius.

“Were you there?” Harry asked after a bit, pushing one of the many cherries round the dish. “When er…when it all happened. With my mum and…you know?”

Remus swallowed thickly. “I was not. I was on a mission. I got some information which I thought might help save your parents.” His voice started to shake and he cleared his throat. “I attempted to reach them in time, but I was injured.”

Harry’s eyes flickered round Remus’ face, and he knew the boy was looking at the scars. He didn’t have the heart to tell him those were from other, terrible days in his youth. “But you saved my dad.”

“Sirius did,” Remus said. “I got to Sirius in time. He and I were…well it was dark times. We didn’t trust each other much. We should have, but in times of terrible war, people are capable of terrible things.”

Harry licked his lips, then stared down at his ice cream. “And the wizard who killed my mum…the one no one talks about…”

“Voldemort,” Remus said, very quietly so no one else might hear. “He was powerful. He was not a good person.”

Harry let out a breath. “Have there been others like him as well?”

“Once or twice in history. Most of us are very good, Harry. Just like anyone else you might meet. Only instead of using muggle technology, we use magic. Well…some of us.”

“Hagrid said you have a muggle shop,” Harry pointed out. “What sort?”

“Books and records. Sirius loves records.” Remus smiled fondly. “He travels a lot and finds old and rare collectable things. After you and your dad…well after we assumed you had…” Remus stopped, not able to say it. “Well being round all this stuff that reminded us of you two was painful. So we got a little house and opened a little shop. It was alright for me, you know. I grew up with a muggle mother, so I was used to it. In fact, during some of our hols, James and Sirius—mostly Sirius—dragged me all round muggle London, getting me to teach them. They’re purebloods.”

Harry blinked. “All magic families, right?”

Remus nodded. “Your family, the Potters, were all very lovely. Wonderful sorts. Sirius’ however were…less than. Several of his family members were in line with the Dark Lord.”

Harry winced. “Oh. Er.”

“Sirius had distanced himself from it as early on as he could,” Remus explained quickly. “He doesn’t talk about them much.”

Harry fiddled with his ice cream, then pushed it away. His head snapped up as he saw his dad and Sirius coming down the street, and Remus breathed with relief at the distraction. These old, horrid memories were less than easy to swallow, as much as Harry deserved to know them.

“Alright, Haz?” James asked, plonking down next to his son. He pulled what was left of the sundae over. “Getting a bit spoilt, I see.”

“I’ve got a few years to make up for,” Remus explained as Sirius sat next to him. “All sorted, are you?”

James nodded, then pulled out his wand from his back pocket and gave it a wave. The melted ice cream refroze. “Wasn’t sure I could, after all this time.”

Sirius gave a snort. “James bloody Potter can’t work a freezing charm. That will be the day.”

James smiled a little as he took a bite. “Merlin, I missed this.”

*** 

The day itself passed rather quickly. Sirius was quiet, Remus the voice of reason when James wanted to buy Harry the Nimbus 2,000—“He can’t have a broom yet, James. Just wait. Just…just wait.” They got Harry’s potions supplies, quills and ink, all of his school books, and eventually an owl. She was a massive, snowy-white who flew from her perch and landed on Harry’s shoulder with a look that said, “Well, it’s time for you to take me home.”

They went to purchase a trunk for Harry to take everything to school in, leaving the last two stops robes and his wand.

“Alright, we just need to…” James began, but he stopped when a tall, rather imposing looking man with dark skin and a very faint smile approached.

“Kingsley,” Remus said, smiling.

He approached. “Sirius, Remus.”

“James, this is Kingsley. He works at the Ministry,” Remus said. “Auror. One of the top in the department.”

Kingsley and James exchanged handshakes. “I was hoping I might have a word, Mr Potter,” Kingsley said, and his eyes narrowed in a knowing way.

James shifted. “Well, I was just taking my son…” He stopped when Kingsley’s eyes flickered to the scar on Harry’s forehead.

“Let me,” Remus said, putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Sirius, go on with them. We’ll meet you at Ollivander’s.”

James looked decidedly nervous, but agreed and gave his son’s hair a ruffle. “Alright, Haz? You don’t mind?”

“Nah, I’m fine,” Harry said.

Remus watched the pair walk off, then he gestured for Harry to go in. Madame Malkin’s shop was nearly empty save for one other boy who was being measured by tape as Madame Malkin herself jotted down the numbers. She looked up at Remus, then at Harry.

“Be with you shortly.”

Remus gestured for Harry to have a seat. Just before he took his own, he spotted Hagrid outside. “Harry, I’m just going to nip out for a second and speak with Hagrid. You mind?”

Harry shook his head, grinning. “I’m alright.”

Remus nodded. “I won’t go far. You’ll see me right through the window.” Heading out of the shop, Remus called out to Hagrid who turned and smiled. “Alright there? Did you find James and Sirius?”

Hagrid smiled as he came to a stop just outside of the shop window. “Tha’ I did. Was good ter see him, James. Seemed a bit…”

“Yeah,” Remus breathed. “It’s been surreal. I understand why Albus kept it a secret but it doesn’t make it any _easier_ to handle.”

Hagrid’s face fell a bit behind the massive, bushy beard. “That Sirius seemed right put out. Much quieter than he’s ever been.”

“He spent nine long years mourning the death of his best friends and godson,” Remus pointed out. “It’s no easy task realising two of the three are alive and well, and that nine years was wasted.”

Hagrid let out a sniff and turned his head away. “We was all sad, you know. James an’ Lily were important to everyone.”

Remus drew his hands back through his hair. “Well we’ve got Harry and James back, so no sense in mourning further. Has er…Albus mentioned anything lately? About…anything.”

Hagrid gave him a long, slow look. “I reckon he’ll be in touch soon. Sure yeh’ve heard rumours.”

Remus bit down on the inside of his cheek. “Sirius and I try to avoid those sorts of things. But if he’s got James and Harry out of hiding, I don’t know what to think.”

Hagrid reached out with a massive hand and gave Remus a hard pat on the shoulder. “Don’ worry too much. With Dumbledore on our side, not much’ll go wrong.”

Remus nodded, but there was a sinking feeling in his gut. They had Dumbledore on their side before, and thanks to his imposed secrecy, Sirius and Remus nearly lost everything. It was by chance, by some sliver of fate, they’d managed to skirt death themselves—and destroying what was left of their fragile relationship.

But it was no use dumping this all on Hagrid. “Well I’d better get inside,” Remus said. He turned just as the blonde boy from inside stepped out. He fixed Remus and Hagrid with a hard stare, and Remus was startled to see eyes very similar to Sirius’ on the boy’s face.

Then another face—too familiar and unwanted, walk into view. Lucius Malfoy. He fixed Hagrid and Remus with a sneer, then put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Come along, Draco. Let’s move away from the riff raff.”

Remus huffed, turning back to Hagrid. “He’s got a son?”

Hagrid was glaring. “Those Malfoys are…”

“Let’s not,” Remus said. “Honestly. It’s…it’s all over. I’ll see you later.”

Hagrid tipped him a wave, then ambled off down the street as Remus went back in. Harry was having the last of his measurements done, then he hopped down as Madame Malkin filled out the delivery forms.

“Just send them to mine,” Remus said absently, giving her the address. “We’ll be seeing you long before the start of term.”

Harry nodded, glancing out the window. “Er, Remus?”

He lifted a brow at Harry. “Yes?”

“What’s a Slytherin or Hufflepuff?”

Remus blinked, then sat. “Oh. Er.” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I forgot how much you don’t know. Blimey.” He then gave Harry a quick run-down of the Hogwarts Houses. “You’ll be sorted,” he said when he finished explaining them. “During the start of term feast. Then you’ll see your dormitory and your dorm mates.”

Harry was staring at him, now looking a bit apprehensive. “It’s not like regular—er I mean muggle school, is it? I mean, I won’t come home. No…no exeat weekends?”

“Not as such, no,” Remus said. 

“Is dad…I mean, d’you think he’ll be alright?”

Remus smiled. “You know he’s got us now. Or well…again, as it is. Sirius and me.”

Harry nodded. “What house were you in?”

“Gryffindor. Your dad, Sirius, and I were. We met on the train.” Remus smiled fondly at the memories. “Your dad hexed one of the Slytherins when he caught them bullying Sirius. We fought in the corridor of the train. My robes got torn and Sirius’ face got bloodied up. It was your dad’s first of many, many detentions.”

Harry snorted. “That’s hard to imagine. He’s so…stodgy.”

Remus swallowed against a lump in his throat. “Well…times change. But I think we were all hoping to get sorted into the same house. Sirius was worried, all his family had been in Slytherin and he wanted…distance.”

Harry frowned. “That boy who was here before said he would be in Slytherin.”

Remus shrugged. “A lot of families tend to be sorted into the same houses. Your dad comes from a long line of Gryffindors.”

“And yours?”

“Well my dad was a Ravenclaw, actually. My mum was a muggle—though I like to think she’d have been Gryffindor. Brave, fantastic woman, she was.”

Harry looked at him. “She’s…I mean she…?”

“Died?” Remus nodded. “She did. Over a summer I spent with Sirius and your dad and mum. Summer before our seventh year.”

“Sorry,” Harry said.

Remus squeezed his shoulder. “It’s alright.” With that, he stood up, groaning at the creak in his bones. “We should head out, though. Your wand’s the last thing. Then we can have tea before going home.”

“Will you be coming with us again?” Harry asked. His eyes were alight with hope, and Remus shuffled his feet toward the door, unsure what to say.

“I’ll have to see what we’ve got going on. Sirius and I run a shop and I’ll need to be there tomorrow. But…we’ll chat with your dad.”

Harry nodded as he followed Remus to the street. “I mean, I could stay over with you two as well, right? For a weekend? Maybe see your shop? And maybe Sirius can show me how the motorbike flies? And do you have a broom? Because I’d love to see how those work? And different spells…”

Remus smiled quietly as the boy rambled on during the short journey up the street to Ollivander’s. When they got closer, they saw Sirius and James outside, but Kingsley was nowhere in sight. James looked a bit bemused, and Sirius almost furious.

“Robes are sorted,” Remus said, looking between the two men. “Alright here?”

James said nothing, then took Harry by the shoulder. “Come on, let’s get your wand. Meet you two in a minute?”

Sirius gave a curt nod as James and Harry went inside, and when the door banged shut, Remus took his hand.

“Spill, Black.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “They want him to join the Aurors. Dumbledore put in a word,” he spat.

Remus’ stomach sank. “He’s been gone nine years and they’re already starting again?”

Sirius squeezed Remus’ fingers before letting them go. “He’s thinking about it, he says. He needs time to ponder, but wouldn’t it make sense,” Sirius mocked James’ voice, “if I considered it. If Harry’s going to be a wizard and I don’t have to hide anymore, shouldn’t I have a proper job?”

Remus worried his bottom lip before taking the risk and asking, “Well, isn’t he right a bit?”

Sirius looked murderous. “Remus, I swear to Merlin…”

“I’m not saying any of us should find ourselves back under Albus’ thumb. But James needs a place here. And you two were Aurors before…everything. It’s all he’s known.”

Sirius gulped then leant against the building, his eyes closing. “He wanted to play Quidditch, remember?” His voice took on a fond note. “Wanted to be professional. Could have. Teams were interested that last year. He was captain. One of the best flyers, best chasers. Won us the cup. He didn’t want to fight.”

“I know,” Remus breathed.

“Whatever happened before, after Lily…” Sirius cleared his throat. “It’s not over. And there’s something James isn’t telling us. About why he went into hiding.”

Remus lowered his eyes. “I know. I’ve known there was something we were missing. But we can’t force him to tell us.”

Sirius let out a growl, but let Remus pull him in for a swift kiss. “I love you, Sirius. And we’ve got them back and it’s going to be alright.”

Sirius put his face in the crook of Remus’ neck and breathed him in. “But you don’t know that. Somehow, after all this, we managed to get lucky. It might not happen a second time.”

*** 

James came back into the lounge for the sixth time that night, a confused look on his face. “He’s really asleep.”

“Has been for the last two hours,” Remus pointed out.

Looking slightly ashamed, James dropped into his armchair. “I expected him to be up all night demanding answers. To…well everything.”

Remus looked at him carefully. “He will. Tomorrow. He’ll want to know about Hogwarts and Quidditch and spells. And he’ll want to know what we did during the war, and how Lily died.”

James swallowed thickly. “I know,” he whispered.

Sirius’ hands clenched into fists. “If you want us to stay…”

“I do,” James blurted, “but I also need time with him alone. To process. I lied to my son. For nine long years I lied to him.”

Remus nodded, reaching out to take one of Sirius’ tense hands. “Come by the shop, yeah?”

James nodded, then looked at his friends carefully. “His wand shares a core with Voldemort’s.”

There was a tense stillness in the room, almost suffocating before Sirius said, “What?”

James let out a high laugh, shaking his head. “Ollivander told him. Told him the wand that chose him shared a core with the one who killed his mum. Who gave him the scar.” James rubbed a hand down his face and shuddered. “How the hell am I going to explain that to him?”

“Just like you will everything else. Then you’ll bring him by the shop and we’ll all go have tea together and come by ours,” Remus said matter-of-factly.

James looked at him, then barked a laugh. “Never did stop being the reasonable one, did you, Re?”

“Reasonable, mad, it all sounds the same when it comes to you two.” Remus gave Sirius a pat, then rose and beckoned him up. James got up as well, and the three of them went to the door, preparing to part again, which was not so easy as it seemed.

“I won’t go,” James said quietly, and reached out for Sirius’ shoulder. “I mean, I won’t go anywhere. If you show up here tomorrow, we’ll be here.”

Sirius gave a curt nod, then let out a shaking breath as James pulled him in and kissed him on the mouth as he’d done countless times in their youth. “I will find you and murder you if you disappear again,” Sirius breathed, gripping James by the shoulders and not letting him go.

James smiled, then carefully stepped away, turning toward Remus. Remus didn’t wait. He took James by the cheeks and kissed him firm and hard on the mouth, lingering and afraid to let go. “And I’ll be queued up next to him ready to curse your bollocks off because you won’t be able to run, James Potter. We will find you.”

James gripped Remus’ wrists tight. “I know you will.”

Then it was time to go. So they did, without much of a word after that. The front door shut with Harry and James behind it, Sirius and Remus on the step. Hands linked, warm palms pressed together, they took to the bike.

Remus didn’t protest when Sirius activated the flying charm. The ride home was faster, done in five minutes before they were sat out front of their small cottage. Neither moved straight away. Remus was holding Sirius tight round the waist, his chin resting on Sirius’ shoulder. The night was waning on, the half-moon perched in the sky.

“You can’t see me yet. My star.”

Remus looked up at the sky, then let out a breath. “I know, not for another month or two.”

Sirius tugged Remus even closer, bowing his head and breathing out slow and steady. “I’m not sure I can process everything just yet. I just…I want to go inside. I want to go inside and get in our bed and hold you. Is that alright?”

Remus shifted off the bike, coming to stand in front of Sirius. He pinched Sirius’ chin, making his lover look at him, and he gave a firm nod. “Yes,” he said, his tone fierce. “It’s alright. I’m yours, remember. I’m yours and I haven’t left you and I _won’t_.”

Sirius let out another trembling breath, then let Remus pull him inside. Their home brought the smells of comfort. Of nine years of mourning, of relying on each other, of thinking they’d never be whole again. And they wouldn’t be, not entirely. Lily was still dead, and Peter was still a traitor, but things had changed. 

As Remus tucked Sirius into his middle, spooning him tight and covered by the heavy duvet, he knew there was darkness ahead. But they could do it together. He would not lose sight of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: James adjusts to being back in the Wizarding World, some grieving, and the events of the Philosopher's Stone ensue (as told from the Marauder's PoV)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took ages and ages. I had no idea how long it would take to encompass an outside view on Philosopher's Stone. I skipped quite a lot since it was from Harry's POV. And threw in some Wolfstar smut because it's been ages.

“Lousy with muggles today,” Sirius muttered.

Remus let out the smallest snort, his head shaking. “It’s Kings Cross, Sirius. Who did you expect to be here?”

“I’m just nervous.” Sirius drew his fingers through his long hair, swearing a bit when his knuckles caught on a few knots. “Buggering fuck.”

There was the tiniest gasp from behind them, and Remus turned his head to see Harry with slightly pink cheeks at Sirius’ foul mouth. “Sirius,” Remus growled.

Sirius huffed, then turned round. “Sorry, Harry. I’m just…”

“Like dad?” Harry offered, glancing back at James who walked several paces behind Harry. He looked a bit green, truth be told, his hands clenched in fists and Remus assumed it was to keep them from shaking.

“It’s just up there,” Remus said, desperate to take the attention off the fact that they were walking Harry Potter up to the Hogwarts Express. Something they’d spent nine long years believing they wouldn’t get a chance to do. He elbowed Sirius, and leant his head in. “Go and sort James out, please. I’ll get Harry up to the barrier.”

Giving Sirius something to focus on was apparently the right choice, because he immediately perked up and hung back. Remus fell in step next to Harry and the trolley bearing his trunk, supplies, and massive cage with the snowy owl, Hedwig.

“Nervous?”

Harry shrugged. “I mean, yeah. This is all…well it’s weird, you know? I have no idea what to expect. Even all the stuff you and Sirius told me, and dad, it feels…”

“Like it won’t be real until you get there?” Remus offered, and Harry nodded. “I understand, you know. I grew up muggle. Well, mostly.” He paused for a second to think about however muggle he had grown up, he’d turned into a slavering monster once a full moon and that was hardly muggle behaviour. “Either way, it was all a rather large shock for me.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

They approached the space where Harry would have to slip through, and Remus paused. James and Sirius had stalled in their pace, and were leant against the wall, talking quietly. Remus checked his watch as he nodded to Harry, noting they had plenty of time before they had to go through.

“Sure, go on.”

Harry took a breath. “What if I don’t make it into Gryffindor?”

Remus blinked. “Well, that’s alright.”

“Because I mean, dad says it’s alright, but you can see that funny look he gets when I ask him what he’d do if I got Slytherin or something. That weird, twitchy thing.” Harry waggled his fingers by his temple, making Remus laugh.

“Oh I know it. And…well I think there would be part of him that’s disappointed. But he’d get over it.”

“You sure? Because the way he says the word Slytherin, it sounds like he’s scraping gum off the bottom of his shoe.”

Remus let out a sigh. “When we were at school, the war was growing bigger and a lot of people in that house turned out to be very bad people. Doesn’t mean they all were. The head was a really good bloke, Harry, and not everyone turned into Death Eaters. But it doesn’t mean there’s not some lingering bad feelings. Especially as the aftermath…well you know.”

“Killed my mum and tore dad’s entire world apart?” Harry offered.

Remus blinked. “Er. Well, bluntly—yes.”

Harry leant on the handle of the trolley. “Well I mean, it’s not like I have any control, so I guess whatever happens, happens.”

Remus opened his mouth to say something, at least attempt to be comforting, but before he could, there was a voice behind him. “Watch out you lot. Come on, barrier’s straight ahead. Look there’s another with an owl, he’s for the train.”

The voice was very familiar, one Remus hadn’t heard in years. Turning his head, he spotted a face which caused his insides to squirm. Molly Weasley and trailing behind her four boys with trolleys.

She started to pass, then froze and stared. “Remus Lupin?”

He chanced a very small smile. “Molly. How are you?”

“What in the world?” She glanced over at Harry and blinked. “He’s…oh Merlin.”

Harry blinked owlishly at her. 

“James?” she asked, her voice wavering a bit. “When we got the owl from Dumbledore we thought it might be…well we assumed it could be…” She cleared her throat as Remus nodded behind him to where James and Sirius were still talking.

Molly’s hand, the one not gripping her youngest girl’s, flew to her mouth. “Merlin,” she breathed again.

Clearing his throat loudly, Remus said, “Molly Weasley, this is Harry. Harry, this is Molly Weasley. She worked with me and Sirius and your mum and dad. Back during the war.”

“Hallo,” Harry said very carefully, not sure what to do.

Molly seemed to snap out of it, and she gave him a warm smile. “Excited for Hogwarts, dear? It’s Ron’s first time as well.” She nodded over to her children who were all staring in a bit of confused wonder. Remus spotted the youngest straight away, and was amused at just how much they all looked like a mix of both parents.

“Er. Yeah. Pretty excited,” Harry said mildly.

“I see you’ve got a prefect there, Molly,” Remus said jovially. “Good work.”

Molly grinned. “Absolutely, yes. We’re very proud.”

There was an uncomfortable silence, then Remus said, “Well don’t let me stop you lot. Go on through, and we can catch up on the platform, yeah?”

“Of course, yes.” Molly turned and began to bark orders at her boys. Remus watched as the twins spent a few moments winding her up, then disappeared through the barrier.

“How’d they do that?” Harry breathed.

“Oh er…you just…well you just walk straight through, actually,” Remus said. “Best way is to look casual, so the muggles don’t notice but you can take it at a bit of a run since it’s your first time.”

Harry watched Ron slip through with his trolley, then Molly and the girl. “Alright. Shall I now?”

“Let me just fetch your dad, alright? Don’t move.” Remus kept one eye on Harry as he stepped a few paces away. “We ought to get going,” he called.

Sirius looked up, then nodded. “Be right along.”

Remus nodded, then went back to Harry and urged him. “Just don’t be afraid, you won’t crash.”

Harry had the trolley with white knuckles as he approached the barrier. Remus watched with some trepidation as the boy hesitated, looked back, nodded to himself, then pushed forward. A shimmer of magic, and he was gone.

Looking behind him, he saw James and Sirius heading over, so he strolled through, and felt the pull on his magic as he slipped onto the platform. Harry was only a few feet away, staring round with wonder as witches and wizards ushered their children toward the train.

“Alright, your dad and Sirius are coming through just now,” Remus said, putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You okay?”

Harry nodded, not saying a word as his wide, green eyes took in the sights. Remus and Sirius had spent most of the remaining summer with both James and Harry, once James had got some time with the boy to explain everything. James had even gone to run with Remus on the moon whilst Sirius stayed over with Harry, and they met the next morning at the bookshop.

It was all rather domestic, but the pain was still there just under the surface. Remus hadn’t let it out just yet. Not until Harry was safely off at school and he was sure Dumbledore wasn’t about to rip his family apart again.

He felt his fingers tremble a little with the effort of holding himself together, and he turned to see Sirius and James strolling through. The sight was a bit surreal, if he was being honest. All he had to do was close his eyes and he could see his friends years and years ago, rushing to greet them. There would be Marlene and Dorcas with heads bent low going on about their summer, not dead and buried.

Lily would be walking up, her red hair shining, arm linked with Alice as Frank trailed behind. Now Lily was in the ground and Frank and Alice were in St Mungo’s where Remus hadn’t the courage to see them.

He started a little when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Sirius watching him. “Re?”

He blinked, then cleared his throat and nodded. “Come on, let’s get Harry boarded. There’s only a few minutes left.”

He felt Sirius’ hand slip down his arm, twinning their fingers together, and it gave him courage. Strolling to the entrance to the train, they saw Molly again as she was supervising her boys. “Just…give him a hand, George,” she moaned. “Please. Just…”

One of the twins gave her a cheeky grin as he relented, hauling the youngest’s trunk up. Before long, it was Harry’s turn, and Remus and Sirius stood back to let James have this moment. They couldn’t know what he was going through, though they might have had some idea.

“He’s coming back to ours tonight,” Sirius said very quietly in Remus’ ear. “For a little while. He’s given up his muggle job.”

“Thought he might,” Remus said. “Last time we were at his, I saw letters from the Ministry as well as Dumbledore. It was only a matter of time before they bullied him back.”

Sirius licked his lips, letting out a somewhat frustrated breath. “He’s recruiting again. Tonks wrote me. Said Dumbledore mentioned a meeting.”

“Buggering fuck,” Remus swore. “Well…well fine. We’ll talk to James tonight.”

Before Sirius could answer, the pair of them found themselves wrapped into a hug by tiny arms. Harry was looking up, obviously very nervous, but also excited. “Just wanted to say bye,” Harry said.

Remus felt his throat tighten, but he allowed himself the moment to hug Harry back. “We’ll see you for the holidays.”

“Well dad says there’s no exeat weekends or half terms. Just…Christmas. But I’ll write loads.”

Sirius ruffled the boy’s hair. “You’ll make friends straight away. And once the sorting’s over, post us an owl and let us know.”

Harry looked nervous all over again as he waved goodbye and headed for the train again. He gave James one more hug, then stepped up to the compartment he’d chosen.

It felt like an eternity with parents all shouting their goodbyes, and soon, it was gone. 

The three men stood there, another sort of emptiness settling in. They’d just got Harry back, and now he was in Dumbledore’s hands. It made Remus decidedly nervous.

Before he could collect James, however, Molly accosted him, dragging him to the side and insisting he come over when Arthur was home. She was giving him tearful condolences and going on about, “I don’t know why Albus did it, but we just know not to question that man. Just happy to have you back, is all. Will you be at the Ministry again?”

James ruffled his hair a bit. “Dunno yet. I’ll er…I’ll be in touch though, Molly. Good to see you. Should be off though.” He managed to divest himself from her clutches, and took both Remus and Sirius by the hands, yanking them toward the barrier. “Get me the bloody fuck out of here.”

With the train gone, there was no reason to stay, and they filed back out toward muggle London. James led the way to where they’d parked his car, and when they were in, he let out a breath and gripped the wheel.

“I thought I was going to lose it.”

Sirius reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s alright, mate. Let’s just go back to ours. We can get some take away and put on the telly and wait round for Harry’s owl. I’m sure if he doesn’t post it tonight, Albus will.”

James nodded, though he still looked a bit peaky. Still, he switched on the car, appearing to feel much better with a task, and they drove off.

*** 

As James glanced over at the clock for the tenth time in the last twenty minutes, Sirius finally lost it and smacked him on the arm with an open palm.

“Ow, you fucking tosser,” James said, glaring at him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Stop.”

“Well. Well, he’s…been sorted by now, hasn’t he?”

Sirius looked over at Remus who was smiling into the bottom of his tea cup, and huffed. “Probably. He’s likely been sorted and is sat at the house table with whomever he’s made friends with—and you know it’s literally anyone at this point as he’s Harry Potter of all people. And they’re stuffing their face with chicken and potatoes and eventually pudding. Then the prefects will take them to their common rooms and show them their dormitories and beds. Surely you haven’t forgotten.”

“I just…” James rubbed his face hard with the palm of his hand. “I want to be there.”

“D’you think your parents sat round doing this?” Sirius asked quietly. “You think mum and dad sat round their fire drinking tea and thinking, ‘Oh I wish I could be there with Jamie.’ Because I do not.”

“No, you absolute fucking wanker,” James said, unable to help a small smile. “But when you lived in bloody hiding for nine years because a psychotic wizard’s angry followers might murder your son for somehow—and Merlin knows, really—vanquishing a dark lord at fifteen bloody months, it’s not the same.”

“Yes well,” Sirius sniffed indignantly as he poured a dollop of firewhiskey into his tepid tea, “leave it to you to have the fucking Saviour of the Wizarding World as spawn.”

James stared at him, mouth slightly agape, then reached over and thwaped Sirius upside the head. “And you’re his godfather so you’re partly to blame.”

Remus laughed a bit, leaning a little bit into James’ side. The three of them were sat on the sofa, feet up on the low table, each holding a cup of tea with likely far too much whiskey. But it was necessary.

“Well the owl will arrive soon. Willing to bet Minnie will send some sort of letter if he’s in Gryffindor.”

James let out a low groan as he rubbed his face again. “If he’s in Slytherin…”

“Nothing will change,” Remus said fiercely. “Do not get worked up over it. The poor lad was nearly sick all over the platform worrying about what you’d think if he got Slytherin.”

James looked vaguely guilty at that. “I tried to be subjective, you know. When talking about the houses. But everything kept rushing back. Snivellus poisoning your goblet, joining the sodding Death Eaters the way he did. How many of them were in that house? How many who managed to skive off Azkaban have kids there?”

“Malfoy, for one,” Remus said, and both Sirius and James stared at him. “Saw his boy at the robe shop when I was there with Harry.”

“And you didn’t say anything?” Sirius demanded.

“Well, we had other pressing matters. Like having just come off learning those two were alive,” Remus defended. “Besides, we both knew how Malfoy managed to avoid conviction.”

“Slimy git,” James muttered. “And his boy’s in Harry’s year?”

Remus nodded, his face grim. “Seemed just as unpleasant as his father. Chatted to Harry a bit about houses and Quidditch whilst they were being fitted.”

“Oh Merlin,” James groaned. “What if they become mates? What if they share a dorm and become mates and he starts filling Harry’s head with all that blood-purist rubbish.”

“Harry’s too smart for that,” Remus said, reaching out to grip James by the knee. “He really is.”

Sirius let out a small sigh. “It’s all we can do, just keep watch and…”

The tapping on the window startled all three, and James nearly tripped over the table in his effort to get up and let the owl in. It was an unfamiliar, dark grey bird with massive talons. The note in its beak was small, and after a nip of James’ tea, it flew off.

With shaking hands, James sank to the cushions of the sofa and held the letter tight. “Bloody hell, I can’t do this.”

“I can,” Sirius declared, and ripped it from James’ grip. Tearing open the seal, his eyes flickered over the words, then he sank down. “Fucking Gryffindor.”

There was a pause, then a loud whoop from James who jumped from his seat, spilling tea all over the floor. “Fucking Gryffindor!”

Remus smiled quietly to himself as James embraced Sirius. “See. Can you relax now? Get properly pissed before we have to face the world tomorrow and decide what the bloody fuck we’re going to do with you?”

James, with a huge grin, flicked his wand at the spill before going back for more tea. He added more whiskey and the three men reunited and connected with each other as they’d done in their younger days. They were not young, though. They were well into adulthood with lines and a few stray hairs going silver. They were weighted down by the death of so many they’d known, and the darkness on the horizon.

*** 

“Hallo gorgeous,” came a voice in Remus’ ear. Stood at one of the shelves with a cart full of items needing to be restocked, Remus smiled when warm hands closed round his hips. “I checked round the store and there’s no one here.”

“Oh? I suppose you think that means I’ll get up to dirty business with you?” Remus turned his head to see Sirius’ grin, just centimetres from his face.

“I might have put up the back in an hour sign.”

Remus blinked, then grinned. “Hour, is it? You think it’ll take that long.” He let out an oomph when Sirius spun him, giving him a gentle, but firm shove back against the shelf. Remus’ hands immediately went into Sirius’ hair, tugging him down for a kiss.

“Well I was hoping,” Sirius said against Remus’ mouth, “we might have a round or two.”

“Feeling frisky, are we?” Remus asked. He sucked in his breath when Sirius’ hips pressed hard against him.

“I’m happy,” Sirius said. “I mean, you always make me happy but…”

“I know what you mean,” Remus breathed. James had been staying with him, though he’d taken up a post at the Ministry. It was in the Auror department, but he was refusing any field work so Remus and Sirius could rest easy. For now. The important bit of it was, James came home to them every night and though they still felt the loss of those nine years keenly, things were starting to finally feel right again.

“Kiss me,” Sirius demanded.

Remus dragged one hand down from Sirius’ hair to his cheek, cupping it softly as their lips met. Tongues began to tangle together, their breath turning into gentle pants as they became more aroused. Sirius dragged his fingers along the waistband of Remus’ trousers, then sliding up under his shirt, his fingertips counting Remus’ ribs.

“Fucking want you,” Sirius breathed.

“Mmm yes,” Remus replied, arching his neck as Sirius dipped his head low to place open-mouthed kisses along his jaw. “Yes. Please.”

“Fucking love you. Love every inch of you,” Sirius said against the hot skin, right where he could feel Remus’ pulse against his lips. His hand carefully slid down, undoing the button and easing the zip on Remus’ trousers. He shoved his hand inside, under the waistband of Remus’ pants, and began to stroke him hard.

“Fuck. Sirius,” Remus gasped.

“Yes. So hard for me.”

“Always so hard for you,” Remus panted, pushing his hips against Sirius’ hand. “More. Fuck.”

Spurred on, Sirius dropped to his knees and yanked Remus’ trousers down with him. Wasting no time at all, he breathed a puff of hot air across the hard prick before taking it into his mouth. Remus thumped his head back against the books, his eyes rolling back as he let out a long, slow groan.

“Christ, Sirius, ohhh.” His hips thrust against his will, and he let out another hiss of pleasure when Sirius’ fingers dug hard into his skin.

There was a flurry of movement as Sirius began to bob his head, hollowing out his cheeks to suck him. Remus peered one eye down and saw Sirius fumbling with his own jeans. “Oh. Oh fuck are you going to toss yourself?”

Sirius made an affirmative grunt as he pushed his head forward, trying to take all of Remus in him. He struggled to keep his rhythm as he pulled out his own cock and began to stroke it in time with his movements on Remus.

“God. God yes let me see you,” Remus begged, craning his head sideways. He was almost shivering from the pleasure of it, but he managed to catch a glimpse of Sirius’ hand moving furiously against his own prick.

That was all it took really, before he was throwing his head back against the bookshelf and came. Hard. The growl started in the back of his throat as Sirius swallowed him down, and within seconds Sirius was pulling away, gasping as he spilt all over his own knuckles.

“Shit,” Remus breathed. “Shit.” His hands fumbled down, trying to draw Sirius back up for a heady kiss. Sirius was sloppy, a bit shaky, but he was laughing a bit against Remus’ mouth as he pressed against his lover, chest-to-chest.

“That was…holy hell, Re.” Sirius snuffled his nose along Remus’ neck as he regained his bearings.

Remus chuckled a little, running his fingers into Sirius’ hair gently, giving him a small pet. “Merlin, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” 

They cuddled there, upright against the bookshelf before Sirius finally pulled away. With a wave of his hand and a muttered spell, they were cleaned up, though still a bit sticky if anything. But they returned trousers and jeans to their original state, and then walked over to the small sofa under the main window.

“You really want to try another go?” Remus asked as he reached his wand and flicked it toward the kettle.

Sirius laughed, scrubbing his hand down his face. “I want to say yes, but these old bones aren’t so sure.”

Remus grinned, flicking his wand again to prepare the two cups of tea. He snuggled against Sirius instead, as the tea floated over into waiting hands. “Maybe I’ll spoil you a bit tonight, if I’m not home too late. You going to wait for James?”

“I’ll make something nice for tea,” Sirius said with a shrug. He sipped the hot brew and gave a satisfied sigh. “Maybe pasta or something.”

“He’d like that,” Remus said, feeling sleepy all over and wishing he could just have a kip right there instead of going back to work. “You think he’s going to be okay?”

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno. I mean…well Halloween’s approaching soon, you know? Harry’s only been at school a little while. And I think he’s still reeling from finding out Snivellus is his bloody potion’s teacher.”

Remus shivered again at the thought of Severus Snape teaching children. He still had no idea how that had come about. They might have been a bit hard on Snape—maybe. But he never seemed the type to want to teach. Children, especially. 

When James had got the letter about Harry’s first potion’s lesson, and the humiliation Snape attempted to level upon the boy, it took both Remus and Sirius to keep James from immediately storming the Hogwarts Castle and taking matters into his own hands.

“If that…if that fucking Death Eater thinks he’s going to come at my son,” James spat.

Remus, ever the voice of reason, took him by the shoulders, then cupped his face gently. The gesture startled James out of his rage, and brown eyes met amber ones. “James, Dumbledore is there. And whatever else he is, he’s not going to let Snape hurt Harry. If Snape is there, it’s for a reason.”

“I don’t trust him,” James said through clenched teeth.

Remus’ fingers drifted down to the nape of James’ neck and held him tight there. “Nor do we. But nothing is going to happen. I swear it.”

James wasn’t satisfied, but he was calm. Calm enough, at least, to pen an owl to Dumbledore—though it took more convincing for him not to turn it into a howler—and the response he received was vague, but assured James there was no threat to Harry from Severus Snape.

“McGonagall won’t let anything happen to Harry,” was Sirius’ contribution, and that, more than anything, settled James Potter down.

Other than that, Harry had written to talk about how much he loved Hogwarts. He’s made good friends with the Weasley boy, and had got to know the older brothers a bit as well. They were all in Gryffindor, and in Harry’s dorm was Neville Longbottom, the son to Alice and Frank. It gave them all a pause when they realised Neville wouldn’t know his parents, not know them the way James, Remus, and Sirius had. But they decided not to tell Harry about it for the time being.

“We need to keep him distracted,” Remus said after a bit, still petting Sirius’ hair as he sipped his tea. “I mean, obviously he dealt with Halloween for the last nine years, but now that he’s not got Harry with him…”

“Yeah. We’ll come up with something. No chance of a moon on that night, is there?”

Remus shook his head. “Just after, I’m afraid. We’ll sort it out.” He let out a jaw-cracking yawn, then looked up at the Be Back Soon sign and sighed. “I’d best get the shop back open. Go on and floo home, why don’t you. I’ll see you later.”

Sirius drained the last of his tea, then sent the cup back to the staff room, and leant over to kiss Remus deep and slowly, letting his tongue and lips linger. “Alright. I love you. Merlin I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Remus said. He cupped Sirius’ jaw and let his thumb run over the stubble there.

Letting out a pleased sigh, Sirius pulled himself from the sofa and headed for the back where they’d set up the floo. Remus sat until he heard the roar of flames, and when he was alone, he closed his eyes and allowed himself a few minutes to recover, feeling sated and happier than he had in years.

*** 

It was half an hour before the pasta was ready when James walked in through the front door. It had taken no time at all for him to treat the little cottage like home. Most of his things had been moved to the second bedroom, though he kept his little house for the time being.

Kicking off his shoes, he wandered into the kitchen where Sirius was stood, leant against the counter holding a beer in his hand. He brightened at the sight of his friend, and quickly offered one over.

Collapsing on a chair, James took the beer with a grateful moan, and gulped it down. “Merlin, what a day. I’m not sure I’m going to last there. It’s not just the work, you know? It’s the prying eyes, the questions. Where’ve you been, James? You feeling okay?” He mimicked the sympathetic head tilt, making Sirius snort. 

“Dead awful, I know. You can always come and work at the shop with us.”

James hesitated. “This job’s Dumbledore’s doing and I think…” He stopped, taking another drink, then rubbing at his eyes. “I think if he’s gearing up for something, if he’s starting something again, I need to know. To be close to it. If Voldemort really is out there and he wants to come for Harry…” He stopped and took a breath.

“We’ll do whatever we need to,” Sirius said, his voice almost angry. He crossed the room and plonked down on the chair next to James. “I don’t care what it is.”

Giving his friend a grateful look, James finished off the beer, then tugged at the front of his robes. “Not sure how long it’ll take me to get used to wearing all this shite again.”

Sirius laughed. “Always been jeans for me, mate. Since the day you and Re took me to muggle London.”

Getting up, James gave Sirius’ cheek a fond pat before disappearing to change. As he did, Sirius checked on their baked pasta, then grabbed another beer for the two of them. James returned a few minutes later in a ratty old t-shirt and pair of jogging bottoms.

“It’s a better look on you,” Sirius said with a wink.

James sank into the chair and grinned, taking the second beer. “You know…I like this place. I do.”

“But?” Sirius pressed.

“Well…fuck, mate. This is going to sound so rude.”

“And when have you ever cared?” Sirius pressed.

James looked him, then gave a sheepish grin. “We could think about getting something bigger?”

“James Potter,” Sirius said with feigned breathlessness, “are you asking Remus and I to move in with you?”

James rolled his eyes, giving Sirius a kick under the table. “M’just saying, it might be nice. To have you close by. Connected floos don’t feel like enough after…you know. Everything.”

“I don’t think Remus will be opposed,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “We can run it by him later.”

“He in late tonight?” James asked, glancing at the clock.

“After tea,” Sirius said. “Which has got another twenty, I think.”

James rose and extended his hand out to Sirius. “I need a fag. Come out with me?”

Sirius followed his best friend out to the back garden, and they settled on the grass, backs to the low wall surrounding Remus’ flowerbeds. It was dark now, a smattering of stars across the sky with a few wispy clouds. The moon was only half, which meant a little while longer before Remus’ next transformation.

Sirius pulled two cigarettes from his pack, lit them with a quick incantation, then handed it over. 

“I never worked out how you got to be so bloody good at wandless magic,” James complained, taking a long drag.

Sirius shrugged, letting the smoke fall lazily from his parted lips. “Inbreeding thing, I reckon. Reg was alright at it as well. And mum was…very clever.” Sirius allowed himself an unpleasant shiver.

Reaching over, James took Sirius’ free hand with his own, and tugged him close. “I’m sad, Sirius.”

The admission startled the shorter man just a little. They’d spent a lot of time reconnecting, just talking and being near each other. But Sirius realised the focus had been on Harry and very little was said by James about how he felt. About any of it.

“Jamie…”

“I was lonely. I mean, I had Harry but that was it and that isolation…” He trailed off, taking a long drag and letting the smoke drift up into the hazy sky. “When Lily was gone, something in me died, you know? It was like I knew that was it for me.”

“You’ve got us,” Sirius insisted. “You could…I mean you might meet someone. You never erm. Dated?”

James let out a small chuckle. “Sirius, I barely dated at school whilst pining for her, and…I’ve just never felt compelled again. When she was gone, all I wanted was to have you two back but I couldn’t even have that.”

Sirius nudged himself even closer, putting his arm round James’ waist and held him tight. “You’ve got us now, you know.” He glanced up at James’ face. “You’re not…I mean you wouldn’t want erm…”

James glanced down at him, then snorted. “I know you’ve been trying to get in my pants since the day you discovered you were bent, but no. Thank you. As beautiful as you are even now.” 

Sirius laughed. “Thought I’d just check.”

“Git.”

They finished their smokes, crushing them out and watching the red embers fade to black ash. Sirius had his head on James’ shoulder, and they waited as the minutes ticked by for their food to finish cooking and Remus to return home.

“D’you fancy a snog? Might help you feel better.” He echoed words James once said to him, when things had gone to complete shit.

James blinked down at Sirius, then reached out, cupping his face. Their lips met as they had once on the Astronomy tower. Chaste, but warm and comforting. Sirius had been broken then, torn apart from the inside by his family, and it was James who helped keep him together. Even when Sirius had made the worst mistake of his life, it had been _something_. And so was this.

James held his face and the kiss stretched on for some time, but eventually he pulled back and let out a long breath. “I’d like to go and see her. This Halloween. I never…he wouldn’t tell me where she was and I…” He cleared his throat.

“Alright,” Sirius whispered. “She’s in Godric’s Hollow. It’s…it might be a bit weird. Yours and Harry’s are there as well. Dumbledore had them put up a statue. It felt a bit odd but…”

“Yeah that is a bit,” James admitted with a small smile. “But she’s there.”

“She is,” Sirius confirmed. With a groan, he stood up and extended his hand out to James. “Let’s go in. We can eat and have a cuddle in front of the telly until Re gets home. Then put you to bed. Tomorrow we’ll see about a bigger place. Maybe in muggle London? We always liked that.”

“Harry might as well,” James said with a very small grin. Taking Sirius’ hand in his, letting the comfort wash over him. It wasn’t alright yet, maybe it never would be completely, but he was getting there.

*** 

It was just gone afternoon when the cottage door burst open a few weeks later and James Potter rushed in. Sirius was at the shop, and Remus was putting together a roast for the night’s tea. He glanced up at his friend’s excited face, then down at a letter James was clutching in his hand.

“Everything alright?” Remus asked, wiping his hand on a bit of kitchen paper.

James grabbed the chair, steadying himself as he gasped for air. “Harry. He’s…he’s…” He shook his head. “Sorry, apparated. Still sorting it out. Bugger fuck.” He swiped his hand across his forehead. “He’s made the house team!”

Remus frowned for a second, then his brows shot up. “What? Quidditch?”

“Seeker,” James crowed. “Bloody seeker. The little sod, disobeyed Hooch, jumped on a broom and caught a bloody remembral at a fifty foot dive! McGonagall’s written. Wants to get him a broom. Fuck. I can’t breathe.”

Remus laughed, giving James’ shoulder a pat. “That’s…well amazing, though I’m not surprised. I think if you’d had a chance to show-off, you’d have made it in your first year as well.”

“I need to write him. Congratulate him. D’you think a Howler is too much?”

Remus laughed again. “Yes, I do. Just a quick note will be fine. Though does that mean we get to go and see his first match?”

James eyes lit up. “Bloody hell it does. I think I might be having palpitations.”

Rolling his eyes, Remus gave James a shove in the direction of the lounge. “Quill’s are by the bookcase. Go on, give him love from us as well.”

When it was finished, James returned a bit more subdued, and he lowered himself onto a kitchen chair. Remus was nearly finished with the roast, heating up the oven, and he put the lid on the ceramic pot.

“All sorted?”

James let out a breath, then nodded. “Yeah. I know I ought to get back to the office but…” He trailed off, running his fingers into his hair. “Fuck, I just want to curl up and sleep until Harry’s first year is over.”

Remus set the roast aside on the counter, then took the chair near James. “You’ve had no time to adjust.”

“That’s just it,” James said, letting out a frustrated laugh. “I have. I mean, bloody hell nine years I’ve had and I took the easy way out. Could’ve mentioned something to Harry before. He had loads of early magic, and I just brushed it off. Said nothing, actually.”

Remus clasped his hands on top of the table and looked at James carefully. “No one took any of it easy, you know.”

James quirked a brow. “Except you. Ever the voice of bloody reason and calm, you are. I dunno how but…”

Remus barked a strained laugh. “D’you think I’m keeping it calm, James? Bloody hell, I’ve got Sirius—King of all Dramatics, and I’ve got you and Harry who _need_ something calm and steady. I don’t have time to let any of it out.”

James’ eyes narrowed. “You did that before. When…when Sirius’ family was shite and he was hurting. Your mum was dying and you were in love with him and you just tucked it all away and never said anything to any of us. You can’t…you have to…” James cleared his throat. “I’m not going to break, you know. I’m not going to disappear again, either. If you fall apart a little bit.”

Remus felt his fingers start to quake, and he stamped down on the temptation to just let it all go. “I don’t trust you,” he said finally. “I love you. I need you here. But I don’t trust that something isn’t going to snap and you won’t take Harry and go. And realistically I know it wasn’t your fault. That if you could have kept us in the know, you would have. I have to believe that James Potter would have never let his two best friends who loved him most in the world, think he was dead _on purpose._ ”

James’ jaw was quivering a bit at the sound of Remus’ tense voice. “I swear, I wouldn’t have. I didn’t even know he told you we were…were dead.”

“He didn’t, in so many words. But that’s what he’s bloody good at,” Remus spat. “Dumbledore, master of the unspoken word. There were never any bodies but he bloody-well let us bury you like there had been.”

“I’m sorry,” James breathed.

Remus took in a shaking breath, then shook his head. “It’s not up to you to be sorry. You didn’t ask for any of it. You lost your wife and…”

“She was pregnant,” James blurted out, immediately silencing Remus’ words. When he saw he had the amber gaze on him, he let out a choked laugh. “It was just like Harry, not intended. We were trying to be careful, and Merlin knows in hiding we didn’t have a lot of opportunity to be together. But it just happened. She was about five, maybe six weeks gone when she…” James cleared his throat and looked away. “No one else knew.”

“James,” Remus whispered.

He waved his hand at Remus. “It’s hard not to live in the what-ifs. What if I hadn’t left the house? What if I had told Sirius what a paranoid git he was being? What if I’d sat you down and just asked you what you were doing?”

“I wouldn’t have told you,” Remus said.

“No, but I know you better than most, Moony,” James said, and they both winced a bit at the old nickname they hadn’t used in nearly a decade. “I would have been able to tell. And if I’d just paid a little more attention to Peter, spent a little more time _watching_ him…”

“He was too clever, and we never gave him enough credit for it,” Remus said. “He’d always known. He was always on that edge of betrayal. He was forever outside looking into what the three of us had. Hell most of the time he participated only because he happened to be there. And he didn’t have an escape the way Frank did.”

James swallowed thickly. “I know. But I just thought…I assumed…”

“We all did.” Remus got up and walked in front of James, putting a firm hand on his shoulder. “I don’t trust you, but I will. And I need time. But I also don’t want to fall apart. I need to be steady. So let me.”

James closed his hand round Remus’ and squeezed it. “Alright. Just know I love you.”

“I do.”

And it was true. He very much did.

*** 

The Sunday before Halloween, Remus wandered into the lounge and found James sat on the sofa with what looked like an older issue of the Daily Prophet. He was reading over an article with a small frown, humming to himself.

“What are you doing?” he asked, taking a seat in the armchair.

“Thinking.” James scratched behind his ear. “Something…something about this seems off. And I can’t put my finger on it.”

Remus rose and slid next to James, peering at the story. It had come several weeks earlier, mentioning a break-in at Gringott’s. It was hardly news, really, seeing as the vault was emptied earlier on that day.

“What of it?”

“Well that was the day we took Harry to Diagon Alley,” James said slowly. He stopped when Sirius walked in with three cups of tea floating beside him. Remus and James both took theirs as he sat, then James went on. “We were with Hagrid in Gringott’s.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “But I don’t…”

“Vault seven-one-three. That was the one Hagrid had been sent to empty. For Dumbledore.”

Remus blinked a few times. “You think whoever it was wanted to steal from Dumbledore?”

“I think it’s more than that. I just…I can’t put my finger on it,” James said, sounding frustrated. “Hagrid mentioned it would be safe at Hogwarts, but that doesn’t set me at ease. Whatever it is, Dumbledore’s got it at the school and Harry’s there.”

Sirius let out a small sigh. “Don’t fret, mate. Really.”

James looked over at Sirius with an exasperated sigh. “Sirius, d’you realise how often a couple of sixteen—hell even thirteen year old—kids were able to thwart Hogwarts’ security measures? That there were bloody passages out of the school we worked out that half the teachers didn’t know about?”

Licking his lips, Remus shook his head. “Talk to him, then. Albus. Talk to him during the Quidditch match. First one’s November, yeah? Send him an owl and demand a meeting.”

James nodded, ruffling his hair. “I might do, yeah. If he’s going to be dragging us into…well whatever the bloody fuck he thinks is coming, I want to be informed.”

“We’ll be right there with you,” Sirius said, his voice solemn. 

Which was true, they would be. Just as they were a few days later when Halloween came round. The day was subdued, Remus, Sirius, and James choosing to skive off any professional work duties. Remus was up early, as he often was on that day. He sorted out breakfast, and spent the sunrise in the back garden drinking tea and sending small charms across his vegetable patch to keep them protected from the impending winter frosts.

When James and Sirius finally joined the rest of the world, the three spent their time a little subdued. They garden, sort out the house, and chat a little about potentially finding a flat in London. No one makes mention of the day, and it’s just assumed they would head over to Godric’s Hollow after the sun set.

Which they all did. Apparating, as they wanted a quick way there and back. James arrived first, Sirius and Remus close behind. Bypassing the large statue, Remus led the way to the graveyard where the headstones were. They hadn’t been in a year, and as they approached the path, Remus froze.

“They’re gone.”

Sirius blinked, and realised where there should have been three, only one remained. He gulped, not sure how to feel, and looked at Remus’ face which was sitting blank and a bit confused. “Dumbledore?”

Remus nodded, but held Sirius back as James had taken the lead toward Lily’s resting place. They clasped hands and waited for their friend to be finished with his solitary mourning.

It was no surprise with the grief brought James to his knees, nor was it a surprise when two warm sets of arms came round him and held him tight. He cried, the silent tears of a person who’d already spent nine years wailing in despair and this was all he had left.

“You’d be proud of him,” James eventually whispered. “Maybe a little scared—but not as scared as I am. You were always braver than I was.”

Remus turned his face away to prevent himself from crumbling.

“Anyway, we’ll be seeing him soon. I’m sorry he doesn’t know you. He should.” James’ voice was hoarse, but the tears had gone and he allowed himself to be held by the two people he loved most in the world. The two that survived, anyway.

They didn’t stay much longer than that. Sirius let a shower of glowing flowers rain down, and then they turned and were back in the cottage.

That night they all curled up in Remus and Sirius’ bed and held each other. It felt like the start to something, and maybe an ending. The ending of isolation, at the very least. James wasn’t leaving, and in the dark of the night, Remus realised it. And he believed it.

*** 

James was in the shower when the owl came. It was posted from Hogwarts, and Remus immediately recognised Minerva’s handwriting. He gave the owl a bit of toast after taking the letter, and was surprised to find it addressed to him.

“What is it?” Sirius asked, his mouth full of sausage.

“Close your mouth, that’s disgusting,” Remus admonished. “And I don’t know. But it’s from McGonagall.” He tore it open and read through. “Bloody hell,” he breathed.

“What?” Sirius demanded, louder now.

“There was a troll attack at Hogwarts last night.”

Sirius blinked. “What? Last night? Is Harry alright? What the hell happened?”

Sinking into his chair, Remus put one hand on his forehead as he read. “Says here Minerva found the boys in the girls’ toilet. Troll was knocked out. Looks like him and that Weasley boy took it on themselves.”

“You’re shitting me,” Sirius breathed. “A troll?”

“Fully grown mountain troll,” Remus repeated, then let out a small laugh. “They earned points for it. No one was hurt.”

Sirius paused as he sipped his tea, then shook his head. “What the bloody fuck is a mountain troll doing at Hogwarts? How would one even get in?”

“Don’t know, but it’s something else we’re going to bring up when we see Dumbledore in a few weeks.”

“What are we bringing up?” came James’ voice from the lounge. He walked into the kitchen with his hair a bit wet still, dressed but a towel round his shoulders.

Remus hesitated, then with a weak gesture, handed the letter over to James to let him read it. The two men watched James with trepidation, watching the emotions play out on his face. Eventually he sank down, letting the parchment flutter to the table top.

“I don’t know whether to be proud or ill. Or both.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “A fucking troll. My eleven year old took on a fucking mountain troll.”

“Well,” Sirius said, “clearly he came out alright.”

James gave him a withering glare. “That’s hardly the point, Sirius.”

“No. The point is,” Sirius retorted, “he’s your bloody kid and in spite of you trying to stamp out his magic by raising him muggle and away from every bloody wizard thing, he still managed to be fucking brilliant. And don’t forget we ran round—no we run round to this day—with a werewolf.”

Remus pinked. “You know how much I like telling Sirius he’s wrong but…”

“I just want to know how I’m supposed to feel like he’s safe if no one’s watching him! Where were the other professors? If there was a damned troll on the grounds, shouldn’t they have been in their dormitories?” 

“Yet another question you can pose to Dumbledore,” Remus pointed out. “For now he’s fine. He survived, won his house some decent points—not that Snape will let him keep them I’m sure. However he’s perfectly unharmed.”

“For how long?” James challenged.

The three men said nothing, and the tension settled over the rest of the afternoon.

Eventually Remus suggested they head into London to look at a few flats, and the other two agreed. There were listings in areas that were between muggle and wizard, which would suit Harry best, James decided.

“I want him to have a healthy dose of both. I never want him to feel like he can’t survive somewhere that isn’t wizard.”

It wasn’t a hard sell, and after a few hours and a spot of lunch at a nearby chippy, they managed to decide on a rather large flat with four bedrooms, access to the Ministry for James, and a decent route back to the bookshop for Remus and Sirius.

It would be ready before Christmas, they were told, so James wasted no time paying for the thing, and the moment they got back to the cottage, he posted a letter to Harry. “I ought to put mine on the market,” James said thoughtfully after they finished their tea for the night. “Doesn’t make sense to keep it, now does it.”

“You could let it,” Sirius suggested as he flicked his wand to clear up the dishes. “In case you and Harry get tired of living with us. Not to mention Re’s monthly problem which we still haven’t told Harry about.”

“I think we should wait a bit longer,” James insisted. “Not that I’m embarrassed. But he’s only just getting used to everything wizarding. I think that might be a bit much.” He stopped, then gave Sirius a withering glower. “And why would we ever get tired of you two?”

“Because nine years changes a lot,” Sirius pointed out. “I’m only saying you might discover you need the space.”

“Nine years I’ve been isolated,” James argued. “This is not up for discussion.”

“Sirius, let it go,” Remus said after a moment. “I happen to agree with James on waiting to tell Harry about my being a werewolf. Doing so would also bring up the Animagi issue and until we can fully impress upon him how necessary it is that it’s kept a secret, it’s safer this way. He’s young still.”

That effectively ended the discussion there, and it was decided. James would sell his home, and by Christmas the three of them would be cosy in a flat together for the foreseeable future.

*** 

It was no surprise at all James was a bit of a mess when they apparated into Hogsmeade. The village was a bit lousy with witches and wizards come to see their kids in the match. The first was Gryffindor v Slytherin, which meant house tensions were high between parents and students alike.

The three men decided to stay at the Three Broomsticks for the night, knowing as it was a weekend after the match, they might see Harry a bit on Saturday, and have a long sit-down with Dumbledore as well.

Walking in to pay, Rosmerta startled a little, dropping a glass of firewhiskey when she spotted them. “Merlin’s beard.”

James ducked his head a bit, and Sirius slid up to the bar, giving her a wink. “Rosmerta, my love. It’s been ages, and look at you.”

“You horrid flirt, how dare you,” she said with a grin. “How dare you bring James Potter and Remus Lupin into my pub again!”

Sirius reached into his pocket for a handful of galleons. “Room for a few marauders, do you?”

“Only always. I can’t…” She shook her head, staring at James and Remus who were still stood over by an empty table. “When Dumbledore said, I thought he was lying. Or…or on about something.”

Sirius let out a small sigh. “We weren’t even given that much warning before James suddenly appeared.”

“And that boy of his? He’s at the school?”

Sirius nodded. “Two more years and you’ll be seeing him plenty, I’m sure.”

She looked slightly dubious, but also a bit pleased as she went to the back and came over again with an old, brass key. “Up the stairs, second door on the left. I expect the three of you can manage in one?”

“Always could.” Sirius winked again. “I expect we’ll be back for several drinks later.” He pocketed the key, then beckoned his lover and best mate along. There was a silence as they started up the path, following behind a gaggle of parents who were making the trek up to the main gate to the castle.

“It’s going to awkward for a long time, isn’t it?” James asked quietly.

“Considering your son was hailed as the baby who defeated a Dark Lord, and the entirety of our world thought you two were also dead…I reckon so.”

James let out a sigh, but when Sirius took his hand, he relaxed visibly.

Heading to the castle, Remus watched the emotions play out on James’ face much the same as it had for him and Sirius the day they’d been called back by Dumbledore. He imagined James replying all his memories of their time there. The pranks, hiding under the cloak, running round the forest. Even Peter, probably. And falling in love with Lily.

Remus let his hand rest on the small of Sirius’ back, and he was rewarded with a smile as they made their way toward the Quidditch pitch. The place was already full of students, and it took them a moment to find the stands with Gryffindor banners. 

Craning his neck round, Remus tried to get a glance of any of the players, but so far none were on the pitch just yet. They were able to find front-row seats though, across from the staff box, and to their unpleasant surprise, Snape was sat near several of the other teachers, including McGonagall.

Minerva caught their eye straight away, then glanced back behind her. Sirius saw her give a visible sigh and he hid his smirk as he gave her a friendly wave. She didn’t return it, but her eyes softened a bit round the corners.

The three took their seats at the front, and James sat forward, his entire body tense.

“It’s going to be alright, you know,” Remus said quietly.

“I know. I know I just…” James breathed. “It’s a dangerous game.”

Sirius scoffed. “That was part of the fun, if you recall. And this isn’t the bloody World Cup, Jamie. It’s the first match of a Hogwarts season.”

James nodded, but he didn’t relax. Before long, Hooch took to the field, and began to announce the teams. Slytherin came out first, and whilst there were cheers across the pitch, the Gryffindor students could be heard booing. It made Sirius grin a bit as he remembered their first-ever match in second year.

Next, and with extreme anticipation, Gryffindor was announced. The players burst out, all on brooms except the two captains who were stood on the ground near Hooch. They shook hands as the three men glanced round and saw Harry floating near the Weasley twins.

He caught their eye and gave a friendly wave which made Remus’ stomach lurch as it had the first time he’d seen Sirius and James up there, all bright eyes and excitement to be part of the game.

“He’s going to be good,” Sirius muttered. “Look at him. Bloody natural.”

“Remember his first broom?” James asked quietly. “Nearly killed the cat, Lily nearly killed you. But he loved it.”

Sirius laughed a bit. “Yeah. He did, that.”

Remus recalled that photo. It had come with a letter from Lily just before things went completely to shit. He and Sirius had stopped speaking by then, but Remus had been there when Sirius ordered that broom.

The time for reminiscing passed, however, as the quaffle was thrown and the game began. It was just as thrilling as Remus remembered. The students were geared up, excited, shouting and waving their banners for their houses.

It was all going very well. The snitch was nowhere in sight for a decent amount of time. Gryffindor had the lead, which was promising, and it was thrilling to watch Harry’s eyes darting back and forth. He was absolutely seeker material.

Remus glanced over at James several times, watching his best mate cheering on his son, and he was gifted with a moment of realisation that they almost hadn’t had this. At all. Just months before they thought this moment would never come to pass.

Then the snitch was spotted. They noticed when Harry went in for the dive. He was neck and neck with the Slytherin seeker when out of nowhere, Harry was knocked into a spin. He twirled, desperately holding onto his broom as all three men were on their feet.

James was shouting Harry’s name as Sirius was shouting for a foul.

The game was halted, and the penalty was given out to the Slytherin team, Gryffindor getting a free shot.

The snitch had gone, and Remus sank back down the moment he realised Harry was alright. Sirius and James joined him a moment later, but this time James’ fingers curled round Remus’.

“He’s alright,” Remus murmured.

At that point, the commentator—clearly favouring Gryffindor, went on a tirade about the cheating, which earned him loud, audible threats from McGonagall. Sirius was smirking at it, his hands clasped white-knuckled in his lap.

The game continued, and Harry began to circle the pitch for the elusive, gold ball.

Then things got worse. Harry was hurtled up, his broom whipping this way and that. He was barely hanging on as he was thrown into flips and loops, as though someone had hold of the broom and was shaking it violently by the tail.

“What the bloody fuck?” James shouted, coming to his feet. “That’s…something’s happening. Something’s happening to his broom.”

Remus felt his heart in his throat, ready to pull his wand out and get Harry to safety. They watched for what felt like an eternity as Harry barely managed to hang on. The Weasley twins started to fly in Harry’s direction, trying to get him to safety, when suddenly there was a shout from the Staff Stands. Snape jumped up, knocking a couple of professors over, and then it was over.

Harry’s broom calmed immediately, and he was able to climb back on safely. 

James was still up, gripping the railing as he watched the game continue. Like Remus, he was torn between insisting the game be called. There was no way a student could have hexed the broom. The magic going into brooms was far too powerful.

And it had stopped when Snape rose.

Remus didn’t want to think it. Couldn’t begin to think it. Dumbledore would not allow…

His thoughts were cut off when Harry made a dive for the ground. The entire stands went quiet as Harry clapped a hand to his mouth, tumbling onto the pitch. He started to heave, and Remus was now up again, holding James’ arm.

Then he lifted his hand with a grin. “I’ve got the snitch!”

It was over. Gryffindor had won.

*** 

“It was Snape,” the redheaded Weasley said half an hour later at Hagrid’s hut.

James, Remus, and Sirius followed Harry and his friends down to the gamekeeper’s house. A place the three men knew well whenever they were lucky enough to get detention with Hagrid. They were sat round his scrubbed wooden table, each with tea, the redhead looking furious, and the bushy-haired girl with dark skin and very wide eyes looking a bit dubious about the whole thing.

“Rubbish,” Hagrid said after a moment. “Snape wouldn’t curse Harry’s broom. He’s a professor.”

Remus, James, and Sirius exchanged a dark look. “Are we certain…”

“No one’s ignorin’ yer history, James,” Hagrid said quietly. “But Dumbledore trusts ‘em and tha’s enough for me.”

Sirius’ face was drawn, his lips pulled so thin they were almost white. He looked at Harry who hadn’t said much just yet.

“Something you’re not telling us?” James pressed, obviously knowing the look on his son’s face.

Harry fidgeted. Cleared his throat. Then fidgeted again. “The night of the troll,” and he had the good sense to look at least a bit guilty about it, “Snape got bit by the three-headed dog trying to get under the trap door.”

“What trap door?” asked James as the same time as Sirius said, “Three-headed Dog?” all the while Hagrid said, “How do you know about Fluffy?”

Remus cleared his throat. “I think,” he said very slowly, “we ought to let these three explain.”

To the marauder’s extreme horror, Harry, Ron, and Hermione relived the tale of how they’d gone to meet the Malfoy boy for a duel—something James was about to shout at him about, but Remus put his hand on James’ arm so Harry could finish.

“…and we noticed it was standing on a trap door,” Harry finished. “There’s something under there Snape wants.”

Letting out a long breath, Sirius drew his hand down his face and then said, “We’ve a meeting with Albus later, and you can be absolutely certain we will be bringing this up.”

Harry gulped. “Will we erm…get into trouble for it?”

James let out a breath. “You bloody well should, Harry. Sneaking about the castle at night! Nearly getting killed. Duelling? What spells could you possibly have learnt by now that…”

“If I’m thinkin’ right,” Hagrid said, “I seem to recall a firs’ year boy with detention at my hut before he even got sorted to a house.”

James immediately shut his mouth as the three children looked on in a bit of awe and wonder. His nostrils flared a bit, and he glanced between Remus and Sirius before the three of them burst into laughter.

“Bugger,” James muttered. “Bugger you for being my kid, Haz.”

Ron and Hermione looked like they weren’t sure how to react, but Harry only grinned, sunny and warm. “You’ve only yourself to blame, you know.”

After that, the mood lightened as they finished their tea and eventually said goodbye to Hagrid as they made their way back up to the castle. Harry stood by his dad, Sirius and Remus walking hand-in-hand and Ron and Hermione trailing a bit.

“Bloody good game, Harry. Better than our first,” Sirius said as they reached the castle doors. “I think we lost.”

“We didn’t. We won,” James insisted. “We did damn good.”

Harry was grinning as they approached the statue of the Gargoyle. “Will I see you again? Before you go?”

“Absolutely,” James said, throwing his arm round his son. “Actually we need to have a chat about something, but it can wait. We’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”

Harry grinned. “Alright.” And with that, he was running off with his friends, chatting excitedly as they turned the corner toward Gryffindor tower.

Before giving the password, James slumped a bit. “Surreal, innit?”

Remus nodded, giving James’ wrist a squeeze. “Sometimes it feels so far away, and other times it was like yesterday we were rushing off about these corridors.”

*** 

“He’s mad. I knew he was mad before but…” Sat at a table, three glasses of firewhiskey around, the men stared at each other. James’ fingers were clutching the glass so hard the knuckles were white.

“I, for one, am not convinced,” Remus said, his voice low. They’d just come off the meeting with Albus who told them almost nothing at all. There was something at the school, it was well protected by the professors—Snape was trusted and Dumbledore didn’t believe he had anything to do with Harry’s broom, and in fact, thought it had been nothing more than a prank.

“He’s blind or daft or…” Sirius waved his hand. “What do we do, exactly?”

“Dunno,” James breathed. “Beg my son to stay out of trouble.”

Remus and Sirius gave him dubious looks. “Have him write home more. Insist he won’t be in trouble if he tells you. This is his safety, after all.”

James bowed his head, scrubbing his face. “There’s something more going on here. I just know it.”

The others were hard-pressed to agree. But there wasn’t much they could do if none of the teachers wanted to come clean. Instead they focused on getting Harry to open up, and focusing on their impending move.

*** 

For the most part, the next month and a half went well. James worked quite a bit, but they got the move settled, and he put his house up for sale. Remus and Sirius decided to let their cottage to a wizarding couple, and before long, they were settled into their new flat and making it a home.

It was strange, to say the least. Knowing that when Harry came home it would be there. Knowing James was in the next room and would be for…well, as long as he wanted to be. Remus and Sirius worked harder on remembering silencing charms for their late nights, and spent far too much time laying round reminiscing.

Lily became a frequent topic, and after a while, James admitted he just wanted to remember her. “I was so afraid to mention her name,” he said one night as they sat round the lounge with the telly on, though the sound turned all the way down. “I was afraid of making Harry miss her, or of him asking me questions I’d have to answer with lies.”

Sirius reached over from where he was sprawled out on the sofa, his head in Remus’ lap, and squeezed James’ shoulder. “Mate, we understand. You know what we could do though? Put together something for Harry. Old memories, you know? Into a photo book. Something he can go through.”

James brightened. “That would be brilliant.”

They set to work on it straight away, but during all of their Christmas plans, the owl came from Harry asking to stay over. James, for the first time since Sirius and Remus stood on his doorstep, looked devastated. “He wants to stay over for the hols. Says his friend Ron is and doesn’t want to leave him alone.”

Remus, who was the only one home when the owl arrived, gave James a concerned look. “Are you worried about him?”

“No but…well…it’s Christmas, innit?”

“Was it a big holiday before?”

James looked a bit sheepish. “Not as such. I mean, you know mum and dad liked Diwali better, and dad liked having a tree but it wasn’t…I mean we did for Sirius. When he came to stay with us. But it was just me and Harry over the years.”

“So maybe don’t read so much into it,” Remus said. He walked over to stand behind James’ chair and put his hands on his best friend’s shoulders. Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, he squeezed him. “He’s busy being a good friend. And I think everything’s going to feel like the worst for a while.”

James leant back into the touch and shook his head. “You’re right. I just…there’s stuff happening. I hear rumours round the office about people going missing, about…about raids and dark items turning up after years of nothing. I’m…concerned.”

“We all are,” Remus muttered.

Sirius was none too pleased to learn Harry was staying over for the holidays, but eventually they put together a load of gifts to be sent for both Harry, Ron, and their friend Hermione. They got a letter back of thanks, and the promise to definitely come home to see the new flat over Easter.

Things weren’t great, but so far there was no more trouble. Harry got a detention once, but James could hardly be too upset considering he likely still held the record along with Sirius. He only hoped Harry never learnt about that one.

Harry did come home for the Easter hols and enjoyed his time with his dad and godfathers. He asked questions about his mum, and found himself up late with Remus one night.

“Can’t sleep?” Remus asked. 

Harry, who was sat on the sofa, staring out the window at the clear sky, shrugged. “Not really. It’s…weird living somewhere else that’s not home.”

“Your house or…?”

“Hogwarts,” Harry said. “Dunno why it felt so…right.”

“Likely because you’d been kept away from the world you belonged in,” Remus said. A moment later, he flicked his wand and two cups of cocoa floated into the room. Harry took it with a wide grin. “Being away from the wizarding world can do funny things to a bloke.”

“Like dad?” Harry asked. “He’s different now. I mean, he’s still…well always a bit startled, but he seems alive now.”

Remus let out a small sigh as he took a sip. “He had nine long years of solitude away from anyone who could offer him comfort. He really really loved your mum.”

“I know. The photos you gave me I…well…I wish I could have known.” Harry was silent a moment, then said, “Ever heard of the Mirror of Erised?”

Remus blinked in surprise. “I have. Hogwarts has one?”

“Dumbledore found me at it. I saw my mum in there. Mum and dad, and no scar. And I was flying round on a broom and just…being normal. For wizards. She was really pretty.”

Remus smiled softly. “She was. She was very pretty, and very kind. Very clever.” He stopped, then said, “she loved you a lot. The day Sirius and I came to see you when you were born—she had you at home—she said you’d given her fifteen hours of hell. So you owed her.”

Harry laughed a little, but he looked sad. “D’you think I’m doing alright? You think she’d be proud?”

“I think she’s very proud, Harry.” Remus felt his heart ache for his loss, for Harry’s loss. He missed Lily fiercely. “Remind me to tell you some stories later, alright? Of watching your mum humiliate your dad. Or when she sort of started to actually like us and spend time. It was nice.”

Harry nodded as he finished his cocoa. “Alright. And er…thanks. It’s nice to come home to you know…people.”

Remus grinned. “I know what you mean.”

*** 

All seemed very well.

Except when it didn’t. Except when they got a hysterical floo from McGonagall because Harry had gone against any rational thought and had broken through the wards Albus and the teachers set to protect the Philospher’s Stone. 

Except when the teacher who went after it was tethered to Voldemort, and though Harry succeeded in thwarting him again, he’d nearly died.

He was unconscious for three agonising days. The three men were beside themselves, James running himself absolutely spare thinking Harry might not wake. Both Dumbledore and Pomfrey—the witch singularly responsible for Remus surviving all seven long years of transforming and tearing himself to bits—assured them Harry would be fine.

They only barely restrained themselves from throttling Dumbledore where he stood at letting this happen. Because how could he? How?

But they were brought to Harry’s beside the moment he was awake. He was calm, surrounded by sweets and tokens of the whole school who unfortunately knew about the entire thing. Well, other than the Voldemort bit of it.

Harry was still trembling as James grabbed him, staring at him as though he wasn’t sure he should start shouting at him, or hug him. He eventually went with the latter, and Harry let out a muffled whimper.

“M’sore,” he complained.

James loosened his hug, but didn’t let go entirely. “I’m…I can’t…Harry how could you have been so…”

Harry looked down. “Wasn’t thinking.”

“Obviously,” James said. He looked over at Remus and Sirius who—though they had been worried sick—were not the least bit surprised. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“No one would believe me. I didn’t want Voldemort to get the Stone!” Harry insisted. “It was the Philosopher’s Stone, dad. It would have…would have brought him back. Immortal!”

James looked like he was going to be ill all over the hospital floor. “Harry, I…”

Before he could finish, Albus came to collect them. “Just a word,” he begged.

They reluctantly left Harry’s side, and went to his office. “I should kill you for this,” James hissed the moment they were behind closed doors. “How dare you! How dare you bring that here! If you knew it was a target, you should have destroyed it!”

“It wasn’t mine to destroy,” Dumbledore said calmly. “And as it is, it took some convincing to get Nicolas to agree.”

James looked livid, but Remus stepped up. “So he’s not dead.”

“He is not,” Albus admitted. “For how long he’ll remain weak, I cannot say. He’s all-but powerless.”

“Except when he’s leaching off a professor that _you bloody hired_ , and dead-set on killing my son!” James roared.

Remus put his hand on James’ arm. “This cannot happen again.”

“And you three must understand why I’ve called you back. We’re not resurrecting the Order. Not yet, but we must be prepared.”

“Bloody buggering hell,” James swore, shaking Remus off and pacing. “You can’t expect me to fight after I already lost Lily! You want me to put Harry at risk.”

“He’s Voldemort’s target,” Dumbledore said, folding his hands in front of him. “I expect you to do what you must in order to protect him.”

“You’re a bastard,” Sirius spat. “He’s eleven.”

“And he’s a target,” Dumbledore insisted. “I need you three to be prepared for the worst. It will not be tomorrow, it may not be until Harry is a grown man, but it will happen.”

Remus let out a sigh, then looked at the two men he loved most in the world, and nodded his head. “Only this time, there will be no secrets. This time no spying.”

Dumbledore looked down, but eventually nodded his head. “If those are your conditions…”

“They are,” Sirius and James echoed.

“Then I can do nothing more than accept them. But prepare yourself. War is coming again, and Harry will be the centre of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is CoS. Will there still be a flying car? Will Harry get a James/Sirius/Remus Howler? (Probably)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took ages. I had to re-write nearly the entire thing after my computer crashed. And I feel like maybe it's a bit shite, but it's getting there. Also end-game for Harry is going to be Harry/Draco--just so we're clear on that. I plan to keep Cedric's death canon, but their relationship...ahem...less canon. I won't be going into too much detail as it's told from the Marauder's POV, so you'll mostly see it happening when they're on holiday together and stuff. Either way, hope this update is decent.

Remus startled awake at the sound of a door slamming, then the hum of music from behind a closed door. In the hallway, there was a resigned sigh, then heavy shoes clomping down toward the lounge. With a groan, he rolled over to find the other half of the bed empty, meaning Sirius had likely already gone down to the bookshop, and the only two left in the house were James and Harry—who were rowing again.

It was three days from Harry’s birthday, and the almost two months of summer hols had been fraught with tension between Harry and his dad. At first the almost twelve year old was excited to have a flat in London, be allowed to keep his most favourite muggle things along with the introduction of wizarding life, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t full of resentment. At elven years old he’d had the entire wizarding world thrown on his shoulders, and had now come face to face with the monster who murdered his mother.

Remus could only imagine, really, what Harry was going through.

Grabbing his dressing gown, Remus headed for the kitchen to have tea and try to relieve James a bit. James had been in and out of ministry work, less enthusiastic about it with Harry’s safety having been compromised a few months back and spent more time with Remus and Sirius at the shop than anything else.

He found his friend sat at the table, glasses off, face in his hands. Remus passed by, dropping his fingers down to squeeze James’ shoulder. “Alright, Jamie?”

He let out a muffled laugh, his head shaking. “I’m exhausted.” He took a breath, lifting his face up and squinted at Remus. “Were we this bad?”

Remus laughed as he walked over to the kettle and flicked it on. “Er, not this bad, I don’t think. I mean, you lot were distracted by my full moon problem, and I was busy trying to hide it. We also didn’t have the knowledge that by some unnamed power, we cheated death and brought down an evil wizard who’s returned to try and kill us. I think it’s natural for him to feel a bit…”

“Hateful?”

Remus’ face fell. “He isn’t.”

“Well he sure likes to say it,” James said, his face miserable.

“What’s he in a strop about today?” Remus grabbed a tea bag and poured water over it, into the mug.

“He wants to have his mates over for his birthday, but I’m not entirely sure that’s a good idea.”

Remus frowned as he sat next to James at the table. “Why not?”

“Well…well we’re in muggle London, and I’m fairly certain that Weasley boy’s spent no time round muggles. If we’re in danger, if we’re being watched or…”

Remus reached over, taking James’ hand. He got it then, James’ apprehension. He’d spent years in hiding, and even before that—during the war—they were in constant danger. “I think Ron will be perfectly capable of subtlety. And if not, he’s got both Harry and Hermione to keep him in line. We won’t let them just bang round like your parents did.”

James let out a breath. “I’m being a bit unreasonable, aren’t I?”

Before Remus could answer, there was a small alert from the mirror, and Remus rose to get it. It was Sirius, and instead of his usual grin, he looked drawn. “Hallo love.”

“I’ve got a letter. A…another…” His hand came into view, holding a familiar bit of parchment. It was a lead on Pettigrew, and Remus felt his stomach drop. 

“Where?”

“Alsace.”

Remus’ eyes widened. “What? France? How reliable is this, Sirius?”

“About as reliable as any of our leads have ever been but…” He swallowed.

Remus let out a sigh, then looked over at James who had helped himself to Remus’ tea. “I’m going to put you on with James. If you’re going this time, you’re not going alone.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “Remus I…”

But Remus was passing the mirror over and then busied himself with tea. The truth of it was, James needed to do this. He needed to feel useful and being beholden to the Ministry, and being stuck working a cash till in a muggle bookshop was not useful. He was coming out of hiding after his wife had been murdered and his entire family lost to a madman who decided he wasn’t done with the Potters.

James needed this.

“I don’t know,” Remus heard James say quietly. “Harry…”

Turning, Remus walked over. “He’ll be fine with me. These trips usually only take at most a week, and I’ve got three until the next full moon. Harry can spend time with the Weasleys as well, you know. He’d like that.”

“You think it’s safe?”

“Whatever’s left of Voldemort,” Sirius said quietly, “he’s not a threat. Not yet. And if we can get our hands on that little rat…”

“Okay,” James breathed. He looked at Remus. “You really think I ought to.”

Remus gave a slow, firm nod. “Yes, love. I do.”

*** 

Sirius called in one of their employees to finish up for the day, and returned around lunch to find a sulking Harry at the table poking his fork through reheated spaghetti from the night before. James hadn’t yet told Harry he was alright with his friend spending time, nor had he announced his spontaneous trip which they would leave for the day after Harry’s birthday.

“Why so glum, chum?” Sirius asked, nudging Harry as he dropped into a chair.

Harry looked over and sighed. “Dad’s being unreasonable. Again.”

Sirius lifted a brow at James who rolled his eyes. “He wants his friends over for his birthday.”

“And…they don’t get into enough trouble for your liking?” Sirius asked.

Harry choked a bit as James reached over and thwaped Sirius on the back of the head. “Don’t be a git. I’m only concerned about drawing attention to us.”

“Right,” Sirius said, leaning back. “Well, my vote is for Harry.”

Harry’s eyes widened, and he dared glance over at Remus who was drying mugs. Knowing James had already decided it was alright, he shrugged one shoulder. “I think it would be alright.”

Harry jumped from his chair, pointing a finger at his dad. “Three against one! I knew having more parents here would work out in my favour. I’m going to owl Ron and Hermione!” He scrambled out of the room as James let out a groan. 

“Fuckers.”

Sirius laughed, but there was a pink tinge to his cheeks and Remus knew it came from Harry calling them all his parents. Remus felt it too, but he tucked it away deep inside for much later. He hung the last mug up on its hook as Sirius eased himself from the table, putting his arms round Remus’ waist from behind, and kissed the back of his neck.

“Hi love.”

Remus reached a hand back, cupping Sirius’ cheek. “Hi. I missed you.”

Sirius kissed him again very softly, sending shivers up his spine. “I was only gone four hours.”

“Four very long ones, and after that you and James will be gone a while.”

“You know he won’t be able to stay away for long,” Sirius said. “It won’t be like…like before.”

Remus lowered his eyes. “I know. I’m…I’m not worried. I mean obviously I am, if things are starting again, but I know we’re not going to lose anything like we did before. No more secrets.”

“None,” Sirius said, whispering the word into Remus’ ear. 

He slowly unwound himself from Remus, pulling James into the lounge to discuss the specifics before Harry came back out. They wouldn’t tell the boy details, of course. They’d call it a Ministry mission, and Harry would likely be fine with just Remus for a week or two.

*** 

Harry was perfectly fine with the idea, and in fact relished the idea of his dad going on a short holiday without him. “He never went anywhere like…ever,” Harry said gnawing on a raw carrot as he leant against the counter where Remus was preparing tea. “When I was very little, this barmy old woman who lived down the street from us would mind me when Dad was busy or wanted to have a pint. But I think something happened or he panicked or…” Harry trailed off with a shrug. “He stopped doing it.”

Remus let out a small sigh. “The war wasn’t easy. It affected us in a lot of ways we never realised.”

Harry nicked another piece of carrot before flopping onto a chair and leaning his head onto his hand, elbow propping him up. “Is that why you and Sirius never row?”

Remus blinked, then laughed a bit. “Harry, we row all the time. He’s always…”

“No,” Harry interrupted. “I mean, whinging because he put his toothbrush in the shower, or because he left a soggy tea bag on the counter isn’t rowing. I mean…well I’ve seen my mates’ parents. Shouting and getting really angry and storming out. You two never do that. Ever.”

Remus swallowed thickly. “Well…maybe you’ve a point there. There was a time during the war when…when we stropped trusting each other.”

“Why?”

“There was a spy,” Remus said, trying not to burden the boy with too many details. “No one knew who it was, only that the Dark Lord was getting information he shouldn’t have. People we loved were dying, and...and there were too many secrets. We all had our orders, our mission, and we couldn’t tell anyone.”

“Not even my mum and dad?”

Remus shook his head. “My position was…well vulnerable in the war. So I couldn’t say a word. And your godfather started to think that maybe I was the traitor.”

Harry’s eyes went wide. “But he loves you. I’ve never seen anyone look at their husband the way he looks at you.”

Remus felt his cheeks colour a bit, and he smiled down at the counter as he tipped his chopped veg into the roast pan with the chicken. “He does. He did, even then. But war does ugly things to people, Harry. And we all do things we regret.”

Harry looked drawn. “You forgave him?”

Remus nodded. “Of course I did. Always will, I think. Someone once…” Remus’ throat when tight when he remembered _who_ had said it all those years ago. He cleared his throat. “Someone once told me there wasn’t a thing on earth your dad or Sirius could do that I wouldn’t forgive them for.”

“Is it true?” Harry asked.

Remus looked at the boy for a while, then grinned. “So far, it seems so.”

*** 

Ron and Hermione arrived on the 31st to find Harry lounging on his bed listening to the album Sirius picked up. “Give it away, give it away, give it away now,” he crooned along with the rapid lyrics. Ron stood in the doorway, perplexed and overly fascinated by everything muggle in the room.

Harry grinned over Ron’s shoulder at Remus and Sirius before the two friends went inside and the door was slammed unceremoniously in the very uncool adults’ faces.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’d think he’d be more appreciative.”

“Welcome to my world, mate,” James said as he passed by, heading to the lounge to speak with Arthur. 

Arthur was stood in the centre of the room looking around in extreme fascination, and he brightened at the sight of James. “So good to see you, Potter.”

James smiled, extending his hand as Remus went to make tea and Sirius collapsed on their armchair. “How are you?”

“Excellent. Took a bit of time, finding the place. Molly’s a bit…well nervous about you not having a floo set up but…”

“We’re working on that,” James said. “We’ll have it sorted before term. No plans to let Harry go back without a way to communicate. Not after…everything.”

Arthur darkened. “Right. Well. We’re all on edge, I suppose. Waiting to see if we’ll be recalled.”

James ruffled his hair, then shuffled his feet as he looked over at Sirius. Their mission was secret, which was making James all the more nervous as secrets were what nearly destroyed them the last time. 

“Gotta stay positive though, eh?” Sirius chirped as Remus returned with tea. He set it out on the table and gave Sirius a withering look.

“Yes, but not unrealistic.”

Arthur took his tea, taking a seat with a small sigh as the rest followed. “Things are getting…tense. They’ve got us on raids, list of names which were…” He cleared his throat. “Associated with that sort last time. Word’s spread of course, and a lot of the families are paying visits to Gringott’s and Knockturn Alley. I’ve got the Malfoys on my list next week.”

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “That git. Harry’s told us plenty about his boy.”

“Ron as well,” Arthur said with a small sigh. “It’s starting to feel like it was. Before.”

James swallowed audibly, but smiled when Sirius reached over and grabbed his knee. “Well, we know better now.”

“Do we?” Arthur asked. He took a drink of his tea and sat back, looking weary and worried. “We were losing. Then whatever happened with…with…” He looked uncomfortable.

“It’s alright,” James said, nodding. “Lily sacrificed her life, saved Harry, and somehow Voldemort fell.”

“But we never knew why. Not really. We were losing. Badly. Albus was no closer to discovering how to take him down. It was so circumstantial and if we have to walk into a battle like that again…”

“So we don’t let him rise,” Remus said, his voice hard. All three men looked at him. “We do everything in our power to prevent it.”

*** 

James and Sirius arrived at the small inn late in the evening. James sorted out the room whilst Sirius gathered what they would need to plot out where to look, and eventually they headed up to the room. Opening the door, James let out a sigh. “Sorry, it was all they had.”

The room was quite small, one bed, a toilet, small standing shower, and an ancient telly that looked like it had been transported from the early seventies. In fact, Sirius mused, it looked rather like the one he’d plonked down in his first muggle flat when he was trying to impress his mates.

The nostalgia was overwhelming, as was having James there with him, and he took in a shaking breath as he put their cases near the bed.

“It’s fine, you know,” he said after some time. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

James nodded, not quite meeting Sirius’ eyes as he began to unroll the maps. Most were charmed, the remaining Marauders using what they’d learnt as students, and although they hadn’t been able to get anything as extensive as the Marauder’s Map, Sirius had managed to work out a charm which would detect the presence of any animagus in the area. As there were only seven registered and they had the known addresses to each, if any showed up in the area, there was a good chance it would be Pettigrew.

“Anything?” Sirius asked as he slipped out of his jeans and into a more comfortable pair of pyjama bottoms. 

James shook his head, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. “What erm…what do these missions usually entail? I mean, apart from the maps?”

“Well we’ll meet with my contact—I’ve a few spread round Europe and they’re all aware of Pettigrew’s animagus form—and then we start looking. Asking round, talking to people. Blending in. Usually I’d stick to muggle areas because I don’t think he’d be brave enough to hide anywhere he might get found out by a mistimed spell.”

James’ eyes were focused on the map, but when nothing popped up, he sighed and folded it back into the case. “Alright. Anything else?”

“Nothing mission related,” Sirius said, easing himself down against the pillows. Even with the cushioning charm, the long drive made his arse ache.

“Which is?”

He chuckled. “I usually try and find old, rare books and records for the shop. I rarely come home empty handed.”

“For Remus.”

Sirius’ grin softened. “Aye.”

James’ eyes moved down to his feet as he toed off his boots, then pushed back on the bed just a little. After a moment, Sirius made an impatient noise and reached out for his arm, yanking him up to the pillows.

“Come on, you fucking tosser. What happened to the bloke who used to love cuddles?”

“The war?” James offered, though he didn’t push Sirius’ arms away. “A dead wife. Hiding myself and my son for almost ten years. Very nearly losing the only people on this earth I’ve ever really loved.”

Sirius let out a small sigh as he yanked James into a cuddle, holding him tight round the shoulders. James resisted only a moment, then tucked his head into Sirius’ neck. “Well you’ve not lost us, you know?”

“I know,” James breathed. He shifted, putting his arms round Sirius’ middle and let himself be held. “And sometimes it’s easy. I mean, I know I’ve kept you both at a distance this past year but…I don’t think I could take losing either of you again, and if war is on the horizon, I might.”

“You won’t,” Sirius said, his voice harsh. “James…”

“No, Sirius,” he said, and pulled back to look at his best friend. “I might. You might. You could be the only one left standing at the end. Or Remus might be. Or—Merlin forbid—Harry. We don’t know. Arthur was right when he said we had been losing when Voldemort fell. What are we supposed to do if he rises again?”

Sirius let one hand drift up to James’ hair and ran his fingers through it. “Fight him. Because what else are we doing to do, Jamie?”

Turning his face into the front of Sirius’ shirt, he let out a shaking breath. “I don’t know if I can do this again, Padfoot.”

The name struck something hard and aching, something Sirius had tucked away inside him to forget about because it reminded him of who they were hunting. And why. And who they’d lost. And who they’d been. “You can,” Sirius said, but his voice was uneven and broken. “Because we can.”

James clung on harder, not looking up, but it didn’t matter. They had each other now. And they knew what they could lose. Sirius didn’t care what he had to do. No one else was going to die.

*** 

Remus was preparing to take Harry to the Burrow to spend the week with Ron when he felt a funny bit of magic. It wasn’t wizarding, and it had come from the street. Grabbing his wand, Remus was out the door and halfway to the pavement when Harry came bursting in, his face red.

“Remus!” The twelve year old looked shaken and very confused.

“What was that?”

“Something called a House Elf,” Harry said, panting. “It’s…it was trying to tell me I can’t go back to Hogwarts, then it exploded a massive tray of cakes all over some bakers who were trying to load them into a delivery truck and it disappeared. What the bloody hell is a House Elf?”

Remus couldn’t even begin to chastise the boy for his language, he was so stunned. Pulling Harry upstairs, he shut the door, but before he could ask any more questions, there was an owl at the window. Rushing over, he opened it and to his grand dismay, saw it was from the ministry.

Looking over at Harry, he grabbed the letter and read. “Bugger.”

Harry blinked. “What is it?”

“It’s a warning from the ministry about using magic in front of muggles.”

“But I didn’t!” Harry insisted. “It was the Elf thingie. What is going on, Remus?”

He sank onto the sofa and scratched at his chin. “I don’t know. Can you tell me what happened, exactly?”

“Well, I was in my bedroom when this thing appeared. Wearing a …well I don’t know what, but it wasn’t clothes. And it started babbling about how Hogwarts isn’t safe and I couldn’t go back. Then when I tried to ask it about where it came from, it started bashing itself about the face with my lamp. Then it said I’d never get my Hogwarts letter, and I realised it had all my post, I chased it down to the street. Then it told me it was sorry, and made the cakes explode.”

“Why…?” Remus let out a small sigh. “Did it tell you a name?”

“Dobby,” Harry said.

Remus rubbed at his eyes. “Not familiar. Listen, I think I should get your dad and Sirius home. And maybe reconsider the trip to Ron’s…”

“No!” Harry cried. “Please. Please, Remus. Dad never lets me spend time with my mates. I…I promise if it shows up I’ll floo. Just…please.”

Like James, Remus found himself unable to tell Harry’s wide eyes and impressive pout no. “Your dad’s going to kill me, you realise this?”

Harry’s grin burst onto his face and he launched himself at Remus, hugging him tight. “Thank you.”

“Bloody Potters,” Remus said fondly, giving Harry’s head a pat. “They’ve agreed to take you to Diagon Alley, so I’ll send word about your Hogwarts’ letter…”

Just then another owl appeared. Unsure what to make of it, Remus opened the window and saw it bore the Hogwarts’ seal. “Well, reckon Dumbledore’s on top of it,” he muttered. He handed it off to Harry who opened it and found a rather large list.

“Wow, Defence didn’t have this many books last year.”

Remus took it and blinked. Every book was written by Gildeory Lockart. “Must be a fan,” Remus muttered.

“Fan?”

“He’s a bit of a celebrity. Course you wouldn’t know,” Remus mused. “Lockhart was a few years behind us at Hogwarts. Bit of a tosser, really.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Well I’m sure Professor Dumbledore knows what he’s doing.”

Remus made a displeased hum, but didn’t go into it any further. Instead he ordered Harry to get packed and ready for the trip. They’d just got the floo sorted, and he felt much better having a direct link to wherever Harry was staying, especially with Sirius and James gone.

Harry came bursting out of the bedroom about nineteen seconds later with a poorly packed up case and his shoes on, but untied. He had his broom slung over his shoulder, and his glasses were askew. “I’m ready,” he gasped.

Remus snorted a laugh as he motioned toward the fireplace. “Alright, you remember what to do?”

“Speak clearly, don’t move, don’t get out until I see a Weasley.” Harry took a pinch of the powder and threw it into the flames. Hauling his stuff into the green fire, he shouted, “The Burrow!” and spinning, he was gone.

Remus followed a moment after, and carefully stepped out onto Molly’s lounge floor. Harry was just there, already smiling at a grinning Ron, and Remus made quick work of the soot with his wand.

“Oh Remus, good,” Molly said, coming over to brush a stray bit of ash from his shoulder. “Will you be staying for tea?”

Remus shook his head. “Fraid not. I’ve got some business to tend to with the shop. But if you need to send him back early for any reason…”

“Don’t be silly. James and Sirius still on their holiday?”

Remus glanced round, catching the Twins giving him a curious look, before he nodded. “They are. Should be done by the end of the week, I reckon.” He leant in toward her and dropped his voice. “Listen, a House Elf paid Harry a visit today, saying something about him not going back to Hogwarts. I think it even attempted to have him expelled.”

Molly’s eyes went wide. “What? Do you have any idea who it belonged to?”

“No,” Remus said darkly, “but now that the world knows Harry and James survived…it could be anyone. He’s got an official warning from the Ministry now, though, so keep an eye on him. And keep a look-out for one.”

Molly nodded, looking furious. “Of course I will.”

“Just floo if you need anything.”

She gave his arm a pat. “It’s…It’s really good to have him here, you know. All that time thinking…thinking…”

Remus cleared his throat and nodded. “I know.” He gave her hand a squeeze before calling out to Harry. “Haz, I’m off now.”

Harry came bolting back down the stairs and threw his arms round Remus. “Alright. Please don’t worry dad. I think I would actually keel over and die properly if he shows up here all…all in a strop about the stupid House Elf.”

Remus sighed, but gave the boy’s hair a ruffle. “You know I won’t. Just stay safe and if you see it again, I want you to fetch Molly immediately.”

“I will,” Harry promised.

Remus wasn’t entirely sure he believed the boy—being that he was James’ son and all, but he let it go. Saying goodbye to the rest of the Weasley house, Remus returned back to the flat and sat on the sofa.

Alone again, and now the place was far too quiet for his liking. He was used to them being round again, and a small flicker of fear settled in his gut at the prospect of another war ripping away the things he loved most.

*** 

Stood before the bike, Sirius let out a small, disappointed sigh. Nearly two weeks and not a whisper. The most it had done was force James and Sirius to relive the painful moments of their last year, and the crushing frustration that they’d come no closer to capturing the person responsible for their pain.

A hand came to rest on Sirius’ shoulder, giving him a squeeze. “Next time, yeah? He can’t hide forever.”

“He might be dead,” Sirius said with a shrug as he shrunk their possessions and stuffed them into the storage compartment. “It’s occurred to me several times.”

“He might be. And it would have been too good for him,” James said.

Sirius turned, leaning against the bike, his head shaking. “He’ll be destined for the Kiss, you know. Most likely. And I wonder if that’s an easier fate than he deserves. I was in Azkaban for such a short time compared to most, and forced to relive the moment I betrayed Remus. That I betrayed you and Lily by believing that little rat’s lies. Thinking you were dead, you and Harry were…” He trailed off, and cleared his throat. “It’s worse than losing your soul.”

“Unless you’re incapable of no remorse,” James said quietly. He ruffled his hair a bit. “Do you think it’s our fault?”

“What?” Sirius asked quietly.

“Peter. What we did, you know? We included him, but we never…he was never really part of us. Not the way he wanted.”

“Neither was Frank. Frank lived in our dorm for seven sodding years and he still…” Sirius trailed off, not able to think about Frank and Alice. When he’d got the news the Death Eaters had gotten to them, that they were as good as dead. Possibly worse. He’d never been able to bring himself to go and see them, which he would forever feel guilty about.

“Dumbledore told me about Frank and Alice. Isn’t their boy in Harry’s year?”

Sirius cleared his throat. “Yeah. Neville. In Gryffindor as well.”

James’ smile was sad, but fond. “It’ll be okay, you know? All of this.” He reached up, cupping Sirius’ face and drew him into a long, chaste kiss. He buried his nose in Sirius’ hair and let out a heavy sigh. “I have to believe that.”

Sirius clung to the front of James’ jumper, clinging hard to the idea that he was getting _his_ James back. His best friend. The one who held him every time he was hurt. The one who never left his side ever. His family. “So do I.”

They pulled apart, Sirius starting the bike, and as James cast a disillusionment charm, they took to the skies, determined to be back with Remus before the night was over.

*** 

It was three days before the full moon, and four days before Harry would be at Diagon Alley. Remus was laid out on the sofa, the telly on in the background though he wasn’t watching it, and he was drifting in and out of fitful sleep. As the moons grew closer these days, in spite of the potions his body ached more and more.

He was just settling into a dream when the front door opened, and he sat up with a gasp. Rubbing at his temples, it took him a moment to focus his eyes as James and Sirius walked through the door.

“Hey love,” Sirius said, coming right over to ease down onto the cushion next to his lover. “How are you?”

Remus cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders back. “Aching a bit. Took my potion early this week since we’ve got to meet Harry and the Weasleys at Diagon Alley the morning after.”

“You don’t need to come,” James said softly as he shucked his jacket onto the back of the armchair. “No need to sacrifice your rest.”

“I’ll be fine,” Remus said with a small grin. “How was the trip?”

“The usual,” Sirius said, groaning as Remus pulled him down into a cuddle. “Not a whisper of anything, but we found a couple of decent old books for the shop.”

James eased himself onto the sofa to the side of Sirius, and kicked one foot up onto the table. “How was Harry?”

“The usual,” Remus said with a small laugh. “Blossoming hormones and pre-teen angst. But he behaved and so far he’s having a good time with the Weasleys.” Remus debated for all of a moment about the House Elf before he spilt the entire story. When James looked horrified, Remus reached out, touching his knee. “It’s sorted, and Molly’s been on the look-out. We can assume it was someone just trying to frighten him.”

James shook his head. “You should have told me.”

“Why? It would have sent you both back here early,” Remus defended.

“And? We turned up fuck-all.”

Remus gave him a slightly withering look. “And then you’d have spent the entire time wondering if you missed your opportunity. I’m capable, you realise.”

James deflated. “I know. Re, I’m sorry I…”

“It’s fine,” Remus said, and leant his head against Sirius’ shoulder. “If you want to floo and check in on him, might as well. But he’s asked me not to say anything to you because he’s afraid you’ll stop letting him out on his own.”

James let out a sigh. “Molly knows about the House Elf?” Remus nodded. “Then I suppose I’ll hold off until Diagon Alley.” He leant his head back against the sofa cushion, closed his eyes, and sighed. “I got my hopes up we’d find something. And I think my disappointment is more than just not finding him. It’s the reminder that even if we do, it won’t matter. Nothing’s going to bring her back.”

Remus tensed, and nudged Sirius who reached over and pulled James closer. “We miss her too.”

“I know.” James pulled off his glasses and rubbed his face. “Just…fuck I barely had her with me, you know? Spend too sodding long being a prat, then I finally get my head out of my arse, only to lose her in three years. How’s that fair?”

“It isn’t,” Remus said very quietly. “It’s unfair that she’s not here right now. That Harry won’t know her. That we have to sit here bloody missing her every day.”

James let himself nuzzle in closer to his two best friends, and though he didn’t cry, the tears themselves weren’t necessary. They were doing their own mourning now, together, as it should have been the first time.

When Remus and Sirius went to bed that night, they pulled James with them as they’d done so many times in their youth. It wouldn’t be every time, not every night, but it was a reminder that they were there for him whenever he needed them. No matter what.

*** 

They met the Weasleys at Diagon Alley at Florean’s. Harry looked a bit worse for the wear until he mentioned he’d cocked-up the floo and ended up in Knockturn Alley. But James, although stiff in the shoulders, said nothing and let the moment pass.

Sirius and James went to Gringott’s whilst Remus stayed with the Weasleys, and they all met over at Flourish and Blott’s where—to everyone’s great surprise—there was queue to listen to Gilderoy Lockhard talk about his new autobiography.

“This twat,” Sirius muttered, playing lightly with Remus’ fingers. “How’d he get up to any of this? He was pants at everything at school.”

James snorted. “Not everything. He was a Ravenclaw so he obviously had talents.”

“But Defence?” Sirius questioned. “Sounds like a load of bollocks. They’re just after him for the hair products. Most of which he nicked from your dad’s formulas.”

“Oh I don’t care,” James said with a shrug. “Honestly Sirius, what does it…”

“It can’t be,” Gilderoy was saying, and shoving someone out of the way. His hand snaked out and before any of the three Marauders could react, Harry was yanked from his friends and posed for a photo for the Daily Prophet.

“No they don’t,” James growled, shoving his way over. “Come on, Haz. That’s quite enough.” He gave Lockhart a withering glower who froze.

“James Potter?”

“Who else?” James challenged. “And I think you ought to at least ask him if he’s alright with this.” He put his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Well I was merely excited because I planned to give Harry here my entire collected works. As a gift,” Lockhart said, swiping his fringe away from his eyes, “as I am to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor this year.”

“You’re shitting me,” Sirius snorted. “You?”

“I believe Dumbledore finds me well qualified,” Lockhart said, then tipped a massive stack of books at Harry.

The boy looked mildly uncomfortable and turned to Mrs Weasley who was preening a bit still at the sight of Lockhart. “Here,” Harry said, tipping them into the cauldron she was holding. “You can have these. Dad’s already got mine.”

Mrs Weasley tried to protest, but James wouldn’t hear it. “No really, I have. Go on.”

They were just about to make their way out when a shock of blonde hair stepped out, and James and Sirius both froze to see Lucius Malfoy stood there with a sneer on his face. “Well well, if it isn’t the Potters.”

Sirius reached for his wand, but didn’t draw it, and noticed James had done the same. “And the Malfoys,” James replied, giving a once-over to Lucius’ son. “Clever work, keeping out of Azkaban. How’s the arm?”

Lucius’ free hand went reflexively to his forearm and his eyes darted back and forth. “And Arthur. Surprised they gave you any time off seeing as the Ministry’s had you on all those raids. And by the state of things not even increasing your wages.” He pulled a book from the cauldron and sneered at it. “Pity, if you’re going to disgrace the name of wizard…”

He didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence as the cauldron had gone flying, and a shock of red hair whipped past Sirius as Arthur launched himself at Lucius Malfoy.

The Marauders let it carry on several punches before sorting Arthur out, and proceeded to buy everyone a pint at the Leaky Cauldron.

*** 

To their grand dismay, the next full moon was to be on the first of September, meaning getting Harry to King’s Cross would be tricky. In the end, Harry came up with the solution after having another owl from Ron.

“…and he’s said I can ride with them in their car. Please,” Harry begged, putting his best pout on.

James sighed, but looked over at Remus who was pretending to be very busy with the kettle. Sirius was still down at the bookshop, but due any minute for tea. Pinching the bridge of his nose, James sighed. “Is this what I’ve got to look forward to as the teenage years approach? You forgetting about your pathetic, lonely father as you go off with your mates?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You were better?”

“Well my parents were very old and very uncool, unlike me,” James said, sticking his nose in the air.

“Oh my god,” Harry groaned, mortified. “Remus, please for the love of Merlin help me out here.”

Remus snickered to himself, finally turning round and coming into the lounge. He stopped behind James’ chair and put a hand on his shoulder. “If you want my humble opinion, I think it should be fine. And you can compromise.”

“How?” Harry asked, his voice laced with suspicion.

“How about your dad meets you on the platform before you leave. So you get a proper goodbye, but you also get a few nights to spend with Ron.”

Harry grinned, perking up. “That’s alright, isn’t it? I mean it’s not like we’re going to get up to anything terrible. Last time I was there Mrs Weasley let me help the Twins degnome the garden.”

“Oh Merlin help me,” James muttered, recalling the few times he’d been punished by his own parents with the task, though he’d been much younger than twelve. “Alright, fine. But let’s not make a habit of this, alright? I mean, your education is important but I do miss you.”

Harry looked like he wanted to groan, but also like he wanted to hug his dad, so Remus turned away and let the two of them have an actual moment. It was at that moment Sirius returned, bypassing the lounge to accost Remus in the kitchen with kisses all along his neck.

Laughing a bit, Remus took Sirius by the face, holding his palms to Sirius’ cheeks. “Warm welcome, indeed. What for?”

“Missed you is all,” Sirius said, tipping his head up to kiss Remus soundly.

Deep down Remus knew this was likely because the more time that went on, the more it felt like before. And before had nearly torn them apart. Remus would have been the worst liar if he tried to say he didn’t feel a bit more clingy than before, he was just better at hiding it than Sirius.

But knowing Harry would be safely at the Weasleys and he could run with Prongs and Padfoot set Remus at ease a bit. He turned, laughing when Sirius’ arms continued to wrap round him, and he managed to get their food sorted and brought to the table, even with the clingy man pressed to his back.

“Oh my god, you guys are so gross,” Harry said, but he was smiling. “Were they always like this?”

James smirked a little as he took his seat, helping himself immediately to the roast veg. “Oh they were worse. Well, worse mostly because they were both pretending like they weren’t madly in love with each other.”

“No better than your pining, mate,” Sirius said as he peeled himself away from Remus and took a seat next to Harry. “Trust me, it was dead awful, Haz. He was hopeless.”

Harry smiled and shook his head. “Well that’s never going to be me, just so we’re clear. I’m not going to catch _feelings_.”

The three men shared a look, their heads shaking a bit, but they let him have that. Harry was a lot like Lily in that respect—not nearly as needy or affectionate as James had been. Remus and Sirius both privately wondered if that was because Harry had grown up with a different James than they had, but honestly they’d never really know. And it didn’t matter. Harry was happy.

*** 

The full moon found the three remaining Marauders out in the woods near Remus and Sirius’ old cottage. They roamed carefully, Moony in a better state due to the potion, and although he was aching and sore the next morning, he was able to get back to his bed without having to be patched up the way he had ages ago before the Wolfsbane existed.

James was up properly first, in the shower as Sirius wrapped himself round Remus’ middle. “You want me to stay, love?”

Rolling over, wincing at the ache in his bones, Remus cupped Sirius’ cheek and shook his head. “No. Go with James and give Harry my love. Tell him I’ll write straight away.”

Sirius nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Remus’ mouth before closing his eyes, wanting just a few more minutes before they had to be out the door. 

Of course a few minutes turned into two hours, and Sirius woke to James smacking him upside the head. “Come on you mangy mutt, we’re going to be late.”

Sirius grumbled, peeling himself away from Remus as he fumbled for his travelling robes. Not bothering with his hair, knowing he’d never look as daft as James did, he followed his best friend into the lounge and they apparated to the platform where parents were already helping their kids get sorted.

The pair looked round for the gaggle of redheads, and as the clock ticked closer to eleven, there was no sign of them. James started to get fidgety and eased toward the barrier. “Think we ought to…” Just as he spoke, the first of the set rushed through, careening toward the train with his trolley. “Never mind.”

Sirius snorted as he and James stood back. The twins were next, then Molly and Arthur with the youngest and only girl. The pair frowned when Harry and Ron were missing.

“Oy! Arthur,” James called.

Arthur turned. “Sorry there, James. We got off to a late start and my blasted car…” He stopped and shook his head. “The boys will be along any second.” He hurried off to get his daughter sorted, and James reached for Sirius’ arm.

“Two minutes left. Do you think…?”

James didn’t say it, but he didn’t need to. Sirius’ hackles were already raised and they both walked to the barrier which now stood empty. Sirius walked forward first, crying out when his face met solid brick. “What the hell?”

James immediately looked panicked as he pushed hard on it, but there was no give. “Apparate,” he insisted.

Sirius nodded, turned, and waited. But nothing happened. “Shit,” he whispered.

James had his wand out, and it was just then other parents began to notice that something wasn’t entirely right. The other barriers were also blocked off, and several people were shooting off magic as they attempted to leave, but nothing was happening.

“Death Eaters,” Sirius whispered.

“Maybe, but I don’t know any wizard with this much power,” James muttered. He glanced over as Arthur and Molly made their way over. “The boys didn’t come through and we can’t leave.” By some miracle he managed not to sound absolutely panicked.

“We need to stop the train!” Molly all-but shouted. 

It was too late, however, as it disembarked and though Arthur ran off after it, they couldn’t stop it. The boys were missing, the adults were trapped, and there was no sign of Ron and Harry.

“You don’t think…?” James asked, his voice shaking.

“No,” Sirius said, taking James’ hand. The problem was, he _did_ think. Because Harry was a vulnerable, twelve year old who might have faced a dark wizard twice, but he was still human. He was uneducated and had no defensive skills, so if Pettigrew wanted to show his face, now would be the time. “He wouldn’t dare go after Harry. He wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s open,” a witch at the far end of the platform cried.

The pair wasted no time hurtling through, not caring much for the muggles who saw them. But the entire area was clear. Molly and Arthur were immediately at their heels as they made their way through the mid-afternoon crowd.

“Maybe they’re waiting by the car,” Arthur said. “Ron would know better.”

Trying his best not to panic, and keeping a firm hold on James, the four of them headed for the car. Only freezing when Arthur let out a groan, his hand flying to his mouth. 

“What?” Sirius demanded.

“It’s gone.” Arthur rubbed his face. “It’s…they _wouldn’t_ have.”

James was frozen in shock, Sirius still clinging to his hand and his first thought was, ‘Well would they? Because this is James bloody Potter’s son.’ Only he couldn’t think of Harry being that irresponsible.

Except the fact that he was twelve and maybe he could be talked into it. Unless someone else had something to do with it.

“What do we do?” James whispered.

“Maggie,” Sirius said with a shrug. “We get Maggie and cast the strongest disillusionment charm we know and we bloody go after him.”

*** 

Behind Sirius, high in the air, James was letting Remus know who said he would be sending an owl immediately to Hogwarts. After that, he clung on tight as they scoured the countryside for any sign of a flying Ford Anglia, but the problem was, if Harry and Ron had taken the car and were following the train, they had distance on them, at least an hour’s worth.

Sirius pushed the bike as fast as she would go, but the sun eventually began to dip down and the weather was freezing, and they were close to Hogwarts without catching sight of the missing pair of Gryffindors.

“He’ll turn up,” James muttered against Sirius’ back. “He will. He’ll turn up.”

“Yes,” Sirius said firmly. “He will absolutely turn up. This is your son being a bloody reckless Potter and not _thinking_. This is your son not having any idea that a mad wizard who was responsible for the death of his mother is still possibly out there.”

James stiffened. “I didn’t want him to live with that, Sirius. Do you have any idea what it might have done to him?”

“Yes,” Sirius replied hotly. “And I’m not asking you to tell him now, but it needs to be soon. He needs to understand why running off in a stolen car is dangerous in more ways than one.”

James was about to reply, but his breath caught in his throat as the castle came into view. Sirius decided to pull round near the front doors, hoping the first years were already inside and he wouldn’t cause a commotion. They both hopped up, hitching up their robes as they burst through the front doors, and to their very great displeasure, were met with a sneering face, and mop of greasy hair.

“Oh this is a delightful surprise,” Snape said.

Sirius immediately went stiff, reaching for his wand. “This doesn’t concern you, Snivellus.”

“Oh very witty after all these years, Black,” Snape replied, rolling his eyes. “And I believe it very much does concern me when your reckless child,” he was looking at James now, “decided he doesn’t need to abide by school rules—like a few wizards I have the misfortune of knowing—and fly a _car_ onto the premises, damaging Lupin’s Willow.”

Sirius sucked in his breath. “Where is he?”

“Both are being dealt with. McGonagall’s office,” Snape growled. “And the pair of you have no right to…”

James brandished his wand and took three steps forward. “I’ve no qualms with revisiting our past, Snape. Not where my son is concerned. Permission or not, I’ll be speaking to him now.”

“Ah,” came a gravelling voice, and they looked up to see Dumbledore coming round the corner. “I believe Mr Potter and Mr Weasley would be better left to finish their supper and off to bed. Without parental interference.”

James looked like he wanted to argue, but Sirius touched his arm to silence him. “You have to understand why James was concerned.”

“I do,” Dumbledore said, nodding. “But I’m afraid I must insist. This is a school matter now. You both are still welcome to use my floo, and I can send your motorbike along by morning.”

Livid, James was stiff all over, still holding his wand in the direction of a now-smirking Snape, but he didn’t have much choice. “Don’t think,” James said eventually, “that I won’t hesitated to pull him out. Don’t think I put any stock on what being a wizard means, Albus. Not after…not after Lily.”

Snape visibly flinched, and Sirius wanted to hex him, but managed to restrain himself. Instead they trudged up to Dumbledore’s office and within moments were back in the safety of the lounge.

Sirius collapsed on the sofa next to Remus, James taking to pacing the floor, muttering under his breath. “How could he be so careless? How?”

“I won’t begin to answer that,” Remus said. “You’re lucky it’s just this.”

“I never stole a bloody car!” James roared. 

“No,” Remus said carefully, “but at fifteen you were an illegal animagus—something that can carry a hefty—even lifetime sentence to Azkaban. So maybe consider it’s in his blood.”

James deflated a bit, then stormed away with a sharp, “He’s getting a Howler at the very least, and no presents this year!”

Sirius knew the latter was an absolute lie, and he laughed. “Imagine that. James Potter sending a Howler to his son for breaking the rules.”

Remus pulled Sirius in for a firm kiss. “I was terrified all day, but he’s alright, yeah?”

“He’s alright,” Sirius breathed against his lover’s mouth. “In need of a good thrashing, but alright.”

*** 

Harry’s letters home were full of apologies and grovelling, talking about Ron’s broken wand and how he’d never do anything like that again, and by the time Halloween neared, things had calmed down. At least as far as the letters were concerned. The worst he complained about was having detentions with Lockhart, and Malfoy’s father buying brooms for the entire Slytherin Quidditch team.

Of all the things, not that Remus and Sirius were surprised, but James seemed to be more furious about Lucius Malfoy and the brooms.

“That shouldn’t be allowed,” James insisted, kicking the side of the desk at the bookshop. “I ought to do the same. He thinks he can one-up Gryffindor because…”

“James, do not empty your vault to compete with Lucius Malfoy of all people,” Remus said dryly as he was marking inventory. “Gryffindor will do just fine. Honestly.”

James was not pleased about it, though he was amused to hear Harry’d been invited to Sir Nicolas’ Death Day party. 

“He’s going to regret that,” Sirius said, taking a long drink of his tea. “The smells.”

James shuddered. “Indeed. But the boy has to learn. Maybe he’ll think twice next time.”

“About what?” Sirius asked with a small laugh.

“Dunno, getting up to…up to things.” James huffed and leant on the counter near Remus who reached out and ruffled his hair. “I hate parenting. It’s dreadful.”

Remus hummed a little, smiling. “Yes well, you’re doing the best you can.”

Halloween was a sombre one, and the three stayed inside not talking much, but remembering Lily and vowing silently to make sure no tragedy befell them again. Not for their sakes, or for Harry’s.

*** 

The end of November was the first match the three men were able to make it to, and it was between Slytherin and Gryffindor. James was on edge the entire time, especially as he couldn’t help but recall Harry’s attack on his broom by Quirrell. But although the air was frigid and the mood tense, they were in good spirits as they sat in the stands.

“Malfoy,” Sirius said, nodding his head over to his cousin’s husband. “Git.”

“He won’t be looking so smug when Harry beats that greasy little clone of his, will he?” James groused.

Remus sighed, patting them both. “Or we can just enjoy the game for what it is and not take it personally.”

“He was a Death Eater,” Sirius hissed. “Not going to forget that any time soon.”

“No one with any sense will,” Remus said, but nodded to the pitch as the game began. And mostly it was fine. Gryffindor played far better even with less superior brooms, and Harry was watching keenly for the snitch. In fact, James got a great laugh when he realised Malfoy was too busy taunting Harry to notice the snitch near him.

And it was all really good until the bludger. It was spelled, that much was obvious, but moving too erratically for anyone to get a decent shot at it. Harry was immediately aware of it, and it was clear it was only after the Gryffindor Seeker. James was on his feet, shouting the match be halted, but no one was listening.

Harry was weaving in and out of players, trying to get away from it. He’d seen the snitch, and was going for it when the bludger flew at him. The crack of bones breaking was loud, but James’ cry was louder, and he was rushing toward the pitch before Sirius or Remus could stop him.

Not that they would have.

By the time James got down, the snitch was caught and the bludger had been dealt with. But to the Marauder’s horror, Lockhart was bending over Harry, his wand pointed at his arm.

“No!” James cried. He heard his lips curving round a spell he knew very well. One he’d used in order to have Sirius sneak into the hospital wing to see Remus post-moon. The spell to remove bones. He skin to a halt the moment Harry’s eyes went wide and he cried out. “You daft wanker!”

Everyone sucked in their breath as Lockhart laughed a bit. “Ah er well…that can happen sometimes, you know. In certain cases…”

“When you use the wrong sodding spell,” James bellowed.

Remus stepped in, shooing Lockhart off, and Hooch ordered Harry to the hospital wing. They were only allowed to stay a little while, Harry grimacing as he choked down the Skelegrow. “Oh sweet Merlin what is this stuff?”

“It’s not the best,” Remus cautioned, “and it hurts. But it does work and well enough to get you back on your broom.”

Harry grimaced as he leant back against the pillows. “Did anyone work out why the bludger was cursed?”

James’ jaw was tense as he shook his head. “No, but I’m sure Dumbledore’s on it.”

“Bloody well better be,” Sirius muttered.”

They didn’t stay very long at all, Harry in pain and Pomfrey shooing them out. They apparated back to their London flat where James collapsed on the sofa.

“It was Malfoy.”

Remus gave him a patient, but careful stare. “You can’t be sure of that. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to charm Quidditch equipment?”

“About as difficult as it is to lock down the train platform,” James replied. “Hard to imagine Malfoy’s got it in him.”

Sirius sighed as he sat on the sofa, rubbing at his eyes. “If Dumbledore won’t give you answers, write to Minnie. She’ll at least be honest.”

James groaned, but knew it was his only option.

*** 

They didn’t hear much about it after that. No one seemed to have any answers, and so far the Wizarding World was quiet. Even Arthur hadn’t turned up much during their raids, and the Marauders were nearing letting it go.

It was in December, just before the holidays that Harry sent the letter asking if either of his godparents or his dad knew anything about the Chamber of Secrets. Remus frowned at the letter, running his fingers through his curls. 

“I vaguely remember some legend,” he said.

“Oh I know all about it.” Both James and Remus looked at Sirius with some surprise, and he laughed. “Come on, Black Family? The Chamber was supposedly built by Salazar Slytherin to contain some beast which would cleanse the school of impurities. Load of purist rubbish. Except it’s the reason Hagrid was chucked out.”

The pair froze. “Sorry? What?”

Sirius looked a bit sheepish as he finished his story. “Mind, I only know this because Reg found out during his first year. Some daft year mate was going on about it. A student died in Hagrid’s year, and he was found out by some student—never learnt who—of having some creature. I mean…I mean it’s Hagrid,” Sirius said with a weak shrug. “Obviously it wasn’t him opening the chamber, but he was expelled and the attacks stopped. No one sorted it out. This was before Albus was Headmaster though.”

Remus frowned. “Should we tell Harry?”

James shook his head. “Whatever he’s asking us for, I don’t trust him not to try to get up to something.”

During the hols, Harry was distinctly quiet about his school goings on, but as there hadn’t been any more detentions or letters home, none of the Marauders could sort out what was wrong and eventually chalked it up to pre-teen hormones.

If they’d pried harder, they might have learnt the truth before the letters went out, however. But how could they know? 

“Hermione’s been petrified,” Sirius said, reading over the letter. “What the bloody fucking _hell_ does that even mean?”

James ripped the letter away and finished the rest. “Chamber of Secrets,” he groaned. “How? How is something going wrong every year he’s there?”

“James,” Remus said in a quiet voice. “Our world is dangerous.”

“I shouldn’t have come back,” he groaned. “He would have been safe away from it all.”

No one in the room actually believed that.

Later that night, Remus and Sirius were curled up round each other, a bit sweaty and sticky, but sated. Though their nerves were on edge, which kept Sirius very close to his lover. “I don’t feel like this is all a load of nothing.”

Remus turned, pressing a kiss to the underside of Sirius’ jaw. “I don’t either. I…I just don’t know _what_ it could be.”

Turning his head, Sirius slid his tongue into Remus’ mouth, kissing him possessively and hotly for several, long minutes. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to Sirius’ and breathed him in. “It means war. We have to just admit it aloud. Voldemort is trying to regain his power and we need to be alert.”

Remus clung to him tightly. “Fuck. I know. I know I just…”

Sirius kissed him again. “It won’t be the same love. I swear.”

*** 

They were brought in after Harry was recovered, and Dumbledore explained the entire thing as best he could. He’d already spoken to Harry about the events, and apparently—as Dumbledore explained to the worried Marauders—most of the attacks on Harry’s person had been a well-meaning but misguided House Elf formerly—thanks to Harry—belonging to the Malfoys.

James took no small pleasure in not only hexing Lucius as he attempted to leave the grounds, but knowing he’d lost himself a valuable servant. 

The worst of it, really, was learning that Voldemort had indeed left some impression on Harry. And not only that, but Harry had been suffering a lot and hadn’t said a word. “Parselmouth? And he was hearing the Basilisk the entire time?” James dropped his face into his hands. “Why won’t he talk to me?”

“He’s twelve,” Sirius said. “And he was frightened. And he probably got some shit advice from his friends.”

James shuddered and leant back in the chair. “Albus, you know I’m on the fence here about all this. I need to know we’re making progress. Because Arthur brought up a very good point last summer. We weren’t close to figuring out how to take Voldemort down. So if he rises to power…”

“I have some theories,” Albus said very quietly, “ones I believe have been partially confirmed today, that will help us should he find a way to return. For now, I believe we’re safe.”

“That isn’t comforting,” Sirius snapped. “Considering last time it was the secrets that nearly destroyed us, and led to the attack on James and Lily…”

“I will endeavour to not make the same mistakes twice,” the Headmaster said slowly. “But I’m going to ask you three to trust me. I will tell you everything I can—as soon as I know more. For now, Harry is safe, as is the school. This was not Voldemort, but a memory of him with power we didn’t expect.”

“And how do we know it won’t happen again?” Sirius demanded.

“We don’t. Which is why we will be taking extra precautions. Just know I’m doing my best.”

*** 

“I hate him,” James said after Harry was in bed. “Albus. He’s full of shit.”

Sirius beckoned James to join him and Remus on the sofa, and they plonked him down between them. Sirius took his hand, then kissed the side of James’ face. “We’re not overly fond either. But we’ll do the best we can. We’ve got decent news.”

James frowned, but saw a smile playing at Remus’ mouth. “What?”

“Albus has asked me to take the Defence post next year. Meaning one of us will be near Harry at all times next year.”

James visibly sagged, leaning his head against Remus’ shoulder. “Merlin, and who’s idea was that?”

“His,” Remus said earnestly. “But I’m not about to turn it down. Could get tricky with the moons, but we’ll make it work. Someone can fill in for me.”

James tugged his friends closer and breathed in. “I wouldn’t be able to do this if it wasn’t for you two.”

Sirius nuzzled his best friend, then kissed him again. “I know. But we’re together. And we’re going to be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next my favourite book- Prisoner of Azkaban--only who breaks out isn't Sirius but his deeelightful cousin, Bellatrix.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part One of Prisoner of Azkaban. I tried to encompass it all into a single chapter and realised it's not going to happen. So it's going to be told in 2 parts. Also trying to write the events of PoA into one or two chapters is bloody difficult. I'm skipping a lot, and obviously a lot from canon has changed. I've had to do some serious mental gymnastics to explain away why Sirius, James, and Remus haven't seen Scabbers (basically they don't even really know he's a rat...just go with it) because obviously they'd be checking every single rat they came across.
> 
> Anyway hopefully this update is decent enough. Next will be after my hiatus (which will hopefully be short)  
> x

Remus woke to the sounds of the floo roaring, and cracked one eye open to see Harry stumbling out of the grate. He was swiping ash from his shoulders as Remus struggled to sit up, but his body did not want to co-operate. It had been a rough moon, his potion having failed to arrive that month so he relied on James and Sirius to keep him in line—which they did of course, but it didn’t stop the violent ache he hadn’t felt in quite some time now.

Harry was looking at him carefully, his brow dipped in concern. “Hey Remus. You alright?”

“Poorly,” Remus said, easing himself up a bit against the sofa cushion. “You alright? You’re early, aren’t you?”

Harry ruffled his hair, sighing as he sank into his dad’s armchair. “Something happened. Dunno, Mr Weasley got called back to the Ministry and Mrs Weasley looked a bit panicked. Said I had to get back to you and dad.” He swiped at his cheeks, smearing the soot rather than brushing it away. “D’you know she doesn’t really care for Sirius much?”

Remus let out a pained laugh as he cleared his throat and shoved himself all the way into a sitting position. “Yes I’m…aware. She didn’t exactly approve of Sirius’ actions a lot of the time. Thinks he’s irresponsible.”

Harry pursed his lips. “Seems a bit silly. I mean…he’s great. You’re both great.”

“I know. Don’t worry too much about it.” Remus was worried though, for other reasons. Harry being sent back early meant only one thing—something happened regarding the Dark Lord. With a grimace, Remus reached over onto the side table for his wand, and summoned the mirror from the bedroom. He vaguely recalled James and Sirius both leaving early that morning, and he wondered if they knew what was happening. Giving the mirror a tap, he waited impatiently for several moments before James’ face appeared.

“Hey, I don’t have a lot of time to…”

“Harry’s back here,” Remus said. “Molly sent him. Wouldn’t say what was going on.”

He could see James reach up for his hair, his eyes narrow, mouth drawn and worried. “There’s been a break out at Azkaban.”

Remus went pale. “What? Who?”

James bit down on his lower lip before keeping his voice quiet. “The Lestranges. We can talk about it later, but Sirius has already increased the wards at the flat and so long as you two stay in inside, it should be fine. The Ministry’s ordered the Dementors to hunt them.”

Remus gave a visible shudder at the thought. “Alright well…see you in a while, yeah?”

“Yeah. Sirius is with me now so…we’ll be home soon.”

The mirror went dark, and Remus put it alongside his wand before looking over at Harry. The almost-teen was staring at him with some confusion, so he let out a small sigh. “You know what Azkaban is?”

Harry nodded. “Ron explained it last year when Hagrid got sent away.” He looked vaguely uncomfortable, as though he had some idea of what it was like for the gamekeeper.

“Two extremely high-security prisoners were released. They were part of the Dark Lord’s inner circle, and…”

“And they’ll come looking for me?” Harry offered, sounding less than pleased.

Remus let out a small breath and shifted the duvet over so Harry could sit down next to him. When he was comfortable, Remus reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s unfair we have to keep asking you to be careful.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, his voice bitter. “I just…I mean can’t I have a single year where someone’s not trying to kill me or possess my friends or teachers or something?”

Remus chanced a small smile, squeezing the boy’s shoulder a bit more. “At any rate, I’ll be with you this year at school, so there’s that. And I know for a fact your dad and Sirius are trying to find some place to shack up during the year down in Hogsmeade.”

“Oh great,” Harry said, rolling his eyes. “That’ll make people think I’m even cooler.”

Remus snorted. “I promise they won’t randomly show up.”

“Can you promise that?” Harry asked. “Because it seems like every time dad gets some barmy idea in his head he just goes with it without even stopping to think if he’s embarrassing his very fragile son.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow. “Very fragile son?”

“I’m thirteen, my ego is delicate.”

“Christ,” Remus muttered, shaking his head. “It’s unbelievable how much you’re his boy sometimes.”

Harry smiled, but then looked down at the hem of his t-shirt and fiddled with it. “Am I at all like my mum? And I don’t mean the eyes because I swear if someone says that one more time…”

“Yes,” Remus said swiftly. “You are.”

Harry blinked rapidly behind his glasses, then reached up and rubbed at his eyes under the lenses. “How?”

Remus laughed. “Your lack of detentions for one.” When Harry quirked a brow at him, Remus shrugged. “Your dad and Sirius set the record in second year, you know? For detentions. Mostly for hexing Slytherins. Your dad is an incredibly kind person—his family were champions for those in the wizarding world who often didn’t have a voice of their own, and he possessed that quality. But there was little room in his life for others outside of our little circle. It wasn’t that he was cruel—or not often. But he felt very little for them. You’re not like that.”

“What was she like?”

“At your age—I wish I knew better, but honestly we didn’t get to know her as well as we should have. We had precious little time with her, you know,” Remus said, his voice tight. “I was in love with Sirius though, for years, and she was the one who pointed out to him that what he was feeling was more than just friendship for me.”

Harry fidgeted in his seat. “I can’t say I’m like that.”

“Maybe not, but you’re also your own person, Harry, which is important.”

Harry sat back picking at his dirty nails. “I’m glad I’m not a chaser, you know. There was the Quidditch Cup in a trophy room. Ron spotted it first. Saw dad was Quidditch Captain and well…I’m not sure I could take having one more thing like him.”

“Well he didn’t make it onto the house team in his first year, so you’ve got that. In spite of trying to sneak brooms into Hogwarts.”

Harry laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, there’s that. I just…” He breathed out slowly, looking at Remus. “I hate that I don’t know her. I mean, I’m not _sad_ really. Which maybe that makes me a bad person, but it’s hard to miss someone you don’t know.”

“It doesn’t,” Remus said quickly. “It hurts sometimes to think of how unfair it is you didn’t get to know her. But no one expects you to…”

“Mrs Weasley does,” Harry blurted. “Or well, she thinks dad’s got some inappropriate relationship with you two and that’s why he never remarried. She thinks it’s bad for me.” When Remus looked surprised, Harry said, “I overheard her and Mr Weasley talking about it. He thinks she’s mad but…” He trailed off and shrugged.

Remus knew Molly’s standards were always very Pureblood—in spite of their stance on blood purity and being very different from people like the Blacks or the Malfoys. But she was old fashioned and he knew she never totally approved of his relationship with Sirius, or the way James seemed to defer to his friends the way he did. But it wasn’t her place.

“I think,” he answered slowly, “so long as you’re happy, that’s what matters to us.”

“Well I am,” Harry said fiercely. “I mean, it’s better now. With you two. I saw dad kiss you the other day, like…like…” Harry made a gesture in the air. “I mean three years ago he’d barely shake hands with people, now he’s so different and I realised he’s the person he should have been before Voldemort.”

Remus swallowed, hating that for ten years Harry had been raised by a very different James. A James who would have been hexed stupid by Sirius and Remus both. “Well I think we oughtn’t fret over it. How about I fix up some lunch and you can take it easy today.”

“M’not allowed to go out, am I?” Harry asked miserably.

“Not until we have more information. It’s safer that way.” Remus hated telling the boy that. At this age he and the others had been carefree on their summers. War had been brewing for years, but it hadn’t touched them yet. Not for years to come.

Harry groaned, but ambled off to his room to change out of his sooty clothes. A few moments later, Remus heard the dull thrum of the muggle punk music Sirius had bestowed upon his godson in order to torment the others living in the house. But as much as Remus wanted to be annoyed, instead he found himself comforted by knowing those he loved most were close. And safe.

*** 

In James’ office, Sirius was hunched in a chair, biting his nails ragged as James went over the last of the information. No one could confirm the validity of the information, but what they knew was that Bellatrix and Rabbastan had escaped, and they’d done so with the help of a wizard. However what little they could communicate with the Dementors, a human had come in, but had not gone out.

Sirius and James both knew what it meant.

Pettigrew. 

The Dementors wouldn’t be able to sense him as a rat, and the only evidence the Aurors could obtain was an old newspaper clipping of the Daily Prophet where some journalist reported Harry and James had returned, and Harry would be attending Hogwarts.

It was enough of a threat for the Minister to bypass Dumbledore’s authority and post Dementors at the school entrance. James was furious about it, but there was nothing he could do.

“We have three options,” James said, sitting back and pulling off his glasses. He threw them on his desk and rubbed his face. “One—keep Harry out of Hogwarts.”

“Which Dumbledore will find some way to overrule that,” Sirius pointed out.

James grimaced. “Two—come clean about Peter.”

“Something he knows we can’t do,” Sirius replied. “Because it puts us at risk. Remus isn’t registered as a werewolf and he wouldn’t be able to take custody of Harry if you and I were thrown in Azkaban which would leave Harry where? Your in-laws?”

James looked a bit green in the face. “I can’t protect him if I’m in prison.”

“And Wormtail knows it,” Sirius growled. “It means he’s always got something on us.”

James licked his lips. “Third, we go forward with our plan to get a house in Hogsmeade and we hunt him. If they’re going to attempt to get into Hogwarts—and Merlin knows with the knowledge Peter has, he can accomplish it—we can be ready.”

Sirius tried to keep his hands from shaking, but failed as he rubbed his face. “I hate this, Jamie. I sodding hate this.”

“I know.” On his feet, James came round and pulled Sirius up from the chair, putting his hands at his best friend’s waist. “Option three, yeah? For now? And if we can’t make progress on our own, we tell Dumbledore about the rat.”

Sirius nodded, letting out a slow breath. “We can’t let Harry go to Hogsmeade though. Not this year.”

James tightened his grip on Sirius as he bowed his head. “Fuck. He’s going to hate me. I mean, he already does, the obligatory hate of a thirteen year old to their parent and all but…when I tell him this…”

“He’ll have to understand. I’d rather have his pissed off and alive.”

James carefully dropped his hands and walked to his desk. With a flick of his wand, he brought out a parchment and quill. “Time to give my letter of resignation to the Ministry.”

***

With safety in numbers, James, Sirius, and Remus decided their best options would be to meet with the Weasleys in Diagon Alley before term. It would put shopping for the third year’s supplies last minute, but none of the adults in the house seemed remotely interested in letting Harry out of the flat without some sort of protection. Granted no one had seen a whisper of Bellatrix Lestrange, or Peter Pettigrew for that matter—though that one was less of a shock—but it didn’t erase the cold fear in Remus’ gut when he thought about the implications.

One of Voldemort’s most loyal followers had escaped. Not only that, but likely with the help of Pettigrew—the man who managed to confuse and betray the entire Order of the Phoenix. A man who had been deeply loved by his friends, and whilst Remus could appreciate that Peter might never have felt like he fit in with them, he couldn’t imagine that being enough of a reason to turn to the most vile, cruel wizard of all time. He couldn’t imagine it driving him to help murder Lily Potter who had always loved him very much.

Harry was well pissed off with how insular the summer had become. He lashed out a little, setting loose the Monster Book of Monsters Hagrid had sent for his birthday—Remus knew the book had arrived with Hagrid’s cryptic letter from the horrible commotion it made—and that Dumbledore during the staff meeting had announced Hagrid would be taking up the post for Care of Magical Creatures. Of course his old friend didn’t want to listen about the logic of not using one of those books—Remus himself had gone with standard fare for his classes—mostly because he was far too excited that he was offered this post to begin with.

“It’s cursed, you know,” James said to Remus the night the werewolf returned from his meeting at Hogwarts. “That post.”

Remus snorted. “I know. I don’t expect to last longer than a year.”

“So why bother?” James, who had been pouring out two glasses of scotch, handed one over. “Not that I’m not happy for you.”

“Well, one of us needs to have eyes on Harry at all times. You and Sirius will only be so effective living in Hogsmeade, not to mention Merlin only knows what you too might be sent off to do.

Dumbledore hadn’t said specifically that he would be recalling the Order, but Remus had seen the look on Molly and Arthur’s faces. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement wasn’t thrilled about losing James Potter, but no one argued when they knew Bellatrix was on the loose and Harry would be at Hogwarts.

“I just can’t believe they’ve brought in Dementors,” James said. He sank to the sofa, leaning his head against Remus’ shoulder. “I suppose this is the price I’m paying for the nine bloody years we spent in relative solitude and silence.”

Remus reached up and dragged his fingers through James’ hair carefully. “They’ll catch her. They caught her before. And she’s completely mad now, you know.”

“Which is what makes her dangerous. Mad doesn’t mean less clever.” James’ eyes darted toward the hall, down to the room where Harry was sulking, and past that to the room where Sirius was sleeping due to a draught James had brewed earlier that day. Knowing his cousin was on the loose—knowing what she had been responsible for—had taken a toll on him heavier than Remus had seen since they thought all three Potters were gone.

“I have to have faith. Otherwise what have we got?”

James blinked up at Remus from his perch on Remus’ shoulder, then grinned. “Re, I think I’d go mad without you.”

Remus pressed a kiss to James’ forehead and they finished their drinks in relative silence. “I’m taking the train. Dumbledore’s asked me to. Only problem is, the full moon is the thirty-first, which means if there’s an attack…”

“Sirius and I will follow. Broom and bike,” James said. “I don’t give a flying fuck if Dumbledore wants us to or not. We’ll stay behind, but keep the mirror on you just in case.”

Remus nodded, feeling a knot loosen in his chest knowing the pair would be close behind. “Alright.” He nuzzled in a little closer, letting out a hum when James snaked his arm round his waist. “It’ll be okay.” He repeated it like a mantra, like a prayer, because right now with no way to know what the future held, it was all they had.

*** 

“…and we saw loads of old pyramids and everything! It was brilliant.” Ron and Hermione were huddled together with Harry at the very end of the table. They’d spent nearly all day shopping for supplies, but the magic of Diagon Alley lost some of the old carefree feel to it as every wall was peppered with Have You Seen This Wizard, wanted posters. Bellatrix’s sneering face was glowering at them at every turn, and Sirius was feeling the ache in his gut.

He could remember being a child, spending holidays with her, _knowing_ her as a person. And she’d never been particularly good or kind. She’d been horrible and it had always been up to Andi to step in between Bellatrix and whomever she’d set her sights on. But she’d still been a human being. Not this monster responsible for so many deaths, for the state of two of his friends who would never recover. Never be aware enough to see how their son was growing up.

Sirius felt a hand take his under the table, and he glanced over at Remus who was smiling softly. “Come on. Let’s go up to our room. James is still chatting with Molly and Arthur, and he can keep an eye on Harry.”

Sirius nodded, making their excuses as they headed up, and the moment the door was locked, Remus pushed him to the bed and drew the duvet up over their bodies. Both knew it was going to be a long year, mostly separated, though Dumbledore agreed to let the pair have a floo connection between Sirius’ Hogsmeade quarters and Remus’ staff rooms. But Remus would be busy all day, and most of the evenings, and Sirius and James could be called out to go after Bellatrix at any time.

Eyes closing, Sirius basked in the warm hands travelling under his robes, the expert fingers undoing the buttons with a flick of the wrist. A warm mouth sucked gently at his neck, right over the pulse point, and Sirius’ eyes rolled back in his head. “Remus…”

“I love you,” Remus breathed against his skin. They were both naked now, wrapping up together, limbs holding tight. It was less than two hours before the full moon, the moon which Remus would spend curled up on the end of their bed with Sirius’ dog form. He would be sore and aching come morning, but well enough, he’d insisted, to ride the train with his godson and their friends.

“I love you, Remus. So much,” Sirius said as he arched over, letting Remus slip inside him. They moved together, like the tide, pulsing in and out as they had always meant to be. The years hadn’t been entirely kind to them, but they never lost this connection.

When it was over—too fast for Sirius’ liking, but he knew Remus was to the point of aching with the moon’s rise looming over—he held him tight. Eyes closed, fingers wandered against warm skin, and Remus tucked his face up into Sirius’ neck and basked.

“You think this year’s going to be alright?” Sirius asked, his fingers toying with a few of Remus’ curls which had formed into ringlets along his temples.

With a breath, Remus managed to crane his neck up to look at his lover. “As alright as we can make it. I know you’re not happy, love. I know James is terrified, and Harry has no idea what’s going on. But we’re going to be there. We’re going to keep them safe.”

“It just feels like,” Sirius said very slowly as he carded his fingers through Remus’ hair, “like the moment we get something good, get something back, it’s taken away again. All those times I thought I’d lost you and…what if…”

Remus quieted him with a soft kiss, nipping at his bottom lip. “No, Sirius. Every what-if scenario is possible, but if we lose ourselves in them, that’s when everything fails. So just know with the three of us together, we can protect everyone we love.”

“Alright,” Sirius breathed, and Remus held him tight round the ribs until the change came upon him.

*** 

Remus was aching bones and wounds that had just barely begun to stitch themselves together when he boarded the Hogwarts Express that morning. It was not the first time he had to climb aboard nearly shredded, but it was the first time he would be doing it without James and Sirius by his side. The memories were too fresh, and his mind was too shattered from the moon to chase away getting lost in what had been. Every time he turned a corner he swore he saw the others. James ruffling his hair, Sirius with his wry, cheeky grin, Lily’s fiery hair and wondering eyes. And even Peter with his shy smile and unassuming charm that Remus had always loved.

The ache in his gut was profound, but he’d slipped onto the train over an hour before the students began to arrive. Their old compartment was there, sat empty and stale. How many students had used it since they had? But it was too much like before. The ache in his chest and how he wished Sirius was with him.

Slipping his case onto the top rack, Remus cast a few cushioning charms against the window, bunched up Sirius’ cloak to bury himself in the smell of his lover who would be following behind, and pulled his cloak high over his head. He’d taken a few pain potions, making him drowsy and his eyes too heavy to remain open. He was slipping gently, carefully, into an aided slumber.

Vaguely Remus became aware of voices, of movement when the train pulled away from the station. Harry, he realised. And his friends. The potions were still far too strong for him to wake, but he felt his lip curve into a smile.

“Is he alright?”

“Dad said he was poorly,” Harry replied to Ron. “Oy, where’s Scabbers?”

“Put him in his cage with the other animals near the front thanks to Hermione’s beast.”

“Crookshanks is doing what cats do, Ron,” Hermione said tersely. “It’s not my fault your…”

“Listen, I need to talk to you both.” Harry leant in close to Remus. “Hey Remus? Are you awake?” Remus even attempted to answer, but his body was too far gone and he couldn’t move, couldn’t make a sound. After a moment, Harry sat back. “Ron, I overheard your parents chatting last night when I was looking for Scabbers’ tonic. They think that barmy escaped witch is coming after me.”

“What?” Hermione whispered.

“Said she’s Sirius’ cousin and had it in for me. Said they found clippings of the Daily Prophet in her cell at Azkaban that mentioned me and my dad. And something about some other bloke who escaped. Peter Pettigrew? Either of you know him?”

There was a collective pause and Remus was fighting to stay awake. “Dunno, I don’t think so,” Ron said. “Common name though, innit?”

“Yeah well…” Harry sighed. “He’s the reason my dad won’t sign my Hogsmeade form.”

There was a loud splutter. “He what? Won’t sign the form? But you’ll be the only third year who can’t bloody go!”

“You’re tell me, mate,” Harry said miserably. “He refuses to see reason.”

“What, he thinks You Know Who’s going to just jump out and try to get you?” Ron cried, indignant.

“Well it’s not as though it would be the first time,” Hermione pointed out.

“Yeah but…but I mean it’s not like anyone’s going to try anything, is it? That mad witch wouldn’t dare come after Harry with us around.”

Hermione snorted. “Oh yes, Ron. I’m sure the person closest to You Know Who wouldn’t dare come after Harry flanked by two third year Hogwarts Students. How silly of me…”

Remus was losing his battle to the pain potions, but in the back of his head it settled the knowledge that Harry was coming close to discovering Pettigrew, and what it all really meant.

*** 

The next thing Remus became aware of was pain. Not pain itself, but the memory. Being ripped apart, shredded, and Peter’s face looming with that grin because he thought he’d won. And Sirius. Sirius’ glower, the suspicion on his face when he thought Remus was the traitor. Walking out on him. Hating him…

Dementors.

It was his first clear thought, and hurtling his mind through the horrid memories and the chill, he latched on to the moment he realised James and Harry were alive. Using that, he rose to his feet and levelled his wand at the dark figure in the doorway.

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!”

The wolf burst forth from the tip, chasing the figure away, and Remus swiped his brow as the lights came back and he looked round at the other students in the compartment. Ron and Hermione were shivering, leant over Harry who had slumped over and was shaking.

“Harry,” Remus said, kneeling down. Harry was starting to come to, and he was pale as Remus had ever seen anyone. “Harry, you alright?”

“What…?”

Fishing into his pockets, Remus pulled out the chocolate he brought knowing Dementors would be nearby. There was no telling how many students would be affected this year, and he ignored the twist in his gut that the first had been Harry.

“Dementors,” Remus said softly as he eased Harry into a sitting position. “You need to eat that chocolate, alright?”

Harry took it, but was giving his friends and Remus a curious look. “What happened?”

Remus did his best to explain the situation, and when he was finished, Harry looked even whiter. “It’s normal, you know. They force you to relive your worst moments.” Just then, Remus heard the rumble of Sirius’ bike and he realised if he didn’t get out there, James and Sirius were going to burst in and destroy what fragile progress they’d made with Harry over the lack of Hogsmeade permission and his impromptu summer imprisonment. “I’ll be right back. I need to have a word with the erm…driver. Eat the chocolate, though. Go on.”

With that, he hurried out, making his way toward the door when James burst in. Remus stopped him with a firm hand, holding him. “Dementors,” he gasped.

“They boarded,” Remus said, looking over his shoulder at Sirius who was hovering on the bike just outside the door. He was holding James’ broom steady, looking worried. “I used a patronus and it’s all fine.”

“You…” James spluttered. “Are you telling me it was near you?”

“Harry was with me, but he’s alright,” Remus said when James looked like he was about to charge down the corridor. “I’ve given him chocolate and we’re about to start moving now. You both need to go. Go on ahead of us, tell Dumbledore what happened and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Just then, the train lurched and James ran his hands into his hair. “Maybe I should just…”

“James,” Remus said. “He’s alright. I promise.”

James grabbed Remus by the shoulders and squeezed. “And you?”

“Just fine. I’ve got enough chocolate to go round. Hurry though.”

James had just enough time to jump through the doors and onto his broom before the train lurched and took off once again. He saw the pair of them conversing as the Express hurried away, and then they were gone, high into the clouds and hopefully with enough time to warn the Headmaster of what was to come. He couldn’t imagine Dumbledore being too pleased about the entire thing, but as it was, there would be Dementors at Hogwarts, and Remus didn’t feel safe.

*** 

“Welcoming Feast right about now,” James muttered over his pint. He could just make out the lights from the Castle from the Broomstick’s windows, and he put his hand over his face. “They attacked Harry. The Dementors. I could see it on Remus’ face.”

Sirius reached across the table and pulled James’ hand down, twisting the fingers with his own. “He’s alright. They’re fine. Re took care of the blasted thing, and we’ll be able to see him tonight and get the whole story when he floos in.”

James softened a bit as he tugged on Sirius’ arm, pulling him just a hair closer. “Didn’t think I’d be back here so often. Never in my life thought I’d be living here.” He sipped his drink and sighed. The Broomsticks was fairly empty for this time of night, even Rosmerta suspiciously absent, though the witch behind the bar looked too much like her not to be a relative of some sort.

Sirius let out a small sigh as he drained what was left in his glass, then slammed it on the table. “Come on, let’s go get settled. I don’t want to miss Remus coming through. Dumbledore was no sodding help with that shite and if they can’t keep control of them…”

James drained his own glass before the pair left a few sickles on the table, then headed out for the night. They were able to let a small cottage with the view of the Shrieking Shack—knowing that Remus would likely be using it again this year, though with a lot less danger and a lot less pain. The place had two bedrooms, a small lounge which fed directly into the kitchen, and a little garden if any of them were keen to start one—not that it crossed their minds at all.

Whilst Remus was doing his day-to-day business at the school, hopefully doing his best to teach the students how to defend themselves if a war was indeed coming again—James and Sirius would be following every lead they could in order to catch either Bellatrix or Pettigrew before either could make a move on the thirteen year old boy.

James was still furious Dumbledore rejected his request for a post there. He tried to convince the old man he could coach Quidditch, or flying, but Dumbledore insisted only one Marauder was necessary at the Castle, and their particular talents were needed elsewhere.

“You know what’s still up there,” Sirius mused as he unlocked their door with the flick of his wand. He and James both shuddered as they passed through the wards, both from magic and the old familiarity of having to use them again. “The map.”

James’ eyebrow went up. “The Marauder’s Map. Shit, I’d forgotten!”

“Flich confiscated it. Reckon he’s still got it?”

James snorted as he collapsed on the dusty old sofa, Sirius meanwhile flicking his fingers wandless at the hearth to get a fire going. “Remember in second year, when we found that cupboard in his office filled to the brim with ancient items. Some were at least twenty years older than us. I’m sure he’s got it.”

“Not that it would do anyone any good now,” Sirius said with a shrug. He magicked the kettle on for tea, then sat in the armchair. “But maybe Remus could use it? In case he needs to keep track.”

“Mention it to him. He’s a professor now.” James froze, then laughed, his head shaking. “Merlin that felt really weird to say.”

Sirius grinned as he levitated their tea into the lounge, and gripped it tight between his hands. “It is bizarre. Our Remus the professor. Only I think I could picture it, you know? Always could.”

“Reckoned he was going to end up in that field somehow.” James sat back, blowing on the tea for a moment. “I’m worried though. That post is supposed to be cursed and the last two who had it—one ended up dead by Harry’s hand, and the second is in St Mungo’s.”

“Remus can take care of himself.”

“With Snape watching his every move?” James said darkly. “I should hope so.”

An hour later, the fire burnt bright green, and Remus stepped out of the grate. James had gone for a bath, which left Sirius to greet his lover with a firm kiss, hands clutching him tight. “You’re sleeping here aren’t you?”

Remus pulled a face. “I could. I mean, there’s not much I can do at the castle but it feels…strange.”

Sirius licked his lips, then kissed Remus again before pushing their heads together. “Tell me about the dementor.”

Remus took his hand, drawing Sirius to the sofa where they sat and he went through the whole thing, bit by bit. “…and he was almost completely knocked out. Of course after everything he’s been through, I suppose it’s normal. When you see your mother murdered…” Remus’ voice went tight and tense then, and he had to stop. “I thought he’d be too little to remember it.”

“Are you sure that’s what it was?” Sirius pressed.

Remus shrugged one shoulder. “Dunno, but I’d rather not bring it up to Jamie just yet. Harry didn’t give me any details as it is.” Rubbing his face, he let out a harsh breath. “I saw the night Peter sold me out to Greyback. And the night you…that we…” He cleared his throat. “When I thought it was over.”

“Christ,” Sirius said, taking Remus by the face and kissing him hard. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I have enough happy to combat what they can do to me. But it was hard. And I’m worried about Harry. I started to feel awful for him that he couldn’t go to Hogsmeade, but it’s not just Bellatrix he’s got to worry about. Or even Peter.”

James strolled into the lounge then, taking a seat on the other side of Remus, and he leant his head back against the cushions. “Was he alright?”

“Harry?” Remus asked, then nodded. “By the time we got to the Castle he’d had enough chocolate. Poppy saw to him, then sent him on his way. Honestly the only dramatics were from Snape who was still berating Dumbledore for hiring ‘someone like me’ to take up the post. Then he so gallantly volunteered to hold any of my classes during the moon.”

Sirius pulled a face. “There’s no way he’s going to let that…”

“Albus said yes,” Remus replied. “He’s also ordered Severus to brew the Wolfsbane.”

“What?” Sirius cried, sitting up straight. “He’s out of his sodding mind. You’re not taking anything Snivellus gives you!”

“Albus will be supervising,” Remus said quietly.

Sirius gaped at him, eyes wide and furious. “You’ve…you’ve agreed? To swallow whatever bloody poison he…” He took a breath and stopped. “He put _silver_ in your goblet, Remus. He tried to kill you.”

“And you tried to kill him,” Remus said in a flat tone. “I think we’re well beyond using old school grudges. He might not have got past it, and I’m certainly not putting Harry’s life in his hands, but it is what it is.”

“Why we’re letting that miserable old bastard still call the shots…” Sirius was up then, wandering into the kitchen for something stronger than tea. A few moments later, a hand settled at his waist, too heavy to be Remus’. Sirius turned his head and sighed. “Jamie…”

“I hate that bastard, but Remus is right. We have to let Albus run things. For now.”

Sirius felt anger rush through him, and he grabbed onto the front of James’ robes. “Why am I the only one seeing reason here?”

“Are you?” James challenged. He curled his hands round Sirius’ wrists and held them tight. “This is war. This isn’t just a threat anymore, Sirius. If Bellatrix is out, it’s for a reason and our job is to keep the four of us safe. Sometimes that’s trusting people we feel like we shouldn’t, because last time we made mistakes. Big ones.”

Sirius wanted to be angry more, but he couldn’t. Not when his mistakes led to Lily getting killed. Not when it was his fault.

“Don’t,” James whispered suddenly, holding Sirius tighter. “Sirius, don’t. I know that look and it was not your fault. I trusted Peter too.”

“But you didn’t stop trusting Remus,” Sirius said, his voice breaking slightly at the end. “You never…you hadn’t…” He looked away for fear the tears pooling in his eyes would break free. “You told me I was being an idiot.”

“And you were,” James said. He reached up with one hand to cup Sirius’ face, drawing his gaze back. “You were being a fucking twat about the whole thing, Sirius. But we were all scared and Peter wasn’t just whispering in your ear. He was whispering in mine. And Lily’s. And in the back of my head I thought he could be right. I thought—if Voldemort could promise Remus a cure—would he take it? At our expense? Peter told me that. And I was scared.”

“James,” Sirius said, his voice high and tight.

“Trust Remus. He nearly gave his life to protect us. He’s earned it.”

Sirius nodded, his eyes low, body full of misery as James let him go. “He’s doing it again, isn’t he? Putting himself in front of us—at the school, protecting Harry. Protecting us?”

“Go on. He’s put himself to bed and I think he could use the company.”

“You want to come along?” Sirius offered.

James smiled, but shook his head. “Dementors attacked my son today, Sirius. I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep.”

Pulling James in, Sirius pressed their mouths together firmly, holding him by the back of the neck. “I love you, James.”

“I love you too. So much. Now get some rest, because Merlin knows at least one of us should.”

Backing up, Sirius gave one last, lingering glance to James before disappearing to his new room. He knew it wouldn’t always contain his lover during the school year, but for now it did. The warm duvet and the body facing away from the door, curled in on itself.

Remus tensed a bit as Sirius shucked off his robes, climbing into the bed only in his pants, but he didn’t push him away. Wrapping his arm round Remus’ middle, Sirius pressed several kisses to the back of his neck.

“I’m a colossal idiot, and you’re lucky James is round to talk sense into me.”

There was a pause, then Remus snorted. “Am I?”

“He loves you more than me, you know?”

“Well I’ve earned it.”

Sirius bowed his head, pressing his forehead to one of the knobs on Remus’ spine. “You have. More than any of us, Re. And I am sorry. I just…I’m afraid.”

Remus’ long fingers wound round Sirius’ wrist, and held him tight there. “I know, love. I do. And don’t for a second think I’m not petrified. But we have to play by the rules until we know how to fight. So trust me, alright?”

Sirius kissed him again, at the nape of his neck before settling in for sleep. “I do, Moons,” he whispered, unable to top himself from the old nickname. He felt Remus’ breath hitch for a second, but he didn’t care. “More than anything in the world.”

*** 

The September moon fell on a weekend, meaning Remus had time to recover, and no one was the wiser. Snape wasn’t taking over classes, and apart from Sirius fawning all day, it was average. Harry was still well upset that he wasn’t allowed to go to Hogsmeade, especially when the first trip was announced, and when James came to see one of his Quidditch practises, Harry gave him the complete cold shoulder.

“He’ll get over it,” Remus said over tea in his office. “He holds a grudge better than you do, but eventually his thirteen year old brain will wrap round the fact we’re trying to protect him.”

James sighed. “Well at least he’s speaking to you.”

Remus snorted. “Of course he is. I put Snape in Neville’s grandmother’s dress. I’m going to be his favourite for a while.”

James’ eyes went a bit misty. “Honestly Remus, I knew you had it in you, but even after all this time you astound me.”

“Writing me love poems now, are you?” Remus snickered into his tea as James grinned. “It’ll be alright though. Harry will be distracted by Quidditch, the thrill of Hogsmeade will start to wear off eventually, and his mates can bring him sweets and rubbish from Zonko’s. And maybe,” Remus said slowly, “near the end of the year if this gets all cleared up before then, he can go. Even if it’s with one of us.”

James sighed. “You’re right. I mean he’s a teenager, he’s supposed to hate me.”

Remus smiled and shrugged. “If you’re doing it right, he is.”

*** 

On the 31st October, the day Remus, Sirius, and James all dreaded, the worst came to pass. Or it might have been, were it not for the incredible commotion when Bellatrix Lestrange attempted to break into Gryffindor tower.

Remus immediately joined in the search, the Fat Lady insisting Bellatrix had assistance in the form of another person who she hadn’t seen, but described the voice as high and squeaky. Remus didn’t need telling twice, nor did he need the suspicious look on Snape’s face when he suggested that if it were Pettigrew, maybe he was getting help.

It was a ridiculous accusation, but it was clear Severus was not over the incident with Longbottom and was doing everything in his power to make things difficult for Remus. It made him nervous, of course, as the moon was coming up in a matter of days and Snape would be holding his classes.

James and Sirius were alerted, of course, and did their own all-night patrol of Hogsmeade. They barely avoided the presence of the dementors, but even shifting into their animal forms, they turned up nothing. However she’d got in, and however she’d got out—they weren’t to know.

The castle remained on high alert, and all three men were tense as they could be, but things started to settle by the time Remus had to curl up in the shack with a shaggy dog and massive stag by his side.

The class after the moon, Remus sat down at his desk early to look at the essays the students had turned in. On the top was Harry’s, his scribble almost messier than James’ was, and by the language in it, he’d copied a lot from Hermione. Remus was tempted to mark off points, only he was distracted as the essay Snape had set—which was far off the lessons he’d left for Snape to go over—was on how to recognise and kill a werewolf.

He tried not to let it bother him. He knew what Snape was getting at, but knowing the words in the essay belonged to Harry didn’t sit well with him, and he was dragging by the time he stepped through the grate into their little cottage.

Sirius was there, sorting out tea, and smiled at Remus until he noticed his lover’s expression. “What? What happened?”

Remus waved him off as he sank down into a chair, taking tea from James who was just pouring the mugs. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re a good liar, Re, but not that good,” James insisted. “Spill.”

Remus looked at them both, then explained his day. “He’s trying to evoke a reaction from me, that much is obvious. But part of me wonders if we’ve made a mistake, not telling Harry about…me.” 

“That greasy, snivelling bastard,” Sirius bit, his hands clenching into fists. “I’ll kill him. I’m going to…”

“Do nothing,” Remus finished for him. “I’m not proud to be what I am, but Harry didn’t grow up understanding Dark Creatures and the last thing we need him thinking is…”

“Things that his wizarding friends probably already do?” James offered. “Things that even I thought at first.”

“You weren’t like that,” Remus said, frowning at him.

“We were both a bit,” Sirius admitted. “At first, anyway. Before we told you. If we hadn’t got to know you first, if we’d learnt long before Remus pants-folding Lupin became our best mate, who knows what it would have been like.”

Remus smiled just a little, rubbing his face. “So do we tell him?”

James nodded. “We should. Maybe not straight away. Maybe we get all of this sorted first, but I’ll not have my son writing essays on how to kill his second godfather.”

Remus’ cheeks pinked a bit. “He copied most of it from Hermione anyway.”

James rolled his eyes. “Yes well, I’ll pretend I don’t know that, shall I? Sirius and I have a mission tomorrow in London, and we won’t be back for Quidditch. You’ll be there though, won’t you?”

“I absolutely will. How long will you be gone?”

Sirius pulled a face. “I don’t know. Dumbledore’s ordered a search of Black residences, including Grimmauld place. Technically it’s mine so…” He looked at his feet and heaved a sigh.

Remus got up and quickly took Sirius into his arms. “You don’t have to go back there, you know. You can tell him no.”

Sirius pressed his face into Remus’ neck and stayed there for a short while. “I know. But the sooner we can find her, the sooner this will all be over. Dumbledore seems to think my parent’s horrid old House Elf is still there.”

“Merlin,” Remus breathed. “Well, alright but…stay safe. Promise me.”

Sirius lifted his face long enough to kiss Remus soundly. “I promise.”

*** 

The first Quidditch match of the season was a disaster, and Remus had known it was going to be before it happened. The weather was a complete disaster and the Malfoy boy was milking his injury from Hagrid’s Hippogriff so the teams were rescheduled and Gryffindor was playing Hufflepuff.

Sat in the stands, frozen to his core, Remus watched with bated breath. He had his hand on his mirror in his pocket just in case, as Gryffindor attempted to fly through the terrible conditions and win. They were ahead for most of the game as well, and then it happened.

No one suspected it, of course. No one expected them to come into the stands. It had been forbidden. But they were dementors, after all, and it was through clever spellwork with Remus’ quick thinking and Dumbledore’s power that kept Harry from hitting the ground at full speed.

The broom was swept into the wind, but Remus’ eyes were on Harry alone as they conjured a stretcher and brought him straight to hospital. He had nine broken bones, and his core temperature was at a dangerous low, but with Poppy’s quick attention, Harry made it through with barely a scratch.

Remus let his friends have a few words with him before he went in. He still hadn’t told James and Sirius, first wanting to make sure the teen was alright, but he didn’t want to break it to the boy who loved brooms almost as much as James had that his had been destroyed. It could be replaced, of course, but he wondered if James would let him after hearing what happened on the pitch.

“Alright there, Haz?”

Harry looked up from his mug of cocoa and smiled. “Not here to lecture me, are you? Because it honestly was not my fault, this one.”

“Of course not.” Remus pulled out a chair and gave Harry a careful look. “How are you?”

“Well, better than I could have been, I reckon. Ron told me you and Dumbledore slowed my fall.”

“Mm, we did.” Remus tried not to think what might have happened if either of them had been slower to react. “I’m sorry about your broom.”

Harry looked shattered, and he glanced down. “Well…reckon I can get another. At some point. Doubt dad would let me get the Firebolt but…” He stopped. “Have you told him what happened?”

Remus shook his head, reaching into his pocket to fiddle with the mirror. “I will. I don’t have a choice, you know.”

Harry sighed. “I know. Only he’s going to get worse if you do. You know how he is.”

Remus licked his lips, then leant forward to give Harry’s knee a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll talk sense into him. You won’t lose Quidditch.”

Thumbing the rim of his mug, Harry looked up through his messy fringe. “Remus? Why erm…why do the dementors affect me worse than everyone else? Why like…like that?”

Remus pulled a face, feeling his heart clench. “You’ve seen things no person rightfully should. The death of a parent alone is…”

“I hear her.”

Remus froze, blinking. “Sorry?”

“When the dementors come near me, I hear Voldemort murdering my mum.”

Remus could never have prepared himself to hear those words. Never in his thirty-some-odd years could he have worked out a way to react to one of the people he loved most in the world saying that. His entire body went stiff, frozen, and his throat tight. He blinked, begging himself not to cry because the last thing Harry needed was that.

“I…”

“I hear her begging. Screaming. And him telling her to stand aside. She’s telling him to take her instead of me.”

“Harry,” Remus whispered, his voice broken. 

“I want it to stop,” Harry said. His tone was stony, almost furious. “I need to know that spell you did on the train that made the dementors go away.”

“That’s…” Remus tried to gather his thoughts. “It’s very advanced magic, Harry. Complicated for even the most experienced wizard.”

“I don’t care,” Harry said fiercely. “Please, Remus. Please. I can’t listen to that anymore.”

Remus was unable to stop himself from grabbing Harry’s knee, which was a far cry from what he wanted to do, but he didn’t think a thirteen year old would appreciate being wrapped in an embrace, or being cried on. “Alright. Let me see where I can work in the time, and it won’t be easy but…I’ll teach you.”

Harry visibly relaxed, setting down his cocoa and settled into his pillows. “Just go easy when you tell dad, alright? And maybe leave out that bit about…about Voldemort. For now?”

“Yes,” Remus said carefully. “I think I will.”

*** 

Sirius and James immediately abandoned their search to return to Hogwarts in order to check on Harry. As predicted, James immediately balked at Harry playing any more Quidditch until Minerva herself stepped in telling James under no uncertain circumstances was he removing their star player and best Seeker in ages from the team.

“Albus is handling it,” she said crossly as James and Sirius stood outside of the hospital wing. “The dementors won’t be coming onto the school grounds after this.”

Sirius scoffed at that, rolling his eyes. “They weren’t supposed to be there in the first damned place. And does anyone else find it bizarre they went after Harry and no one else?”

Minerva couldn’t argue, and Sirius felt his stomach sink somewhere near his knees. “We’re doing our best.”

“And if your best gets my son killed…” James stopped, his face drawn and pained. “Minerva, I’ve lost my wife. I’ve been isolated for nine sodding years because of Albus. I’m not taking any more risks because of him.”

“And what do you think it’ll teach Harry?” she challenged. “There’s going to come a point he’ll have to fight his own battles. If you recall, the pair of you were barely teens when you were thrown headlong into this war—and before you say a word about being too young, he might not have a choice. None of us did last time.”

Sirius scrubbed his face with the heel of his palm. “We’ll sort out the broom. And…just bloody do better next time.”

She gave them a curt nod before turning on her heel and walking away. The moment she was out of earshot, James sagged and Sirius caught him, shoving him against a tapestry. “James, it’s alright.”

“Is it?” he asked, his voice tense and strained. “Is it alright? Harry seems to think this is par for the course now that he’s been attacked and nearly murdered each year he’s been here. This is not magic, Sirius. This is not…it’s not bloody well normal.”

“No,” Sirius said quietly, “but when has anything in his life ever been? We still don’t know what really saved him, how the spell backfired. How Lily’s death managed to do…what it did. We can protect him, but he’s got to learn on his own.”

“If you’re talking about learning duelling…”

“I am. Defensive and offensive spells, James. We knew them.”

“We knew them because we were sodding prats hexing people in corridors and getting into rows with Slytherins.”

Sirius raised a challenging brow. “Slytherins who turned out to be Death Eaters. Slytherins who attempted to kill Remus with silver.” He gripped James’ shoulder harder. “Harry may be facing those same people in the near future, and he needs to be ready for that.”

James gave Sirius a withering look, but there was defeat in his eyes. “We were supposed to win the war for him, Sirius.” His voice was small, too quiet, and it made Sirius ache behind his ribs. “That was why we fought, why Lily…why Lily died.”

Cupping James’ cheek, he pressed their foreheads together. “None of that will have been in vain, Jamie. Alright? None of it. But we can’t let him continue unprepared.”

James closed his eyes hard and let Sirius hold him for several moments. “I know,” he said eventually. “I hate it but…I know.”

*** 

Eventually, Harry forgave his father at least a little about Hogsmeade, though he was still irritated when James let him know that he would still not be allowed to roam freely during the holidays and they would, in fact, be returning to Muggle London.

It was still early December though, and so far apart from the terrifying break-in to the castle, there hadn’t been a whisper of Death Eater activity. Even Remus had started to relax a bit, though he continued to delay Harry’s extra lessons for the time being.

“After the new year, I promise,” Remus said, and though Harry wasn’t thrilled about it, he knew he wouldn’t have to play another Quidditch match before then, so he could wait. He seemed distracted anyway, and eventually he confessed to Remus Ron and Hermione had been rowing over every little thing.

“It’s getting exhausting. I’m with Ron on most of it, of course. Her stupid cat keeps going after Scabbers, and she’s been really pestering me about taking care. Even though I haven’t done a single, reckless thing this year.” Harry squeezed his tea, his eyes flickering over to the Grindylow in the corner of the office. “I hate this, Remus.”

Remus’ eyes softened. “I know, Haz. I do. If I could make it easier on you, I would.”

“It’s only…d’you really think any of it’s going to change? After the Lestranges are caught? Won’t there just be one more thing for dad to go barmy over?”

“There always will be. You have to understand, what happened to you isn’t like other kids, Harry. It’s not him being over-protective. Your mother died to save your life, and he blames himself for not being able to protect her. Most of us blame ourselves…”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Harry said quietly. “I mean, the only one to blame is Voldemort. And if dad hadn’t…gone to do whatever it was he had done, he’d be gone too. And then where would I have been? Orphaned?”

Remus winced and wondered for a moment how this thirteen year old boy had got so wise. James had been silly and reckless at his age. The thought of what advice thirteen year old James would have given Harry made him shudder, in fact. “Best not to think on it, you know. We’re all here now and eventually it’ll all be over.”

Harry’s eyes were dark when he said, “Yeah. One way or the other, right?”

*** 

James and Sirius went on one last errand for Dumbledore, leaving Remus to mind Harry’s safety just before the hols. The last Hogsmeade trip was dreary, the roads slush and mud, and no one seemed particularly thrilled. Remus had gone searching for Harry, but couldn’t find him and reckoned he was sulking somewhere off on his own.

In fact, it wasn’t until late evening when Harry burst into Lupin’s office, his face white and hands shaking. Remus rose half-way from his desk, but Harry’s look of confusion and fury hit him hard. “Close the door,” he ordered the teen. “And sit.” With a flick of his wand, he started tea as Harry went to the chair and sank down.

“Tell me about Peter Pettigrew.”

It was like being punched in the gut, the way the words hit him, and Remus wanted to hex whoever had let it slip. “Who told you?”

“I overheard a conversation. It’s not important who. I want to know about him.”

Rubbing a hand down his face, Remus mentally cursed James and Sirius being gone. This was not his conversation to have, not his story to tell, really. “He was a friend of ours from school.”

“Best friend?”

“Close,” Remus said. “Not as close as your dad, Sirius, and I were, but he was important to us.”

Harry nodded, then accepted the tea with shaking hands as Remus levitated it over. “Go on.”

Remus looked him in the eyes for a long moment, deciding he could do his absolute best to tell him the truth. “Peter was never really one of us, we let him down that way. Never included him the way we should have. He wasn’t as clever as Sirius and your dad were, or as good looking. They patronised him a little, and he knew it. Peter and I had a conversation—one that should have left me thinking more but I…I reckoned it wasn’t important.”

Harry nodded tersely, not sipping the tea, his gaze cold. “How did he become secret keeper if he wasn’t one of you three?”

Remus felt his stomach ache with a fierceness he hadn’t felt since Sirius looked at him with suspicion in his eyes. “They were dark times, Harry. The war. Everyone was terrified, people were dying. Every day we had news of murders and attacks. There was a spy in the Order, but not even Dumbledore could work it out. Each of us were given our orders and mine in specific were…they were to be kept from your mum and dad, and from Sirius. We didn’t know about Peter, didn’t know what he was getting up to.”

“That he was with Voldemort?” Harry asked sharply.

Remus winced, but nodded. “He was whispering in everyone’s ear, turning them against one another, making everyone uneasy. I was an easy target for too many reasons,” Remus went on, still not able to tell Harry the whole truth about himself. “Sirius was terrified and he…” Remus took a shaking breath. “We split up, he left and I was alone. I didn’t know this until later, of course. I thought Sirius was going to be the Secret Keeper for your mum and dad. Everyone believed it. Only Sirius knew someone would come after him, so he convinced your mum and dad to switch.”

“To Peter.”

Remus nodded. “Your mum and dad asked for me, but Sirius thought I was the spy and told them no one would suspect Peter. He was too soft, he was never as close to James and Lily, so it would throw everyone off. Only it’s exactly what Peter wanted.”

“And he sold them out? He sold them to Voldemort.”

Remus felt his eyes grow hot and wet, and he nodded, his throat too tight to speak for a few moments. Clearing his throat, he took a sip of tea before going on. “He sold me out first. I barely escaped alive, and managed to get to Sirius before Voldemort could reach Godric’s Hollow. Sirius wasn’t fast enough to save your mum, and because Peter escaped, Sirius was arrested. It took me weeks to get him out of Azkaban.”

Harry’s expression was still stony, and he rubbed a hand down his face. “Why hasn’t anyone caught him yet?”

“He’s more clever than people gave him credit for,” Remus said quietly. “Some people think he’s dead already, but don’t think we haven’t been looking.”

Harry blinked for several moments before answering. “Do you think he’s dead?”

“No.”

Harry flinched a little, then set his untouched tea down on the desk and rose. “If I ever see him…I’m going to kill him. He killed my mum.”

Remus tried to call after Harry, but he was out the door and Remus knew it was best to let the boy work it out on his own. It hurt, and he knew it would be a dreadful holiday but Harry was going to learn the truth sooner or later. Remus could only hope when everything came out—when Harry learnt what he was—and learnt why Peter had the means to escape, he wouldn’t hate them all forever.

*** 

James was, of course, furious when he learnt someone had spilt the story of Peter where Harry could hear it. He did his best to smooth it out for his son, and the holidays weren’t as bad as they could have been, though the London flat was chilly—and not from the horrible weather.

Still, as the days crept by, Harry began to soften toward them again, and by New Years the four of them were curled by the fire watching the count-down on the telly. Remus was curled into Sirius’ side, both of them holding a glass of firewhiskey whilst James and Harry played a game of exploding snap.

When the countdown ended, Sirius pinched Remus’ chin and turned his head up for a kiss. “I love you,” he whispered. “Happy New Year.”

Remus nuzzled his nose against Sirius’ for a moment. “I love you too.”

Harry rolled his eyes, but grinned at the pair and eventually decided he was ready to turn in for the night. He gave hugs all round, and when his door shut, Sirius pulled James in for a firm kiss. “You as well, Jamie. Love you.”

James leant over to press a kiss to Remus’ mouth, then cuddled with them on the sofa as the snow fell and the hours crept into the first of the new year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: PoA part 2
> 
> Er also I've had a few people ask me if this story is going to turn into a poly fic (James/Sirius/Remus. I hadn't intended on it, but I'm not opposed to it as I've done several poly fics. Would anyone prefer that? Or shall I leave James as is? Or pair him with someone else? Thoughts?)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second half of the PoA chapter. I went back to edit the bit about the firebolt when I decided to go in this direction. Big surprise at the end. Or something. I borrowed this idea off a Tumblr post. Which I'll post at the end in notes so as not to give any spoilers away. Sorry about any plot holes and implausible content--just go with it, I guess. LOL. This entire chapter is in Remus' POV so the ending doesn't have a lot of detail. You can assume it went vaguely like the book did, with some subtle character changes, obvs.

Remus poured out two cups of tea in his office the evening they returned to Hogwarts. Sirius was sat in his office with him, idly stroking Hermione’s massive, ginger cat—which had taken a liking to the animagus—and he was absently staring at the Grindylow in the tank. It had been a long day, Harry irritated that he wasn’t allowed to take the train back with his friends, and he had paced the cottage most of the day.

When the train arrived with the students, Harry went up to Gryffindor tower to wait for his friends, and it gave Sirius and Remus some reprieve from his sullen attitude which wasn’t better after James had gone with Arthur to investigate a vault in Gringotts. 

Just as Remus poured milk into both cups, there was a noise in the corridor. The sound of trainers hitting the stone floors, and the muffled shouts of teens headings straight for the office. The door banged open after a second, and Harry skid to a halt, his hand clutching what looked like a very expensive broom, and Ron peering over his shoulder looking vaguely apologetic.

“Did Dad do this?” Harry demanded, waving the broom as he stumbled in. Ron followed, and behind them Hermione who looked curious and maybe a little concerned.

Sirius shifted when Crookshanks jumped off to greet his owner, and he quirked an eyebrow at Harry. “Do what? What is that?”

“It’s a Firebolt,” Ron breathed, his hand going out to touch the broom, but stopped after a minute.

“Or was it you two?” Harry filled in. “I mean…blimey I never thought he’d…I’ve been a right arse about everything so…”

Remus held up his hand, frowning in confusion. “What are you talking about, Harry?”

“The broom,” Harry said, shaking it at Remus once more. 

“I’m not following.”

Sirius, however, had taken on an expression of vague concern as he rose from his chair. “Where did you find it?”

“On my bed,” Harry said, his tone suggesting that was a rather stupid question. “Wrapped up in a box, like a gift. Just a scribbled note that said For Harry.”

Remus felt cold panic break out, and he looked at Sirius. “There’s no way…”

“I told him his dad would have mentioned if he was getting a Firebolt,” Hermione pointed out.

Ron and Harry both turned to scowl at her. “Well we didn’t ask you, did we?” Ron bit.

“That’s quite enough,” Remus said, walking round the desk. “Harry, would you let me see it for a moment?”

Harry’s grip didn’t ease up on the handle. “But…maybe he did get it for me and didn’t tell you? He’s off right now, so we can ask him when he gets back and meanwhile I can…”

Sirius was reaching into his pocket, and Remus saw him go for the mirror. Giving it a tap, he waited until James’ face appeared. “Oy Jamie, did you get Harry a Firebolt for Christmas.”

James scowled. “Don’t you think he might have noticed a ruddy broom-sized gift on Christmas day? And you honestly think I’d empty my vault for a broom?”

“Twenty years ago, maybe,” Sirius muttered. “Alright I just wanted to…to ask.”

“And don’t you go spending Galleons on…” James began.

“No worries, mate. Just…see you when you get back.” Sirius tapped the mirror again, then looked at Harry. “You can’t keep it.”

Harry’s eyes went wide. “ _What_?”

“Harry, there could be…any number of dark spells on that thing. We don’t know where it came from, and you now damn well…”

“About Peter Pettigrew?” Harry spat. “About Bellatrix Lestrange—your cousin. Yeah, I do. Thanks for that, by the way. Making friends with murderers and being related to Voldemort’s top supporter.”

His tone was vicious, and Sirius winced—obviously having not been the target of Harry’s venom before.

Remus sighed, taking a step forward. “Harry, I’m going to ask you to talk to your godfather with a little respect. Now, leave the broom here and we’ll inspect it. If we can’t uncover any dark magic and if we can recover the source of the gift, you can have it back. Meanwhile are you really willing to take that sort of risk?”

Harry’s face screwed up, then he gave Sirius a vaguely apologetic look and let the broom clatter to the floor. “Sorry, Sirius,” he muttered.

Sirius waved the apology off, but when he sat, Crookshanks was immediately back on his lap, giving Harry a dark look. “You ought to get back to your dormitory. It’s getting late.”

The trio sighed, turning round, and as the door shut, Remus heard Ron chastise Hermione, “I told you Harry shouldn’t have brought it to them! Next you’ll be wanting him to—”

The door slammed shut, and Remus sighed, wondering if he should find out what else Harry should be telling them. But knowing he was James Potter’s son, it could have been any number of things, and Remus didn’t have the strength to deal with it right then.

Sitting back down at his desk, Remus looked at Sirius who was stroking the cat and giving his lover a somewhat amused grin. “And you wanted us to have one of those.”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. “One of what?”

“Children. Which eventually become teenagers.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “No worse than we were, love. And he’s got a lot on his plate right now. More than most would ever have to deal with.”

“Except maybe a couple of eighteen year olds being thrown head-first into a losing war?” Sirius offered.

Remus let out a tiny sigh and picked up his cup. “Yes well…if we’re lucky, we can head that off before it happens again.” He sipped his tea for a moment, then cast a charm to reheat the tepid liquid. “Drink your tea. Then we’ll take the broom to Minerva and see if they can sort it out.”

Sirius eyed the boom now laying on the floor, and shook his head, giving the cat another scratch along his cheeks and chin. “I just can’t think of who’d send him something so…dear. I mean, I saw the cost.”

“Well if we’re lucky, we’ll find out soon enough.” Remus gave Sirius a bemused look, then cocked his head to the side. “You know, Snuffles, never picked you as a cat person.”

Sirius looked down at Crookshanks and laughed a little. “Yes well, he’s a special sort, aren’t you? Clever as any cat I’ve ever seen, and sweet. James reckons he’s part Kneazle.” He picked Crookshanks up and stared into his flat face. “I think I could see it. Anyway at least he can keep an eye out for filthy rats.”

Remus sighed, then set his cup down and rose. “Come on. Let’s get this sorted before James comes home and goes spare over yet one more thing posing a threat to his boy.”

Sirius set the cat down, then walked over to pick up the broom. “You know, I thought we might get one good year out of this. We had a few ourselves, before it went all barmy.”

Remus reached up, cupping Sirius cheek, then pulled him in for a kiss. “I know love. But the most we can do is this.”

*** 

McGonagall and Dumbledore were both concerned about the broom. No one had noticed its arrival, and there was no way to trace when it had arrived. Dumbledore attempted to contact the maker, to find out who placed the order, but so far there was no response.

When James arrived back, he was beside himself, but grateful his friends had handled the situation and it was no longer in Harry’s possession. 

“He can order a proper broom,” James said, sitting down to a bowl of soup as Remus fixed himself tea. Sirius was out patrolling the grounds in the form of his dog, attempting to sniff out a rat, or potential Death Eater threat. He and James decided they would be more efficient in their animagus forms, saving them from any potential Dementor attacks if they wandered too close to the Azkaban guards.

“Well he’s not thrilled about it. He and Ron seem to be rowing with poor Hermione over the whole thing,” Remus said. “In class today they didn’t speak to her at all. There’s also something…strange happening with her, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

James looked up sharply. “What do you mean strange?”

“Nothing untoward. I don’t think,” Remus said. “Just that…” He stopped, then sighed. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I think my nerves are getting the better of me, and I’ve agreed to help Harry work on his patronus.”

James gave Remus a careful look. “With a boggart?”

“I’m not daft enough to put your son—someone I love most in this world—in front of an actual Dementor, Jamie,” Remus said mildly.

James’ shoulders sank. “I know. I’m sorry, Re. This whole thing is just…”

“I know.” Remus scrubbed his face. “At any rate, I’ve agreed to work with him on Thursdays since it’s my lightest day. He’s definitely your son, so I don’t anticipate it taking a long time.” When James gave him a withering look, Remus rolled his eyes. “You and Sirius managed to become Animagi by fifteen years old. Trust me, it’s in his blood.”

James grunted into his soup, then pushed the bowl away when he was finished. “Meanwhile the man responsible for the murder of my wife, and one of the maddest witches to ever exist are out there on the run. And possibly right under our noses. A patronus isn’t going to save them from the broadside of a curse.”

“No,” Remus said slowly. “But we can.”

James scrubbed his face, then got up, putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder as he walked by the werewolf’s chair. “I’m on edge. I’m sorry. I just want to make some progress and it feels like we’re running against the current.”

“Because we are.” Remus got up, pulling James close and grabbing him by the shoulders. “But have faith.”

“Because it’s all we’ve got?” James asked with a bitter laugh.

“Because we know what we have to fight for,” Remus clarified. He drew James in, giving him a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Go have a bath and a lie down. You’re shattered, and Sirius isn’t going to be much better when he gets in. I’m going to do my final rounds at the school, and I’ll be back tonight.”

James grabbed Remus, burying his face in his friend’s neck, and held him tight in a fierce hug. “I love you, Remus.”

“I love you too, James,” Remus said with a small chuckle. “It’s going to be alright.”

Eventually James let go, stumbling a little as he made his way back to the bath, and Remus headed for the fireplace. He had a lot to prepare if he was going to be teaching Harry how to protect himself, and he knew none of the coming weeks were going to be easy.”

*** 

January was naught full of anything more than laying low and patronus lessons—which went about as well as Remus expected they would. Harry was in a foul mood, practising on the school brooms rather than the Firebolt he desperately wanted back, but he did make progress as his next Quidditch match approached.

He was close to creating something corporeal, which Remus rewarded him with chocolate for, and even Sirius and James were over the moon about it. Remus was taking up more patrols around the school as Sirius and James combed the forest, and so far there wasn’t a hint of Bellatrix or Peter to be found.

The afternoon before Harry’s first Patronus lesson in January, Remus popped over to the Three Broomsticks where Sirius and James were having lunch. They brightened at Remus’ unexpected presence, and Sirius pulled him in to a long kiss.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m buying Harry some Butterbeer,” Remus said, stealing a few chips from Sirius’ plate. “He’s making a lot of progress and I wanted to reward him since he won’t have had the chance to try it before now.”

James smiled. “Spoilt kid.”

“You were worse,” Sirius said with a wave of his hand.

Remus laughed, kissing Sirius again before heading up to order two of the bottles from Rosemerta. Pocketing them in his robes, he sat back down and took Sirius’ hand. “This Friday will be Harry’s first match since losing his broom. You talk him into another yet?”

James’ face fell. “That boy still thinks he’s got hope for the Firebolt.”

Remus licked his lips. “Yes well…Minerva seems to think it might be an actual gift. Possibly from an admirer who heard about the Dementor incident. There are actual, decent people out there.”

James pulled a face. “Tell them to keep looking.”

Sirius made a derisive snort. “You don’t think Albus is going to let Harry have it unless he’s absolutely certain it’s safe, do you? He might be barmy but…”

“They can take more time with it. They should let me have a go before saying it’s safe,” James cut in.

“I’m sure they will,” Remus replied with a shrug. “Go ask him this weekend. Think about it—if you can be the one to declare the broom safe and give it back to Harry, he might forgive you for literally anything else in the future.”

James brightened at that. “Would be nice to have the kid who loves me back, you know.”

Remus shook his head with a fond grin. “He does love you. He’s just thirteen.” Pushing up from the table, he leant down to kiss Sirius one last time. “Don’t wait up for me tonight. I told Albus I’d patrol the corridors after hours.”

Sirius grumbled, but put his hand on Remus’ face to hold him there for a deeper kiss. “This is rubbish. I’m too used to having you whenever I want you.”

Remus laughed. “Yes well, a few more months of patience will pay off. I’m sure of it. See you two later.”

With that, he headed back to the castle for the rest of his lessons.

*** 

It was late into the evening, thirty minutes before Harry was supposed to meet him, and Remus decided to slip into the library to grab a book on the patronus charm for Harry to read over. He nodded at Madame Pince, then slipped into the stacks to find what he was looking for.

As he rounded the corner, he heard hushed voices and one of them was Harry’s. “…too worried about it. I’ve been working on a sort of defence.”

“Yes, but do you think it’ll make a difference. I’m still furious about the way Dumbledore let the match be called.”

“Listen, Diggory,” Harry said, which startled Remus a bit as he’d never seen Harry be friendly with the Hufflepuff seeker before, “you and I both know it wasn’t your fault. And you caught the snitch fairly.”

“You’ve never missed a snitch, Potter. And I don’t want the one time I beat you to be because those…those things were trying to…to…suck out your soul.”

“My soul?” Harry asked, his voice pained.

“Dementor’s Kiss. You know that’s what they’re going to do to that escaped witch if they find her. It’s…” Diggory went quiet. “I guess I’m glad you’re alright. And I’d love a rematch. A proper one.”

Harry’s laugh was light, and different than Remus had ever heard it. But so familiar in a way he recognised because at thirteen he had that laugh once, whenever Sirius was nearby. Oh. Hell.

“Fair enough. Just need to make sure we flatten Slytherin Friday, yeah.”

“Yeah,” Diggory said quietly. “Anyway if you need help or anything…”

“I’ll be alright. Lupin’s helping me.”

“He’s pretty great, don’t you think. Bloody brilliant compared to the last.”

Harry laughed. “Yeah. He is.”

Remus was pink in the face and at this point decided to turn and hurry out lest he be discovered. If Harry really did fancy Diggory, far be it from him to say a word until Harry came out with it. And then he’d just do his best to let Harry know he had any support he could ever want from the three parents who wouldn’t let him suffer, so long as they could help it.

*** 

Lupin handed over the butterbeer, and Harry took it with a small grin. “You won’t have had this before, but I thought you deserved a little treat,” he said.

Harry grinned. “Oh I know about it! Butterbeer!” His face went a bit pink and he cleared his throat. “Ron was telling me about it. Thanks, Remus.”

Elbowing Harry, he nodded for him to crack the bottle and have a drink. Swallowing down his own, he grinned. “I haven’t actually had one since your dad, Sirius, and I were students.”

Harry sipped on his another moment. “What was it like? When you were students here? What were my parents like?”

Remus laughed a bit. “It was terrifyingly similar in some ways. The potions professor was nicer—Head of Slytherin back in the day, not as eager to take points off other houses. Professor McGonagall hasn’t changed at all.”

“Ron reckons she was born exactly as she is right now.”

Remus laughed again. “I could see it.” Rubbing his face, he looked down at his butterbeer. “It was nice. There was a war on, but we didn’t know it straight away. We were all…just friends, I suppose. Discovering where we fit into each other’s lives.”

“Even Peter Pettigrew.”

Remus paled, but knew he owed Harry some explanation. “Yes, even Peter. He was someone we trusted without question. Our mistake. We made several.”

“Did your siblings go here?” Harry asked, skirting Remus’ answer entirely.

Blinking, Remus cleared his throat. “Ah no. I was an only child like your dad. Sirius had one brother but…” He trailed off. No one ever spoke of Regulus. Not even after all this time. The look Sirius got on his face was too much for anyone to bear, really. 

“I didn’t know he had a brother.”

“Regulus,” Remus said softly. “He died in the war. He…well he made some bad decisions.”

Harry raised his brows. “How bad?”

“Bad,” Remus said. “He became a Death Eater shortly before we left school.” Harry sucked in his breath, but Remus went on. “He regretted it, in the end. But no one could have helped him. One of the many bodies we were never able to recover.”

Harry lowered his gaze. “But you three…you never? And no one suspected Peter?”

“We didn’t. But it was a terrible time, Harry. No one trusted anyone, and so many of our friends were dying or disappearing.”

“You said before you and Sirius didn’t trust each other. Why?”

“He thought I might be the spy,” Remus said. “And unfortunately Peter used that to his advantage. It put the focus elsewhere. When your mum and dad needed a secret keeper, Sirius thought no one would suspect Peter.”

“How long before Voldemort showed up to kill my mum?”

“Less than a week.”

Harry sucked in his breath, then drained the rest of his bottle. “Well…it won’t happen again.”

“No,” Remus said fiercely. “We won’t let it.”

Harry smiled up at Remus and set his butterbeer aside. “So you reckon I’m doing alright? You think I could actually conjure one if I need to?”

Remus smiled and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Yeah, Haz. I really do.” Maybe he didn’t fully believe that yet, but he knew Harry wasn’t far behind James. All he had to do was put his mind to it.

Harry tried a few more times, and just as Remus was declaring it enough for the evening, there was a knock on the classroom door. It opened a crack, and both Remus and Harry were surprised to see the messy head of James Potter.

“Alright there you two?”

Harry looked mortified. “Oh my god, Dad. What are you doing here? It’s bad enough my friends see you in _Hogsmeade_ …”

“Well I’ve come…” James breathed, then stepped in fully and in his hands was the Firebolt. “Minerva asked me over, to give the broom a final inspection—and though we still can’t sort out where it came from, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with it. So…it’s all yours.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Are you sh—I mean…you joking? You having me on, dad, because if you are it’s _not_ funny.”

James chanced a small smile as he held it out. “Mind, I’m not entirely comfortable with this, but you’ve got the match coming up and you really do need to flatten Slytherin. I want to be able to hold my head high when Snape walks by me.”

Harry let out a loud whoop, and though both men thought he’d go right for the broom, instead he threw his arms round his dad and hugged him tight. “I can really keep it?” he murmured.

James returned the hug, his eyes just a little misty. “Yeah, kid. You can really keep it. So long as you swear to me if anything seems off…even the tiniest thing…”

“I swear,” Harry breathed, taking the broom reverently from his dad’s fingers. “I…I can’t believe it’s mine.”

Remus was grinning, and came over to ruffle Harry’s messy locks. “Alright, to bed with you. We went on a bit long tonight and you need your rest for practise.”

Harry gave them each one more, over-tight hug before hurtling himself down the corridor, and James watched as he went.

“He’s definitely my son.”

Remus laughed. “That he is. And not just because he’s broom-mad you know. He almost produced a fully corporeal patronus in front of a boggart. I think he’s going to get it. Soon.”

James ruffled his hair, then stepped closer to Remus. “I wish Lily was here to see this. I keep thinking, she’d know what to do, you know? When he hates me. When he wants something and I just can’t tell if I ought to let him. She’d know.”

Remus reached out and pulled James closer. “I know, Jamie. I do. But you’re doing an amazing job. You brought up a really good kid. Really good. And I doubt half the teachers can even believe it.”

James chuckled in spite of his sombre mood. “Yeah well, things change, don’t they?”

Remus sighed and put his arm through James’ as they headed for Remus’ office floo. “Not as much as you think, Prongs.”

James startled at the old name, but elbowed Remus anyway. “Is that right, Moony? Well I suppose we’ll see. In the end.”

*** 

The match with Slytherin was a good one. The day was clear and cool, and the breeze favoured the students on their brooms. Not a Dementor in sight, James, Sirius, and Remus were more relaxed than ever. Harry looked like he belonged riding the wind currents, gliding round the pitch as his teammates scored goal after goal.

Remus glanced over at the stands, and he could make out one teen in particular, cheering on Gryffindor awfully hard. Cedric Diggory. Remus liked him well enough—very studious and very good at Defence magic. And Remus did not miss the way Cedric’s eyes didn’t leave Harry as the firebolt whipped round.

“Look, the seeker’s tailing him,” James hissed, elbowing Sirius who knocked a bit into Remus. “She’s not even searching herself.”

Sirius muttered a curse under his breath, but both of them were fixated on the game.

It was a few moments more when it happened. A cloaked figure on the pitch. Remus barely had time to register what it was before Harry’s wand was drawn. He was shouting a spell, and a massive Stag, nearly identical to James’ animagus, burst forth and attacked.

Remus was instantly on his feet, rushing from the stands to the fallen figure. There was an eruption from the crowd, and Remus knew the snitch must have been caught, but it was more important to see what was happening.

Turned out to be Malfoy and his three mates, nearly unconscious from the attack, trying desperately to get out of what looked like a poorly constructed Dementor costume.

Shaking his head, Remus rushed over to the pitch where Harry was on the ground, being congratulated by his teammates—and not to his surprise at all—Cedric Diggory.

“Was that a Patronus Charm, Potter?” he was asking. “Is that what you were on about?”

Harry was grinning, a bit pink in the cheeks as he clenched the snitch tight. “Yeah. And did you see it!” He turned and saw Remus there. “Did you see it! I did it! The Dementors didn’t affect me at all!”

Remus laughed. “Right well…there’s a reason for that.” He nodded to where McGonagall was now shouting at the Slytherins and taking points. “Nasty trick.”

Cedric snorted. “Serves them right, doesn’t it? Brilliant moves, Potter. Can’t wait for a rematch.” Cedric clapped him on the shoulder, and Remus noticed the hand lingered just a fraction longer than friendly.

When he was gone, Harry was blushing, but James and Sirius arrived to congratulate the boy and most of the afternoon was forgotten.

*** 

Hours later, back at the cottage, James was staring down at his plate of roasted vegetables. “It was a Stag. You saw it, right?”

Sirius sighed, glancing at Remus before answering. “Yeah. We saw it, Jamie.”

“I should tell him. We should tell him. Merlin knows he’s been through enough. He’d keep it a secret.”

Remus licked his lips. “Maybe…maybe let me get through one full year before telling him I’m a werewolf. We’ll come clean over the summer, but not even half the Order knew. And if word gets out now…”

“Remus is right,” James said with a sigh. “I’m just…it was a shock, is all.”

“Only proof he’s your son, you know,” Sirius pointed out. He rose to collect everyone’s plates. “It was a brilliant bit of magic. Remus, I hope you’re patting yourself on the back for that. We never had teachers that brilliant.”

Remus flushed a little and shrugged. “It’s wasn’t up to me, you know. It’s in his blood.”

“Please take some credit,” James said. “The students adore you, you know.”

“Yes well, what have they got to compare me to?” Remus challenged. “The professor who had Voldemort living on the back of his head, and Lockhart. It’s not entirely good company.”

“Always so self-deprecating. Ever Remus Soggy Toast Lupin,” Sirius said, then tilted Remus’ head back to kiss him soundly. “And I love you. I love you madly.”

Remus sighed and leant into Sirius’ hand. “I love you too. I’m off for bed though. With the moon creeping up, my bones are aching.”

James sent Sirius off to bed, Remus not complaining about the warm arms going round him as they sank into their soft mattress. The night waned on, and before long, both of them were drifting.

It should have been like any other night. Only hours later James was shaking them awake because there had been an incident at the school. “Albus isn’t saying,” James gasped as the three of them struggled into robes, heading straight for the floo. “But there’s been an attack, I think.”

They scrambled into the floo, tumbling out one by one onto Dumbledore’s office floor, and Minerva was waiting with an explanation. Apparently someone had broken into Gryffindor Tower. Except breaking in wasn’t the proper word because they had the passwords.

“How?” James demanded, shaking when he heard the entire story. Ron Weasley had woken up to find a shaggy, unkempt man stood over his bed holding a knife. His screams drove the stranger out, but based on his vague description, it was likely Rodolphus Lestrange. 

“One of the students had written down all the passwords, as the new portrait insisted on changing them several times a day,” Minerva said, her voice weary and worn. 

“Which student?” Remus asked carefully.

After some silence, she said, “Neville Longbottom.”

All three men deflated, hesitant to put any blame on the boy whose parents were brutally tortured and in St Mungo’s for life thanks to the man who now had broken into the dormitory. None of them wanted to imagine what Neville lived with, the stories he’d heard, and they knew full well Frank’s mother who was raising the boy wasn’t the easiest to get on with.

Never a supporter of the Dark Lord, she was still an old, Pureblood witch who expected more than most people had to give.

Remus could sense Neville’s defeat in life, even this young, and he felt for him. Many times he’d been too tempted to share stories about Frank and Alice, but he wasn’t sure if it would cause Neville pain, so he refrained.

“What now?”

“I’ll be writing to his Grandmother, of course,” Minerva said, and Remus winced. “And we’ll put up extra security measures. At the present time we don’t know where they’ve gone, or when they might make another attempt, but we need to be on high alert.”

“We’ll increase our patrols,” James said, nodding his head at Sirius who immediately agreed.

“As will I,” Remus said. “I’ll sleep in my castle quarters, just in case.”

Sirius pulled a face, but all three knew this was best. They were dismissed shortly after, Remus saying goodbye to his lover and best friend before making his way back to his unused sleeping quarters. They were a bit cold, and lonely, but he was doing this for Harry, and any of the others students at risk. He was doing this for Lily, to ensure her sacrifice was not in vain.

*** 

If they assumed progress would be made, they would have been disappointed. Harry and Ron were at odds with Hermione, but James, Sirius, and Remus were too distracted on the hunt for the rogue Death Eaters, they trusted the boy to sort out his own problems.

It was a fuss about the Hippogriff, apparently, which Remus sent a box of treacle tart to Hagrid to show his support. But his head was elsewhere. Dealing with the moon was enough as it was, but one night it culminated in a way that shocked Remus to his core.

He was just sat in his office with a cup of tea when to his astonishment, Snape’s head appeared in his fire. “Lupin. I require a word. Immediately.”

With a sigh, Remus abandoned his much-craved cup of tea to floo over to Snape’s office. Getting out, his eyes widened when he saw Harry sat in a chair, looking mildly concerned at a large piece of parchment resting in the centre of Snape’s desk.

“You called, Severus?” he said tiredly. Pointing at the parchment, Snape took a step back and let Remus lean over to read it. To his absolute astonishment, he was reading the very map he helped create. The map they had charmed not only to protect itself from those who would not use it for mischief, but also—in particular—to insult the man standing next to him.

“Potter had this in his pocket.”

Remus’ gaze snapped up to Harry, but he managed to control his surprise. “Is that so?”

“He insists it’s nothing. But I’m disinclined to agree, aren’t you? Something like this, so clearly full of _dark magic_ …”

“Dark magic,” Remus said with a small scoff. Their cartography was hardly more than a hobby. “Severus, really it looks like it does nothing more than insult someone who speaks to it. Probably a Zonko’s product.”

“A joke shop?” Severus sneered. “You think he could find something like this in a Joke shop. You don’t think it’s likely he got it directly from the manufacturers. Considering that he…”

“Harry,” Remus said, quickly interrupting Snape so as not to give anything away, “do you know any of these people? This Mr Wormtail or Padfoot?”

“No,” Harry said in a hurry. “Honestly I…”

Suddenly Snape’s office door burst open and Ron stumbled in. “I…Harry…stuff…Zonko’s,” he gasped.

“I should,” Remus said, ignoring Ron and collecting the map, stuffing it into the pockets of his robes, “however, ensure there’s nothing untoward about this. So I’ll be taking it with me. And Harry and Ron as well. If there’s nothing else, Severus?”

Without waiting for an answer, he had Harry by the arm, dragging him down the corridor. He was torn between curiosity and rage—because he had no idea where Harry might have come across the map—and why he’d never mentioned it. And secondly if Pettigrew got his hands on it, for even a moment, all of Hogwarts would be open to him, and there would be nothing stopping him from locating Harry.

They reached his office, and when they got in, Remus slammed the door. Harry jumped, his eyes going wide. “Professor?” he said very softly.

Remus was made aware then he had never shown Harry a single edge of his temper, and he tried to reign it in. “I can’t for the life of me begin to wonder how you came about this map.” At Harry’s shocked look, Remus scoffed. “I happen to know it was confiscated and locked away by Mr Filch years and years ago. In a drawer that could not be charmed open with magic. Frankly I do not want to know how it came to be in your possession. However I am astounded and incredibly disappointed you didn’t hand it in the moment you realised what it was capable of.”

Harry looked down at his feet. “I didn’t think.”

“No. Clearly you didn’t,” Remus said shortly. “This in the hands of Peter Pettigrew could be your death sentence, Harry. Or mine. Or anyone else’s in this castle. This could mean your mother’s sacrifice was in vain.”

Harry swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, Remus. I am. I didn’t think.”

“I want the both of you up in your dormitory and not a word of this spoken to anyone. Do I make myself clear?”

Harry and Ron both nodded, not needing telling twice. They bolted, and the moment the door was shut, Remus collapsed into his chair. The map. How did he get it, and what had he been using it for? It couldn’t have been Hogsmeade, as he would have been spotted.

Before Remus could think further, Dumbledore requested his presence, and Remus decided a walk would sort out his head. He slowly made his way to the massive Gargoyle, and when he reached the office, Dumbledore was alone.

“I’ve just had a visit from Severus who claims that Harry might have been where he shouldn’t have been,” Albus said.

Remus sank into a chair. “Hogsmeade. But how could he have done it without being spotted?”

“James’ cloak, perhaps?” Dumbledore offered.

Remus blinked. “His…but…but he hasn’t had that for ages. He…” Remus trailed off. “Oh Merlin’s beard, Harry has the cloak?”

“I assumed you knew,” Albus said very quietly. “It was given to him first year.”

Remus blinked, letting out air like he’d been hit in the gut by a bludger. “He never said. He didn’t…” Harry was a good kid, but he had to wonder how many secrets he was keeping. “James doesn’t know.”

“That is curious,” Albus said. “For now, I think it best a word with Mr Potter by his father, and perhaps you and Mr Black as well. To impress upon him the dangers of what he’s done. I understand the desire to take risks runs deep in his veins, but there’s a time for it, and now is not the season to be reckless.”

Remus swallowed, nodding his head. “I’ll speak with James tonight. And sort it out. Thank you, Albus.”

Numbly, Remus returned to his office to fetch the map, then went directly to the cottage. He knew it wasn’t going to go over well, but it was all he could do. If Peter got the map and the cloak, all hope would be lost.

*** 

It was clear Harry had never seen fury on his dad than when he was confronted about the cloak. He had no good answer other than to say he was certain James would take it away—which he did. After the thorough lecture, and threats of howlers every single day for a month, Sirius and Remus managed to calm their friend down.

“He’s thirteen,” Sirius said, holding James’ shoulder. “He might understand there is danger, but he doesn’t understand the way we do as adults. He understands some maniac was responsible for the death of a mother he doesn’t know. And he understands that you’ve been keeping him locked up away from the world he should have known for most of his life.”

James deflated instantly, giving Sirius a hard look. “And that’s supposed to excuse this behaviour? Keeping my cloak a secret? The fucking Marauder’s Map.”

“And we’ve not done much better,” Remus said miserably. “He doesn’t know who these boys are. That they would try to lure him out of the castle for a laugh.”

James covered his face. “Lily always told me I’d pay for what I did.”

Sirius pushed his fingers into James’ hair, attempting to soothe him. “He’s alright. We’ve got the map and the cloak. I think he gets it now. And we’ll come clean soon.”

James groaned. “Once upon a time I wanted to leave him these things, you know. As my legacy for my children. Now the thought terrifies me.”

Reaching over the table, Sirius pushed the map to Remus. “You need to keep this with you at all times. If we’re going to find him on the map…”

“Only if he’s not in his animagus form,” Remus reminded them. “Otherwise he’ll be hidden.” Still, he folded it up and put it into his pocket. The weight of it was achingly familiar, but he didn’t let himself think about it now. There was too much at stake, and they had to be vigilant. The Lestranges were getting bolder, and it would only be a matter of time before Pettigrew was bold enough to make his final strike.

*** 

It just before the full moon when Remus was aching class, but he noticed Neville Longbottom looking a little worse for the wear. It was almost end of term, so Remus assumed it had something to do with exams, but he couldn’t help wondering if it was something more.

When class was let out, Remus walked up to Neville’s desk, putting a hand on his book. “A word after class? I’ll write you a note for your next.”

Neville looked petrified, casting a glance over at Harry and Ron who shrugged at him as they hurried out the door. When the classroom was empty, Remus leant back on a desk and crossed his arms. “You alright there?”

Neville blinked at him. “Yes, Professor. Why?”

“You seem more distracted than usual. I have to wonder…” He hesitated for a long moment. “If it has something to do with the escape of the Lestranges.”

Neville, who was easing his book into his pack, dropped it with a loud thunk. “I erm…I don’t…”

“You know, your father Frank was in my year,” Remus said carefully. He pulled the chair out, twisting it so he could sit facing Neville. “He was in the dorm with us. Sirius, James, and Me.”

Neville’s eyes widened, and his cheeks were a bit pink. “I didn’t…well no one ever said.”

“He was a good sort. Usually furious with us because we kept losing Gryffindor points.” Remus smiled when Neville did. “Course he was always spending time with your mum. They fell in love early on, fourth year I think it was. The summer before seventh year Frank and Alice came over to Sirius’ flat in London and we had a long weekend of misbehaving. They were a good sort, and you know they’d be incredibly proud of you.”

Neville’s hands were clasped so tight on his desk, his knuckles were white. He spoke barely above a whisper, not looking up at Remus. “I haven’t told anyone about them. Ever. I just…I dunno how to explain it. I don’t want them thinking…I don’t want…”

“I won’t say anything, of course. Not to Harry, or anyone,” Remus said very quietly. “But I know it can’t be easy for you knowing they’ve escaped. And might be close by.”

Neville gulped, nodding. “I just think…what if I saw them? What would I do? I’m not … not strong enough to…” Neville broke off again.

“You’re much stronger than you think, but I can tell you with certainty they wouldn’t want you to do anything that puts you in harm’s way. They fought beside us in the war to make sure our children didn’t have to go through what we did.”

“If what everyone’s saying is true though, Professor, we might not have a choice.”

Remus let out a long sigh. “You’re right, and I hate it. Believe me. After everything we suffered, the thought that we didn’t finish it off terrifies me.”

Neville looked calmer than before, and finally chanced a look up at his professor. “Do you think they would have cared if I hadn’t got Gryffindor?”

Remus laughed, his head shaking. “Neville, they wouldn’t have cared if you’d been born a squib. I remember when Alice was pregnant with you, same time as Lily was with Harry. Lily was petrified, but Alice…she was excited. More than, actually. She knew that she and your dad were going to make a great kid.” Remus paused. “They weren’t wrong, either.”

Neville grinned, then stood up. “Thanks, Professor Lupin.”

Remus grinned as he got up as well, clapping Neville on the shoulder. “If you ever need anything, my office is always open. Alright?”

Neville grinned. “Alright. See you.”

Remus watched carefully as Neville wandered away, and he wondered if maybe it wasn’t time—when everything with the Lestranges and Pettigrew was sorted—to pay the Longbottoms a visit.

*** 

Remus was starting to wonder if the year was going to come to a close without a resolution. Or well, worry more like, because it meant the summer they would be unprotected by Hogwarts’ defences. It meant the Dementors would be searching elsewhere and apart from their wards, the flat would offer nothing to prevent Pettigrew from attacking with Bellatrix and her mad husband behind her.

Only the day of giving the end of year exam for his class, everything changed.

Sat in his office, James and Sirius were on patrol, desperately combing the forest and the surrounding areas for any sign of the Death Eaters, and Remus was holding the map and the two-way mirror. It showed nothing at first. Nothing of importance. The same as it had been now for months.

Except as he was glancing near Hagrid’s Hut, something popped up. A small dot bursting into the form of a person, and under it was the name which made his heart thump wildly in his chest.

Peter Pettigrew.

He was on the mirror instantly, James face appearing. “Hagrid’s Hut,” Remus gasped. “He’s on the map. Peter. Find him.”

The mirror went instantly dark, and Remus sat back, debating what he should do. But there was a full moon tonight, and he was still waiting for Severus to deliver his potion. He couldn’t take the risk. It was getting too late.

Scrubbing his face, he said several silent prayers that his lover and his best friend could catch the traitor. Could end the madness.

He began to scour the map once more, looking for any signs of Bellatrix or Rodolphus. At the very least he could alert Dumbledore and send the Dementors after them.

His eyes met with nothing for the longest time. Then, as he was staring near the willow, another figure emerged, and it was one that made Remus wonder for a moment if he was hallucinating. If he was finally succumbing to madness.

Regulus Black.

Who was dead. Who had died at the hands of Voldemort. Who had perished and sent Sirius the post-mortem letter with his apology and there had been nothing left of him.

Nothing at all.

Remus was on his feet without thinking, without taking the mirror, without a plan. He had his wand and the map, and he was running.

Regulus’ form was going through the tree, accompanied by Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. And, to his horror, Peter Pettigrew.

Regulus had been a Death Eater, and though they thought maybe he had repented, if somehow he managed to escape the Ministry, escape the Order—he could be helping Bellatrix now.

Remus was in a blind panic as he ran, not thinking, just acting.

His feet clomped hard as his bones protested at the impending moon. But he wasn’t thinking about that now. He had to save Harry and his friends. There was no telling what they would do once they had them alone.

He managed to freeze the Willow without much injury, and slipping through the passage, he froze. He needed to warn James and Sirius. Turning, he blasted a patronus out of his wand and whispered the message. Sending the wolf running, Remus hurried down the narrow passageway and up the stairs which led to the shack.

He didn’t have time to dwell on his aching memories there. No. He had to get to Harry.

There were raised voices upstairs, and Remus was gasping as he went after them. The door swung open and Remus skid to a halt.

After sixteen long years, Remus was staring at the face of the boy who had once tried to poison him with silver. Of the boy who broke Sirius’ heart because the elder Black brother could not protect the younger. Could not save him from himself.

Regulus was in tattered, too-small robes hanging off his bony form. His hair was longer than Remus had ever seen it, hanging limp, his eyes narrow, and a wand that was clearly not his pointed at Ron Weasley who was clutching a bleeding leg.

“Professor,” Hermione gasped. “The willow…and…we don’t…he just attacked Ron and…”

“Regulus,” Remus said, his voice level.

Harry whipped round to face the man holding the wand at Ron. “Sirius’ brother?”

Regulus’ face twisted, falling for just a second. “I’m here for one thing only. The traitor.”

Remus gulped, his head shaking. “How…you’re dead. You were dead. We got your letter.”

Regulus’ dark eyes flickered over to Remus, and he barked a hoarse laugh. “Sirius wasn’t the only one who could keep a secret, Moony. I figured out what Voldemort was up to, and I had to run. Or he would have killed me.”

“What did you do?” Remus all-but whispered. “Regulus…”

“He’s trying to kill me!” Ron shouted, suddenly coming back to himself. “He was the one standing over my bed!”

Remus blinked. “You? Why?”

“Because he’s holding the traitor,” Regulus said calmly.

Remus’ eyes flickered down to Ron’s hands, and shock hit him like a tonne of bricks. In the pale, trembling fingers was a rat. A rat Remus would know anywhere. “Peter?” he whispered.

“They’re all mad! Barking,” Ron cried. “Scabbers is…”

Harry was stepping forward. “What is going on? Why did he call you Moony?”

“Because that was his name back in school,” came a voice from the doorway. James stepped in with Sirius close at his heels, and Regulus finally turned, facing his brother who was staring with hard, cold grey eyes.

“Were you helping him?” Sirius asked, his voice icy and soft.

Regulus scoffed. “You think so little of me?”

“When you try to murder my friends? When you join the Death Eaters at sixteen years old!” Sirius bellowed, and only quieted when James touched his shoulder. “Were you helping him?”

“I’m trying to kill him,” Regulus said. “He’s the one who sold me out. I was going to go to Dumbledore with my information and this _rat_ sold me out.”

James, Sirius, and Remus were staring at the rat in Ron’s hands, and Remus felt a charge go through him. “Mr Weasley, please let us have the rat.” He was amazed at how calm his voice was.

Before Ron could react, the door banged open and a dark figure swept in. Primed to believe it was one of the Lestranges, Remus whirled round, and his eyes went wide as they landed on Snape. Who was staring open-mouthed at Regulus Black.

James and Sirius reacted first, drawing their wands. They hit Snape with a stupefy and he hit the wall without ceremony, sliding to the floor.

“Oh my God, you just attacked a teacher!” Hermione cried. She rounded on Remus. “You…are you helping him? Have you been helping the Lestranges? I’ve been covering for you this entire time!”

Remus shook his head. “Please Miss Granger…”

“No!” Hermione screamed. “The map! The Firebolt! All of it! Did you know? And I haven’t told anyone what you are!”

Harry looked at her and Remus felt his stomach sink. “What are you talking about, Hermione?”

“He’s a werewolf,” Hermione said.

Everyone in the room froze, and Harry slowly moved his eyes to Remus. “Is she telling the truth?”

“How long have you known?” Remus asked softly.

“When Snape set the essay. I…recognised some of the signs. The symptoms.”

Remus smiled very softly, but before he could react, Regulus lunged. He pried the rat from Ron’s hands, ignoring the boy’s screams. He had his wand, half the killing curse out of his mouth before Sirius waved his wand to disarm his brother.

“What the bloody hell!” Regulus shouted.

“We need proof,” James said, his voice strained. 

“Wait a minute!” Harry bellowed. “Remus is a werewolf? And your dead brother is alive?! You know he’s Hermione’s cat, right?”

Again, the adults in the room froze and stared. Regulus bowed his head and turned toward Sirius. “Anything you can do, big brother.”

Sirius licked his lips, his hands trembling as he looked at Remus. The raw pain on his face made Remus’ gut clench, but there was no time. Regulus was holding the struggling rat and they had to know for sure. He had to know. For Harry. For Lily.

Waving his wand, he cast the spell at the rat and Regulus dropped it as it began to contort, change shape, bones cracking and reforming as it grew into a half-bald, scraggly man who was on his knees.

“James,” Peter said. “Sirius. Remus.”

James was shaking with rage, his wand pointed at Peter’s face. He glanced over at Sirius who had raised his own wand. “Together?”

Remus joined them.

Before a curse could fly, Harry had shouted and was tackling his dad. “Don’t! You can’t kill him! They could take you away! To Azkaban! You think mum would have wanted that?”

James was trying to pry Harry’s hands off. “Harry, you do realise…”

“Yeah, I do!” Harry shouted. “I realise you’ve kept a bloody lot from me! And that there’s someone in this room supposed to be dead. And there’s the man who sold out my mum to Voldemort. But if I lose you, what have I got? Just…give him to the Dementors.”

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a broken cry. The moon was rising. He turned panicked eyes to Sirius who recognised the signs, and quickly grabbed James. “Get them the hell out of here. Now. I’ll stay. Keep Regulus in your sights. Do not let him run off. Regulus…I will find you and kill you if you…”

Remus was falling to his knees now, and it was a scramble to get everyone up. “Potion…” he gasped. “Didn’t…don’t…”

Remus watched with shifting eyes as Sirius transformed into Padfoot. He could feel doors slamming, and wards setting, and his rage rising. Then the darkness was descending. He didn’t have the potion to keep his mind, and with everything he’d learnt tonight, it was too much to bear.

*** 

When Remus came to, it was morning. He was in the hospital wing with his bones aching, and a hand holding his. The sun was too bright, but when he cracked open one eye, he saw Sirius dozing in the chair next to him.

He let out a small groan as Sirius woke with a start, jumping up and fumbling for the small goblet of water on the table. “Hey, Re. You okay?”

Remus took a slow drink of the water before attempting to speak. “What…I don’t…I don’t remember what happened.”

Sirius very slowly, very carefully, filled him in. James’ spell hadn’t been strong enough to hold the wolf. Remus escaped and went after them, and James had to transform with Sirius to keep the wolf at bay. Peter escaped, but no one was hurt.

“Snape tried it pin it on Regulus, so he had to go,” Sirius said, his voice a little broken. “Hermione had a time-turner—something else we didn’t know, though this time it wasn’t Harry keeping secrets. Regulus escaped on Buckbeak…”

“Hagrid’s Hippogriff?” Remus rasped.

Sirius chuckled as he climbed onto Remus’ bed. “Yeah. Snape was livid, of course. Denied an Order of Merlin, apparently. From what they can tell, Bellatrix and Rodolphus disappeared with Pettigrew. Into the wind. Dementors have been dispatched back to Azkaban for the time being.”

Remus bowed his head. “I don’t know how to process half of what happened,” he muttered.

“Neither can I.” Sirius scrubbed his face, then buried his face in Remus’ neck. “My brother isn’t dead.”

In spite of his injuries, Remus turned and cupped Sirius’ cheek, holding him tight. “We’ll figure it out. I swear we will. I…” But he didn’t know what to say, how to even cope with the idea that Regulus had been alive all this time. An Animagus as well.

“It gets better,” Sirius muttered. “After the whole Order of Merlin thing, Snape sort of…well…let slip about your furry little problem.”

Remus’ face went white-hot with panic. “He didn’t…”

“Howlers have been coming in all morning to Dumbledore’s office. He’s saying to ignore them.”

“Which obviously I can’t. The Ministry will make me register.”

Sirius shook with rage, holding on to Remus tight. “I hate him. That slimy, fucking worthless waste of…”

“Hush,” Remus said very softly. “We’ll be alright. The three of us.”

“Dumbledore wants you to disappear for a little while. Dunno wear. He’s out of his bloody mind if he thinks I’ll be going anywhere without you.”

Remus pulled Sirius closer. “You think it’s best you come with me? James and Harry…”

“There’s…Dumbledore has got some plan. It’s not for me to know, apparently. Right now. All I care about is holding you because if I don’t, I feel like I’m going to shake apart. Fuck…Remus…”

Kissing his lover, Remus held him tight and closed his eyes. “We’ll make it work, love. I swear it. Peter won’t be able to hide forever.”

Sirius nuzzled his lover’s neck. “You know the broom? The Firebolt?” When Remus nodded against his head, Sirius let out a chuckle, “It was from Regulus. He felt bad about Harry’s broom. The little fucking twat.”

Remus closed his eyes against a fresh wave of pain and wondered what it meant for the future. Wondered what information Regulus had for Dumbledore. It meant Peter could find his way back to the Dark Lord, but with Regulus on their side, it might mean they had a weapon they didn’t have last time. And at the very least, it was hope.

Which is what Remus knew they didn’t really have. Until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://lala-lady-elena.tumblr.com/post/136659792430/635-crookshanks-is-actually-regulus-black-who


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GOF Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a longer than expected break from my book after I caught a flu this week, so did some updating on fic. I don't know why I thought the GOF chapter might not be two parts, silly of me really.
> 
> So here's the preface before Harry's fourth year, and the second half will be the events of the tournament and obviously the end of the year. I should mention the pairing of Harry/Cedric is really implied, and Cedric will remain a canon death so be prepared for that. This story will be Drarry end-game for the Harry ship, and that will start sometime during HBP.
> 
> Next update should be either end of January, or beginning of February. x

Sirius was trembling as he reached for Remus’ hand. They were in Wales, in the middle of what felt like absolutely nowhere, not a single other home in sight. If Remus squinted, he could see the shimmering outline of the massive wards surrounding the immediate area. The muggle-repelling charms, disillusionment charms, Fidelius charm, and a host of others Remus wasn’t sure about.

They’d, of course, learnt from their mistakes in the past. They were their own secret-keepers now. The home was protected as it could be, the muggle cottage once belonging to Remus’ grandmother who had passed years before he was born. But this home was something else. This home was where he had been stalked and bitten by Fenrir Greyback.

Remus hadn’t been back here since he was five.

The memories didn’t outweigh his concern for his livelihood presently, however. Nor did it outweigh his concern for the wizard now sat inside waiting for Sirius and Remus to arrive.

Dumbledore flew into action immediately after Remus had been outed as a werewolf and Regulus Black had come back from the dead. Regulus had escaped on Buckbeak, and Remus had dodged both Howlers from disgruntled parents, and a Ministry inquiry over his status as a werewolf, and the knowledge of how long ago he’d been bitten, and why he wasn’t registered.

He lived with the fear now there was some way to trace back Dumbledore’s actions back in his seventh year at Hogwarts. Erasing him from the registry just before it became a requirement for all werewolves to change at a Ministry appointed location.

“I will handle this,” Albus told him just before he and Sirius were given their orders. “But for now I need you to ensure the safety of Regulus. He has information that is integral to the Order and if we want even a small hope of winning a battle should Voldemort find a way to return, we need him.”

Remus wanted to rage at Albus. To break things. To hex him, one for each time he’d put the people he loved in danger—including himself. But instead he bowed his head and told Sirius the plan.

“You can go with James and Harry if you like,” Remus said quietly. “I would completely understand.”

Sirius looked murderous as he took Remus by the shoulders. “If you think,” he said through clenched teeth, “that I’m going to leave you locked away in some home in the middle of nowhere—somewhere _I can’t find you_ with a person who once tried to murder you with silver…”

“He was a stupid boy back then,” Remus said, but his tone and arguments were weary.

“I’m not leaving your side. James is back with the Aurors now. Harry’s going to be staying with the Weasleys for most of the summer, so they’re going to be fine. And this isn’t forever.”

Remus bowed his head and let Sirius draw him close, pressing feathered kisses along his neck. “I love you,” he breathed.

“Merlin, but I know you do. And I love you,” Sirius said fiercely.

He was putting on a brave face until now. Until his trembling fingers gave away just how terrified Sirius was of being locked up in a house with Regulus. The brother who had loved him, worshipped him, then betrayed him. The brother who had died, the brother he had mourned with a fierceness Remus hadn’t seen until James—and one who had come back from the dead.

As James had.

Only this might have been worse.

Remus wouldn’t know until Sirius cracked.

Putting his hand on the door, Remus whispered the spell to unlock it. The magic tested theirs, then let them pass through the wards and step in.

The cottage was close to what he remembered, in his fractured, five-year-old brain. Small, floral-patterned furniture, a fireplace covered in muggle photographs. There was a small door which led to a kitchen, a back door leading to a garden which hadn’t been tended in thirty years. There were four bedrooms, all of them small and likely musty.

The place was muggle, but it was clear it hadn’t seen electricity or running water for as long as Remus had been gone.

To their relief, the lounge was empty, and there was no sign of Regulus straight away. Remus assumed he was hiding out in one of the bedrooms, but he wasn’t going to push the meeting just yet. Pulling Sirius in, they closed the door and began their first summer of isolation.

*** 

Sirius sulked in the bedroom they claimed as theirs from the moment they got in. Remus hauled their trunk inside, then performed a handful of cleaning spells to air the place out. When Sirius flopped on the bed and refused to move, Remus leant over him and put his fingers in Sirius’ hair gently.

“I’m going to make us some tea, and see if Regulus is around. You’re going to have to face him sometime.”

“Not until I can…not until I can breathe properly,” Sirius said.

Remus put his hand on Sirius’ face and turned it, lowering himself all the way down for a kiss. “I love you. So much. And it’s going to be alright.”

Sirius grunted a reply, then turned to the wall, and Remus knew there was no pushing his lover. Not until he was ready. So with a resigned sigh, Remus left him there and went exploring. 

He tried not to think too much about the memories of living there. He barely glanced at old photos of himself as no older than a toddler held by his mum and dad, bounced on a knee, pushed on a swing. There were a couple of photos after the bite Remus saw, fresh gashes on his face, his skin peaky and eyes blackened.

He never knew his mam bothered to keep them, surprised by it, actually. But he passed them by now with no more than a quick glance before heading for the kitchen. It was well stocked, he assumed Dumbledore was sending care packages for Regulus who had been there a few weeks now. A kettle sat on the counter, and Remus filled it from the tap—happy to find there was proper running water. He heated it with the flick of his wand, then rummaged about the cabinets for mugs and tea bags.

The fridge was cold, but there was no hum of electricity, so Remus assumed everything was cobbled together with a handful of spells. He could live with it, though he’d never lived completely wizard before so it would be a challenge. He reckoned the Black brothers would be alright, though with Regulus having lived as a cat for most of the last sixteen years and Sirius with him, it would be an adjustment for everyone.

As Remus began to sort the tea, he caught a flash of black hair in the breeze. Peering out the window, he found Regulus sat on the step leading to the back garden, and feeling bold, he fixed the younger a mug, then stepped outside.

“Peckish at all?”

Regulus looked up with a mild expression, then his eyes flickered down to the tea. “Not really.” He held his hand out for it, curling his long fingers— which resembled Sirius’ so much it startled Remus—round the handle. “Ta, mate.”

Remus almost laughed at the polite, casual thanks, and took it as a sign he wouldn’t be hexed for sitting down. He glanced at the younger brother, and took notice he looked better than he had in the shack. Definitely more human, his hair cut short just above his ears as he’d worn it at Hogwarts. His face was a bit fuller now, and he was wearing a pair of muggle trousers and a white, button-up shirt. It was strange to see him looking so much older than a sixteen year old boy. Remus could only begin how difficult it must have been to live a life the way he had, hiding, terrified of being found out, with knowledge that not even Dumbledore had last time.

“You can stop staring at any time,” Regulus muttered, staring down at the tea.

Remus licked his lips. “Sorry. Also the tea’s safe. If I wanted to kill you, I’d have done so in the Shack.”

Regulus snorted. “I’m sure my darling brother would have appreciated you doing him the favour.”

Blinking, Remus almost laughed, then felt a tightness in his throat and he cleared it away. “He didn’t want you dead. He never…” He stopped again. “I had to be the one to tell him, you know? I was home when your letter came. He was on a mission and we were…we weren’t…” Remus scrubbed his face with his free hand, then sipped his bitter tea. “I think what small hope he had left was crushed that night. He moved out of our flat by the time I got back from my own mission.”

“I’d say sorry, but that would be a lie.” Regulus eventually did take a sip of the tea, and refrained from pulling a face. “It was all I had left. It was that or let him find me.”

“Dumbledore could have…”

“That old fool couldn’t have done anything. They were taking you lot down one by one and having a grand time of it. They could have killed you all faster, you know? Peter was giving them _everything_. I never much cared for Potter, of course. He was a prat, but … to betray his friends like that and for _nothing_.” Shuddering, Regulus gulped down the tea and looked away. “The Dark Lord never thought I was much. Status. A Black. Bellatrix’s cousin who didn’t possess her uninhibited desire for torture. I was young enough to give him eyes and ears inside the castle, but not trusted enough to get close to anyone worth anything. Peter was his greatest triumph. Peter who got him close to the Potters. He never realised I was clever. Or that I paid attention.”

Remus said nothing as the pair of them finished off their tea. He set his mug down on the ground next to Regulus’ and looked at him for a long time. “You were braver than a lot of people in the war.”

“From the one who attempted to infiltrate a Death Eater Werewolf camp, I suppose that’s high praise.” Regulus’ tone was flat, perhaps even a little sarcastic, but his mouth was quirked up into an old, familiar smirk. “I hated the lot of you. You took Sirius away from me.”

“I know,” Remus said quietly.

“Took me years to realise he needed it. He wouldn’t have joined in if he’d been in Slytherin. He probably would have just withered away. He was never like us.”

“You weren’t,” Remus countered.

Regulus laughed bitterly. “Come off it. I was, only because for once in my bloody fucking life I wanted to be better than Sirius at something. Mother praised me, but only because she wanted him to be jealous, to give _in_ to her. It was never for me. I was never as good as he was, and until the day she died, I know she mourned his loss—and mourned me for not being able to bring him back.” Regulus looked down at his hands which were hanging between his knees, and something inside Remus cracked a little.

Without really thinking, he reached out and pulled Regulus into a hug. The younger man immediately stiffened. “What are you doing?”

“Sirius was eleven the first time he had a hug. It came from James. I reckon it’s probably too late for you now. Thirty something years is too damn long. But it’s all I’ve got right now.”

After just a second, just as Remus was regretting the gesture and about to let go, Regulus relaxed into it. He didn’t hug back, but he allowed his head to drop on Remus’ arm for a moment. It was a small something, but it was still something.

When they broke apart, Regulus let out a small laugh. “That wasn’t my first hug, you know.”

Remus blinked at him. “Ah.”

For a long moment, the younger man was quiet. “Sirius and I used to have nightmares. I assume you knew all about his. Living at that house was…” He trailed off and shook his head. “Didn’t matter if you were a good son or not. I’d dream about the House Elf heads on the walls and… One night after his first term at Hogwarts, he heard me crying out in my sleep. So he came into my room and shook me awake and told me, ‘I learnt this trick to make them stop. You want me to show you?’ Then he climbed into the bed with me and hugged me. It…I didn’t know what to think and we were too afraid of being caught by our parents to make it a habit. But when I asked him who taught him that, he told me you and James did.”

Remus felt his throat tighten and he felt the urge to rush into the back bedroom and hold his lover until Sirius came out of his own head. But instead he clapped Regulus on the shoulder and said, “You’re welcome. Now, I’m going to see what we’ve got for tea.”

Neither of them mentioned it again.

*** 

Sirius cracked three weeks and four days into their stay at Remus’ Gran’s old cottage.

They knew it was coming, of course. With no one to break up the tension, and the place too small to avoid Regulus for long, Sirius cracked. He spent a good amount of time at first as Padfoot, and when he wasn’t doing that, Regulus would often be found curled up as the massive ginger cat.

But there were moments of forced teas and bumping into each other in the hall after a shower, and though Sirius tried to be polite, and tried to hold it all in, he couldn’t.

It could be easily blamed on Remus as well, who found the stash of Firewhiskey Dumbledore sent. He served it after tea one night because he knew if he didn’t hurry this along, Sirius’ explosion would likely get them found out by any Auror and Death Eater sympathiser within a thousand mile radius.

Sirius was three whiskeys in when he looked at his brother. “I fucking hate you.”

Regulus, who was just as quiet and mild-mannered as he’d ever been, lifted one eyebrow at his brother. “So nothing’s changed is what you’re saying.”

“You let me…” Sirius waved his hand and whiskey sloshed over the rim of his glass. Remus sucked in a breath, but did nothing. “You let me think you were dead. You fucking…fuck.”

“Eloquent,” Regulus said dryly. “And yes, I did. That was the point. I didn’t think you’d actually mind, you know.”

“I wouldn’t…” He stopped, turning wide, grey eyes on Remus. “He thinks I wouldn’t mind. You ‘ear that, Moons? He thinksssss I wouldn’t mind.”

“Maybe that’s enough whiskey,” Regulus said, and reached for Sirius glass.

With a bang, a flick of Sirius’ wrist, Regulus was sprawled out on the kitchen floor. Sirius peered round the chair, then threw his head back and laughed. “Brilliant. You were shit at blocking spells.”

“Forgive me, I’ve spent the last almost two decades as a cat,” Regulus said, grumbling as he picked himself up and brushed his jeans off. “You want to do it again? Will that make it better? Go on. Use your fists, even.”

Sirius’ hand clenched round the glass so tight, Remus thought it might actually shatter. “Don’t tempt me.”

Regulus spread his arms wide. “You’ve wanted to for years now. Since I was sixteen. Since I took the mark and cast Cruciatus on you.”

The glass shattered, and Remus instantly saw blood pouring from the centre of Sirius’ palm. “Sirius…”

“Shut _up_ , Re.” Standing, Sirius stalked round his chair, then grabbed Regulus by the front of his shirt, backing him up into the fridge. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? To be a little martyr. To say, well Sirius got in his punches, so all’s well.”

Regulus licked his lips. “I want you to forgive me, and I know you, Sirius. And I know that the first step is you beating the shit out of something. So have at me. Because I’ve made my amends to everyone else but you. So get it over with.”

Sirius released him, then took a step back. 

Just when Remus thought that was it, Sirius spun and landed a punch square in the centre of Regulus’ nose. Just like he had James. There was a crack, and blood poured out, but Regulus made no move to defend himself.

As he had also done with James, Sirius stalked out and the door slammed, echoing through the room.

After a long moment, Remus rose with a sigh, brandishing his wand, but Regulus waved him away. “Don’t,” he said, his voice nasal and stuffy. “Just…let me have this for a while.”

Remus swallowed, but nodded as he watched Regulus walk out of the room, and a while later, his bedroom door closed. Remus bowed his head, then waved his wand at the shattered glass and split liquid.

That sorted, he glanced down the corridor, then at the back door, unable to decide where he ought to go first. Though it wasn’t really a choice. It never was. He briefly wished James was there to take the edge off some of the tension, but knowing there wasn’t much choice in the matter, he pushed the back garden door open and stepped out.

Sirius was sat in the middle of a grass patch, his hand waving, causing a shower of glowing flowers to fall and shatter. He had a cigarette clenched between his teeth, and Remus briefly thanked the Universe that wizards fared far better medically from those damned things than the muggles did. Of course wizards could also be turned into werewolves, but that tended to kill more slowly at least.

Taking a breath, he lowered himself next to Sirius and said nothing, merely resting his head on his lover’s shoulder.

“When all this shit is over,” Sirius said after a long pause, crushing what was left of the fag under his boot, “we’re going to find some island where they don’t give a shit we’re two blokes, and I’m going to marry the hell out of you.”

Remus felt something warm cracking open in his chest, and he shifted just a little closer. “I hope you plan to be a little more romantic than that. And my ring had better be very pretty.”

“You’ll be the envy of every person who ever crosses your path, Moonbeam.” Reaching over, Sirius cupped Remus’ chin and turned his head to kiss him properly.

“Funny how easily it’s come back, Padfoot,” Remus said, emphasising the old nickname. “How’d that happen?”

“Who the fuck knows. The map, maybe? Seeing our sixteen year old selves insulting Snape again? Knowing it’s legacy was preserved and properly placed because it found its way into the hands on Jamie’s spawn? Maybe it was my fucking brother come back from the fucking dead.”

Ah. There it was. 

Remus carefully put his hand over Sirius’ and squeezed. “He misses you.”

“He was a sodding Death Eater.”

“Who changed his mind. He was sixteen, Sirius. I really don’t want to, but I can recall some really bloody stupid shit you did at sixteen.”

Wincing, Sirius leant back in the grass, first to his elbows, then dropping down to stare up at the summer sky. “It wasn’t the same.”

“No,” Remus said slowly. “But neither were your battles. And you both did what you had to. To survive that childhood. To get in. To get out. You have to forgive him some time. He had his reasons, you know. And they’re far better than Wormtail’s ever were.”

Sirius grunted when Remus flopped over and laid his head on Sirius’ stomach. But he reached out, carding his fingers into Remus’ soft curls. “I hate you.”

“Nah, never could. You might have even tried once or twice.”

Sirius flicked Remus’ earlobe, but without any real intent. “So you want me to go in there and play nice? Be the big brother I never was?”

“I want you to have your strop and get the fuck over it. Regulus is on our side and has been longer than we realised it.”

There was another long pause. “Jamie called me on the mirror today. He’s got tickets to the World Cup and wants us to come.”

Remus let out a slow breath. “Even if I gave two shits about Quidditch—which I still don’t, as much as it hurts your delicate sensibilities—I can’t. It’ll be lousy with Ministry officials and until Dumbledore gets it all sorted, there’s no hope for me of being incognito. You should go, though.”

“You don’t think they’ll be up my arse about Reg?”

Remus didn’t comment on how Sirius had slipped into his brother’s old nickname. “I think they might wonder, but considering your history with your brother, and with the war…whose side you were on.”

Sirius breathed, then wriggled until Remus shifted to his head was on Sirius’ shoulder. They turned toward each other and kissed slowly for a while. “I’ll…do my best, you know. To not…to not feel this. But I hated him long before he died. It’s not like losing Jamie.”

“No,” Remus said slowly. “But if there’s a war coming, you really shouldn’t waste a second chance.”

*** 

For his part, Sirius managed to at least be cordial to his brother, and Remus even woke a few times after moons to find the pair playing a quiet game of snap, or reminiscing over an unshattered glass of firewhiskey. The reconciliation was tense, fragile, but better than Remus could have hoped by the time Sirius left for the Cup.

Kissing Remus, he held the unactivated portkey in his hand, and stepped back. “Just no funny business when I’m gone,” he warned.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes, all my funny gardening and Regulus’ pacing the lounge and moping.”

“I’m only saying. You keep the mirror on you at all times. We might be hidden but…”

“It’ll be alright, love,” Remus said. “And it’s about to activate. Have a good time. Give James a kiss for me, and hug for Haz.”

“I will.” Sirius took one, longing look at Remus before the portkey activated, and his gut was hooked, ripped through some wormhole of time and space and everything between, depositing him haphazardly on the grass where witches and wizards were congregating.

It was amazing, really, how they never got found out. For all the repelling charms and obliviates, it was just so massive there was no way it didn’t draw the worst attention. But the harassed wizard at the entrance didn’t seem fussed any longer.

Sirius had his tickets, and his camp site where James was set up with the Weasleys, and eventually Sirius was given entrance and followed the map for what felt like miles. He passed by a few witches and wizards he recognised. Some he wanted to, some he didn’t. He noticed curious looks and he knew it was from the Daily Prophet running a piece on Remus—something he owed Rita Skeeter a good hexing over, and the reports that feared Death Eater Regulus Black was still on the loose.

The entire thing was almost too much stress to bear, but before long he caught sight of two heads of messy hair and glasses bent over a greenish fire. Harry was the first to look up, and he elbowed his dad before tromping over and throwing his arms round Sirius.

Holding his godson tight, Sirius felt something unknot in the centre of his chest. “Heya, Prongs the Mini.”

“Mini?” Harry demanded, and pointed out with a quirked brow that he was very nearly as tall as Sirius now, and likely would surpass him by the end of the year.

“Yeah well, still got catching up to do with your dad and Remus,” Sirius pointed out, nudging the boy. 

Harry grinned and shook his head. “Missed you guys. How come Remus isn’t here?”

“He erm…” Sirius scrubbed his face and looked over at James who had abandoned the fire to say hello. “It’s that business with the Prophet. He has to lay low for a while.”

“With Crookshanks?” Harry asked in a low voice.

James’ eyes flickered to Sirius’ expression. “Yeah,” Sirius said. “For now. Until Dumbledore gets it sorted.”

Harry pulled a face, but someone behind him called his name and he backed up. “You’re staying though, right? Because you missed my birthday and everything.”

“Course I am.” Sirius watched as Harry rushed off, then he turned to James who quickly tugged him into a fierce hug. Four years had passed now, but neither of them were ready to be apart like this, and Sirius let himself bask for a moment in the feeling of his best friend’s arms. “Moony’s jealous, you know. That I get you all to myself for a few days.”

James chuckled. “Well you can let him know I’m pining away and the moment Harry’s back at Hogwarts and guarded, I’ll be by yours.”

Sirius felt his shoulders relax at the admission. “So…how’s erm. You know. Everything.”

James ruffled his hair as he led Sirius back to the fire. There were a couple of camp chairs set up, and they lowered themselves down. “Had a few inquiries at the Ministry. Mostly about Regulus. And you know I want to know how all that’s going.”

“It’s…” Sirius barked a tense laugh. “It could be worse, I guess. He’s…trying. I’m trying. It’s a sodding, shitting mess and I don’t know that it’s ever going to be okay. I’m torn between wanting to murder him myself, and taking up fucking religion so I can thank some god that he really didn’t die sixteen years ago.”

James smiled very softly. “I think it’ll get easier.”

“S’what Remus keeps saying. You always take his side,” Sirius grumbled.

James chortled a laugh and clapped Sirius on the knee. “Because he’s always right.”

*** 

A few hours later found them in the tents with the Weasleys. There were three set—one smallish one for the girls, larger one for the teen boys, and a third for the adults. They were sat in the boys’ tent, James and Arthur off working security detail for a short period of time, and Sirius was minding the teens as they danced round, excited for the match to begin.

He was flipping through the Prophet when he noticed a pair of identical faces absolutely staring at him, and with a resigned sigh, he set the paper down and gave the Twins a look. “Well?”

“Harry said you’re Padfoot,” the one he was pretty sure was called George said.

Sirius blinked, then realised James must have explained everything to Harry about the map. “Yeah. Reckon I am.”

The twins looked like they had just been informed Sirius was Odin himself. “Holy bloody shit,” Fred breathed. They took seats. “You…I…”

“We don’t…” George shook his head. “Never thought we’d get to actually meet one of the Marauders.

Sirius almost laughed, the sound trapped in his throat by sheer will alone. “Well…you do realise you’ve actually known me most of your lives, don’t you?”

“Yeah but…” Fred shook his head again. “You’ve no idea what that map has meant to us. No. Idea.”

Sirius smirked. “Oh I think I might have some, as we sort of created it with a purpose. I’m glad I could be of assistance, you know. Although I think I’m supposed to be pissed off with you two for giving it to Harry. It was you, right?”

The twins didn’t look even the slightest bit penitent over it. “It was. Poor sod all trapped at the school whilst the rest of his yearmates were off to Hogsmeade.” Fred said

“Child abuse, I call it,” George finished.

“Sure,” Sirius said with a slight eyeroll. “Child abuse, protecting him from a vicious set of murderers. All the same thing, innit.”

The twins still looked unrepentant. “Well, Mr Padfoot,” George went on, “how’s about we run by a few ideas with you, as Freddie and I have been working diligently all summer on an idea we think you might find very…”

“Intriguing,” Fred finished.

*** 

Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes was intriguing indeed. Sirius was beyond impressed. He and his mates had gotten up to a lot at school, but never had they wanted to help out their fellow classmates. Fred and George were nothing short of geniuses, and he was well impressed with the prototypes they had so far.

He offered a few tips, writing down a few charms and transfiguration spells for them to use which they thanked him profusely for. He knew it would likely earn him Molly’s ire for the rest of his natural life, but it was worth it to see their eyes light up.

Merlin he missed how carefree it could be. And Merlin did he hope that whatever evils this impending war brought, it left the children alone.

The match was set to begin soon though, and Arthur and James returned just in time to gather the children up and head for the stands. Sirius found himself walking with Ron, Harry, and Hermione whilst James took the rear, and he glanced down at Hermione who looked decidedly nervous.

“Alright there, kids?”

They murmured a yes, and Sirius rolled his eyes. When had he become the stodgy adult figure?

“Hermione, ever get a replacement for that cat of yours?”

She looked up with wide, brown eyes. “Well erm. No. But I was thinking maybe an owl this time. Handy and all that.”

“And less common to find they’re secretly Animagus hiding from the followers of a Dark Lord?” Sirius offered, and when she squeaked, he pat her shoulder. “Listen, I appreciate you keeping the whole thing you know…quiet.”

“Well Mr Potter explained it all,” Hermione said very quietly. “And I understand. And er…hope he’s alright and all that.”

Sirius gave a curt nod, trying not to let his feelings show as they headed for the stairs. “He’s getting on. No worries, of course.”

The three teens gave Sirius a cautious smile and he was once again, reminded he was no longer part of the youth.

A short while later, and a run in with the Malfoys which went absolutely nowhere besides to get everyone frustrated. When they were gone, James grabbed Sirius and held him back. 

“We’ll meet you lot in a while. Sirius and I are going to keep watch down here. If Malfoy’s lurking about…”

Arthur looked dubious, but didn’t argue as he led the teens up to their seats, and honestly Harry looked a bit relieved to be away from his dad for a while. When they were gone, James pulled Sirius to a quiet corner, leaning his head in low.

“Harry’s been having nightmares about Voldemort. Or…at least that’s what I think it is. They’re cryptic but I don’t think they’re proper nightmares.”

“Shit,” Sirius breathed, putting his hand on James’ shoulder. 

“That’s not all, either.” James looked round carefully before speaking again. “Dumbledore’s arranged to have the Twi-Wizard Cup at Hogwarts this year.”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “What? Why? Why the ruddy hell would he do that?”

“I think he’s trying to bring Karkaroff back into the country. He’s…he has some suspicions.” James leant down and pressed his forehead onto Sirius’ shoulder. “I want to go home, Pads. With you and Moony. I want to just…I want it to stop.”

Sirius carefully wound his hand into James’ hair, stroking it gently to soothe him. “Soon. And whatever Dumbledore’s got up his sleeve, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

James let out a slow breath, then he and Sirius found a place to watch the match. They even allowed themselves to stop thinking about everything looming, long enough to enjoy it. James was impressed with Bulgaria’s seeker, both being so young, and being incredibly lithe on a broom in spite of his hulking body.

They were impressed with Ireland for having won in spite of missing the snitch, and laughed when Harry and the Weasleys came down, shouting at the tops of their voices at how amazing the whole thing had been. For just a little while, they were allowed to just be wizards and witches.

*** 

Absently twirling his watch round his wrist, Sirius paused to lift his glass of whiskey to his lips, grinning a little at the sounds of the teens recounting every move of the match. Ron was particularly taken with Krum, and Sirius had just learnt Krum would be at Hogwarts when the Durmstrang students arrived. But he was currently forbidden from saying anything.

Lowering his glass, Sirius thumbed his watch again, thinking about the Potters. It wasn’t often he let himself open that wound. Losing them had been one of the most painful parts of the war. He’d been given no chance to say goodbye, no chance to thank them for taking in someone like him and making him feel worthy, like he belonged somewhere else than his shit family. Like he was worth something. A worthy son.

“That looks old,” piped up a quiet voice, and Sirius turned, looking at his godson who’d come to sit by the fire.

Sirius looked down at the watch and smiled. “Ah. Yeah it is. It erm…it belonged to your great-granddad.”

Harry’s eyes went wide. “Really?”

Sirius ran the pad of his finger along the face of the watch and smiled at the memory. “It was the summer before seventh year, and your gran was having a loud row with your dad because he refused to tell them when my birthday was. I had never…I didn’t like celebrating it. Your dad and Remus had this tradition though, to throw me an unbirthday party. But I turned seventeen and your grandparents wanted to… There’s a tradition, when a wizard turns seventeen his parents gift him a watch.”

Harry swallowed. “So they…because yours didn’t?”

“Disinherited me when I was sixteen, threw me out. Your grandparents took me in and gave me this. Your granddad charmed it so if it ever gets lost, it’ll end up in the case I keep at home.” He smiled again, remembering their faces, his desperation not to cry because no one had ever…

“I wish I’d met them. It’s like the world fell apart right before I was born,” Harry said quietly.

Sirius shifted, putting his arm round his godson and pulled him close. “In a way it did. And it rebuilt into something new. They would have loved you, of course.”

Harry stared down at his trainers and sighed, leaning into Sirius just a little. “I miss you guys. You and Remus. Er. Moony.”

Sirius startled, then laughed. “Moony, is it?”

Harry snickered. “Dad let me have the map back. Under the promise I wouldn’t use it to sneak out. And I agreed with the promise he’d sign the ruddy Hogsmeade form which he did. So…compromise and all that. But the flat sucks without you two.”

Sirius sighed and let his head rest on the top of Harry’s. “I know. And I don’t know when it’s going to get better. But I have a feeling this year isn’t going to be like the last.”

“You think?” Harry asked softly.

Sirius pulled back, then ruffled his hair. “Yeah kid. I do.”

*** 

Sirius hadn’t realised how rusty he was at fighting Death Eaters until he was in the thick of it. But the scene before him sent him reeling back. Tents were on fire, there were masked Death Eaters and they had Muggle bodies levitated in the air. Everyone was screaming, and Sirius felt his entire body go rigid with panic.

It was James’ arm on him that brought him back to the present. They had to act, and fast. The kids were off, taking refuge in the forest, and before anything could really happen, the Death Eaters had run and the muggles were fine.

But it didn’t help when the skull appeared in the sky. Sirius hadn’t seen it in so long. Too long. And it had always preceded a dead body.

His entire body was frantic, he and James looking everywhere for the kids because if it was one of them, if it was someone they knew…

Everyone was fine. No one had died. Apart from Crouch attempting to accuse Harry and his friends of conjuring the skull and making a right arse of himself in the process, then sacking his poor elf and making everyone wonder what the ruddy hell was actually happening, everyone was fine.

They left the area, heading straight for the Burrow, and Sirius picked up the mirror to check in with Remus. He filled his lover in as quickly as he could, and Remus looked worried.

“I could come there,” Remus said quietly. “If you need me.”

“Nah. I’m going to stay on a few days, make sure Harry gets off safely, then James and I will be your way. How’s erm…everything there?”

“Fine,” Remus said, a tiny smile playing at his lips. “Regulus is contrary as ever, and got quite good at chess. And he’s a better cook than you are—but not better than me. And I think it’ll be good to have you back. I love you, Sirius.”

“Merlin, my Moony,” Sirius breathed, wanting to reach through the mirror and just be held for a little bit. “I love you. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Soon,” Remus promised.

Sirius passed the mirror to James for a bit, then off to Harry before they said their goodnights. The teens were shuffled off to bed, and Sirius nodded to Molly an Arthur before slipping out their back door to have a smoke. He leant against the wall, hearing the scuffles and grumbles of a few gnomes, and pulled a cigarette from his pocket.

Whispering to light, he sucked in a deep drag, and as he blew it out, he felt a presence. A few moments later, one of the twins came round the corner, giving Sirius a short nod.

“Hallo.”

“Which are you?” Sirius asked.

“Does it matter?”

He barked a laugh. “Dunno, mate. It matter to you?”

Regarding him for a moment, he eventually said, “Fred.” Sirius wasn’t sure he was telling the truth, but he reckoned in the end, it was up to them to be honest.

“I’d offer you one, but your mum would have my bollocks in a jar on her window sill.”

Fred laughed and shrugged. “Not my thing. Leave that up to Charlie.” He crouched down, poking at a bush with his wand, and a moment later, a Gnome went tearing out, giggling like mad as the two wizards watched it disappear into the shrubbery. “So. Padfoot.”

Sirius chuckled. “Not going to get over that one easy, are you?” He sucked on the cigarette for a moment, then spoke thickly through the smoke. “How’d you get it, anyway? The map.”

“Nicked it from Filch’s office in our first year.”

Sirius gave him a very impressed grin. “Ha, worked that one out, mate. But Jamie and I worked on that bloody drawer for nearly two hours and we were very clever seventh years.”

Fred laughed loudly. “We didn’t use magic. We picked the lock.”

Sirius let out a low whistle. “I always knew those muggles were sodding clever. James always doubted me.” He dropped what was left of his cigarette and crushed it out. “Reckon the map knew immediately you two were up to no good.”

Fred grinned and shrugged. “It was rather…helpful.”

Sirius chuckled again. “Yeah. I’m pleased our legacy lived on.”

Getting to his feet, Fred shuffled them a little, and shoved one hand into his pocket. “S’it true that Wormtail is that Pettigrew bloke? I heard Harry telling Ron and Hermione.”

Sirius felt his cheeks go hot, and he breathed out hard. “Yeah. Yeah he is.”

Fred looked at him for a long moment. “Bad luck, mate. But three out of four ain’t bad, right?”

Sirius felt himself relax just a little, and he nodded. “Yeah. Ain’t really that bad.”

If only, he thought as Fred made his way back into the house, the odd man out hadn’t meant the death of someone he loved so much. If only, Sirius thought, the odd man out might not lead to the Dark Lord rising again.

*** 

Sirius’ eyes cracked open in the pale light of the dawn, a small groan bringing him round. Remus was on the bed, moonset having been over an hour ago, and Sirius and James had managed to ease Remus into the bed, though he was too gone for the potions straight away.

It had been a long time since Remus’ transformations were this bad, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. They couldn’t risk ordering Wolfsbane from anyone, and the stress was obviously taking its toll on both wizard and wolf. It helped, having Sirius there, but it didn’t take away the pain of Remus breaking apart and knitting together.

Remus was easing himself closer and closer to consciousness, so Sirius sat up, reaching for the essence of dittany for any of the wounds he hadn’t got to yet. There was a particularly large gash across his shoulder, and one on his chin. They would scar, but the burning liquid closed the wounds, and woke Remus fully.

His amber eyes were unfocused for a moment, then they fell on Sirius’ face and his mouth curved into a small smile. “Hey.”

Sirius almost laughed, amazed after all these years that Remus could still smile his Just For Sirius smile even after all this pain. Setting the dittany back on the nightstand, Sirius reached over and cupped Remus’ cheek, pressing a kiss to the tip of the large nose he never wanted to live without.

“How are you? Need some pain potions?”

“Mm, that would be lovely if they’re on hand.”

Sirius reached out blindly behind him, unwilling to take his eyes off Remus as he fetched the phials. Remus took them each, swallowing them down with a grimace, then Sirius banished them to the kitchen with a wave of his hand. Before cupping Remus’ face. 

“You want me to get some breakfast going?”

Remus hummed, snuggling a little closer to Sirius, drawing them chest-to-chest. “I think I’d like just this for now. Aren’t you exhausted, running all night?”

“Maybe, but what have we got to do except sleep all day. I don’t mind getting you some tea.” Sirius buried his nose in Remus’ hair, feathering kisses to the soft curls. Things had been such shit lately, and he found himself feeling like it had the first time, only now he knew where he belonged. Now he wanted to hold on to everything he thought he’d lost and the things he almost had, and hold tight.

Even to Regulus, who he had—with some dismay—realised he had forgiven almost completely.

“I really am alright for now.” Remus shifted so Sirius’ face was in the crook of his neck, and his fingers ran a gentle line up and down Sirius’ spine. “Potions are helping, thank you.”

Sirius pressed his lips to the side of Remus’ neck. “Merlin, I love you so much. You know that?”

Remus chuckled, his voice still a bit hoarse. “Reckon I do, love. After all these years, I have some idea.” He held Sirius just a little tighter. “We should sit down today and decide what we’re going to do, you know. The Tournament is going to take place soon and I know James wants to be closer to Hogwarts.”

Sirius grumbled. “I know. He’s still got the cottage in Hogsmeade, but I don’t want him there alone.”

“We can work something out. Snape wasn’t able to work out about Crookshanks, so if Regulus is keen, we could keep him there.”

Sirius huffed. “He’s already spent sixteen years as a cat. Not sure he’d anxious to go back to it.”

“Well it’s an option,” Remus said gently. He ran his fingers into Sirius’ hair, stroking along his scalp. “I don’t like where all of this is heading. The tournament, Karkaroff. The attack at the World Cup. We don’t know where Peter got to, and Bellatrix is still out there.”

Sirius let out a slow breath, winding his arm round Remus’ middle, and squeezed a bit. “I know. We’ll have to work it out somehow.”

“Listen,” Remus shifted so he could look at Sirius properly, “I think I’m going to turn myself in if Dumbledore can’t work out my registration status.”

Sirius’ entire body went ice cold. “You what?”

“I don’t want to,” Remus said stiffly. “But I can’t hide forever, and if I don’t register, I can’t work openly with the Order.”

Sirius felt his throat tight, and he swallowed against a lump there. “You realise they’re going to want to know how long you’ve been bitten. And why you didn’t turn yourself in.”

Remus nodded. “I’m going to discuss it with Albus. But it’s a possibility we need to consider.”

“I…Moony,” Sirius said, fighting back rage bubbling in his gut directed at Snape for being such a fucking petty bastard, and at Peter who had fucked it all up. Even Regulus who had chosen that moment to return to the wizarding world. “You know what that means, right? You’ll have to transform in a cage. No relief. No…no…comfort. You want to go through that again?”

“If it means I can be more helpful twenty-nine days a month, Sirius…then yes. I’m willing to sacrifice it.”

Sirius looked away, but his shoulders slumped in defeat. What else could he do, really? What other options did they have? Remus had always been the logical one, and would have gone in for Ministry-sanctioned transformations years ago if it hadn’t been for Dumbledore manipulating him and the Ministry.

“Please don’t be angry,” Remus whispered.

Sirius turned back to him, carefully cupping his face. “Remus I…” He shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts. “I am angry, I can’t help it. I want to hex Snape until he can’t see straight. I want to burn the Ministry down and rebuild something from its ashes that isn’t going to take the absolute fucking love of my _life_ and lock him in a cage once a month. I want to go back in time and tell Dumbledore to get fucked. I want to go back to the day we met on the train and throw Peter out of it. I…I’m fucking angry, Remus. But not with you. And I get it. But don’t ask me to like it.”

Remus pulled Sirius close, kissing him soft and slow before pressing their foreheads together. “I love you so much. And it’s…it’s going to be alright.”

“Don’t,” Sirius whispered. “Thing is, you don’t know it’s going to be okay. And neither do I. And maybe all these years we were living on borrowed time. We won’t know until it’s over and either we’re all dead or somehow we’ve learnt how to take down Voldemort for good. I’m scared to even think about five years from now. Hell, I’m scared to think about five months from now. We won’t make the same mistakes again, but…bloody hell Remus, I’m angry and I’m terrified.”

Remus closed his eyes, letting their breathing even out, chests rising and falling in tandem. “Alright. But I’m going to keep hoping. And I’m going to keep thinking about five years from now when Harry’s out of Hogwarts and the war is over. And we have our little cottage back and maybe…maybe we’ll have a child.”

Sirius’ eyes flew open and he met Remus’. “A child?”

Remus chuckled. “I mean…something to think about. I’ve always wanted to, you know. With you.”

Sirius felt his entire chest constrict so tight he couldn’t breathe. The idea of raising a child after losing James, Lily, and Harry had fallen by the wayside, but now…? Could they even think about that now? “After all these years, you’d still want to raise a child with me?”

Remus laughed and kissed him again, meaningful, pouring every ounce of love he could into the gesture. “Yeah, Sirius. I would. More than anything. So let me hope, okay? Let me…let me have this. I can do it for the both of us as long as I need to.”

“Okay,” Sirius breathed, and closed his eyes. The warm hands on him, the exhaustion from the night’s run, and the pressing fear of what might be eventually lulled him to sleep. But instead of the nightmares of what could go wrong, that morning he was pulled into dreams of what might be, if only they could find a way.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GOF pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the huge delay in updating. Things have been so mad (which most of you probably know). I'm going to be out of proper wifi until Monday, so trying to update as much as I can. It's not beta'd so any mistakes are mine, but I probably won't get round to fixing them any time soon.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am on cold medicine so this might be shit.
> 
> Also I chatted with a few people who reminded me this is my story and I should write it as I choose. Which is why I'm introducing this ship. It's James/Regulus (which I've recently got keen on) so if you want to abandon ship (pun intended) now, you're welcome to. It's not graphic but I'm pleased with my choice. I'll be updating tags as well.

Sirius held Remus by the waist as they stared at the flames. The windows had cracked, and the fire illuminated the slur painted across the door of their shop before it burnt away. Muggles wouldn’t know what it meant, but that didn’t matter. Snape had done more than reveal Remus’ secret. He had prevented him from ever being able to function as a normal wizard.

Just the week before, three more anti-werewolf laws were passed, the worst of which requiring all werewolves to be tattooed with a registration number. Remus’ case was still pending, Dumbledore still fighting, but it looked to be more of a losing battle.

“It’s going to be alright,” Sirius murmured in Remus’ ear.

He wasn’t entirely sure he meant it, though. Things were spiralling out of control and Sirius felt like although he had James, Harry, and now Regulus back in his life, it was somehow worse. They’d just been informed the Goblet of Fire had been charmed by some witch or wizard, and Harry was performing in the Tri-Wizard Tournament. James had gone down, wand blazing, ready to tear the school to bits.

In the end he’d come home defeated because there was nothing he could do. The goblet was a binding magical contract. Bagman had attempted—though in James’ opinion in the most dodgy way—to have Harry disqualified seeing as it was under an unnamed fourth school, but he was unsuccessful.

James had declared his intent to return to Hogsmeade, and he was quite clear he didn’t care if Remus or Sirius came along.

In the end it was Regulus who joined James, mostly in the form of his animagus to avoid being seen. They knew Snape would have eyes everywhere, and would still be pushing for Regulus’ arrest and Remus’ registration.

Until now, the only people Sirius had ever truly wished dead were his parents. Even when Snape had come at them in school. But he was quickly starting to feel violent hatred burning in his blood.

They watched everything they had ever worked for, the shop which had kept them sane for all the years they thought their only family had died, now burning to the ground.

And it was Snape’s fault.

“Let’s go,” Remus murmured. “Our Portkey is about to expire.” He took Sirius’ hand, and as they were tugged through the magical vortex, landing in a heap on their doorstep, Sirius held on to his lover tight.

“I’m going to make tea,” Sirius said. “Go have a bath, wash off the smoke smell. I’ll send an owl to Albus.”

Remus sighed, but didn’t look like he had it in him to argue. Sirius put the kettle on the muggle way, needing time to sort out his head, then he went to the desk. Taking up a quill, he stared at the parchment, but in the end reached for the mirror and tapped it, activating the charm.

There was a long moment before a bleary-eyed James looked in. “Pads? What’s wrong?”

“The shop burnt,” Sirius said, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Our…our shop. Someone wrote—wrote werewolf propaganda across the door, then bashed in the windows and set it ablaze. I…we’re letting the muggles sort it. We’ve muggle caretakers of the property since Remus can’t really be seen in public right now.”

James’ eyes were dark and furious, and Sirius heard something—bit like a fist hitting the wall. “Fuck,” James cursed. “Sirius, I want you both here. Please. Harry’s about to take on the first task and I don’t… I don’t want to bear this alone. Remus can keep inside, we’ll put up disillusionment charms. We can connect the floo to the cottage. Please,” he begged.

Sirius knew he wasn’t going to say no, and he knew Remus wouldn’t want to. “Yeah, alright. We’ll be there before the first task, I swear.” Just then there was an owl at the window, and Sirius turned. “I have to go. But I’ll call you here soon, okay?”

“Alright. Love you, and to Remus.”

The mirror went dark, and Sirius hurried over to the window. He was momentarily surprised to see Harry’s snowy white, Hedwig, flapping outside. But he quickly let her in, fetching a bit of water as she deposited the letter on the desk.

Sirius let her perch, stroking her feathers as he opened Harry’s letter, read it, and sighed. Harry was stressed, and James wasn’t offering much help in the matter. He’d attempted to speak to his dad not only about his fears regarding the Goblet, but also he and his mate Ron had a falling out which left him feeling more alone than ever. He needed support, and Sirius aimed to give him some.

Quickly penning back a reply, he asked Harry to be in his common room at midnight on the twenty-second. He knew a charm which would open up the fire in Gryffindor Tower—he’d used it back at school a few times when Remus had to stay back for the holidays because of the moon. He reckoned it would still, work, and although he wanted nothing more than to storm the castle and actually see his godson, this would have to do.

Hedwig took the letter, and just as she flew off, Remus appeared.

“Was that an owl?”

Sirius nodded. “From Harry. He’s…well doing as well as we can expect, but he’s struggling.”

Remus’ face was drawn, and although he didn’t protest when Sirius drew him near, he didn’t return the hug beyond pushing his face into the crook of Sirius’ neck. “M’tired.”

“I know,” Sirius said, stroking his curls gently. “Me too.”

“You speak with James?”

“Wants us in Hogsmeade.”

“Reckoned so. It’ll be tricky for me but it’s the least I can do. I can use the shack during the moons.”

Sirius pressed several kisses to Remus’ temple, then pinched his chin and forced his lover to look up. “I love you. And it’s…we’re going to get through this. Okay? We’re together and we learnt from our past mistakes.”

Remus’ eyes closed and he nodded. “You know what I’ll have to do though, if he asks me.”

“He wouldn’t be stupid enough to ask that of you again. Not after you were outed. He can’t expect them not to remember,” Sirius said, his voice a low growl. “And I will not allow…”

“You’ll allow it, so long as it means me not registering,” Remus reminded him.

Sirius felt his heart clench and he moved his hand from Remus’ chin to his cheek. “Then we kidnap James and Harry and escape to America and let Albus deal with it. Britain can fucking burn for all I care.”

Remus laughed and kissed Sirius gently before pulling him along to the bed. “You know you don’t mean that,” Remus chided as he pulled back their duvet.

Sirius huffed, but nuzzled down. “I do. I fucking mean every word if it means I get you and James and Harry all to myself.”

“And Reg?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I suppose so. If he’s not a git about it.”

“One would think you’re still a sullen teenager dealing with sibling rivaly,” Remus murmured against Sirius. “Let’s get some sleep. Obviously we have a lot to deal with, and we need to tell Albus we’re moving.”

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed. He didn’t want to, but he knew there was no choice.

*** 

They arrived with a flourish, and unfortunately Sirius was poorly. He’d had a hefty dose of pepper-up, but it made him loopy and Remus immediately sent him to bed the moment they were in. There was no sign of Regulus, who was probably in his cat form somewhere, so Remus and James settled in the lounge, both holding tea and sitting pressed together for the comfort.

It was cold, the first snow having fallen already, and the cottage was draughty. James was all sighs, Remus noticed, and he smiled at his friend. “Is that for the situation? Or has Reg been really awful?”

James smiled, his head shaking. “No, actually. He’s…a bit sad, I think. Confused more often than not. I mean, he lived for so many years in his animagus form, so human stuff is still pretty foreign to him. When he doesn’t sleep as a cat he has nightmares.”

Remus’ brow furrowed. “About what?”

“The Dark Lord, mostly,” James said, glancing round the empty lounge. “The cave. He…he told me a little bit about what he did. None of the specifics—Dumbledore still has him under orders to keep it quiet. But he did something that nearly killed him. He was quite certain he was going to die and whatever happened…” James trailed off and shook his head. “He’s got scars.”

There was something in James’ tone that told Remus his friend was really hurting for everyone around him, and Remus felt his heart aching because there was nothing they could do to stop it. They’d all suffered so much. “Well he’s here now. With us.”

James nodded. “I…I feel bad. I keep thinking, what if we’d made an effort at school. Before Reg started hanging round Snape. Or any of those others. If we’d shown him even a shred of kindness and acceptance? Why was I such a fucking prat at school?”

“James Potter,” came a quiet voice, and Regulus suddenly stepped into the room looking a bit weathered from hiding. “You are not the bloody saviour of the world.”

“No,” Remus said in a wry tone, “that’s his son.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, looking decidedly like Sirius as he crossed the room and boldly took a seat next to James on the sofa. He went so far as to steal James’ mug of tea and sipped from it. It was odd to see him acting with an air of familiarity Remus had missed out on since Regulus and James had gone, but it was also nice.

“The both of you can sod off,” James said, and elbowed Reg, then Remus.

“Well point if it is, what happened, happened.” Regulus passed the tea back, then ran fingers through is hair which was now clipped and styled neatly—bit long on top, and short round the sides. “If I hadn’t been so fucking stupid, I’d never have learnt the secret which might actually bring down that bastard.”

“He’s right,” Remus said. “We were all idiots back then. We were teenagers fighting an adult war, even before we left school. We learnt and we’ve grown and…” He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

Reg gave him a careful look, then nodded. “I heard your shop burnt.”

Remus winced, then shrugged. “It did. Anti-werewolf shite. It’s fine. Muggle authorities took care of it and our caretaker will sort it. There’s more important things to do now.”

“I’m sorry all the same,” the younger Black said. “Severus was always such a fucking petty bastard and there was a part of me which knew he’d carry on his grudge long into his life. I had just hoped he’d be far away from the people he could hurt when it was all over.”

Remus leant his head on James’ shoulder, and smiled when his best friend’s arm came round him. “It is what it is,” he said, repeating his earlier words. “We’re here now.”

There was a very quiet voice to the right of James. “That we are.”

*** 

The twenty second came quickly, and Remus caught Sirius sneaking out of the bed just before midnight. Sirius looked put out only for a moment, but eventually beckoned Remus along to the lounge where he set up several silencing charms to muffle the noise.

“What are you doing?” Remus asked, curling his feet under him as he sat on the sofa.

“I’m going to place a fire call to Harry. He asked if we could chat, and I still have that charm to open up the fire to Gryffindor Tower.”

Remus looked mildly impressed as he watched his lover link their own fire with that in Gryffindor. The flames burnt bright red, then green, and the glow went from burning hot to a soft warmth as Sirius put his face in. Remus felt the pulse of magic, then the quiet, muffled sounds of Sirius’ voice as he began to chat with his godson.

Remus wished he could join in, but he wanted to give Sirius something to focus on that wasn’t the rising dark powers. Things were so tense, and there was no telling what was going to happen with this tournament looming. The only comfort Remus had was the return of Moody, teaching the Defence post. Moody had been one of Dumbledore’s fiercest allies in the war, and had been instrumental in training both James and Sirius when they left school.

Remus didn’t feel completely confident, but it was a little better. 

It was something.

The chat went on for a while, before Sirius ripped his head back looking almost panicked. He took a breath, then sighed as the charm faded. “He was nearly caught. I knew it was risky but…”

“Don’t stress about it,” Remus said, patting the cushion next to him. Sirius smiled, then crawled up, letting himself burrow into Remus’ waiting arms. “How is he?”

“Bloody terrified. Apparently the first task is Dragons.”

Remus blinked. “Dragons. I can’t even begin to know what that means.”

“I assume they’re going to have to face it in some capacity,” Sirius said with a shrug. “Arthur’s kid is there with them. Charlie. I don’t think the students will be in specific mortal danger but…” Sirius sighed. “He wanted advice but I had none, really.”

“Conjunctivitis curse,” Remus offered. “Blind it, get past it. It would make it furious but…”

“That’s a brilliant idea. He’s not supposed to get help but considering he’s only fourteen and shoved into a tournament against his will…” Sirius trailed off and sighed. He closed his eyes when Remus began to pet his hair, and let out a small hum. “I miss how things used to be, Moons.”

Remus looked down at Sirius’ profile and saw the gentle frown marring his features. “Before the war?”

Sirius let out a bitter laugh. “We were blissfully unaware of it, but there was always a war. But I just meant when we were free to move about on our own. When we weren’t waiting for the next owl from Dumbledore sending us off on some mad chase. When I could just shove you against the wall and take you at my leisure. It feels like we can have one or the other—people we love or an easy life and it’s…cruel.”

“It is,” Remus said. He lifted Sirius by the chin then kissed him long and slow. He slipped his tongue into Sirius’ mouth, a gentle caress, but with just enough heat to remind Sirius they weren’t losing anything. “I love you,” he breathed.

Sirius pressed his face into the crook of Remus’ neck. “I love you too. And m’sorry.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, love,” Remus assured him.

*** 

The first task came up faster than planned. Sirius had arranged with Dumbledore for Polyjuice potion for Remus so he could attend, and though he couldn’t look like he was close to either James or Sirius, having him there was important.

Regulus showed up as well, as Crookshanks, though he sat far from the stadium, crouched under the benches so no one would notice he was there. Sirius noticed the closeness between James and Regulus growing—and whilst he wanted to be annoyed by it, secretly he was grateful. James seemed a bit lighter for it, and Regulus more human.

It made him wonder what it would have been like if Regulus had come to them sooner, but there was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs like that.

Sat in the stands, he glanced over at Remus. It was strange to see a foreign person knowing his lover was inside, but soon enough he wouldn’t focus on that.

Soon enough he was watching teenagers attempt to get past dragons.

The entire experience was harrowing and gut-wrenching. The Beauxbatons and Durmstrang champions were impressive, and even Diggory had skills in spite of the violent burn he received. 

And then came Harry who looked ill and terrified, and Sirius wanted to rush the stands. In all honesty, it was holding James’ hand tight that kept them both grounded.

Harry, for his part, was crouched behind a rock with his wand in the air, and it seemed like no one knew what he was up to. Until James realised it and sucked in his breath. “He’s using a summoning charm,” he hissed to Sirius. “His broom. He’s going to fly.”

“That clever fucking little wizard,” Sirius whispered just so he wouldn’t scream it.

Before long, the firebolt came hurtling round the corner and into Harry’s hand.

He was quickest to get his egg, and suffered the least damage to his person. 

For the moment, the short, agonising moment before the next task was revealed, Sirius felt safe.

*** 

Harry recounted every single detail a few weekends later during their Hogsmeade trip. They were sat in the cottage, Harry, Hermione—and Ron now that he and Harry were talking again. Regulus, Remus, James, and Sirius had prepared a small feast for them, and all of them were enjoying the harrowing tale of Harry’s dragon slaying.

Or so Ron was calling it in spite of Hermione’s eye rolls.

For the most part it was good, though Hermione kept giving Reg strange looks, and eventually James noticed and started laughing. “He’s not actually a cat. He’s an animagus.”

Hermione looked embarrassed and she glanced away. “I know _that_. It’s just…strange.”

Reg went a bit pink in the cheeks as Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. “Because he slept in your dorm and curled up on your lap. Hermione, don’t let it get to you, alright? I’ve spent plenty a night as a dog fetching sticks that Remus throws for me.”

Remus laughed loudly, shaking his head. “Yes, but no one is remotely surprised in your doggy behaviour, Sirius.”

“S’true,” James said. “He ought to keep it permanent. Much better to deal with.”

“Sod you all,” Sirius muttered, and it received a laugh.

They were relaxed. Sirius had a profound moment realising that this is what it should be like. And it wasn’t. This was a mild reprieve from the terrors that loomed just beyond the horizon.

A little while later, the kids were getting ready to head back to the castle. Ron and Hermione were in the lounge chatting with James, Remus had wandered off, and Sirius found Harry in the kitchen talking quietly with Regulus.

“…which saved my arse.” Harry paused. “Sorry. I mean…my life. Whatever. I just can’t believe you gave it to me.”

Regulus looked a bit uncomfortable with the teen’s words, but in a way Sirius had seen before when they were kids and Regulus had received unexpected praise. “It was nothing, really. I should have thought before I sent it anonymous, of course.”

Harry gave a bright, happy laugh, then surprised Regulus who let out a small noise when the teen threw his arms round him and hugged him. “I mean we’re family, right?” Harry said as Regulus attempted an awkward hug back.

“I…” Reg cleared his throat, then looked up and noticed Sirius stood there watching the whole scene, and his face went pink again. “Yeah. Sure. Anyway I think your mates are waiting on you.”

Harry grinned, turning and throwing his arms round Sirius who lifted the still-shorter teen off his feet a bit before plonking him back down. “Get to the castle safe, alright?”

Harry nodded. “Course. I’ll come and see you next Hogsmeade weekend.”

“Absolutely.” Sirius ruffled the boy’s hair. “And work on that egg!”

Harry rolled his eyes and hurried off with his friends as Sirius turned back toward his brother.

Reg was scowling into his glass of firewhiskey. “Don’t.”

“I didn’t say a word,” Sirius said, unable to hide his grin. It was a bit ridiculous, the way it made him so happy to finally have what he’d wanted the moment his brother was sorted into Slytherin.

“I know what you’re thinking and don’t,” Reg said. He took a long swallow, then offered the bottle to Sirius who poured a dollop into his tea. “He’s a good kid, though.”

“That he is,” Sirius said, leaning his elbow on the table. “A very good kid. I’m…this whole thing is fucking mad, but I think he’ll be alright.”

“Bloody good show with the broom,” Reg said. “I didn’t think of it.”

“None of us did. He mentioned Moody gave him a bit of help, which surprised me. Alastor’s such a fucking stickler for the rules.”

Reg shrugged. “Probably on Dumbledore’s orders. Which reminds me, he’s asked me to see him on Sunday for some…mission.”

Sirius’ blood ran cold. “You don’t have to,” he blurted. “You don’t have to do anything he tells you.”

“I do,” Regulus reminded him. “I’m not in Azkaban by his grace alone. My animagus form is just as illegal as yours is, and I was a Death Eater. My one move against the Dark Lord doesn’t absolve any of my crimes.”

Sirius winced, but couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and putting his hand on Reg’s wrist. “I just got you back, you stupid idiot.”

Reg flinched, but didn’t pull away. “I know,” he admitted quietly. “But there’s…he needs something. That only I can get and…” He took a breath. “It’s dangerous but I don’t think anyone knows about Crookshanks yet. I should be back before the next task.”

Sirius felt his insides burning like fire and he wanted to just grab his brother and refuse to let him go. But he reminded himself it likely wouldn’t be long before they were all being sent on missions. Secret, relationship-destroying missions. Possibly ones that would send them home in pieces if they didn’t catch Pettigrew, and if the rumours about Voldemort’s rising were true.

“Just…stay safe. Please. That mad bitch is still out there.” He knew Regulus would know exactly to whom he was referring. Bellatrix and her husband remained on the loose and it was only a matter of time before she made herself known.

“I’ll do my best. I didn’t hide that many years only to rush off and get myself killed, you know,” Reg pointed out.

Sirius chanced a tense, not-quite-there smile. “I know. I…It’s just we’ve got things right finally.”

“Mostly right,” Regulus said with a tiny smirk and Sirius rolled his eyes. “But I swear I’ll keep safe.”

*** 

Before Regulus went off, Sirius gave him a mirror, charmed with the spell James had used on his. It was connected to both of theirs, and he shrunk it, hiding it in his pocket. James felt better about Reg leaving once he knew he could communicate with them, but the entire house was nervous about Dumbledore sending anyone on any mission.

It meant it was starting.

It meant people would be dying again.

Sirius said goodbye to his brother, and did notice the lingering goodbye between him and Regulus, but decided for the moment he wouldn’t think on it. There was too much going on now. He held Remus tight as they watched the man transform into the ginger cat, and then buried his face in his lover’s neck.

“He’ll come back alright, Pads. I promise.”

Sirius nodded, but knew that deep down, from now on, he would always worry.

*** 

The weeks passed, and Harry’s visits were infrequent and he didn’t say much regarding his progress on the task. All three offered their help, but the boy declined, and was a bit more moody than not. Remus assumed his godson was dealing with the pressure the Prophet was putting on him, as the articles about the boy grew more wild every day.

There was the Yule Ball which Harry was forced to attend, and he spoke at length to his godfathers about it just before he had to go. “I…want to ask someone. But I don’t know how.”

Sirius lifted a brow. “Ah. Well…I don’t think it’s more complicated than just walking straight up to them and just…asking.”

Harry dragged a hand down his face as he fiddled with an untouched sugar quill on the table. “Well okay the thing is…there’s two people and I erm…I’m not sure who to ask. And I thought you two could…” Harry cleared his throat. “One of them is a bloke,” he murmured.

“Cedric?” Remus asked with a small grin.

Sirius’ eyes widened as Harry nodded, and he turned to his lover. “You knew?”

“I suspected,” Remus admitted. “And for what it’s worth, I do think he’s keen on you, Harry. But maybe a bit old.”

Harry bit down on his bottom lip. “I’ve just never…fancied anyone before. But now there’s two people and I’m not even sure either one would be interested.”

“Well the yule ball is soon,” Sirius reminded him. “You’d best get to it before they’ve gone and asked someone else.”

Harry groaned. “Well thanks, you both. That was literally no help at all.”

Remus laughed, patting Harry on the shoulder. “Love’s always shite, you know. I bottled it up for ages and it took Sirius getting pissed and your mum actually smacking him round the head a bit for him to realise what he felt.”

Harry sighed. “So just…just ask? Just walk up and say, ‘Oy Ced, you want to go to the ball with me?’ I don’t think there are loads of boys taking other boys. Just Dean and Seamus. You think people will take the piss?”

“Yes,” Sirius said. “But not for that, you know. When you date, people just…take the piss. Your dad gave us endless amounts of shit for being idiots about love.”

Harry groaned. “Oh god, he’s going to do the same to me, isn’t he? If I get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I’m fucking doomed.”

“Yes,” Sirius said with a nod. “You really are.”

*** 

They found out quite a while after the ball Harry was unsuccessful with both objects of his affection who ended up taking each other to the ball instead of Harry. He had a date, but the night was a disaster as apparently Krum took Hermione which resulted in Ron deciding she was now the enemy.

Sirius was reminded how pleased he was that his teenage drama years were over—no matter how often Remus and James accused him of still being his seventeen year old self.

But Harry’s drama took the edge off the fact that the holidays had passed and Reg hadn’t returned. Dumbledore assured them the younger Black was fine, just sorting out some business for the Order, and was in contact with him. Sirius didn’t feel much better about it, but the second task was approaching and there was no telling what it was.

It turned out, they learnt, it was a rescue from the Black Lake.

The whole thing was rather anti-climactic as Harry had used Gillyweed to dive, and returned not long after with both Ron and the Beauxbaton champion’s sister. It earnt him second place, and from the look on Karkaroff’s face, Sirius knew Harry might be in bigger danger.

In spite of how often they went to Dumbledore about having Karkaroff there—along with Snape who Sirius was convinced had never truly left his loyalties to Voldemort behind—they were assured everything was fine.

In spite of the fact that Harry was in constant danger.

But before the third task, Regulus finally arrived back with strict orders not to say a word, but looking no worse for the wear.

He returned on a full moon night, so James offered to stay with him as Sirius and Remus made their way to the shack, and it was then Sirius posed the question as the pair of them huddled in the top room, waiting for moonrise.

“D’you think there’s something between Regulus and James?”

Remus blinked, then let out a pained laugh. “Ah. You noticed as well?”

Sirius felt his face heat up. “I just…there are looks and touches and Reg opened up to James far more than he did either of us.”

“Does it bother you?” Remus asked. He winced as pain wracked through his body, but moonrise was still nearly an hour away.

Sirius reached out, running a soothing hand up and down Remus’ naked back as he huddled under a blanket. “Yes. No. I don’t…I don’t know. It’s weird. James was gone on Evans for so long, and I mean we were close but he never seemed interested.”

“I think,” Remus said slowly, “James isn’t straight or…not straight. I think James falls in love with people he connects to. And I can see it between them. Reg is like Lily in a way.”

Sirius laughed. “I can’t imagine what Lily might have said if she’d heard that.”

“I don’t think she’d mind. She was a prefect with us. She and Reg got on okay during those meetings.”

Sirius blinked. “You never told me that.”

“Didn’t want to upset you. Things weren’t great at the time.” Remus winced again, and leant into Sirius’ shoulder. “Let him come to us about it, though. I think he’s…scared. In a way. Of falling in love again.”

“Can’t blame him,” Sirius muttered. “If anything happened to you, my heart would wither.”

Remus laughed, the sound hoarse, and he turned his head to kiss Sirius. “I’d call you an idiot, but the same goes for me. I’m forever yours.”

*** 

James didn’t speak a word, but it became obvious he and Regulus’ relationship went beyond casual. It was like watching a teen romance—quiet, casual touches, catching them sat on the sofa with James’ arm round him. 

The pair looked at Sirius and Remus challengingly, but the couple decided to just let it be. James would tell them when he was ready—when he was ready to tell them and Harry. For now there was so much more and Sirius knew soon enough there would be curses flying from their wands and blood on their hands.

If James chose to fall in love in wartime again—Sirius couldn’t blame him. Comfort was comfort, and people deserved to be happy no matter what the future had in store for them.

For now, they lived.

The third task was looming and Harry was getting more agitated as it went by. His feud with the Malfoy boy had increased, and his chatter about Cedric had all-but disappeared which meant the other teen was likely still dating the second object of Harry’s affection.

It was rough, but there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

Harry brought it to the table one evening, as Sirius and him enjoyed some cocoa on the last Hogsmeade trip just before the third and final task.

“Ron and Hermione are still at odds. He obviously fancies her, and she’s taken with Krum—who isn’t all that bad, you know?” Harry said. “It’s so stupid. Ron was such a massive fan and now suddenly Krum’s the enemy.”

Sirius gave him a sympathetic smile. “And your fancy?”

“He’s…I dunno. He flirts sometimes,” Harry said. “But he’s dating Cho and I don’t think he’s keen on anything more with me.”

“Well you never know in the end. There was a time the idea of me fancying Remus would have been laughable. But growing up has a way of changing all of that.”

Harry sighed, then glanced into the lounge where James and Regulus were playing a game of snap. “Like them.”

Sirius choked on his swallow of tea. “I dunno what you mean.”

“I’m fourteen, I’m not actually daft,” Harry replied, rolling his eyes. “And he acts like a twitchy bastard when I bring it up, too.”

Sirius raised his brows. “You brought it up to your dad?”

“Yeah. He had to come up to the castle last week to see Dumbledore and we had lunch. I told him I knew and he just kind of like choked on his own tongue and said something about birds and bees, and bees and bees and how things are something and I don’t know what. Then he turned a sort of funny puce colour and wandered off.”

Sirius laughed hard, covering the sound with the side of his fist. “Kid, you need to wait until I’m there to see these things. That’s brilliant.”

Harry rolled his eyes, but grinned. “Yeah well, I reckon there will be plenty more times before he just comes right out and says, ‘Harry, here’s your new step-parent.’ Or whatever. Could be worse, you know. He could’ve got some flighty person from like…the Ministry or something.”

Sirius pulled a face. “James Potter would never. Believe me. At school it was your mum and no one else. I mean alright, a few snogs but…”

“Okay gross and stop,” Harry said, holding out a hand. “I’m cool with whatever, but I don’t want to think about my dad snogging.”

“Fair enough. Just know your dad doesn’t fall in love easily. So if it is…it is.”

“And it’s not weird for you?” Harry asked.

“It’s the bloody weirdest thing ever,” Sirius admitted. “But I’ve decided I don’t care so long as he’s happy.”

“Which one?”

Sirius cuffed Harry upside the head. “Both, obviously. I love them both.”

Harry grinned. “Alright well…I’m cool with it too, you know. I mean…he gave me a firebolt after all.”

Sirius grinned. “Harry, without a bloody doubt, you are your father’s son.”

*** 

Things seemed too light. Too easy.

Remus should have been prepared for what was to come.

Moody had prepared Harry for the third task, and all should have been well.

Harry should not have returned from the middle of the maze clutching the cup, a dead body, and covered in blood. But there he was, sobbing and shaking and holding the corpse of Cedric Diggory.

James was tearing through the crowd, Remus at his heels, Sirius close behind. But by the time they got there, Harry had been carted off.

“Where the hell is he?” James bellowed.

“Moody took him,” Minerva said.

Sirius’ eyes widened, and he turned to James. “Moody wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t have removed him from everyone like that. Something’s wrong.”

Dumbledore was alerted, and they began a vicious search.

Harry was in the castle, it turned out. In Moody’s quarters. Only it wasn’t moody. Dumbledore had the situation under control, and before long they found Alastor trapped in a trunk, and Bartemius Crouch Jr was being carted off for the Dementor’s Kiss. 

The only real problem was with the loss of Crouch’s soul, also came the loss of Harry’s proof that Pettigrew was alive and Voldemort had risen.

James was shaking, holding Harry tight and refusing to let go as the events unfolded. Sirius was in a rage, demanding to know how Dumbledore hadn’t seen the Death Eater was not the real Moody. “How could you be so blind!” he roared. “A child is dead and Voldemort is back!”

Dumbledore took it all in stride, but as he sent Harry off to the hospital wing to be treated and given a Dreamless Sleep, he pulled them all aside. “I would like you to bring Regulus Black here. It’s time to tell you what I know.”

James had gone off with Harry, so Remus went back to the cottage, returning not ten minutes later. When James arrived back in the office, Dumbledore told them the truth.

About the Horcruxes, about Regulus discovering them, his narrow escape from the inferi. That bit got James up, an arm round Regulus who didn’t bother with hiding the affection anymore. 

Then he got to the bit that made Sirius see red.

“We’re using Grimmauld Place as Headquarters.”

“No,” Sirius said. “You’re out of your fucking mind.”

“We’ve already set it up. Regulus has transferred ownership of the property to me for the time being. It’s being placed under a modified fidelius charm, and I will be recalling the Order post haste. We’re no closer to finding all the Horcruxes than we were months ago, and I believe he’s got a weapon he didn’t possess last time.”

“Which is?” Sirius demanded.

“I cannot say for now.”

“Abus…” Sirius began, but Remus silenced him with a hand on his arm.

“We will begin covert missions soon. All of you. We need to arrange for alternate care where Harry is concerned. At least for the start of the summer hols.” When James started to protest, Albus held up a hand. “If you want him to survive this, I need you to listen to me.”

James’ jaw went tense and he stepped even closer to Regulus. “Fine. I…fine.”

“It won’t be forever. Not even for the full summer. Just until I can ensure he will be safe,” Dumbledore insisted.”

They were dismissed shortly after, and back at the cottage, Reg disappeared for a bit. Sirius realised what it was for, and quickly took James between him and Remus. “It’s going to be alright.”

“Is it?” James asked bitterly, burying his face in Sirius’ neck as Remus brushed back his messy locks. “He…I…”

“We’re not going to let anything happen to you again,” Remus promised, his tone fierce. “I swear.”

James let out a watery laugh. “My son witnessed his friend murdered and was nearly killed himself by Voldemort. By the grace of…I don’t even know what miracle, he wasn’t. And I…I’ve come too close to losing him year after year.”

Sirius held him tight. “So we try harder. We don’t give up.”

James closed his eyes and let out a shaking breath. “Tell me the Universe isn’t just attempting to steal him from me, make up for the fact that we didn’t die the first time round.”

“I don’t give a fuck if it is,” Sirius said fiercely. “James Potter, you and Harry are my family. So fuck Dumbledore, and fuck the Universe. You’re getting out of this alive.”

James let out another breath, then loosened his hold. “I love you. Both of you.”

“We know,” Remus said. “And that’s why it’s going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: Order of the Phoenix.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Order of the Phoenix part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no Wi-Fi over the weekend so amidst my unpacking I wrote the first part of OotP.
> 
> Likely from here on, the story is going to diverge from canon quite a bit since it's going to be told from the PoV of Remus, Sirius, or James. Also as a reminder, end-game is Drarry so I'll be introducing more of the Draco/Harry element probably in the next two chapters.

James ignored the screeching, and the House Elf heads that he swore were magicked to stare as he crept up the stairs. He’d seen the black-haired man sneak up as Molly was attempting to overtake the Order meeting, and James was done listening.

He’d been dragged back into the wizarding world kicking and screaming—however metaphorical—and now he’d lost his son, even if it was only for a few weeks, and he’d lost control. He could see both Black brother slipping at the thought of being shuffled back into their childhood home. Regulus had been the “good” brother, but it didn’t mean he hadn’t suffered. He knew Regulus had taken the brunt of his mother’s rage when Walburga couldn’t bully Sirius into being the son she wanted him to be.

Bowing his head, James crossed the corridor and saw the name plaque on the bedroom door which was now shut. R.A.B.

He couldn’t begin to wonder what it was like for Sirius or Regulus to grow up here. Like this. A lot of things made sense, but James had a hard time reconciling his own, very spoilt childhood with Sirius’ one of dark magic and neglect. He’d taken so much for granted. He’d loved Sirius and wanted to protect him, but he’d never looked close enough.

His heart was aching now.

He reached out, hand pressed to the door and he could feel magic. Regulus had cast wards, but as he pushed, they gave way. The door gave a loud creak, and James stepped in. Regulus was at the window, wearing dark robes, hands clutched tight round his middle like if he held on to himself hard enough, the past couldn’t hurt him.

James took a brief moment to wonder how all this happened. How one night of drinking whiskey-laced tea and letting Regulus open up about his nightmares, about nearly dying at the magic of the Dark Lord before his House Elf disobeyed orders and apparated him out of the hands of the Inferi who were dragging him under the water. The Elf had literally taken him from the grip of death. He’d been in the water, knowing that this was it. That it was all over and the Dark Lord had won that battle.

Then he was coughing up lungfuls of water on his kitchen floor with a sobbing Kreacher holding the locket.

Regulus had just enough time to Order the Elf to hide it before he transformed into a cat and wasn’t seen again. Not by any human.

He watched his mother mourn his death. He watched from the window as Remus got the Post-Mortem letter. He watched weeks later as Sirius read it, and fought with his boyfriend, and ended things.

Somehow Regulus—stalwart and even more closed off than Sirius had ever been—cried. He leant his forehead against James’ shoulder and cried. James held him. Then kissed his cheek like he’d done for Sirius all those years ago. But the chaste kiss moved as Regulus’ head did. And James was undone by the needy whimper.

James hadn’t felt anything like this since Lily. And part of his heart rebelled, like he was betraying her. But he couldn’t help it. Something about Regulus touched something inside him. This desire to love him and cup his hands around him to protect him from anything else hurting him.

And Regulus gave himself so willingly, clinging so hard.

James was his first. And, he whispered that first night together in bed in the quiet cottage, “I want you to be my last.”

James was gone for him.

As gone as he’d ever been for Lily, and he wanted to believe she would have approved.

Hell, he knew she would have. She was Lily. She deserved so much more than she’d ever got. But those short years he had her, those would be the most treasured.

Now, however, he had this.

He came up behind Regulus and put his arms round him tight. Resting his chin on the shorter man’s shoulder, James pressed a slow kiss to his pale cheek. “Alright, love?”

Regulus let out a very quiet sigh and didn’t respond, but he did put his hands over James’ and hold the taller man’s arms tighter to his body. They were stood at the window, looking out over the streets of London knowing not a soul could see them now.

Down below, two figures emerged. Sirius and Remus. They’d gone on patrol for the night, Sirius desperate to be out of Grimmauld place as often as he could. It would be weeks before they could see Harry, and Regulus, Remus, and Sirius were the only thing keeping James from losing it.

Dumbledore insisted they had plenty of guard posted on Privet Drive, but James didn’t trust him. There was something else happening, something darker. Dumbledore wouldn’t say, however, and it was scaring James. Dumbledore knew something.

“We cannot let Harry know anything. That is of the utmost importance. It’s for security as much as his own peace of mind.”

James blinked. “Security? Surely you don’t think…”

“I do not think he willingly gives information to the Dark Lord. However I fear that with the protection Lily gave him, it also created something more. I cannot be certain, and I just need you to trust me.”

James wanted to leap over the old man’s desk and take him by the throat, shouting ,”I did trust you, and my wife died!”

But he didn’t. Instead he turned away and followed the sodding rules because if he didn’t, what would happen? They couldn’t hide, really. Dumbledore had them all by the bollocks.

With a sigh, James nuzzled his face into Regulus, neck, nosing at the warm skin and he felt Regulus give a silent chuckle at the affection. It took the younger Black time to get used to James’ brand of affection. Sirius was still so young when James barrelled into his life and began his overwhelming physical presence in Sirius’ life. Regulus, however, had been isolated for so much of his that often he was overcome by it and James had to remember to give him space.

Right now, though, neither of them wanted it. Regulus held him tighter as they watched Sirius and Remus disappear through the wards. They heard the tell-tale screech of Mrs Black cursing her traitor of a son as Sirius and Remus made their way into the kitchen were Molly was likely fixing supper.

They could hear the Weasley children banging about, funny smells coming off the room Fred and George were occupying and creating whatever brilliant pranks they were getting up to. They could hear Ron and Hermione rowing because Harry was not there and their letters could only hold so much information.

It was like it was before.

It was war.

Voldemort was back. Harry had watched the madman murder his friend, and nearly kill him.

Just before Harry was sent off to Lily’s awful relatives, Harry confessed to James he’d seen her. The image of her, ripped from Voldemort’s wand and James—for the first time since Harry was a baby—cried in front of him. His knees went weak, and he hit the floor, and he wept.

Harry comforted him and they talked. He spent the next several hours telling story after story of Lily. How she’d humiliated him in school, but then had become his friend, and had warmed to him. He told the story of their wedding. How she’d been the most beautiful person he’d ever seen in his life. And how the day she told him she was pregnant he panicked only because he knew she could handle it, but he didn’t think he was up to scratch.

“I always knew it was wrong, you know? That you get stuck with the worse parent.”

Harry only laughed and hugged his dad tighter. “I couldn’t imagine growing up without you, you know.”

It all hurt, but it felt good to get it out. To be able to tell Harry everything about her that he should have years ago, and failed to. But he sent his boy off with better memories and something to occupy him. Only now Harry was alone and facing the grief of losing Cedric by himself without the people who loved him.

He was with people who hated him.

The unfairness was like a fire slowly burning him alive from the inside out.

It was only his family—his chosen family here—that kept him together.

“James?”

Blinking in surprise, James turned Regulus in his arms, pushed him against the window, and cupped his face. “Getting all melancholy again.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, but closed his slender fingers round James’ wrists. “I can tell. Isn’t that my job?”

“Well you are a Black son, after all,” James said with a wry grin.

When Regulus rolled his eyes once more, James hauled forward and kissed him firm, deep, needy. Regulus let out a small groan, his hands moving to the front of James’ robes and he tugged on them. James felt himself stiffen with want, pushing his hips hard against Regulus’ and he was rewarded by a tiny gasp.

So unused to it, so self-conscious, Regulus was a quiet lover. He bit down on his knuckles to stifle his moans, and it was only by the burning red of his cheeks and rough voice after did James know just how much he enjoyed it.

But he was learning to read his lover better. Twisting him toward the unused bed, James muttered a quick spell to banish all the dust before he set his wand aside and lowered Regulus to the pillows. “Bet you had a lot of wanks in here.”

Regulus shoved James’ robes up, slipping his hand into the taller man’s pants and curled his fingers round his hardness. “Unfortunately decapitated House Elves and mad parents weren’t very conducive to wet dreams,” Reg muttered, stroking lightly.

James hissed, arching his hips into Regulus’ hands. “Fuck. So good.”

Regulus gave a self-satisfied smirk. He’d started out so unsure of himself, but with James’ constant praise, he was gaining the confidence someone like Regulus Black ought to have. “Mm, James,” he groaned, speeding up his hand.

Not to be outdone, James quickly shifted their robes up, then banished their pants with a whisper of a spell. Regulus gasped, only for a second until James’ erection brushed against his. His gasp turned into a deep moan until he bit it off. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, and he buried his face into James’ neck as James began to rock his hips.

They slid together, sweaty and needy, both of them stroking up and down the other until with a shudder and the softest cry, Regulus came. James followed shortly after, collapsing as lightly as he could with his face pressed into the ages old pillow.

He had a sudden thought, an image of the terrified teenaged Regulus lying her at night worrying about his future, the sixteen year old bullied into taking the Dark Mark, knowing what it would mean, ultimately.

The eighteen year old brave enough to openly defy the most terrifying Wizard to have ever lived, and who discovered the key to taking him down.

James was overwhelmed. He pulled his head back, feathering kisses along Regulus, neck, opening his robes and stopping his mouth with a slow, heated, tonguing kiss over the beat of his heart. “I love you,” he murmured.

He hadn’t said it before, though he’d felt it. He didn’t want to overwhelm the other man who still seemed to skittish.

Even now in their basking, Regulus stiffened. “James?”

Lifting his face, James reached up a hand to cup Regulus’ cheek. “I’m sorry if it bothers you. But I do. I…I fucking love you, Regulus. And it’s alright if you don’t…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence as Regulus claimed him in a possessive snog, fingers buried tight in James’ messy locks. “I love you,” he murmured against James’ lips.

With a grin, rolling to the side, James pulled him tight. “Let’s sleep a while.”

Regulus yawned softly, then nuzzled down against his lover. “Mm. Sounds perfect.”

*** 

They’d been home for all of ten minutes when it happened. It was Arthur who learnt the truth, and before Sirius or Remus could react, Dumbledore appeared. “Do not do anything. I have handled it.”

James was staring at the letter, Regulus by his side holding his hand, and everyone was confused. “What happened?” James asked, his voice tense. “Where is he?”

“Nymphadora and Kingsley are on their way presently,” Dumbledore said.

James slammed his fist on the table, startling everyone in the room. “What happened?”

“We believe it was a Dementor attack.”

Sirius felt his knees go weak. He was one of the few in the room who had actual experience suffering at the hands of Dementors. The two weeks he was in Azkaban was two weeks of reliving the worst moments of his life. “What?” he whispered, and Remus quickly drew him close.

“We cannot make assumptions now, but I have already secured a hearing in order to ensure he will not be expelled,” Dumbledore said.

James blinked up, looking first at Sirius, then at Remus, before glaring at Dumbledore. “We’re getting him now.”

“Yes,” Dumbledore said, and Sirius blinked in surprise. 

“Yes?”

Dumbledore spared him a swift glance. “Yes. It’s no longer safe with his relatives, and we’ve now established the safety of the wards here. There’s a short time before the start of term. Harry should be here.”

James sagged a little. “Alright. When?”

Just then, Moody stepped into the room and thumped to the table. “Shortly. Nymphadora, Kingsley, and Potter.”

“I’m going,” Sirius said.

“No,” Albus said, raising his hand. “I must leave and we’re expecting a few more Order guests. I need you and Remus here.”

Sirius’ jaw tensed. “Disillusionment charms?”

“It’s all we’ve got at the ready,” Moody replied.

“Harry’s got his cloak,” Remus pointed out. “It’s safer than the charm.”

“And too easy to lose on a broom. More than likely there won’t be an attack tonight,” Moody growled.

Sirius grit his teeth, furious he was being left out, but because James was going, he felt himself relax slightly. Just then, the fire in the lounge roared and then something crashed. “Tonks,” he breathed.

Remus grinned, taking a step back. “I’ll go greet them.”

The room cleared, leaving Regulus, Sirius, and James, and it was only seconds before James was tugging Sirius close. “He could have died, Padfoot.”

Sirius stroked his hair, kissing his cheek softly. “It’s alright, Jamie. He’s fine. He’s safe right now and in a matter of hours he’d going to be here. Okay?”

James nodded, pulling back, and he leant into Regulus. Sirius was still processing the connection between James and Regulus, but Remus had been right about one thing—James was happy. And so was his brother. Quietly, unobtrusively.

“Just get back safely, alright?”

“Of course,” James said.

Sirius smiled gently, then turned to find Remus who was leant into Tonks. She was whispering something into his ear, making him laugh, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “Paws off!”

Tonks grinned, tugging Remus close and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Always the jealous one, Si. You know I don’t swing this way.”

“It’s Remus,” Sirius said, crossing his arms. “How do you not fall in love with Remus?”

Remus blushed as Tonks laughed. “It’s true. What do you say, Re? Shall we elope?”

“That depends? Where are you going to take me? And will I be a kept man?”

Tonks grinned. “I’ve heard Cabo is very nice this time of year.”

“Sold,” Remus said.

Sirius grabbed Remus and yanked him over, kissing him soundly. “Traitor,” he murmured against his lips.

“You two are disgusting. I love it,” Tonks said, reaching up to pat at Sirius’ face. “Now, where’s my obnoxious boss and your obnoxious best mate. We have a kid to bring home.”

Sirius grinned, pointing to the other room before shoving Remus against the wall and kissing him again. “You trying to make me jealous?”

Remus laughed, reaching up to card his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “I don’t have to try, you know. You do just fine all on your own.”

Knowing he’d need a distraction until James got back, Sirius ignored the snickers of the Weasley brood as he dragged Remus upstairs and behind the locked door of his childhood bedroom.

*** 

Freshly shagged and feeling boneless, Sirius put his arms behind his head and stared up at the muggle posters he’d stuck on the walls with sticking charms even Kreacher couldn’t remove. It was tough remembering the times he was stuck here, but they were interspersed with summers at the Potters’, and eventually leaving for good. 

He’d snuck into the parlour to look at the family tapestry, staring at the dark spot that was once his, and the spot who had been Andi. He really had only one regret, which was leaving his brother behind. As much as he wanted to still hate Reg for what he’d done—the curses he’d cast—he couldn’t. It wasn’t entirely the boy’s fault. He’d been barely sixteen and terrified. Sirius had far more than Regulus ever did as a means of escape. Sirius should have done better by him.

Remus reminded him gently that if they hadn’t all made the choices they did, Voldemort might have never fallen, and the might not have the knowledge they do now to defeat him. But it was still a hard pill to swallow.

With a sigh, Sirius turned and pressed several kisses to Remus’ cheeks. “You want to go downstairs? I’m sure Molly’s in a strop about something, and I bet she’s taking it all out on Reg.”

“We ought to,” Remus agreed, though showed no signs of extracting himself from Sirius’ arms.

They basked a few more minutes before swapping into fresh clothes, both opting for muggle attire since there was no need to venture out. Before Sirius reached for the door, Remus reached up, smoothing his hair down, finishing up with a slow, soft kiss.

“You know how much I love you, Sirius?”

Sirius grinned against the soft lips. “Yes, I rather think I do. But just in case, you should probably tell me a few more times.”

Remus shoved him against the door and spoke between kisses. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Mm,” Sirius groaned, then pushed Remus back. “Alright. Enough, or I’m not letting you go down.”

“And further traumatise the children?” Remus asked, sounding scandalised.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “As if Mr Moony has ever cared about scandal.” He linked their hands together, then tugged him out of the bedroom. Before they reached the stairs, Sirius paused, listening to a set of familiar voices.

Regulus was speaking low and quiet with Kreacher. The House Elf was having trouble dealing with the return of Regulus. He was overwhelmed and grateful to have his master back in the home, but there was something off about the Elf Sirius couldn’t put his finger on. Though how many times Kreacher had been the one to deliver his punishments, Sirius didn’t much care.

“It’s alright, Kreacher. I know mother wouldn’t have approved, but mother wasn’t always right,” Regulus was saying gently.

“Master Regulus has been corrupted by the filth,” Kreacher said madly. “His filthy, traitorous brother…”

“Kreacher, you will not speak about Sirius that way, do you hear me? He’s not a traitor.”

Kreacher groaned, but having been forbidden, was silent.

Sirius sighed, pushing his face against Remus’ shoulder. “I hate it here.”

“I know,” Remus said, and carefully pulled Sirius down the stairs. Harry and the others were due back any moment. James had sent a patronus ahead, Molly letting them know the moment they entered the kitchen. “All is well.”

Sirius let his shoulders slump as he sat at the counter whilst Remus went to the cooker to heat the kettle. “And then what?”

“Severus is on his way.”

Both Remus and Sirius stiffened at the sound of his name. Remus was behaving far too pragmatically for Sirius’ tastes. Severus was a petty bastard and he didn’t belong in the order. He didn’t trust the snake, and he was certain if there ever was another leak, Snape would be it. But nothing anyone said against the now-Professor got through to Dumbledore. He was absolutely certain of the man’s loyalty and no one could work out why.

“And then?”

“Albus mentioned that after the start of term, we’re to be given assignments,” Molly said, wringing her hands.

Sirius and Remus exchanged dark looks, but they were interrupted by the arrival of Bill Weasley and Mundungus Fletcher. After that, Arthur arrived and the twins came down. Chaos erupted into the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, and Sirius was lost in his thoughts.

*** 

Hours and hours later, Sirius was sat in the parlour with his brother and Harry. His godson looked beside himself after a severe emotional outburst. Both James and Sirius fought Molly about what to tell Harry and what not to. But she very cleverly reminded them of Dumbledore’s orders, and everyone quickly shut down.

It was clear Harry was hurting. He hadn’t said anything about what it had been like with his relatives, but Sirius could tell it was no good. How could it have been? Sirius had met them once before and it ended with Lily in tears and Sirius threatening them.

How could Dumbledore put Harry there? After everything he’d suffered. Sirius didn’t want to imagine how alone and scared his godson had been. After everything he witnessed. To deal with grief at barely fifteen, completely on his own…

“Did you play Quidditch?” Harry asked quietly.

Sirius opened his mouth to answer, until he realised Harry was speaking to Regulus. Reg, for his part, looked mildly startled at being addressed directly by Harry. “I did,” he said, his voice a bit rough. “I played seeker.”

Harry smiled, a bit stiff, but looking a little more like his old self. “That’s my position. Dad said he reckoned I’d be chaser.”

“I don’t think you’d be half bad,” Regulus said. “I watched your flying year before last.”

Harry looked surprised a moment, then laughed. “Oh right. Crookshanks. Did you come up with that?”

To Sirius’ surprise, his brother laughed. Actually chuckled. Out loud and everything. “No. The barmy old man at the shop gave it to me when he took me in.”

“Ridiculous,” Harry said. “Hermione keeps talking about you that way though. It’s a bit weird.”

Reg was still smiling, holding tea between his fingers. “Reckon it is. If it’s easier I could…”

“No,” Harry said in a rush, then his cheeks went a little pink. “I mean, reckon my dad wouldn’t like that much.”

It went so silent, you could have heard a pin drop. On the carpet.

Regulus gave the smallest, involuntary cough, Sirius’ eyes widened, and Harry determinedly stared at some old bit of wall which Sirius recalled colouring on once in a toddler’s attempt to get even with one of his mother’s scoldings.

Then, very quietly, Regulus said, “No, I reckon he wouldn’t.”

The tension eased, and Harry leant back against the sofa, letting his shoulder very carefully brush against Regulus’, and Sirius decided he’d best if he found his lover.

*** 

Remus laughed for a solid minute and thirty seconds after Sirius told him. “James is going to die of embarrassment.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “His own damn fault for thinking his son’s thick, you know. It’s not like they haven’t been obvious.”

Remus tugged Sirius close, closing his eyes when he heard the sounds of Molly violently berating the twins. “I can’t wait to be shot of this place.”

“Won’t be for a while,” Sirius grumbled. “Though Dumbledore has been hinting round at reconnaissance missions.”

“He wants us to track the wolves.”

Sirius tensed, but Remus’ hands were still on his shoulders. “Moons…”

“We’ll be together,” Remus reminded him softly. “You and me, okay? No more secrets.”

Sirius nodded, bowing his head against Remus’ gently. “I know. I just…it’s too familiar.”

“There’s no Peter this time,” Remus said. “At least, no one like him. We’re alright.”

Tugging on Remus’ hand, Sirius put an end to the conversation by pulling his lover out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Everyone was on edge. Harry’s trial had come back better than expected, though Harry couldn’t shake his anger toward Dumbledore who still refused to speak to the boy. At every turn, the Order members were reminded to tell Harry nothing. Keep him in the dark.

They were reminded it was for his safety. And were again denied answers as to why.

Sirius and Remus could see James slowly cracking, and they knew that they—along with Regulus now as well—would back James on any move he made.

Sirius and Remus split ways, Remus slipping into the kitchen for tea, and he let out a small gasp to find the purple-haired Nymphadora Tonks pressing a very blonde, very French Fleur against the counter, kissing her soundly.

Tonks turned after a moment, a bit pink in the cheeks, but utterly unashamed. “Put your eyes back in your head, Lupin. Pervy wolf.”

Remus snorted as he flicked his wand at the kettle, then at the cabinet where two mugs came flying out. “You’re just doing this to upset Molly.”

“She’s always in a strop. If it wasn’t Fleur corrupting me, she’d be on her about the boys,” Tonks said, waving her hand.

Fleur slipped one hand round Tonks’ waist, holding her a bit possessively. “We ‘aven’t told anyone, besides. And I do not care what Molly thinks of me.”

Remus grinned at her. The young witch had taken a job at the Ministry with Bill Weasley when he returned from Egypt. Molly had been in a right foul mood all summer thinking Fleur was attempting to seduce one of her sons. Tonks and Fleur hadn’t come out yet, but they were less than subtle about things and Molly couldn’t decide what to be more upset about.

It really didn’t matter, though. It was fun and games at Headquarters, but the moment the students had been sent off, it would be down to business.

“We just got word of something else,” Tonks said, breaking away from Fleur with a small kiss just as the kettle complained that it was hot. Remus gave her a passing glance as he began to fix Sirius’ tea. “That bloody bitch, Umbridge will be at Hogwarts.”

Remus blinked, then blinked again. She, along with the evidence Snape had provided, were responsible for everything Remus had suffered now. “Why?” he breathed.

“DADA prof,” Tonks said with a shrug. “Dumbledore said he wasn’t given a choice.”

Remus’ jaw tightened. “I can’t believe…”

“None of us can,” Tonks said, putting a hand on Remus’ elbow. “I begged him to let me post up at Hogsmeade, but he refused. He even had that cottage you lot have been living in put up for let.”

Remus knew that bit, but the rest… “I can’t believe this.” He stopped then, pulling out the tea bags, then added a few dollops of milk. “No wait, yes I can. I can believe it all.”

“Well with Reg helping out,” Tonks said, glancing back at Fleur before looking at Remus, “hopefully we can get an edge on the Death Eaters. Word is even Malfoy’s joined back up.”

Remus felt a chill down his spine. He recognised far too many names when he’d been teaching. Names of Death Eaters and their families who had slipped past the Ministry’s fingers. Witches and Wizards who claimed curses and threats by the Dark Lord, but Remus knew better. He remembered better.

Malfoy was the worst. The most influential with the Ministry, with the funds to support his psychotic leader.

“I’m sure he’ll have a handle on it,” Tonks said.

Remus bowed his head. “I…I hope so.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OotP part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So OotP will probably be split into 3 chapters total because it's so long. I was in a super shippy mood and having a lot of James/Regulus feels so this is mostly just some sweet smutty stuff between the two of them, with some plot in between. The next chapter will have the Department of Mysteries (yeah it still happens) and the Drarry wheels begin to spin at the end.
> 
> I know some people are worried about character death and I can tell you right now just so no one's put off or worried--I will NOT be killing off Sirius, Remus, James, Regulus, Tonks, or Fred. This is like a fix-it fic and everyone I loves gets to live.

The door to Grimmauld place shut, enveloping the room into silence.

For all of a minute. It was long enough for Regulus to reach out and take James’ hand, and long enough for Remus to let out his small sigh and say, “I’m going to make a cup of tea.”

The fire roared, and the brightly coloured robes of Hogwarts’ Headmaster appeared first, followed by his long, white beard and solemn expression. He clutched several rolled up parchments in his hand, and regarded James and Regulus carefully before speaking.

Sirius, who was immediately on edge at the sight of him, moved a step closer to James. “Shouldn’t you be at the school?”

“Minerva is fully capable of preparing the welcoming feast,” Albus said, barely sparing a glance to Sirius. “And presently time is of the essence.” His gaze then fixed between James and Regulus. “I come bearing good news, but at a price.”

“Of course,” Sirius spat. He was pressed against James now, prepared to attack however he felt necessary.

“This, Mr Black, is your full pardon by the Wizengamot.” 

The entire room froze. Remus, who was just coming from the kitchen, paused and there was a small clink as his hands shook.

Regulus stared at the parchment in front of him, and it wasn’t until James nudged him that he reached out and took it. “How?”

“I still have some sway, in spite of how the Daily Prophet is attempting to destroy my credibility,” Dumbledore said with a slight smile. “There are, however, conditions.”

Regulus clutched the parchment so hard, it bowed and crinkled. “Such as?”

“Presently, the Ministry has required a presence at Hogwarts. Therefore Dolores Umbridge will be filling the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts.”

Sirius went rigid at the sound of her name. The woman who would, if she had been allowed, put down Werewolves like rabid dogs. “What of it?” he growled.

“Regulus must be under supervision, and I have graciously offered myself as the provider.” Albus glanced between all four of them. “This,” he said, brandishing the second parchment, “is a teaching contract. Hagrid has offered to do a bit of work for the Order…recruitment, if you will. His post needs to be filled.”

Regulus blinked. “Care of Magical Creatures? Albus I wouldn’t know the first thing.” His voice was trembling slightly. “I wouldn’t…”

“I very much trust you to follow in the path of former professors.”

“No,” Sirius said, clenching his jaw. “No he’s not…”

“I’m afraid it’s this, or he goes into hiding, because breaking this contract will result in an Azkaban sentence for war crimes.”

Sirius felt his stomach lurch. “Albus…”

“To ensure your trust,” Albus said, now looking at James, “I’m offering a second post to you, Mr Potter. As Flying Coach. You’ll oversee Quidditch and oversee the first years’ lessons.”

“Quarters together?” James asked quietly.

“If you wish it.”

The pair of them blinked at the Headmaster, refusing to answer the most obvious statement with one of their own.

“I will have Order Members rotating through Headquarters,” Albus said, waving a hand round the room a bit. “And I have your mission orders as well.”

Remus finally moved into the room, handing off a tea mug to Sirius. “For all four of us?”

“You two must take greater care, but there’s an item that I need,” Albus said. He handed out the third parchment. Remus took it, unrolling it and read it over before looking up.

“You want us to find this where?”

“I have a few leads,” Albus said. “For now, you should head back to your London flat. I’m waiting on a bit more information before I send you off. Just take care. The Ministry is still out for your compliance, Lupin. And it’s best they not get their hands on you.”

Remus swallowed, paling a little, and didn’t push Sirius away when he drew his lover in close. “Alright.”

Sirius looked like he wanted to explode, but James gave him a careful look and he stopped. “You need the now.” It was a statement, not a question, but Albus nodded anyway.

“The sooner, the better. Lesson plans to prepare, and a few things to discuss. Await my owl, gentlemen.” With that, Albus turned and was gone.

Before Sirius could rage, James grabbed him, cupping the sides of his face. “This is what we signed up for,” he said in a low voice. “And if it means I get to be near Harry…”

“I’m not arguing, Jamie,” Sirius said very quietly, letting his hands wander up to cover James’. “I realised I can’t be with you, and so long as you swear to me you won’t keep anything a secret…”

“I swear,” James breathed, and dragged Sirius in, kissing the corner of his mouth. “I love you. And it’s going to be alright.” He gently released his best friend, and turned to Regulus who was watching with a hooded expression. “Are you sure?”

Regulus let out a bitter laugh. “What choice have I got? Albus knows I could hide here, but it’s clear he wants me under his thumb. It’ll be days before the wards drop and the Ministry is hauling me away.”

Sirius felt his temper rise, but held it in check. James merely sighed. “I’ll go pack our things.”

Regulus nodded, saying nothing as James disappeared up the stairs, Remus quick at his heels. The Black brothers were alone then, and Sirius swiftly closed the distance between them. “You watch your fucking back, do you understand me? I will not lose you twice.”

Reg’s cheeks pinked, but he nodded. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Yes,” Sirius said with a snort, “you are.” With that, he ripped up Regulus’ sleeve to display the dark mark, and he let his thumb run over it. “He’s hurting you, isn’t he?”

Reg’s fingers gave an involuntary tremble. “Only when he’s summoning them. He knows it’s agony if we don’t respond. I’m alright.”

Sirius let him go, but didn’t take a step back. “I want regular owls. I want updates. You protect Harry, and yourself. And James.”

Regulus looked like he wanted to make a biting comment, but instead pursed his lips then pulled Sirius in for a hug. They had only shared a few, they could be counted on one hand, but it didn’t matter. The embrace was short, but necessary and when they pulled back, Sirius’ cheeks were just as pink as his brother’s. “Be careful out there. I know what he’s going to ask you to find and…” Reg swallowed thickly. “Just be careful.”

“I always am,” Sirius said, and ignored Regulus’ eyeroll as he stepped back toward the lounge. His tea was cold now, but it could be warmed the moment James and Regulus were gone.

The bespectacled man came back down, one trunk between the two of them, and he shrunk it to carry in his pocket as he pulled Sirius over to say good bye. They had a slow, lingering kiss—chaste as it was, it was still full of love and a little bit of fear—and then they were gone.

In a rush of green flames, Sirius and Remus were now alone in Sirius’ childhood home. They’d be relieved soon enough by one of the Order members, and then they’d be off. Doing god knows what, for god knows how long. It was terrifying, and Sirius could only hope this time it meant it would be finally over.

*** 

Regulus was pacing the inside of their new quarters. He hadn’t even had time to process the fact that he was now a Hogwarts Professor. Something he had never in his life ever considered. As a child, Professors were lowly workers. Commoners. Far below what would be suitable for a Black. He had never given his professors so much as a passing glance beyond turning in his essays and sitting his exams.

He’d been a studious child—studious enough, though like his brother he had inherited his magical ability which surpassed wandwork. When he’d seen Sirius achieve his angimagus form—something his brother had thought he’d cleverly hidden but very much hadn’t, Regulus had merely set out to prove he was just as good. Feeling cowed, bowed under the repetitive belief of his parents that Regulus just wasn’t up to Sirius’ standards.

He was the spare.

But he’d done it, in a shorter time than Sirius had. He hadn’t expected to be a cat, of course, but it had become dead useful.

But even with all of that, Regulus assumed he’d be dead or in prison.

He certainly had never considered himself capable of becoming the lover of James Potter—of all bloody wizards. And now Professor Black.

It wasn’t just that, however. It was Umbridge. She oozed danger and Regulus’ hackles were raised the moment he set eyes on her. She’d arrived well after Regulus and James had, and made her intentions quite plain. “I do not trust you. I do not plan to trust you. You’re here by grace of the Minister himself, even in his misguided faith in Dumbledore. But give me a reason, and I will see you handed to the Dementors. I don’t take lightly to those who escape…punishment.”

Regulus was not scared of her. But the Ministry was reaching beyond the walls of Hogwarts now, and nowhere felt safe. Especially as it had only been too easy to infiltrate the Ministry before.

Her welcome speech dripped with just as much threat and venom as her private one had been. Regulus avoided Snape’s furious glower as he listened, head bowed and holding James’ hand under the table. He’d received a smattering of applause when his post was announced, Harry and his mates of course looking the most shocked not only at his appointment, but the disappearance of Hagrid which Regulus didn’t blame them. They knew almost nothing, and most of that was the Weasleys Parents’ fault.

Harry had rushed up to them in the corridors as the prefects were leading the first years away, and he caught Regulus’ robe with his fingers. “Er…Professor?” Harry said, tripping over the word.

It startled Regulus into a soft smile as he glanced over at James. He very nearly corrected Harry into calling him Regulus, until he realised he couldn’t. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah I just…why didn’t you tell me? Either of you?”

“Wasn’t our intention, Haz. We didn’t know until Dumbledore showed up at…home,” James said, then licked his lips—his too-obvious sign of nerves.

Harry’s hand went into his hair and for a second he looked almost furious which concerned Regulus. “Are you going to tell me where Hagrid is?”

James shook his head. “No. And not because we don’t want to. Dumbledore is keeping rather quiet about the whole thing. Shouldn’t you be heading to your…”

“In a moment,” Harry said impatiently. “Where’s Sirius and Remus?”

“Headquarters, I reckon,” James said, his frown at his son’s petulant tone. “They’ll have their own work to get done.”

“Will they be in danger?” Harry demanded.

James sighed. “This is absolutely not the place to be discussing it. You know I…”

“Can’t say,” Harry spat. “Right. So for nearly ten years you sodding lie to me about who I am and where I came from. About the death of my own mum and…and everything. Then you drag me into this world, into this _war_ where now I’m being painted like some barmy teen gone round the twist because my fucking friend was murdered in front of me, and you can’t tell me anything. This bloody psychopath is after me and you can’t tell me anything,” he hissed.

James reeled back again. “Language. I am still your father and…”

“Are you? Professor Potter,” Harry said through clenched teeth.

Before James could react, Harry spun on his heel and marched off, leaving the two men staring after him in the corridor.

“Shit,” James gasped the moment Harry was out of earshot. “He hates me.”

Regulus turned to him. “No,” he offered mildly. “He doesn’t. He’s angry and he has a damn good reason to. I think we could tell him something.”

“Dumbledore seems adamant. He seems to have his reasons,” James said, looking worried.

“Then we tell him to explain, or that we’re telling Harry everything,” Regulus said. “He’s your son. You cannot let that man dictate what you say to your own bloody child.” Regulus stiffened and then took a breath. “I’m sorry. I just…I was never loved the way you love him and I’ll be damned if I see that destroyed.”

James’ face immediately softened and he reached out tugging on Regulus’ wrist. “If we weren’t professors, I’d be dragging you behind some tapestry to snog your face off right about now.”

Regulus flushed. “Well how about you go talk to that old man, and I’ll be waiting for you in our quarters?”

James’ smile widened and looking up and down the deserted corridor, chanced a swift, gentle kiss. “Merlin I love you,” he whispered, then let Regulus go and hurried off.

It had now been over an hour and no sign of James. The House Elves delivered tea. Twice. And nothing.

Regulus was honestly steps away from demanding entrance to the Headmaster’s office when the door finally creaked open and James stepped in. He looked irritated, but that was sort of a natural state these days. His hair was more mussed than it was before he’d gone, and his mouth was drawn.

Regulus felt an inexplicable urge to put a smile on his face. It was all new for him, loving like this. Loving James Potter, whom he had once hated almost violently. Hated for filling Sirius’ head with rubbish. Hated for taking away his one shred of sanity in that house.

Hated because Regulus so deeply craved what James gave to Sirius and he couldn’t have it.

It still made his head swim to think that James was his. That he could look over and see the words, I love you, curving round that full mouth as his hands cupped round Regulus’ hips and pulled him close. And the kisses…he could lose himself in them. Drown in them. Moments he forgot who he was and where they were for those lips on his.

He found himself crossing the room and giving into the desire to tug James close.

The taller man let out a small, startled noise, likely because Regulus didn’t often initiate the affection or touches. Regulus didn’t know how, really. He’d spent too long outside of human form, and even when he’d been in it, he’d been far too deprived. Wanting, but never having.

Now there was this and he was lost.

But he was learning—and he had the best teachers.

His hand reached up and cupped James’ cheek as James did to him so often. His thumb brushed the corner of James’ mouth and his heart sped up a fraction when the lips curled up just slightly. “That bad, was it?”

James sighed. “He thinks Harry and Voldemort might have a connection. That those dreams Harry was having weren’t dreams at all.”

Regulus startled, going stiff in James’ arms. “Ah. I…is he certain?”

“No.” James leant down and buried his face in the side of Regulus’ neck. He placed several, slow, open-mouthed kisses along his neck before he spoke again, right up against the flushed, pale skin. “But if it’s true, Voldemort might have access to everything Harry knows. Which is why he’s advised us to keep quiet.”

Regulus’ eyes fluttered closed and he was torn between pain for everything they had to face, and desire for the man holding him. “Then we keep quiet. We do our best, and let Harry know he’s not alone but…we stay careful.”

James’ hands travelled upward, carding through Regulus’ hair which was getting a bit shaggy for his tastes. He preened at the contact though, arching a bit into it, and James laughed against his neck. “So easy.”

“Shut up,” Regulus said, but he was grinning and went lose and compliant as James began to manhandle him backward toward their bedroom. They’d already had a little time to christen the area, the sofa, bed, and kitchen table, but Regulus was ready for more. He was needy, trying to make up for the years of neglect and James seemed dead set on making sure they got Regulus caught up before the year was out.

Letting out a gasp as Regulus’ hand went up James’ robes, the taller man tilted his head down, lips searching until he found his lover’s. Their tongues danced together, sliding hot and slick and needy as Regulus’ back hit the bed and James came to a kneel between his crooked knees.

“Want you,” James murmured.

Regulus groaned, then flicked his wrist very cleverly, banishing their robes to the corner of the room. James sucked in his breath, then grinned down at Regulus who gave a careless shrug. “Thought this might help.”

“Your cleverness turns me on,” James growled, pressing his hips against Regulus and sliding them together in a short, stuttered rhythm. “Fuck. I swear I want you every second of the day.”

Regulus let out a breathy laugh as he tilted his head back and let James mark his neck. “Good thing we…ah…ah right there…good thing we’re not…ung…teaching together then.”

James chuckled as he reached a hand between them, and his eyes glinted with a bit of mischief and desire as Regulus arched up against his palm. It was sure, firm strokes that drew Regulus immediately to the edge. “Fuck, you are so gorgeous. So beautiful.”

Regulus gave a needy tremble, a low, keening sound escaping the back of his throat. He had always been afraid to do this, to come undone, to be vulnerable. Sex was another way for someone to have power over you and he’d always balked at the idea. But this…god this was everything he had never known he’d wanted.

Because James held him with such adoration, such love. Like a word from Regulus’ mouth could make or break him and he found himself _wanting_ to surrender.

Which he did. His body shook and he groaned and shuddered and came all over James’ knuckles. It was only moments before James did the same, mouthing words against Regulus’ neck as he canted his hips, and then he collapsed forward, barely holding himself upright.

“Can you…?”

Regulus laughed, and with another, clever flick of his wrist, banished the mess.

James grinned, kissing him long and slow before pulling the duvet up around them and tucking them in tight against the chill draft of the ancient castle. The lights were low enough to sleep, and with James’ arms firm and holding tight, his eyes began to close.

“You know I love you, right?” James asked.

Regulus murmured acknowledgement against the warm skin.

“And you love me too?”

The tone was suddenly so unsure, Reg’s eyes opened and met James’. “Of course I do.” His hand lifted from between the duvet and he cupped the side of James’ neck, letting his thumb run against the stubble of James’ chin. “I know I don’t say it much. It’s…I don’t really know how to express how I feel but this…this between us right now. It’s everything. Alright? Had I known what was waiting for me I might not have…I would have…” Regulus went quiet, his tongue tripping over the words.

But he didn’t need to speak more. “I just needed to hear it,” James whispered, and kissed him once more before settling down.

Reg shifted so his head was pressed against James’ side, ear to his ribs and he could hear the quiet thudding of his lover’s heart. It was that sound that lulled him to sleep, and it was that sound—protective and careful—which kept his nightmares at bay.

*** 

They were at the flat when the letter arrived by Hedwig. Sirius was lounging with his head in Remus’ lap, his lover reading some muggle book quietly, and Sirius spotted the white wings of Harry’s owl. Scrambling up, he opened the window and quickly let the bird inside.

The letter was small, he finished it just as Hedwig fetched a sip from his tea mug, then was off again before he could even think to post back. Not that he would.

“What is it?” Remus asked.

It was barely the first week of term and Sirius hadn’t expected either of them to write so soon. But the letter sounded worrisome. “Harry’s rowing with James,” Sirius said with a small sigh. “And he says his scar hurts.”

Remus straightened. “What? Like before?”

Licking his lips, Sirius glanced out the window. “Umbridge gave him a detention and apparently his scar was hurting when he was in detention with her.”

Remus frowned. “You don’t think…not Umbridge of all people. She’s a vicious bint but a Death Eater?”

Sirius shook his head. “I ought to see if I can reach him in the common room.”

Remus hesitated, reaching for his wrist. “Sirius that’s…if someone sees you…”

“I’ll be careful,” Sirius vowed. “It’s better than trying to post something back. With the way they’re coming at both Harry and Albus, I have no doubt posts may be watched.”

Remus relented, picking up his book once again, but didn’t take his eyes off Sirius as the shorter man lit the fire with his charm, and then waited. 

It took ages before Sirius was able to locate Harry, but once he did, the conversation went on quite a while. “…and of course Remus isn’t overly thrilled about her working there, but he agrees. It’s very doubtful she’s a Death Eater.”

“Remus knows her?” Harry asked.

Sirius’ eyes looked away from his godson. “She’s been the one campaigning against werewolves. The one responsible for the registrations and everything. Attempted to do the same with merfolk at one point. Doesn’t like partial-humans, as she calls them.”

Harry’s face was livid, as was Hermione’s who was sat behind him. “What do I do, then?”

“Just…keep to yourself.”

“But she’s not going to teach us anything!” Hermione cried out, and Sirius was surprised by her anger. “She expects us to get by based on theory. It’s OWL year!”

Sirius huffed. “Well rumour is Fudge doesn’t want you lot trained in battle.”

Ron, who was sat on the floor next to Harry, rolled his eyes. “Ruddy stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Trained in battle. What’s he think? Dumbledore’s got students working as an army?”

Sirius’ eyes flickered because he could well remember a time when Dumbledore was recruiting them by the droves. Stepping out of Hogwarts and onto the battlefield. He sighed, and heard Remus shift behind him. “Listen, that might be exactly what he’s thinking.”

Harry looked down at his feet. “Dad and I had a row early. About…everything. No one’s telling me anything and I don’t know what’s going on.”

“I know Harry. If I had my way…” Sirius trailed off, shaking his head.

“Just…do you know anything about Hagrid, at least? He’s not been back and well…”

“Not as such. But don’t worry. Just don’t go asking too many questions. The more you draw Umbridge’s attention, the more she’ll be after you. What did you do to get the detention anyway?”

“Told her Voldemort was back,” Ron said with a small snigger. “In the middle of class.”

“Some of the students actually believe the Prophet about Harry,” Hermione chimed in. “It’s…well, not good.”

“I expect not,” Sirius said, but he was smiling a bit because it was something James would have done. “Just don’t worry so much. Your dad and Reg are both there and rowing or not, you can go to them if there’s a problem. If Umbridge is being too horrible.” He noticed Harry’s hand reflexively clutching his other wrist, but he decided not to comment on it.

“Yeah well, I’ll just get the same answers,” Harry muttered. “Sorry, Harry, but you’re too young. I mean I’m not too young to face Voldemort repeatedly. To get bit by a bloody Basilisk or have Voldemort murder my friend in front of me but…” Harry’s voice went tight and Sirius wished he could step through and hug him.

In fact, if it hadn’t been for a squeeze on his ankle from Remus, he might have done so. “It’ll be alright. Remus and I have to go away for a bit…nothing frightening don’t worry,” he said when he caught a glimpse of Harry’s eyes flicker with fear, “but I’ll try to keep in touch. Just remember you have support.”

“Right,” Harry said. “See you, then.”

The tone was cold, clipped, and Sirius ached but there wasn’t much he could do besides bid his farewell and pull back. When he turned to look at Remus, his face was drawn. “He’s angry.”

“I expect so,” Remus said, and shuffled down so he was kneeling in front of Sirius. He cupped his lover’s cheeks and brushed back a bit of the soot there. “He’ll be fine. James is there.”

“I know,” Sirius said, and leant forward, pressing his face to Remus’ shirt. “I just hate this. He’s hurting and there’s nothing we can do.”

*** 

James was in a strop over Umbridge’s latest nonsense—mainly that she’d disbanded all teams—attacking Quidditch specifically and James knew it was all to do with her dislike of Harry. So far Gryffindor was the only house to not have their team restored, but he couldn’t speak to anyone about it—particularly because Harry wasn’t speaking to him.

Regulus watched this all, a bit helpless. Umbridge would pop into his lessons unannounced often, but he ignored her and carried on with his work and so far she had no complaints. He’d spent years training under the most vicious wizard of all time, and it was no trouble at all to deflect her.

But he was more worried about the rumours flying round regarding her disciplinary methods. Students had been nursing wounds on their arms, and he learnt about her special quill. Not even the harshest professors he’d had in the seventies had such barbaric punishments.

And, Regulus noticed, Harry had scars himself. He hadn’t got close enough to read them yet, and he hadn’t mentioned it to James, knowing his lover would fly off the handle when he found out. It would be inevitable of course. Harry couldn’t cover up forever, but Regulus wanted to speak with him alone first.

It was getting closer to the holidays when Regulus spotted Harry alone. He’d been disappearing quite a bit, mostly on Hogsmeade weekends, but now in the castle during free periods as well. He seemed to be doing better, if not a bit isolated, so Regulus caught up to him and grabbed his arm. “Fancy a cuppa?”

Harry blinked at him, looking a little surprised. “Er. Alright. Why, is everything okay?”

“Just wanted a chat. We can use your dad’s office. He’s on the pitch right now with the Ravenclaw first years.”

Harry hesitated, then followed Reg down the corridors to James’ office. The elder Potter hadn’t bothered to do much with it, leaving up everything Hooch had done with it. Regulus remembered her rather well. She’d been the one to spot his talent on the pitch, and he was surprised one afternoon visiting with James, to see a photo of himself on the Slytherin team sat on her shelf.

When Harry walked in, he glanced round, and it was obvious he hadn’t visited his dad much. They were still barely speaking to each other. The only time they’d said more than two words was when James had come to Harry’s defence when Umbridge had issued him a lifetime ban from Quidditch, but even that was fruitless and Harry took it all in stride.

“Do you miss it?” Regulus asked after sending an Elf for tea.

Harry sank into a chair and lifted a brow. “Miss what?”

“Quidditch?”

“Oh.” Harry bit down on his thumbnail and looked so remarkably like his dad for a moment, Reg almost laughed. “No. Not right now, anyway. There’s…too much.”

Regulus nodded. “I know you’re still cross, and I don’t blame you. We still can’t tell you a thing and frankly being trapped in this castle isn’t doing much for me, either. With Umbridge watching my every move, just looking for an excuse to chuck me into that prison…”

Harry gave an involuntary shudder, having had too many run-ins with Dementors to know exactly what it would be like. “Dad won’t let her, you know. He’d burn the Ministry to the ground before letting someone he loved get carted off to that place.”

Reg smirked. “I know.”

The tea appeared, along with biscuits, and he watched Harry fix his with sugar and milk. Regulus sipped his, black and bitter which took the edge off his fatigue.

“Do you want to talk about your detentions?”

Harry startled. “Did dad put you up to this?”

“No,” Regulus said plainly. “I saw your arm in class the other day. He doesn’t know yet.”

Harry sighed. “If you tell him…”

“I know. Which is why I haven’t. Right now our position is too precarious to go starting a war with that woman. But all the same, what she’s doing is not okay. Can I see it?”

Harry hesitated, then lifted the sleeve of his robe to display the writing. _I must not tell lies_.

“Reckon because it’s a magical scar, it’s going to stay forever.”

Regulus felt his jaw tense. “Well, reckon I’d know about those.” He lifted his own sleeve and displayed the dark mark plainly on his arm. He watched something strange flicker in Harry’s eyes, and for a second…just a breath of a moment…the mark burnt. He was too practised to let himself show his flinch, but he felt it. Maybe Dumbledore was right.

“Did that hurt?”

Regulus couldn’t help a small, barking laugh. “It did. But it was meant to. He wanted the pain to be a constant reminder to whom we all belonged.”

“Will it ever come off?”

“Reckon not. When he dies likely it’ll scar or…something. I can’t know.” Regulus brought his sleeve back down and leant back in the chair. “None of us are going to walk away from this unscathed.”

Harry regarded him for a long time before speaking again. “Things feel like they’re getting out of control. Umbridge is treating Hogwarts like it’s her own, tiny Ministry. I…my friends don’t understand me. Sirius and I have chatted a few times but…but it’s not the same. He and Remus are out doing I don’t know what and I think it’s dangerous and I’m terrified for them. It feels like a losing battle.”

“I wonder,” Regulus said very carefully, “if maybe that’s what he wants you to think.”

Harry blinked. “He?”

Regulus let the word come out smoothly, in spite of the cold chill rushing through his limbs. “Voldemort.”

Harry laughed just a bit. “One of my friends said something similar. Luna. And you’re probably right. But I don’t know what else to do.”

“Trust us,” Regulus said. “Me and your dad. Sirius, Remus. Even Albus. We’re all on the same team, you know?”

Harry licked his lips, sighing. “What was it like? For you, I mean?”

Regulus felt something shock through him at the blunt question, but he could at least answer this. Voldemort had long-since known Regulus had deflected. “It was terrifying. I thought I was doing the right thing by my parents. I never stopped to think maybe what he was speaking about was wrong. Not until it was too late. I was just trying to be better than Sirius. I didn’t understand how selfish and cruel my parents’ disappointment was. I…” Regulus stopped and closed his eyes against the pain. “When Sirius ran away, it was because I was inducted into the Death Eaters. I cursed him with an Unforgivable. Then stood back as the others attacked him for refusing to join the Dark Lord. Mother blasted him from the tapestry and cruelly I hoped that when he ran, he would show up to Hogwarts and beg to be allowed back into the family. Instead after some spiralling, he bounced back and was happy. Actually happy. He was loved, and in love and…” Regulus swallowed. “I started wondering how. Because I wasn’t. I was terrified all the time. Terrified to make a single mistake. Voldemort underestimated my powers, of course. He thought I was too young and inexperienced to be of much help. He wanted my family’s influence.”

Harry watched him carefully, easing the cup back onto the desk. “And when you left?”

“I thought I was going to die. I thought eventually I would be found and murdered, and I accepted that. But I was alright with it, because I uncovered…something special. Something against him the Order didn’t have before.”

Harry flinched. “That’s what they keep saying,” Harry said. “The Death Eaters. A weapon the Dark Lord didn’t possess before. But I don’t know what it means.”

Regulus shook his head. “Neither do I. I’m sorry, Harry.”

“It’s alright.” Harry gripped the arm of the chair, then rose. “I should go. I think Hermione’s expecting me.”

Regulus came round the desk and carefully put his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “I’m not your parent. I’d be foolish to think…” His words were cut off when Harry hugged him tight.

“Thank you,” Harry said softly.

Reg hesitated, then ran a hand through Harry’s messy locks and drew him back by the shoulders, looking into his eyes. “You can see me. About anything.”

Harry nodded, then hurried off, leaving Regulus a little stunned, but feeling better than before.

*** 

James found his lover in their bed, hands behind his head, wearing boxers and one of James’ muggle t-shirts. The sight went straight to his groin and he pounced, not letting Reg get a word in before capturing his lips in a heavy, heated kiss.

With a groan, Regulus grabbed onto his back, sliding his hands up James’ ribs. “Finished for the day?”

“Mm,” James mumbled, diving low to kiss along the underside of Regulus’ jaw. “I’m skipping dinner in the Great Hall. I missed you.”

Regulus laughed. “You have me every day.”

“S’not enough,” James whinged, licking at Reg’s beating pulse point. He nipped the skin, then pulled back, cupping Regulus’ cheek with one hand. “I want you every second.”

“You’re a needy, clingy bastard,” Reg said with a grin.

“Not the first time someone’s called me that. And I am utterly unashamed. And you love it.”

Regulus chuckled. “I admit it’s growing on me. A little.”

James rolled his eyes, but claimed the other man’s mouth in a passionate kiss. He rocked his hips down against Regulus and felt the other man gasp into his mouth. “Fuck me.”

Regulus’ eyes went immediately dark as James hurried out of his clothes, grappling for the nightstand where he kept their lube. Rolling onto his stomach, knees under him, he groaned loudly when a slicked finger entered him. Then two.

He canted his hips back against Regulus’ hand, groaning into the pillow until Reg finally slid inside, one swift motion. Their skin pressed together, hot and a bit sweaty. James let out a loud moan, holding tight to Regulus’ shoulders.

“God move. Please please,” he begged.

Trembling, holding on desperately, Regulus complied, squeezing his eyes tight shut knowing if he looked down at his lover’s face, he wouldn’t last. His breath came in sharp gasps as he felt James’ hand move between them, but he quickly batted it away, wanting something for himself.

He curled his fingers round James, stroking him in time with his thrusting and just as James let out a keening moan, Regulus felt himself let go. He gasped hard, burying his face into James’ neck, “Fuck James fuck fuck,” he growled. His entire body stuttered, and shivered, just as he felt hot liquid spurting over his knuckles.

After a long pause, with only the sound of gasping breath in the room, James let out a low chuckle, reaching out for his wand. “Scorgify,” he whispered.

Regulus shivered as everything disappeared, and he managed to roll onto his side as James kept a firm grasp on him, feathering kisses along his neck and chin. “Bloody hell,” he finally managed.

James laughed again, running one hand into Regulus’ sweat-damp locks. “Mm, that was…necessary.”

Regulus finally opened one eye, peering at James who was bright-eyed and soft at the mouth. “A bit, wasn’t it?”

His hand trailing down, the backs of his knuckles running along Regulus’ sharp cheekbone, James nuzzled in. “I know I keep telling you I love you. And I’m afraid it’s going to lose its meaning soon, but I can’t help it. I look at you and it’s so profound. I never thought I could feel this way again.” James swallowed, then pushed his forehead against Regulus’ collarbone. “I’m scared.”

With a frown, Regulus let his hand card gently through the wild locks. “Why? Jamie…why?”

James breathed in deep. “The last time I fell this hard, I lost her. The Dark Lord came into my house and attempted to murder my entire family. And I had to step past her dead body in order to get my son out of that house and I…” James stopped again. “I don’t think I could handle losing you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Regulus said. He prodded James until the taller man’s head lifted, and he locked his grey eyes onto hazel ones. “I’ve already spat in his face and walked away. I’m not saying Lily was weaker than me. She was the bravest witch I had ever known—even when I was busy being a fucking racist twat about it. She impressed me and amazed me. But I’ve got a reason to live, you know?” Reg rarely spoke this often about his feelings, especially after sex when he felt the most vulnerable, but seeing James so unsure and so frightened, he couldn’t let his lover keep on like that. “I’m not ready to give this up.”

James stared at him for a long time, then brought his head in to capture Regulus in a slow, careful kiss. He didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t need to. It was all between them, swirling round and giving them something more to hope for, to fight for. It wasn’t a promise. They couldn’t make those knowing people _would_ die, but it was close enough.

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to just update on the state of my fics. As of now I plan to finish this fic before writing anything else (except my 1000 followers ones which are on a schedule). So I will be updating and finishing this. Then my Stardust AU. Then I will simultaneously finish my Middle-Age Texting fic along with my new Wolfstar with blind James. Once those are done, I will be getting into some longer prompts that I've got on tumblr. My requests are currently open, but the back-log is massive so don't expect to see anything you send my any time soon. x


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last bit to OotP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I skipped round A LOT in this bit because there was just way too much to cram into three parts. And obviously some canon stuff has changed. Still I hope you like it.

Sirius was pulled violently from his sleep by a patronus. “There’s been an attack. Get to Headquarters immediately.” It was gone before Sirius had time to process where the patronus had come from, but the voice sounded vaguely familiar.

Remus was up along with him, and out of bed before Sirius had fully recovered his senses. He was throwing robes, using his wand to quickly pack up what little they had. Shaking his head, Sirius threw himself from the inn bed and went to the fire, setting the spell they had to connect them to Headquarters. He felt the wards recognise him and his magic, then he reached out a hand for Remus who had just sorted out their things.

“Re…”

Remus shook his head. “Don’t. Not until we get there.”

Sirius couldn’t ignore that old feeling, brought back so violently at the warning. He could remember the worry and apprehension like it was yesterday. Walking into Headquarters and never knowing who wasn’t coming back. The Prewetts. Marlene and her sister. Dori.

Lily.

Sirius’ hand was shaking as he took Remus’, and they stepped into the flames calling out the name of Sirius’ childhood home.

Grates spun by, fires and people and homes until they finally stumbled onto the sooty parlour carpet of number twelve Grimmauld Place. The room was full, mostly Weasleys and all of whom looked like they’d been crying.

Sirius’ eyes searched, and he was startled to see Harry sat on one of the sofas, drawn into himself as he watched the redheaded family comfort each other.

Remus rushed off for information whilst Sirius quickly headed for his godson, not stopping until his arms were round the teen. Harry stiffened at first, then relaxed into the embrace and tucked the top of his head under Sirius’ chin.

“You’re alright,” Sirius murmured.

“I…” Harry took in a shuddering breath.

Sirius realised Harry was getting odd looks from everyone in the room, so he rose, taking Harry by the hand. “Come on. Let’s get a bit of quiet, yeah?” 

Harry didn’t put up a fight as he was tugged up the stairs and into Sirius’ old room. For once, Sirius wished he’d bothered to take down the ridiculous photos and signs of his teenage rebellion. If only to appear somewhat like a responsible adult for this teen who looked so lost.

Harry didn’t seem bothered though, as he sat on the bed and very carefully, in a small voice, explained what he saw. “…and I thought maybe it was a dream but…but it didn’t feel like it. It felt like I was the Snake. And I wanted it, Sirius. I wanted to hurt him.” Harry was trembling by now, and Sirius rushed over, taking Harry into a hug once more.

“That wasn’t you. Whatever the Dark Lord did to you, however the connection is there, it’s not you.” Sirius stroked his hair gently, hugging him tight. “It’s going to be fine, I promise.”

Harry hummed, but the sound was doubtful. Honestly at the moment, Sirius didn’t blame him. He didn’t know what was happening, and he was scared for his godson. And for everyone else.

*** 

All but Remus visited St Mungo’s shortly after they were told Arthur was going to live. The bite from the snake was a vicious one, and the healers were working round the clock to control the venom. It was eating away at his skin, making their job near constant until they found a way to stop it permanently. But he was fine, and the mood lightened considerably.

It was near the holidays, so the Weasleys, Hermione, and Harry were given an extra day instead of being forced to return.

Dumbledore was scarce and Remus was feeling antsy as they were only half done with their intended mission and had yet to turn up what Albus was looking for. They were close, he could feel it, but they were getting nowhere just sat round Headquarters waiting.

Remus was concerned about Harry as well. Concerned about the apparent connection between him and the Dark Lord. Concerned what it meant for him, the toll it would take on the boy. He was fifteen. Still enough of a child to be vulnerable, no matter what he’d seen or what he’d gone through.

It plagued him the entire time they were at Grimmauld place, and it kept his thoughts scattered. He was sat in the parlour whilst everyone was at St Mungo’s when Sirius stepped through the front door. He cursed at his mother’s portrait before rushing into the room, his face pale.

“Sirius?” Remus asked, standing quickly. “Alright?”

“I…Frank and Alice were…were there.”

Remus blinked, then realised that of course they were. They had been in long-term care since the night Sirius’ cousin had attacked them. “Oh, love.”

Sirius folded himself into Remus’ arms, pressing his face against the side of Remus’ neck. “It just sent everything crashing back, you know? The war, how terrified we all were. How many of us were dying.” Sirius sniffed lightly, twisting his fingers into Remus’ robes. “I can’t bear it. Not again. I don’t want to lose anyone again.”

Remus couldn’t bring forth words of comfort because he had none. There was no telling who would die next, who wouldn’t make it alive. Arthur had been a lucky case, really. Harry used the connection in their favour, but there wasn’t any guarantee it wouldn’t backfire on him.

“Come on, let’s sit. Tonks and Fleur are here and they’ll be down shortly. We can chat, play a game of snap or something whilst we wait. I’ll get tea.”

Remus shoved Sirius to the sofa and headed to the kitchen, preparing it all the muggle way if only to give himself time to sort his thoughts. He wanted to get back on the road. To feel useful, like they were finally on the winning side of this war. But despair hung round, in the dark corners of his mind.

By the time he brought out the tea, Tonks and Sirius were sat on the floor playing the game, and Fleur was watching idly, smiling softly at Remus who offered her a cup. He took a seat next to the young witch and held his own hot brew tightly between his hands.

“What a holiday, eh?”

Fleur snorted. “It is what it is. Things at the Ministry are only getting worse. Witches and wizards whispering nonsense. Fudge is losing his grip on reality.”

“He never had much of one to begin with,” Tonks said, waving her hand. “Right fool, that old bastard.”

Sirius sat up, leaning his head against Remus’ thigh and his eyes fluttered closed when Remus ran his fingers along his lover’s scalp. “They need to see reason. We’ve no chance at winning this war if we’re fighting against them and Voldemort.”

“That’s what he’s counting on, I’m sure of it,” Fleur said. “The two opposing forces will weaken each other, then he’s free to take them both out.”

Remus shuddered at how right she was, and it made him sad someone so young, someone who should be looking forward to enjoying her early adulthood being in love and carefree, was diving head-first into battle. “I can only hope Albus has a strong hold over this situation.”

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, Remus,” Tonks said with a wink. She gave a yawn and stretched her arms up, then flopped down on her back, staring up at the ceiling. “Just focus on the afters, you know? What you want to do after it’s all over.”

“Retire,” Sirius muttered.

Tonks laughed. “Sure thing, old man.”

“I am thirty five,” Sirius groused. “I resent the implications. Still young enough to start a family if we wanted.” He clutched at Remus’ knee tightly, which gave Remus a shock.

Tonks was grinning, leant up on an elbow. “Would you want to, though? Really?”

Remus blinked down at Sirius who was paying him no mind, and shrugging. “Don’t see why not. We always waited because…well. Everything. But bloody hell it would be nice to think about having a sprog or two and not having to worry about some crazed wizard coming to murder us in our beds.”

“The Ministry wouldn’t allow me to have a child, you realise,” Remus reminded him.

Sirius rolled his eyes up to Remus. “Fuck the Ministry. When have we ever cared.” He rubbed his face along Remus’ thigh. “We deserve it, Moons. You and me.”

The idea, the very idea of having a child with Sirius seemed so far beyond possible. It always had, even when they were young and felt like the world was at their feet. Now even the glimmer of possibility was too much to bear.

“We can talk about it later. When we make headway,” Remus muttered.

“Of course, Moons,” Sirius muttered sleepily. He gave a yawn, then stood up and held his hand out for his lover. “I’m going to take my young, gorgeous husband upstairs for a shag. And a long sleep. Don’t wait up.”

Remus was blushing hotly, but ignored Fleur and Tonks’ light laugh as he allowed Sirius to pull him up to forget, just for a moment, how terrible it had all become.

*** 

Months passed in a flurry of changes for Hogwarts neither James nor Regulus could process. Umbridge began running the school, bypassing every Hogwarts tradition there was. Students found themselves suffering at the hands of her cruel punishments, teachers were being sacked. She was now overseeing all of Regulus’ care of magical creatures lessons, especially after Hagrid returned to assist.

James watched with a sort of deadened resignation because what could he do? He was stuck there, helpless as he’d been at Godric’s Hollow for the many months he’d been in hiding with Lily. He was in the open now, but his hands were tied, and he watched his son silently suffer nightmares and lessons with Snape.

It all came to a head when Harry burst into his father’s office with a wild expression, almost accusing. James and Regulus were sat on either side of the desk, talking quietly about the latest update from Remus and Sirius, and both turned in surprise.

“I need to talk to you,” Harry said.

James blinked. “Alright.”

“Shall I…” Regulus moved to stand up, but froze when Harry gave an angry shake of his head, slamming the door. 

He strode over to the desk and crossed his arms. “Snape just chucked me out of Occulmency.”

“What?” James demanded, starting to rise. “He absolutely cannot do that!”

“I don’t want to go anyway,” Harry cried out, throwing his hands up. “It’s rubbish and it’s not even working!”

Regulus exchanged a worried look with James, then said, “It should have been me. He’s too biased to be any good.”

Harry’s jaw tensed. “I saw why he’s biased. I saw…it was…” He cleared his throat. “He was prodding into my memories and I panicked and hit him with a shield charm. I got thrown into his and there was…I saw you.” His eyes narrowed on his father.

James cleared his throat and he looked concerned. “Saw me?”

“You were taking your OWLs. He was minding his business and you…you attacked him.” Harry licked his lips and ran his fingers back through his hair. “Mum was there. I…I saw her. She tried to stop you and he called her a…a…”

“Mudblood,” James said very quietly. “I remember that day.”

“You were such an arse!” Harry cried. “How could you do that? He didn’t even do anything. He just came at you…”

“He did, actually,” Regulus said very softly. “He…and I…attempted to poison Remus.”

Harry froze. “…what?”

“I know you know I wasn’t the best person when your father and godfathers knew me in school,” Regulus said. “We were under orders. We knew about Lupin, but we had no proof and we were being ordered to draw him out. As a werewolf. The Dark Lord was recruiting and Lupin was powerful and clever. He’d be useful and likely ready to join his side if he’d been cast out of the wizarding world. We put silver in his goblet.”

Harry swallowed thickly. “And that’s why you…”

“It’s why I went after Snape,” James said quietly. “I was a twat though, especially about your mum. It’s a miracle she ever forgave me. I was just…I was angry. And scared for Remus.”

“You were only fifteen,” Regulus defended.

“I’m fifteen,” Harry said indignantly. “I would never…”

“I know,” James said in a rush. “I’m not defending myself, Harry. But Severus never missed an opportunity to come after us. He’s not changed. I’m not saying he deserved what I did but he was not innocent.”

Harry looked torn, but his shoulders sagged and he deflated. “Well he’s refusing to teach me and I don’t want to learn from him anymore. It’s pointless.”

“It isn’t,” Regulus said. “I’ll talk to the Headmaster about it, Harry. You need those lessons.”

“I’m fine now!” Harry cried. “I am. I swear. I’m not even having visions anymore or anything.”

James and Regulus shared a dubious look, but neither voiced their doubt. Instead James rose and took a few tentative steps toward Harry. When the teen didn’t flinch away, James reached out and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, squeezing. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Harry. You’re a better person than I ever was at your age, and I’m proud of you.”

Harry sighed, then put his arms round his dad and squeezed. “You’re right. I am better than you.”

James let out a slightly choked laugh and ruffled his hair. “It’s also not how I’d have wanted you to see your mum, but in a way I’m glad you did. She was never, ever afraid to call me on my shit. Quick with the hexes when I stepped out of line. You’re so much like her.”

Harry pulled back and smiled. “I just can’t believe the two of you ever worked it out.”

“Well she had a soft spot for messy-haired idiots.”

Harry laughed and rolled his eyes. Taking a step away, he looked over at Regulus and something flashed across his face, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. It set Regulus on edge, however, as Harry finally left.

When the door shut, the younger Black sighed. “He’s lying.”

James sagged into his chair and curled his hands round his tea. “I know. But Albus should have never left it to Snape. I don’t know what the hell he was thinking.”

“Maybe that he’d have a soft spot. Because he’s Lily’s son too?”

James grit his teeth. “Why does that make it sound worse?”

Regulus rose and crossed the distance between them, settling himself on James’ lap and kissed him soundly. “We’ll talk to him. We will.”

***

Only they never got their chance. Dumbledore was sacked after an attack on Hagrid and Umbridge took charge. James and Regulus considered leaving, but knowing Harry would be at her mercy was too much for them to bear. If only they knew how badly things would go in just a matter of weeks.

*** 

Remus was shaking, but triumphant. They had the ring. It was cursed, dangerous, wrapped in several bits of cloth and held in a bag Dumbledore had charmed. They could feel the dark magic around it, probing at their minds, setting them on edge.

Sirius was moody, and Remus felt like the moon was near, though they were weeks away. They were so far from London, but ready to make their way home. The pair had been rowing, having been advised not to apparate so they were taking Sirius’ bike when it all fell to pieces.

They were just outside of York when it happened. They’d stopped for a pint, Sirius grumbling about how they should just take to the air and be done with it, when they were set upon. Stunned from behind, Sirius went down first, and was on all fours when the Aurors had them bound.

“By the authority of the Minister for Magic, Remus Lupin, you are being detained for failure to register as a partial-human under the decree of control of Dark Creatures.”

Sirius began to swear, but Remus fixed him with a withering glower. “It’ll be sorted,” Remus ground out. “Just…come after me, alright?”

Sirius was trying to shake off the spells as the Aurors apparated away.

Remus could only hope as they set foot in the Ministry, that Sirius would have the forethought to send a Patronus. There was likely nothing Albus could do now, and Remus had little choice but to register. It could mean a sentence as well, in Azkaban—or worse should they choose to put him on trial. But what could he do?

He was attempting to remain calm as he was put in front of Fudge himself. He barely heard the berating tone of the old man who was clearly under stress now that Voldemort was back, and all of his efforts had gone into denying it.

“…thinks he can attempt to thwart me, that old man,” Fudge ranted. “You’ve slipped by us too many times, Lupin. If you think this won’t…”

Just then, Albus strolled in looking as genial as ever. “Cornelius.”

All hell broke loose as the two of them battled it out for Remus’ protection.

Still bound, Remus sat perfectly still, hoping Sirius would arrive shortly. Dumbledore had been flanked by both Tonks and Kingsley—who were still employed as Aurors, and it was the sight of them that calmed him down.

“Sirius is here,” Tonks muttered. “He met with Albus just before he walked in. He’s just outside.”

Remus calmed completely. He concentrated his magic on releasing his bonds, which gave way with just a little effort, but he didn’t move. He was prepared, though. To make his escape if necessary. But the whole thing carried on for far too long.

Before Fudge could rule Dumbledore under arrest—which seemed the direction he was taking, an alarm sounded. Fudge looked up, terrified. “The Department of Mysteries.”

Albus paled and turned. “Harry,” he said.

Remus was instantly on his feet, and Fudge didn’t bother to react. He rushed out of the room, and Albus grabbed Remus’ arm. “Voldemort’s drawn him here. We need to find them. Immediately. Tonks, please send a Patronus to Mr Potter. Alert the others.”

Everything was a whirlwind after that. It led to a chase, and eventually finding Harry down in the belly of the Ministry, in the Death Chamber. Remus knew of it, but had never been present. He had no time to contemplate any of it, as several Death Eaters had arrived, including Lucius Malfoy who was engaged in a duel with Harry over a glowing prophesy.

Sirius immediately flew into a rage, going after Bellatrix when she began to cackle in his face. “Ickle Sirius Black! The disgrace of the family.”

The pair went at it, and Remus went after Harry and his friends. “What are you doing here?” Remus hissed.

Harry was bloody and bruised, but his chin high. “He…I thought he had Sirius. I saw…” Harry’s voice trembled, and Remus touched his arm. 

“You need to get out of here. Quickly.”

Harry started to nod, and it was just then a jet of light hit Sirius square in the chest. He flew backward, and Remus noticed the path of the slow arch.

Toward the veil.

And he knew what that meant.

A roar left his mouth, his knees going weak, but he was too far to do anything. Somewhere the back of his mind told him he was witnessing the death of the man he loved more than anything in the world, and things began to shatter.

Then, as if by some miracle—a moment he might reconsider the idea of a god watching for them—there was the crack of Apparition and James appeared just to the side of the archway. His arm grabbed Sirius by the sleeve and though his foot brushed the black, tattered curtain, they tumbled to the side, Sirius clutched tightly to James’ chest.

Regulus appeared shortly after, and Bellatrix let out an inhuman scream at the sight of him. Reg gave her a tense, angry smile before his wand raised, but before he could cast a spell, she was gone.

As was Harry.

Harry had gone after her in a fit of rage for the near murder of his godfather.

Remus wasn’t sure what was to come next. The building shook, and a patronus erupted into the room booming Albus’ voice. “Order Members retreat.”

Remus was on his knees now, next to James and cupping Sirius’ cheeks. He was unconscious but breathing, and Remus felt himself piece back together like he did every full moon. He was whole. Sirius was alive and he was whole. They’d escaped death once more, and it was time to go.

“Harry,” James ground out.

“Albus has got him,” Remus assured him, though he wasn’t entirely sure he believed him.

Regulus laid his hand on James’ arm. “I’ll stay. You get Sirius back to Headquarters. I won’t come back until he’s safe.”

“Voldemort will see you,” James warned.

“So let him,” Regulus said. “Let him know that someone bested him. Let him be afraid.”

*** 

With only vague surprise, James was aware that everyone lived. This time.

The papers were reporting Voldemort’s return, the Ministry unable to deny it this time. Albus assured James the connection was now severed, though nearly at the cost of Harry’s life. Sirius was recovering, though still massively weakened by the spell Bellatrix cast, but they were together.

They had not shattered apart.

Umbridge had been reported missing, found later in the Forest and taken to St Mungo’s psychiatric ward and James didn’t bother asking after her again. He just couldn’t bring himself to care. Ensuring everyone he loved was still alive, he allowed Regulus to draw him to the bed, holding him tight as Harry slept in one room near by, and Remus and Sirius in another.

They were in his lover’s old, childhood bed, and it was there James allowed himself to cry. “It’s going to be worse after this,” he gasped.

“I know,” Regulus said, holding tight. He stroked his fingers through James’ hair gently. “But we’re in it together.”

James shuddered, but lifted his face to kiss Regulus gently. “I love you. Please, please don’t leave me.”

Regulus offered a tense, tight smile, trying not to think of the sheer anger on Voldemort’s face when he caught a glimpse of his deflected Death Eater. The pure rage and desire for murder. He wasn’t sure he would last this battle. “I promise I’ll do everything in my power, Jamie. I love you so much.” He kissed him once more, and willed himself to not make promises he couldn’t keep. Try was the best he could do. For now.

*** 

Remus leant over Sirius, stroking his cheeks with the backs of his knuckles. Every time he thought about the battle, the way Sirius was flying through the air, the near miss, he would start to shake. Instead he fixed his gaze on grey eyes and that soft smirk.

“Stop it, Moons,” Sirius demanded. “I know what you’re doing. And I didn’t die.”

Remus chanced a weak smile. “I know. But it…it was too close.”

Sirius grimaced as he shifted onto his side, reaching for Remus’ hand to press a warm, soft kiss to the centre of his palm. “I know what that’s like. When you showed up on my doorstep bleeding to death. I thought I was going to lose you. I nearly did.”

Remus closed his eyes. “I can’t bear it, Sirius. I want…I want all those things Tonks was talking about. A future without the Dark Lord. A family. I want to marry you officially and I want to raise a child and I want to leave this all behind.”

“So we will,” Sirius said. He pressed Remus’ hand to his heart. “This beats for you, alright? You are the absolute love of my life and I’m fighting for us.”

Remus leant his head down and kissed him softly. “Never scare me like that again.”

Sirius chuckled. “I owed you one, you know. But now that we’re even, I can promise.”

Remus wanted to tell him not to make promises he couldn’t keep, but he wanted to be selfish right now. He wanted to believe Sirius could control death by a simple, childish vow. “I love you. I love you I love you I love you.”

Sirius pulled Remus down and buried his face in his neck. “I love you too. You’re my everything.”

*** 

**Two weeks later**

Regulus was in the parlour staring into the fire. Everyone was asleep, quiet and calm. The post-battle hysteria had calmed significantly, but Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling more was coming. It was just gone the full moon, Remus and Sirius out with the change, and as Regulus rose to prepare for bed, he spotted something outside. A patronus.

Opening the window, he used his magic to part the wards, allowing the animal to come through. It was a small fox, and spoke with a voice Regulus hadn’t heard properly since he was a boy. “Regulus, I need you. It’s a matter of family. Please.” Then a small portkey dropped to the floor.

Regulus was no fool, but his mark was calm and he had a feeling this wasn’t about Voldemort. Grabbing the small stone, he gasped when he was pulled through the magic tunnel, tumbling out onto the floor of a small cottage.

He had his wand out, pointed at a familiar head of blonde hair. Narcissa was crying, openly, and shaking. “They took Lucius and the others to prison, but it won’t hold them.”

Regulus’ eyes narrowed. “Why did you bring me here? You know how the Dark Lord feels about me. I can’t imagine the price on my head.”

Narcissa let out a wet, weak laugh. “He’s displeased with our entire family, Regulus. He…” She swallowed. “He’s punished us, and I need your help.”

Regulus dropped his guard, but only slightly as he let his cousin beckon him into a room in the back of the small house. Opening the door, he saw a figure lying on the bed, a blanket covering a shivering body. Thanks to his animagus form, he could smell blood in the room. He recognised the profile as the student he’d been teaching for some time.

“What is this about?” he whispered.

Narcissa laughed again, angry. “He won’t wake up. He’s on half a dozen potions right now.” Crossing the room, she grabbed the edge of the blanket, then looked up at her younger cousin. “He’s punished us now, for Lucius’ disobedience. For his failure to follow through.” Ripping it back, Draco’s body was displayed.

At first glance he appeared normal, until Regulus’ eyes fixed on his left arm. And there, just below the crook of the elbow, sat a bite. A distinct, bleeding bite. His eyes flickered to the window, at the sight of the full moon, and his entire body went rigid.

“Greyback,” Narcissa said. She swallowed thickly. “Voldemort has a mission for Draco after this. And if he fails, he dies.”

Regulus felt his stomach twist. “What do you want me to do?”

“Help him. I…I’m making other arrangements but…do something. Anything. Get Potter to…to talk sense into him. It’s too late for me, for Lucius. But it’s not too late for Draco.” She let out a choked sob. “He’s only fifteen, Reg. Fifteen.”

Regulus felt a wave of pity he didn’t expect to feel for his estranged family, and he clenched his fists. “I’ll do what I can, but I can’t make any promises.”

Narcissa nodded. “I know. I…I just don’t think I’m going to survive what’s coming, and I need to know my son will. Please.”

Regulus took a step back. “Don’t contact me again, do you hear me?”

She nodded once more, then he turned on the spot and was gone.

Arriving back at Headquarters, Regulus looked round the empty parlour and wondered for a moment if it had been a dream. But no. He still smelt the blood and he knew this was just the start. Draco was bitten, he was no longer considered human. And he didn’t know what Voldemort planned to do with that now, but whatever it was, it wouldn’t be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST! I nicked this from the idea that Draco wasn't actually a Death Eater in HBP, but was actually bitten as a punishment for Lucius. I thought it was a far better idea than Death Eater Draco. Up next is HBP and the start to Drarry.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HBP part one--just note that I'm not going to cover a lot of what happens in canon since it's really diverging from here on out. So expect the series of events to 1- move a lot faster than the book, and 2- deal with order missions outside of Hogwarts and away from Harry.

James might have been oblivious—and he was, really. Harry inherited it from somewhere, but he wasn’t thick enough to not notice that his lover was suddenly disappearing round full moons. Two, to be exact. In quick succession just after Hogwarts let out.

James had been profoundly aware of moons the moment he, Sirius, and Peter learnt Remus’ secret. The moment they vowed to take care of Remus for as long as they were able.

He knew this wasn’t about Remus, either. This wasn’t about Regulus slipping into his animagus form to be there for his brother’s partner. 

James knew that because Remus was underground in the once-dungeons of Grimmauld Place, under the influence of Wolfsbane Potion, and snuggled up with a shaggy, black dog.

He didn’t know if Regulus was deliberately trying to be obvious—he knew his lover could be very sneaky and very clever when he needed to be—but for all the hints James was dropping after the first missing night, he didn’t relent.

It was after the second that James cracked.

Harry was travelling with Dumbledore, Sirius and Remus were having a long lie-in from the aftereffects of the change, and Regulus was slipping back into the room with dirty robes and a smell on him James didn’t recognise.

Regulus startled a little to see James sat up in bed in the early morning hours, but he didn’t back down from the dark gaze. “Up long?”

“All night.” James sat forward, hooking one arm round a crooked knee, and levelled a hard stare at the man he loved. “Show me Crookshanks.”

Regulus blinked owlish grey eyes at him. “I’m sorry?”

“Crookshanks. Go on.”

Regulus’ jaw tightened. “Why?”

“Because werewolves can’t be animagus.”

Regulus stared at him, then let out an almost bitter laugh. “I know that, you idiot. But what’s that got to do with…”

“I’m actually not an idiot. I’m someone who ran round with a werewolf for years and years. The better part of my young life. I know the cycle of the moon. So either show me Crookshanks, or show me your bite.”

Regulus took a step back. “You think I was…oh for fuck’s sake Potter I…” His words were cut off as a Ginger cat jumped up on the bed and took a nasty swipe at his nose. James cried out when the claws raked his skin, and he glowered at the cat who quickly turned into a man hunched against the wall, wearing a very displeased expression. “I’m not a fucking werewolf.”

“No. You’re a fucking arse,” James ground out. He winced when Regulus waved his hand, healing up the cut. “Where the hell did you go?”

“I…” Regulus swallowed, then looked over at the closed door and let out a long, shuddering sigh. “It’s really not for me to say.”

“No,” James said, shaking his head. “I absolutely do not accept that. Have you any idea what it was like during the first war with us? We nearly lost everyone because of fucking secrets and it won’t happen again. I love you, but I won’t go through that again.”

Regulus paled further and reached out for James who shook his head and pulled away. There was a look of momentary heartbreak on Regulus’ face at the rejection as his fingers curled into his palm, and he slowly dropped his hand. “I’m helping out someone who was bitten.”

“Who,” James demanded. When Regulus pursed his lips, he let out a frustrated sigh and ran both hands into his hair. “Tell me or go.”

“Just like that?” Regulus demanded.

James gave a firm nod. “Just like that.”

When Regulus rose and walked away from the bed, James felt like his heart was shattering into a thousand pieces. Just like that. Regulus was choosing secrets and James couldn’t bear it. He wanted to jump up and go after him, kiss him and tell him it didn’t matter, never mind, it was alright.

But it wasn’t.

Secrets is what killed Lily.

Secrets is what kept him away from Sirius and Remus all these years.

Secrets is what had Harry in the grip of the Dark Lord so many times in the past six years.

Regulus reached for the door, then spun and stalked toward the bed. His hand came out before James could react, and he fisted it into the front of James’ pyjamas, tugging him so they were nearly nose to nose. 

“Narcissa came to me. My cousin. She told me that the Dark Lord punished her family for Lucius’ failure in the Department of Mysteries.” His hold loosened, but he didn’t step back. James could feel warm breath across his cheeks, and he swallowed so loudly, they could both hear it. “Greyback bit Draco.”

James sucked in his breath involuntarily. Greyback. The predator of small children. The most perverse creature James ever had the misfortune to know. One who had also bit Remus. His eyes shut with pain. “Who knows?”

“No one. Draco’s being forced to act out Death Eater business for the Dark Lord. If he doesn’t, he’ll be killed.”

“But he’s not one,” James said.

Regulus shook his head. “I’ve snuck him potion—Snape helped. I keep him company on the moons, but he doesn’t know who I am. He likely thinks I’m a neighbourhood cat.”

James let out a short laugh. “And when he finds out and tells the Dark Lord? When you show up one moon and there’s a fucking hoard of Death Eaters waiting to take you in?”

“No one is going to know,” Regulus said sharply. “But I can’t…I’m not going to let him suffer alone.”

James bowed his head, and one hand slowly crept up, cupping Regulus cheek. His thumb brushed against the sharp cheekbone and he shifted over, making room for Regulus to crawl beneath the duvet. “Please,” he murmured when his lover resisted.

Regulus’ shoulders slumped, and he allowed James to tug him down, to wrap his arms round him and press a series of kisses along his temple, down his cheeks, stopping just under his ear.

“It’s going to be alright,” James murmured, running his fingers into Regulus’ hair. “We’ll figure out a way to get him out of there.”

“For now, Snape’s with him outside of the moons. And well…I’m doing what I can.”

“You are,” James said, pausing for a short kiss, “the bravest man I know.”

Regulus pinked in his cheeks a little bit, and gave a quiet sigh, twisting his hands into the front of James’ pyjamas again to draw him closer. “You’re and idiot.”

“You keep saying that,” James replied with a small laugh, and held him so tight. “Yet here you are. In my arms like the cuddling slag you know you are.”

Regulus sighed and let his face rest against the side of James’ neck. His bone-tired exhaustion was overtaking him and his eyes began to slip shut. “Mm. Yes.”

“You’re not even awake now to reply, are you?”

“Mm.”

James chuckled. “Were I a worse man, I could get you to agree to any number of horrible things. It’s a good thing I love you so much.”

Regulus nuzzled in close. “Mm. I love you too.”

Though he was still worried—terrified, as it were—about what this could mean having the Malfoy boy bitten and now doing the work of Death Eaters in the school, for a moment he let himself revel in this. The arms of his lover, someone who was still doing his best to help and bring comfort to someone. It was not the Regulus James had ever known—probably the Regulus Sirius had known he was capable of being—but James was just happy to have him now.

*** 

Remus woke first, his bones aching, but he felt less torn apart now that he was back on the potion. Sirius was snoring, mouth hanging open, arm flung up above his head, and he very much looked like the seventeen year old he’d fallen so hard for.

With a fond smile, Remus carefully grabbed his dressing gown and padded down the stairs. He kept his footfalls as quiet as he could past Walburga’s portrait, and slipped into the kitchen where he found Fleur and Mrs Weasley having a long chat with Dumbledore.

Albus looked up, his eyes grave, his hand hidden beneath his robes. Remus’ werewolf senses were still heightened, and something smelt of rot, though he couldn’t pinpoint it. “Where’s Harry?”

Dumbledore’s eyes glanced toward the door. “I believe he’s currently visiting with his friends.” Remus made to walk out, but Dumbledore cleared his throat, then reached into his robes for a rolled up parchment. “I lingered only to give this to you, Mr Lupin.”

Remus eyed the parchment warily, but took it and pulled the wax seal off. It was Ministry official, and his eyes scanned the words several times before he processed it. “A pardon?”

“Any potential crimes of failing to register have been absolved. And you are not required to attend transformations under supervision. It was, I believe, my last sway with the ministry.”

Remus swallowed, knowing that things were going badly there, and it wouldn’t be long before Voldemort had a stronghold there. He clutched it to his chest and glanced at the old man. “And I owe you what, for this?” He ignored the looks of the other two Order members as he met Dumbledore’s watery gaze.

“Not a thing. Consider it an…apology, of sorts. I should have handled the situation better.” His voice sounded sad. In a way it sounded like a goodbye and once again Remus smelt the rot from somewhere. “Now, I have to be off, but I will be in touch soon. Remember to use your patronus to deliver messages. Don’t trust the owls.”

Remus stared dumbly after the old man, and only turned when a soft hand fell on his arm. Fleur was giving him a cautious smile. “This means you are free, n’est-ce pas?”

Remus swallowed again, then nodded. “It seems so.”

“This is good. Nym will be very pleased. She and I are…going into hiding,” Fleur said quietly. “We have been working on a modification of the Fidelius Charm, but she wants to see you and your family before we go.”

Remus nodded with a frown. “Is there a reason?”

“Oui, but it’s not for here,” Fleur said.

Remus sighed, then took a step back. “I’m going to see Harry, then.” He didn’t look up at Molly who made a slightly derisive snort as he moved out of the room. It had been tense with her since James had come back with Harry. Her belief that Harry was missing something because of his lack of mother in his life. And yes, there was a profound emptiness because Lily wasn’t there, but not just because of her role as mother. It was because she had been amazing and Harry deserved to know her.

But Molly’s views were traditional, for all that she fought for liberation from strict pureblood regime. Remus watched her severe underappreciation of her Twins, labelling them troublemakers instead of seeing the sheer genius behind their talents.

And maybe it was the fact that he was once a Marauder and prankster himself, but he felt for them—constantly berated and compared to siblings Molly considered better, and it made him ache. Watching anyone othered like that made him ache.

Remus found Harry sat in the parlour with Ginny. They were on the sofa, chatting quietly when he walked in, and Harry looked up, offering Remus a smile.

“Alright there, Haz?”

The teen shrugged, smiling just a little. His birthday was coming up and already he was the spit of James as Remus remembered him. So tall, lanky, and showing signs of who he would become as an adult. “Not bad. Tired. I met your erm…old Potions Professor?”

Remus blinked as he lowered himself into a chair. “Slughorn?”

“Barmy one, that man. Weirdly obsessive with the whole celebrity thing. He had a photo of my mum and Reg.”

Remus rolled his eyes a bit. “I’m sure he did. What erm…were you there for, exactly?”

“Dumbledore asked him to take up the Potions post,” Harry said, picking at his thumbnail. “You reckon he sacked Snape?”

Both Harry and Ginny looked hopeful, but Remus shook his head. “I highly doubt that, Harry. I’m not sure what he’s up to. He hasn’t said to me.”

“Is dad going to carry on with flying? Or Reg with Care of Magical Creatures?”

Remus shrugged up one shoulder. “I haven’t had a chance to ask him, honestly. But we can today when they wake up.” He sat back a moment and regarded the young teen. “Alright though? With everything else?”

Harry took in a breath, then nodded. “Best as I can be considering. At least we haven’t got Umbridge this year.” His hand went reflexively to his scar and Remus winced. Apparently Regulus had known about it, but it wasn’t until the term was over that James found out and by that point, Umbridge was gone and there was nothing he could do.

James had nearly gone round the twist though. Furious at Harry and Regulus for keeping it a secret until Harry pointed out that his anger was exactly why no one said anything. “They were already crucifying me,” the boy replied, his arms crossed tight over his chest. “Umbridge was out for my blood and for Dumbledore’s…”

“Because you got it into you head you ought to start a defence club…”

“Which is what you’d have done!” Harry retorted, and no one in the room could argue that one. “If I’d had told you, she’d go after your job and then what?”

James scrubbed a hand down his face, then abandoned all pretences and grabbed his son, pulling him in for a firm embrace. “This should have never happened to you.”

“Yeah well, add it to the list,” Harry muttered, but allowed the embrace to carry on for a while. When they pulled apart, Harry gave a grateful look to Regulus before walking off, and James rounded on his lover.

“Do not think you’re going to get away that easy,” he warned.

Regulus’ lips thinned and he gave a very Sirius-like snort. “Is that so?”

It was no surprise James didn’t stay angry for very long.

Remus watched as Harry and Ginny went back to their conversation. It was quiet, a bit intimate, and Remus had to grin a little wondering if maybe there was a small spark there. These days he just couldn’t tell, though he would be absolutely surprised if Harry was interested in anyone with all that was going on.

But he’d let him have it—whatever it was. Friendship or otherwise. Harry had very much earned a few moments of normalcy.

“I’m going to see if your godfather is awake, and then we’ll sort out what our plans are for the last of summer and your birthday.”

“Thanks Re,” Harry said absently, and Remus smiled as he headed back up the stairs.

Sirius was just waking as Remus pushed the door open, and his lover gave a small pout when he saw Remus’ empty hands. “Thought you might have tea.”

Rolling his eyes, Remus closed the door and lowered himself onto the bed. “I’ve something better.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the parchment, handing it over.

Sirius sat up, scrubbing at his eyes with one hand whilst reading it over, and he looked up, blinking owlishly. “Is this…?”

“He said it was an over-due apology for everything. In so many words,” Remus said.

Sirius tossed it to the side, grabbing Remus’ wrist in a graceful swoop, and pulled him down to the pillows. He kissed his lover slow and soft for several minutes before pulling away with a grin. “No more hiding. No more terror that at any second they’re going to…” He stopped, and Remus nodded, cupping Sirius’ cheek.

“It doesn’t mean we can be more reckless. But it’ll be nice to feel like I can walk freely again.”

“It should have never been that way in the first place, Moons,” Sirius murmured, pressing a kiss to the underside of Remus’ ear.

“I know. But it is what it is. And we’re alright now.”

*** 

James knew he was throwing off his entire sleep cycle by laying in bed with Regulus all day, but he didn’t care. Apart from summoning food—earning a startled shout from Molly—they didn’t really leave. James had a shower somewhere round dusk, and just as the stars were coming out, Regulus was stretching and reaching for him.

James grinned down at his lover, lowering his head in for a kiss. He cupped Regulus cheek gently with his hand and stared at him, basking. Regulus’ beauty was different from anyone he’d ever loved. Lily had been wild fire, brash confidence and a fierce desire to prove herself worthy of being a witch. Her eyes had been constantly bright, always watching, seeking. That fire consumed him when he lay in her arms, and he would forever miss it.

Regulus looked like Sirius, too. There was no mistaking them. But Sirius’ beauty had always been reckless, sharp edges and wicked smiles. The younger was softer, he moved with more caution, with deliberate steps and gentle fingers. It was the same way he kissed, feeling things out before giving himself over. The same way he fucked, always on edge to pull back if the need should ever arise.

James marvelled again at how the Universe had allowed him to love this much twice in his life. And he couldn’t believe Lily would be anything other than happy for him, even as the thought left a dull ache in his chest.

“James?”

Blinking out of his thoughts, James turned and tugged Regulus closer. He dragged his lips along Regulus’ jaw, drawing his tongue along his lover’s bottom lip before dipping his head low to suck at his pulse point. Regulus let out a small, shaking sigh and James grinned against his skin. “Marry me,” he breathed.

Regulus stiffened a little. “What?”

Lifting his head, James realised he’d blurted it out. But he felt it. He wanted it. He wanted to belong to this man and have his man belong to him. “Marry me,” he repeated. “I love you so much I ache. And we don’t have to make a big deal of it. We can wait until it’s all over. It can be never. I just want you to know I’m all yours.”

Regulus’ grey eyes were shining and wet, and he took several slow breaths before he said a word. “You really want that? With me?”

James laughed, dipping his head low to taste the salty skin of his lover’s collarbone. “Merlin yes. More than anything. I…” He stopped, pulling back and placed the flat of his hand over Regulus’ heart. “You are everything.”

Regulus rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “I never thought I’d be here, you know? Not with James Potter, of all people. And not…” He stopped. “I didn’t think all of this was for me.”

“Well it is. Everything I have to give,” James said. He palmed Regulus’ cheek, pushing lightly until Regulus brought his gaze back down. “If it’s too much, just say so. I tend to go all in. But I mean it all the same.”

Regulus let out a shaking laugh and shoved at James’ shoulder before yanking him down and kissing him searingly hard. “Yes,” he murmured against soft lips. “I don’t know when we can ever find the time. But yes. I’m yours.”

*** 

The start of term was creeping up on them. They had finally been dismissed to their London flat, just for a short time. Harry was more than pleased to spend his birthday enjoying the quiet of Muggle London, though things were tense. Attacks were cropping up everywhere, and even as they enjoyed cake and one of Harry’s new CDs, the news displayed several attacks, and strange, violent weather.

Muggles were in danger everywhere, and the new Minister for Magic was not handling it well.

The adults were on edge, and Harry avoided all talk of the Dark Lord as he shut himself away in his room. They’d be heading to Diagon Alley shortly, which made everyone a bit nervous. Walking out in the open was dangerous enough, but everyone in that house had a permanent target set by the Dark Lord himself, and nowhere was safe.

“We should be doing this with aurors,” Remus complained as they entered the alley. It was far different than the last time they’d been. A year ago, when things were shaky but stable. Now half the shops were closed and everyone walking round was tense and terrified.

“We’ll be fine,” Sirius said, but his tone didn’t match his words. The adults stuck close to Harry as they looked through the sparse shoppers for the Weasleys who were there to see the twins’ shop, and finish up buying the last of the school supplies.

“There,” Harry said, nodding to where Molly and Arthur stood with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. They looked tense, though the teens were all smiling a bit. Regulus took an involuntary step closer to Harry, and felt James’ hand close tight round his own.

“Okay I need new robes,” Harry was saying.

“I think it would be more practical to split up a bit,” Remus said, shaking his head back and forth. “We don’t want to linger in the open.”

“Madam Malkin’s is right there,” Regulus said, nodding toward the robe shop. “Why don’t I take them there, and we can meet at Fred and George’s?”

“I’ll go with you. I’ll stand outside the shop,” Remus agreed. “Then Sirius and James, you can sort out books?”

“You don’t mind having the kids?” Molly asked with a frown.

Regulus nodded up the street where they could see the edge of Fred and George’s shop. “We’re not far, and if we move this along quickly, we can be back at Headquarters before dusk.”

No one was thrilled about it, but they agreed, and Regulus and Remus walked behind the teens, shepherding them into the shop. Remus hung in the door, reaching out for Regulus’ wrist. “Keep an eye out.”

Regulus gave a stiff nod, then walked in and froze. Stood in the foyer were Narcissa and Draco. The teen had locked gazes with Harry, and was clutching his forearm where Regulus knew an ugly scar now sat in shining proof of what had happened to him.

What he had become.

Draco’s eyes slowly slid from Harry’s to Regulus, and there was a flicker there. Regulus had never appeared to Draco as anything other than the cat, but there was something crackling in the air. As though he could tell. As though he knew.

Narcissa quickly put a hand on Draco’s arm and ushered him toward the door. “Come along, we have to finish.”

Draco’s jaw tensed and he muttered something to Harry, making the messy-haired teen go straight for his wand, but Regulus cleared his throat and Harry stopped.

“Not worth it,” Hermione muttered.

“Didn’t you hear,” Harry started, but he let out a sigh. “Never mind. Let’s just get on with it.”

It didn’t take long before the four teens were sorted, and they headed straight up to the new Joke Shop. It was really amazing to behold—the twins had done well for themselves and Regulus was not surprised. They had a very specific brand of genius, but it was useful. The shop was full of people, unlike most in the alley.

Regulus and Remus let the teens wander off, and he glanced over at Remus, wondering if he ought to tell about Draco. If anyone would understand, it was his brother’s lover. Now was not the time, though.

As he wandered, a warm set of arms came round his waist, and Regulus glanced up to see the side of James’ glasses glinting in a soft light overhead. James dipped his head low, pressing his mouth to Regulus’ cheek.

“Everything go alright?”

“Yes,” Regulus said, leaning back gently into James’ arms. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “You see Harry?”

“He went into the back room with George to see…I dunno. Whatever. He’ll be out in a little bit.” James reached his hand out to touch a handful of the cursed toffees. “Thank Merlin Sirius and I were not this clever.”

Regulus snorted, turning slowly in James’ arms. “I shudder to think. It was bad enough what you lot got up to.”

James closed his eyes. “I wish it had been…different. I dunno. Or that it will be soon. I want to know there’s a future where we can just be together without all of this darkness looming over our heads.”

“I have faith,” Regulus said softly, cupping James’ cheek. “I wouldn’t have gone as far as I did if I wasn’t sure we could make a difference.”

James’ eyes slid open and he gave Regulus a soft, find smile. “You amaze me.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous, Potter.”

“Yes. I am,” James said with a solemn nod, then grinned as he swooped in for a kiss. “And you love it.”

“Merlin help me,” Regulus groaned, “but yes, I do.”

*** 

Sirius and Remus were in the kitchen avoiding the tension round the rest of the house. Molly was in there tidying up after dinner, refusing to let anyone help her, and Arthur was sat with a cup of tea, glancing over the latest news—none of which was any good.

The couple sat on the other side of the table, thigh pressed to thigh. It was the night before term began, and no one felt safe. The students would be sent on the train—and there would be an Order guard following, but the Death Eaters were growing more bold. The Dementors were no longer under Ministry control. They were breeding and seeping into the countrysides. Muggle villages were being terrorised, and the only place truly safe—for now—was Hogwarts.

James and Regulus were in the parlour chatting quietly. The teens were upstairs preparing their trunks.

It should have been an exciting time, but all the couple could think about were the what-ifs. What if the guard wasn’t fast enough. Or compromised. Or outnumbered.

“…thinking about it, you know?”

Remus blinked up, realising Molly had been speaking to him. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Drifted off for a second.” He glanced over at Sirius whose jaw had gone completely tense, and his eyes hard. “What was that?”

“I was just saying that…that there are things you want to consider. After this is all over. Like having a proper family. You should be thinking about it.”

Remus frowned. “What do you mean, proper family?”

“Well all this is…” Her eyes flickered between Sirius and Remus, “it’s all fine but surely you want something more.”

Remus felt his face heat up. “I don’t…”

“It’s only, that Nymphadora, she’s so sweet and looks at you so fondly, Remus. You two would be…”

“I think that both Tonks and I are quite happy in our respective relationships,” Remus said stiffly.

“Oh that thing with Fleur,” Molly said stiffly.

Arthur cleared his throat. “Molly, dear…it’s not really our business to…”

“It’s just she’s young. She doesn’t know how she really feels,” Molly argued.

“I think she knows just fine,” Sirius cut in. “I was much younger than she was when I discovered that the only shag I ever wanted to have was the one sat right here with me. And this many years later, none of it has changed. At least not for me.” Sirius gave Remus a careful look, and the werewolf rolled his eyes.

“It hasn’t changed for me, either. It’s not a phase, and I’ll thank you to mind your own business.” Remus reached out, taking Sirius’ hand, and pulled him out of the room.

“That bloody bitch,” Sirius snarled.

Remus shook his head. “Don’t. It’s not worth it right now. Go on upstairs and have a bath or something, and calm down. I can send Kreacher with some whiskey if you like.”

“I don’t think whiskey and being under the same roof as Molly is going to do anyone any favours,” Sirius said.

Remus sighed, then took the opportunity to shove Sirius against the wall, kissing him soundly. “I love you. Only you. And when this is over, it’ll be over for good. And we’ll be stood on the other side of the war together. Because we were meant to.”

Sirius cupped Remus’ cheek and pressed their foreheads together. “I love you so much.”

“I know. I’ll be up soon, love.”

Sirius grumbled at being ordered about, but he went upstairs anyway, and Remus headed into the parlour. He was grateful to find just James and Regulus there, sat on the sofa not saying anything. There was a fire going, and they both smiled a little as Remus came in and took a seat in the armchair. 

“What’s that face for?” James demanded, leaning forward.

Remus sighed. “Molly. She thinks I ought to…she thinks Sirius and I…” He cleared his throat. “She thinks we ought to give up our homosexual phase and settle down with women and have babies. Namely she thinks I would do well with Tonks.”

At that, Regulus snorted. “Does she realise that my darling cousin has absolutely no desire whatsoever to shag men?”

Remus pinked a little. “Ah. I think she’s hoping I might…convince her. To lead a life of housework and babies? I dunno. Sirius was well upset.”

“She said that in front of Sirius?” James asked.

“Yes,” came a voice from the doorway. Sirius came in, looking rather sheepish as he gave Remus an, ‘I dare you to say something,’ look. He then plopped himself between his brother and his best friend, pillowing his head in James’ lap. “Stroke my hair, Jamie. I’m upset.”

James rolled his eyes, but shoved his fingers into Sirius’ long hair and pet him. “You know no one actually cares, right? And I can’t imagine Tonks’ face if she’d actually heard that rubbish.”

Sirius grumbled, nuzzling closer to James as he tucked his feet round Regulus’ ribs. Regulus looked like he was suffering the personal space intrusion with very little patience, but Remus gave him a slight shrug and smile, mouthing, ‘Sorry.’

Regulus shook his head, then gave Sirius calf a slight pat. “Honestly I think who we’re all getting up to shagging is the least of our worries.”

“Considering you’re still carrying on with your post at Hogwarts,” Sirius said. “For whatever reason.”

“My choice,” Regulus said. “I…there’s…” He swallowed, and Remus gave him a look. “At the start of summer, I was reliably informed that one of the erm…students at Hogwarts was bitten.”

Remus snapped to immediate attention. He glanced at James and by the look on his face, he could tell his best friend already knew. “Who?”

Sirius had looked up too, his shoulders tense. Regulus licked his lips, then glanced away. “Draco Malfoy.”

Remus felt cold panic wash over him. “When? Why? How do you know this?”

“His mother came to me. Via patronus. It was the only way she could get to me in here.”

Sirius sat up slightly, digging his elbow into James’ thigh to look at his brother. “Narcissa sent a patronus to you?”

Regulus nodded, still not meeting anyone’s gaze. “The Dark Lord apparently saw fit to punish the Malfoy family by having Greyback pay them a visit.”

“Shit,” Sirius hissed.

Remus felt like he was drowning suddenly, his chest not wanting to draw air. He gripped the edge of his armchair as Regulus carried on.

“He’s being asked to do something for the Dark Lord in exchange for his father’s life. Or so I believe. She didn’t give me details. I agreed to…to help him during the full moons.”

“She knows about you, then?” Sirius demanded.

“I’m not entirely sure. I think she believes Remus can help, but I…” Regulus looked at Remus properly and stopped speaking. Remus was white, trembling, and Sirius immediately jumped to his feet.

Coming down to a low crouch, he reached out to grab Remus’ face, but his lover flinched, and he dropped his hands. “Moony?”

“He…I…” Remus attempted to gain control. “Greyback.”

“Come on. It’s time to go upstairs,” Sirius announced. “I will deal with that news later,” he said, giving his brother a withering glower. 

Remus didn’t resist being drawn up the stairs, and the moment the door was shut, his knees gave out and he collapsed against Sirius. His lover eased him onto the bed, keeping a careful distance. “Can I touch you?”

Remus gulped, then nodded and let himself feel comforted by the warm palms of Sirius drawing up and down his back. “M’sorry,” Remus muttered. “You’d think after all this time…”

“No, I would not think,” Sirius bit. “Regulus has no tact.”

“He didn’t know,” Remus said. His tone was stronger, though still trembling a bit. “But it’s…that boy. His entire life now…” He couldn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t need to. Sirius knew what he meant.

“It’ll be alright. Reg is…he’s good at these things. He’ll help him.”

Remus bowed his head, drawing close to Sirius and burying his face in his lover’s neck. “What if Harry gets bit? Or one of his friends? Or anyone we know? If he’s using werewolves as weapons…”

“Then we take extra precautions during the full moons,” Sirius said. “You have the potion, so if I need to patrol, I can. And because of Padfoot, it’s safer for me.”

Remus let out a shaking breath. “It’s never going to end, is it?”

“It will,” Sirius said fiercely. “Moony, this will not go on forever. And it will not end with our deaths. Or anyone we love.”

“You can’t guarantee that, Sirius,” Remus said softly.

Sirius laughed. “And when has that ever mattered to me, Remus John Lupin? When have I ever cared about guarantees? I learnt my lesson the first time. There will be mistakes I don’t make again. And one of them is losing the people I love.”

Remus pulled back and cupped Sirius’ cheek gently. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Rocking his hips forward, earning an eyeroll from Remus, he grinned. “You, my darling, can hold me to anything you like.”


End file.
